Chapter 16: chances are
A/N: I do not own Meteor Garden nor any of its characters. Just borrowing them for this story. Thanks
***
Morning sickness' a bitch!
Xiao You sighed as she, once again, realized that basic truth. If she were to go by her experience the first time six years ago, she knew she had about a week or so left of this. How she wished the days would go faster so she can finally enjoy her pregnancy! She wondered if Shan Cai was already awake. Maybe she could ask her friend to get her some crackers. She looked at the clock on her bathroom counter and saw that it was just 7AM. She had about an hour left before she had to get ready for work. She gave a loud sigh as she geared herself to get up off the floor and walk back towards her bedroom.
She had just reached her bed when the door to her bedroom opened. Expecting it to be Shan Cai, Xiao You didn't bother to look up but just slid inside the covers. "I hope you come bearing crackers…"
"Nope, no crackers." A masculine voice answered her.
A very familiar-sounding masculine voice.
Xiao You looked up quickly in surprise. It couldn't be…
"Ximen!"
"I brought you pancakes with butter and maple syrup, fresh strawberries and cream, coffee and orange juice." Ximen itemized the fare he was carrying on a tray as he gave her a smile as though it wasn't anything out of the ordinary for him to be bringing her breakfast.
It was a good thing Xiao You was so surprised to see him, otherwise her senses would have had time to process the fact that the food he'd just described actually made her want to vomit. She never could take anything other than crackers in the morning during her pregnancy. "But…"
"You thought I'd left?"
Xiao You nodded dumbly.
"I'm not going anywhere." Ximen answered matter-of-factly, silently adding "without you" to the sentence. "It'll take more than words to make me stay away from you so you better get used to seeing me." He added a bit more belligerently than he intended.
"Shan Cai…" she asked, grasping at any excuse not to have to discuss the state of their 'relationship.'
"…was kind enough to let me in and have me prepare you breakfast. She went out for a while and said she'll be back in an hour…"
Xiao You wondered what Ximen had told her best friend to get Shan Cai to leave them alone. "I'm not hungry." She answered him just to be contrary.
"Oh…well then, maybe we could just…" Ximen was at a loss as to what to do given her lack of interest in breakfast. "Are you sick?"
Xiao You blushed, uncertain whether to tell him about her pregnancy or not. She hadn't told anyone about it yet, afraid to jinx it. She wouldn't have told Shan Cai about it but she had just been too upset when she thought Ximen had left her for good.
The truth was, she was so afraid that this pregnancy would end up like her previous one. She'd lost her baby about five months into the pregnancy. She'd just suddenly bled. Her grief had been so overwhelming that she'd ended up having to seek professional help. It had been a slow process. It had taken years of therapy. Her parents had wondered why she'd withdrawn so completely into herself but she'd never been able to tell them. She'd taken refuge in her business and in making it grow. She was sure that if it hadn't been for that, she'd have wasted away. Her return to Taiwan to see Ximen again had been an effort on her part to put the past behind.
She'd told Ximen the truth when she said she didn't blame him. At least not now. That hadn't always been the case. In the last six years, she'd blamed alternately herself and Ximen for her baby's death. It was only when she'd been with him again that she finally came to terms with the loss and learned to forgive both him and herself. She hadn't really planned on spending the week with him the way they did. She was just supposed to see him and tell him about the baby and then leave so she could begin to forget him. Finally.
What was it again they said about the best-laid plans?
Now, she was back where she started.
She was pregnant by him. Again. She was afraid. Again. And she loved him. Still.
"Are you okay?" Ximen asked tentatively in concern. She looked like she'd drifted off to some deep dark place. Fear and sadness could be read in her expression.
Was she okay? Xiao You didn't know the answer.
"I can cook you something different if you want…" he offered tentatively.
She looked at him, uncertain of what to say. "Can you get me some seedless grapes please?" she asked, not because she was craving for the fruit, but rather to get him out of her hair for a while so she can process her thoughts and feelings.
Ximen was surprised at the request. He knew he should find it odd that she would want to eat seedless grapes so early in the morning but could only be glad that she was talking to him at all. "I'll be back in a couple of minutes." He answered as he backed out of the room, still carrying the tray he'd brought with him.
Xiao You was left pondering on what his presence meant.
***
"When are you coming home?" Ah Si's plaintive voice asked from across the world.
Shan Cai sighed. "Ah Si! I've only been here a day." She answered in exasperation.
"So? I miss you already."
"I miss you too, but Xiao You needs me now." More than ever. Shan Cai wasn't sure if she should tell her husband about her best friend's condition. But then remembered that Ximen had yet to find out.
"Which reminds me, Ximen called. He's still there."
"I know." She answered. "I just left him with her," she added, mentally crossing her fingers that Xiao You won't get angry at her for leaving them alone.
"It's so noisy there." Ah Si complained. "Where are you calling from?"
"I'm outside, I figured they wanted to talk privately."
"What's wrong with her anyway? Can't you just leave Ximen to take care of her?"
Shan Cai supposed she could do that. After all, Ximen had looked like he'd made it his life's mission to take care of her friend. "I can't…" she acknowledged. "At least, not yet."
Ah Si held back an angry retort. It wouldn't really do to pick a fight with his wife. Once she made up her mind about something, it was difficult to get her to change her mind. "Fine. Just try to come home soon, okay?"
"Okay. Love you."
"Love you too."
***
"I'm back." Ximen called out after knocking on Xiao You's bedroom door.
"Come in." she called out, surprised at how
quickly he'd come back. She had just finished taking a shower and getting
dressed for work.
"I didn't know which kind you preferred so I brought all I could…" his words
trailed off as he noted her appearance. "You're going out?"
"Of course. I have work." She answered as she went about brushing her hair. She had a difficult time choosing what to wear because of her expanding middle. She thought she'd succeeded in hiding the slight bulge with the flower-printed blouse she'd chosen.
"But…shouldn't you rest? You look a bit sick."
"Thanks." Xiao You answered dryly.
"What kind of work do you do?" Ximen asked, not that he didn't know, because he already did. He'd done his research last night. He asked because he didn't want her to know that he'd asked around about her.
"Let's not fool each other okay? I'm sure you've already had me investigated so you know I have my own bakeshop."
Ximen blushed at her response. "Was just making conversation…" he mumbled as he looked down at his shoes.
Xiao You sighed loudly. "You know very well I'm not buying your 'uncertain schoolboy' act."
He couldn't help it. He had to laugh. She really knew him so well. "You've done really well with your business." He told her, not without a hint of pride in his voice. He'd been surprised to realize that the brand of chocolate chip brownie he and his friends loved to munch on were hers. No wonder Shan Cai always had them in her fridge. She introduced them to him and he'd surprised even himself when he found himself addicted to the stuff. He'd never been much of a sweets person.
"Thanks." She answered, blushing a bit at the compliment she heard in his voice. "We'd gone national with our products after just 2 years of starting and have gone international in two more."
"I know." He answered. It hadn't occurred to him that she'd have her own desserts business. She'd been a stockbroker when she went to attend Shan Cai's wedding.
"I started the business after…." She didn't need to continue. They both knew. It was after she'd lost her baby. Their baby.
"Did you have a partner?" Ximen asked to get them off the sensitive topic. His research last night had not come up with one but he couldn't quite believe she could pull it off without some sort of help from others.
"The recipes were all mine. I had some financial help from my parents but I did everything else. It was only supposed to be a bakeshop after all."
"How did you go national? With the products I mean?" The businessman in Ximen couldn't help but ask.
"An executive from a major food manufacturer approached me about the mass production of my chocolate chip brownie about a year into the business. I was hesitant at first, I mean I was perfectly happy with the way my shop was doing…but they were so persistent and they assured me that the quality will not suffer so I finally agreed."
"And the rest is history."
Xiao You nodded.
"So…aren't you entitled to an off day?" Ximen asked. He was still worried about her after all.
Xiao You laughed. "Real subtle Ximen." She teased him. "Actually, I am, but I'm really feeling much better now. Besides, I already took a day off yesterday."
"Can I go with you?" Ximen didn't want to push his luck really, but he figured, what the heck? It was worth a try wasn't it?
Xiao You had no idea what just happened. Wasn't it only two days ago when she'd asked him to let her go? Why was she even talking to him now? Why was he still here even? "Because you still love him." The voice in her head answered one of the questions. "And he loves you," the voice continued, answering the other question.
"Only if you promise not to make 'helpful' suggestions to improve my business." She finally answered. What could it hurt after all? The truth was, she wanted to spend a day with him too. She needed to.
"Great!" Ximen answered enthusiastically.
"Can you just put those in the ref first?" she pointed to the bags of grapes he was still holding on to.
"Oh…okay." He'd forgotten about them. But he turned around quickly to comply.
"Now what?" Xiao You asked herself. She supposed it was time to give him a chance. She owed him as much. She owed it to herself too.
Unconsciously, her hands went to her tummy.
She owed it to her baby as well.
"Please God…" she whispered. "…please let me keep my baby this time" she prayed.
***
Xiao You ended up touring both Ximen and Shan Cai to bakeshop and to the manufacturing plant of her products. She showed them how the business operated. How each individual product is made and packaged. How it was marketed. And how she normally spent her day when working. She found that she enjoyed showing her best friend and her…them around. She also basked in the pride she saw in Ximen's eyes. He was probably unaware of it, but he's had a hand in the way her life has turned out.
Shan Cai had known about the business for quite some time, but she'd never seen the actual place of business. She was amazed at how far Xiao You had come. Shan Cai regretted not having been there to help her friend, especially when she was having a difficult time because of the baby she lost. But Xiao You had survived and had turned her life around. She looked at her best friend and the man who'd been responsible for much of what had happened in her friend's life and couldn't help but marvel at how things have turned out. Life really had a way of coming full circle.
Ximen couldn't help but grin like a fool the whole time. He'd never been so proud of anyone else in his entire life. He hadn't thought it possible that he could fall any more in love with Xiao You than he already was, but he realized he was wrong. He knew he would have continued to love her even if she had nothing but knowing about her success despite all the odds had touched something in himself. She really was his equal in all the ways there were. He vowed once again to do everything in his power to get her to realize this too.
***
It was late when they finally went back to Xiao You's apartment. Shan Cai had excused herself immediately, saying she needed to call and check up on Ah Si and the kids. Ximen and Xiao You were left staring at each other in the living room. Both recalling the events of two nights before.
"Thanks for showing us around." Ximen began, a little bit awkwardly.
"Uhm…I hope you weren't bored."
"Of course not!" Ximen was quick to reassure her. "I'm…I had a great time actually."
Xiao You didn't say anything.
"Xiao You…." Ximen began.
She looked at him in question.
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"For giving me a chance…to be with you…to see you work…to…"
"Why did you come back?"
Ximen tried to assess his chances. He moved closer to her and picked up her hands. They were cold and he sought to warm them by enfolding them in his. She didn't pull away and he breathed a little bit easier. "I didn't lie when I said I loved you."
"Ximen…" she knew it was time to tell him.
"Shh. I know you don't love me anymore…" he managed to say the words eventhough it pained him to do so. "But if you would just give me another chance…maybe you could learn to love me again."
"Ximen…" she interrupted him.
He ignored her interruption. He talked faster. "I promise I won't push…I won't make too many demands…I…just….please…" He knew he should be feeling disgusted at himself for begging, but he continued anyway, "please…don't send me away again…"
"I…" How can she send him away now?
"Please." He raised one of her hands to his chest. Willing her to feel the truth behind his words. He kissed the other hand. Breathed her in.
She couldn't help it. She removed her hands from under his and placed them on either side of his face and raised it up so their eyes could meet.
She looked at him intently.
He looked back unflinchingly.
And so she bent down to give him a kiss.
A gentle kiss.
A healing kiss.
He closed his eyes in relief and took her in his arms. Hugging her. Enjoying her warmth. "Thank you." Was all he could say.
Xiao You knew she should tell him about the baby. About how she really felt. But she didn't want to ruin the moment. So she just held on. There'll be time enough to tell him. Hopefully, she wouldn't lose her baby again. And Ximen, along with it.
***
