Disclaimer: no, still not mine.

Beyond the Veil

Realizing

*~"Why Sirius? Why did you have to die?" ~*

Sirius laughed. That was Remus for you: always thinking of the worst things that could happen. Why, he had merely been late coming home and already Remus was worried enough to be talking in his sleep about him.

Sirius moved to sit in the chair that was placed by the head of Remus's bed. He looked at the face of the other man as he slept, so worried, so afraid. With a soft smile and a gentle hand, Sirius brushed his hand over the forehead and hair of the sleeping man.

Eventually piece came to Remus's face. Sirius observed that Moony looked more beautiful than ever when he was finally sleeping serenely. As he watched his friend sleep, Sirius's own lids closed.

In the morning, a brilliant light flooded the room, and Sirius recalled the many times in childhood that he had yelled at Remus for not closing the curtains all the while holding a deep reverence for some one who could take enough time to really appreciate the sunlight.

Stretching Sirius got up out of his chair and realized that Remus must have been in the shower.

'He must have been so relieved to see me!' Sirius thought.

After about fifteen minutes, Remus emerged from the shower and Sirius shouted "Good morning!" as loud and as cheerfully as he possibly could.

And that is when things got strange. They became strange because Remus didn't seem to hear him; he just kept on walking with a haunted look on his face that seemed to express more sorrow and pain than any one person could possibly express.

Sirius crossed the room to Remus and tried speaking in a softer manner.

"Moony, pull yourself together will you? I right here! Unless... it's not Harry is it?"

But Remus continued to ignore Sirius making the raven-haired man mad until Remus dropped his towel and began to pull on boxers and a pair of jeans. At that point, Sirius had gone from anger to shock. Remus had dropped everything exposing his well-toned body and scar-ridden flesh. Old Moony had always been quite shy about his body calling it frail and blemished. Never before had he willingly dropped his clothes, why would he now.

The man in question stood up, looked at his reflection in the mirror, and sighed. "It's just you now Old Boy, just you."

Sirius, who was beginning to get confused and not liking the feeling one bit strode right up behind Remus speaking tersely on the way. "Now Moony, enough of this insane brooding! I am right..."

But as Sirius caught sight of the glass that Remus was looking in, words failed him. Right beside his friend, right where he stood gaping, was nothing.

As Sirius continued to stare at his lack of self Remus grabbed a shirt and headed out the door of his room.

It was some many hours later when Sirius had been able to get over the shock enough so that he could think. Sitting one the edge of Remus's bed, he began to muse over the strange things that were happening.

Dead? Remus had called him dead, but how could he be dead? He looked down at his body: it was solid. Sir Nicolas, Peeves, they had been wispy and translucent; he was solid!

And people could see ghosts! Remus had not even seen him, he thought some more, nor mentioned anything about being cold. Other ghosts had always made things seem cold around them.

Then Sirius had a brilliant idea; he would go talk to Nearly Headless Nick! Who would know better about being a ghost than a ghost?

One thing is for certain; if a ghost did not want to be found, he would not be found! It had taken Sirius the entire day to find Sir Nicolas, asking Peeves seemed too unappealing. However the most disappointing part, and probably the most mysterious was that Nick could not hear or see him either!

But the visit to the elder ghost did prove to be of some use; it made him remember that ghost had a habit of floating. When he returned to Remus's room that night, for he knew of nowhere else to go, he tried to float and only succeeded in hurting his bum.

Well that settled that! If he could not float and he could feel pain, then he was most assuredly not dead! And yet there was still the business of him not really being there.

Further thought promised to abuse his already sore cranium, so Sirius sat down deciding that he had dealt with enough for one day.

It was only a quarter of an hour later when Remus reappeared for the night, stripping down to his boxers and sitting on the edge of the bed before picking something up off his bedside table. Sirius moved closer to see what it was: a picture of the two of them, Remus and himself, from when they were students back in Hogwarts.

As Remus looked at the picture, he began to cry. It was not a hysteric crying but a silent flow of tears that ran from his eyes down the soft curves of his cheeks and falling off of his chin. He said nothing, only stared at the picture looking lost and scared and alone.

It reminded Sirius of another time, when life was simpler, and living far more easy.

***

"What's wrong Remus?" hearing the cries of the other boy, Sirius had gotten up from his own bed and walked over to Remus's.

"Oh... I didn't know I had wakened you. I'm sorry. Go back to sleep I'm fine."

"You didn't wake me, I was up... thinking... but by the sounds of it you were not fine."

Remus had looked into his eyes with such fear that night that Sirius wanted badly to reach out and stroke the poor boy telling him that everything will be all right.

"I'm fine... it was just a nightmare."

"About what?"

Remus looked down at his bed sheets, "nothing," he whispered.

Sirius touched Remus's chin lightly assessing the pallor of his features. "Nothing doesn't leave you looking whiter than a ghost."

Once again the boy looked down to his sheets.

"Remus, you can tell me anything."

The brunette still didn't answer.

"No matter what, I will be here for you whatever happened."

Remus finally looked up, "How do you know something happened?"

"Because if it hadn't, you would not be afraid to tell me; and you are afraid to tell me aren't you?"

Remus looked down out of shame of his secret and his tears. He wanted so badly to tell, Sirius could see that; he had spent an entire year working to find out how Remus displayed his emotions. He was very reserved, but when he thought he was alone he let out all the emotions he could not normally express.

Remus's words came as a whisper. "I'm afraid to lose you."

"Remus, look, you know what my family is like and what hell I go through with them. This is my real home: you and Peter and James. You guys are what made my life good. I was lost until I came to this school last year and found you guys. Don't hide from me Remus. I am here for you."

Remus pulled his knees up to his chest and hid his face. Sirius could barely hear his next words. "You say that now, but you don't know what I am."

Feeling much like crying himself, Sirius moved to sit right next to Remus and put both arms around the smaller boy pulling him close. "Tell me," he began, "Stop torturing yourself. I can see the pain you put yourself through. Don't suffer this alone."

Remus said nothing, but Sirius had the feeling that he had broken through most of the younger boy's defenses. He could feel Remus shifting in his arms and he looked down to see what was happening.

The brunette had unbuttoned the top two buttons of his pajama shirt and cautiously slid the opening down his left shoulder. Sirius did not need to be told what the mark was, he and James had expected as much.

"It's okay Reem, It's okay."

The smaller boy looked up. "You aren't going to run away?"

"Never."

Remus's eyes teared up and he looked at Sirius with such a look of love and gratitude that Sirius felt his own heart swell. He wrapped his arms around the boy who had flung himself at his chest.

They had embraced for a while before Remus said in a whisper, "I have such horrible dreams Siri, such horrible dreams."

"Shh, You can sleep now Reem, I will keep you safe."

***

Sirius had kept him safe that night, and many nights after that as well. Now looking at the man before him, he saw the same Remus that had needed him so much as a child. Sirius walked over to Remus and wrapped his arms around the other man and held him tight, resting his face by the other man's cheek.

"Sirius," Remus said addressing the picture, "Even with you gone I can still feel you here. I need you now more than ever."

Even though he knew Remus would not hear him, he spoke, "I am here Moony. I will always bee here."

Knowing that Remus needed sleep, Sirius gently pulled on the other man making him gradually lay down. Remus was so tired that he did not even realize that his head was not touching the pillow. Sirius had not held Remus as he slept for so long that the other man seemed to desperately need it; almost as much as Sirius did.

"I won't leave you Moony, never."

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So how was that one? I liked it and you? Any questions that you might have about Sirius's condition will be answered in the next chapter I promise! And that will come up faster if I get lots of pretty reviews! ^_^ Love you guys!

~Atiannala