A/N: River, you're amazing. Really. Along with the usual thanks for taking on the job of being my beta, I also send you packets and packets and packets of Tim Tams. ;)
Bobby sat back in his chair, folded his hands on the desk, and waited patiently for her to continue. An awkward silence settled over them as Alex stubbornly refused to elaborate any further. She was not going to be coerced into discussing something that was in no mood to discuss. But he kept looking at her with that intense gaze of his and she found that she suddenly couldn't meet his eyes. Angry with herself for being unnerved by the inquisitive scrutiny that he usually reserved for suspects in the interrogation room, she began searching for something, anything that would shift his attention from her.
"A problem?" he prompted.
She flushed deeper and glanced sideways to see if anyone was listening. "I told you, not here."
"Fine," Bobby agreed. Her discomfort at being overheard was not lost on him. "Let's go grab a coffee then. We can talk on the way."
"Bobby, I just got in," she protested. "And besides, there's a coffee machine just over there. It'd look kind of suspicious if we said we were going out for coffee when we both have cups sitting in front of us already."
"Who says we have to tell anyone where we're going?"
"Deakins –"
"Won't even realise that we're gone." He shifted in his seat and tried to hide an artful smile. "Or we could just stay here and chance being overheard by anyone who walked past."
Alex pushed the chair back from the desk and stood up, glaring at him. "Okay. Whatever. We'll go out for 'coffee.' But you're buying."
He grabbed his coat and made no effort to hide his elation at winning. "Of course. Sure."
~x~
They had gone to a little café and were seated at a table facing the window. Bobby watched as the outside world whizzed by for a while before picking up where they left off. "You said we had a problem?"
"Do we really have to do this?" Alex asked. "Couldn't we just leave last night where it is and move on?"
"We could, I suppose. But why would we want to?"
Alex dunked her biscuit into her coffee. "Because it would be a hell of a lot easier, for starters." She wrinkled her nose at the soggy mess and then placed it back on the saucer untouched.
"Maybe," Bobby agreed, picking up the table menu and then putting it back down without even looking at it. "But, 'It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that they are difficult.'"
"What?"
"It's a quote by Seneca. He was a Roman dramatist and philosopher who lived during the first century AD. Anyway, it means –"
"I get what it means, Bobby. I don't need you to explain it to me."
Bobby nodded. "All I'm saying is that just because something is difficult, that's no reason to give up on it."
"What exactly would we be giving up? We had one night of comfort sex, Bobby. Please don't make anything more out of it than that."
"You're kidding yourself if you think that's all it was," he said quietly.
Alex was taken aback with the absolute conviction with which he said it. "Excuse me?"
"You could have turned to anybody if all you wanted was one night of 'comfort sex.'"
"You turned to me first, I believe," she argued.
He ignored her and continued. "But you turned to me – someone who would bring complications and disruptions and imbalance to your ordered life – someone who was most definitely not a person you could brush off and never see again after that one night. Why do you think that was? Why do you think you made such a lousy choice for your 'one night?' And why do you think – "
"Shut up," Alex interrupted with a growl. "Just shut up right now."
He pulled his head back in surprise. "Did I hit a nerve, perhaps?"
"Bobby, I swear, if you don't wipe that smug look off your face I'm going to take out my gun and shoot you."
"Why are you so defensive? All I said was –"
"Do you *ever* listen to anyone? Or do you just prattle on because you like the sound of your own voice? I said. Shut. Up."
"Alex. . .I'm not saying this to bait you. I'm just . . .I'm wondering why me? You're right, it would be easier to leave last night in the past. But I want to know. . .aren't you the least bit curious as to *why* we found it so easy to fall into bed? When did we start looking at each other as acceptable bed partners? I'm. . .flummoxed, and I don't like not knowing what my own motives are." He trailed off and began looking out the window again.
"No."
"Hmmm?" Bobby murmured vacantly.
"No, I'm not curious. Last night is done; it's over, and I'm not going to waste any more time and energy pondering the 'why's and 'what for's. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but –"
"So you have thought about it then?"
Alex took a deep breath in annoyance at the interruption. "What?"
"You said you weren't going to waste 'any more time' thinking about it. The implication being that you'd already spent time going over the night's events." He sat there looking at her expectantly. "You gonna share your conclusions with me, or do I have to wring them out of you myself?"
Alex was silent. When she finally spoke it was with an edge to her voice that told Bobby he was again very close to crossing the line that resulted in her whipping out her gun and shooting him. "Sometimes you're so clever you make my teeth hurt, you know that?" She sighed. "If I tell you can we please move on?"
"But of course," he smiled.
She flashed him a black look but otherwise ignored the grin that was etched on his face. "I needed – " she stopped and started again. "We both needed someone who understood all the feelings and emotions of the day. I didn't want a nameless, faceless stranger for an impersonal romp in the sack. I wanted to feel alive, to really connect with someone. I wanted . . ." Alex's voice shrunk to a whisper. "I didn't just want sex, Bobby, I wanted to make love. And I knew that you would know the difference and respect that, because you know and respect me."
He reached across the table and took a hold of her hand. "What do you want now?"
"Now. . ." she squeezed his hand in response and met his eyes. "I just want things to go back to normal. I want things nice and easy – no complications. Most importantly of all, I don't want things to change between us."
"Sometimes change is a good thing," Bobby argued half-heartedly.
"I know it is. But we – there's no room in our lives for us to be anything other than what we are now."
"Which is what?"
"Friends?" she offered with a small smile.
"Partners," he validated. Then a sly look came into his eyes. "But you still owe me a favour, remember?" And ducked when she laughed and threw her soggy biscuit at his head.
TBC…
Bobby sat back in his chair, folded his hands on the desk, and waited patiently for her to continue. An awkward silence settled over them as Alex stubbornly refused to elaborate any further. She was not going to be coerced into discussing something that was in no mood to discuss. But he kept looking at her with that intense gaze of his and she found that she suddenly couldn't meet his eyes. Angry with herself for being unnerved by the inquisitive scrutiny that he usually reserved for suspects in the interrogation room, she began searching for something, anything that would shift his attention from her.
"A problem?" he prompted.
She flushed deeper and glanced sideways to see if anyone was listening. "I told you, not here."
"Fine," Bobby agreed. Her discomfort at being overheard was not lost on him. "Let's go grab a coffee then. We can talk on the way."
"Bobby, I just got in," she protested. "And besides, there's a coffee machine just over there. It'd look kind of suspicious if we said we were going out for coffee when we both have cups sitting in front of us already."
"Who says we have to tell anyone where we're going?"
"Deakins –"
"Won't even realise that we're gone." He shifted in his seat and tried to hide an artful smile. "Or we could just stay here and chance being overheard by anyone who walked past."
Alex pushed the chair back from the desk and stood up, glaring at him. "Okay. Whatever. We'll go out for 'coffee.' But you're buying."
He grabbed his coat and made no effort to hide his elation at winning. "Of course. Sure."
~x~
They had gone to a little café and were seated at a table facing the window. Bobby watched as the outside world whizzed by for a while before picking up where they left off. "You said we had a problem?"
"Do we really have to do this?" Alex asked. "Couldn't we just leave last night where it is and move on?"
"We could, I suppose. But why would we want to?"
Alex dunked her biscuit into her coffee. "Because it would be a hell of a lot easier, for starters." She wrinkled her nose at the soggy mess and then placed it back on the saucer untouched.
"Maybe," Bobby agreed, picking up the table menu and then putting it back down without even looking at it. "But, 'It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that they are difficult.'"
"What?"
"It's a quote by Seneca. He was a Roman dramatist and philosopher who lived during the first century AD. Anyway, it means –"
"I get what it means, Bobby. I don't need you to explain it to me."
Bobby nodded. "All I'm saying is that just because something is difficult, that's no reason to give up on it."
"What exactly would we be giving up? We had one night of comfort sex, Bobby. Please don't make anything more out of it than that."
"You're kidding yourself if you think that's all it was," he said quietly.
Alex was taken aback with the absolute conviction with which he said it. "Excuse me?"
"You could have turned to anybody if all you wanted was one night of 'comfort sex.'"
"You turned to me first, I believe," she argued.
He ignored her and continued. "But you turned to me – someone who would bring complications and disruptions and imbalance to your ordered life – someone who was most definitely not a person you could brush off and never see again after that one night. Why do you think that was? Why do you think you made such a lousy choice for your 'one night?' And why do you think – "
"Shut up," Alex interrupted with a growl. "Just shut up right now."
He pulled his head back in surprise. "Did I hit a nerve, perhaps?"
"Bobby, I swear, if you don't wipe that smug look off your face I'm going to take out my gun and shoot you."
"Why are you so defensive? All I said was –"
"Do you *ever* listen to anyone? Or do you just prattle on because you like the sound of your own voice? I said. Shut. Up."
"Alex. . .I'm not saying this to bait you. I'm just . . .I'm wondering why me? You're right, it would be easier to leave last night in the past. But I want to know. . .aren't you the least bit curious as to *why* we found it so easy to fall into bed? When did we start looking at each other as acceptable bed partners? I'm. . .flummoxed, and I don't like not knowing what my own motives are." He trailed off and began looking out the window again.
"No."
"Hmmm?" Bobby murmured vacantly.
"No, I'm not curious. Last night is done; it's over, and I'm not going to waste any more time and energy pondering the 'why's and 'what for's. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but –"
"So you have thought about it then?"
Alex took a deep breath in annoyance at the interruption. "What?"
"You said you weren't going to waste 'any more time' thinking about it. The implication being that you'd already spent time going over the night's events." He sat there looking at her expectantly. "You gonna share your conclusions with me, or do I have to wring them out of you myself?"
Alex was silent. When she finally spoke it was with an edge to her voice that told Bobby he was again very close to crossing the line that resulted in her whipping out her gun and shooting him. "Sometimes you're so clever you make my teeth hurt, you know that?" She sighed. "If I tell you can we please move on?"
"But of course," he smiled.
She flashed him a black look but otherwise ignored the grin that was etched on his face. "I needed – " she stopped and started again. "We both needed someone who understood all the feelings and emotions of the day. I didn't want a nameless, faceless stranger for an impersonal romp in the sack. I wanted to feel alive, to really connect with someone. I wanted . . ." Alex's voice shrunk to a whisper. "I didn't just want sex, Bobby, I wanted to make love. And I knew that you would know the difference and respect that, because you know and respect me."
He reached across the table and took a hold of her hand. "What do you want now?"
"Now. . ." she squeezed his hand in response and met his eyes. "I just want things to go back to normal. I want things nice and easy – no complications. Most importantly of all, I don't want things to change between us."
"Sometimes change is a good thing," Bobby argued half-heartedly.
"I know it is. But we – there's no room in our lives for us to be anything other than what we are now."
"Which is what?"
"Friends?" she offered with a small smile.
"Partners," he validated. Then a sly look came into his eyes. "But you still owe me a favour, remember?" And ducked when she laughed and threw her soggy biscuit at his head.
TBC…
