"Sorry," she said, moving past him, heading for his bedroom to put her clothes back on. He took her arm, looked at her.
"I want to talk," he said. She glanced away, let out a small sigh.
"Okay, just let me get dressed." She closed his bedroom door behind her, found her clothes, but they weren't in very good shape from having been torn off countless times. She searched through Krit's closet, found a plain t-shirt and some sweats with a drawstring that would fit her, though they hung several inches past her ankles. Syl had always been short. She found Krit in the living room, sitting on his sofa waiting for her.
"Hey," she said, dropping down beside him, not looking at him. "You wanted to talk before I left?"
"That was going to be my first question," he said heavily. "So you are leaving."
"Yes, Krit," she said. "I told you, I don't-" She let her breath out in a frustrated sigh. "I can't stay here like you want me too, it wouldn't work."
"Why not?"
"Because it just wouldn't, Krit, you don't understand."
"Then tell me what you're talking about. Why can't we just try?" Syl scrambled to think of something that would satisfy him, make him accept that she couldn't stay here, not only because she was scared of falling in love with him but for all the other reasons she didn't even want to get into.
"Krit, you're my-"
"Don't," he cut her off, angry. "Don't even try it, Syl, that's not fair."
"But you are my brother," she said quietly. Just let me go, Krit.
"Syl," he said, reaching for her hand. "I know this seems crazy, and maybe it is, but can't we try?"
"No." She pulled away.
"Why the hell not?"
"Zack won't-"
"Stop making excuses, he said he wanted us to live together himself!"
"That was before," she said with an edge of annoyance. "I have a home now, Krit. I'm happy there. I have friends, a job."
"Then I'll come and live with you," he said. "I wasn't lying when I said I was in lo-"
"Don't," she hissed, stopping him by pressing her fingers to his lips. His eyes darkened and narrowed slightly, and he shoved her hand away, stood up. "Krit, please," she said. He stood there, arms crossed, not turning around. Syl sighed, got to her own feet, grabbed her jacket from the closet and stepped into her shoes. She opened the front door.
"Krit," she said. "I'm going now." He didn't turn around. She sighed again, took a step through the door.
"Wait," his voice came suddenly; he was beside her now. She looked into his dark eyes, wished she wasn't the one who'd inflicted the pain that was in them.
"I'm sorry," she said. Krit touched her hair, pulled her into his arms. She hugged him, smiled, tried to pretend that they hadn't slept together, not when she was in heat but afterward when there was no excuse. She tried to pretend that he was still just her brother but when he pulled back he took her face in his hands and kissed her, long and tender and loving. She returned the kiss for an instant before pulling away. "Please don't do this to me," she said.
"Tell me you don't love me," he said quietly. She let her breath out in a long sigh.
"You know I love you," she said wearily.
"Then stay," he said, taking both her hands. "Please." She looked up at his face, hesitated, panicked, started to pull away, hesitated again. Finally she released his hands and stepped through his door and out into the hallway of his building. His eyes flashed with pain as she backed away from him; he looked much older than eighteen.
"I'm sorry," she said. She wiped angrily at a tear that had escaped down her cheek. "I'm sorry," she said again. "It's nothing to do with you. I love you. I do. I just- I'm complicated, like I said. In a bad way. Really, I'm screwed up. You don't want to bother with me." She laughed a little, tried to get him to stop staring at her and say something, anything. "I'm sorry. Just forget about it, okay?" Forget about me. "I'll see you sometime. I will. I promise." She glanced away, back at him, away again. He said nothing. "I'm sorry, Krit," she said again.
"Where are you living?" he asked. She shook her head, glanced away.
"Bye," she said softly, then turned and hurried toward the stairs, trying not to cry audibly. He didn't follow her.
Summer faded into winter and the temperature finally dropped, just as Miguel had promised. One day in mid December Syl agreed to watch his kids while he took Mercedes out to dinner, and she was helping Tia with math homework when the phone rang.
"Could you grab that?" she called to Dominic.
"Hello?" she heard his young voice a moment later. "I'm not supposed to tell strangers my name. Yeah. Yeah."
"Who is that?" Syl asked suspiciously.
"Who's this?" Dominic asked, then giggled. "I'm not a stranger!" Syl stood up, went to the phone, tousled the boy's hair as she took the receiver from him.
"Hello?"
"Hey there, Syl, it's been a while."
"Zane. I was wondering when you'd call." It had been a few weeks since they'd spoken. Syl put her hand over the receiver for a moment. "Tia, let's take a five-minute break, okay?" The girl looked relieved and joined Josie and Mika in the other room. Dominic hung by Syl, staring up at her longingly.
"Sweet kid," Zane said as she stood to pour a glass of juice. "He yours?"
"Thanks, Syl," the boy chirped, taking the drink and rejoining his siblings. Syl sat back down in the chair.
"No!" She forced out a small laugh. "Don't you think I would have mentioned that?" He laughed.
"Anyway, what's new?" he asked. Syl's mind flashed to the last time she'd seen Krit, the confrontation with him, the way he'd looked, heartbroken.
"Nothing," she said.
"Yeah, me too, things have been slow around here lately."
"What about your latest girl? Um... I can't remember her name."
"Who, Caeda? Or do you mean Leslie?"
"Was that the one who answered that time?"
"Oh, no, that was Angie," he said. Syl rolled her eyes at him.
"You've certainly made yourself at home down there."
"Hey, come on, you make me sound like a player or something, Syl." She could hear the blush in his voice. "What can I say, people find me irresistible. I seem to remember a certain someone sounding like she wanted to leap through the phone at me once." Syl flushed crimson.
"Not fair," she complained. Zane laughed a little.
"Listen, are we still on for New Year's?"
"New Year's?" She tried to remember when they'd talked about that.
"Oh, sorry, I guess I never told you. I'm coming up to your place for New Year's. Or you can come down here. Whatever."
"Is that a fact?" She rolled her eyes at Zane affectionately.
"And Brin," he said.
"Yeah? That sounds great. I haven't seen our Brinny Brin in years." She smiled at the pet name.
"What about Krit, haven't you been in contact with him? Maybe he'd want to-"
"No," she said. "No, I don't think so. Tinga, I've been in contact with, she might want to come."
"Okay," he said, sounding a little confused, but he let it go. "I'd like to see her kid."
"He's beautiful."
"Zack will get mad at us if it gets too big, though," he said. "We'll have to be tactful about it."
"I'll handle Zack if he tries to ruin our fun."
"We could invite him."
"Oh, I will. But he won't come."
"Of course not."
"Yeah."
"Well Zane, I've got kids over. I'm watching them for my neighbours tonight and I should really go spend some time with them."
"Okay, sounds good, Syl."
"I'll talk to you later."
"Bye."
"Bye, Zane." She hung up the phone, smiled at the thought of seeing Brin again. Maybe Zack would come. "Yeah, right," she said under her breath. She considered, for a moment, inviting Krit, then shook that thought away.
"Syl!" Dominic called from the living room. "Come here, come see what we made!"
"Okay," she said, smiling, heading toward the children, shaking thoughts of
Krit away. This was home now, and she wasn't going to live with him, wasn't
going to let herself fall in love with him. Things were just better that way for
everyone. Even if she did want a relationship with Krit, and part of her did,
she'd only end up wrecking it anyway like every other romance of her life.
