Four days later
Alex stood outside the door and ran over all the reasons why this was the only course of action. That it would hurt them both was a given, but in the long run she knew it would be for the best. So she forced herself to swallow the lump in her throat and steeled herself before walking into the room.
"Hey," Bobby said neutrally, looking up from his book. "It's been a while."
She shrugged and sat down on the chair beside the bed. "It's been a busy few days."
"Too busy for a phone call?" he chided.
"You know how things can get . . ."
Bobby held her eyes before she looked away. "Yeah, I know," he said in resignation. There was an uncomfortable silence between them for a few minutes, a silence that Alex was grateful for as it allowed her a few more moments to gather her courage to say what she had to say.
"How've you been?" she finally asked.
"I've been . . . I'm better," he replied with a half smile. "They tell me I can go home in a few more days."
"I'm glad," she said simply, and they once again fell into silence.
"I'm sorry about the last time you were here. I just . . . I wasn't ready to have that conversation with you."
"It's okay. It doesn't matter."
"C'mon, Alex, don't let me off that easily. I shouldn't have been so . . . dismissive . . . of your feelings." She was scaring him with her stillness, so he again took refuge in hiding his emotions in frivolity. "Especially since you went to all the trouble of sharing them so eloquently."
As soon as the words were out of his mouth he regretted them. Alex looked up sharply and blanched as if he had struck her, but before he had a chance to decipher what it meant, the vulnerability was gone and the controlled façade that he'd never quite been able to see through was back in position.
"I've been meaning to talk to you, Goren," she said, all ice and stone.
"What is it?" he asked. His tone was so gentle and apologetic that Alex had to steel herself all over again to find the courage to say what she needed to say.
"This isn't easy for me, so I'm just going to come right out and say it." She took a deep breath and continued. "I've been looking for a change for a while now, and I have a friend in Boston who put in a few words for me with his captain."
"Yeah?" he said, smiling, and having no clue what she was talking about.
"Yeah. So I'm transferring over."
"What?" he asked, as the implications of what she had just said dawned on him.
"The job starts in two months. I've already given Deakins my notice."
Bobby stared at her, stunned. Of all the things she could have said, this was the last thing he expected. "You're taking a job in Boston?" he clarified.
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because I can't be here anymore."
"Alex – "
"No, Goren, I've made my decision. It's time. We both know that you and I were never meant to be a permanent partnership. We've had a good run. But it's over now."
Bobby was completely bamboozled. "I don't understand. I mean . . . I apologised. I was an insensitive prick, and I'm truly sorry. You don't need to leave."
"It has nothing to do with that."
"Well, have I done something else to make you feel like you can't even be in the same city as me anymore?"
Alex felt her heart drop into her stomach as a dull ache begin to spread through her chest. "No," she said wearily, "I just need a change. After three years of working with you, of following your footsteps and living in your shadow, I've had enough. I'm a damn good detective too, you know, but no one ever seems to notice that when you're around."
"They notice," he objected.
"No, they don't. Not really. And I know this job isn't about being noticed . . . but when your own partner doesn't even notice or appreciate your abilities it's time to move on."
"I do notice. And I appreciate you."
"You might like to think that you do, but you don't. I'm sick of it, and I'm sick of -" She stopped herself short of saying the one thing she knew would wound him, the one thing she knew she had to say in order to be free.
"What? Don't stop there, Alex. Not when you're on such a roll. You're sick of what?"
"I'm sick of you," she said, hiding behind the safety of an attack of lies.
There was silence. Bobby's face had taken on a stony appearance, and his eyes were unreadable. "If that's the way you feel, *Eames*, you should have left a long time ago."
So cold, his voice was so cold.
"Yes, I should have," she agreed softly.
"Well then why the hell didn't you?" he shouted.
Alex flinched. She had wanted this over, had wanted to turn it all onto him so that she could walk away relatively unscathed, but she hadn't expected his rage to be quite so fierce, or to sting quite so much.
"For how long have you been feeling like this?" he demanded.
"Goren– "
"How fucking long?" he snarled.
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, only to open them again to hurt him even more.
"For the last year."
Goren was absolutely still. A year. She had been lying to him for 365 days, and he had noticed nothing. She had worked beside him, had covered his back, had laughed and joked with him and all this time she had merely been going through the motions. The cold bitch. Burning anger churned inside of him, and he held to it tightly. It was so much easier than facing those other feelings that he had made up his mind to share with her; those other feelings that were threatening to spill over at any moment.
"Well, I guess there's nothing left to say." Bobby was back in control, remote and unflinching.
Oh, there was, Alex thought. There was so much more. But she swallowed that thought. She had put in motion this chain of events and now in order to save herself from any more hurt she had to see it out to the end, no matter what the cost.
"Don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out," he spat bitterly and watched her leave with a lump in his throat.
She made it to the elevator before she started shaking. She made it to the car park before she started sobbing. And she barely made it home before she completely fell apart.
TBC
Alex stood outside the door and ran over all the reasons why this was the only course of action. That it would hurt them both was a given, but in the long run she knew it would be for the best. So she forced herself to swallow the lump in her throat and steeled herself before walking into the room.
"Hey," Bobby said neutrally, looking up from his book. "It's been a while."
She shrugged and sat down on the chair beside the bed. "It's been a busy few days."
"Too busy for a phone call?" he chided.
"You know how things can get . . ."
Bobby held her eyes before she looked away. "Yeah, I know," he said in resignation. There was an uncomfortable silence between them for a few minutes, a silence that Alex was grateful for as it allowed her a few more moments to gather her courage to say what she had to say.
"How've you been?" she finally asked.
"I've been . . . I'm better," he replied with a half smile. "They tell me I can go home in a few more days."
"I'm glad," she said simply, and they once again fell into silence.
"I'm sorry about the last time you were here. I just . . . I wasn't ready to have that conversation with you."
"It's okay. It doesn't matter."
"C'mon, Alex, don't let me off that easily. I shouldn't have been so . . . dismissive . . . of your feelings." She was scaring him with her stillness, so he again took refuge in hiding his emotions in frivolity. "Especially since you went to all the trouble of sharing them so eloquently."
As soon as the words were out of his mouth he regretted them. Alex looked up sharply and blanched as if he had struck her, but before he had a chance to decipher what it meant, the vulnerability was gone and the controlled façade that he'd never quite been able to see through was back in position.
"I've been meaning to talk to you, Goren," she said, all ice and stone.
"What is it?" he asked. His tone was so gentle and apologetic that Alex had to steel herself all over again to find the courage to say what she needed to say.
"This isn't easy for me, so I'm just going to come right out and say it." She took a deep breath and continued. "I've been looking for a change for a while now, and I have a friend in Boston who put in a few words for me with his captain."
"Yeah?" he said, smiling, and having no clue what she was talking about.
"Yeah. So I'm transferring over."
"What?" he asked, as the implications of what she had just said dawned on him.
"The job starts in two months. I've already given Deakins my notice."
Bobby stared at her, stunned. Of all the things she could have said, this was the last thing he expected. "You're taking a job in Boston?" he clarified.
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because I can't be here anymore."
"Alex – "
"No, Goren, I've made my decision. It's time. We both know that you and I were never meant to be a permanent partnership. We've had a good run. But it's over now."
Bobby was completely bamboozled. "I don't understand. I mean . . . I apologised. I was an insensitive prick, and I'm truly sorry. You don't need to leave."
"It has nothing to do with that."
"Well, have I done something else to make you feel like you can't even be in the same city as me anymore?"
Alex felt her heart drop into her stomach as a dull ache begin to spread through her chest. "No," she said wearily, "I just need a change. After three years of working with you, of following your footsteps and living in your shadow, I've had enough. I'm a damn good detective too, you know, but no one ever seems to notice that when you're around."
"They notice," he objected.
"No, they don't. Not really. And I know this job isn't about being noticed . . . but when your own partner doesn't even notice or appreciate your abilities it's time to move on."
"I do notice. And I appreciate you."
"You might like to think that you do, but you don't. I'm sick of it, and I'm sick of -" She stopped herself short of saying the one thing she knew would wound him, the one thing she knew she had to say in order to be free.
"What? Don't stop there, Alex. Not when you're on such a roll. You're sick of what?"
"I'm sick of you," she said, hiding behind the safety of an attack of lies.
There was silence. Bobby's face had taken on a stony appearance, and his eyes were unreadable. "If that's the way you feel, *Eames*, you should have left a long time ago."
So cold, his voice was so cold.
"Yes, I should have," she agreed softly.
"Well then why the hell didn't you?" he shouted.
Alex flinched. She had wanted this over, had wanted to turn it all onto him so that she could walk away relatively unscathed, but she hadn't expected his rage to be quite so fierce, or to sting quite so much.
"For how long have you been feeling like this?" he demanded.
"Goren– "
"How fucking long?" he snarled.
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, only to open them again to hurt him even more.
"For the last year."
Goren was absolutely still. A year. She had been lying to him for 365 days, and he had noticed nothing. She had worked beside him, had covered his back, had laughed and joked with him and all this time she had merely been going through the motions. The cold bitch. Burning anger churned inside of him, and he held to it tightly. It was so much easier than facing those other feelings that he had made up his mind to share with her; those other feelings that were threatening to spill over at any moment.
"Well, I guess there's nothing left to say." Bobby was back in control, remote and unflinching.
Oh, there was, Alex thought. There was so much more. But she swallowed that thought. She had put in motion this chain of events and now in order to save herself from any more hurt she had to see it out to the end, no matter what the cost.
"Don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out," he spat bitterly and watched her leave with a lump in his throat.
She made it to the elevator before she started shaking. She made it to the car park before she started sobbing. And she barely made it home before she completely fell apart.
TBC
