"So how is it that me and Zane both live here in LA," Brin said. "And you're in Sacramento?" She smiled over the top of her champagne glass. "Has Zack gone soft?"

"Maybe he's tired of trekking around the whole country so he's decided to centralize us," Zane suggested. Syl laughed.

"Oh yeah, that sounds like Zack," she said dryly. "That scenario is about as tactically unsound as you can get."

"Well maybe," Brin mused. "He's planning a big mission and he wants us handy in case he needs backup." The three of them sat there for several moments, trying to decide if that was an exciting or a frightening prospect. Syl decided it was a little of both and then shook her head.

"There's nothing going on like that," she said. "He would have told me."

"We'll have to ask him next time he drops by," Brin said. There was a long silence that was slightly uncomfortable; Syl knew they wanted to know more about what had happened with Krit but didn't want to ask.

"It's nearly midnight," she said, checking her watch. Zane smiled.

"So do either of you have anything profound to say about 2018?"

"Yeah," Syl said. "I'm not sad to see it go."

"Resolutions?" he asked next.

"Don't believe in them," Syl answered. Brin was sitting there thoughtfully.

"See Maxie again," she said after a moment. Zane and Syl nodded their agreement.

"Make Zack take a vacation," Zane added his. They all shook their heads at his futile resolution.

"There's three of us," Syl noted. "How's that going to work for ringing in the new year?" Zane's eyes twinkled.

"Oh, I'm sure I can handle the both of you," he said, grinning.

"Or maybe we'll just go ahead without you," Brin teased; Zane considered that seriously for a moment, then glanced down at his watch.

"Fifteen seconds," he announced.

"I'm glad I'm here," Syl said.

"Fourteen."

"Me too," Brin added.

"Thirteen. And I'm happy to have you. Twelve."

"Let's spend next year together Zane, okay?"

"Ten. Sure, Brin, if we're all living around here. Nine."

"Let's make sure we are," Syl said.

"Eight. Okay." They all picked up their champagne glasses. "Seven."

"For Eva," Brin said solemnly.

"Six."

"Eva," Syl agreed.

"Thanks for getting us out of there, kiddo," Zane spoke softly. "Five."

"Bye, 2018," Syl said quietly into her champagne glass so only she could hear. "Good riddance."

"Four," Zane said. "Three... two... one." Raising his glass in a toast, Zane gave them each a kiss on the cheek as they called 'Happy New Year! Happy 2019!' He then downed his drink, as did Brin. Syl took a small sip of hers and smiled at Zane as he already started pouring more.


At three-thirty in the morning, Zane pulled a bed out of his sofa- "Ooh, I'm so impressed," Brin said, laughing, promptly falling onto it, asleep before her head hit the pillow. Zane smiled at her, a bit tipsy himself and that was saying a lot; it took quite a bit of alcohol to get an X5 drunk. He looked around the room for Syl but didn't see her, so he walked through the apartment and found her passed out on his bed, rolled his eyes at her.

"Syl," he said, shaking her shoulder. She stirred a little but didn't wake up. "Okay, come on, I'm tired." Oblivious, Syl just laid there. "You said you didn't drink but I didn't know you couldn't handle it," he muttered at her, hauling her to her feet. He grabbed her arm, threw it around his shoulder, stumbled with her dead weight back into the hallway. She nearly fell over, groaned a little in complaint. He walked her back to the living room, sat her down next to Brin. She promptly slumped over backward on the bed, her legs still planted firmly on the ground as she slept. Zane laughed again, shook his head at her affectionately, picked up one leg and stuck it under the blankets, then grabbed for the knee of her other leg. Syl suddenly bolted upright, twisting away from him, fully awake.

"What are you doing?" she gasped.

"Putting you to bed. I know you're too old now," he teased, starting to laugh at her again. Then he saw in the true fear in her eyes and paused. "What's-" He stopped, eyes widening in surprise before fading to a deep hurt. "God, Syl, what did you think I was doing?" She shook her head, put a hand to her pounding forehead.

"Never mind, I thought you were someone else," she muttered. Zane sighed, wishing he could go to sleep. But he pulled a chair over and sat in it next to the bed.

"Talk," he said. She looked at him, shook her head, then laid down as it made her dizzy, pulling the blankets around herself. She glanced over at Brin, who was still sleeping obliviously.

"If I told you a secret," she said softly. "Would you promise not to say anything to anyone?"

"Sure," he said. "Of course." She stared at him for a long moment, seemed to be struggling with something. He waited patiently and finally she sighed.

"I wish we'd never left." she said quietly.

"Come on Syl, you don't mean that." When she said nothing, he added, "Why?"

"We were safe there."

"No we weren't. They broke us, beat us down."

"We were together," she insisted. "Safe."

"So what's this?" Zane asked lightly. "You and me, we're here, together, aren't we?"

"It's not the same."

"No," he agreed. "This is better." Syl shook her head. "Have you told Zack how you feel?"

"I told him once," she said softly. "It hurt him." She forced a smile, fought away the darkness pushing at her eyes for a moment. "I'm a little drunk, Zane. I have to sleep."

"Okay," he said, though obviously she had sobered up quite a bit. He stood up slowly. "We'll talk more tomorrow."

"I don't want to."

"We'll see," he said after a moment. "Goodnight, Syl."

"Goodnight, Zane. And sorry about-" She shrugged, breathed out a sigh. "It wasn't personal."

"Okay." He watched her close her eyes, snuggle closer to Brin, who was still oblivious to the world. Then he switched the light off and retreated to his bedroom, worried, tired, and disturbed.


Zane's voice cut through Syl's sleep the next morning, muttering something quietly. Brin's gentle, softer voice answered him.

"So what did Zack say when you called him?"

"He said he didn't know why I was surprised, seeing as I was there, too. When I pointed out that all of us went through Manticore and are pretty well-adjusted, he just said that Syl is more sensitive. I don't buy that, though."

"So what do you think?" Brin asked quietly.

"I don't know," Zane admitted. "But that whole thing with her last night, it-"

"Would you two mind not talking about me in the third person when I'm right here?" Syl cut him off; Zane jumped but Brin just smiled.

"Sorry," she said.

"I thought you were asleep," Zane told her. He watched her for a moment, concern in his dark eyes. "So what is the deal with your shell-shock then?" There was a short silence.

"You didn't murder one of your brothers, okay?" Syl was a good liar when she needed to be, complete with tears and everything. "Don't you remember that?" Zane glanced at Brin.

"We were there," he said quietly. "Of course we remember. That wasn't your fault, Syl." She shrugged and there was a short pause.

"Zane, go away," Brin said suddenly.

"What?"

"Just go away for a few hours, okay?" she asked gently. "Please."

"But this is my-" He stopped at the look on her face, frowned, grabbed his jacket. "Okay." After he was gone Brin slipped back between the sheets and put her arms around her sister's waist. Syl relaxed slightly into the warm, comforting, loving embrace.

"It's okay," Brin murmured. "I know what happened to you." At her soft words, Syl's entire body stiffened.

"Zack-"

"Didn't tell me," Brin interrupted gently. "I'm a woman. I figured it out." When Syl turned in her arms, wide-eyed, Brin lifted a hand and touched her sister's face. "I'm so sorry."

"Tell me what you think you know."

"Do you really want me to say it?" Brin asked quietly. A tear slipped down Syl's cheek.

"I was in heat the first time," she whispered.

"How old were you?"

"Twelve."

"And him?"

"I don't know. Thirty-something? Forty?"

"I'm so sorry," Brin said again. "And Zack?"

"He saved me."

"He loves you so much. More than any of us."

"No." Syl shrugged. "He just thinks I need him more."

"Do you?"

"I guess so."

"That's okay, you know."

"I'm a burden."

"No you're not, you're his sister." She squeezed her close. "And mine too. You're not a burden at all."

"Do you ever wish we hadn't left?"

"Yes."

"Really?" she asked, surprised. Brin nodded. "I'm so glad I'm not the only one."

"We can't go back to the way things were before, though," Brin said. "I wouldn't want to." Syl tried not to cry.

"I know."

"Things will be better now that I know."

"Don't tell anyone else, though."

"I won't even mention it to Zack," Brin promised. "But we can talk about it whenever you want to." Syl was no longer able to hold back her tears. She leaned her head against Brin's shoulder and sobbed.