"There!" she heard a man's yell, from close. Had they been spotted? She turned and shoved herself at Krit, tumbling them both to the snowy ground. She grabbed his shoulders and rolled them under a log, squeezed under it as far as they could go. She could make out the fear in Krit's eyes plainly through the dark and she touched his shoulder, giving him a weak smile. There was a thump above; someone was standing on the log. Both children froze, their hands clasped tightly together, terrified. Syl saw a movement through a hole in the log close to where they'd taken refuge, and her heart raced. All she could think was, The fence, the fence, I have to get us to the fence! Will they see me will they see me and if they do could Krit still get away? A face suddenly appeared and she froze, then realized who it was.
Tinga, signalling wildly to her. She reached in and took Syl's hand, pulling them both out. She signalled a few other times, telling them that the men had gone back the other way and they were clear all the way to the perimetre. Ben was behind her, looking glad to see them but anxious to get moving again. He poked Tinga's shoulder and jerked his head toward the fence. The four of them took off running, Krit's hand still clasped tightly in Syl's. He was her responsibility; Zack had said so, pointed to them and sent them off together. And she was older. But where was Zack now?
They hit the fence with a clang, poking their bare feet through the chain-link and climbing up toward the barbed wire.
"Max!" they suddenly heard from the other side, the freedom side. Jondy; she sounded terrified. Syl froze and her eyes snapped to Krit's and then to Tinga's; Ben was above. The pause ended almost immediately and they kept climbing, swinging themselves over the fence as bullets cracked through the air, close. Ben signalled wildly for them to split up, and then he grabbed Tinga's hand and started running, disappearing into the foliage. Krit took off in the other direction and Syl followed him, keeping him in her sight. She caught up with him and pulled a little ahead, scanning the territory. Bullets rang out to the left and she could hear helicopters closing. This time it was Krit's turn to knock her to the ground as she heard shots go just over their heads. Heart pounding, she thought they'd been discovered, but a moment later they saw the blurred shape of Jondy run by and realized she was the one being shot at. Syl got up out of the cold snow and ran parallel to their sister, and Krit followed, blurring with her, getting out of range of the soldiers chasing them.
Syl didn't know quite what to do; they had cleared the fence as ordered, and what would normally be expected now was to regroup and get new orders from Zack. But she didn't know where Zack was. They'd caught up with Jondy now, who glanced over as they fell into step beside her.
Max?, Syl signalled, knowing that's who Jondy had been paired with. Her little sister shook her head sadly, her eyes pained.
Gone, she signalled back.
Zack? Krit gestured. Syl watched as Jondy's expression grew even more anguished.
MIA, she signalled. Tasered. Surrounded. Syl's face blanched. Who else made it? Jondy wanted to know next.
Tinga, Krit signalled. Ben. Jondy waited for more names, but all he and Syl could do was shrug helplessly. Jondy nodded gravely.
Split up, she said. Syl shook her head, took Krit's hand.
My responsibility, she signalled back. Jondy nodded, reached out and touched their clasped hands, smiled, and then ran off in the other direction, leaving them alone. Syl watched her go sadly for a moment with Krit and then glanced over her shoulder as they continued running. The snow was falling heavy now, making it harder to pick out distinctive sounds, but after a while Syl was satisfied that they had lost their pursuers. Gradually they slowed their pace, started walking through the forest instead of running. After about a quarter of an hour they were finally confident enough to speak. Krit looked up at the sky, took a deep breath of snowy-fresh air.
"We're free," he said softly.
"Zack," Syl said disbelievingly. "He didn't make it."
"And Eva," Krit answered softly. Syl cringed and said nothing, just nodded, still hearing the shot, seeing Eva's head jerking backward, the gun sliding away, blood slipping onto the cold tile of the floor. She shook the hideous memory away as they came across a road, focussing on the mission at hand.
"We'll follow it to a city," Syl said. "We'll go to ground. That's what Zack would have wanted." Krit glanced over at her apprehensively.
"He would have wanted us to separate," he said in a small voice. She hesitated.
"We won't," she said finally. "We'll stay together, okay? Don't worry." She smiled at him, but he was looking past her, up the empty night road. She followed his gaze; there was nothing but the falling snow. Then he turned and looked the other way; again, nothing was there.
"Syl?" he asked after a moment. "What if we're the only ones?" His voice was small, frightened, echoing her own thoughts and fears. She swallowed hard, reached again for his hand. She squeezed it.
"That doesn't matter," she said. "We're not going to split up. We'll be okay, Krit, you and me."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
"Syl." Zack was shaking her shoulder. She opened her eyes slowly,
stretched the cramp out of her neck from sleeping awkwardly in the half-reclined
passenger seat of his SUV.
"What?" she asked.
"You were muttering," he said. "Nightmare?" Syl shrugged.
"I don't know the difference," she answered. Zack let that go as she surveyed their surroundings. It was dark, the stars were shining, and they were in a city. It looked familiar.
"We're here?"
"Five minutes to Krit's," he agreed. Syl started feeling very apprehensive. She clenched and unclenched her fists. Zack glanced sideways at her. "It'll be fine," he assured her. "It's Krit."
"Let's talk about something else," she said.
"Okay, what?"
"I don't know. Talk about someone. What did you do with Zane last month?"
"I met his girlfriend." Zack sounded annoyed; that was something she could concentrate on.
"You don't like her?"
"She's a cop. That's about the stupidest thing he could have done." Zack shook his head at Zane, with that look on his face that was always reserved for that particular brother, half love and half annoyance.
"And how does he feel about her?" she prompted.
"He thinks he's going to marry her, of course," Zack answered. "He thinks that about every damned girl he hooks up with. Doesn't he know the difference between love and a relationship?"
"You're one to talk." She glanced at him. "I didn't mean that."
"I choose not to have relationships."
"Oh," she said, careful to make her tone of voice neutral and teasing at the same time. "Okay." He glanced at her, frowned a good-natured frown.
"You ready for this, Syl?"
"I said I wanted to talk about something else."
"Max," Zack said; her eyebrows lifted. That was a name she didn't hear often.
"Mmm-hmm?" she didn't want to say anything that made her sound too excited or he might not say anything more.
"She's doing well."
"That's good. You talked to her yet?"
"Nope."
"Are you going to?"
"Not unless it's necessary."
"Why's that?"
"That's how it was for all of you. Max has just managed to stay out of trouble all this time." She smiled at the near-disappointment in his voice.
"There was that time you told me about in Sheridan," she reminded him. "Just after the escape." As soon as she said the words they jolted her. Just after the escape. Before that foster home; before all of it. There had been a world between Manticore and all of her horrors; she'd been happy outside, for a time. Sometimes Syl forgot that.
"I didn't talk to her then," Zack was saying. "She got out of trouble on her own."
"You were proud."
"Of course."
"Did you ever think you could maybe talk to her just to visit?" she ventured. "Does it have to be an emergency?"
"It's safer for all of us if there's minimal contact, you know that," he said. Of course she knew that; she'd gone around the country with him looking after everyone for three years. She alone knew the secret of how he'd made it out that night, after the tasers, after Jondy had said he'd been taken back. She was the only one he'd ever told a lot of things. She kept all his secrets, and he kept hers.
"I know," she said. "But it might make you happy. And her." Zack shrugged.
"One day," he answered. "When she gets in trouble."
"'When,' not 'if?'" she teased. Zack glanced at her, rolled his eyes.
"You all get into trouble sometime, Syl."
"And it's up to you to sort us all out," she agreed. She sighed dramatically. "Where would us little children be without you, Zack?" He glanced at her sideways, seriously.
"I don't know," he said. Syl couldn't help it; she laughed. Zack glared at her then smiled a little and shook his head. He stopped the car. "We're here." Syl stared at the familiar building, all her humour fading. She suddenly felt like she was going to throw up.
"What do you want to do, Syl?" he asked gently.
"I have to go in."
"Yeah," he agreed, sounding relieved; obviously he hadn't been looking forward to the prospect of trying to convince her. "So do you want me to come?" Syl seriously considered that for a moment.
"No," she said finally. "I think I should do it alone."
"Okay." Again, Zack sounded pleased with her decision. She smiled at him, knowing he would have done whatever she wanted no matter how he felt about it. He loved her so much, no matter what. Would Krit feel the same way?
"Okay," she said, taking a deep breath. "I'm going in." She opened the car door, glanced back at him. "Wish me luck."
"There's no such thing," he said, then added, "You'll be fine. I'll see you tomorrow." She nodded, closed the car door, watched him drive down the street and out of sight. She went up to the building and for possibly the first time in her life went through the motions of going through a front door instead of a window or skylight. She pressed the button that was listed as Krit's alias' apartment, buzzing it several times since it was late and he was probably sleeping. After about the twelfth annoying buzz there was a click.
"Hello?" Even incredibly annoyed Krit was polite enough not to snap at a potential stranger. Syl smiled.
"It's me, Krit," she spoke into the intercom. "Can I come in?" There was a short silence.
"Syl?" he finally asked, his voice low with disbelief.
"Yeah."
"Come on up," he said, releasing the front doorlock. She went inside and rode the elevator to his floor, letting herself into his apartment. He was standing on the other side of the door, dressed in boxers and a t-shirt he'd thrown on, his hair tousled with sleep but his eyes looking not at all tired as they stared at her, wide with surprise. She closed his door behind her slowly and stood there for a few moments, saying nothing. Then she swallowed the lump in her throat and forced herself to speak.
"I'm sorry about what happened at Zane's," she said softly. "I overreacted."
"I shouldn't have pushed," he countered. She smiled.
"It's not unfair for you to want to know what's going on with me."
"Maybe not," he said. "But you have a right to your secrets, Syl." She laughed a little.
"Krit," she said. "You're amazing." He smiled.
"That's funny, I was just thinking the same thing about you," he said, his voice gently teasing her. She smiled back at him, then let out a little sigh, not wanting to destroy this moment but knowing she had to.
"Okay," she said, her voice shaking slightly. She leaned against the nearest wall. "We need to talk." She swallowed hard as he slowly nodded, sensing her elevation of anxiety. What would he say? What would he do? Why was she so afraid? Krit turned and walked over to his sofa, sat down slowly, tense because he could see how important this was, and because he knew it wasn't good news.
"Sit with me," he said. Syl heaved a deep breath, detached herself from the wall, and took a tentative seat next to him. She stared at her hands for almost a full two minutes while he waited with more patience than she thought he was capable of. The scent of tension emanated from him in waves.
"When I go into heat," she began softly. "I'm..." She searched for the right words. "I'm at my most- My body is-"
"Fertile?" he supplied helpfully, in a soft voice. She shot him a grateful look then went back to staring at her hands.
"Yeah. Anyway, so I'm pretty like thousands of times more... fertile... at that time of the year."
"Right," he said. He sounded hesitant; he was guessing at what she was getting at. "Syl," he said. "I knew you were due for a cycle before, but you didn't come." He sounded a little hurt, but mostly cautious. Scared even. "Are you going to have a baby, is that what you're trying to tell me?" Syl tried not to cry, tried to breathe normally.
"I missed my last cycle, Krit."
"Oh." His voice was confused. Finally she forced herself to look at him. "What does that mean?"
"It means the same thing that it means when normal girls miss their periods." She took a big breath. "It means what you think. I was pregnant. From the last time." There was a long silence; Krit's eyes were huge now.
"From me?" he asked finally, softly.
"Yes."
"Well, what do you mean you were pregnant? Did you-" He swallowed hard, glanced away. "Did you have an abortion, Syl?"
"No!" She reached for his hand. "No, Krit, I miscarried." She forced back a sob that was threatening, whispered, "I'm sorry." She was desperately trying not to cry but the unwanted tears slipped down her face anyway. "I'm so sorry." Krit was gazing at her, his expression between shock and pain. He sat there for almost a minute watching her cry, and then he suddenly blinked several times; she realized he hadn't even been looking at her at all, but trying to take in her words. When he regained his senses he reached out to her gently. His hand was soft against her cheek, his chest warm as he pulled her to it, cradled her like a child. Syl looked up at him and he was almost crying too. She reached around his back and hugged him close.
"When did this happen?" he asked after a long time, softly, his voice pained.
"A few weeks ago." His eyebrows lifted.
"You were really far along then," he said. "How did you lose it?" Quickly he added, "I'm not blaming you."
"I know. My boyfriend-" She stopped, shook her head as her voice choked with tears again. Krit understood and his eyes fell closed briefly. He stroked her hair, kissed her forehead.
"It's okay," he soothed. "Shshsh, it's okay, Syl." His hands were gently threading through her hair. "I'm going to kill that bastard," she heard him add under his breath. Syl laughed but there was no humour in it.
"I think Zack may have beat you to it."
"Oh." Krit did not sound surprised. "Well, good."
"I would have come down sooner but I wasn't really in any shape to move," she said. "I've been in the hospital." He turned concerned eyes on her.
"Are you alright now?"
"Yes, just a little exhausted. But I'll be fine."
"What about emotionally?" he asked softly. "Are you okay?" Syl brushed at her tears.
"I'll be fine," she said. Krit sighed a little, touched her cheek.
"What was it?" he asked in a gentle voice. Syl stiffened at that question; she hadn't wanted him to ask that because she knew that she would have to answer, and that would make this baby not an it, but a him. It would make it real. She didn't want it to be real.
"It was a boy," she said softly. Suddenly she saw a toddler that looked like Krit at age three, only with hair, looking up at her, grinning. I love you, Mummy! he chirped happily. She shook it away and beside her Krit closed his eyes briefly, nodded against her hair, likely seeing the same sort of thing. He let his breath out in a shuddering sigh and she laid a hand on the back of his neck. "He didn't have a barcode," she said.
"You saw him?" Krit's dark eyes met hers hopefully but she had to shake her head.
"I couldn't. Zack told me."
"That's okay," he said.
"I'm sorry, Krit."
"It wasn't your fault." He pulled her closer as her tears started again. "It's okay, Syl, shshsh." But the soothing sounds he was making didn't help at all, because he'd started crying just as hard as she was, if not harder. She sobbed into his chest, her tears hot against his shirt. "I love you, Syl," he whispered in a sad voice. She sighed, leaned against him, closed her eyes.
"I love you, too," she whispered back, then hesitated before going on. "I would have liked to have had a baby with you, Krit." As soon as she said the words she knew they were true, and a stabbing pain went through her heart. Her tears came harder. Krit wrapped his strong arms around her, his warmth comforting against her body.
"Are you staying?" he asked softly. A few months ago she would have said, No, no way, I'm leaving tomorrow. It would have been easier to say that, for both of them. But as Syl gazed up at his sad but hopeful face, the love in his dark eyes, her expression softened and she almost smiled. Who needed easy?
"I love you," she whispered again, turning her face against his neck and
giving him a soft kiss behind his ear. "And I should have stayed a long time
ago."
