Chapter 11 - A Sad Little Love Story

Sarah sighed and looked towards the ground as everybody else laid down to sleep. After a few silent but brief moments, Xelloss got up and walked away into the thick of trees. A second after, Sarah got up after him. The both of them walked slowly away for awhile, then stopped, completely out of hearing range of the others, asleep or not. Sarah stepped up to Xelloss's side, both of them still quiet.

"..I...I can't even say that I missed you.."

She made no reply to that.

"...This...This is all so strange.. These past thousand years I have been living my life as I had before I met you..demo... Now I don't know what to do, what to believe, what to think. A thousand years with you, and a thousand years just being a Mazoku. Tell me...why didn't you come back to me? Why didn't you crack the spell earlier?"

"..."

"Sarah...tell me...please..."

"I said before that I have lost my freedom... Other than the ability to move and use my powers to get LoN's demands done, I have no freedom, at all. I cannot love, I cannot feel for others, I cannot be too close to my friends, I cannot let anyone really know of my existence. I am merely a puppet now. Try and cut my lines, and she will pull me back to her, take back the life that was meant to be dead years ago. She has no mercy, remember..."

"It's not fair. None of this is fair."

"It never is Xelloss, you know that."

"Hai. That won't stop me from saying it though."

"Haha...no, it won't." Sarah looked away to the right just as she felt the other's eyes upon her.

"...and even the Lord of Nightmares won't stop me from doing this." Sarah didn't even have time to be surprised when Xelloss slipped an arm around her waist and pulled her close to him. And her only reaction was her thoughts about how sweet this kiss was with his lips on hers. A moment passed and Xelloss let his arm come to his side as he slowly pulled away, but Sarah leaned forward and put her arms around his neck to kiss him before their lips had even completely parted. Looking slightly taken aback at that, Xelloss hesitated a little before he put his arms around her again. So they stayed that way for a little while before they parted from the kiss, but they stayed standing there in each other's arms.

"..." They just stared into each others eyes( yes, Xelloss's eyes were open ), both pairs of eyes saying something. Then finally the both of them opened their mouths and both spoke at the same time. "That!..."

"Ano...you go first Xelloss.."

"Ah... Well, I was just going to say that that...this...was surprising. I mean, during the time I've known you, I haven't seen you so close to anybody before...you especially wouldn't let me or yourself be so close..."

"...Yeah...well...we were together almost a thousand years, but during that time, neither of us said anything or even hinted about our feelings...I don't think either of us even knew what we were feeling... You definitely couldn't tell me about mine because they're always blocked..."

"Hai. That...could be one reason why I am so fond of you..."

"Fond..?"

"Eh... Well..."

Sarah chuckled a little and took one step backwards to seperate herself from him. "Don't worry, I'm only teasing you."

"Uh, wait.." Xelloss was thinking that she had suddenly felt offended and that that was the reason why she was stepping away, but before he could say anything as an apology, she said something that surprised him...somewhat greatly.

"My first kiss...Do you know? You just gave me my first kiss. I have lived for little over two thousand years, and I have never recieved a single kiss until now. Funny, isn't it? But you know, I'm glad that my first kiss...was with you. Even if I did have to wait two thousand years, I am glad to have recieved my first kiss from you.... Xelloss, can you forgive me?" Sarah lifted her head to look at him with teary eyes. Soft and sad eyes of bright silver showing happiness and pain together. "Can you forgive me for what I've done? For erasing your memory? And...and for losing my freedom? Can you forgive me for not being able to be with you the way you want me to?" She looked as if the tears would just pour out, but somehow they refused to fall from her eyes. "Xelloss, I don't know what to do. If I try to go to you, if I try to run away from LoN to stay with you, and in love, I'll die.. And if I go back to LoN after I finish this job, I cannot be with you, by your side. And this cannot be changed by me, by you, by any dragon or human, not by any being except for LoN herself and you and I both know she won't do that.."

She watched Xelloss's half pained face for a bit before turning her face away so that he couldn't see the tears streaming quietly down her cheeks. "I'm sorry.... I shouldn't have said that... But...we really should try and forget all this... We cannot allow ourselves to become any closer than we already are."

"I'll find a way. Sarah, I will find a way. We are already too close, too...in....in.....too close... I won't stand by and just watch you leave or die, whichever way it turns out to be. I will find a way for us to be together, whether it be protecting you from even LoN, or if I have to swear my own service to her, I don't care. I will find a way, that I swear to you, I promise you."

"Xelloss..."

"Don't. I've made up my mind. Don't try to change it. I'll do whatever it takes, just as long as I can be with you."

"...Baka...Baka! You'll die that way! You will die! She'll just kill you, can't you see, there's no way of winning over her! Baka! Bakamono!"

She spun around and headed back to the clearing where the others were, barely noticing someone else's presence as she passed by him. Slowing down as she neared the clearing, she finally stopped at a tree and leaned against it. Then starting to cry again, she slowly slid down it, the tears streaming down her face, her back against the tree. Her sobbing was quiet, but the tears kept on coming. It was strange, to cry like this. It had been a thousand years since she cried this hard. And that was when she heard of the Ancient Dragons' murder... Why, how come she couldn't block out this sadness and pain just like she always did. Why couldn't she lock it up and push it aside as she did with her anger, depression, loneliness, even her happiness! Was this so bad, so terrible that she couldn't be her neutral emotionless self?

"Baka...bakamono...Sarah...you.are.an.idiot..." A little more sobbing, and then she finally felt the presence of someone else...the same man she passed before. She recognized the aura immediately. Of course, because it stood out from all the others, there wasn't many like him, like her...a chimera... "Graywords, what do you want?"

"Uh... Heh, you caught me." Graywords came out of the shadows of the trees and walked over to Sarah. Then sat down against a tree next to hers.

"Couldn't sleep?"

"Nope, not with my mind in this state."

"I can't blame you. However, I am interested in how much you heard and saw back there." She must have wiped away her tears sometime because when she looked up at the other chimera, there was no trace of the tears that were in her eyes and on her cheek.

"Well...basically, beginning to end..."

She chuckled and looked at the ground in front of her. "And yet you have no advice for me? You do not mention your feelings or thoughts about any of it? Not that it matters. I can sense the little sympathy you feel for me. But do not, please, do not sympathize me, do not pity me, do not feel sad for problems that are my own. For they are mine and you have yours. It will only give you a headache, a mind to want to help others, and a stronger concience. And none of those are good..."

"That's what you think. Sometimes they can be good though. That's what I've learned while travelling with these people and their insanity."

She chuckled again in an amused way. "Insanity? That is not called insanity my dear chimera, that is called a great big headache with a slight mix of fun and confusion. Crazy is either great stupidity or great daring. Insanity would be Xelloss. Psychotic would be war between heart and mind. Havoc is Lina. Turmoil is the world's torment, or in short, humans. Chaos...would be me when I go berserk with anger."

Zelgadiss perked an eyebrow at her words. "You seem to have a sure definition of every one of those words."

"Heh. I have more. Silence is a soundless atmosphere of pressure, either meaning danger, or solemness. Quiet is the still yet gently flowing tranquility of a cool summer's day with the buzz of bees and smell of wildflowers, or a walk in the woods at dawn when only a few birds are singing without breaking the peace and the scent of new morning dew mixes with the fresh leaves and soil. Peace is the sweet air and quiet of love or the ending of a war. War is havoc, turmoil, confusion, hatred, revenge, pain, battles of both the soul and body, sadness, worry. Hate is the base of all negative energy, all negative feelings, while it is all of them put together. Revenge is a meaningless and pointless determination that merely wastes away at a person's life. Sadness and depression are like pits of darkness and abyss that threatens to drown you in your own tears. The difference between the two is that you can be pulled from sadness with someone's help or by climbing out yourself. Depression is a caged pit, barring you from the outside world, making it much harder to escape from its abyss."

"Interesting... You sound like you know everything."

"Maybe I do. But even the wisest and the most oldest of beings cannot know everything."

"You're right... Especially when it comes to love, huh?"

"Love...love you say....love is something that cannot be explained or expressed through one thing, nor a million things, yet it can be expressed wholly through that one word, or one small action. Love is itself, yet a hundred million other things, love is one thing, and love is all. Inexplainable, but expressable, clearly seen, but unseeable, existing, but not there. I could say several things, maybe even say all that I have to say about it, and yet I would not be able to say everything. I could tell you all of my feelings about it, yet there would be many many feelings left unsaid. Love is all that and so much more, and so different for each individual. So no, nobody can truly know anything about love until they have truly learned about all else in this world and have experienced so many different things. Even I, someone who has not only gone through her own experiences but also has been with and seen others with their own experiences, can truly know everything. That is the law of life, and it is in death which we are free from these laws, but we also loose our ability to think, to understand, to learn, to know. That is the way everything is..."

Sarah shook her head a bit and then looked up at Graywords to see a slightly surprised face watching her. "What?"

"Uh, nothing..." He looked away from her.

"...Oh...heh...strange to hear someone who looks to be around twenty to speak of things like that, isn't it? Well do not let my appearance fool you. I am still much much older than you, as you know already. Try not to be so surprised."

"I will. But even you have to admit that it's hard not to. You look twenty, don't look like the type to talk of things like that, and you...you're..."

"Stop, go to sleep. You do not want to be too tired when we leave early in the morning."

"I'm fine. I can get through. And besides I can't slee-"

"I said sleep, Graywords. I think I remember saying that it is better for you to listen to me."

Sarah looked at him with hard eyes, the silver now looking more like an icy grey. She saw him open his mouth to say something, then noticing her narrowed eyes, he turned away and went over to his spot somewhere between Amelia and Gourry. But before laying down, he asked her something.

"Before I sleep...Sarah...could you tell me what it was you were thinking? When you had seen my face the first time?"

"....." A moment of silence and then she smiled slightly at him, her eyes still an icy grey, but a momentary shine of bright silver could have been seen if Graywords hadn't been looking the opposite direction. "I was thinking...that you were...cute..." She sensed surprise in him, which amused her somewhat. "Now go to sleep, Graywords."

"Uh, right.." He laid down on his side and slowly fell into a deep sleep.

~~~

"MESHI!!!!" Gourry and Lina yelled happily at the same time as their companions watched them speed into town and straight into a restaurant. Soon afterwards they heard shouting and fighting. When they finally came in front of the building, they could hear the metal clanking of fork against fork, knife against knife.

"We've made much better progress than the past few weeks, now that we've been rid of those mercenaries and bandits." Jeffrisce followed the others inside the restaurant with Sarah.

"Hai." She sat down quietly at one of the two tables that were pushed together

"Lina-san! Gourry-san! Does the nearest restaurant always have to be the first stop at every town!?!"

Lina looked up at the blonde woman with a drumstick in her mouth. She said something with a happy face and then sort of yelled with her mouth still closed over the drumstick because Gourry had stolen her plate of sausages. This caused Filia to sweatdrop a bit.

Zelgadiss was quietly drinking a cup of coffee while eating his own small meal, making sure that Lina or Gourry couldn't steal any of it. Amelia was protecting her own food while eating it. Jeffrisce was happily eating some bread and soup, complimenting it while chit-chatting with Sarah at his right. Sarah herself was only sipping at a glass of wine. Her hood was up and her hair pushed back. She was also sitting in her chair so that she was facing away from Xelloss who was sitting next to her and looking cheery as usual.

After Lina and Gourry had their third helpings, Filia started scolding them again. Xelloss interupted with a happy little note and then she snapped at him, insulting him several times, causing his eyebrow to twitch several times. But before he could insult her back, Sarah said something that surprised Filia and Amelia, also catching everybody else's attention.

"Shut up, Copt. You have no right to insult Xelloss with those words. You also have no right to be so prejudice against Mazoku, just as the rest of you. Especially you, a Golden Dragon." She glared at Filia from under her hood with narrowed eyes. "You and your race did not only fight with the Mazoku, but you killed your own kind. I do not know how you came by to be mother of that Ancient Dragon, whether you are different from the others of the Golden Dragons, whether there is a good reason or bad for you to take care of him, or even if you really do care about him, I do not care. In my eyes you are still one of them. So do not dare think even for a second that you have any right at all to call that baby yours, or call Xelloss filthy. He is not filthy, he is not rotten, he is not evil, and he is -definitely- not raw garbage. He is just a Mazoku, leave it at that."

Sarah put down her now empty glass and got up from her seat, quickly leaving the restaurant.

"H-hey! Seliana! Wait for me!" Jeffrisce got up clumsily and went after her. Xelloss gripped his staff as if about to get up and leave also, but instead he let go and sat back in his chair again.

"What just happened?" Gourry blinked at everybody.

"I believe Sarah just became upset at the fact that a Golden Dragon was insulting me, added with the annoyance during the whole trip that the reborn ValGaav is now being taken cared of by a Golden Dragon. Or she could be very angry. And another reason could be that I am just sitting here doing nothing but eating Filia's...remarks."

"I see no reason for her to be angry at me. I said nothing to her and what she said made no sense at all. She's just mad."

"Well that would be your opinion. Mine, however, would be that you just have a much smaller and limited view on things, and that you just do not like to accept new and different people... Just like all the other Golden Dragons."

"What do you mean by that, Mazoku?"

He grinned at her cheerily, although there could be seen a hint of malice. "Sore wa...himitsu desu." He got up from his seat and left the restaurant just as cold and calm as Sarah had.

"...Is Xelloss mad about something?" Gourry asked and looked to everybody for an answer.

"Hmph, that demon priest doesn't have feelings, he can't be mad about anything but my insults."

"But Filia-san, Xelloss-san hasn't ever reacted that way towards you before."

"Amelia's right, I have no idea what just went on, but I know that Sarah was atleast upset about something, and Xelloss was much more than that."

Zelgadiss sighed as he put his empty cup down and turned away from the door which he was watching before. "You still haven't figured it out yet?"

"Figure out what, Zel?"

"Those two."

"Huh?" Lina blinked at him blankly for a moment and then it dawned on her. "They...Them...Together...But Xelloss is a Mazoku, and Mazoku can't feel."

"Actually, apparantly they can..."

"Zelgadiss-san! I can't believe I'm hearing that from you! You are the only sensible person in this group other than me, how can you say that that, that, that, that demon of demons! can feel!?"

"You would believe it too if you saw what I saw. No, I won't tell you, it's not in my right. But there's no mistake."

"So then...then Sarah-san got angry at Filia-san for yelling at Xelloss- san and, like he said before, for being a Golden Dragon taking care of the only Ancient Dragon left? And Xelloss-san got mad at Filia-san for...oh! For calling Sarah-san..mad..."

"You are all thinking nonsense! I don't know what you saw, Zelgadiss-san, but I will not allow myself to believe that someone like Xelloss can have a heart!" Filia got up and somewhat stomped outside.

"Gah! Now all three are all mad at each other!"

Zelgadiss sighed. "This is going to be one long trip..."

~~~

"You do not need that much food, Inverse."

"What are you talking about??? I am not planning on getting starved out in the desert!"

"Have it your way then." Sarah turned around and left the store and walked down the path. Jeffrisce wanted to follow, but he was stuck carrying lots and lots of food plus a few canteens of water. Lina, Jeffrisce, Filia, and Gourry were all left there in the store. The rest followed after Sarah to the leave the town. "Are the rest of you okay with that much?"

"Yep! Besides, if it isn't, we can just take some from Lina or Gourry- san's packs." Amelia smiled brightly, happy after their nice meal and plus she was walking next to Zelgadiss. Xelloss was behind Sarah, looking happy, but quite silent.

"HEY!!! WHO TOLD YOU GUYS TO GO AHEAD WITHOUT US!?!?!?!" The members left in the store caught up with them.

"You were too busy food shopping. I am not fond of wasting time. Please try to keep up."

"Seliana...TT Could you please help me?"

"They piled it on you, I wish not to hold any of that like a slave. If carrying all that is so hard, then dump it on the ground so that Inverse can carry it."

"Do that and I'll give you a whopping..." Lina's voice.

"TT Seliana!!"

"Stop bothering me..."

"Seliana, you're being so mean!"

"Jeffrisce...otouto...now is really not a good time to bother me..."

"I'm not in much of a good situation either!" By this time, Jeffrisce was next to Sarah whom...landed a nice hard fist on his head, causing him to stop in his tracks and sway dangerously. Lina and Gourry yelled and took their packs of food before Jeffrisce fell forward, face-flat on the ground.

"That was a bit harsh, Sarah, don't you think?"

"I warned him...twice...I think that is enough."

"Still, he is one of your special friends."

"I think you should have figured it out by now, friend or no, it does not effect me.."

"No, it doesn't, does it? Oh well, guess it isn't my problem."

"Exactly, it is not your problem."

"Why are you being so snappy? Knowing you, you should have gotten over what had happened in the restaurant by now."

"Oh? Well then, I guess you really do not know me. You want to know why? Because I have finally come to know how it feels to be jealous." She quickened her pace out of town.

"Jealous? Hey Xelloss, do you think Seliana is jealous of Filia because of how you two get along? I mean, you just do nothing while she throws insults at you, even when you're visibly getting angry at her."

"But I do the same."

"Yeah, but first you wait, like you're trying to suppress your anger first. In her eyes, she might see it as you don't want to be angry at Filia."

"That's-"

"Nonsense, yeah, but you know jealousy better than anybody. In fact, you know she isn't completely Mazoku, so she does have feelings, so you should be able to understand her. Strange, you don't completely understand her like you do humans and dragons."

"Ah, even you have to admit that she is different. Zelgadiss is a chimera, a mix of things just like her, yes, but he is still very predictable. Sarah, however, will sometimes be like a Mazoku, sometimes like a dragon, sometimes even human even though she isn't and never has been one, and her feelings also depend on her mood and how sharp her wolf instincts are."

"Really? Hm...I never knew...I never even thought about that. Hey, that's why yo-" Xelloss hit Jeffrisce on the head and he rubbed the painful double lump on his head. "Ow! What was that for?"

"Sore wa himitsu desu." He smiled and then went ahead to try and catch up with Sarah. The others either groaned, sighed, complained, or slumped as they also tried to catch up.

~~~

Um...yeah, this was kind of a more...meaningless chapter lol.well, I'll be working on chapter 12 then!^-^ Reviews please!