"Don't do that," he warned. Then everything came back.
"Oh God," she said, sitting up abruptly, staring at him standing next to the bed. She took in the bruises on his face and neck, the way he was holding himself, favouring his left leg slightly.
"It's alright," he said, sitting down in the chair beside the bed, more heavily than would normally be necessary. "It's just a few broken ribs and a twisted ankle. Jondy's already bound them both."
"I'm so sorry, Zane," she whispered. "I'm so sorry."
"We both know Krit has a temper," he said softly, raising pained eyes to her injuries.
"Jondy says it's worse than it looks," she told him quickly, wishing her face didn't look so bad, all swollen and torn up.
"He pulled all his punches," Zane said quietly. "For me."
"Good," she said, relieved. "Good." He looked at her.
"Why didn't he pull them for you, Syl?" he asked, then started another question, glanced away. "I guess I don't have to ask why you didn't fight back."
"He pulled his punches for you because if he didn't he would have killed you," Syl said softly. "Or come close at least. He wasn't trying to kill me."
"Could have fooled me." Zane's words were soft but they stung. "His hands were going for your neck when Tinga and I came into the hall." Syl's tears spilled over and she shook her head.
"It's my fault," she whispered. "It's all my fault."
"Maybe," Zane said heavily, reaching out a hand to squeeze her shoulder. "But you didn't deserve all that." Syl looked at him and asked the question she was afraid to.
"How did Krit look when he left?" she asked softly. Zane withdrew his hand and smiled a little.
"Better," he said. "Better than me."
"I know that shouldn't make me happy..." She trailed off and his smile broadened to almost its usual grin.
"Sure it should," he said. She smiled back slightly, met his gentle dark eyes.
"We have to talk."
"Yeah," he said, letting his breath out. "I know."
"Where are Tinga and Jondy?"
"Out," he said. "They're doing some reconnaissance."
"Reconnaissance?"
"For the mission," he explained. "To get Zack out of Manticore. And Brin too, while we're there."
"Do you think she's still Brin?" she asked softly. Zane shrugged.
"Doesn't matter," he said. "We'll deal with that later, first step is to get them out of there."
"Zack's going to be really mad," she said, a small smile playing on her lips. Zane laughed.
"Can't wait," he said. He stood up, limped to the bed, sat down on the edge of it, took her hand gingerly. "So let's talk," he said softly. "Now." Syl nodded slowly.
"I'll start," she said, and took a deep breath. "Zane... you're still..." She swallowed.
"Your brother?" he finished softly. She met his eyes in surprise and he nodded. "Yeah," he said. "I know."
"But how-"
"It doesn't matter," he interrupted gently. "It doesn't matter why."
"This could really wreck us," she said, her lip trembling. "I'm sorry."
"Syl, you apologize too much," he murmured, his hand soft against her hair. "And I don't want it to wreck us," he said softly. "So it's okay. We'll make sure it doesn't." He dropped his hand she watched him for a moment, his dark eyes thoughtful. "This is going to make us closer, Syl." She almost laughed.
"How?"
"I don't know," he admitted. He added softly, "Maybe like it made Zack and Brin closer. Every time I saw them he still called her little sister." Syl met his eyes slowly.
"You know about that?"
"I know everything about Brin," he said. "We're close." His gaze wavered and he swallowed, added in a whisper, "We were close." Syl touched his arm and they sat in silence for a long time before she spoke again.
"That was different though," she said quietly. "That was a heat thing." Zane looked perplexed.
"Only the first time," he said, his tone bemused. Then he took in her expression, cringed. "But you didn't know about that, did you? I should shut up."
"It was so long ago," Brin said as Syl listened en rapt, holding the
phone tightly. "I don't think about it so much anymore, and I know Zack
doesn't." Syl was surprised by something in her voice.
"You want him to think about it?" she asked.
"No, it isn't even like that. It was more than just that one night." Brin sighed. "Look, I said I didn't want to get into this."
"I'm so curious I may burst," Syl admitted, and then smiled. "But whatever you want, Brin. We can always talk about this again."
"Of course. Next time."
Syl blinked against tears because there hadn't been a next time; she
looked at Zane and managed not to cry, managed to smile at him.
"Never mind," she said softly. "It doesn't matter."
"I don't want..." He trailed off, let out his breath. "We can get past this, Syl."
"I hope so, Zane."
"And I could have said no," he reminded her. She raised her eyes to his slowly.
"Why didn't you?" she asked softly. He gazed at her for a long time.
"You looked so lost," he whispered finally. "I know how that feels. And..." He shrugged a little, looked embarrassed. "You asked," he said. "You asked, Syl, and it's as simple as that because I'm an idiot." She stared at him, finally managed a small laugh, then reached for him and pulled him into a close hug.
"You're not an idiot," she said as his arms slipped around her back and squeezed. "You're the sweetest person I know."
"I hope you never ask me for anything like that again, Syl," he said gravely, his voice soft. She pulled back and touched his soft reddish hair tenderly.
"I won't," she said. "I promise I won't."
"Good." He smiled. "So are we okay?" She stared at him, shook her head in bemusement, laughed.
"I think we might be," she said, not believing her own words. "But it seems too simple."
"Well, I'm a simple guy," he joked, and she smirked.
"Hardly," she said. Zane flushed a little and stood up, offering her a hand. She got to her own feet, felt dizziness hit her, waited for it to pass. She started to smile at him, then frowned. His eyes were fixed on her shoulder, where her shirt had fallen away slightly, exposing where he'd bitten her the night before.
"Syl," he whispered, and she saw something frightening enter his eyes as they darkened impossibly. He was looking at her like he owned her, like he wanted her. His hand slipped around her shoulder and started to pull her closer but she brought a fist up and shoved it against his chest.
"Don't," she said firmly. Zane met her eyes, blinked the glaze that had settled over them away, dropped his hand.
"Whoa," he said, swallowing hard, taking a step back.
"Okay, so we know you shouldn't do that," Syl remarked, trying to lighten the mood even though she was a bit shaken. She hadn't really known what that bite was going to mean for them, but now she had an idea.
"I didn't even-"
"I know," she said, gentle. "But don't be offended when I smack you hard if you ever do that again." He didn't even smile, instead nodded gravely.
"Please do," he said. There was a long, uncomfortable silence before humour touched his voice and he added, "Breakfast?"
"Must be lunch by now," she pointed out. He shrugged.
"Whatever," he said. "Pancakes?" Syl smiled.
"Sure." She followed him into the kitchen, sat and watched him find all the ingredients. "So what's up with you and Jondy?" she asked, saw him pause momentarily.
"Nothing," he said.
"You haven't said anything to her?"
"There hasn't really been that much of an opportunity what with all the fighting and sleeping I've been doing, Syl," he said, grinning at her. "Besides-" He stopped when the door opened; Tinga and Jondy came into the room, smiled when they saw that Syl was up.
"Got us some good prelim?" Zane asked.
"Yeah," Jondy answered. "And we found us a nice little something extra up on a roof." That's when Syl saw Krit walking into the apartment, and when he saw her injured face he almost turned around and walked out again, his eyes wide and pained.
"In there," Tinga said, stopping him and shoving him into Zane's bedroom. "You too, Syl."
"I'll save you breakfast," Zane said. She nodded, stood up, started past him. He grabbed her arm and swallowed, hesitated before speaking. "Don't lock it," he said quietly. "It takes a lot longer than I'm comfortable with to break down these doors." Syl jerked away from him roughly.
"Don't," she hissed. "He didn't mean it." She kept walking, went into the bedroom, paused as she closed the door. She locked it and sat on the bed, watching Krit's back where he was standing by the window. Zane had been right; he did look far less hurt. There was almost not a mark on him, and she doubted it was because he was that much better; Zane must have just taken it. She bit her lip.
"Krit-"
"I don't even remember," he whispered, finally turning around to look at her; he couldn't make eye contact, couldn't look at her face. "I don't even remember doing it."
"It's okay," she whispered. "I deserved-"
"No, Syl!" he interrupted immediately, suddenly beside her on the bed, pulling her close. "No," he whispered. "Don't say that, it's not true." She started crying, clutched at him.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered.
"I know," he breathed, running a hand through her hair, careful to avoid her wounds. "I know, I know." He rubbed a hand over her back, pulled away slightly and touched her uninjured cheek, tears in his eyes. He leaned forward and kissed her, softly, tentatively, as though he was afraid she'd shove him away. She held him closer, sobbed and kissed him back, both of them needy.
"Syl," he whispered, deepening the kiss, and she sighed into his mouth. When they needed to breathe again his lips moved to her cheek, the tender spot behind her ear, down her throat. She sighed contentedly again as he pushed aside her shirt to bathe the curve of her neck in kisses; she knew they weren't alone in the apartment but at this point she didn't care. It had been so long and she wasn't sure if she wanted this now but she knew he needed to know she still loved him.
Krit pulled back abruptly and her eyes flew open to meet his, confused; his features were set in pain again, and he reached out a shaky hand and touched it to her skin. She shivered.
"What's wrong?" she whispered. His hand dropped and he stood, backed up against the window again. His hands grasped the sill as though he was trying not to fall.
"That," he whispered. "Is that what I think it is?"
"Wha-" she started, then realized, looked down where her shirt had fallen away from her shoulder, exposing where Zane had bitten her. She stood up. "He just did it," she said quickly. "He didn't even know why, it was just instinct."
"I can't look at that," he said quietly, glancing away. "It's so... obvious. I was trying to forget that you-" He broke off and took a deep, steadying breath, not making eye contact again. He swallowed hard. "I don't even know what it means."
"Neither do I," she admitted, decided against telling him what had happened before when Zane had touched it. She was just glad she hadn't bitten him back, or there might have been real problems. She and Krit had both done that each other the first time they'd been together and the effect had been electrifying, so she doubted it would have been a good thing to have done the same with Zane. "Maybe it means nothing," she said, but neither of them looked convinced.
"Syl," he said, and ran a hand through his hair. "Tell me what you want to do."
"Me?" she asked, surprised. He nodded.
"Before... this...." He swallowed again, his voice soft. "Before all of this you left, Syl. Were you planning on coming back?" She thought about that for a long time.
"I don't know," she finally admitted. "I really don't." He let his breath out slowly and paced to the window.
"With all of this..." he began softly, paused. "With all of this I don't know if I can..." Tears slipped down Syl's cheeks.
"I know," she whispered. "I know." He stared at her for a long time.
"I need you not to cry right now, Syl," he said finally, his voice firm. She forced her tears to stop, gazed at his tense face with blurred vision.
"I want to try again," she said softly. He sat down again and she tentatively took a seat next to him, reached up to brush her fingers through his dark hair. "What do you want, Krit?" There was a long silence as he stared at his hands, and then finally his voice came back softly.
"I don't want you to see Zane anymore." She blinked several times and stared at him, then edged slightly away from him without really meaning to, shocked. She couldn't speak for a long time.
"You can't-" she finally sputtered. "You..."
"Syl," he said firmly. "I don't want you to see him." After a long pause she stood up and it took several minutes to keep her tears at bay.
"Visiting Tinga is impossible," she whispered finally. "You know I can't stand Jondy for more than an hour." She bit her lips so she wouldn't cry. "With Zack and Brin gone..." She took a deep, steading breath against her tears. "You and Zane are all I have left." Krit stiffened.
"Aren't I enough?" he asked shortly. She turned and walked to the window, crossed her arms over her chest. The void between them filled with silence for a long time.
"It's not about that," she said finally.
"I don't trust you, Syl." His voice was soft. That hurt, but she didn't blame him. How could she? It was all her fault, and none of it his.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I wish I could change it."
"But you can't," he countered. She heard him stand and she raised a hand to touch the windowpane, not looking at him. "It's what I want," he said.
"This is my brother," she whispered. "I can't just-"
"You have to," he cut her off firmly, almost angrily. "If you want to be with me, you have to earn my trust back, Syl."
"I need time to think," she whispered. "I have to think about this." There was a long silence.
"You do?" he finally asked, his voice soft with pain. She turned back to him.
"It's not about that," she said. "It's not about you, Krit."
"No," he agreed. "It's about you and him. You went after him this time and he went after you when you were in heat, Syl."
"Don't," she said, stung. "That's not how it is. You know Zane's always had more sensitivity to that sort of thing. It's not his fault he was made that way."
"I don't want it to happen again."
"I told you it wouldn't."
"I'm sorry, Syl," he said softly, sounding more sad and firm than sorry. "I don't believe you."
"I have to think," she told him again in a tiny voice. She glanced at him, gazed into his dark eyes for a long time. "This is going to change everything, Krit," she whispered. "Is that what you want?" He turned abruptly and pulled open the bedroom door.
"You already changed it, Syl," he said shortly. "Tell me when you've decided." He left the room and closed the door behind him, and she stared after him for a long time. Then she sat down on the bed and fixed her eyes on the wall, trying not to cry. The door opened again and she hoped he'd reconsidered, but it was Tinga standing there.
"Can I come in?" she asked gently. Syl nodded and she closed the door again, came and sat next to her sister. An arm slipped around her and she was pulled close. "Give him some time," Tinga murmured. "He's hurt and vulnerable right now."
"How could I do this?" she whispered, tears threatening again. She was so tired of crying. "How could I do this to him?"
"People do stupid things when they're scared," she answered softly, rubbing a hand over Syl's back and threading it through her long blonde hair. Syl pulled out of her sister's arms, feeling Tinga's eyes on her as she crossed the room and leaned against the wall, hugging herself.
"Sometimes I think it would be better for him if I just left him alone." There was silence for a long time.
"You're probably right," she said quietly, smoothing the blankets on Zane's bed. She stood up but didn't approach, just gazed at Syl with her soft dark eyes. "But Krit loves you." Tears slipped hot down Syl's cheeks.
"Why?" she whispered.
"How can you ask that?"
"He sees something I don't see," she said softly. Tinga smiled warmly.
"That's love," she said, her voice gentle. "It doesn't have to make sense." She walked over and entwined their fingers, squeezed. "You're too hard on yourself." She brushed the hair off Syl's face and smiled a little.
"You don't understand," she whispered, turning away. Tinga's hand dropped.
"I know," she said gently. "That makes everything easier, doesn't it?" Syl glanced at her, didn't say anything for a long time. She shrugged her sister's question off.
"He doesn't want me to see Zane anymore," she whispered. Tinga looked momentarily surprised, then took a step back and sat on the bed. Syl watched her for a moment and then walked over, sat next to her.
"I didn't really see that one coming," Tinga admitted. Syl shook her head.
"Me neither."
"I'm sure he doesn't mean forever."
"He seems to."
"He'll come around."
"So you're telling me I should agree?" she asked. Tinga was silent for a long time.
"I think you owe him a lot," she said finally, then glanced at her. "And I think you should stop running away because he needs you, especially now with all of this going on." She touched her face. "And you need him too I think."
"I know," Syl whispered, shutting her eyes against more tears. "I know." Tinga opened her mouth, closed it. She frowned.
"I think you need to tell him whatever it is that Zack and Brin knew."
"No," she whispered.
"I remember," Tinga said. Syl's eyes flew to hers. "You were at my house. It was so long ago I'd almost forgotten, but Krit mentioned it last year."
"I don't want to do that, Tinga."
"I think you have to." She paused. "And I think you need to stop seeing Zane. For just a while. Krit needs to know you still love him."
"Of course I do."
"I know," she whispered. "But he's scared." Her fingers lightly brushed Syl's face, touching against the edge of the bandage across her eyes. "And this..."
"It's worse than it looks," she repeated what she'd told Zane, shrugging away. At the thought of him her eyes flew to Tinga's. "Is Krit out there with him?"
"No," she said softly. "He already left. He's staying in some motel."
"Oh." She forced herself to sound calm. "I'm staying here tonight." Tinga nodded slowly.
"I know." She reached for Syl's hand and squeezed. "It's going to be okay." Tears blurred Syl's vision again.
"Tinga," she whispered. "Why did all this have to happen?" Her sister let her breath out, long and slow, reached a hand up to touch Syl's hair on the uninjured side of her face.
"I don't know," she murmured.
"Why did Zack have to go back there?" Syl whispered, tears stinging her eyes and spilling over. "Brin was bad enough but-" She took a shaky breath but it dissolved into tears. "Oh God, why? Why did he have to go back? He promised he'd always be here, he promised... he promised, Tinga." She found that she couldn't stop repeating herself, and her hands were shaking. Tinga wrapped her arms around her, pulling her close.
"I know," she said, and Syl heard tears in her voice too. "I know."
"Don't leave me, Tinga," she sobbed, holding her tightly. "Please don't. I couldn't do it. I couldn't."
"I won't," she whispered into Syl's hair. "Don't worry. None of us are going anywhere." Tinga's voice was so strong and confident that she was almost comforted, could almost believe she knew for sure.
There was a knock at the door, loud. Syl jumped.
"Hurry up and get out here!" Jondy's urgent voice came.
"Come on," Tinga said, releasing her and standing up. "We'll talk about this later." Syl nodded and followed her sister into the living room where the others were sitting watching television. "What is it?" Tinga asked; Jondy held up a hand to silence her, motioned at the television. They looked at it and saw a newscaster talking. Zane turned up the volume slightly.
"... now receiving confirmed reports that one of the five men on board this helicopter was in fact a federal prisoner. His name has not been released but the man had been arrested for the murder of Department of Defence agent Daniel Vogelsang. If you're just joining us, we are in the Cascade mountains where a helicopter en route from the Seattle airport has crashed. Of the five people on board, four were government agents, and the fifth is now confirmed to be a federal prisoner." Someone ran up to the reporter and handed her a piece of paper; she paused, read it, looked up at the camera again. "This just in," she said. "The earlier reports that there was gunfire heard at the crash site have now been confirmed by two other witnesses, one of whom is with us now- sir!" After a moment a man joined the newscaster on screen. "Tell us what you saw, sir," the woman said.
"Yeah," the guy started. "I seen this helicopter flying overhead, and it sort of started flying funny, like not straight... before I really knew what was going on, it flew into the trees there-" he pointed behind them at the crash. "-and that's all I really seen. I didn't want to get too close because I was afraid it would explode or something. But... I did hear gunshots after the thing crashed, and I'll testify to that. That's all I have to say." He walked away, and the newscaster turned back to the camera.
"There you have it. A fatal helicopter crash that may have involved foul play has killed five men, one of whom was apparently a man arrested on a federal warrant. If you're just joining us-" The televison clicked off and they all sat there for a long time.
"Well," Zane said flatly. "That sort of complicates things, doesn't it?"
"He's not dead," Tinga said. "There's no way he's dead."
"He's said to me time and again that anything's better than going back there," Jondy said, her voice soft with tears. No one spoke for a long time.
"He's not dead." Tinga's voice was much quieter this time. "He can't be."
"So we wait," Jondy said. "We wait and see if he comes back."
"Hang on," Zane spoke up. "What if this was all staged by Lydecker to get him quietly to Manticore? If he is there, we have to move fast or he won't be Zack anymore by the time we get to him." They all considered that.
"I don't see how we can go in if we don't even know if he's there," Syl pointed out, glad to be discussing a mission. Missions were safe, familiar; she became almost a new person with a clear mission in play. Her regular problems could recede into the background for a while, and that was nice. She hadn't had a mission in a long time.
"I agree," Tinga said after a moment. "If we go in we risk capture, and I don't think we should do that unless we know Zack is there. What if we went in and then he was actually out, and we all got caught? He'd have to come save us and I don't think he'd be too happy about that." A smile played on her lips momentarily at the thought.
"What about Brin?" Zane asked quietly, and they all cringed.
"She was so sick," Tinga whispered after a short silence. "I think she must
be one of them now. Zack didn't go back for her. I have to believe there's a
reason for that." Her hand touched soft against Zane's hair but he jerked away,
stood up and slammed abruptly out of the apartment. Jondy rose quietly and went
after him. Syl looked at Tinga but neither of them followed or said anything
after that, because there wasn't a thing they could say that would make any of
it better.
