Silver Eyes ( Restless Sleep)

By tearsofher

Disclaimer: Don't own Hermione or Draco.. How many times do I have to tell you?? awwhh. I just own the ever so wonderful plot and that lovely boy, Nickolas Gottery.

Chapter Fifteen: Hard times

88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

Draco was tired and weary each morning, his eyes drooping, and the feeling of the welcoming lullaby ringing in his ears.. Most breakfasts, he just put his head down, and managed at least a little nap before classes. But of course, after just using his breakfast time as a little naptime, he was quite hungry afterwards. But at least his roaring and empty stomach kept him awake for the rest of the day. It had been a month, since the little 'incident,' and every single morning and night when detention had begun, he was always bloody tired and cranky. 'Blasted Potter,' he thought. 'It's his bloody fault anyway, attacking me in the hall way like a wild boar who's been wandering aimlessly looking for prey all day.' Draco lifted up his head, which seemed to get heavy and heavier each moment, and cast a glance over at the Gryffindor table. Hermione was looking at him, watching him, worried.

Hermione saw amusement in his eyes, although he seemed so tired. Unfortunately, Draco liked having people worry about him, and Hermione was not at all amused by that, but she couldn't help it. It wasn't like she could just stop caring about him. Hermione sighed, their eyes still locked on each others. She saw the bags under Draco's eyes, and he was deathly pale, always tired. She wanted to ask Professor McGonagall how long she had been keeping him, and if that was really necessary. But she decided not to, she might make his punishment worse. Although, she would voluntarily have some detention for herself, taking time away from Draco's late night penalties. Just then he managed to grin at her, his eyes sparkling at least for a moment. She felt a breath catch in her throat, but she smiled back, thankful that at least he wasn't too tired to smile at her. But then he put his head down again, and Hermione turned back into.. Well whatever it was she had been doing before she started watching Draco. She sighed and looked down the Gryffindor table, and her eyes happened to fall upon her two old best friends. Ron was still cracking jokes to Dean and Seamus, and she saw harry laugh, but not heartedly. She felt her heart ache faintly, as she looked at the raven-haired boy. He looked solemn and tired, maybe just as worse as Draco. She looked away, not able to take another second looking at the boy. She wasn't repulsed, or disgusted. Just hurt.. And sad. She played with her food, sliding it across then back. She wondered why Harry looked that way; surely Hagrid hadn't working him so hard? Hagrid was their friend, afterall.. He might've given Harry some tasks, but not too many. Just enough so that the other teachers wouldn't be suspicious. But somehow, she felt a spurt of anger spring up. That wasn't fair; If Draco was being driven to work till he was so tired he could bloody die, then Harry should be too. Harry didn't deserve any special treatment; he started the fight, after all, after what Draco and the others said. But then her heart sank, as she realized what she had just thought, and what Harry deserved. She put down her fork and put her head in her hands. She was just tired, and she was still so confused, Her mind was still swarming with questions from that day. And no matter how hard she tried to block them, they still came back, even stronger and more persistent. She was forced to think about what had happened, and the pain became even more unbearable. Suddenly analyzing things and thinking about them so much was not so fun. In fact, it was bloody painful and mid racking. As if all the moisture had been sucked out of her brain, just being left there to die, from dehydration. It wsa not such a nice feeling.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Harry sat there, playing with his food, hearing his friends' laughter and happy chatter, but at the same time, not listening. He heard their voices, but it seemed as if they were speaking a foreign language he had never heard before. He felt so tired, so lifeless. It hadn't been from detention, no. Hagrid gave him work, but it was always easy tasks, just to keep him busy. He had been losing sleep, night after night, because a certain girl still haunted his dreams. Hermione. His head ached, and he felt as if there was no energy left in his body; but there was always enough to keep the pretty girl in his mind, as if carving itself there. He would always see her pained and hurt eyes, her crying in Malfoy's arms.. He couldn't take it. It drove him mad, every single bloody night. It was like a ghost prickling his old wounds from the past, opening them back up again. It was painful, and he always woke up, in cold sweat. He was in so much pain, from the knowledge, from the memories. From her, from him. His guilt was cutting him, eating him from inside out. And every single day, he couldn't bear to look at her; it felt as if his heart was cracking, giving away. He couldn't even bear to think about her, but his mind persisted. If only she knew what she made him feel, what he felt about her. Then maybe he would feel at least a little bit better. But she didn't know. She couldn't. He was such a coward; he could even bear to ever speak to her or face her again. He didn't know what he would do, what he could do. He was pretty sure he would feel his blood turn into ice, his heart stop beating.

He knew he had done this to himself. He was the one who was doing this; torturing, cutting him, trying to become the perfect shape to fit back into the past to slip through the ways of time, trying to be able to go back. And how he wanted that so badly, so badly he could feel blood fill his mouth every time he thought about it; he had bitten right through his lip. And he felt as if no one could help him; not Ron, not even Hagrid. Harry had told Ron, of course, and he saw sadness in his friend's blue eyes. Harry knew this had to be hard on Ron; he felt as if he was forcing him to push away Hermione. And Ron did, for him. Harry knew that had to be confusing, and hard. He was sure Ron had some second thoughts about it, asking himself if that was really the right thing to do. But he never left Harry's side, and Harry appreciated it a lot. But now, maybe, Harry thought, maybe this time Ron was doing the wrong thing. Maybe he ought to go back to Hermione, and Harry left all alone. He didn't want to hold Ron back if he really missed Hermione and wanted her back. Harry missed her too, much more badly than Ron, but he knew it would only hurt her if he tried to talk to her. And honestly, Harry didn't feel like he deserved her friendship right now. Maybe that was the part that was killing him so much.

He had talked to Hagrid about it, back two nights ago. He had asked what had happened, waiting for the right time to ask. And Harry told him, pausing every now and then, feeling all the memories rush back, and his chest began to tighten, and his voice more strangled. It hurt to think about alone, but talking about it was murdering. But he knew it only had to help to tell Hagrid, so he told him.

" Wha' abou' 'Ermione? Is she alrigh'?" Hagrid had asked, sitting down in his big armchair. Harry felt his heart buckle, and he turned away from hagrid, so that he wont be able to see Harry struggling, struggling to keep talking, struggling to keep the tears back. Harry scrubbed the metal cages harder and harder, as he began to talk.

" I struck her," he said, his voice sounding as if it hurt him too much to talk. " When I pulled back my hand, she came in front of Malfoy, and before I knew it.." Harry paused, blinking back the tears that had managed to escape. " She was on the floor, crying." His lungs felt as if they were burning, for he didn't want to gasp in any more air, for he knew he would just let more tears to slip out. His knuckles were red and his palms were splintered from scrubbing so hard. Hagrid, noticing Harry's pain, stood up and put a hand on his shoulder.

" well, 'at's alright,'Arry.. I'm sure she'll 'nderstand. I' 'as an accident, after all." Harry jerked away, some tears escaping.

" You don't understand!" he yelled. " I hit her! I never wanted to, she's the last person I ever want to hurt. And now, she.. She hates me. I hurt her, Hagrid," his voice suddenly got soft and quiet. " I yelled at her, insulted her because she fell for Malfoy. Because she didn't fall for me instead, like I had fallen for her. Then.. I struck her. I can't stand myself," Harry said, strangled. " It was my own blind rage and jealousy that had hurt her, in more ways than once. And all I wanted was just to tell her I loved her, and maybe for her to love me back.. But I've ruined it! Ruined it all!" Harry said, wiping away his tears on the sleeve of his robe hastily.

Hagrid was about to put another hand on his shoulder, to comfort him, but held it back and instead sat back down on his chair.

" The 'ardest thing about life, 'Arry," Hagrid said. " Is learning 'ow to love someone, and 'aving yer 'eart broken, when ya find out they don't return those feelin's." Harry sighed.

" I never thought I'd ever envy Malfoy in my whole life. But look at me now.. He seems to be the luckiest man in my eyes," Harry swallowed hard. " He might not have survived Voldermort's attempt to kill, or have a silly scar to prove it, or killed the basilisk, or done any of the thing's I've done.. But, he has the one thing that I would've done everything I could to get. Hermione's heart." Then Harry turned to Hagrid, his eyes red behind his glasses.

" I can't let go of her, Hagrid. I've tried so hard, for so long, but I can't seem to give her up. I love her too much to ever let her go." Harry looked at him, his eyes watering. " I miss her so much it hurts. Too much. What I would do to rewind time and tell her, how much she means to me, what I would do for her. I'd give her the life running through my veins if I could. But I'm just too late." He looked down.

" She means so much to me."

-----------------------------------------

turn the clock

backwards

and maybe everything will rewind

and maybe

we don't have to pretend

any longer.

because the pains

just too much to bear

to see that hurt

in your eyes

that I caused

with my cruel lies.

I swallow hard

but guilt's shoving this

boulder

down my throat.

regret keeps me

awake at night

my mistakes

shake me awake at night.

and maybe

if time could rewind

just for this time

we dont have to pretend

and I promise you

this time I wont be too late.

this time I'll take

my pride and swallow it down.

This time

if time would just rewind

I'll tell you

How

I cant live without you.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

well.. that was some chapter.. that poem, I made that keeping in mind Harry, and his feelings.. its not so good, but I had to hurry. Maybe in the next chap. Harry and hermione will talk.. I cant say very much right now. Review! Please! And please don't be mean.. I needed to have harry talk about his feelings in this chapter. Thank you to all the reviwers, and, callisto callispi for reviewing chap. One! Thank you! I consider you legendary! Thanks to Joanne for making me feel better.'

Harry Potterheads rock!

-tearsofher