Silver Eyes (Restless Sleep)
By tearsofher
Disclaimer: don't own hermione or draco or any of the other characters.. just the plot and nickolas.
Chapter Eighteen: The Truth
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Harry and Ron entered the library; each in deep discussion. Harry scanned the library; no one was here, and Madame Pince was helping Madame Pomphrey with something. Harry quickly took a seat in front of Ron, and looked at his friend. He was looking around the library, as if he was dazed. He had this far away look in his eyes, and his eyes were glazed; this place definitely brought back memories. Harry sighed and looked around, also. But he felt his heart still throbbing, still sore. All this place did was open old wounds. But he realized that his wound had never really closed, anyway. But it reminded him of the pain he still felt inside, when all he tried to do all this week was try to forget it. But even as he tried to focus on something else, but his mind was persistent on staying on the brown haired girl. So he gave in, as painful as it was, it was even worse when he resistant.
He remembered all those days she would drag them in here, insisting they would read a book rather than spending all that time playing exploding snaps or scheming against the slytherins. Part of Harry wanted to smile; even back then her heart was never into plotting against the Slytherins. He should've seen that sooner. But then more memories flooded back, and he felt his head being filled with such visions and emotions that he felt as if he was being held underwater. He remembered that night Hermione hadn't returned to the dormitories, and Ron and him were awfully worried. They searched everywhere, including the library 3 times. But, they knew she couldn't possibly be anywhere else, so they checked again. Harry had wandered to the back corner of the library, determined but he felt as if something had brought him there, luring him into the dark corner. Finally, a table came into view, piled books and stacks, but there was a form. Harry inched closer, trying to see who it was. Finally he saw a mass of brown wavy hair, and he knew that it was Hermione. He rushed over to her, and shook her.
"Hermione?" he whispered, slightly nudging her. Her form moved, and soon she lifted her ehad up, and Harry saw the tiredness in her eyes.
"Harry?" she asked, groggily.
"Yeah, it's me, Hermione," he whispered. "Come on, its almost time for curfew." She nodded, still sleepy that it was numbing. Harry grabbed her book bag, and she struggled to stay on her feet. But her foot got caught on one of the shelves' edges, and she fell forward. Harry, being the fast person that he was, caught Hermione in his arms before she reached the floor. Harry held her in his arms; her soft breaths on his neck caused butterflies erupt in his stomach. She was small and warm against him, and he felt as if he never wanted to let her go. Her form in his embrace was enough to keep him more satisfied than he knew he would ever be. But alas, he had to let her go. She was now wide awake, he guessed her little almost- fall had done something to take away that sleepiness in her eyes.
"Thanks Harry," she said, as she pulled back, a little red in her cheeks. Harry nodded at the girl, observing her, watching her. Finally they started walking again, and they met up with Ron.
"Hermione!" he exclaimed. "Where have you been?! Don't tell me you spent all this time in here?"
Hermione shifted nervously, but had her regular bossy tone. " I fell asleep," she told him.
Ron sighed. " You spend so much time in this blasted library it should be illegal," he said. Hermione glared at him, not appreciating his little joke.
"I-" she began to say, but Harry cut in.
" Ron, lay off her, will you?" Harry asked, her book bag still in his hand. Ron looked at Harry, then sighed.
"Fine. I'm sorry, Hermione," he muttered under his breath, then walked out of the library, still mumbling under his breath.
Hermione rolled her eyes; her arms crossed against her chest, and then strode out. Harry went to go catch up with her. " Hermione, don't be mad at Ron," Harry said.
" Yeah, because that would be totally unreasonable," she said sarcastically.
" You just gave us quite a scare, is all," Harry told her. Hermione sighed.
" I don't find his jokes very funny, you ought to tell him that."
-----------
"Is she still not talking to you?" Harry was brought out from his daze, and he focused on his friends face. Ron seemed serious, determined.
" No," Harry said quietly.
"Harry, maybe.. Maybe you should go talk to her."
---------
Hermione suddenly heard voices speaking. They were deep and low, and she recognized them. She walked over to the edge of the bookshelf, and peered over at where the voices were coming from. It was Harry and Ron. She was about to leave, she wanted to, but then she heard them talking about a 'she'. Curiosity pulled her back, rooting her feet to the ground.
--------------
Harry looked up at his friend. " I don't think she'll be able to listen to me," he said lowly. " I don't think she ever wants to see me again."
" Harry," Ron sighed. " You've got to try. I can see that it's killing you, being away from her like this. I know you're really guilty about what you did, but you've got to try. Maybe she'll listen to you, maybe all she's waiting is for you to come and explain."
" I just.. I don't know. She has Malfoy, she doesn't need me. She has no reason to," he said bitterly.
" So you choose to believe that, Harry? Just make up conclusions and assumptions in your head, get the worst one and choose it? Even Crabbe and Goyle aren't as dense as that."
Harry glared at Ron. " You don't understand. She seems so happy every time she's with him, and I can't help but think that we've never made her as happy as that. It kills me that we haven't and can't."
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Hermione couldn't believe her ears; Harry was.. What was Harry saying?
---------------
" Mate.. You're not Hermione. You can't possibly know that for sure," Ron said. " Just tell her, I'm sure she'll understand." Harry stayed silent for a moment.
" I hit her, Ron. Confessing that I've loved her ever since last year isn't going to change any of that, let alone make it go away. I've hurt her more than I've hurt anyone."
------------------
Hermione had her mouth open in shock and horror. Did she just hear what she thought she had? Harry.. Loved her? In that way? She.. Hermione felt as if her knees were weakening. Her world was spinning, and colors swirled in her mind.
Harry loved her? What.. What? How? Hermione felt her head as if it was being numbed with some remedy and it felt so heavy, but so light at the same time. She felt as if it was so numb it ached. She noticed she was swaying at the ball of her feet, and she was about to fall, so she grabbed a book from the shelf, trying to steady herself. Fortunately, she didn't fall. But the book fell from the shelf, and it seemed as everything froze. The thud the book made on the floor seemed like an explosion, and she felt her body freeze. They were sure to find her. They were going to find her. Why hadn't she left before?
Harry and Ron whipped around to where the noise had come from. Someone was here. Someone had been listening the entire time. Harry bolted up from his seat, as did Ron. They ran to the shelf where they had heard it from. They both stood there, shocked, at whom it was. Hermione turned pale, at her two old friends staring at her like she was a ghost from the past. Were they going to confront her?
Harry felt as if his world was crumbling. She had heard. She had heard. What was she going to say? Was she going to say anything at all? Or was she just going to run out and forget that this had ever happened. Harry cringed; that was even worse.
" Hermione?" Ron choked out. Hermione closed her mouth, and looked at her two friends. She closed her eyes, and she gasped in air. Harry could hear and see her quivering. She held the dropped book in her hand, and she tried to place it back on the shelf, avoiding their gazes. Finally, Harry spoke, but it felt as if his courage was hanging on by a thread.
" You heard," he said. Hermione looked into his emerald eyes that used to see through her so easily before. She wondered why she hadn't seen his feelings for her in his eyes.
" You should've told me. Harry," she said, almost in a whisper. She tried looking away, but he had her trapped in his eyes. No one spoke for a minute, and Hermione could feel her body screaming at her to say something, or just walk away, even if this was unfinished. This was just too unusual. She could feel shiver creeping up her arms, leaving goose bumps, and she felt as if the silence was taking forever. So, without another thought about it, she turned and strode out the library. She could feel herself shaking, her hands cold and clammy, her fingers like ice. She felt as if the whole school's temperature had gone down about fifty degrees. Harry went after her.
He burst through the library doors, looking around for her. Luckily, she was not far, so he ran to her. Hermione could hear rapid footsteps, and was going to advance into a jog, but a strong hand had grabbed her elbow, and twisted her around. She turned around fast, her eyes blazing.
" So that's why you went off on me, when I told you about Draco, isn't it? And why you started that fight with him. Because of me? Because of your feelings for me?" She said, low and full of anger. Harry swallowed hard.
" Yes," he said. He looked into her brown eyes, and he felt them cut through him unlike anyone else had before.
" You could've told me," she said, but her voice was no longer full of hate and anger. It was soft and it was barely audible. But Harry heard it as clear as the skies were outside.
" I.. I didn't know how to. I was afraid," he paused. " I was afraid I was going to lose you," he said quietly. " And I couldn't, I couldn't bear that. You don't know how much you mean to me," he looked up at her. " I'm sorry I hurt you. I really am.. You're the last person I ever want to hurt."
" Harry," she said. She gently took his hand off her elbow, and entwined her fingers in his. " I.. I don't know what to say. It's such a shock, I mean.. Last year.." Harry held her hand tightly.
" Just say that we'll be friends again," he said. " That's all I want, for things to be like they were before." It hurt for harry to say that, and he hoped Hermione couldn't see that that was the worst lie he ever told. He wanted for them to be friends again, he did. But he wanted to be with her, more than that. But she was happy with Malfoy, and all he wanted was for her to be happy. Even if that meant sacrificing his own happiness. He would do that, he realized, if he truly did love her as much as he thought he did.
" Of course, Harry," she said to him. " But, you do know that everything won't be as they were before. A lot.. Has happened," she said, as if choosing her words carefully. Harry nodded, attempting to ignore that aching in his heart that seemed to be getting stronger with each second that passed.
" I know," he said, and she smiled. She let go of his hand, and wrapped her arms around him. Harry closed his eyes, and wrapped his arms around her as well. He smelled the scent of her hair, that seemed to make him become dizzy with thoughts about her. He hugged her tighter, feeling her warm and soft form in his embrace, getting that feeling that he never wanted to let her go again, and her soft breaths on his neck. He shut his eyes as hard as he could, he could feel the tears form behind his eyes, threatening to let out. And as they pulled back, and he smiled, he couldn't help but feel his heart break in two inside.
They were friends again, and he was glad, he was.
But she would never know, even if she tried, what he had sacrificed for her to be happy. What he had to let go for her. His feelings, his wishes.. He knew his love for her would never fade, even if he did find someone new. He would still feel those butterflies in his stomach every time she smiled at him, or that warm feeling he got when she touched his arm, or when he heard her graceful laughter, that seemed to melt everything inside him.
She couldn't possibly know.
That night, when he was sure everyone was asleep, he let those tears slip; although he knew that this only made him weaker.
When, in truth, he had always been weak. He had been weakened, by that brown haired girl that had haunted his dreams every since.
It hurt him so much knowing he could never move on, even if he tried.
'In the midst of my darkest hour
You see my tearstained face
This broken form that no longer feels power
In no apparent place
And when this world has turned
Her back on me
When its cold when it once had burned
When my thoughts are frightening.
You will never leave me.'
' Never Leave' by Kendall Payne
-------------------------------------
well.. I'm sorry to say that every story has to end.. BUT THIS IS NOT THE END YET. Although, it would've been a good ending that would make you guys mad at me.. heehee,. there will probably be two more chapters, then that's it. I'm sorry.. But if you enjoy reading my work, go read my other fanfic!! Haha. Well, I promised a good ending, and I will try my best. Poor harry.. its sweet but sad what people do for the people they love. Thanks to all the reviewers who reviewed, and please keep reviewing!! Thanks.
-tearsofher
By tearsofher
Disclaimer: don't own hermione or draco or any of the other characters.. just the plot and nickolas.
Chapter Eighteen: The Truth
888888888888888888888888888888888888888888
Harry and Ron entered the library; each in deep discussion. Harry scanned the library; no one was here, and Madame Pince was helping Madame Pomphrey with something. Harry quickly took a seat in front of Ron, and looked at his friend. He was looking around the library, as if he was dazed. He had this far away look in his eyes, and his eyes were glazed; this place definitely brought back memories. Harry sighed and looked around, also. But he felt his heart still throbbing, still sore. All this place did was open old wounds. But he realized that his wound had never really closed, anyway. But it reminded him of the pain he still felt inside, when all he tried to do all this week was try to forget it. But even as he tried to focus on something else, but his mind was persistent on staying on the brown haired girl. So he gave in, as painful as it was, it was even worse when he resistant.
He remembered all those days she would drag them in here, insisting they would read a book rather than spending all that time playing exploding snaps or scheming against the slytherins. Part of Harry wanted to smile; even back then her heart was never into plotting against the Slytherins. He should've seen that sooner. But then more memories flooded back, and he felt his head being filled with such visions and emotions that he felt as if he was being held underwater. He remembered that night Hermione hadn't returned to the dormitories, and Ron and him were awfully worried. They searched everywhere, including the library 3 times. But, they knew she couldn't possibly be anywhere else, so they checked again. Harry had wandered to the back corner of the library, determined but he felt as if something had brought him there, luring him into the dark corner. Finally, a table came into view, piled books and stacks, but there was a form. Harry inched closer, trying to see who it was. Finally he saw a mass of brown wavy hair, and he knew that it was Hermione. He rushed over to her, and shook her.
"Hermione?" he whispered, slightly nudging her. Her form moved, and soon she lifted her ehad up, and Harry saw the tiredness in her eyes.
"Harry?" she asked, groggily.
"Yeah, it's me, Hermione," he whispered. "Come on, its almost time for curfew." She nodded, still sleepy that it was numbing. Harry grabbed her book bag, and she struggled to stay on her feet. But her foot got caught on one of the shelves' edges, and she fell forward. Harry, being the fast person that he was, caught Hermione in his arms before she reached the floor. Harry held her in his arms; her soft breaths on his neck caused butterflies erupt in his stomach. She was small and warm against him, and he felt as if he never wanted to let her go. Her form in his embrace was enough to keep him more satisfied than he knew he would ever be. But alas, he had to let her go. She was now wide awake, he guessed her little almost- fall had done something to take away that sleepiness in her eyes.
"Thanks Harry," she said, as she pulled back, a little red in her cheeks. Harry nodded at the girl, observing her, watching her. Finally they started walking again, and they met up with Ron.
"Hermione!" he exclaimed. "Where have you been?! Don't tell me you spent all this time in here?"
Hermione shifted nervously, but had her regular bossy tone. " I fell asleep," she told him.
Ron sighed. " You spend so much time in this blasted library it should be illegal," he said. Hermione glared at him, not appreciating his little joke.
"I-" she began to say, but Harry cut in.
" Ron, lay off her, will you?" Harry asked, her book bag still in his hand. Ron looked at Harry, then sighed.
"Fine. I'm sorry, Hermione," he muttered under his breath, then walked out of the library, still mumbling under his breath.
Hermione rolled her eyes; her arms crossed against her chest, and then strode out. Harry went to go catch up with her. " Hermione, don't be mad at Ron," Harry said.
" Yeah, because that would be totally unreasonable," she said sarcastically.
" You just gave us quite a scare, is all," Harry told her. Hermione sighed.
" I don't find his jokes very funny, you ought to tell him that."
-----------
"Is she still not talking to you?" Harry was brought out from his daze, and he focused on his friends face. Ron seemed serious, determined.
" No," Harry said quietly.
"Harry, maybe.. Maybe you should go talk to her."
---------
Hermione suddenly heard voices speaking. They were deep and low, and she recognized them. She walked over to the edge of the bookshelf, and peered over at where the voices were coming from. It was Harry and Ron. She was about to leave, she wanted to, but then she heard them talking about a 'she'. Curiosity pulled her back, rooting her feet to the ground.
--------------
Harry looked up at his friend. " I don't think she'll be able to listen to me," he said lowly. " I don't think she ever wants to see me again."
" Harry," Ron sighed. " You've got to try. I can see that it's killing you, being away from her like this. I know you're really guilty about what you did, but you've got to try. Maybe she'll listen to you, maybe all she's waiting is for you to come and explain."
" I just.. I don't know. She has Malfoy, she doesn't need me. She has no reason to," he said bitterly.
" So you choose to believe that, Harry? Just make up conclusions and assumptions in your head, get the worst one and choose it? Even Crabbe and Goyle aren't as dense as that."
Harry glared at Ron. " You don't understand. She seems so happy every time she's with him, and I can't help but think that we've never made her as happy as that. It kills me that we haven't and can't."
-------------
Hermione couldn't believe her ears; Harry was.. What was Harry saying?
---------------
" Mate.. You're not Hermione. You can't possibly know that for sure," Ron said. " Just tell her, I'm sure she'll understand." Harry stayed silent for a moment.
" I hit her, Ron. Confessing that I've loved her ever since last year isn't going to change any of that, let alone make it go away. I've hurt her more than I've hurt anyone."
------------------
Hermione had her mouth open in shock and horror. Did she just hear what she thought she had? Harry.. Loved her? In that way? She.. Hermione felt as if her knees were weakening. Her world was spinning, and colors swirled in her mind.
Harry loved her? What.. What? How? Hermione felt her head as if it was being numbed with some remedy and it felt so heavy, but so light at the same time. She felt as if it was so numb it ached. She noticed she was swaying at the ball of her feet, and she was about to fall, so she grabbed a book from the shelf, trying to steady herself. Fortunately, she didn't fall. But the book fell from the shelf, and it seemed as everything froze. The thud the book made on the floor seemed like an explosion, and she felt her body freeze. They were sure to find her. They were going to find her. Why hadn't she left before?
Harry and Ron whipped around to where the noise had come from. Someone was here. Someone had been listening the entire time. Harry bolted up from his seat, as did Ron. They ran to the shelf where they had heard it from. They both stood there, shocked, at whom it was. Hermione turned pale, at her two old friends staring at her like she was a ghost from the past. Were they going to confront her?
Harry felt as if his world was crumbling. She had heard. She had heard. What was she going to say? Was she going to say anything at all? Or was she just going to run out and forget that this had ever happened. Harry cringed; that was even worse.
" Hermione?" Ron choked out. Hermione closed her mouth, and looked at her two friends. She closed her eyes, and she gasped in air. Harry could hear and see her quivering. She held the dropped book in her hand, and she tried to place it back on the shelf, avoiding their gazes. Finally, Harry spoke, but it felt as if his courage was hanging on by a thread.
" You heard," he said. Hermione looked into his emerald eyes that used to see through her so easily before. She wondered why she hadn't seen his feelings for her in his eyes.
" You should've told me. Harry," she said, almost in a whisper. She tried looking away, but he had her trapped in his eyes. No one spoke for a minute, and Hermione could feel her body screaming at her to say something, or just walk away, even if this was unfinished. This was just too unusual. She could feel shiver creeping up her arms, leaving goose bumps, and she felt as if the silence was taking forever. So, without another thought about it, she turned and strode out the library. She could feel herself shaking, her hands cold and clammy, her fingers like ice. She felt as if the whole school's temperature had gone down about fifty degrees. Harry went after her.
He burst through the library doors, looking around for her. Luckily, she was not far, so he ran to her. Hermione could hear rapid footsteps, and was going to advance into a jog, but a strong hand had grabbed her elbow, and twisted her around. She turned around fast, her eyes blazing.
" So that's why you went off on me, when I told you about Draco, isn't it? And why you started that fight with him. Because of me? Because of your feelings for me?" She said, low and full of anger. Harry swallowed hard.
" Yes," he said. He looked into her brown eyes, and he felt them cut through him unlike anyone else had before.
" You could've told me," she said, but her voice was no longer full of hate and anger. It was soft and it was barely audible. But Harry heard it as clear as the skies were outside.
" I.. I didn't know how to. I was afraid," he paused. " I was afraid I was going to lose you," he said quietly. " And I couldn't, I couldn't bear that. You don't know how much you mean to me," he looked up at her. " I'm sorry I hurt you. I really am.. You're the last person I ever want to hurt."
" Harry," she said. She gently took his hand off her elbow, and entwined her fingers in his. " I.. I don't know what to say. It's such a shock, I mean.. Last year.." Harry held her hand tightly.
" Just say that we'll be friends again," he said. " That's all I want, for things to be like they were before." It hurt for harry to say that, and he hoped Hermione couldn't see that that was the worst lie he ever told. He wanted for them to be friends again, he did. But he wanted to be with her, more than that. But she was happy with Malfoy, and all he wanted was for her to be happy. Even if that meant sacrificing his own happiness. He would do that, he realized, if he truly did love her as much as he thought he did.
" Of course, Harry," she said to him. " But, you do know that everything won't be as they were before. A lot.. Has happened," she said, as if choosing her words carefully. Harry nodded, attempting to ignore that aching in his heart that seemed to be getting stronger with each second that passed.
" I know," he said, and she smiled. She let go of his hand, and wrapped her arms around him. Harry closed his eyes, and wrapped his arms around her as well. He smelled the scent of her hair, that seemed to make him become dizzy with thoughts about her. He hugged her tighter, feeling her warm and soft form in his embrace, getting that feeling that he never wanted to let her go again, and her soft breaths on his neck. He shut his eyes as hard as he could, he could feel the tears form behind his eyes, threatening to let out. And as they pulled back, and he smiled, he couldn't help but feel his heart break in two inside.
They were friends again, and he was glad, he was.
But she would never know, even if she tried, what he had sacrificed for her to be happy. What he had to let go for her. His feelings, his wishes.. He knew his love for her would never fade, even if he did find someone new. He would still feel those butterflies in his stomach every time she smiled at him, or that warm feeling he got when she touched his arm, or when he heard her graceful laughter, that seemed to melt everything inside him.
She couldn't possibly know.
That night, when he was sure everyone was asleep, he let those tears slip; although he knew that this only made him weaker.
When, in truth, he had always been weak. He had been weakened, by that brown haired girl that had haunted his dreams every since.
It hurt him so much knowing he could never move on, even if he tried.
'In the midst of my darkest hour
You see my tearstained face
This broken form that no longer feels power
In no apparent place
And when this world has turned
Her back on me
When its cold when it once had burned
When my thoughts are frightening.
You will never leave me.'
' Never Leave' by Kendall Payne
-------------------------------------
well.. I'm sorry to say that every story has to end.. BUT THIS IS NOT THE END YET. Although, it would've been a good ending that would make you guys mad at me.. heehee,. there will probably be two more chapters, then that's it. I'm sorry.. But if you enjoy reading my work, go read my other fanfic!! Haha. Well, I promised a good ending, and I will try my best. Poor harry.. its sweet but sad what people do for the people they love. Thanks to all the reviewers who reviewed, and please keep reviewing!! Thanks.
-tearsofher
