His Eyes : Chp 7 : Struggle

"I want you."

His eyes widened in surprise, then relaxed again. Instead of taking her seriously, he decided to avoid responding by lightening the mood.

Giving a coy smile he laughed. "You don't want what I've got. I'm used goods."

She didn't take the bait. She wasn't in a joking mood, more like gravely serious. "Don't play with me. I'm not some kid. I'm serious."

He sobered up. "So am I. You don't know who I really am, not really. How can you know what you want?" He shook his head. "Women aren't logical."

The sexist comment set her off.

"Do you want to know what's not logical? You kissing me, telling me you've thought of nothing else and then turning everything around and acting like I'm the clingy, pathetic one." She didn't wait for him to respond.

"And I not knowing you is bullshit and you know it! I've known you for over three years, Spike, THREE." She poked him hard in the chest. "You don't live with someone for so long and not know them."

Her plain spoken truth angered him. "You DON'T know me!" he stepped closer to her. "You only think you do. You know nothing! You know nothing I've done or gone through, you only think you do."

His stubborn attitude and his arrogance pissed her off more, throwing her off the edge.

"What's to know?" she got in his face. "You were in a syndicate.yeah.super secret. You were best friends with Vicious.you loved Julia.you betrayed him, she betrayed you. It's been two years and you are still walking around trying your damn hardest to ignore the blatant fact that you are chickenshit scared!!"

"Faye." Spike began his tone dead serious.

"Admit it!" she yelled, "You are scared to death to let go and actually admit that they are both dead and are never coming back!!" Her face was flushed.

"I'm tired of dancing around you when this shit is mentioned!"

"Shut up!"

Ignoring the look on his face or his threat she continued.

"The past is the past, Spike. Give it up, remember it, yes, but don't live in it!"

Spike stared hard at Faye not knowing what to say.

Fed up with everything, Faye turned to leave, but was stopped by Spike's grip on her upper arm.

"What? Leaving so soon?" His grip tightened. "You honestly think you can say all that and just walk away?"

She yanked her arm out of his grip. "Watch me!" She turned to go again. Spike grabbed her again, but by the waist this time.

"Let go!" She shoved him hard. Shocked that she pushed him, his grip loosened enough for her to get out of his grip. She tried to sprint, only succeeding in getting a few feet before Spike knocked her to the ground with his body. She groaned, her body protesting the rough treatment.

"Fuck, Spike! What are you doing?"

He turned her over. His eyes were cold. Taking her wrists, he forced her arms on either side of her body, as he maneuvered his body to where he was sitting on her thighs. She fought him, trying everything to get the upper hand.

"Shut up." He spoke coldly. Struggling did her no good, his grip was strong.

"Let me go!" His grip tightened, slightly bruising her wrists in the process.

"I said shut up!" His eyes on fire, took Faye's energy.

Struck by his tone, Faye shut up and settled back into the cold ground, no longer putting up any resistance. She knew this look and tone and the fact that he was giving them to her, scared her, rendering her silent.

He looked down at her cruelly. "You just couldn't stop, could you?" He was so angry. He was hurt. "You can't resist. Throwing it in my face makes you feel better, right? I'm not going to say anything about you. So keep insulting me. If you think you have any effect on me, you couldn't be more wrong."

Everything accumulated, bringing tears to Faye's eyes.

He was lying.

He shook her. "Stop it! You don't have the right to cry tears." Leaning down in her face he continued, "Open your eyes!" She opened them.

"What is that? Pity?" He smirked. ".Pity for yourself no doubt." He loosened his hold on her wrists. "I don't know how to deal with this anymore."

Faye's tears silently ran down the sides of her face.

"Spike." she sniffled.

He let go of her.

Pulling back, he let her up to where he almost sitting on her lap. He slid off and sat next to her with his back facing her.

She pushed her hair off of her face. She moved back until she could rest her back against the hall. She drew her knees up to her chest. The lack of warmth when Spike pulled back was excruciating.

His words did the damage he intended. Any progress they had made to forget the past vanished. It didn't stop her from regretting her words though.

"I don't understand you. I don't even want to try." Faye waited for him to continue. "It's too much trouble." He swore under his breath. "God, Faye, you drive me crazy."

Faye moved to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. She felt him tense up when she laid her cheek against his back.

Spike closed his eyes, knowing she was apologizing. Before he could think of what he was doing, he placed his left hand over her own. Faye intertwined her fingers with his. She rubbed her face against his warmth, taking in his scent.

"I really genuinely liked her, Spike."

"Who?" he asked even though he already knew.

"Julia." She could hear his heart beating in her ear. The apparent strength of it comforted her. She smiled. "She was so beautiful.more dangerous than anything else."

She felt Spike's chest rumble with light laughter. "You don't know the half."

"When I first saw her, I thought I was dreaming," he smirked at the irony. "Turns out I was."

She moved one hand up to wrap around his shoulder and squeezed him, encouraging him to continue.

"Everything was a dream..or was it? Maybe it was a nightmare."

Not knowing what to say, Faye tried to detract his thoughts. "You know when I told you what Julia had said?"

He nodded his reply.

"I fought with myself all the way back to the Bebop. All I could think was that as soon as I told you, you would run off and never come back."

His grip on her hand tightened.

"A few minutes ago I said that you were scared. I really should've been talking to myself."

How could she explain this to where it would make sense?

"Since I met you, all of you, I've changed so much that it literally frightens me." Her voice turned softer.

"When I met Julia, I was having my own little pity party - would've made you sick. I wasn't going to come back, you know. As I was talking to her a thought struck me - this woman was the perfect way to escape everything, to start over. I could forget about you by dipping my feet into new waters." Faye was silent for a moment.

"I even asked her to be my partner. I was turned down though, because she said she had things to take care of, meaning her past, I suppose. When she asked me to tell you to meet her, I was floored. She knew who I was the whole time."

She moved her arm back to its original position. "You know..it's strange how I unknowingly wanted to make a future with your past, while trying to run from my own."

She closed her eyes. "I want to know if you are still there. You told me once that the past didn't matter, because I had a future. The future is there, right ahead of you. Are you going to make it?" She got louder, "or are you going to quit?"

When Spike didn't say anything, she loosened her hold on him. Maybe he didn't care about anything she said. Maybe he didn't care for her.

Spike suddenly turned around and faced her. Before she had time to blink, he kissed her, hard. The sudden contact sparked something in them both.

Faye dug her hands in his hair, moving closer. Her heart was in her throat. She worshipped this man.

One thought filtered through Spike's mind - maybe he could love two women in his lifetime..one for his past..and another for his future.

OK..hope there aren't any typos...it's 2:30 in the morning and I wanted to get this uploaded on the site. Hope this chapter wasn't too blah..i had to do this chapter like this to help the two main characters along.more action is sure to follow this so don't worry. Review for me please..i'm a little anxious about this chapter, since I feel it was written a little bit different then all the other chapters. Arigato. Ja ne