Almost Dawn

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the ER characters, I just like to play with them!

Author's Note: Ok, I know you're probably expecting some confrontation or resolution in this chapter, but you are going to have to wait a little more. I have to get Abby back to her own apartment first. ;)



The apartment was very dark. Taking a deep breath, she stepped inside and let her eyes adjust, remaining as quiet as possible. This was a mistake. She should not have come back here; she should have braved her own home.



Now Abby would have to face Luka, and answer to questions which she did not know the answers. Sliding her bag silently from her shoulder, she sat down on the couch, waiting. The hallway and bedroom door loomed before her, appealing to some dark and terrible part of her mind in their black emptiness.



Her stomach was so tight she could barely breathe. The short breaths she did produce seemed to cut through the darkness, far too loudly.



Clearing her throat, she found the courage to call his name. "Luka?"



"Luka?" She tried again, this time louder.



After he neglected to answer her second call, she walked to the bedroom. His bed was still made, everything on his dresser looked undisturbed. Five in the morning, and he was still not home.



Abby's mind had trouble wrapping around that fact. Where would he be besides his apartment? Suddenly struck with a deep sense of loneliness, she walked to the answering machine.



The flashing "1" on the display was probably still the message he left for her in the afternoon. Pressing the play button, she waited, desperate to hear at least his voice on the machine again. That small, pleading message he left just more than twelve hours before. Instead, a female voice greeted her ears.



"Hey, it's Michelle. I just wanted you to know I will be a little bit late, something came up at work and I need to finish up. Can't wait until tonight, though! See you then."



Michelle.



The Ice Capades.



And Luka was not home.



She was surprised, angry, hurt. Wasn't this always the way - just after she finally decided to confront rather than run from her emotions, she found out he had abandoned her.



But she had no call to be jealous; it was not as though she and Luka were dating. They had just shared such a special moment, and had a history. Obviously he thought nothing of what had happened last night, if he had gone ahead with his date. But then why would he have left the message? Yet he must have gone ahead with his plans when she went missing. That showed very little concern. No, no - it was not fair for her to judge.



Her tired gears were spinning, unable to reconcile the missing Luka and the message with the tenderness she had sensed from him before. He had seemed so happy, so content with what had passed between them, how could he just walk away? She had walked away, though. Perhaps he only did after he saw her reaction.



Once again giving into the instincts that screamed for her to run from emotionally complicated situations, she gathered her bag and was out the door.



Abby could not understand the incredible sense of loss she felt - a wave far worse than that which followed their initial break up. Of course, she had plenty of time to distance herself then. She sniffed, disgusted with the memory - she had worked hard at establishing the distance for months before all of their tension boiled to the surface.

Would she ever put an end to her self-destructive course of relationships?



Where was she supposed to be now? The thought of going back to her own apartment made her shudder. She recalled too vividly the first evening she had gone back there, after stubbornly refusing Dr. Lewis' invitation to stay more than just one night.



She had been too terrified to do much of anything but jump straight into bed, and even then she lay, wide awake, too aware of every creak and moan of the building. Noises she could not identify drove her from her sheets, and forced her onto the couch, where she could more securely monitor her door, and what could be passing outside of it. Still, her eyes flew open at every muffled clatter and she spent a sleepless night.



But what choice did she have now, except to go back there? She sneered. At least Luka had been respectful enough to spend his night at the "other woman's" place, rather than bringing her back to his apartment. Even that thought cut.



Whatever perception she had subconsciously built in her mind of returning home to him had been destroyed, and she could not help but focus rather bitterly upon it.



How she would ever face him again was now a mystery. She had bought herself some time with the family emergency bit, and she could wait until she knew he was working to pick up the stuff she still had at his apartment. But at work...



Their interaction had been so fun, so easy, and so... perfect. Now it would have to suffer through another awkward and laborious stage, full of avoidance and fear.



The tears on her cheeks felt as cold as ice as she wiped them hurriedly away. A stranger looked at her twice, noting her sad countenance.



What did she care if they knew she was miserable, if they thought her pathetic for betraying such sentiment in public? But she did. Any sign of vulnerability given in front of others was one more admission she had to make about the shortcomings of her own character.



At least the wonderful Chicago public transportation system made fleeing such weakness easy to do. Well, not fleeing from weakness so much as hiding from those who had seen it. Either way, it got the job done.



Time passed far too quickly on the el, and the stop she was dreading arrived.



Before she knew it, she was climbing the stairs toward her own door. Trepidation filled her every move, slowing her muscles to a bare crawl. There was nothing for her here. There was nothing for her anywhere.



Defeated, she turned her key in the lock.



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Oh, love is real enough; you will find it someday, but it has one archenemy - and that is life.



Jean Anouilh Ardele