"Abby.."

She shifted in his arms, and checked her watch. She did not realize they had been clinging in silence for so long. Gazing up at him, she was still speechless. "I know. we should talk."

His nod was gentle. "I want things to be different this time; we need to communicate starting right now. I need to know what you really want, and I want you to promise you'll never run away from me again."

Her chin quivered. She did not know if she could do this now. Stop it! Face him, and get this over with. He needs to know. so then he can move on. That's what he said he wanted anyway.

"What I want," she murmured. "You know. what I have wanted never turns out to be the right thing for anybody," those pained eyes froze him.

"How can you know that? You've never done what you want to do. You've always been inhibited by something, and you made your decisions for everyone but yourself."

"No!" her previously timid voice abruptly became harsh and cutting. "That is not true! I make selfish, horrible decisions all the time because of what I want! Maybe you're right, and that is what ruined us, but it was me that ruined my marriage, and only me."

"What are you talking about, Abby? I met Richard. And what happened with him has nothing to do with us."

"But it does. I've kept it from you, because you will hate me. The decision that I made for me. thinking of no one else.. That's what ruined it. And it's made everything else based on a lie, even us. How can we ever have a relationship based on that?"

"What lie? Tell me, Abby.. There is nothing you could do that I could not forgive."

A bitter laugh escaped her terse lips. "You don't know that." How could he stand her after he knew what she had done? She had given up what he had lost.

"I do. You are the most important thing to me now," he reached out and touched her hair. "Nothing will jeopardize that.. I won't let anything jeopardize that. Please, at least try," he pleaded.

Her face contorted in agony as her mind swam; angry thoughts, loathsome thoughts, piteous ones - all crashed into one another. "I had an abortion," she spat it at him, incensed both at his persistence and her shame. She wanted him to judge her. She wanted him to look at her with disgust. She wanted him to stand up, and leave her in contempt. Seconds ticked by, and defiance faded from her face, leaving only vulnerability. Her eyes begged him to show hate.

But he did not give in.

"Say something," she begged.

"What?" The question was unnecessary. Though he knew it changed nothing of how he felt, he was still grasping for words and merely trying to stall.

"You heard me," her tone was dangerous.

"Tell me what happened," he finally offered, after a prolonged and difficult silence.

Her eyelids fluttered quickly, struggling against the heavy load of tears lurking behind them. "I just could not go through with it. My mother had just come down from one of her episodes, things were going so badly with Richard because of that. I couldn't bear the thought of it - if, if the baby was sick, too," her words became more choked as they progressed, and were barely audible at the end. "How. How can you love someone who would do that?"

"You need to forgive yourself. What I really think doesn't matter," he pulled her close again. It was easy; the strength was gone from her body. A great exhaustion fell over her with their exchange. "Real feelings do not change. You made a hard decision, and I do not love you any less for it." His grip tightened around her as she trembled; mild tremors intensified, and soon sobs racked her body.

"I - I - was so afraid -" she could not finish the thought.

"Don't be. Now it's going to be ok."