Chapter 12: Unrest
By: Usako-chan
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Cowboy Bebop.
She didn't know where she was running; didn't care. All she knew was that she needed to put as much distance between herself and Toshiba and Spike. Tears blinded her vision, her head clouded with vague thoughts. She was lost. She didn't know what she was feeling; didn't understand the emotions swirling inside her. She kept running despite the sudden burning in her lungs, alerting her to the fact that if she continued running at the same breakneck speed she was running, she wouldn't last much longer.
"Faye!"
Her heart jumped. She turned her head and saw that Toshiba was following her, giving her the adrenaline she needed to push herself as she ran even faster. She shook her head and clenched her teeth against the stinging in her lungs, picking up her pace. She didn't want to talk to anyone, much less him. She couldn't believe what she had heard.
He was her brother? Impossible. She wouldn't believe it. It was some kind of sick joke; it had to be.
"Faye!" Toshiba persisted, "Stop! I need to talk to you."
Her Redtail came into view and she sped toward it, unable and unwilling to hear what Toshiba was trying to tell her.
"Please!" He sounded defeated as his voice broke with emotion.
"Leave me alone!" she screamed over her shoulder. She finally reached her ship and threw open the hanger, scrambling inside. She started the ship and shut the hanger as quickly as she could. She looked up and saw Toshiba still running, almost to her.
Before he could reach her, she lifted the ship into the air, though she could still see Toshiba. He had fallen to his knees, his head in his hands, making her stomach clench in guilt.
Movement caught Faye's attention. Something made Faye's heart jump as she looked behind Toshiba. Running behind him, was Spike. As he finally caught up with Toshiba's crouched form, he came to a stop, his breathing heavy.
Their eyes locked a split second. All the emotions she was feeling seemed to be whirling behind his eyes as well. And in that instant she knew he loved her. That startling revelation only convinced her more to take off. She tore her eyes away from his before she flew off without a backward glance.
***************************************************
"Fuck!" Spike cursed for the hundredth time. "Fuck!!" he said louder than before. He punched the wall in front of him, trying to release some of the unbearable tension he was feeling inside. "Shit!" His hand started to throb, complaining of the abuse being placed on its knuckles.
Toshiba calmly watched as Spike continued to beat himself up both physically and emotionally. He couldn't believe she'd found out that way. Toshiba was no fool. He knew it was his own fault that Faye was out there somewhere alone.
They knew she didn't go back to the Bebop, because Spike had contacted Jet. Toshiba had heard Jet's raised voice, asking what Spike had done this time. The tone he had used on Spike, had made Toshiba smile, even though he wanted to do anything but. This man, Jet seemed to care about Faye's well-being. The thought gave Toshiba some comfort. Before Spike had hung up, Jet had promised to let them know if she called in and told them that Ed would try to track her.
"Spike," said Toshiba calmly, after Spike punched the wall for the fourth time. "You're getting blood on my wall."
Spike automatically stopped in the middle of a punch. When he turned around, Toshiba saw the anguish in his eyes, before he had time to disguise it. His knees seemed to give out, because the next second, he slowly sunk to the floor in a heap, his back to the wall below the blood he had left on the wall, all energy suddenly gone.
Spike's abused form and the bloody wall above him made for a heartbreaking picture, Toshiba mused. He knew Spike was troubled, but that didn't mean he wasn't. He just knew that someone needed to remain calm if they both didn't want to break down completely. He got up and went to the bathroom that was connected to the main room of the apartment. Retrieving the first aid kit, he went back to where Spike was hunched on the ground. Wordlessly, Toshiba picked up Spike's left hand and tended to it, cleaning away the blood and disinfecting the cuts. After cleaning it, he began to bandage it.
"You know," Toshiba said quietly while wrapping Spike's hand in gauze, "This seems fairly familiar to me."
He looked up at Spike and caught a faint smile at his lips. "Seems so, huh?" was Spike's reply. His voice was low with emotion.
Toshiba's mouth tipped up into a half smile. "I can't count the many times you came in beat up from some stupid thing you'd been doing for the Dragons. You and Vicious never considered a day complete if you didn't have at least one cut to be cleaned." He felt Spike stiffen a little, so he dropped the subject and finished his task in silence.
Toshiba got up after he was finished with bandaging Spike's hand. "Want some tea?" Toshiba called while he was putting up the kit.
He heard Spike mumble something related to an affirmative, so he made his way to the kitchen and prepared the kettle for boiling. He heard Spike come into the kitchen. The sound of a chair scrapping against the floor announced to him that Spike was sitting down at the table.
"Spike," he said turning around to face the younger man, "don't blame yourself for what's happening. You didn't know what my connection to her was and you certainly couldn't have known that she was right outside listening to every word that was said between us."
Spike groaned as he thought of the fact that she had heard everything. His stomach jumped thinking that she'd overheard that he was in love with her. He clenched his hand into a fist, making him wince as his knuckles objected the movement.
"You don't understand Toshiba," said Spike softly. "I don't know what to say to her when I find her." He rubbed his undamaged hand across his forehead. "I don't know how she'll react." His heart gave a painful twinge. "You don't know her like I do." He fought against the wave of tears that were threatening to overcome him. God, he loved her so much. But he couldn't deny that he felt strange knowing that she was Toshiba's sister.
She was Julia's aunt.
It blew his mind.
"I know that she loves you, Spike, and that makes all the difference" Toshiba stated in a sure tone.
Spike shook his head, unbelieving. "You don't know that. You can't know that. I don't even know that." He ran a shaky hand through his hair. "And anyway, I don't want her to love me. I don't want her to risk herself like that." He suddenly felt sick again. "How could I have let it get this far?"
"So, you blame yourself for Julia's death." They both knew it was a statement, not a question.
"You know Spike, thinking that way is an insult to my daughter's memory." Toshiba said roughly. His words brought Spike's head up. Toshiba looked him in the eyes. "If Julia hadn't wanted to be with you, then she wouldn't have come for you. She knew the risks she took. Likewise, Faye loving you doesn't mean that she'll die. You've got to stop convincing yourself that every woman you love will die because she loves you in return."
The sound of the tea kettle whistling broke off Toshiba's rant. He got up to remove the kettle from the burner.
"I'll remember that." Was the soft reply.
Toshiba didn't need to turn around to know that Spike had left.
*************************************************
She had no idea how long she had been sitting there contemplating everything that had occurred, but she knew that she felt no closer to figuring anything out than she had been hours before.
Faye had landed the Redtail on a secluded part of a manmade lake she had spotted 30 minutes outside of the city. She just couldn't stomach going back to the Bebop right now. She needed time to think; she needed time to breathe. She finally admitted to herself, that she was running away from not only her past, but from Spike.
She shook her head, trying to clear Spike from her mind. Toshiba said he was her brother. That brought the alarming and rather disturbing thought, that she was Julia's aunt. She put her hands on her head, trying to steady her suddenly erratic breathing.
Her mind was on sensory overload and she was having such a hard time sorting out what she was really feeling. Faye sighed and racked a hand through the back of her hair.
She'd never hated Julia. How could she? She had never really known her. She was jealous of her though, so jealous that she still burned with it. Julia was the one Spike loved. Yes, loved, because now that she had time to think about it, she had convinced herself that everything she thought she had seen in Spike's eyes, those few seconds they had met hers, was nothing but a mistake, a misinterpretation. He didn't love her like she loved him, he couldn't. He never could, because there was Julia. There was always Julia. Why did she make herself sick like this? Did she like making herself ill? Maybe she was being stupid, and maybe she wasn't.
She closed her eyes.
Now that she knew Toshiba was her brother and that Julia was her niece, she didn't feel more at ease. She'd dreamed that if she had relatives, she'd have a place to call home. Family was so important. Blood was thicker than water, or so they said. She'd always thought that if she had living relatives, she'd find some kind of peace. She'd never fathomed that everything would turn out like it had. Instead of peace, it was turning out to be like hell.
Then there was Spike. Her heart hurt thinking of him, thinking of the way he touched her, looked at her, simply thinking of the way he was when he was around her. Spike symbolized everything she wanted in life. He was recklessly brave, unbelievably charming and unquestionably witty. He was the kind of person that men tried so hard to be like, but always failed at becoming. He was the man every woman wanted, but could never have. She should've known she was too lucky to have him. Because just when she felt that he was in her grasp, she was losing him again. He surely wouldn't want her after he found out she was Julia's aunt. She knew that every time she would be with him in any way, he would be thinking about Julia and remembering that Julia was in her blood. She wouldn't let that happen. She couldn't.
She put her hands over her face and wept inconsolably, her shoulder's shaking with her effort.
It was over. She wasn't going back to the Bebop.
*******************************************************
A/N: I feel like I'm finally over the hump when it comes to this story. The delay in this update shouldn't happen again with the following chapters. Life took it's toll on me and has prevented me from updating until now, but I hope the wait was worth it. I appreciate every single review I get. You just don't know how much, so thank you very much to every reviewer. You are the reason I continue to write this.
- Usako-chan
By: Usako-chan
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Cowboy Bebop.
She didn't know where she was running; didn't care. All she knew was that she needed to put as much distance between herself and Toshiba and Spike. Tears blinded her vision, her head clouded with vague thoughts. She was lost. She didn't know what she was feeling; didn't understand the emotions swirling inside her. She kept running despite the sudden burning in her lungs, alerting her to the fact that if she continued running at the same breakneck speed she was running, she wouldn't last much longer.
"Faye!"
Her heart jumped. She turned her head and saw that Toshiba was following her, giving her the adrenaline she needed to push herself as she ran even faster. She shook her head and clenched her teeth against the stinging in her lungs, picking up her pace. She didn't want to talk to anyone, much less him. She couldn't believe what she had heard.
He was her brother? Impossible. She wouldn't believe it. It was some kind of sick joke; it had to be.
"Faye!" Toshiba persisted, "Stop! I need to talk to you."
Her Redtail came into view and she sped toward it, unable and unwilling to hear what Toshiba was trying to tell her.
"Please!" He sounded defeated as his voice broke with emotion.
"Leave me alone!" she screamed over her shoulder. She finally reached her ship and threw open the hanger, scrambling inside. She started the ship and shut the hanger as quickly as she could. She looked up and saw Toshiba still running, almost to her.
Before he could reach her, she lifted the ship into the air, though she could still see Toshiba. He had fallen to his knees, his head in his hands, making her stomach clench in guilt.
Movement caught Faye's attention. Something made Faye's heart jump as she looked behind Toshiba. Running behind him, was Spike. As he finally caught up with Toshiba's crouched form, he came to a stop, his breathing heavy.
Their eyes locked a split second. All the emotions she was feeling seemed to be whirling behind his eyes as well. And in that instant she knew he loved her. That startling revelation only convinced her more to take off. She tore her eyes away from his before she flew off without a backward glance.
***************************************************
"Fuck!" Spike cursed for the hundredth time. "Fuck!!" he said louder than before. He punched the wall in front of him, trying to release some of the unbearable tension he was feeling inside. "Shit!" His hand started to throb, complaining of the abuse being placed on its knuckles.
Toshiba calmly watched as Spike continued to beat himself up both physically and emotionally. He couldn't believe she'd found out that way. Toshiba was no fool. He knew it was his own fault that Faye was out there somewhere alone.
They knew she didn't go back to the Bebop, because Spike had contacted Jet. Toshiba had heard Jet's raised voice, asking what Spike had done this time. The tone he had used on Spike, had made Toshiba smile, even though he wanted to do anything but. This man, Jet seemed to care about Faye's well-being. The thought gave Toshiba some comfort. Before Spike had hung up, Jet had promised to let them know if she called in and told them that Ed would try to track her.
"Spike," said Toshiba calmly, after Spike punched the wall for the fourth time. "You're getting blood on my wall."
Spike automatically stopped in the middle of a punch. When he turned around, Toshiba saw the anguish in his eyes, before he had time to disguise it. His knees seemed to give out, because the next second, he slowly sunk to the floor in a heap, his back to the wall below the blood he had left on the wall, all energy suddenly gone.
Spike's abused form and the bloody wall above him made for a heartbreaking picture, Toshiba mused. He knew Spike was troubled, but that didn't mean he wasn't. He just knew that someone needed to remain calm if they both didn't want to break down completely. He got up and went to the bathroom that was connected to the main room of the apartment. Retrieving the first aid kit, he went back to where Spike was hunched on the ground. Wordlessly, Toshiba picked up Spike's left hand and tended to it, cleaning away the blood and disinfecting the cuts. After cleaning it, he began to bandage it.
"You know," Toshiba said quietly while wrapping Spike's hand in gauze, "This seems fairly familiar to me."
He looked up at Spike and caught a faint smile at his lips. "Seems so, huh?" was Spike's reply. His voice was low with emotion.
Toshiba's mouth tipped up into a half smile. "I can't count the many times you came in beat up from some stupid thing you'd been doing for the Dragons. You and Vicious never considered a day complete if you didn't have at least one cut to be cleaned." He felt Spike stiffen a little, so he dropped the subject and finished his task in silence.
Toshiba got up after he was finished with bandaging Spike's hand. "Want some tea?" Toshiba called while he was putting up the kit.
He heard Spike mumble something related to an affirmative, so he made his way to the kitchen and prepared the kettle for boiling. He heard Spike come into the kitchen. The sound of a chair scrapping against the floor announced to him that Spike was sitting down at the table.
"Spike," he said turning around to face the younger man, "don't blame yourself for what's happening. You didn't know what my connection to her was and you certainly couldn't have known that she was right outside listening to every word that was said between us."
Spike groaned as he thought of the fact that she had heard everything. His stomach jumped thinking that she'd overheard that he was in love with her. He clenched his hand into a fist, making him wince as his knuckles objected the movement.
"You don't understand Toshiba," said Spike softly. "I don't know what to say to her when I find her." He rubbed his undamaged hand across his forehead. "I don't know how she'll react." His heart gave a painful twinge. "You don't know her like I do." He fought against the wave of tears that were threatening to overcome him. God, he loved her so much. But he couldn't deny that he felt strange knowing that she was Toshiba's sister.
She was Julia's aunt.
It blew his mind.
"I know that she loves you, Spike, and that makes all the difference" Toshiba stated in a sure tone.
Spike shook his head, unbelieving. "You don't know that. You can't know that. I don't even know that." He ran a shaky hand through his hair. "And anyway, I don't want her to love me. I don't want her to risk herself like that." He suddenly felt sick again. "How could I have let it get this far?"
"So, you blame yourself for Julia's death." They both knew it was a statement, not a question.
"You know Spike, thinking that way is an insult to my daughter's memory." Toshiba said roughly. His words brought Spike's head up. Toshiba looked him in the eyes. "If Julia hadn't wanted to be with you, then she wouldn't have come for you. She knew the risks she took. Likewise, Faye loving you doesn't mean that she'll die. You've got to stop convincing yourself that every woman you love will die because she loves you in return."
The sound of the tea kettle whistling broke off Toshiba's rant. He got up to remove the kettle from the burner.
"I'll remember that." Was the soft reply.
Toshiba didn't need to turn around to know that Spike had left.
*************************************************
She had no idea how long she had been sitting there contemplating everything that had occurred, but she knew that she felt no closer to figuring anything out than she had been hours before.
Faye had landed the Redtail on a secluded part of a manmade lake she had spotted 30 minutes outside of the city. She just couldn't stomach going back to the Bebop right now. She needed time to think; she needed time to breathe. She finally admitted to herself, that she was running away from not only her past, but from Spike.
She shook her head, trying to clear Spike from her mind. Toshiba said he was her brother. That brought the alarming and rather disturbing thought, that she was Julia's aunt. She put her hands on her head, trying to steady her suddenly erratic breathing.
Her mind was on sensory overload and she was having such a hard time sorting out what she was really feeling. Faye sighed and racked a hand through the back of her hair.
She'd never hated Julia. How could she? She had never really known her. She was jealous of her though, so jealous that she still burned with it. Julia was the one Spike loved. Yes, loved, because now that she had time to think about it, she had convinced herself that everything she thought she had seen in Spike's eyes, those few seconds they had met hers, was nothing but a mistake, a misinterpretation. He didn't love her like she loved him, he couldn't. He never could, because there was Julia. There was always Julia. Why did she make herself sick like this? Did she like making herself ill? Maybe she was being stupid, and maybe she wasn't.
She closed her eyes.
Now that she knew Toshiba was her brother and that Julia was her niece, she didn't feel more at ease. She'd dreamed that if she had relatives, she'd have a place to call home. Family was so important. Blood was thicker than water, or so they said. She'd always thought that if she had living relatives, she'd find some kind of peace. She'd never fathomed that everything would turn out like it had. Instead of peace, it was turning out to be like hell.
Then there was Spike. Her heart hurt thinking of him, thinking of the way he touched her, looked at her, simply thinking of the way he was when he was around her. Spike symbolized everything she wanted in life. He was recklessly brave, unbelievably charming and unquestionably witty. He was the kind of person that men tried so hard to be like, but always failed at becoming. He was the man every woman wanted, but could never have. She should've known she was too lucky to have him. Because just when she felt that he was in her grasp, she was losing him again. He surely wouldn't want her after he found out she was Julia's aunt. She knew that every time she would be with him in any way, he would be thinking about Julia and remembering that Julia was in her blood. She wouldn't let that happen. She couldn't.
She put her hands over her face and wept inconsolably, her shoulder's shaking with her effort.
It was over. She wasn't going back to the Bebop.
*******************************************************
A/N: I feel like I'm finally over the hump when it comes to this story. The delay in this update shouldn't happen again with the following chapters. Life took it's toll on me and has prevented me from updating until now, but I hope the wait was worth it. I appreciate every single review I get. You just don't know how much, so thank you very much to every reviewer. You are the reason I continue to write this.
- Usako-chan
