Disclaimer- I do not own love hina, I do however own myself, dizzy, buddy and scary cat thing, but you'll find out about her later.
Chibi kitsune- Ahem, on be half of the management of the fic, I am asked to read to you the fallowing, Ahem…
Dear readers,
First off, let me thank you for reading yet another fic of mine and I would request that you all R&R when you finish, I greatly respect your advice and opinions. Any suggestions or ideas will be greatly appreciated and I'll even take flames, just as long as I get some feedback,
(Kitsune stops reading) Gah, Al your such a review whore, but just to let you all know, whoever flames gets to deal with me, and I may only be as big as your thumb, but I'm mean, allow me to continue.
Now if you haven't gone over my other fic about evil hidden wars, I'd like to tell you about a movement on adult swim's message boards.
There is currently a large thread (over 2687 posts long and growing) and we on it are dedicated to a nobel cause, to get Adult swim to put love hina on their programming block. We are strong, but we greatly need all the support we can get, so I ask you, my fellow fanfic authors, readers, and fans of anime, please join the adult swim message boards and post on our thread, we will achive our goal, adult swim knows we're there, and we are one of the longest threads on there, so please, show the love for love hina.
This desperate plee was brought to you by Althesushiloveingfanficsage
viva love hina!
Chibi Kitsune- well that was a pathtic attempt at gaining supporters al, oh well, please go and find the boards, any who asks in a review will get a direct link, and hey, maybe we'll reward those of you we see on the boards, ah well, on with the fic!
p.s, we are in no way afilliated with adultswim we're just on their messageboards, not an advertisement to get folks to join adultswim, we sware!
A Smokey fog floated over hinata, most of the inhabitants all asleep, lights out over most of the town, except for one particular bar.
In this seedy old bar, many drunks and bums littered the actual bar, and many sat playing cards or pool, but one such group stood out in this motley crew, the sat in a booth, a huge pile of food in front of them, and at the moment, one of them was slowly killing one of the others.
"GIVE ME THAT PLUM!!!!" (Kitsune throttles Al)
"AHHHHHGH!" (Al releases plum)
(Sarah leans over to whisper in Alex's ear)
"Did things just get more descriptive Mr. Fanfic author?"
"Eh heh heh, I hadn't noticed" (sweat drops as kitsune pops the plum into her mouth.)
yes, so the gang is just chatting, mutsumi passes out and to take a break from his monstrous meal, Al challenges shiri to a game of devils advocate, the pinball game, leaving sarah (eating) and haitani and kitsune chatting.
"So, ya think I have a chance with her?" (Looks at mutsumi and blushes red)
"Hmm…I think really anyone could have a chance with her, if the members of the hinata house don't try to kill you for being perverted."
"For trying to date her?"
"Hon, dating her is all you'll do, any time you try to get close or intimate, something bad will happen or naru and motoko will find you and beat the living crap out of you, keitaro and Al are living proof of this, plus, mutsumi can't keep a secret for long and soon all of them will know."
"Too bad, (jokingly) well I guess I can always date you."
"Not a chance pal, your poor collage otaku life style isn't my bag."
"Yeah, I figured I'd have no chance with you either."
(Gets anime depressed complete with black depression aura and spirals)
"aw relax pal, you'll find another girl, from what kei's told me you we're quiet the ladies man in high school, didn't I hear you got 30 chocolates one valentines day?"
"Fake, I bought those chocolates pretending it was for my sister."
"Oh, and the cake you got that one time that you were bragging about?"
"I made it, and it tasted awful."
Kitsune face faulted
"GOD WHAT IS IT WITH THESE LOSERS AND FAKEING VALENTINES DAY!?!" she wondered.
"What do you think, what do real girls look for in a guy."
"Um…elaborate, what's a "real girl?"
"Um…well…you know…not…so…so…" (Stammering from embarrassment)
"So what?"
"So mannish."
"What? Oh you mean like me, hey wait WHAT!?!"
"Well konno-chan, it's not that your mannish your just…err"
"Sexy, full bodied fun?"
"Needy."
(Laughs) "yeah I guess that's true, though I only really play along, I know that when I find my true love, he wont have to be rich to keep me by his side, just someone fun loving, manly, and reliable, kind of like…(mumbles)"
"Eh?" (Leans over with Sarah to hear what she said.)
"HEY!" (Blushes)
"Go on, who'd you say?"
"I bet I know." (Sarah does her trademark devils grin)
"Oh do you now?" (Kitsune looks angry)
"Sure, my papa!"
"KYAHHH! Who told you?!?!"
"No one, you blush every time he comes over, and don't think I don't notice what toy's you leave lying out every morning after he leaves."
"AHHH…t…toys?" (Haitani nosebleed)
"You little sneak! How do you know what toys I leave out?"
"Your TV's got a recorder so I can record all the animes that are on after bedtime, and when I come in to get them in the morning…well lets just say I've had to explain quite a few things to Su when she fallows me in."
"WHY YOU LITTLE!!!" (Lunges at Sarah)
"AHHH HELP!"
(Runs and jumps behind pool table as poor haitani, bombarded by these images passes out and slides under the table.)
"WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU YOUR BUTTS GONNA BE SOOO SORE!"
"AHH, YOU LEAVE MY BUTT ALONE YOU CRAZY LESBIAN RAPEST!"
(At this the entire bar goes silent and stares at Kitsune who blushes and slinks back to her seat.)
"Heh heh, kids and their crazy stories."
(Alex returns to the table, after creaming shiri)
"How do you do that, half the instructions are in Japanese!"
"Well my reading may not be too great, but if there's anything I understand, its video games…hey, what happened to haitani?"
"Err…nothing, nothing at all."
"Right…ok then so where we're we?"
(Shiri pushes his limp friend back into a sitting position.)
"Um…I'm not sure, what's to talk about, um…oh I know, why is naru so indecisive over keitaro?"
"Oh that's an easy one."
"Well?"
"well I've been naru's friend all my life, and I figure it's because she's always been so spacey, always dreaming about a knight in shining armor and all that, and now that she's older and um…physically mature, she realizes that in a adult relationship that dirty things might happen, I basically think she's afraid."
"Afraid?" (Shiri looks confused)
"Well that does sound about right, I've only known you guys for about a month but it fits her well enough."
"Yeah, she worries that her true love won't fit that perfect mold she had, and that if she takes a chance with someone, that she might lose the relationship she had with them in the first place."
"Oh I get it, your saying that she likes keitaro, but she doesn't want to go too fast because if she does it might ruin the friendship she has with him now."
"Indubitively!"
"Wha?"
"That means your right."
"Oh, so all we need to do is get her to realize that kei isn't gonna force her to do anything she doesn't wanna do and they'll be happily ever after."
(Smiles as if to be proud of his plan)
"Sweet, meddling is my favorite sport." (Grins a foxy grin)
"Yeah, I'm in too, and so is haitani when he wakes up."
"You really are stupid aren't you?"
(All eyes' turn to Sarah)
"Don't you all realize that you're meddling often times only makes things worse?"
"Um…" (Kitsune thinks) "Nope."
(Face fault by everyone else)
"Sarah has a point kitsune, your meddling ways usually make things worse, and why do you feel the urge to meddle eh?"
"Well until I find my true love, I'm gonna help others find there own true loves, someone in the hinata house has to get some action."
"Do you just like playing matchmaker?"
"Well…."
(The fallowing is a vision of what kitsune hears when the others are eating breakfast.)
Naru, shinobu, mutsumi and motoko- matchmaker matchmaker make me a match,
Find me a find, catch me a catch,
Bring me a man, who can make me,
The envy of all I see.
(Kitsune taking notes)
Naru and shinobu- for motoko make him a scholar,
For mutsumi make him rich as a king,
For me well I wouldn't holler,
If he were as handsome as anything!
Motoko and mutsumi- matchmaker matchmaker I'll bring the veil,
You bring the groom, slender and pale,
Night after night a great partner he'll be,
In bed pleasing me.
(Fantasy ends)
"Um that's funny but I don't remember it quite like that."
"Yeah, nether do I Al."
"I think this is what happened."
(Alex and Sarah's version)
Keitaro- I'm sorry naru, I didn't mean to really!
Alex- what happened now?
Naru- That perverted imp felt me up again!
Alex- oh so that's what that crash was earlier.
Motoko- burp! (Blushes bright red) I'm so sorry! (Runs away.)
Su- (singing) everyday I hear that song I hop outta bed,
That rice crispy cereal is singing in my head!
(Al and Sarah sing along)- Song so irresistible I wanna hear it all,
Just a splash of ice cold milk and it begins to call!
Everyone- snap crackle pop!
Su Al and sarah- that's who we are!
Everyone- Snap crackle pop!
Su Al and Sarah- but the sounds the star!
(Flashback ends)
"Wow, did you guys really sing that whole thing?"
"Yeah, it would feel stupid around other folks but these dorks make it fun."
"Well it is a good song."
"Are you sure we didn't sing matchmaker?"
"Yes."
"Wow…oh well, just because they didn't ask doesn't mean I can't try and help."
"Have you learned nothing!?!"
"Nope I guess not." (Grin and wink)
(Everyone sighs except Al who just laughs.)
"That's why I like to hang with you kitsune, your immoral and proud of it."
"Damn straight."
"So sarah, dare I ask what your little plan involving us getting out of our apartment is?" (Haitani wakes up as shiri questions.)
"Gimmi a minute, I gotta think one up."
"You mean you don't have one yet?!?" (Two frightened faces look to her)
"Look, I'll think of something I always do, now gimmi a break."
(Haitani is about to respond to Sarah but something stops him.)
The gang looks confused then fallows his gaze and see he is looking at a woman at the bar who's looking at him.
At this point everyone except haitani and shiri who are drooling at the girl hear music playing in the background from the radio behind the bar.
Rodney Carrington's I think I'm dancen with a man,
I saw her sitt'en in a barroom,
In that smoky atmosphere,
She smiled back at me, as I drank down one last beer.
(Haitani swigs down his beer as the girl walks over and takes his arm)
She pulled me on the dance floor,
We danced a song or two,
It was then I realized that I,
Had bit off more then I could chew,
(Haitani looks nervous now and not scared-around-girls-nervous)
I think I'm dance'n with a man!
She's got calluses on her hands,
She's got a voice like Johnny cash,
Is she hiding a mustache?
I think I'm dance'n with a man.
(they go sit at the bar while the gang at the table is cracking up at the mess haitani's gotten himself into, except…oddly enough, shiri.)
We sat down and talked awhile,
And we listened to the band,
(Shiri gets up and walks over to them)
And a friend of mine walked by,
And he asked her if she'd dance,
Then he gently took her hand,
And he twirled her round and round,
It looked like he was have'n fun,
Until her skirt fell to the ground.
(The gang at the table looks like their dieing their laughing so hard)
I think he's dance'n with a man!
The boys at the lodge won't understand,
As they two steeped cross the floor,
I quickly headed for the door,
I think he's dance'n with a man
GOOD LORD WE'RE DANCE'N WITH A MAN!
It'll be known throughout the land!
Two boys from hinata dance a jig,
With a dude who wore a wig,
We been dance'n with a man.
(Shiri try's to exit with haitani but this angers the girl/guy)
Haitani- she just crushed a beer can on her head…
Shiri- good lord her forehead's red!
Haitani- we been dance'n with a damn big maaaaaaaaan.
(The music stops and the boys grab Sarah and run)
"Gottagogetourstufffromourapartmentseeya!"
Kitsune wiped away a tear of mirth as the man/not man chased after them growling.
"Should we help them?" Al looks nervous and humored by the happenings.
"Oh I think they'll be ok, bertha never really hurts anyone too bad, as long as the don't touch her car…"
A roar of rage shakes the building fallowed by screams and a car burning rubber as it peels out of the bar's parking lot
"We parked right next to her car didn't we?" Alex asked in a flat voice.
"Yep, those guys better be quick or they'll be in intensive care for awhile."
"Barkeep?" mutsumi raised her hand and the waiter came over.
"I'd like the most expensive booze you have please."
As the waiter walks away kitsune and Al look horrified.
"Mutsumi! Just because I might be able to finish this mountain of lo main and Californian rolls and win us a free meal doesn't mean to go nuts!" Alex glared at the turtle lady.
"Oh my, it's alright Al-Chan, haitani and shiri left their wallets."
Kitsune and Alex exchanged a look and grinned.
"Waiter, make that four of your strongest, and the most caffinated soda you have!"
(Outside on the highway)
Sarah- um haitani, are you sure you should be driving, you have had a lot to drink after all.
Haitani- I'm fine (hiccup) it's the damn road thatshh moving.
Shiri-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Sarah- Haitani! There's a police car right behind us, he wants you to pull over!
Haitani- you sure?
Sarah- yeah!
Haitani- How sure?
Sarah- pretty sure!
Haitani- Really pretty sure or just kinda pretty sure?
Sarah- PULL OVER NOW YOU IDIOT BEFORE HE THINKS YOUR TRYING TO RUN FOR IT!!!!
Haitani- oh all right.
(Car veers off to the side of the road and the cop gets out and walks up to the window)
Haitani- lo osifer.
Police person jimbo- sir is you drunk?
Haitani- hell yeah, (laughing) thank god you showed up, I coulda killed somebody.
Sarah- (sweatdrop) you know you're drunk when you're pulled over and you're laughing.
PPJ- (shines flashlight on Sarah) who are you?
Sarah- hi, I'm the daughter of their friend and they were giving me a ride to their apartment so I could get something I left there but I guess no one realized how smashed they were.
PPJ- hmm, ok, sir (back to haitani) could you step out of the car?
Haitani- I can't you get in. (tries to pull the cop in through the window.)
Sarah- Haitani no!
(Back at the bar twenty minutes later)
"Exactly how far away from the bar do haitani and Shiri live?" Alex looks over to Kitsune with a nervous look.
"Not too far, why, you worried?"
"A little, I mean, if you think about it, Haitani has been drinking quite a lot tonight, and now he's driving?"
"Oh my, I see what you mean Al-Chan; we might need to go look for them."
"Hmm, lets give'm another twenty, and then Al can go look for them on the vespa and mutsumi and I can wait here for you."
"Ok, so umm…what do ya wanna talk about?" Alex asked as he sipped his sparkling lime sherbert soda.
"Oh pick me pick me!" Mutsumi had raised her hand.
"Ok, Mutsumi, what would you like to talk about?" Kitsune asked.
"How about what's going on with Al-Chan and shinobu?"
Al coughs and sputters on his soda.
"Ooooo, that's a good one, ok fess up Alex, what's you relationship with shinobu?"
"Um err I, I just like her as a friend for now and I uh…" (He laughs nervously and blushes beet red)
"Oh yeah, "just friends?" would her diary say otherwise?" Kitsune grins her foxy grin.
"Um yeah sure…why not, eh heh!"
"Oh my, well why don't we look then?" Mutsumi smiled that spacey smile of hers.
"Well we don't have it…right?" Alex looked up, worried.
The girls snickered and giggled.
"Right?" Alex looks terrified and his voice rises a few desables.
Kitsune holds up a diary entitled "Shinobu's picture diary."
"Eep!" Alex eeped at realizing that he was soon to get in so much trouble.
"Let's see now, what day was it that you saved her again?"
"Really, I would do it for anyone, I think the only reason I lived when they shot me up, is Su's booth did something, that's all…I."
"Quit trying to avoid the question Al-Chan."
"Ahah! Found it…eh?"
Kitsune reached into her pocket and withdrew her cell phone, vibrating madly…the phone, not kitsune.
"Hello, WHAT!" Kitsune's shocked voice echoed throughout the bar.
________________________________________________________________________
(At the station)
Sarah- yeah, you heard me, we're in the slammer, Haitani tried to molest a police officer and now we need you to come bail us out!
Kitsune- Alright, just sit tight, um… how much is bail?
Sarah- The officer was pretty ticked; it's set at 60,000 yen for the lot of us, though you can get me out for only 10,000.
Kitsune- Why do we even need to pay to get you out, you're a minor!
Sarah- well the chief recognized my voice from last month when Su and I Toilet papered his house on Halloween.
Kitsune- We doesn't have that kind of money!
Sarah- I know, I'm sorry but there's nothing I can do, hurry up, it's karaoke night in the cafeteria and the singing isn't as bad as the child molesters that keep staring at me from acrossed the room, I'm scared, the guards aren't interested in keeping us safe once we're here. Please get over here, the singing is terrible!
Kitsune- (serious for a change) ok Sarah, calm down, we'll be there soon, I'll get you out.
Sarah- Please hurry.
Kitsune- I will, bye. (Kitsune hangs up and explains the situation to Mutsumi and Alex)
"We gotta hurry, Sarah was trying to hide it but she's scared, I could hear it in her voice, we need to go."
"Alright, but we need money, and fast, now we've spent all of ours, where can we get more?"
"Um…I have another idea." Mutsumi raises her hand again.
"Three ideas in one night, you're on a roll babe." Kitsune winks but it lacks the cheerful look it usually does.
"Kitsune, how many of the people in this bar are your friends?"
"Hmm…a good portion of the guys will buy me a drink, but no way can we get 60,000 yen from them."
"Oh that wasn't my plan, I just wanted to know, and many of them are staring at your chest."
"ERRG!" Kitsune glares at the men, scareing them uh… witless, and glares at Mutsumi.
"WHAT IS YOUR PLAN!?!"
"Ahh, feeling faint."
"No, no Mutsumi, don't pass out, she's sorry, just tell us the plan!"
"Ok, whisper whisper whisper" (Mutsumi whisper in the ears of Kitsune and Al for a moment.
"That's so crazy it just might work." Alex said with a grin.
Kitsune nodded, "Ok, I know for a fact that if anyplace in this bar has up to 60,000 yen, it'll be there, so how do we create a distraction?"
"Ara ara, Leave that to me, just get ready."
After a short conversation with the bartender, Mutsumi gets up on the stage, usually reserved for Karaoke, and smiles at the crowd.
"Excuse me, I'd like to sing you a short little ditty, because I need some money to buy more drinks, so please enjoy."
Dixie chicks, long time gone.
Mutsumi- (produces a guitar from somewhere and begins to play it.
Daddy sit's on the front porch swinging, looken out a vacant field,
Used to be filled with burly tobbaca now he knows it never will,
My brother found work in Indiana, my sister is worken at the old folks home,
Momma's still cooking too much for supper and me I been a long time gone,
long time gone!
No I ain't held a hoe since I don't know when
Long time gone
and it ain't coming back again.
(While Mutsumi continues to sing at an audience that is more interested in her curves then her crooning, Al and Kitsune successfully jimmy open the "Devil's Advocate" pinball machine and discover that the barkeep really never did empty out the contents)
(On the road)
"Hurry Alex, we're taking too long getting there."
"You really are worried aren't you; I've never seen you so nervous for another person's well being before."
"I told you, I can be sensitive and serious when I need to, and I'm scared, those prisons are full of murderers and rapist who haven't seen a woman in years, what if we get there and it's too late for them?" Kitsune is now flat out terrified of what she may find.
"Calm down, Sarah can take care of herself, she's proven that she's strong enough to hold her ground, and the boy's will stick with her." I hope, Al added silently.
"Ok, but hurry!" Kitsune held his midsection tighter as the vespa gained speed and became too loud to here from either of them.
a/n- ooo, tense, now for those of you thinking I wouldn't do something like that to sarah or haitani or shiri, I will. I've been writing fanfics for awhile, and when I helped my friend who was obsessed with back street boys at the time, write fanfic's for them, we did horrible things to them, and we liked them in these fics, if it'll be a good angst fic later I'll do it, don't tempt me!
Sarah, haitani and Shiri- Gulp!
Sarah- y…your just blowing steam right?
Alex- nope, just ask howie formally from the back street boys, we mangled his little taco bell dog and hung him from a swinging ceiling fan once.
Sarah- eew, don't do it, you'll have to upgrade the fic to an R fic.
Alex- so?
Haitani and shiri cover their butts and look really pale and frightened.
Chibi kitsune- you really won't, i know you.
Al- oh ho! a challenge?
chibi kitsune, yeah, i dare ya!
Haitani, shiri, and sarah- SHUT UP YOU!
Chibi kitsune- Ahem, on be half of the management of the fic, I am asked to read to you the fallowing, Ahem…
Dear readers,
First off, let me thank you for reading yet another fic of mine and I would request that you all R&R when you finish, I greatly respect your advice and opinions. Any suggestions or ideas will be greatly appreciated and I'll even take flames, just as long as I get some feedback,
(Kitsune stops reading) Gah, Al your such a review whore, but just to let you all know, whoever flames gets to deal with me, and I may only be as big as your thumb, but I'm mean, allow me to continue.
Now if you haven't gone over my other fic about evil hidden wars, I'd like to tell you about a movement on adult swim's message boards.
There is currently a large thread (over 2687 posts long and growing) and we on it are dedicated to a nobel cause, to get Adult swim to put love hina on their programming block. We are strong, but we greatly need all the support we can get, so I ask you, my fellow fanfic authors, readers, and fans of anime, please join the adult swim message boards and post on our thread, we will achive our goal, adult swim knows we're there, and we are one of the longest threads on there, so please, show the love for love hina.
This desperate plee was brought to you by Althesushiloveingfanficsage
viva love hina!
Chibi Kitsune- well that was a pathtic attempt at gaining supporters al, oh well, please go and find the boards, any who asks in a review will get a direct link, and hey, maybe we'll reward those of you we see on the boards, ah well, on with the fic!
p.s, we are in no way afilliated with adultswim we're just on their messageboards, not an advertisement to get folks to join adultswim, we sware!
A Smokey fog floated over hinata, most of the inhabitants all asleep, lights out over most of the town, except for one particular bar.
In this seedy old bar, many drunks and bums littered the actual bar, and many sat playing cards or pool, but one such group stood out in this motley crew, the sat in a booth, a huge pile of food in front of them, and at the moment, one of them was slowly killing one of the others.
"GIVE ME THAT PLUM!!!!" (Kitsune throttles Al)
"AHHHHHGH!" (Al releases plum)
(Sarah leans over to whisper in Alex's ear)
"Did things just get more descriptive Mr. Fanfic author?"
"Eh heh heh, I hadn't noticed" (sweat drops as kitsune pops the plum into her mouth.)
yes, so the gang is just chatting, mutsumi passes out and to take a break from his monstrous meal, Al challenges shiri to a game of devils advocate, the pinball game, leaving sarah (eating) and haitani and kitsune chatting.
"So, ya think I have a chance with her?" (Looks at mutsumi and blushes red)
"Hmm…I think really anyone could have a chance with her, if the members of the hinata house don't try to kill you for being perverted."
"For trying to date her?"
"Hon, dating her is all you'll do, any time you try to get close or intimate, something bad will happen or naru and motoko will find you and beat the living crap out of you, keitaro and Al are living proof of this, plus, mutsumi can't keep a secret for long and soon all of them will know."
"Too bad, (jokingly) well I guess I can always date you."
"Not a chance pal, your poor collage otaku life style isn't my bag."
"Yeah, I figured I'd have no chance with you either."
(Gets anime depressed complete with black depression aura and spirals)
"aw relax pal, you'll find another girl, from what kei's told me you we're quiet the ladies man in high school, didn't I hear you got 30 chocolates one valentines day?"
"Fake, I bought those chocolates pretending it was for my sister."
"Oh, and the cake you got that one time that you were bragging about?"
"I made it, and it tasted awful."
Kitsune face faulted
"GOD WHAT IS IT WITH THESE LOSERS AND FAKEING VALENTINES DAY!?!" she wondered.
"What do you think, what do real girls look for in a guy."
"Um…elaborate, what's a "real girl?"
"Um…well…you know…not…so…so…" (Stammering from embarrassment)
"So what?"
"So mannish."
"What? Oh you mean like me, hey wait WHAT!?!"
"Well konno-chan, it's not that your mannish your just…err"
"Sexy, full bodied fun?"
"Needy."
(Laughs) "yeah I guess that's true, though I only really play along, I know that when I find my true love, he wont have to be rich to keep me by his side, just someone fun loving, manly, and reliable, kind of like…(mumbles)"
"Eh?" (Leans over with Sarah to hear what she said.)
"HEY!" (Blushes)
"Go on, who'd you say?"
"I bet I know." (Sarah does her trademark devils grin)
"Oh do you now?" (Kitsune looks angry)
"Sure, my papa!"
"KYAHHH! Who told you?!?!"
"No one, you blush every time he comes over, and don't think I don't notice what toy's you leave lying out every morning after he leaves."
"AHHH…t…toys?" (Haitani nosebleed)
"You little sneak! How do you know what toys I leave out?"
"Your TV's got a recorder so I can record all the animes that are on after bedtime, and when I come in to get them in the morning…well lets just say I've had to explain quite a few things to Su when she fallows me in."
"WHY YOU LITTLE!!!" (Lunges at Sarah)
"AHHH HELP!"
(Runs and jumps behind pool table as poor haitani, bombarded by these images passes out and slides under the table.)
"WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU YOUR BUTTS GONNA BE SOOO SORE!"
"AHH, YOU LEAVE MY BUTT ALONE YOU CRAZY LESBIAN RAPEST!"
(At this the entire bar goes silent and stares at Kitsune who blushes and slinks back to her seat.)
"Heh heh, kids and their crazy stories."
(Alex returns to the table, after creaming shiri)
"How do you do that, half the instructions are in Japanese!"
"Well my reading may not be too great, but if there's anything I understand, its video games…hey, what happened to haitani?"
"Err…nothing, nothing at all."
"Right…ok then so where we're we?"
(Shiri pushes his limp friend back into a sitting position.)
"Um…I'm not sure, what's to talk about, um…oh I know, why is naru so indecisive over keitaro?"
"Oh that's an easy one."
"Well?"
"well I've been naru's friend all my life, and I figure it's because she's always been so spacey, always dreaming about a knight in shining armor and all that, and now that she's older and um…physically mature, she realizes that in a adult relationship that dirty things might happen, I basically think she's afraid."
"Afraid?" (Shiri looks confused)
"Well that does sound about right, I've only known you guys for about a month but it fits her well enough."
"Yeah, she worries that her true love won't fit that perfect mold she had, and that if she takes a chance with someone, that she might lose the relationship she had with them in the first place."
"Oh I get it, your saying that she likes keitaro, but she doesn't want to go too fast because if she does it might ruin the friendship she has with him now."
"Indubitively!"
"Wha?"
"That means your right."
"Oh, so all we need to do is get her to realize that kei isn't gonna force her to do anything she doesn't wanna do and they'll be happily ever after."
(Smiles as if to be proud of his plan)
"Sweet, meddling is my favorite sport." (Grins a foxy grin)
"Yeah, I'm in too, and so is haitani when he wakes up."
"You really are stupid aren't you?"
(All eyes' turn to Sarah)
"Don't you all realize that you're meddling often times only makes things worse?"
"Um…" (Kitsune thinks) "Nope."
(Face fault by everyone else)
"Sarah has a point kitsune, your meddling ways usually make things worse, and why do you feel the urge to meddle eh?"
"Well until I find my true love, I'm gonna help others find there own true loves, someone in the hinata house has to get some action."
"Do you just like playing matchmaker?"
"Well…."
(The fallowing is a vision of what kitsune hears when the others are eating breakfast.)
Naru, shinobu, mutsumi and motoko- matchmaker matchmaker make me a match,
Find me a find, catch me a catch,
Bring me a man, who can make me,
The envy of all I see.
(Kitsune taking notes)
Naru and shinobu- for motoko make him a scholar,
For mutsumi make him rich as a king,
For me well I wouldn't holler,
If he were as handsome as anything!
Motoko and mutsumi- matchmaker matchmaker I'll bring the veil,
You bring the groom, slender and pale,
Night after night a great partner he'll be,
In bed pleasing me.
(Fantasy ends)
"Um that's funny but I don't remember it quite like that."
"Yeah, nether do I Al."
"I think this is what happened."
(Alex and Sarah's version)
Keitaro- I'm sorry naru, I didn't mean to really!
Alex- what happened now?
Naru- That perverted imp felt me up again!
Alex- oh so that's what that crash was earlier.
Motoko- burp! (Blushes bright red) I'm so sorry! (Runs away.)
Su- (singing) everyday I hear that song I hop outta bed,
That rice crispy cereal is singing in my head!
(Al and Sarah sing along)- Song so irresistible I wanna hear it all,
Just a splash of ice cold milk and it begins to call!
Everyone- snap crackle pop!
Su Al and sarah- that's who we are!
Everyone- Snap crackle pop!
Su Al and Sarah- but the sounds the star!
(Flashback ends)
"Wow, did you guys really sing that whole thing?"
"Yeah, it would feel stupid around other folks but these dorks make it fun."
"Well it is a good song."
"Are you sure we didn't sing matchmaker?"
"Yes."
"Wow…oh well, just because they didn't ask doesn't mean I can't try and help."
"Have you learned nothing!?!"
"Nope I guess not." (Grin and wink)
(Everyone sighs except Al who just laughs.)
"That's why I like to hang with you kitsune, your immoral and proud of it."
"Damn straight."
"So sarah, dare I ask what your little plan involving us getting out of our apartment is?" (Haitani wakes up as shiri questions.)
"Gimmi a minute, I gotta think one up."
"You mean you don't have one yet?!?" (Two frightened faces look to her)
"Look, I'll think of something I always do, now gimmi a break."
(Haitani is about to respond to Sarah but something stops him.)
The gang looks confused then fallows his gaze and see he is looking at a woman at the bar who's looking at him.
At this point everyone except haitani and shiri who are drooling at the girl hear music playing in the background from the radio behind the bar.
Rodney Carrington's I think I'm dancen with a man,
I saw her sitt'en in a barroom,
In that smoky atmosphere,
She smiled back at me, as I drank down one last beer.
(Haitani swigs down his beer as the girl walks over and takes his arm)
She pulled me on the dance floor,
We danced a song or two,
It was then I realized that I,
Had bit off more then I could chew,
(Haitani looks nervous now and not scared-around-girls-nervous)
I think I'm dance'n with a man!
She's got calluses on her hands,
She's got a voice like Johnny cash,
Is she hiding a mustache?
I think I'm dance'n with a man.
(they go sit at the bar while the gang at the table is cracking up at the mess haitani's gotten himself into, except…oddly enough, shiri.)
We sat down and talked awhile,
And we listened to the band,
(Shiri gets up and walks over to them)
And a friend of mine walked by,
And he asked her if she'd dance,
Then he gently took her hand,
And he twirled her round and round,
It looked like he was have'n fun,
Until her skirt fell to the ground.
(The gang at the table looks like their dieing their laughing so hard)
I think he's dance'n with a man!
The boys at the lodge won't understand,
As they two steeped cross the floor,
I quickly headed for the door,
I think he's dance'n with a man
GOOD LORD WE'RE DANCE'N WITH A MAN!
It'll be known throughout the land!
Two boys from hinata dance a jig,
With a dude who wore a wig,
We been dance'n with a man.
(Shiri try's to exit with haitani but this angers the girl/guy)
Haitani- she just crushed a beer can on her head…
Shiri- good lord her forehead's red!
Haitani- we been dance'n with a damn big maaaaaaaaan.
(The music stops and the boys grab Sarah and run)
"Gottagogetourstufffromourapartmentseeya!"
Kitsune wiped away a tear of mirth as the man/not man chased after them growling.
"Should we help them?" Al looks nervous and humored by the happenings.
"Oh I think they'll be ok, bertha never really hurts anyone too bad, as long as the don't touch her car…"
A roar of rage shakes the building fallowed by screams and a car burning rubber as it peels out of the bar's parking lot
"We parked right next to her car didn't we?" Alex asked in a flat voice.
"Yep, those guys better be quick or they'll be in intensive care for awhile."
"Barkeep?" mutsumi raised her hand and the waiter came over.
"I'd like the most expensive booze you have please."
As the waiter walks away kitsune and Al look horrified.
"Mutsumi! Just because I might be able to finish this mountain of lo main and Californian rolls and win us a free meal doesn't mean to go nuts!" Alex glared at the turtle lady.
"Oh my, it's alright Al-Chan, haitani and shiri left their wallets."
Kitsune and Alex exchanged a look and grinned.
"Waiter, make that four of your strongest, and the most caffinated soda you have!"
(Outside on the highway)
Sarah- um haitani, are you sure you should be driving, you have had a lot to drink after all.
Haitani- I'm fine (hiccup) it's the damn road thatshh moving.
Shiri-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Sarah- Haitani! There's a police car right behind us, he wants you to pull over!
Haitani- you sure?
Sarah- yeah!
Haitani- How sure?
Sarah- pretty sure!
Haitani- Really pretty sure or just kinda pretty sure?
Sarah- PULL OVER NOW YOU IDIOT BEFORE HE THINKS YOUR TRYING TO RUN FOR IT!!!!
Haitani- oh all right.
(Car veers off to the side of the road and the cop gets out and walks up to the window)
Haitani- lo osifer.
Police person jimbo- sir is you drunk?
Haitani- hell yeah, (laughing) thank god you showed up, I coulda killed somebody.
Sarah- (sweatdrop) you know you're drunk when you're pulled over and you're laughing.
PPJ- (shines flashlight on Sarah) who are you?
Sarah- hi, I'm the daughter of their friend and they were giving me a ride to their apartment so I could get something I left there but I guess no one realized how smashed they were.
PPJ- hmm, ok, sir (back to haitani) could you step out of the car?
Haitani- I can't you get in. (tries to pull the cop in through the window.)
Sarah- Haitani no!
(Back at the bar twenty minutes later)
"Exactly how far away from the bar do haitani and Shiri live?" Alex looks over to Kitsune with a nervous look.
"Not too far, why, you worried?"
"A little, I mean, if you think about it, Haitani has been drinking quite a lot tonight, and now he's driving?"
"Oh my, I see what you mean Al-Chan; we might need to go look for them."
"Hmm, lets give'm another twenty, and then Al can go look for them on the vespa and mutsumi and I can wait here for you."
"Ok, so umm…what do ya wanna talk about?" Alex asked as he sipped his sparkling lime sherbert soda.
"Oh pick me pick me!" Mutsumi had raised her hand.
"Ok, Mutsumi, what would you like to talk about?" Kitsune asked.
"How about what's going on with Al-Chan and shinobu?"
Al coughs and sputters on his soda.
"Ooooo, that's a good one, ok fess up Alex, what's you relationship with shinobu?"
"Um err I, I just like her as a friend for now and I uh…" (He laughs nervously and blushes beet red)
"Oh yeah, "just friends?" would her diary say otherwise?" Kitsune grins her foxy grin.
"Um yeah sure…why not, eh heh!"
"Oh my, well why don't we look then?" Mutsumi smiled that spacey smile of hers.
"Well we don't have it…right?" Alex looked up, worried.
The girls snickered and giggled.
"Right?" Alex looks terrified and his voice rises a few desables.
Kitsune holds up a diary entitled "Shinobu's picture diary."
"Eep!" Alex eeped at realizing that he was soon to get in so much trouble.
"Let's see now, what day was it that you saved her again?"
"Really, I would do it for anyone, I think the only reason I lived when they shot me up, is Su's booth did something, that's all…I."
"Quit trying to avoid the question Al-Chan."
"Ahah! Found it…eh?"
Kitsune reached into her pocket and withdrew her cell phone, vibrating madly…the phone, not kitsune.
"Hello, WHAT!" Kitsune's shocked voice echoed throughout the bar.
________________________________________________________________________
(At the station)
Sarah- yeah, you heard me, we're in the slammer, Haitani tried to molest a police officer and now we need you to come bail us out!
Kitsune- Alright, just sit tight, um… how much is bail?
Sarah- The officer was pretty ticked; it's set at 60,000 yen for the lot of us, though you can get me out for only 10,000.
Kitsune- Why do we even need to pay to get you out, you're a minor!
Sarah- well the chief recognized my voice from last month when Su and I Toilet papered his house on Halloween.
Kitsune- We doesn't have that kind of money!
Sarah- I know, I'm sorry but there's nothing I can do, hurry up, it's karaoke night in the cafeteria and the singing isn't as bad as the child molesters that keep staring at me from acrossed the room, I'm scared, the guards aren't interested in keeping us safe once we're here. Please get over here, the singing is terrible!
Kitsune- (serious for a change) ok Sarah, calm down, we'll be there soon, I'll get you out.
Sarah- Please hurry.
Kitsune- I will, bye. (Kitsune hangs up and explains the situation to Mutsumi and Alex)
"We gotta hurry, Sarah was trying to hide it but she's scared, I could hear it in her voice, we need to go."
"Alright, but we need money, and fast, now we've spent all of ours, where can we get more?"
"Um…I have another idea." Mutsumi raises her hand again.
"Three ideas in one night, you're on a roll babe." Kitsune winks but it lacks the cheerful look it usually does.
"Kitsune, how many of the people in this bar are your friends?"
"Hmm…a good portion of the guys will buy me a drink, but no way can we get 60,000 yen from them."
"Oh that wasn't my plan, I just wanted to know, and many of them are staring at your chest."
"ERRG!" Kitsune glares at the men, scareing them uh… witless, and glares at Mutsumi.
"WHAT IS YOUR PLAN!?!"
"Ahh, feeling faint."
"No, no Mutsumi, don't pass out, she's sorry, just tell us the plan!"
"Ok, whisper whisper whisper" (Mutsumi whisper in the ears of Kitsune and Al for a moment.
"That's so crazy it just might work." Alex said with a grin.
Kitsune nodded, "Ok, I know for a fact that if anyplace in this bar has up to 60,000 yen, it'll be there, so how do we create a distraction?"
"Ara ara, Leave that to me, just get ready."
After a short conversation with the bartender, Mutsumi gets up on the stage, usually reserved for Karaoke, and smiles at the crowd.
"Excuse me, I'd like to sing you a short little ditty, because I need some money to buy more drinks, so please enjoy."
Dixie chicks, long time gone.
Mutsumi- (produces a guitar from somewhere and begins to play it.
Daddy sit's on the front porch swinging, looken out a vacant field,
Used to be filled with burly tobbaca now he knows it never will,
My brother found work in Indiana, my sister is worken at the old folks home,
Momma's still cooking too much for supper and me I been a long time gone,
long time gone!
No I ain't held a hoe since I don't know when
Long time gone
and it ain't coming back again.
(While Mutsumi continues to sing at an audience that is more interested in her curves then her crooning, Al and Kitsune successfully jimmy open the "Devil's Advocate" pinball machine and discover that the barkeep really never did empty out the contents)
(On the road)
"Hurry Alex, we're taking too long getting there."
"You really are worried aren't you; I've never seen you so nervous for another person's well being before."
"I told you, I can be sensitive and serious when I need to, and I'm scared, those prisons are full of murderers and rapist who haven't seen a woman in years, what if we get there and it's too late for them?" Kitsune is now flat out terrified of what she may find.
"Calm down, Sarah can take care of herself, she's proven that she's strong enough to hold her ground, and the boy's will stick with her." I hope, Al added silently.
"Ok, but hurry!" Kitsune held his midsection tighter as the vespa gained speed and became too loud to here from either of them.
a/n- ooo, tense, now for those of you thinking I wouldn't do something like that to sarah or haitani or shiri, I will. I've been writing fanfics for awhile, and when I helped my friend who was obsessed with back street boys at the time, write fanfic's for them, we did horrible things to them, and we liked them in these fics, if it'll be a good angst fic later I'll do it, don't tempt me!
Sarah, haitani and Shiri- Gulp!
Sarah- y…your just blowing steam right?
Alex- nope, just ask howie formally from the back street boys, we mangled his little taco bell dog and hung him from a swinging ceiling fan once.
Sarah- eew, don't do it, you'll have to upgrade the fic to an R fic.
Alex- so?
Haitani and shiri cover their butts and look really pale and frightened.
Chibi kitsune- you really won't, i know you.
Al- oh ho! a challenge?
chibi kitsune, yeah, i dare ya!
Haitani, shiri, and sarah- SHUT UP YOU!
