A/N Hello. This is my first songfic! Hooray! It's based around Kelly Clarkson's Just Missed the Train. For all of you screaming and about to hit the back button to escape the evil pop conformity, please wait [lame way to end a sentence, hu?]. I will admit I have several times belittled Kelly Clarkson before hearing her CD, which is nowhere as bad as I thought it would be. I couldn't help it, I fell in love with this song, and a story played in my head while listening to it. This story can end at this chapter all sad or I could continue it on, it all depends on you. Oh, and make sure you actually read the song lyrics, they pretty much carry the story. Enjoy:
Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Inuyasha nor do I own any song or any multi-million albums. Santa said not till next year.
Words like this = song lyrics or words in a letter
…… = scene change
**** = flashback
"…" = speaking
Sacrifice
By Pale Moonlight
Woah, baby,
The time has come,
To make a little bit more, ooh.
A watch softly beeped as it reached 1:30 am, quickly arousing a member of a single bed awake. She didn't yawn, nor even move, she merely lay in her lover's arms. The girl, known as Kagome, looked back. There was Inuyasha, still sleeping.
I've hung around here,
It's getting tough,
Think I'm going break down soon.
Kagome cautiously wiggled out of Inuyasha's arms, stopping at every breath and slight movement. His arms were an obstacle, yet it was overcome with gradual maneuvering. Once at the side of the bed, she looked back. God, he was beautiful as he slept. She somehow forced her head forward as she placed he feet on the ground.
Good, there was no noise, only one unheard creak as Kagome stood. She nearly hoped from place to place as she moved across the strongest points of the floor, the ones that would never squeak under her weight. The dresser loomed before her. Well, there was no going back now.
The middle drawer on the top shelf of the dresser, the one Inuyasha never used, slowly opened. Out came a black jacket, skirt, and boots that replaced Kagome's white silken nightgown. Next came a large traveling bag that must have held its breath so it could squeeze into the drawer. With trembling hands, Kagome pulled out a small, crudely folded white note. This she opened, and reread for the last time.
Inuyasha,
By the time your eyes have read this sentence, I will be gone on the first train away from here. Please don't follow me, it would only shorten your ever-closing opportunity. Kikyo has returned and she longs to be with you, I know it, and so do you. You long to be with her, I would only tear your heart between your true love and your pledge to never hurt me. You've tried to see her, but nothing can be done as long as I'm here. Please forget your promise, I already have. Go to Kikyo and be happy, as I will try to go where I may. This is in no way a break-up, merely the transfer of your heart to the more deserving. I will always love you, so I must let you go. Be joyful,
Kagome
A tear slid down her check, and spotted the letter as Kagome refolded it and wrote Inuyasha's name upon it. She only had to place it somewhere where he'd find it, and then she could leave. The table by the bed seemed the best place, and Kagome once more hoped about the floor to get there. As she placed it down, Inuyasha turned to her. Kagome dare not breathe, if he woke everything would be destroyed. But he only reached out his arm as if he knew what was taking place before him, and uttered one word, "Koga." And as hard as she tried to lock her memories back into her brain, Kagome was forced back to their meeting.
Well I remember
Crying in the park,
It was getting dark,
********************************************
Koga. The word rolled off Kagome's tongue for the final time. His stench still circled her, his being seemed to be able to follow and further torture its victims. He, he was a bastard. How could he, oh, Kagome couldn't even think about it. Koga, he'd used all the trust and compassion she'd built for him on the foundation of five months. Then he'd gone out and wasted it in a span of three minutes. Somehow, he should be feeling the fire destroy him instead of Kagome. Oh, damn she'd even be giving eyes to see his luring eyes, to follow him down to…
At the first bench she came to, Kagome collapsed. She couldn't believe her stupidity; she couldn't believe what she'd done is his own freakin' name. If only the darkness could envelop her, if only she could just die here on this park bench. If only the nails were lose enough to do so…
" Hey," uttered a faraway voice in the mist of the darkness.
Suddenly I looked up and you were my sky,
Piercing amber met watery brown. The elements of the universe stopped, and beheld the wonder of the meeting of two eyes.
" You want to leave this place?" asked Inuyasha, maintaining the same angelic force as before.
" Yeah," Kagome heard herself croak as Inuyasha's hands held hers and carried her home.
********************************************
So go on, and sleep
Darling
Kagome dropped the note on the table, turning away to not meet Inuyasha's still sleeping gaze.
Why don't you pretend we were just a dream?
He moaned in his sleep, and Kagome felt her heart break as she still forced herself to not look back.
It's cool, baby
Doesn't matter anyway.
Her struggle broke and Kagome's head turned. Inuyasha still lay sleeping, he still had his arm reaching out, still mumbling word after unrecognizable word out for Kagome. She took one step closer.
I'm so sorry,
Some unknown force pushed her another step closer, right at the bedside.
Got to the station a little to late,
His gentle breathing brought her down, down upon her knees by the bedside. His lips still moved slightly, yet no noise escaped them. He could somehow lay oblivious to all Kagome's careful planning, and scheming, and hours of pain, yet still be able to change her mind without doing a single thing.
Such a shame,
" I love you," Kagome whispered into the ground.
Just missed the train.
She looked upon his sleeping form for the last time.
Just missed the, train…
Her lips found his, her brain pushed her forward without even giving her the time to consult the utter stupidity of what she was doing. Two fresh, salty tears ran down Inuyasha's face, more dripped down ever second Kagome stayed connected with him. She rose her head, there lay the man she loved, covered with her tears, sleeping in some calm, peaceful dream, and here she kneeled, before him.
Be quiet angel,
The door closed behind Kagome, the worst seemed over. Every step towards the stairway seemed heavier.
Don't make a sound
Kagome ran her hands along the railing, trying to memorize every groove, every cut, every nail mark.
Save it for a rainy day.
A tear hit the carpet of the stairs. This was her home, why did she want to leave it? Kagome would damn Inuyasha's stupid love, but it seemed the only thing left inside her.
Her hand reached the engraving Inuyasha had made for her one night so long ago. She collapsed on the step, and just shook for a moment as another memory ran through her head. By some will other than her own, Kagome stood up and presumed walking down the stairway.
Oh can't you see me,
I'm such a mess,
The living room mirror had never lied to Kagome before. But it now showed a shell with long, black hair and red, tearstained eyes. This could not possibly be her, Kagome wasn't a shell. She, she just was sad at the moment for losing something. It'd pass soon enough and there'd be a new Inu… guy.
Trying to hard to find my way.
With the blackness around her, Kagome hit the low-lying table in the living room. Bending down to stable it, Kagome looked at the shine on the glass of pictures.
You remember
Wasting all the time, we were feeling fine
Woah,
There was her and Inuyasha at the beach, goofing off, and, and down at the river.
We couldn't walk a line,
We were all right…
********************************************
" Wow, look at it! It's huge!" exclaimed Kagome. She walked a few steps forward, teasing Inuyasha as a slight breeze whipped her little green skirt and white tank top.
" It's just a river Kagome, and it's mostly dried up anyway," replied Inuyasha, arms crossing and eyes hard, though he took not the chance to move from his stop.
" Well, yeah Mr. Pessimistic. Still better than wasting the day inside though." Sitting down at the riverbank, Kagome started removing her shoes.
" I wouldn't…" started Inuyasha.
His threat fell on deaf ears as Kagome launched her feet right down through a feet of water and into a nice, sticky, muddy river bottom.
" Still impressed?" asked Inuyasha, barely able to keep the smile of his face as Kagome failed in bringing up a foot.
" Yes," she hastily answered, most enthusiasm lost as mud squished through her toes and seemed to slurp her farther in.
" Well, then I'd say you're on the wrong side." As Kagome turned to asked What the hell is that supposed to mean, Inuyasha approached with his inhuman hanyou speed and pushed her into the river.
This had not the effect planned as Kagome fell face first into the river bottom, though her feet were freed from the evil sucking mud.
Inuyasha could hold it no longer, he burst out laughing. Kagome managed to get to her knees, and the mud magically slid off her face as she turned to Inuyasha. He, expecting anger, was confused by the sad look and tears upon her face.
" You don't think I'll fall for that?" asked Inuyasha, trying to remain as firmly planted as before.
Kagome whimpered, and held out her hand to him.
" Aw, fine, come on," said Inuyasha, holding out his own hand to grab hers. Within the split instant of a reflex, Inuyasha was sprawled out on the mud besides Kagome, who was laughing.
" Bitch, these were new pants!" cried Inuyasha, though his insult was lost in his tone.
" Well yeah?" uttered Kagome, " This was my favorite skirt. Seems like we both lost something."
" Well," muttered Inuyasha, searching his brain for a comeback, " well take this!"
A ball of mud somehow found it's way to Kagome's face.
" You bitch!" screamed Kagome in Inuyasha's tone, " Well take this back!"
And while mud flung back and forth, Inuyasha found it placed upon himself to bring forth a new enjoyment to the day.
"Urrrrrghhh!" he cried, as he brought his body down on Kagome, making quite the lovely body slam.
Time seemed endless as Kagome kicked him off, toppled on him, and just wrestled around in the dark stinking mud of the dried up river. He seemed not ready to give her winning privileges, tossing her lightly down, deflected her poorly aimed kicks, and tumbling around with her. Yet because of her damn DNA, Kagome was the first to tire and relent to Inuyasha's superior hanyou being.
" Fine, okay fine you win! You big meanie!" said Kagome through giggles. Inuyasha was currently sitting upon her shoving mud into her face.
[A/N I didn't mean that scene to be sexual at all, it's just hard to describe mud wrestling without making it sound all dirty, no pun intended. If you could watch that scene in my head, one that would be cool, and two it wouldn't be as bad as it sounds.]
" Of course I win," said Inuyasha, raising a muddy fist as his sign of victory.
" Yes, now get off me," screamed Kagome, shoving him off to the side.
" You're bitter cause I won."
" No I'm not."
" That's a double negative."
" So?"
" Quit being sore and admit I won."
" No, never, not on your life. That's a triple negative so it works."
" Damn, how'd I ever win you from Koga?"
Kagome turned her brown eyes to him. He still lay in the same spot as before, as though nothing had happened.
" What?" he asked, feeling her gaze.
" That's the first time you mentioned Koga since, well you know."
" Well, yeah, but I don't care. Your mine now."
Kagome sat up, her ears barely able to hear over the intensive cries of joy ringing inside her mind.
Inuyasha noticed it to. " Well, that is I meant to say…"
" No," said Kagome, smile plastered on her face, " That's what you meant."
Silence followed, where Inuyasha seemed no longer an existing being.
" You think I'm gorgeous," cooed Kagome.
" What! I never said that!"
" You think I'm gorgeous, you want to hug me, you want to kiss me, you want to love me," Kagome stood up, prepared to go into full Sandra-mode.
" Yeah, so what?"
For another instance, silence, and Kagome seemed no longer existing. Brown met amber, and again there was a bond. Everything seemed right, Inuyasha smiled truly for the first time, and Kagome stood in her first real taste of utter shock. He cupped her face, and stared deeper into her simmering brown eyes.
" I love you," he whispered.
And they kissed.
********************************************
So go on,
And sleep,
Darling
The happiness of the memory was replaced by the bitterness of the present. Kagome turned over the photo, unable to look upon the past joy she had held with Inuyasha.
Why don't you pretend we were just a dream?
She turned over every photo, refusing her mind to be plagued with flashbacks, to leave her fuller with empty emotions.
It's cool, baby
Doesn't matter anyway.
The front door opened, and Kagome took her first breath of freedom. It was bitter and polluted, not the sweet, flittered air she was used to.
I'm so sorry,
She walked down the final steps of the house, feeling the cold concrete beneath her soles.
Got to the station a little to late,
There needed to be one final goodbye. Kagome braced herself to turn around.
Such a shame,
The wind bit her tears as she whimpered one last goodbye.
Just missed the train…
Oh!
Why that train just pass us by?
Hurt creeped on her heels, each thought was of home; every breath was a struggle to keep down the harsh night air.
Didn't anyone see we were still gathering love?
Oh we could have made it for all time, Yeah.
She stopped. Her mind tried to calm her, to push her back to her house, back into Inuyasha's love. It wouldn't work. He'd be drawn between her and Kikyo, he would only stain his loyalty before breaking her heart even more and going to Kikyo. This was better, it was nobler. But with each passing instance away from him she longed to be selfish, to stay with him for a few last glorious days before holding a greater ache.
………………………………………………….
So sleep,
Darling
Inuyasha woke with a start. There was something wet on his face, it was, a tear? He looked back, but Kagome didn't lie sleeping behind him as usual. Her scent seemed old, it was everywhere over the house but she seemed to be, nowhere. As he tried to heave himself off the bed, he saw something white with his name on it atop the table besides him.
Why don't you pretend we were just a dream?
No, no this was wrong. Inuyasha choked down some sort of lump in his throat as he read, his damn eyes refusing to stay dry. She couldn't, damnit she couldn't leave him. He needed her. He needed her smile, he energy, her hand on Saturdays, her warmth at nighttime, her being by his, her soul with his.
It's cool, baby,
' There's always Kikyo,' said some voice in the very back of his mind.
" Screw Kikyo!" he yelled aloud, tears blurring his sight. "Screw her," he moaned.
Doesn't matter anyway.
He sat in his bed, staring at the note. His heart refused to work, his brain dead long ago. That left him the note, with it's tear it had to have some sort of soul, some kind of pity to give him the right path. It needed to tell him an answer, to slap his face, to scream some sense back into him and send him running after the right girl. He loved Kagome, but he'd promised Kikyo, but she'd been gone so long, and Kagome was so more accepting, Kikyo had seemed to turn against him, but she said she loved him, and…
" Oh, God damnit, SPEAK YOU STUPID NOTE!"
I'm so sorry,
Got to the Station a little to late,
Kagome's scent grew fainter on her pillow, slowly dulling, slowly fading away. It's was tear stained, and the tear's took away from her scent. Inuyasha pressed it to his nose, he loved her scent. He needed her scent on his pillow, beside him.
Such a shame,
Did he really want Kikyo's scent on his pillow?
………………………………………………….
So sleep,
Darling
Kagome looked up at the train station, tall, dark, and eerie in the night. Seemed perfect for leaving.
Why don't you pretend we were just a dream?
She'd no longer be Kagome, she'd change her name, die her hair, start over, live somewhere new…
It's cool, baby,
Doesn't matter anyway.
Tears burst in her eyes. Damn, why couldn't she forget? What difference would one more forgotten pretty face make anyway? She'd left plenty of guys, so, so why couldn't she just leave him?
I'm so sorry,
No matter the time, she'd forget him. Kagome held out her hand to open the door.
Got to the station a little too late,
Something grabbed her. Kagome was spun around into a warm wall that closed itself around her. Drops dripped down her head, past her checks, and into her mouth. They were hot and salty. She raised her head, and saw the same haunting amber eyes she'd forgotten. Piercing brown met watery amber.
Such a shame,
" Don't leave me," he whimpered, placing his head upon hers, " I love you."
Just missed the…
She stood silent, wrapped into him. Everything she'd ever wanted was here around her.
Such a shame,
But she couldn't. He didn't know what he did, what he was forsaking. She broke his grip, broke lose and ran. She tripped, tumbled, and nearly fell but ran the same. She looked back, and there he stood, a heartbroken shell of a man. Kagome couldn't gaze upon him. " I love you!" she yelled back before disappearing into the darkness.
Just missed the train.
Haza! Finished! It now remains to you, oh wise and noble reader. You may stay in your current confusion and accept this ending of pain and sadness. I rather like sad endings, this may be a one shot. Or, you may review and get another chapter. It may be better, happier ending, or it may be worse. Who knows? But, there could always be a third chapter, though there is where I stop it. How was it? The only thing I really didn't like was the change from the memory to Kagome's current position. What do you think? So now I leave you, make the wise decision and review, merely a 'I like your story' and bam, another chapter. I leave it to you.
Your Faithful Authoress,
Pale Moonlight
