A/N: I really hope ya'll think it's funny... o.O
chap. 2 ~ i feel pretty...
On the plane Quatre and Trowa were getting cozy as Duo took his seat next to Heero. Wufei looked at his friends and snorted, "Great, this is just great, just DANDY. I've got to sit next to Maxwell and people are going to actually know that I KNOW you freaks."
Heero gave Wufei a look that implied that he should sit down and shut up.
Wufei sighed and reluctantly sat down. To pass time (and embarassment) he meditated the whole flight. Getting off the plane he felt woozy and sick at the sight of Trowa and Quatre holding hands. "Can you guys retain yourselves in public?!" Wufei growled as they went through security. Quatre gave him a hurt look as he let go of Trowa's hand.
At the hotel, Wufei dumped his luggage on the floor of Heero and Duo's suite. "Why are you here?" Duo asked him.
"Why am I here?!" Wufei growled, "I'm HERE because Quatre literally threatened me at gunpoint to stay in here with you two. Believe me, I don't want to be in here any more than you want me here."
Heero sighed and said, "Fine, but you're staying on the couch. And STAY on the couch."
Wufei snorted and stated, "I have no intention of walking in on you and Duo. Believe me, that would shatter my life and my mind would never be cleansed of the sickening images." ~~~~~~~~~~~~
The five Gundam pilots walked down into the restaurant the next morning for breakfast. Duo spotted the buffet table and instantly started to fill his plate with everything that he saw fit for him. In fact, after Duo was done with the buffet table, there was nothing left. Quatre stared at Duo sitting at a table, plate piled high with food, shoveling food into his mouth nonstop. Wufei grumbled angrily, "Now what are we supposed to eat?"
Apparently the four other pilots didn't get to eat anything, because right after Duo finished his meal, he dragged his friends out of the restaurant to join the tour group.
"We're walking, we're walking, we're walking, we're walking, we're stopping," the tour guide, with a heavy Irish accent, rambled. "I'm Aoibheann O'Donoghue, and I will be your tour guide for today. This tour includes sights of Desmond Castle French Prison and Charles Fort."
Quatre seemed interested immediately as he stuffed his nose into the nearest brochure. Trowa looked over Quatre's shoulder to see what he was reading and Heero and Duo were having a conversation on the gender of the tour guide.
"I think it's a he...," Duo said slowly, "I mean, can't you see the mustache on his lip?"
"Hn, no, I think it's a woman, although she is fairly large for one... I think Aoibheann is a woman's name." Heero countered.*
Wufei stood by himself in the corner watching his friends leave him out...again.
The sun shimmered brightly as the tour group walked out of the hotel. A dirt path was clearly marked and they marched behind the tour guide, like a flock of sheep behind their shepard.
"We're walking, we're walking, we're walking," the tour guide droned,"To the right you see Desmond Castle French Prison, built as a custom house by the Earl of Desmond c.1500, Desmond Castle has a colourful history, ranging from Spanish occupation in 1601, during the Battle of Kinsale, to its use as a prison for captured American sailors during the American War of Independence. Know locally as 'The French Prison' after a tragic fire in which 54 prisoners, mainly French seamen, died in 1747. The castle was also used as a borough jail from 1791 to the onset of the Great Famine when it was used as an auxiliary workhouse tending to the starving populace. Desmond Castle was declared a National Monument in 1938. Today Desmond Castle is host to the International Museum of Wine. The exhibition documents the intriguing story of Ireland's wine links with Europe and the world...."** The flow of information never seemed to stop, and Duo suddenly got an idea that would make the tour a lot more interesting...
Stepping a couple steps behind the group, he began to sing as loud as he could, "I FEEL PRETTY! OH SO PRETTY! I FEEL PRETTY AND WITTY AND GAAAAAAAAAY!!!"
Wufei looked back at Duo with disgust, and contorted to Duo, "Maxwell you ARE gay, so no need to tell the world that you FEEL gay."
Duo took a breath and continued, with Wufei interjecting every other verse to make some comment or another, "AND I PITY ANY GUY WHO ISN'T ME TONIGHT!!"
"It's day Maxwell, get your head straight."
"I FEEL CHARMING, OH SO CHARMING! IT'S ALARMING HOW CHARMING I FEEL!! AND SO PRETTY THAT I HARDLY CAN BELIEVE I'M REAL!!!"
"You're full of it Maxwell."
"SEE THE PRETTY GUY IN THE MIRROR THERE? WHO CAN THAT ATTRACTIVE GUY BE? SUCH A PRETTY FACE, SUCH A PRETTY ASS, SUCH A PRETTY SMILE, SUCH A PRETTY ME!!!!"
Heero shook his head in amusement and muttered, "Omae o korusu..."
"I FEEL STUNNING AND ENTRANCING, FEEL LIKE RUNNING AND DANCING FOR JOY!! FOR I'M LOVED BY A PRETTY WONDERFUL BOY!!!!!" With that last verse, Duo found his way to Heero and put both his arms around his neck, with Wufei muttering something about bakas and dishonor. Trowa and Quatre were both in the front of the tour group, pretending they didn't know Duo, Heero, or Wufei (a smart move in my opinion).
The numerous people in the tour group had all turned around to stare at Duo's musical performance, had looks of confusion on their face, as if waiting for more of the song. Apparently, the tour was boring them as well, and anything BUT the toneless drone of the tour guide was enough to amuse them. Quatre sensed the tension in the tour group and marched up to Duo and continued the song, "Have you met my good friend Duo, The craziest guy on the block? You'll know him the minute you see him, He's the one who is in an advanced state of shock. He thinks he's in love. He thinks he's in Spain. He isn't in love, he's merely insane. It must be the heat Or some rare disease, Or too much to eat, Or maybe it's fleas. Keep away from him, Send for Heero! This is not the Duo we know! Modest and pure, Polite and refined, Well-bred and mature And out of his mind!"*** Quatre finished the song breathlessly, it seemed that being held captive in his own home with nothing to watch but West Side Story really did come in handy sometimes. Trowa gave Quatre a blank look, then shook his head as walked over to his lover.
Wufei only gave Quatre a smug look and commented, "Duo isn't polite, refined, well-bred, or mature, but he is out of his mind. Sooo... I guess the ending to that song is only half right Quatre."
The irritated tour guide walked up to the five Gundam pilots with a disgruntled expression on his/her face. He/She stomped right up to Duo and snorted like a Mexican bull ready to charge. "What 'zis the matter young man?" He/She said through a heavy accent.
"Nothing... ehh.." Duo was about to say madam, but didn't want to further endanger his life by calling a he a she and vice versa.
"What 'zis your name?" the tour guide grunted.
"Dick." Duo had a hard time holding in his laughter as he told the tour guide his "name."
"Dick. I suggest you settle down and SHUT up, before you find yourself in the middle of the Sahara Desert with absolutely nothing to eat." He/She motioned to Wufei, Heero, Trowa, and Quatre, "And your friends will join you."
"Been there, done that..." Heero muttered under his breath.
As soon as the tour guide turned his/her back on the pilots, Duo, unable to control himself anymore, burst out in fits of laughter and started to roll around on the ground, clutching his sides as he gasped, "Quatre... that was a **laugh** great **HAHA** encore performance!" Quatre blushed a furious red as Duo continued to roll down the path, which just happened to be at the top of a hill. Duo, unable to control where he was going, went careening down the hill at breakneck speed, until he crashed into a very solid, medium-sized rock. "OUCH!!" he cried as his shoulder grazed the rock. He got onto his feet and stared at the rock that had nearly broke his skull into two. He began to kick the rock up the hill, as if by doing this would accomplish something. He reached the top of the hill where his friends were waiting for him and said, "Look I found a rock."
Wufei involuntarily snorted and said, "Look, Maxwell found a rock, a non-living, non-thinking object, just like himself. Good job."
Duo scowled as Heero let out a small chuckle. Even Trowa couldn't help but smile.
The rest of the tour was as exciting as a bag of wet marbles. (I leave it up to you to decide whether or not the rest of the tour was interesting, because I have found people have different opinions on EXACTLY how interesting a bag of wet marbles really is. Don't ask.) The whole time, Duo amused himself by kicking the rock where ever the tour group went. At the end of the six hour long tour, with no lunch, so by then all five pilots were racked with hunger, Duo accidently kicked the rock into the heels of the tour guide. He/She turned around and gave Duo a menacing glare as /heshe looked down at his/her feet to see the rock he/she had been hit with. The "menacing glare" quickly turned into a panicked state.
"YOU... YOU..."
Duo stared at the tour guide and said, "Yes, I... I... did whatever you're about to accuse me with."
"YOU MOVED DE HEILIGE LAVA ROTS!!!!"*
Duo continued to blankly stare at the tour guide, "Excuse me?"
Trowa replied to Duo's stupidity by saying, "The tour guide said that you moved the Sacred Lava Rock....in Dutch."
"I thought this was Ireland, why are people talking in Dutch in Ireland??" Duo asked irritably. Trowa could only shrug.
Duo continued, "Ummm... Is this a life-threatening situation? I mean, what's the price to pay if I move this damn lava rock? Condemned to hell? I'm the God of Death, hell don't scare me. A life of pain and suffering? My life's already filled with pain and suffering because of Wu- man here." Wufei flicked Duo off when he wasn't looking but Duo replied, "I saw that Chang." Wufei scowled and was tempted to break Duo's neck, but resisted only to let Duo live a little longer to hear what his punishment would be.
"This is NO ordinary sacred rock!!"
"And I suppose there are other sacred rocks in the world? Watch out guys, we might move sacred lava rocks in the future, someone make a mental note," Quatre said sarcastically.
"If a person were to move THIS rock, it would open a rift between the dimensions and the foolish idiot who moved the rock and most of the people he knows will be sucked into that wormhole. No man has EVER come back from the dimension he was sucked into..." the tour guide finished in a hushed voice.
"Uh huh, that's great... Listen, so far nothing has happened, and it's been six hours... Actually, because you were talking the whole time during the tour, it felt like six months, and that's already six months of my life wasted... Wait, I'm getting side-tracked, besides, what DIMENSION could we possibly get stuck in?" Just as Duo said these words, a huge hole seemed to open up around a foot off the ground, whirling endlessly, seemingly stirring and mixing the background into a spiral.
"Good going Maxwell, you've jinxed us all..." Wufei muttered. Heero could only growl, "Omae o korusu Duo." And Quatre stared dumbfounded at the whirpool now formed in the air. Trowa just rolled his eyes and prepared for the worse. Duo stared through the whirpool and mumbled, "I think I am insane..."
The ground seemed to lift them off their feet as the five, instoppable Gundam pilots were thrown headfirst into the wormhole of doom... ~~~~~~~~~~~~ *Aoibheann O'Donoghue really is an Irish woman's name, but I leave it up to your imagination to figure out if the tour guide is a woman or man. **All that crap on that french prison really is true, it truly is amazing what you can find on the internet. ***No, I do not own West Side Story either, and the lyrics to that song was altered a bit to fit Duo's personality and background. Again, it's amazing what you can find on the internet. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ A/N: haha, that's my pitiful attempt at a cliffhanger!! Review and then MAYBE when you come back next time, there will be a new chapter!! hehehe...
chap. 2 ~ i feel pretty...
On the plane Quatre and Trowa were getting cozy as Duo took his seat next to Heero. Wufei looked at his friends and snorted, "Great, this is just great, just DANDY. I've got to sit next to Maxwell and people are going to actually know that I KNOW you freaks."
Heero gave Wufei a look that implied that he should sit down and shut up.
Wufei sighed and reluctantly sat down. To pass time (and embarassment) he meditated the whole flight. Getting off the plane he felt woozy and sick at the sight of Trowa and Quatre holding hands. "Can you guys retain yourselves in public?!" Wufei growled as they went through security. Quatre gave him a hurt look as he let go of Trowa's hand.
At the hotel, Wufei dumped his luggage on the floor of Heero and Duo's suite. "Why are you here?" Duo asked him.
"Why am I here?!" Wufei growled, "I'm HERE because Quatre literally threatened me at gunpoint to stay in here with you two. Believe me, I don't want to be in here any more than you want me here."
Heero sighed and said, "Fine, but you're staying on the couch. And STAY on the couch."
Wufei snorted and stated, "I have no intention of walking in on you and Duo. Believe me, that would shatter my life and my mind would never be cleansed of the sickening images." ~~~~~~~~~~~~
The five Gundam pilots walked down into the restaurant the next morning for breakfast. Duo spotted the buffet table and instantly started to fill his plate with everything that he saw fit for him. In fact, after Duo was done with the buffet table, there was nothing left. Quatre stared at Duo sitting at a table, plate piled high with food, shoveling food into his mouth nonstop. Wufei grumbled angrily, "Now what are we supposed to eat?"
Apparently the four other pilots didn't get to eat anything, because right after Duo finished his meal, he dragged his friends out of the restaurant to join the tour group.
"We're walking, we're walking, we're walking, we're walking, we're stopping," the tour guide, with a heavy Irish accent, rambled. "I'm Aoibheann O'Donoghue, and I will be your tour guide for today. This tour includes sights of Desmond Castle French Prison and Charles Fort."
Quatre seemed interested immediately as he stuffed his nose into the nearest brochure. Trowa looked over Quatre's shoulder to see what he was reading and Heero and Duo were having a conversation on the gender of the tour guide.
"I think it's a he...," Duo said slowly, "I mean, can't you see the mustache on his lip?"
"Hn, no, I think it's a woman, although she is fairly large for one... I think Aoibheann is a woman's name." Heero countered.*
Wufei stood by himself in the corner watching his friends leave him out...again.
The sun shimmered brightly as the tour group walked out of the hotel. A dirt path was clearly marked and they marched behind the tour guide, like a flock of sheep behind their shepard.
"We're walking, we're walking, we're walking," the tour guide droned,"To the right you see Desmond Castle French Prison, built as a custom house by the Earl of Desmond c.1500, Desmond Castle has a colourful history, ranging from Spanish occupation in 1601, during the Battle of Kinsale, to its use as a prison for captured American sailors during the American War of Independence. Know locally as 'The French Prison' after a tragic fire in which 54 prisoners, mainly French seamen, died in 1747. The castle was also used as a borough jail from 1791 to the onset of the Great Famine when it was used as an auxiliary workhouse tending to the starving populace. Desmond Castle was declared a National Monument in 1938. Today Desmond Castle is host to the International Museum of Wine. The exhibition documents the intriguing story of Ireland's wine links with Europe and the world...."** The flow of information never seemed to stop, and Duo suddenly got an idea that would make the tour a lot more interesting...
Stepping a couple steps behind the group, he began to sing as loud as he could, "I FEEL PRETTY! OH SO PRETTY! I FEEL PRETTY AND WITTY AND GAAAAAAAAAY!!!"
Wufei looked back at Duo with disgust, and contorted to Duo, "Maxwell you ARE gay, so no need to tell the world that you FEEL gay."
Duo took a breath and continued, with Wufei interjecting every other verse to make some comment or another, "AND I PITY ANY GUY WHO ISN'T ME TONIGHT!!"
"It's day Maxwell, get your head straight."
"I FEEL CHARMING, OH SO CHARMING! IT'S ALARMING HOW CHARMING I FEEL!! AND SO PRETTY THAT I HARDLY CAN BELIEVE I'M REAL!!!"
"You're full of it Maxwell."
"SEE THE PRETTY GUY IN THE MIRROR THERE? WHO CAN THAT ATTRACTIVE GUY BE? SUCH A PRETTY FACE, SUCH A PRETTY ASS, SUCH A PRETTY SMILE, SUCH A PRETTY ME!!!!"
Heero shook his head in amusement and muttered, "Omae o korusu..."
"I FEEL STUNNING AND ENTRANCING, FEEL LIKE RUNNING AND DANCING FOR JOY!! FOR I'M LOVED BY A PRETTY WONDERFUL BOY!!!!!" With that last verse, Duo found his way to Heero and put both his arms around his neck, with Wufei muttering something about bakas and dishonor. Trowa and Quatre were both in the front of the tour group, pretending they didn't know Duo, Heero, or Wufei (a smart move in my opinion).
The numerous people in the tour group had all turned around to stare at Duo's musical performance, had looks of confusion on their face, as if waiting for more of the song. Apparently, the tour was boring them as well, and anything BUT the toneless drone of the tour guide was enough to amuse them. Quatre sensed the tension in the tour group and marched up to Duo and continued the song, "Have you met my good friend Duo, The craziest guy on the block? You'll know him the minute you see him, He's the one who is in an advanced state of shock. He thinks he's in love. He thinks he's in Spain. He isn't in love, he's merely insane. It must be the heat Or some rare disease, Or too much to eat, Or maybe it's fleas. Keep away from him, Send for Heero! This is not the Duo we know! Modest and pure, Polite and refined, Well-bred and mature And out of his mind!"*** Quatre finished the song breathlessly, it seemed that being held captive in his own home with nothing to watch but West Side Story really did come in handy sometimes. Trowa gave Quatre a blank look, then shook his head as walked over to his lover.
Wufei only gave Quatre a smug look and commented, "Duo isn't polite, refined, well-bred, or mature, but he is out of his mind. Sooo... I guess the ending to that song is only half right Quatre."
The irritated tour guide walked up to the five Gundam pilots with a disgruntled expression on his/her face. He/She stomped right up to Duo and snorted like a Mexican bull ready to charge. "What 'zis the matter young man?" He/She said through a heavy accent.
"Nothing... ehh.." Duo was about to say madam, but didn't want to further endanger his life by calling a he a she and vice versa.
"What 'zis your name?" the tour guide grunted.
"Dick." Duo had a hard time holding in his laughter as he told the tour guide his "name."
"Dick. I suggest you settle down and SHUT up, before you find yourself in the middle of the Sahara Desert with absolutely nothing to eat." He/She motioned to Wufei, Heero, Trowa, and Quatre, "And your friends will join you."
"Been there, done that..." Heero muttered under his breath.
As soon as the tour guide turned his/her back on the pilots, Duo, unable to control himself anymore, burst out in fits of laughter and started to roll around on the ground, clutching his sides as he gasped, "Quatre... that was a **laugh** great **HAHA** encore performance!" Quatre blushed a furious red as Duo continued to roll down the path, which just happened to be at the top of a hill. Duo, unable to control where he was going, went careening down the hill at breakneck speed, until he crashed into a very solid, medium-sized rock. "OUCH!!" he cried as his shoulder grazed the rock. He got onto his feet and stared at the rock that had nearly broke his skull into two. He began to kick the rock up the hill, as if by doing this would accomplish something. He reached the top of the hill where his friends were waiting for him and said, "Look I found a rock."
Wufei involuntarily snorted and said, "Look, Maxwell found a rock, a non-living, non-thinking object, just like himself. Good job."
Duo scowled as Heero let out a small chuckle. Even Trowa couldn't help but smile.
The rest of the tour was as exciting as a bag of wet marbles. (I leave it up to you to decide whether or not the rest of the tour was interesting, because I have found people have different opinions on EXACTLY how interesting a bag of wet marbles really is. Don't ask.) The whole time, Duo amused himself by kicking the rock where ever the tour group went. At the end of the six hour long tour, with no lunch, so by then all five pilots were racked with hunger, Duo accidently kicked the rock into the heels of the tour guide. He/She turned around and gave Duo a menacing glare as /heshe looked down at his/her feet to see the rock he/she had been hit with. The "menacing glare" quickly turned into a panicked state.
"YOU... YOU..."
Duo stared at the tour guide and said, "Yes, I... I... did whatever you're about to accuse me with."
"YOU MOVED DE HEILIGE LAVA ROTS!!!!"*
Duo continued to blankly stare at the tour guide, "Excuse me?"
Trowa replied to Duo's stupidity by saying, "The tour guide said that you moved the Sacred Lava Rock....in Dutch."
"I thought this was Ireland, why are people talking in Dutch in Ireland??" Duo asked irritably. Trowa could only shrug.
Duo continued, "Ummm... Is this a life-threatening situation? I mean, what's the price to pay if I move this damn lava rock? Condemned to hell? I'm the God of Death, hell don't scare me. A life of pain and suffering? My life's already filled with pain and suffering because of Wu- man here." Wufei flicked Duo off when he wasn't looking but Duo replied, "I saw that Chang." Wufei scowled and was tempted to break Duo's neck, but resisted only to let Duo live a little longer to hear what his punishment would be.
"This is NO ordinary sacred rock!!"
"And I suppose there are other sacred rocks in the world? Watch out guys, we might move sacred lava rocks in the future, someone make a mental note," Quatre said sarcastically.
"If a person were to move THIS rock, it would open a rift between the dimensions and the foolish idiot who moved the rock and most of the people he knows will be sucked into that wormhole. No man has EVER come back from the dimension he was sucked into..." the tour guide finished in a hushed voice.
"Uh huh, that's great... Listen, so far nothing has happened, and it's been six hours... Actually, because you were talking the whole time during the tour, it felt like six months, and that's already six months of my life wasted... Wait, I'm getting side-tracked, besides, what DIMENSION could we possibly get stuck in?" Just as Duo said these words, a huge hole seemed to open up around a foot off the ground, whirling endlessly, seemingly stirring and mixing the background into a spiral.
"Good going Maxwell, you've jinxed us all..." Wufei muttered. Heero could only growl, "Omae o korusu Duo." And Quatre stared dumbfounded at the whirpool now formed in the air. Trowa just rolled his eyes and prepared for the worse. Duo stared through the whirpool and mumbled, "I think I am insane..."
The ground seemed to lift them off their feet as the five, instoppable Gundam pilots were thrown headfirst into the wormhole of doom... ~~~~~~~~~~~~ *Aoibheann O'Donoghue really is an Irish woman's name, but I leave it up to your imagination to figure out if the tour guide is a woman or man. **All that crap on that french prison really is true, it truly is amazing what you can find on the internet. ***No, I do not own West Side Story either, and the lyrics to that song was altered a bit to fit Duo's personality and background. Again, it's amazing what you can find on the internet. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ A/N: haha, that's my pitiful attempt at a cliffhanger!! Review and then MAYBE when you come back next time, there will be a new chapter!! hehehe...
