Hell If I Know!
By: Anime Redneck
2-3-04 ~ 2-5-04
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Chapter II: My Friends Are Deranged
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Ever get that one point in feeling where your whole body just decides that going flush - and tingling! Can't forget that - is a good idea?

The kinda feeling that just screams "Oh shit! I did something reeeaallly bad! And while I don't yet know what it is… I'm going to act like it was nothing at all 'til it bites me in the ass"??

I just had one of those moments.

The kind you know your blushing from hair to toes and got that weird ass pulsing going on, your almost scared but not…

Really weird.

That's what Ro's "Hn" comment about being lost did to me.

I mean come on! Would you act completely calm, unconcerned that your best bud and blood brother just told you "Hey, we're lost, and I have NO damn clue where we are!" as if he were talkin' 'bout last weeks fight in the mail room??

Noo!! Of course not! Not me!

I'd be pitchin' a fit and demanding for him to remove his white ass into the back of the truck so I can drive my own ass home! Thank-you-very-much!

Drop me off in the middle of a forest somewhere - Hells a desert! - I guarantee, I will be back home, lounging on the couch in three days one how or another. I'd bet my buck rifle on it!

And that, ladies and gents, is a high roller in the country world.

You Do Not, mess with a person's huntin' rifle. That's automatic death right there. Or if it ain't and you've got that person's permission to mess with it - you can sure high Hell bet that they've got a super close eye watchin' ya. Mmhmm, trust me. I know!

So, we're still drivin'.

Well, I'm drivin'; he's snoozin'.

I wonder if I were to stick some paper up his nose if they'd shoot out like it would when ya stuck paper in a straw?

Hades I can just picture that one! Little paper wads shooting from Ro's nose across the truck onto the dashboard. That's the kinda thing you need a third person around for so they can take pictures of it. I'm sure Ro's high and mighty friend would LOVE to see his dear boy doing something like that. While sleeping no less! 'Cause, Dark Lady forbid the guy actually do something like that while awake.

Lets face it people. Even awake, I don't know one person other then myself and maybe Miroku when we're alone, that would even DARE to be caught blowing paper wads out of our noses.

Laughing, shaking my head I try to get that image out of my head. I've got enough issues with Me, Myself and I - to have to worry about Miroku's! That guys got issues they haven't even thought up names for!

Ever watched a person stare at an animal - any kind - touching they're ears and feeling they're fir just trying to figure out what sex they are without looking?

It's overly strange when you think about it 'cause the guy can't stop groping women to save his life! I can vouch for the poor doofus. I've had to personally haul his ass (literally) out of more then fifteen malls, over a half-year period, so some girl didn't go AWOL on his ass. It's sad. I mean, have a little fun, sure. But Hades be damned he's made it into a Death Sport!

My uncle would be proud. ^_^ Hades always had the most particular sense of humor.

Looking over at Ro I can't help but think he's really mad at me. Even though the only thing coming from his this whole while was "Hn" before goin' back to dreamland, still. He's gotta be just the smallest bit upset. I mean. We're supposed to have this get together when we get home and we're gonna be late.

'He doesn't hate you, ya dork.'

I don't know where the voice came from, but I disagree with it.

'The guy's your buddy best since y'all were kids and now you think he hates you over something this small? You really are a nitwit! What do you think he's going to do? Rip the glove box door off it's hinge and beat you with it?'

Hey! Hey, hey now! Lets not get to name calling alright!? Especially not one that chic calls me. I swear I'm going to beat the hell outta ya buddy! And don't even suggest it! Ro could very well do that man! You've not seen the shit this man's capable of!

'Jackass.' It snorts. It actually snorted at me! 'You'd be kicking your own ass. But hey! If that's a new way to keep others from doing it, then please, by all means, I could use some good entertainment.'

I'm ignoring that remark. So all y'all out there can just ignore it too!

Does anyone else do this? Argue with someone else in your mind? Which is fuckin' freaky 'cause you know damn well it ain't no one else - unless someone passing by is Telepathic - that you're just arguing with another part of yourself… And yet we keep on like we're actually speaking to another being!

I've heard of mock battles, to see how they'd go; might turn out, what the results would be... But mock arguments!?

Dark Lady below and bloody Hell man! Do you know how long I can keep one of these things up? It's not even funny (well it is at times). I'm serious. I caught myself just last Wednesday debating up here - lets tap my head for emphasis - about… Hades… of all things… Qat and Fei's relationship with rhinestones.

I kept it up for over an hour.

I swear on my father Thanatos… that you will Not, go into their closet and pick out a shirt, pants, fuckin' socks or a shoe, that doesn't have rhinestones on it.

I'm not kidding here!

It's a fuckin' light show every time they walk into a damn room!

It's eerily weird… and yet it's… umm… I don't really want to say anything bad about them, either of 'em. I mean they're great guys and all but… Rhinestones!? Who the Hell wears those in this era!??

What. Does Q-bean think he's going to be the next Glen Campbell?

And tell me this please… somebody… Who in this overly, extremely-can't-count-everyone's-ass, of a Universe, have you EVER seen a Dragon wearing rhinestones!??

Crickets chirp.

The sound of grass swaying comes to my senses…

Exactly! That's what I thought. NO ONE!!

Yet I'll be damned five times over (my dad's Thanatos, the first damning doesn't count) if we don't have a Chinese Dragon living with us wearing the damn things! X_x

You know… if you bite off one rounded end from a pretzel it looks like one of those seeds off of that anime, "Blue Seed".

feh. The random shit that comes to my mind… Popping in another pretzel I turn onto our road whistling… Find myself coughing up a lung because whistling and eating pretzels at the same time doesn't seem to mix well.

Ro didn't stir… Even when my truck starts jumping around on the rocky road (mmm ice cream!) damn bastard!

I glare at him. But his eyes are still shut. His chest rising and falling with even breaths… his ankles still crossed and his - Wait a dadgum minute here! Did that little shit just… He DID!

Ro's SMILING in his SLEEP! Frickin' cuteass probably heard me choking and thought my Father was coming back to pick me up…

No such fuckin' luck asshole.

Laughing I honk the horn like the devil and speed on down to our place with one happy thought - well quite a few but I'm allowed to have secrets - on my mind.

Y'aller stuck with me even when we all die.

Ahhh… SUCH a beautiful day!

And look. We're home!

I think I'll just get out and lock the truck up with Ro in it… just to piss him off for the hell of it. Never mind he hadn't done anything to me.

He should know better then to sleep while I'm driving.


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Peace. Serenity.

Walking through the bottomlands we own, watching the majestic trees waving they're mighty limbs in the soft breeze - same one playing with my long bangs - as if they were waving hello to us. I cannot say that some of the trees gracing this beautiful country lands, are not saying hello to us as we walk past them.

Oak, Birch, Cedar, Pines, Yaupon's… here in these lands lye a very vast collection of trees one could think would not live, grouped together as they are, in the same conditions.

I am of Earth, one of Her children, and I have yet to understand the reason they all live together, here, without dying out.

The heat on some days is so tremendous it is astounding the small Weeping Willows down near the creek survive such highs. They are not near enough the creek to benefit from the waters there... Even if they were, the creek is well over a thirty-foot drop from land level to creek bed. The poor Willow's roots would not reach the much needed water source.

The more time we spend here - amazing since we have lived here well over ten years - I become more attached and enthralled by all around me.

Perhaps it is merely that I am a Wood Elf, and as such, it is in my blood to love all natural beauty around me. Yet, I find myself believing it is more then just this theory. I believe it, the theory of my being an Elf causing my love for the woods around us - but it is simply more then that. It is as if… I have been here before, perhaps lived here in some time past, and have just recently returned from an overly long hiatus.

The flowers dancing in the breeze sing to us happily. A song of greeting and story telling of the events from the night before; the telling of a royal looking silver and black wolf pawing the earth in irritation before catching a very unique scent and pouncing off like a cub in joy.

I smile, trying to build in my mind the picture of any wolf not still a cub prancing off following a scent. Humorous as that picture happens to be… I believe the one before me now of a small kit swatting at a flower giggling at him, funnier.

We decided to take a break from walking the lands and currently sit amidst a field of wild flowers. I lean against a tree, while the kit I'm watching over, nay but three years in Human terms, is sniffling around each flower he comes to, batting at it when it laughs tickling his sensitive little nose with the coming breeze.

It does not seem to happen much anymore; I do not know if I should be worried or not over such a thing - as I find myself humbled and honored to be the one chosen to watch and care for this little kit while it's adopted Sire is away.

He's a feisty, playful little thing. Takes every moment of watching him to make sure he does not happen into more trouble then he can handle. Which, chuckling, come to think of it, is not that much in first place!

He is so small; one fears a strong gust would blow him end over end away. The adorable kit is only little over two feet in length and only around four or five inches wide. Coat gleaming bright wheat, eyes of fiery emerald gaze out at the world filled with childish bewilderment as they take in all that's around him. His little puffy tail swings back and forth with differing speeds depending on what has caught his rapt attention. Our little kit here is so curious about all that's around him; he takes no heed of danger and plunges right ahead into it, if one does not keep a close on him.

In that respect, I let a grin grace my lips; I do not admire his adoptive Sire. The young man has his hands quite full with this young one here. And he loves every minute of it; even the trouble his kit gets into. The way, I believe, he looked at it was, "I get to exercise, keep my skills in check, and play all while looking after him. What's to complain about?"

Obviously, my dear friend over looked the parts contained therein of risking his life to save the mischievous kit when he went looking and trouble found him. A few incidents with Mountain lions and Bobcats immediately come to mind. But, I suppose when one has a child they love to look after; a parents love truly does know no bounds.

"You live among strange brethren, Little One, do you know this?" I ask while watching the kit chase a dragonfly; calling after him when he had gone further then I'd like. He bounds over into my lap giving me something that would pass as a grin, had he been in humanoid form.

"Your friends are rare gems of the strangest kind, Little One. Who am I to talk of them, when I am one? You're living with us, I believe would make us - me - your uncles, would it not?"

The kit gives a soft bark, bunting his head into my stomach, causing me to smile softly, scratching behind his little pointed ears.

"A Wood Elf - this is I." Smiling down at him, feeling a soft vibration being given off, like that of a cats purr. "The son of Thanatos, with his out worldly humor… The Taiyoukai Lord of the Western Lands… a blonde Arabian and his Dragon Lord… We also have a boomerang wielding woman… a powerful Miko with a perverted, mind misplaced Monk!"

Chuckling, tipping my head to the sky I let out a soft sigh of wonder. "To top them off… the glue of us all… I have pondered many times how he became to us, found us… our Stars no Oji."

Sensing I had forgotten someone my nose twitches in annoyance… Yes this is true. There was also the undead Miko chasing her copy around, and the Princess from another land… Relena… For reasons I would rather not look into, a shiver goes down my spine. I simply cannot come to like this woman… She seems nice enough, yet there is something lurking below the surface that pricks my warning nerves.

I stay as far away as I can.

Even resorting to locking myself in the Oji's room should he allow me. Smile. He does, of course. He would admit any of his friends sanctuary there can he fit them all… However, as the sad fact may be… we cannot all hide when the sandy blonde haired woman comes around… Someone must greet her.

Mayhap should we introduce she and that Miko copies original, they could get together and leave us kind folks alone. We live to torment no one - the same cannot be said for the two ladies. Perhaps then, on that wondering question, I could ask Thanatos' son for his help.

Yes… this could be very educational… not to forget mentioning entertaining.

Sighing softly, still petting the kit's fur I wonder when the others should be home. As it stands now they are late. This is unlike Duo; especially when he knows before hand we are to have friends over.

Aw well, I suppose this is nothing. Duo always has a way of making appearances, or stopping to retrieve some thing or another for the 'parties' we tend to throw when everyone is gathered.

I remember the first time moving here he wished to throw a party and invite everyone. I had nearly gone mad with worry. A party? Here, in this beautiful please?

Knowing of Thanatos' sons version of "partying" I was not thrilled to hear of his suggestion. Worried over the forestlands being "trashed", littered with junk others did not have the decency to carry over and deposit in the right bend: so instead they left it on the grounds.

I was appalled with visions of this happening to such a wondrous place filling my mind.

I had done my best, Artemis knows, to hold off the happening… Everything from stealing and hiding the equipment in the tallest trees to sabotaging all vehicles.

Simply put, I was not happy this was happening and was determined to not have it happen.

Shaking my head with a chuckle, we all know how that turned out. Duo fixed the cars and trucks, the Dragon Lord, Wufei shifted and helped to get the needed party equipment from the trees holding them, and I… I remained hidden in the bottomlands afraid to go up visiting the house to see the damage done.

As you'd have it; nothing was done. The place was near spotless.

Later did I learn, Duo took my frantic (though quiet as they were) pleas to not have his party to heart and made extra care given to those that showed up; to clean they're messes, leaving nothing.

The parties since then have gone in the same manner with only one change - I now attend them. //_^

"Do not wonder to far astray Little One. We cannot have you gone missing when your Sire returns home, now can we?"

Seeing his little tail start wagging doubling time, a small "Meph!" leaving his muzzle, I smile softly, leaning against the ancient pine more fully, watching powder-gray clouds drift across the sky; it's color waning to violet-reds.

My mind seems to have encountered the problem of not thinking something to wonder upon this day. Constantly have I been chasing one thought after another. This time, as my eyes track the cub I am caring for, I cannot help but wonder silently when he shall be able to shift into his humanoid form and hold it?

There was a short time after his finding that the Little One had shifted into his humanoid form; giving us our first glance as to what the young kit might grow to look like. The poor kitsune could only hold the shift for a few precious moments before it was lost, and he reverted to his natural fox form.

But in such little time, we were gifted with quite the cute sight! Rust-red hair flopped around widely in the days winds topping a little head holding wide bright green eyes like that of the suns light glittering off of grass. Small pudgy arms sure to be long and limber when grown, had sat before his surprised form, trying to grasp some of the dirt he had sat upon in little stubby fingers. His pointed ears and fluffy tail twitched and waved in curious delight; pleased to have free movement in this form, as well as in excitement.

He could not speak, only make "meph" sounds, something I would say sounding between a whimper and a bark. Each sounded happy that he had seemed to find this new transformation; and yet, when the shift had reversed itself, the small kitsune let out a disappointed "meph" before trying to amble over to the one person he seemed to have chosen as his new Sire.

We could not find any other Foxes in the area who had lost a kit… let alone a Youkai Fox family… Thus, it was decided amongst ourselves to keep the Little One, to raise and love him. Of course, it was not without saying that the kit had seemed to chose on it's own, to live with us… or rather, one of us in particular. Quite amusing when you think of it. The one he had chosen to be his new Sire was the one most likely among us to be thought not chosen. Then again, animals have very keen senses; perhaps our little kit here knew something we at the time did not.

We have all lived in this area all our lives… They're lives, really, for I have lived many places in my long life… Traveled to see many lands and greet many people while doing so. Somehow, the small blonde, Quatre had come upon this land and purchased it as his new home; and invited his love interest to live with him… As the question was asked (from my understanding) Wufei already had a roommate that he was very reluctant to leave alone.

Something about destructive tendencies and mixing potions together that had no business being even thought of trying to be mixed. I believe I heard them recounting this tale one night and revealed that a house previously being lived in by the two had been "blown to Olympus because the damn fool didn't know shit from Cheyenne!!"

Laughing quietly with a smile I can recall Duo admittedly refusing this accusation with demands that the Dragon Lord replace the shinning piece of his hard won innocence back up before the rest of it started to fall apart. The rest of us, of course, merely laughed at the braided boy and ignored him pleasantly.

~Sylvan Child…~ the tree beside me beckoned, it's mental voice soft and melodious, almost as if it were laughing at something. I turn my head up in respect, eyes closed, waiting. ~The human that is not, with the misplaced tail has returned…~ It is most definitely humored by this telling.

Inclining my head whispering a thank you to the old one, finding it amusing that the trees in this area think Duo is a human with a tail that was not placed in the correct spot.

I start to stand when a rambunctious "MEPH!" catches my attention in mid-stand, a bundle of energy crashing into my, causing us both to fall over into the lush calve length grass covering the lands. "Meph! Meph, meph!!"

I cannot hold back my smile, or the chortle bubbling at the back of my throat demanding to be let out at the happy little mewings - such an odd sound caught between a bark and cats meow… Though to say this to the Little One would grant me a meeting with his little sharp teeth. He is a sensitive one.

So I nod, smiling and pet his head. "Yes Little One, I know… your Sire and Duo are home now, are they not?"

"Meph!" tail wagging delightfully.

"Alright then Little One" heaving myself standing, dusting the earth clinging to my clothes off, I smirk. "Let us be off and find out what your wayward uncle has done to your Sire, shall we?" As if I have to ask at all. His rumpled tail of shinning wheat-gold wags even harder if such a thing were possible and he gives his small bark of agreement as I head off.

It does not take long for use to reach the top, Little One squirming to be put down, but I do not. His Sire would have it out if the small kit were found running up to him and I not being in appearance near him. I take my duty very seriously. It is with great honor and pride that I receive this small kit into my caring hands to look after while his Sire is away. And… I would be hurt as well, should anything happen to him. We all would be, though none other greater then his Sire.

Mere minutes does it take for me to walk where the road curves onto a new one, leading to the opening our house sits in. And I stop there, at the wood line to observe the goings on; I do not see anyone. I can hear music coming from the house; mostly likely Duo, no other vehicles appear in sight yet… However I do not see a light on in the other house. Where is our missing Sire? Perhaps in the main house with the others?

It was as I began walking past the trucks that the kit I carried carefully in my arms started to squirm. I stopped, perplexed and wondered what could have caught his attention over there. Nonetheless I obliged the Little One and walked over, examining the trucks to find, that in Duo's, slept a peaceful looking - if not worn-out - kitsune Sire. Smile twitching at the corners of my lips I ambled over, carefully opening his door and nudging the form within; all the while listening to the happy sounds coming from the kit.

"He-" beating me to the wake up call, jumping from my folded arms into the man's lap in the truck, Little One started to lick at the young man's face below his chin affectionately; trying to rouse him.

A soft groan waifs through the air, the form twisting around to sit fully in the seat from his side-sat position he had been in. Right arm lifting, softly swats at the kit, making his tail wag even faster, the rousing turning into a game as the Little One backs off, waits a second and attacks once more with his licking.

Chuckles. "Shi-Shippou… stop you-" another swipe, "-crazy kit!"

Watching my friend awaken, hands how holding the kitsune away from his face so he might be able to look upon his cub fully, without seeing blurred colors (and possibly to stop being 'cleaned'). I observe as his eyes soften, they're swirling depths of blue turning a deeper shade as a smile crosses his tiers. "Hello to you too Shippou!"

"Good eve, my friend." I greet him, drawing his attention away from his cub to me, a light flush coloring his cheeks. I refuse to grin at him, to tell him he looks once more as he did when eighteen when such a color crosses his cheeks. "Comfortable?"

"Mmmm" he nods stretching out before climbing from the truck, "Was warm."

"Perhaps so, my friend… But if my eyes do not deceive me, I would have to say Duo decided to lock you in the truck again." This was not the first time Duo had decided to leave Heero in the truck before walking about his business. I personally, can see no logic to locking the Japanese man in a vehicle of which he can easily get out of. The humor, I can find on most times… Others… Simply make me start to wonder about the people I have chosen as my housemates.

"Hn" a smirk crosses his face while stretching after exiting the truck. With more bounce into his step, he raises an arm and pats my shoulder in quiet thanks as we start towards the house, the trucks having been parked away from it in light of the upcoming party. "Let's just say… Duo'll get his due next week - or time - he gets into the truck, eh?"

Not commenting, but wondering just what the lad had done? I content myself to watching as he goes from the strong, take no funniness cop we know during the days… to the soft hearted, cooing Sire he had become since finding the small kitsune crying our in the woods. I must admit… the sight of that wild dark chocolate haired head bowed over a small fox and asking if he'd been a "good cub" and inquiring what they had done that day, in the tone of voice one might a small child… is very amusing. The clashing of 'personalities' one might say, is very noticeable.

"Hey Baby Doll!" calls out from the front porch we are not but a few hundred yards away from. Stopping at a large Oak, we wait and watch the scene about to happen.

Duo is on the wood porch leaning over the rail grinning like a giant cat about to get the sweetest milk. The giant bone boomerang wielding Exterminator is standing on the pathway towards the house, her right hand clenching and unclenching into a fist. Finally with an irritated, "Ohhhh!" she storms the path, pausing at the railing, rears up and smacks Thanatos' son upside the head with a audible THRAP before smiling kindly to the dark haired head peeking out the doorway and entering.

Heero laughs, the deep rumbling sound echoing through the clearing, "Baka." Hearing the noise, I notice that Little One's ears twitch towards it, his lips pulling back in a fox grin, cuddling closer to his Sire. "They'll never learn."

"Mayhap not" I agree before pointing towards the gate, "Then again, neither shall those two" the Miko and her friend, the lecherous Monk come around the corner on a Four-wheeler; they live a few blocks away.

"Oh Kami…" the sudden need to be away from everyone seems to have hit him, holding Little One closer as he changes direction towards his small house. Without word, I follow. If this appears to be something he does not feel will be good to attend, I shall accept it and keep him company. After all, we are very similar in many areas; something he may not like is something I, might not appreciate as well.

All we would need now is…

"INUYASHA!!! DAMN IT!!!"

Never mind…

It appears my timing has slipped a light bit. All the players but for one as arrived… and I am certain, the last shall not be far behind the newest.

And so, it is with everyone gathering, that the night's party has started, and myself, Little One and his adopted Sire quicken our steps to hid before all hell breaks loose.


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And there you have it! The second chapter to "Hell If I Know!" ^_^ Third coming soon... After I try working more on AC2. Don't know what's happening in chapter three yet, but we'll see when we get there, ne? Hope ya liked this one! Please let me know whatcha think and I'll work on gettin' the next chapter (to one of the many stories in the works) out soon!

Keep it kickin'!

~ Anime Redneck

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Disclaimer:.. We don't own Gundam Wing.. We surely don't own Inuyasha.. So you can't sue me or send Sango's boomarang after me either! I'll sick Sean on you! I own 'im and my truck and the plot to this story if I actually had one. ^___^ ::crackles::