The Batman Casefiles

#4: He Who Laughs Last

August 26, 2003.

Tonight, I, in disguise as up-and-coming hood Matches Malone, will meet with a guy who agreed to help Matches find work…with the Joker.  I find it interesting that it's been almost a month since the last crime he tried to pull.  Before that one, where he was opposed by the Batman, he had been going at it about once a week.  I've only been Batman for almost two months.  Is it possible that my reputation has already built that much?  Maybe I'm already succeeding in deterring crime from happening, just by way of my fear-inspiring reputation.  Or maybe the Joker is just an insane coward.  We'll find out tonight.

Bruce Wayne, disguised with facial hair and blonde streaks, followed the instructions on the note given to him, telling him to be at a certain address at midnight.   He knocked on the door, but nobody answered.  He walked inside and found the place empty.

He wandered around the building, finding no one, but just as he was about to leave, someone appeared at the front door.

"Jack," Matches said.  "I thought I was gonna meet the Joker here."

"It's a security measure, to make sure you're not an undercover cop.  I've been checking outside to see if anyone followed you here.  Don't worry, it's just routine, man.  I don't think you're a cop.  We do this for everybody."

"Okay.  Now what?"

"I take you to the Joker."

A short drive later, Matches and Jack were standing face to face with the Joker, and his one remaining lackey.

"Well, hidey ho!" The Joker said gleefully.  "Is this the new help?"

"Name's Matches Malone," Matches said, offering his hand.  The Joker took it, and Matches felt a mild sensation.  Joker laughed as he turned his palm upward to reveal a joy buzzer.

"Lucky I had it on the low setting.  Now, I've got a joke for you," the white-faced man said, laughing.  "One time back in ancient Greece, Aesop was telling a story.  A man came up to him, and he said, 'What a great fable!'  Aesop look stunned and replied, 'That wasn't a fable, that was my life!'"  Joker frowned as Matches didn't even crack a smile at the jest, and then the Joker broke out laughing.  "Well, he knows a bad joke when he hears one!  You're hired."  The Joker shook Matches' hand again, giving him another mild shock with the joy buzzer, and then walked off.

"Hey," the other thug said, "You'll get used to him.  My name's Mel."  Matches just grunted, and then followed the Joker to a van. 

The Joker drove the van through the empty streets to a large, dimly lit building.  The van stopped, and he stepped out, followed by Mel and Matches. 

"This is it, boys," the Joker said, and then immediately went to work disabling an archaic security system that had wires outside of the building.  When that was finished, he broke the main door open.  His two lackeys were greeted by long, tall row upon long, tall row of boxes, endlessly stacked up, filling the entire building. 

"Looks like a warehouse," Mel said.  "What's in here, Joker?"

"Dishwashers!" The Joker said, laughing maniacally.  "Do you have any idea how much those things cost?  We're gonna steal as many dishwashers as we can fit in the van!  Hmm…they might have some computers and TV's, too."  The Joker walked down a long aisle, looking at the labels on the boxes.  "Not a dishwasher…not a dishwasher…not a dishwasher.  You two start on the next aisle and work your way out," the Joker shouted to his men as he kept searching.  "And tell me if you see any Hummel figurines, too!"

Matches and Mel began walking down the long aisle, looking for valuable items.  Matches waited until there were a few aisles between them and the Joker, and then he turned to the side and sucker-punched Mel.  Mel, never knowing what hit him, went down with one more blow to the face.  Reaching into the pocket of his large coat, he pulled out a very small time bomb and set it.

Matches, acting frantic, ran to the Joker.  "Joker!  It's the Batman!"

"What?" The Joker said, spinning around fearfully.

"It is!  I saw him," Matches said, breathing hard.  "He took out Mel!"

The Joker stood, anxiously listening.  A few moments later, he heard the explosion from the bomb.  "He is here!  Well don't just stand there, go find him!"  The Joker shooed Matches away, and then started to slink slowly toward the door. 

Matches stopped two aisles away, and then took out from under his coat Batman's utility belt, and a pair of night-vision goggles.  He took off the coat as he slipped on the goggles, and then ran quietly to the light switch and flipped it off.  Complete darkness shrouded the building.  With no light outside, the open exit disappeared from sight.  Matches grunted, as if in pain, loud enough for the Joker to hear.  He threw some boxes to the ground.

"Matches?" He heard the Joker say from across the expansive room.  "Mel?  Anyone?"

"No, Joker," Batman said, in a loud, harsh voice.  "It's just you and me now."  Batman looked around, trying to find the Joker.  Climbing up a shelf, standing atop a tall pile of boxes, he had a better view of the building.  He finally located the Joker, stumbling around blindly, flailing his arms, looking for the exit. 

Batman leapt to another shelf, and thus made his way toward the Joker.  When he was just above the Joker, he took out a batarang and threw it.  The Joker heard the whiff of air, and then the noise of the batarang cutting into a box near him.  Before he could do anything, Batman had jumped down from his perch, in a flying kick.  The Joker was on the ground and handcuffed almost before the pain of the kick registered in his brain.

Continued…

[I hope you liked this story.  Please feel free to review; I accept criticism.  Also read my work on FictionPress.com.]

Author's Note: You may have noticed that this hasn't been updated in a while.  As much as I enjoy this story, I've begun another project, which will start to be shown here on FanFiction.net on September 2nd.  I won't stop writing The Batman Casefiles, but the updates to this tremendously fascinating story will be fewer.  Thanks for reading, and I hope you stick with it despite the slower pace.