Note: You'll have to excuse me.  I'm coming out of cardiac arrest.  100?  This thing broke the 100 mark for reviews?  You people are AWESOME!!!  I have stuff I want to say to everybody, but with so many reviewers, I'm just going to wait until I'm done with the Project and then give the world's biggest shout-out.  Because, let's face it, the biggest bummer is to read a fanfic, see an update, get all excited, and then it's only responses to reviews.  So I'm going to wait.  I hope that's okay with everyone.

Extra Note, concerning "Hop" --- The information that I got regarding Toad's knees is from a particularly touching scene in a fic titled "Day by Day."  It's by Kizmet.  The story revolves around Lance and the side-effects of his powers.  Even though I'm not a devoted Brotherhood fan (I like them but I'm not obsessed with them), the quality of the writing kept me going to the last word.  I don't care if you hate Lance and the Brotherhood.  YOU MUST READ IT.  It's that brilliant.

Summary: This piece, "Princess," takes place within The Stuff of Heroes.  It happens right at the end … kind of.

Spoilers: The Stuff of Heroes, and the "mytharc" events leading up to it.  (Basically, you just need to know what's going on.)  That's why I updated this now --- "Stuff" just ran tonight on Cartoon Network in the U.S.  :D

Rating: PG-13.

Category: Humor.

My continued love to you all.  Thank you so much for your support and commentary.  On we go!

=== PRINCESS ===

Charles Xavier, cradled in Scott Summers' arms, let out a soft moan and scrunched his eyebrows.

"Easy, Professor.  Everything's gonna be okay."

Scott was kneeling on the slimy floor of the drained stasis tank, supporting his mentor's head and shoulders.  Jean Grey was right next to him.  The other X-Men stood behind them, unsure of what to do.  Rogue was exhausted, leaning on Evan.  Kurt was blinking, engaged but clearly tired.  Kitty was rubbing her arms, trying to get warm.  Bobby was flapping his uniform in an attempt to cool off.  They'd all just come from knocking Juggernaut off the dam, and making the news.  Logan, who'd slipped in a few seconds ago to congratulate Scott (grudgingly), was quietly talking to the army guys around the tank.

"Mr. Summers?  Miss Grey?  We need your opinions on something," Corporal Whatever said behind them.

Professor X still hadn't moved.  Jean patted his wet leg and left to go talk to the Army.  Scott sighed and stood up.  He looked pointedly at Kurt, who bounded over and took his place, supporting the professor.  Kitty went, too. 

The corporal began to ask Jean and Scott questions about the Juggernaut, and getting their "grown-up" opinions on how and why he escaped.  Kurt quickly lost interest in the conversation and looked down at the professor.  He was limp and heavy in Kurt's arms, damp and bedraggled from the stasis fluid.

"Poor guy," Kitty said.  "He was stuck in this nasty jelly jar for like, what?  A week?"

"Somesing like zat."

The professor moaned again.  Kurt and Kitty quickly looked at him.  And then he opened his brown eyes, blearily taking in the two teens, who were looking at him in delight.  Kurt's face lit up with a grin.

"Hey!  Professor!  How ah you?"

The professor, in response, heaved in a quick breath and vomited all over Kurt.  Then he passed out again.  Kitty's mouth was hanging open.  Kurt turned to her, with a copious amount of acid-green puke splattered across the chest of his uniform.

"Vhat did I say?"

"Eww!  Nasty!" Kitty said, standing up and backing off.

Jean and Scott were there in a second, taking the professor from them.  A single whiff of Kurt and they backed away, too.  Kurt put his fists on his hips and glared at them in annoyance, but they were too busy with the professor to notice.  They turned him on his side, and just in time.  Still unconscious, he threw up again on the floor of the stasis tank.  Jean rubbed the older man's shoulder. 

~*~X~*~

Storm and Beast arrived from Washington a few minutes later, and they took the Blackbird back to the non-mansion.  The flight was practically silent.  Most of the X-Men were sleeping, Scott was concentrating on flying, and Kurt was sulking in the back.  He was sitting on a hard bucket seat in the "infirmary" area, wrapped completely in a blanket, on the pretense of keeping an eye on the professor, who was swaddled up in covers and laying peacefully on a roll-out cot.  Since Xavier was still asleep, there was nothing for Kurt to do but ponder and obsess. 

So he did.  His "exquisite costume" was on the seat next to him, wadded up and sealed in a white garbage bag.  It sloshed around whenever the plane hit turbulence.  No doubt the professorial puke, rolling around in the bag with his uniform, would ruin every inch of the damn thing.  Kurt knew it was silly to bemoan a piece of fabric, but he was irritated --- mostly with himself.  Why hadn't he done his laundry earlier?  Perhaps if he had, he would have been wearing some underwear under his uniform, and not sitting here with only a blanket protecting his privates from the public eye.  As near as he could recall, all of his jockey shorts were in one of the washing machines, below ground at the mansion.  At least Defcon 4 had spared the subterranean levels.  It was a small mercy.  Normal life, or what passed for normal at the Institute, would be a long time returning.  He sighed and leaned his head back against the wall of the plane.

The first order of business, he knew, would be to get the professor into the subterranean infirmary called the Med-Lab.  He wanted to help with that, but it would require free hands.  So he wrestled with the blanket, and finally he was draped and covered.  The effect was somewhere between Julius Caesar and Yoda.  A couple of safety-pins, and … there!  It looked a bit swishy, and he felt a little ridiculous, but that was okay.  At least now he could help out.

The second order of business, on coming home, would be to put his underwear in the dryer.  And wait.

~*~X~*~

Everyone was milling around the basement dining area, looking a bit lost.  The professor was under Storm and Beast's care in the Med-Lab.  Jean, Scott, and Logan were in there, too, meaning that the other X-Men and the new recruits had no one to answer to, at least for a little while.  Kurt wandered in, wearing his makeshift toga and carrying the white garbage bag.  A portable fan was going, and the artificial breeze blew the blanket up against him.  Evan saw this and started laughing immediately. 

"You owe me ten bucks, Bobby!" he yelled to the Iceman, who, appropriately, was digging around in the refrigerator.  "Kurt's got nothin'!"

Kitty, who was sitting at the table with Jamie, Roberto and Rahne, watched the exchange with interest. 

"What do you mean, 'he's got nothin'?" she asked.

"Ja, vhat do you mean?" the blue furry teen asked, not liking where this was heading.

"Kurt's not wearing anything under that blanket!" Evan said, and laughed.  "You can totally tell!"

Kurt, completely embarrassed, flushed purple and darted into the nearby laundry room.  Most of the people at the table started laughing.  Bobby poured himself a glass of milk.

"That wasn't nice, Evan!" Kitty scolded, and ran after Kurt.

Evan snorted.  "That wasn't nice, Evan!" he mimicked.  "Man, what crawled up Kitty's butt?"

"Well, Jean's with the perfessor," Rogue drawled, wandering in as Bobby chugged his drink.  "Guess someone has 'ta be the bitch."

Bobby laughed so hard he blew milk out his nose, which entertained Evan and Jamie immensely.  Rogue just rolled her eyes and went to the fridge.

~*~X~*~

Kurt was cursing in German and digging around in one of the washing machines, his tail flicking this way and that, as he retrieved every item in the small, nearly-dry load of underwear.  Anyone could tell this was Kurt's underwear --- each pair had a large hole in the back.  He hated the contortions he had to do to get his underpants up where they belonged, and his tail through that hole.  It could make getting dressed quite a pain. 

Kitty ran to his side and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Ah!" he yipped, and slammed his head into the cabinet above the machine.

Stumbling back, he took in the cheerful laundry room and a very apologetic Kitty.

"Sorry," she said.  "Kurt, what the heck are you doing?"

"Vashing mein clothes," he muttered, rubbing his head.  "I need to put my gatkes in za dryer," he held up the garbage bag, "ant put zis stinky sing in za vash."

"Oh.  Well, here!  Let me help."

She took the garbage bag from him and emptied the contents into another washing machine.  They landed inside with a *shplorp* noise and Kitty made a face.  Kurt kept gathering his "gatkes," plucking them up one by one, and tossed them in the dryer.  Kitty turned on the washing machine, then thought for a second.  Had she finished her own laundry?  She began to check the other washing machines, and was overjoyed to see that her beloved collection of cute t-shirts had survived the carnage of the upstairs, safely tucked away in one of the machines.  The load was even clean.  She gathered up her shirts and emptied them into the dryer along with Kurt's underwear.  Kurt smiled.  He threw in an extra dryer sheet and pressed the button to start the machine. 

Neither of them really felt like going back into the dining area, so they plunked themselves down on the floor to wait.  It had been a very long couple of days.  Hours and hours of hiding out in caves, battling a lunatic on a dam, and finding Professor X had taken their toll. 

Kitty yawned first.  And as everybody knows, yawning is highly contagious.  Kurt yawned, too.

"Jeez. I don't know about you, but these past days have been like, an unqualified disaster," Kitty said, curling her legs up to sit Indian style.

"I agree," Kurt replied.  "Za haus is gone, school vill be hell, za Juggernaut escaped, my muzzer messed viss everybody, and za professor barfed on me."

Kitty laughed.  Of all the things to complain about!  "Yeah, that was like, The Vile Projectile.  I was totally freaked."

"So vas I.  It vas pretty scary, seeing him like zat."

"Mm."

Kurt yawned again.  Kitty looked at him and for the first time that day, realized he was looking pretty haggard.  There was no place for a cat-nap in the underground levels, as far as she knew.  She bit her lip and took a chance.

"Hey Kurt, you wanna lay down for a second?"

Kurt blinked at her.  "Vhere?"

She patted her lap.  Kurt grinned, but decided to be a good boy.  He flopped down on the floor, on his side, put his head in her lap, and fell asleep almost immediately.  Kitty leaned back against the throbbing dryer, content with the warm, furry weight balanced between her knees, and conked out as well.  The lights in the washing room were motion-sensitive.  As soon as the two teens stopped moving, they went out. 

~*~X~*~

Evan got the good news fifteen minutes later.

"Kitty!  Kurt!" he yelled, running in and turning on the harsh, bright lights.

Kitty and Kurt both woke up and felt much like baby kittens --- disoriented and blind.  The dryer went off. 

Evan was talking a mile a minute.  The professor was awake, he wanted to see everybody right away, blah blah blah.  Kitty didn't catch the rest.  "C'mon, Kitty!" Evan yelled, and grabbed her arm.

"Wha --- Whoa!  Evan, hey!  Ow!  Kurt, 'ya oughta be wearing somethiiiing!" Kitty yelled, her voice trailing off as Evan dragged her from the room.

"Okay!" Kurt called after her.  He dug into the dryer, blearily pulled out two items, threw them on, and discarded the toga.

~*~X~*~

Professor Xavier was seeing things from an entirely different perspective.  First of all, he felt alive again.  Being tossed into that vat of goo and feeling his brain actually shut down had not been a pleasant experience.  Secondly, he was looking up into the faces of many of his students, who were babbling things like, "Hi!" and "Glad you're feeling better!" and "Professor, you'll never believe what happened!"  Behind them, in the distance, were ceiling tiles.  It finally occurred to Charles that his position had something to do with the unique view --- he was completely horizontal.  A blanket was tickling the underside of his chin.

"Storm and Logan filled me in on a few of the details," he said.  "I'm so glad all of you are safe.  Storm?"

Ororo's face popped into view.  "Yes, Charles?"

"I'd like to be elevated slightly, if you could."

"Of course."

He heard a beep and a hiss, and the world began to rotate around him.  The blanket fell away.  Click!  He was in a near-sitting position.  Much better.  He got a better look at everyone around him, and took in the situation.  He was clean, dry, warm, in bed, and conscious.  All good things.  Evan ran in, with Kitty in tow.  She saw him.

"Professor!" she shrieked happily, and ran over.  "You're all right!"

Kitty was one of the most open, loving people at the Institute, in her own mindless way.  She just plowed right through the row of more respectful, "stand back" type students and hugged the professor.  Charles laughed and returned the favor. 

"I should like to see Kurt, too, if that's possible," he said to her.

"Oh, he'll be here in a minute.  He's just getting changed."

"Getting changed?"

There was a big pause in the room.  Apparently everyone knew that the professor had barfed on Kurt … except the professor.  He looked around.

"Am I missing something?"

"Well, ya were pretty sick when ya woke up, Chuck," Logan said.

"Ah ha ha!  Up-Chuck!" Bobby parroted, and started laughing.

Roberto shoved him.  That knocked him into Jamie, causing a few of the little boy's multiples to dump out onto the floor.  The multiples all rubbed their heads, mumbled, and glared at Roberto.

Charles put on his stiff upper lip.  That seemed to quell the giggling, for the moment. "What happened?"

Scott sighed.  "Jean and I were talking to the military representatives, so I left Shadowcat and Nightcrawler with you.  Taking in all that stasis fluid was pretty hard on you --- you threw up all over Kurt.  He's putting on clean clothes."

"Goodness!"

Charles was about to say something else when everyone heard heavy breathing and the distinct, muffled patter of two fuzzy feet. 

"I'm here!  I'm here!  Vas is going on?" Kurt yelled, running in.  He was bleary-eyed and clearly off-balance.

Everyone stared in shock. 

In his haste to get to the Med-Lab, the furry teleporter had put on two ridiculous items of clothing --- tiny red briefs with a little rocket ship on them (a Christmas gag gift that he'd taken to wearing under his uniform), and one of Kitty's t-shirts, so short that it didn't even hit his belly button.  It was a little pink number that stretched hard across his chest and said "Princess," in sequins. 

"Dios Mio," Roberto muttered, and crossed himself.  "It's da goddamn end of the world."

Logan raised an eyebrow.  "Elf?  You, uh, ya got somethin' ya wanna share?"

But Kurt didn't hear either of these remarks --- everyone else was laughing too hard, slapping their knees, crying, etc.  Everyone, that is, except the professor. 

"Well," Charles said kindly, "I believe someone needs to finish his laundry."

Kurt was baffled.  Evan, ever the opportunist, got out a disposable camera.

"Hey, Kurt!"

Kurt turned around, in a fog, and Evan and took a picture.  Ducking his Auntie O's hand, he scampered out, accompanied by most of the new recruits. 

"Are you all right, Kurt?" Charles asked.

"Ja, fine," he said, trying to shake off the flashes in front of his eyes.  "Just glad you're okay, Professor."

"I'm well, thank you."  He turned to the remaining X-Men.  "Why don't you all go now, and see if you can help Logan get the underground cubicles set up.  You all need rest after what you've been through."

The team nodded and left, herding a sleepy Kurt out in front of them.  Evan was waiting in the hall, holding up his camera.  The team was trying to hold back their snickers.  As soon as the Fuzzy One was more awake, all the fun would be gone.  

~*~X~*~

The next day, the professor was up and about, wheeling around the underbelly of the Institute.  He was inspecting the damage down below.  Most of the kids had dug through the rubble top-side and retrieved some of their possessions --- clothes, hairbrushes, books, etc. --- but there was practically nothing left of the above-ground building.  The Danger Room was blown to hell, too.  They would have to almost completely rebuild the manor.  Charles sighed.  His checkbook was going to take a major hit, he could feel it.  Wheeling into the kitchen area, he saw that the kids had put up a bulletin board, to make the place a little more cheerful.  There were notes reminding people to pick up certain groceries, one terribly-spelled note reminding Kitty not to drink milk from the bottle (he raised an eyebrow), and a whole lot of pictures that Evan had taken.

Some showed Scott and Logan putting up the sleeping cubicles.  A few others showed Scott and Logan having a fight while putting up the cubicles.  There was one shot of each "breakfast shift," all the kids in each making the peace sign at the camera … and about six pictures of a dazed and confused Kurt, in his lucky rocket ship underpants and Kitty's baby tee.  The poses got increasingly ridiculous.  Straight on.  Over the shoulder.  Stalking towards the camera.  Leaning on a wall.  Lounging on the table.  A close-up, with a kissy face.  And finally, silly celebration. 

Charles just shook his head and wheeled away, laughing.  For all the evolving that went on here, there were some things about this place that he hoped would never change.

THE END