Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VIII or anything to do with it...Square does. I also do not own "Hold Her Closer"...that is the property of Blessid Union of Souls and their respective record company.

A/N: This is the author formerly known as Black Knight. I changed my pen name because there were, like, four other people with the same one...anyway. I've been absolutely itching to write a Zelphie for the longest time now and I think my muse has finally paid me a visit. This will be a multi-chaptered story. (Most of you know that I hate Irvine, but even so I won't bash him in this fic. He won't be a rapist or anything like that, but I do see him as somewhat of a womanizer and I will portray him in that manner.)

Note about Songs: I'm going to start every chapter with a song that I think applies to that chapter. I will explain the background of these songs.




Explanation of "Hold Her Closer": Imagine this song from Zell's POV. I always felt bad for him because everyone got a good coupling except for him. All he got was a dorky library girl. I think if I were in his situation I would feel a little envy of the rest of the group. This portrays that. It also portrays how he wouldn't want people to take their happiness for granted. Also, I have altered some of the lyrics. (In the original some of the hers were hims.)

When you see love
And you don't know what it is
You might find yourself in fear to show your heart
But when you feel it
And it's oh so wonderful
You might find yourself in fear to let it part
In fear to let it part

So hold her closer when she cries
Hold her closer when she feels she needs a hand to hold
Someone who'll never let her go again
And hold her closer when she tries
To hold the tears back from her eyes
Don't say goodbye

When your heart decides
That it's time to let it through
There's no reason to be scared to open up
Love may be blind
But all of us don't see it
So just once in your life
If you hear the knock of love just let it in

Hold her closer when she cries
Hold her closer when you know it's time to say goodbye
You hurry back to see her smile again
And hold her closer when she's down
When her world is upside down
Turn it around

So hold her closer when she cries
Hold her closer when she feels she needs a hand to hold
Someone who'll never let her go again
And hold her closer when she's down
When her world is upside down
Turn it around
Hold her close

- "Hold Her Closer" by Blessid Union of Souls



Zell sat lazily in the cafeteria. They were, yet again, out of hot dogs. Zell was beginning to think that nothing would ever come out in his favor. He couldn't even get a damn hot dog, how could he expect to get a girlfriend.
Love was the one thing that had managed to allude him his whole life. He had all the glory and hero worship he could muster. He had accomplished his goal of being a great military man like his grandfather, but what was it all worth if he didn't have anybody to share it with. Sure, the library girl liked him, and he didn't have anything against her. She was cute and nice, but she just wasn't what he was looking for.
As if Zell's loneliness wasn't bad enough he was up to his ears in happy couples. Squall and Rinoa were inseparable, Seifer and Quistis were constantly arguing, but they always said 'I love you' and kissed the problem away, Irvine's arms looked like they were surgically attached around Selphie, and of course Cid and Matron were always locked in each other's loving gaze. Even Nida and Xu had managed to get together. It wasn't like Zell wasn't happy for his friends. He was immensely happy that they were happy with each other. He loved them all so much how could he not be happy for them.
The thing that really got to him was how they all took it for granted. Since he didn't have anyone he knew the pains of it. All of his friends were so absorbed in each other they didn't even stop to consider the thought of losing the other. Zell knew that if he actually did find somebody he would want to hold on to her for the rest of his life.
The other thing that ate at him was how excluded he felt. Almost every night the couple's were together or on double dates with another couple. Where did that leave Zell? Nobody even seemed to notice that all of his nights were either spent alone in his dorm room or in the training center. They didn't even notice that the usual spring in his step had been dwindling away as depression set in. Did anybody even care? Or were they too happy to notice Zell's lack of happiness?
'Just keep putting on the show,'Zell thought,'Don't want to rain on their parade.'
Zell was snapped out of his thoughts when he saw Selphie racing towards him.
"Zelly!,"she squeaked with glee. She had to stop so suddenly that she almost fell on him.
"Whoa, Selphie, watch it there! What is it?"he asked.
"Aren't you gonna come sit with us? You've been sitting over here all by yourself looking all gloomy,"she said with a touch of sympathy in her voice.
"I don't think so,"Zell said. He really didn't feel like sitting with everybody listening to them argue about who loved who more.
"Pweeeeaaase,"Selphie pleaded. She poked out her bottom lip in an attempt to make a "puppy dog" face. Zell always thought she looked really cute when she did that.
"Okay,"he growled. He always hated that he couldn't say no to her. Even when they were small children at Matron's orphanage, if Selphie said jump, Zell asked how high. He never even understood why it was like that, he just learned to live with it.
"Yay!"Selphie exclaimed, clapping her hands together.
They made their way across the cafeteria to where everybody else was sitting. Zell plopped down between between Quistis and Squall. Selphie sat down next to Irvine across from him. Just as he predicted the arguing started. It was Squall and Rinoa this time.
"No, I love YOU more!"Rinoa squealed.
"No, I love YOU more!"Squall countered.
Zell bit his tongue to keep himself from screaming at them to shut the hell up. He felt like he was going to vomit. Seifer and Quistis were just staring at each other and Irvine and Selphie were exchanging flirtatious kisses. Zell didn't even feel like trying to act like his usual hyper self he just leaned forward with his chin on his hand and sighed as he continued to be ignored.

Selphie giggled as Irvine placed light kisses all over her face. She liked it when he focused all his attentions on her which didn't exactly happen all the time. Let's face it, Irvine was a flirt. In fact as soon as two buxom blondes walked in, Irvine's kisses stopped. Selphie sighed and let Irvine shoot his flirtatious grins toward them. She didn't like how he flirted with other girls, but she knew he wouldn't cheat on her so she didn't say anything about it. It was better than being alone, right?
She turned away from Irvine, dubbing him a lost cause as long as those blondes were in the cafeteria. Her gaze fell on Zell. She smiled. She didn't know why, but every time she looked at him she couldn't help but smile. She never told him, but she considered him her best friend. He had always been so nice to her. Even at the orphanage. She remembered that one time she fell and scraped her knee and Zell ran to her aid. He even carried her back to the orphanage. He had always been considerate like that.
She noticed, thought, that there was something different about him lately. Ever since they defeated Ultimecia he hadn't been as peppy as he usually was. She always liked how fiery he was. It reassured her that she wasn't the only one. It made her sad to see him so glum. He was currently staring at the table and rolling his eyes everytime Squall or Rinoa said 'I love you more'. She felt like she should do something to restore him to his former happiness, but she wasn't exactly sure what was wrong with him. She did have a suspiscion, though. She got her idea from the way he acted when he was around all the couples. He was probably feeling left out. She figured he felt like he was losing her friends. She hoped she was right because if she was she thought she could do something about it. She was going to try to spend some time with him so he would know that he wasn't losing his friends. She would try to get the others to do the same.

Zell looked up and saw Selphie smile at him. He slightly smiled back. Normally he would grin from ear to ear when she smiled at him, but he just didn't feel up to it this day. Her smile did make him feel better, though. It always did. Her smile could light up his whole world. He had never told her, but he saw her as his best friend.
He noticed that Irvine had stopped kissing Selphie and was now staring at two rather skanky looking blondes. He knew it was a matter of opinion, but he wouldn't have given either one of them a first glance, much less a second. It really pissed him off that Irvine could just forget Selphie was even there as soon as another girl walked in the room. It ate at him even more that Selphie just let him do it without saying anything. Zell hoped that one day Selphie would find a guy that would treat her the way she deserved.
That was one thing he had to give Squall, Seifer, and Nida credit for. They treated their girlfriends right. Even Seifer, as much as he argued with Quistis, would walk barefoot over broken glass for her. All the girls were his friends, anyway, and he would gladly kick the ass of anyone that tried to hurt them physically or emotionally. And since Selphie was his best friend, whoever hurt her would get a lot more than an ass-kicking.
"Zell, what are you doing tonight?"Selphie asked pulling him out of his thoughts again.
"I'll probably just go down to the training center and practice some,"he said.
"You go there every night, Zell. I'll tell you what why don't you come do something with me?"she asked. Zell was surprised. Someone had noticed that he hadn't been around. Zell was confused as to why he was especially glad that it was Selphie who had noticed.
"What did you have in mind?"Zell asked hesitantly.
"I don't know. Let's see...Oh! I've got it! You like astronomy right?"she asked.
"Yeah, I guess you could say I'm kind of a star gazer,"Zell answered. There was another thing he had thought nobody noticed. And again he felt a strange warmth because it was Selphie who noticed.
"Well maybe we could go down to the beach so the lights from Garden don't mess up the view and we could do a little star gazing. I heard it's supposed to be a great night for it,"she said hoping he would say yes. She kept telling herself she was doing this for Zell, but deep down she missed him. She had been spending all her time with Irvine and as great as that was it didn't beat the fun she used to have with Zell. She even missed the games of tag and hide and go seek they used to play at the orphanage.
"Hmmm...I guess so. Are you sure you don't want to spend tonight with Irvine?"Zell asked. He sorely wanted to hang out with Selphie, but he didn't want her to be there just because she felt sorry for him.
"He'll be fine on his own for one night. I miss spending time with you anyway,"she admitted. She reached over the table and put her hand on his. An odd warmth spread through her body at the contact. She couldn't explain it so she just shook it off as a best friend thing.
"Yeah, I miss it, too,"Zell said, grinning back shyly. Selphie took her hand back and decided to tell Irvine that he would be without her company that night.
"Irvy, I'm going to hang with Zell tonight. Is that okay, hon?"Selphie asked.
"Yeah, sure, whatever,"he said not even paying attention to her. He was too busy smiling and winking at the blondes. Selphie frowned. She thought that he might be a little disappointed at not having her around.
Zell frowned at this, too.
'There he goes again,'he thought,'taking love for granted.'
Selphie turned back to Zell.
"Well, I guess that settles it,"she said"How about I meet you at your room at around seven?"she asked.
"Okay, that sounds good,"Zell said. He smiled.
'Maybe things aren't so bad,'he thought,'I may not have love, but at least I have a great best friend.'


Well there's the first chapter. Pretty soon I'll have a new chapter and a new song...tell me what you think...I live off feedback.