=== I VANT TO DIRECT ===
Part 4: Shoot-Out at the Less-Than-Okay Corral
That afternoon, everyone went back to the site. Hank and Ororo had set up their tent with big plates of sliced fruit and little sandwiches for everyone. They sat down contentedly in lawn chairs under the canopy and spent the next few hours yakking about politics and watching everyone else sweat in the sun. The day was a scorcher for May --- 80 degrees. Kurt was constantly dumping water on himself and people were staying in the shade as much as they could. That was of course except for Rogue, who stood in the sun for every shot holding the boom. As far as Kurt figured it, if she were a plant, she would be a cactus. He hadn't seen her take a water break all day.
But he didn't have much time to think about Rogue, because he was almost finished setting up the saloon. This was to be Scott's "entering" scene. Kitty was standing behind the make-shift bar, pretty in pink and ready to go. Scott was ostensibly outside, waiting to swing the saloon doors open and come in. Rogue was holding the boom. Jean was behind Rogue, observing. Kurt looked through his little camera and swiveled it on the tripod. He took in Kitty, the wall with the table, and the window which looked out onto the main drag.
Scott was supposed to walk past the window so that Kurt could follow the shot from the window to the door, where the brave sheriff would walk in towards camera. Everything was set. Kurt squinted through the eyepiece and hit 'record.' And nothing happened. Scott was late. After a few more silent seconds, he began to lose his patience. Daylight was burning.
"Keety, do you see him?"
"Uh uh."
"I swear, if that boy's still got the willies after all that work he done yesterday…" Rogue began in a rather threatening tone.
"Take it easy, Rogue," Jean said.
The explosion of noise outside caught everyone off-guard. There was a lot of incoherent yelling. It sounded like there was a fist-fight going on. A mighty wind kicked up and sand blasted through the doors.
"What the---?" Kitty started.
"aaaaaaaaAAAAAAAH!"
*CRASH*
Scott went flying into the set, right through the window. His entrance was accompanied by a burst of glass shards and he landed in a graceless heap just out of shot.
"Oh my God!" Kitty screamed and ran over to him.
Kurt hit 'stop' and tried to get to his friend, but the girls were too fast. Scott was a moaning, bloodied mess, trying to shake off the head-against-glass impact in the safety of Kitty's arms. She was helping him sit up. Jean was fluttering around them with the first aid kit. Kurt couldn't even get close. The two girls were fussing over Scott and screeching like annoyed parakeets --- and they had plenty to squawk about. His clothes were ripped, his hat was gone, and he was now sporting a forehead gash that was leaking profusely.
"Scott! Vhat happened?"
"Brother … hood…" he mumbled, trying to shake off the dizziness.
"Sons-a-bitches!" Rogue yelled.
She dropped the boom mike, ripped off her gloves, and ran out into the "street." Jean handed Kitty the first aid kit and followed Rogue. Kurt ran after both of them and when they all got outside they saw every mutant on site menacing the Brotherhood, who had all shown up in uniform and were looking rather smug. Pietro, who probably threw Scott through the window with a wind gust, was looking particularly pleased with himself.
"Get lost, all a ya!" Logan snarled. "We're tryin' ta work, here!"
The claws and his definite "authority figure" posture usually got his point across with these guys, but coupled with the cowboy hat it just gave the wrong impression. The Brotherhood started laughing at him.
"Oh-please! You-guys-are-so-lame-o!" Pietro said. "We-just-showed-up-to-see-what-you-X-geeks-were-cooking-up-and-I-gotta-say… you-suck."
"Oh, like you could do any better!" Evan yelled.
Pietro snorted at him. "I-could-build-a-better-set-in-six-minutes,-Daniels! All-I'd-need-to-do-is-tear-this-one-DOWN-first! Ha! Whoooaaaa!"
He suddenly found himself twisting around and floating in the air. Jean was standing there, her hair flaring with power, levitating him. A quick peek into his thoughts told her exactly what she suspected. He'd thrown Scott through that window.
Just for that, she let the little bastard dangle for a few more seconds. Pietro was not amused.
"Put-me-down! Put-me-DOWN!"
"Oh, I live to serve, you little cockroach!" she shrieked.
She telekinetically pitched him through the center of town like a softball --- at about 90 miles an hour. His tinny scream dwindled to a *plip* as he skimmed away and hit the grass three hundred feet from the edge of the set. Pietro was not built for rough landings. The impact was too much for him and he passed out.
Jean dusted off her hands and eyed the other three boys like she was ready to kill any of them. "Nobody messes with Scott. Nobody!" she spat. "Now, who's next?"
Fred and Toad had better self-preservation instincts than Pietro. They took two steps back. Waaaaay back. Lance was the only one standing his ground. That was of course until the saloon doors swung open. Scott stumbled out, holding some gauze to his forehead and leaning heavily on Kitty.
Lance saw Kitty. Kitty saw red. She handed Scott off to Kurt and strode up to Lance in her flouncy pink dress, rolling up her delicate lace sleeves. She didn't stop marching until she was standing right in front of him, white with rage.
"Nice costume," Lance remarked, clearly eyeing her heaving bosom.
Kitty's face twisted into an angry sneer. She belted him across the face.
"Take a hike, you blockhead!"
Everyone stared at Kitty like she'd lost her mind --- including Lance, who actually put a hand to his cheek and said "Ow!" But Kitty didn't care. She put her hands on her hips and glared at him. Fred and Toad backed away again. Lance didn't move. Kitty didn't move, either. This had turned into a battle of wills. She pointed off-set and growled, "Leave." He finally did, followed by his two remaining cohorts. Everyone watched as they hopped into their jeep and drove off. They stopped for a second to pick up Pietro and zoomed away.
The set erupted in cheers. Kitty found herself atop Logan's shoulders, and everyone was yelling and waving hats. Kurt grinned. Even Scott managed a dizzy smile and a thumbs-up.
~ X ~
"Why are we doin' this, again?" Rahne asked, putting in a few more staples on the black drop cloth and wiping some sweat from her face.
"Because it's fun," Amara grunted, stapling her end. They were making a few more repairs to the Evan Hole across from the saloon.
"Fun?"
"Kviet on za set!" Kurt shouted from the saloon. They could hear him across the street.
Amara dropped to a whisper. "Yeah, fun. You remember that concept, don't you? Besides, Logan's been so distracted, we haven't had a Danger Room run in a week!"
"Oh yah. Tha's good!" Rahne whispered back. Amara got the last staple.
It had been ten minutes since the Brotherhood left and Scott was ready to act some more. Kurt readied the camera. "Okay, Scott, go!"
Scott swaggered into the saloon and with the afternoon sunlight spilling in behind him, and stopped for a second. He looked incredibly brave and sexy, if a little roughed-up. But he was still dizzy as hell. Instead of walking directly forward, he sort of weaved to the left and stumbled out of shot.
"Gott in himmel," Kurt muttered.
Kitty bit her lip. She was trying not to laugh. Jean meanwhile grabbed Scott and stopped him.
"Scott? Honey? How many fingers?" she asked, making a peace sign at him.
"Four," he said, with all the authority he could muster.
"Hoo boy," Kurt said. "Okay, Scott, I haff an idea. Let's try ziss."
Kurt could afford to waste no more time. He decided to have Kitty and Scott take their first scene from Scott on the ground. Kurt focused the camera on the air above Scott and Rogue held the boom steady.
"Okay Keety, just run into shot ant say za line."
"But Kurt, it's like totally idiotic!" Kitty complained off-camera.
"Trust me, it's okay!" he said, squinting through the eyepiece. "Just do it! Action!"
Kitty sighed. "Okay." She ran into shot, leaned over and said, "Lord! Them bandits must be givin' ya a rough time, huh, sheriff!"
"Yes ma'am, they certainly are chafing," Scott said, and picked himself up with a grunt.
Kurt kept them in a tight two-shot and Kitty began to dust him off. "Think they've come to raid the bank?"
"Why on earth would they go to the bank, Miss Tina? There ain't no money in there!"
Kitty sighed. "I know. They've made us so poor."
"Poor? More like penniless. Heck ma'am, last time they took the horses! People gotta walk everywhere in this town! This is terrible. I'm a disgrace. I should be protecting y'all, and I can't do it." Scott's Missouri non-Southwestern accent added a touch of accidental humor. His "y'all" was lousy.
"Well, you could if you had a gun."
"Yeah, well, guns have been outlawed in Sandy Gulch for a long time now. Ever since Mary stepped into the middle of that showdown."
"Poor girl. What was it? She was trying to stop her husband from killing her lover?"
"Yep. Pretty ironic outcome, if you ask me."
Kitty sniffed a little. "Yeah, well, Mary's in the graveyard, and this poor town ain't got nothing left to give. What do you think those dumb bandits have come for this time?"
Scott rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't know. Maybe our souls."
"Somehow, I doubt that," Kitty said. It was supposed to be an eerie, dramatic, "Somehow, I doubt that!" --- but Kitty had been distracted by Bandit Jamie, who was making faces at her through the now empty window frame, and she gave a flat, sarcastic, "Somehow, I doubt that."
Running on zero hours sleep, Kurt did not give a damn anymore who said what or how they said it. "And … cut! Print! Great! Beautiful job!"
"Thank Gawd!" Rogue said, putting down the mike. "That thang's been gittin' heavier n' heavier."
She plopped onto a box next to the camera and fanned herself. On Jubilee's advice, she'd exchanged her all-black ensemble for a poofy green dress, which the other girls insisted matched her eyes. It kept her covered and cooler, although not much.
Kurt turned and saw Jean, who was sitting with Scott at the table. "Hey, Jean?"
"Yeah?"
"Call Logan and za Bandits out to za main strip. I need some dramatic mayhem footage."
"Okay!"
It turned out Logan and the Bandits (bored out of their minds from losing six consecutive rounds of "Go Fish" to Jamie) were only too happy to provide some mayhem, although it wasn't dramatic in the least. Kurt turned on the camera, pointed at his cast and prayed. With the one instruction of "be insidiously evil," the Bandits had their work cut out for them. They responded by running around the main drag and yelling. Various citizens were dragged in (Jubilee was yanked in from off-screen and Amara and Rahne were ripped away from repairing the Evan hole) and forced to square dance, since the Bandits couldn't find anything suitable to destroy.
This movie was going to hell in a handbasket. And Kurt was learning a crushing truth about Logan --- it was possible for the man to look stupid. He was yelling "Dance, ladies, dance or we'll shoot ya! Bwa ha ha!" at the top of his lungs. Sam was waving his gun at the three "ladies", who were skipping around miserably, two of them holding staplers.
Everybody else was standing around watching this and trying not to laugh. It was pitiful.
"CUT!" Kurt yelled. "Okay, zat's it! Ten minute break."
"Sweet!" Roberto and Ray said together.
Everyone ran for the food tent, leaving Kurt to stand in the middle of his empty town and sigh. Rogue, who was finally sipping from a water bottle, threw an arm around her brother.
"Cheer up, Fuzz. These folks might have the common sense of a bag a' apples, but ya cain't say it ain't funny."
Kurt started laughing.
~ X ~
"Why we goin' back, yo?" Toad asked, following a fly from the back seat of the Jeep.
Lance was driving like a man on a grim mission, white-knuckling the wheel and glaring out the windshield. "Because we have a score to settle. Specifically with Miss Perfect Jean Grey." He thumbed at Pietro, who was sitting in the backseat in-between Toad and Fred, looking pretty loopy. "Ever since she knocked Pietro outta the park, he ain't been right! And I know a way to settle this with all the X-Geeks at once!"
"Lance, that don't sound like a good idea," Fred said.
"Ooooooh, pretty colors! Wheeee!" Pietro yelled drunkenly and fell forward in the seat. Toad yanked him back and put him in a seatbelt, tightly, before he could bash his head into something.
"Would you idiots relax? I have a plan."
"Ah, dat can't be good," Toad mumbled.
~ X ~
Kurt was less than enthusiastic about filming the last scene, considering it was a crowd scene and the first hadn't exactly been a raging success. Everyone else was really getting into the spirit, though. Since the townspeople were going to be ghosts in order to frighten away the Bandits, some students were passing the talcum powder and trying to get as ghostly as possible. Rogue was standing around with Kitty, getting ready to go. Amara and Rahne ran by screeching happily, throwing some talcum powder at Jubilee.
"Man, this film is like, going to hell."
"Well, I'm sure Kurt knows what he's doin'."
"Oh please, Rogue. Kurt had better be some kind of editor or this movie is like totally going to suck."
Rogue couldn't disagree.
~ X ~
The last scene didn't disappoint. Kurt had carefully mapped it out, told everyone what to do, where to stand, how to move, etc. So naturally it was a complete snafu.
Lance, Toad, and Fred were hiding beyond the rim of the set, adjusting their cowboy hats and smoothing out their jeans.
"DIS is da plan?" Toad snapped. "Ruining da freakin' movie? Man, your strategy sucks, yo!"
"I thought you said we were gonna be evil," Fred complained. "This is… We're just being annoyin', Lance. This ain't gonna get no justice for Pietro!"
All three turned and looked their fallen comrade, who was now dangling in his harness with his eyes crossed and drooling.
"We'll start by ruining the movie, and progress to flattening them," Lance said, as though he were explaining this to kindergartners.
"Ohhhhh!" Fred and Toad said, finally getting it.
"As soon as the scene starts and everybody's doing their thing, we'll sneak in and whammo! Catch 'em all by surprise!"
"Yeah!" the other two cheered.
"For Pietro?"
"For Pietro!"
"All right!"
They got ready. Back around the front of town, everyone was in position.
"Okay, stand by!" Kurt yelled. "Ant … action!"
Logan and the bandits were in the middle of the square, pretending (quite well) to be frightened, while some citizens came in trying to be ghosts. It wasn't looking that great. Only three people were covered in talcum powder, but the rest had forgotten this little detail. They were just making stupid noises and wiggling their hands. It was so bad that Rogue actually started laughing. Kurt was annoyed. He was also exhausted and out of ideas. With a sigh, he looked through the eyepiece and re-focused the camera.
And that was when it happened.
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!"
Lance, Blob and Toad came charging into the scene, making faces and dancing around like idiots.
"Oh, that's IT!" Scott yelled off-camera.
Kurt heard retreating footsteps (Scott running around behind him) and then approaching stomps and an ear-splitting roar.
Let it be known that the "brave sheriff" threw the first piece of fruit. It was a banana, and it hit Lance in the face. Pretty soon the whole "town" was grabbing any food they could get their hands on and throwing it at the Brotherhood. Logan and the Bandits, caught in the middle, wisely pretended that the fruit was being thrown at them, while attempting to get the invaders off the set. Ororo and Hank, who had spent most of the day cutting up fruit, were dismayed to see where their hard work was going. In a few seconds, it was flying everywhere.
"FOOD FIGHT!" Ray hollered.
"Aaaah!" Jean war-cried. She hurled some orange slices at Lance. But her aim was off and she hit a Bandit Jamie, who was standing on the 2nd story balcony. Kurt, by lucky accident, caught the Jamie being hit by the fruit. The copy put his hand to his heart, pretended to die, and fell off the balcony out of shot, only to evaporate on the sand below.
More chaos. More fruit. More yelling. (Evan gave some particularly manly roars.) This went on until Lance saw Scott put his hands to his glasses and charge up. And that was when he realized that nobody in his little attacking horde was wearing their armor.
"Ah, crap! RETREAT!"
The Brotherhood fled. There was no time to attack, as Logan and the Bandits had them on the run. The other Institute students ran after them and didn't stop running until all the "Bandits" (including Logan and his brood) had exited the set. Kurt was wheezing. He'd run into the fray with his camera and caught it all.
He panned along his exhausted cast, covered in fruit, and got in close on Scott. There was a brief pause.
"Yeeee-aaaaah!" Scott yelled, jumping up and waving his hat, and the others joined him in spontaneous celebration. They even lifted him on their shoulders.
Kurt got this, too. He let them go on celebrating for a bit, and then he hit "stop" and whistled to get everyone's attention.
"Everybody, I tank you for your time. Ant believe it or not … zat's a wrap!"
~ Wanna see if it all comes together? Then check out Part 5: The Legend of Sandy Gulch. Coming soon to a computer screen near you! ~
