Chapter Eight: Masked Darkness

(A/N A treat for all my great readers. Two chapters in one day!!! Once again, Lucia has a life of her own and practically writes her own story.)

Draco's soul felt sick. He couldn't keep reading; he had to leave this room that suddenly had seemed darker and colder. His mind raced, trying to absorb what had happened to his sister. He knew the end, but had never experienced the entire journey. He wasn't done yet, but knew that for tonight he was done traveling the path of Lucia's life.

*~*~*

It was a few days before he felt able to return, and continue reading the private, innermost confessions of the Malfoy firstborn.

*~*~*

Dear Diary,

I have spent most of this summer alone. I think Father, Mother and Draco have been home for less than 5 days the entire time. Not that I care. In fact, I relish the freedom. Especially in the library.

I made a discovery today. On the top shelf of the highest bookshelf I found something Father must pretend we don't have, if he even knows of its existence. I found Muggle books! I know, it's amazing! Muggle books in a pureblood library! I actually don't think Father could know about them, because he would have destroyed anything remotely connected with such things. I'm glad he didn't.

I've been reading them all day. Most of them are by Muggle poets, with names such a Wordsworth, Shelley, Dickens, and many others. I really like this Muggle-stuff. It's surprisingly good. I would never have though Muggles capable of such work.

I like one poet particularly. Her name is Emily Jane Bronte. Her poems really remind me of my own life. I think I'm going to try to write poems.

Here's my favourite poem, by Emily Bronte:

Riches I hold in light esteem
And Love I laugh to scorn
And lust of Fame was but a dream
That vanished with the morn -

And if pray, the only prayer
That moves my lips for me
Is - 'Leave the heart that now I bear
And give me liberty.'

Yes, as my swift days near their goal
'Tis all that I implore -
Through life and death, a chainless soul
With courage to endure!

I wish I could be a "chainless soul", and be free. But I doubt that will ever happen. I am a Malfoy, and because of this I will be expected to marry well, and have many children. Hopefully male children, to carry on the tradition. I hope I never have daughters, because I wouldn't wish my fate on anyone.

Lucia

*~*~*

Dear Diary,

Today, I made myself a mask. Well, not an actual mask, but it might as well be. For my birthday, Mother sent me a makeup kit. Mostly full of childish colours: purples, pinks and blues. But, it also had black eyeliner, and black mascara. When I use that, my eyes seem dark and deadly. I spent hours in front of the mirror, working on what I call my "death glare". I think it is very good. Especially with darkness around my silver bullet eyes.

The only problem with this was them I seemed colourless. So, I found some dark auburn lipstick, and used it. With that last adjustment, my mask was complete. I don't look like an innocent, pretty girl. I look older, harder, and dangerous. Which is how I wanted to look.

This mask will make it impossible for people to mistake who I am. A powerful force to be reckoned with, a Malfoy. I may hate my father, but I am proud of my heritage. Probably because of Father, and his lessons when I was young. Try as I might, I still fall under his power. But now I feel, and look, tougher and stronger. I'm not a little girl anymore. I have a woman's body and mind. I don't think I've really been allowed to be a child since my brother was born. Or, as I like to call it, my own personal Doomsday.

Lucia

*~*~*

Dear Diary,

I was looking over the last entry, and wished to explain in more depth the final comments, about Draco's birth being my Doomsday. I love my brother, more than he will ever know. And I know he doesn't have it all that easy. He may be the favourite child, but he is also a boy. This means more is expected of him than ever was of me. But, while what I achieve goes all but unnoticed, Draco's achievements will be proclaimed for all to see, if they are good. I hope for his life that they are good.

Poor little ferret. I wonder if he even knows what's in store for him?

Lucia

*~*~*

Draco felt unexpected tears cloud his eyes. It was a shock, for he was never one to cry. He had been taught from early on that crying was weakness, especially in one such as himself. A Malfoy, and male. But reading his sister's declaration of love, and finally finding someone who understood what his life was such a powerful thing. He wished desperately that he had known Lucia more. He wished that he had someway of learning about her other than in her writing. He wished that she were still alive.

*~*~*

Dear Diary,

Well, I'm on the Hogwarts Express once again. Since I have already read far into my texts and triple-checked all my homework, I finally found time to work on my budding poetry. Most of what I wrote this summer was trash, but this one seems pretty good. What do you think, dearest of diaries?

Here and now, I feel that I'm embracing freedom,
Even though I may be alone, but that's ok

Through the darkness I would walk in the streets,
Confessions never seemed to provide me with release,
But nothing could separate this burdened mind from me.

Absence is never the answer, I know, But it serves as my shade,
My world will never change.

A bit depressing at the end, but realistic. I hate my situation, yet I know I'm trapped in it.

I know it doesn't rhyme, but I like it. I prefer free verse for my own writing. It gives me the freedom denied by everything else.

Lucia

*~*~*

Dear Diary,

Well, this school year looks like it might be somewhat interesting. As expected, I am a Slytherin prefect, along with Loki. We had our first meeting today. The Head Boy is Gryffindor, the Head Girl is Ravenclaw. Not much support there. But it doesn't really matter. Slytherin is the most feared and powerful house anyways.

I spent most of the meeting practicing my "death glare" on the new Gryffindor prefects, Weasley and Daniels of course. Very entertaining.

After the meeting, which was just to deal with assigning shifts and areas and all that boring prefect stuff, I walked back with Bartleby. He seems to be very appreciative of my mask. I mean, he used to look before, but now he's leering, and forgetting about all the other girls, even those that practically throw themselves at him.

This could be an interesting development.

Lucia

*~*~*

Dear Diary,

Bartleby and I have been out terrorizing the younger students. It was SO fun. We've been doing that more and more often. It's the best way to keep them in check, and have Slytherin reign supreme. After all, we don't have a shot at the Quidditch Cup anymore, not with Charlie Weasley playing like he is. As much as it pains me to admit it, Weasel's brother is quite good. I found myself watching the latest match, and he was rather impressive. Too bad his family has such a poor reputation that he was placed in Gryffindor. Slytherin could use such a player.

But, as it is, we'll just have to get our kicks out of ruling the school through tyranny. Which, for myself, is certainly more entertaining than beating them on the Pitch. Granted, it is rather cruel, but Slytherin is supreme, and the other houses need to recognize it.

Lucia

*~*~*

Dear Diary,

Today is my sixteenth birthday. Surprisingly enough, Father actually sent me a present. A small silver dagger, which apparently is an heirloom of the Malfoy family. It's perfect for cutting in potions class, because it is more precise than the school equipment. I wonder why Father sent it to me, rather than saving it for Draco?

Lucia

*~*~*

Dear Diary,

My relationship with Bartleby Jacobi has reached a new step. He kissed me today, and tried to go farther, but I stopped him. And told him that if he wanted to get anything from me, he had to do something first. Become Head Boy. I wonder if he'll do it?

Lucia

*~*~*

Dear Diary,

I have to apologize for the shortness of my latest entries. I've been really throwing myself into my schoolwork this year. I don't know why, expect that I want dominance over Weasley. I finally am beating him in every subject, except McGonagall's. I also have been continuing to work on my poems. I have a new one that I'm have been writing for the past week. I think that when it's done, I'll write it nicely on parchment, and put that parchment in here. Then I can take it out and work on it later, if I want to.

*~*~*

(On a piece of parchment)

Passion chokes the flower, Until she cries for more, Possessing all the beauty, Hungry still for more.

Heaven holds a sense of wonder, And I wanted to believe, That I'd get caught up

When the rage in me subsides. In this white wave I am sinking, In this silence.

Give me release, Witness me, I am outside, Give me peace.

*~*~*

Dear Diary,

Another year has come to an end. It was an interesting year. I left behind past things: playing foolish pranks, keeping rumors alive, socializing with those in the younger years, and even the stupid girls in my year. Now I stick with Bartleby, and hope that next year he becomes Head Boy. I don't know what I'll be to him next year, though it will be more than just another whore.

I'm glad to be going home. It's easier to think there, in solitude. I have found myself to be getting very dark. You may have not noticed it in my small entries, but others have. Even Dumbledore noticed. I have been isolating myself, and concerned only with work. I don't know whether this is a good or a bad thing. The Headmaster seemed to think it horrible, but then again I never much cared for his opinion anyways.

This summer I know I have a lot of things to think about and work out. I'll tell you when I do.

Lucia

(A/N Sorry, no ending with Draco this time. Mentioned more of him than usual at the beginning. Anyways, sorry again for the delay. Hopefully this double douse of updates will make up for it. And, we're nearing the most important chapters of this story, and Lucia's life. Also, I hope you all noticed that this chapter contained the first admission that Lucia will die.

I'd like to take a moment here to tell of my sources for the poems. The first poem is indeed by Emily Bronte, author of Wuthering Heights, a very good book that I highly suggest reading. Lucia's two poems are re-workings by me of lyrics from the group Delerium. The first poem is from "A Poem for Bysantium", featured on the album Poem, and the second one is from "Silence", on the album Karma. I will have many more poems that are actually song lyrics, because many of these songs inspired Lucia's story, and also capture her darkness more than I am able to, or want to. Lucia is such a powerful character that sometimes it is hard not to be drawn into her, but I'm not her and don't want to be. So by using these lyrics I think I will be able to keep some distance. Plus, being not nearly as dark as she is, I don't think my poetry would be as believable.

Anyways, I realize this chapter was posted before many of my return reviewers had a chance to review, which is why I only have one person to thank at the end of this chapter. Darcel, I hope you get into college, I'm sure you can do it. But, I hope none of you mind that I don't say what university I'm going to. I like to keep any identifying information off the Internet. Any, as for Lucia and Bill, just wait and see.)