*****

"…got to launder my karma…"

"Battleflag"

When Ryan got up for school the next day, Sandy was sitting in the pool house when he returned from the shower.

"Am I in trouble?"

"We haven't had a chance to talk lately."

"Yeah? About what?"

"How're you doing, Ryan?"

"Fine. Everything's cool."

"Kirsten said you ran into an old friend the other day…" Sandy began.

Ryan sighed. "Gloria was never exactly a friend."

"But you…"

"What do you want me to say, Sandy? What are you asking me?"

Sandy sighed. "She said that you were pretty upset to see her. That she knew your mother. Can you tell me about her?"

"I was pretty upset. Gloria…she was a friend of my mother's. We had a relationship. Not even a relationship." Ryan met his gaze evenly. "We had sex a lot."

Sandy nodded silently. "She's older than you."

"Yeah."

"Ryan…this is pretty uncomfortable but…how 'experienced' are you?"

"Why are you asking me all this?" Ryan replied.

"Because you're sixteen years old. The woman at the mall was at least…"

"She's thirty now, probably. She was twenty-eight when we were together. What does it matter?"

"Ryan…in a court of law, that's considered sexual abuse…" Sandy said quietly.

"It was voluntary," Ryan replied.

"And from a health perspective…if you've had multiple partners…"

"I get tested every three months, Sandy. I'm not stupid. I always use protection. The health department has my records down in Chino," Ryan interrupted.

Sandy was surprised at Ryan's honest answer. The boy was clearly uncomfortable but his honesty was refreshing. Sandy wanted to bring up the subject of the cocaine use that the older woman had mentioned but the conversation had taken a different turn.

"I lost my virginity when I was thirteen. I've never had a girlfriend before Marissa but I've had a lot of girls," Ryan stated quickly.

"How many, Ryan?"

"A lot. I didn't keep a count. It was just something to do."

"Sex isn't just something to do, Ryan," Sandy said quietly.

"I know. I know that now. Its just…things were different then…it was a different time," Ryan replied.

"You said Gloria was a friend of your mother's. Did your mother know?"

"Yeah. As soon as she found my condoms, she started turning her friends onto me," Ryan muttered. Sandy visibly recoiled from Ryan's statement.

"What?"

"It wasn't like that, Sandy…" Ryan said, seeing Sandy's reaction.

"Ryan, that is wrong in so many ways…"

"It's in the past. It wasn't a big deal. It's not a big deal."

"It is a big deal," Sandy replied. Ryan lowered his eyes. "You're not in trouble, Ryan, but as your…I'm like your father now and I need to know things like this…"

"But it changes what you think of me," Ryan interrupted. "You're looking at me now like I'm some kind of freak…"

"You're not a freak, Ryan. I think I understand you better now that I know more about your past."

"It doesn't matter. It's in the past. I'm not like that anymore."

"You and Marissa, you guys…you guys have a sexual relationship, don't you?" Sandy asked delicately.

He nodded slightly.

"And your past, it doesn't affect it at all?"

Ryan's eyes grew distant. He opened his mouth to speak, but stopped.

"Ryan?"

"She…I can't look at her. Like…I don't know what's wrong with me…but I just can't look at her…"

"What do you mean, Ryan?" Sandy asked quietly.

Ryan wouldn't look at Sandy as he replied. "Like in her eyes…I can't do it. Sex is like…I don't really enjoy it, I'm just good at it…it makes her so happy but…it's never meant anything to me. It's just not a big deal, you know? It's just something to do."

Sandy nodded slowly, startled by Ryan's confession. "You just said a lot, Ryan. You said that you don't enjoy it."

Ryan put his hand over his face, affected.

"Ryan, you can talk to me. We should talk about this and see how to fix it…"

"I need fixing now? I'm officially broken or something?" Ryan snapped. His face fell immediately, apologetic.

"No, Ryan, that's not what I meant."

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm trying here. I should stop considering your reaction so far," Ryan replied.

"I want to help…"

"Before Kirsten saw Gloria yesterday, I didn't need any help. It sucks that it's changed just like that."

"Ryan. We were concerned that you had been abused before yesterday…"

Ryan stood up, his face cold. "This is over. This is done. I am not having this conversation."

"Ryan…"

"No. It's over now. You got what you wanted. I'm done." Ryan grabbed his jacket and his backpack and walked out of the pool house before Sandy could get to his feet.

"Dude…" Seth was standing on the patio, on his way to the pool house.

"I'm leaving. I'll walk to school…" Ryan said, his face red with emotion.

"Wait, meet me at the car, I'm ready," Seth said immediately, sensing the urgency. Ryan nodded, distracted and disappeared around the house.

Sandy appeared, clearly upset and looked at his son with a question on his face.

"No. I don't care. I'm going with Ryan. I'm not getting involved," Seth said. He followed Ryan's path to the car and Sandy heard them pull away.

*****

Ryan wouldn't speak all the way to school. Seth parked the car and turned to him. "Dude. Are you going to tell me what's eating you?

"Your dad is flipping on me," Ryan stated suddenly. "It's always been cool between us, he's respected me and treated me like a normal kid…but now…after your mom told him how old Gloria was, he's totally flipping on me…"

"Like how?" Seth asked quietly.

"Like saying I was abused and shit…just because I was, like, fourteen and she was twenty-eight…I can't believe I told him that…I should have fucking lied…" Ryan muttered.

"You hate lying. You totally suck at it. You would have regretted that even more. I'm sorry about my Dad, dude, I didn't think he would flip like that. But…in his defense…we don't know anything about you."

"But at least when you find stuff out about me, it doesn't change the way you look at me, that's why I feel like I can tell you stuff," Ryan replied honestly. "Like yesterday when you were all proud of me for fucking Gloria, as soon as I told you I didn't want to talk about it, you like, understood that it was harsh and you dropped it."

Seth was surprised at the bond that Ryan had expressed to him. He knew that he trusted Ryan unconditionally, but he had no idea that Ryan felt the same way.

"But your dad…he just kept picking at it until he got me to say something that made me look all fucking demented…" Ryan continued.

"He's a lawyer. He's trained to interrogate people. It's all he knows."

Marissa knocked on Ryan's window and they both jumped in surprise.

"What's going on?" She asked and leaned in for a kiss.

Seth watched them with interest as all of Ryan's previous emotion drained from his face as he returned his girlfriend's kiss. When they separated, Seth couldn't see a trace of their intense conversation.

"You guys coming inside?" Marissa asked, oblivious.

"Yeah. Of course," Ryan replied and opened his door. He linked arms with Marissa and waited for Seth to join them.

*****