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He knew it right then and there. He simply knew it - like a bird that knows all the mechanics of flying and a fish that knows all the intricate details of swimming. He knew with a certainty beyond anything that it was neither charm nor attraction he felt for Irulan. Nor was it interest, intrigue or mere passion. Oh no...oh no...far from it! And how he did not see it before, was a miracle in itself. It was so obvious! When Legolas finally released her lips to taste the skin of her cheeks and her neck in a lazy, slow pace, how much time had passed, neither did know. It mattered little. Here, in these hills that shimmered with the past, "time" was only a word. But he had changed. He had grown.
He sighed and with a final kiss on her neck, moved up to place his forehead on her temple, inhaling her incredible scent and her invigorating warmth. "A fool! A fool I am, Irulan!" he whispered as his hand cupped her opposite cheek and pulled her closer to himself. He chuckled softly, almost bitterly. "A fool." He planted another kiss on her cheek, then resumed his pose, feeling her quickened pulse beating into his forehead and his fingers that rested on her neck.
Irulan had no idea what to say. Neither did she know what to think. Even less did she know what she felt. Many moments passed in that state of perfect confusion and the daze only broke when Legolas sighed softly, then retrieved his hand from the crook of her neck to pull her even closer by the waist, embracing her tightly in that entwined state.
Her hands grasped his arm and Irulan tried once more to return to the present. The sirens of her mind sang and sang and she looked over the rim of her ship as they swam like smoke in the dark waters, dancing an entrancing dance, calling for her to leave it all and jump. And how she wanted to jump! To dive into the cool waves and join them in their ethereal and eternal existence.
"What...did you do?" she managed to choke out, certain that it was a spell. A curse. A mind-trap. An illusion. Anything...anything but a kiss!
He did not answer right away and her heart pulsed in her ears, the blood in her face warm as if she had been under the sun for many hours. "What I should have done the moment I met you."
Many more minutes passed. The trees above them sang, the clouds in the sky glided away, people in the villages down below turned off their lights and gave in to slumber. Irulan remained in his embrace, the chill and darkness of the night completely forgotten. Still the sirens sang and still she dug her fingers into the wooden rim of her vessel, refraining from giving in. Even though his embrace seeped through her spirit like water seeping through earth and pushed everything aside and away.
The incredible shock of the kiss slowly faded away with the peace and satisfaction that were pulsing out from the elf - so evident, that she was baffled by their depth. It tore away her confusion, alarm and hesitation and Irulan, against all resistance, began to relax. His hands stroked her arm and her back gently and skillfully, and try as she might, she had no strength to undo what he was doing. Relief washed over her with persistence and finally with absolute victory.
When Legolas pulled away to look down at her, it was as if they had been standing like that for days and their intimacy was the most natural of things. As if the man and the woman who barely knew each other had disappeared and miraculously replaced by another couple - a couple that stretched back years and perhaps decades. A couple where each knew the other as good as any person could know another. A couple that had shared all there was to share in life and only yearned to do it all over again. And again. And again.
His fingers touched her cheek and she swallowed softly, her gaze fixed on his blue eyes. Her hands on his arm gained a softer hold on it as Legolas continued to brush away the hair from her forehead. 'Where is the embarrassment?' Irulan thought, mildly surprised. No embarrassment. It was the most natural thing...why did she think merely minutes ago that it should be embarrassing?
He leaned back then, his fingers gliding down her cheeks. A wide smile was on his perfect lips and his eyes were pools of clear, blue water. He sighed for the third time and watched her expression that held surprise and unease. She was so fabulous in this state - flushed, surprised, timid! He cupped her face and kissed her cheek heartily, his heart bouncing in his chest with pure joy as his chuckles turned into laughter a moment later.
"What....is it?" the woman said finally, her unease giving in to amusement at that unbelievable sound. Who, on earth, could remain tense and stressed while an elf laughed?
"Irulan," he said slowly, locking eyes with her again, "be with me."
She broke into a smile. "I am with you," she said, not in understanding of his words.
"No," he whispered, a small but rather grave smile adorning his own lips, "BE with me. Be my lover."
She froze then and she looked at him for quite a while as Legolas did not cease his caress of her skin. "I told you that I need time," she managed to choke out finally, feeling somewhat exposed. "Merely a day has passed since you asked."
Legolas smiled slowly and said nothing for a moment or two. "A century has passed, to me," was the husky reply. He watched her open and close her mouth several times, in obvious attempt to refuse, and found an almost agonizing joy at her realization that she had no reason to object. "I want to hear it. Say it, Irulan."
She remained silent. Now this was very scary. Sure...she could have intimacy with Legolas while they were on this crazy trip. And a kiss would fit into that intimacy perfectly. But she had always thought that it would end when they returned to England. A wonderful, eccentric and exciting experience it would remain. All this talk about the coming future and his requests for her to leave New York...this was serious. VERY serious.
He leaned in further, standing nose to nose with her. "Say it," he whispered again, his eyes glued to hers.
"Legolas," she began cautiously, "I will not lie. I fear this. I fear you."
He smiled again, but did not move away. "You have feared enough for this lifetime," he said, his fingers gliding over her cheek. She stared back at him. Indeed...how right he was! "Say it," he added with a murmur.
Irulan pursed her lips and tried to think really hard. 'Why not?' was the only sentence that came to her mind, though at this moment she wished for rather discouraging things to occur to her. 'Why the hell not?' Other than the fact that she was not a person of commitment. And being with an elf...hell, being with LEGOLAS was, no doubt, a commitment – it was obvious that he was an extremely demanding man. He would never let her stray off and have a separate life somewhere else. He had said so, did he not? A relationship meant being together.
Her lips twisted bitterly and she gave him a long, sad look. "Do we really have a say in things, Legolas?" was her sudden, surprising question. A deep breath followed as Irulan gazed towards the dark and silent hills. "Do you think we have a choice?"
He did not answer right away. But when he spoke, his voice had an intensity to it. "I do not know. But know this – if I had a say, my wish would not be different." He leaned in to kiss her cheek again. And then again. And once more, before he enfolded her in a loose embrace.
"If it is my WISH you are asking," was her reluctant response, "Yes, I wish to be with you."
A long moment passed and Legolas remained so silent that she heard her own heart beating with a hasty rhythm and the soft whisper of her own breath. Something shifted between them and a strange sensation came over her. It took her a moment to adjust to its intensity, for if her own sentiments were air, this was water – dense and tangible. An unexpected pang of joy flew through her and Irulan gasped despite herself, flinching slightly with that. So strong it was, that one could plant the world with it, and end up having some left. It was a merry dance of hope and excitement; the waltz of passion and tender care; the ballet of glee and surprise. Irulan stared at him, dumfounded as his emotions lashed out of his control and like wild horses running to their freedom, flew from the confinement of his spirit as a fabulous aura.
Legolas leaned his forehead on hers, closing his eyes and finally, with much effort on his behalf, the feeling subsided, folded, and became something different. Peace came - gentle and natural...like shadows appearing with twilight. An incredible relief she sensed, and serenity...the satisfaction of a completed task. Irulan, too, closed her eyes, letting it wash over her and claim her psyche. And that seemed to be a better thing to do than fighting or fearing it. It enveloped her like skin covers flesh and became her own. She took a deep breath as all else was washed away. This tranquility was beyond anything and she wished nothing more than to remain in its fold. The awe of making any person feel like this blinked somewhere in the farthest corners of her mind that felt numb with the settling peace. Her! Irulan! What strange world was this where a simple, ordinary woman like herself could touch the heart of a fabulous man like Legolas in this devastating manner?
It ended too soon. The elf slowly but steadily re-gained the control of his sentiments, so the serenity became less and less, and finally faded away. Her eyes fluttered open, and she found him looking down at her. He smiled and kissed her forehead again as deep disappointment took hold of her heart and the wish to return to that state of quiet and calmness burned in her. But his elven shield was up again (it was a miracle that it had fallen like that, in the first place) and for now, further passage through that wondrous garden was beyond her.
"That is a wish I can fulfill," he whispered finally with the last remnants of relief. His hands glided around her waist and he pulled her even closer, molding her to himself, and Irulan slowly embraced his shoulders. Once again, things were not proceeding, but jumping ahead in giant leaps. Two days now and she was already in Legolas' arms, subject to his kisses and as from minutes ago, officially his lover! 'And I thought everything with elves happened slow and gentle!' she sighed mentally. Well maybe with normal elves it did. As she had come to realize, Legolas was no normal elf. And less so with every day.
Legolas ignored the bafflement that emanated from her and continued caressing her back. Moments ago, this had been a very attractive woman whom he had been courting and who had agreed to be his lover. That, no doubt, was a wonderful phenomenon. But barely moments after that.....she was not that woman any longer. Here was a woman he was utterly, fiercely and absolutely in love with. She was his savior. His pillar of strength. His object of adoration. Master to his heart and equal to his soul.
How the mechanics of love worked, he did not know and had no interest in knowing. For, unlike humans, elves were not fond of dissecting their sentiments. Was a human being the mere combination of blood, cells, DNA, tissues and hormones? Only a fool would think that. Long ago Legolas had sat by an eccentric DaVinci and watched him work with the patience only an elf could muster. He had watched the man's sentiments gaining color and stroke, the invisible becoming visible on the canvas. From dusk till dawn he had watched, for days and weeks. And yet…it was too fast for his eyes. Too elusive for his senses. Too cunning for his mind. What this master artist saw, sensed and translated had been beyond him. And he had been cursed to seek it for all times.
Until now. Because now that very something that he had chased year in and year out, had found its way into his arms. And it was far more beautiful than anything DaVinci had ever created.
Though they both had been oblivious to it, an astonishing amount of time had passed when Legolas finally pulled her up by the hand and kissed her palm, his eyes glued to hers. The night had not changed at all - except perhaps grown a little colder and most of the village lights had faded away. She shook again with a soft tremble. They had been sitting all this time and the cold had worked its way into her bones. A frown settled on the elf's face as he watched her.
"You are cold," he said with a baffled expression. His surprise was not due to her state, but rather to the fact that he had completely forgotten and ignored it.
"A little," lied Irulan, her teeth clattering and her figure shaking slightly against all control.
His face hardened with his silent scolding of his own stupidity. In a fluid manner he began to take off his coat when Irulan intervened: "No, Legolas! I am fine! I'll be warmer once we begin to walk."
"Forgive me," he replied, her objections bouncing off his alarm, "it is not like me to forget." He covered her shoulders with it, arranging the clothing on her as Irulan opened her mouth, but was cut off: "I do not feel it, Irulan. Neither will I get ill. But you might." He cupped her cheeks to look into her eyes that were watering with the prevailing wind. "Come," he added with haste, embracing her waist and striding back, "let us be swift."
Irulan, hardly able to walk with this much weight and bulk on her, tried her best to keep up and not to think of how numb her hands felt. The way back seemed so much longer and when they finally arrived at the vehicle, Legolas opened the door, removed his coat from her shoulders and placed it like a blanket on her once she was seated. He closed the door and walked around to take his own place. Immediately he turned on the heater and took another look at Irulan, who felt like a little child amongst the layers of heavy fabric. "I am all right," she said and found a napkin from her jacket pocket, wiping her nose with it.
The elf did not answer but his annoyance at his own disregard was evident on his face as he moved the car and turned around to drive to the pension. For a while none spoke and the only sound was her sniffing that seemed to increase with the warmth in the vehicle. Irulan, rather irritated at her own human weakness and certain that it must be somewhat disgusting in the eyes of an elf, tried to be as quiet as possible. Upon receiving a string of worried glances from him she finally moaned in protest: "Stop acting like it's the end of the world, Legolas! I was not aware of the cold, either."
Instantly a slow smile built up on his lips and he gave her a long look before he turned back to the road. His hand reached up to her and Irulan held it as he gently squeezed her fingers. "Tonight, I am the happiest man of all," he said quietly as she watched his handsome profile with disbelief. "You shall never regret this day, Irulan," he said gently and glanced at her once more.
Neither knew yet that Irulan would regret it. Deeply.
She sniffed some more, then let go of his hand as he changed gears and the first residences of the town appeared before them. "Does this mean that the courting is over?" she laughed suddenly. Seldom had Irulan felt this excited and happy at the same time. A new life lay before her and it held everything that she had always hoped for!
He gave her a surprised glance and grinned as her laughter continued. "Of course not!" he said slyly. "It has just begun!"
She sniffed and moaned with mock frustration. "Has ANYBODY ever managed to resist this courting thing in the history of mankind?!"
"No one to my knowledge," was his curt and amused response.
Their cheeky argument continued for the short time it took them to arrive at the pension where Legolas pulled her out and adjusted the coat on her again, then guided her in. He had stayed with her yesterday in Paris, yes, but that had been due to her recent Sharing experience. At least that had been the excuse. But today he had demanded two rooms from the old couple that owned this place. Though he wished nothing more than remain with her through the night, Legolas would never cross the line without consent. No elf would. At least not while he still had sense in him.
Once in her room that held a small and already lighted fireplace, Irulan felt already much better. Not to mention, very tired. She peeled off her outer garments, then changed into her pajamas as the elf disappeared to find some hot tea. Irulan waited, seated in front of the fireplace, a blanket on her shoulders. She stretched her numb fingers and held them closer to the dancing flames.
A moment passed. Then another. An eerie feeling came onto her, crawling up slyly and timidly. Like a shadow that falls on you while you are busy doing some other deed, it fell on her psyche and she resisted the urge to lift up her head and look around. 'There is no other in this room with me. I KNOW that!' she thought sharply and kept her gaze ahead. True to her expectations, nothing happened. But the shadow did not lift. She shifted and sat back, the comfort from a moment ago, gone. Another moment passed as Irulan tried to understand why that was. She dug and dug, her mental focus sharp with the alarm that seemed to have sprung forth for no particular reason at all. "Don't be silly!" she said out loud, hoping that the sound of her own voice would help to convince her. "Everything is all right. Legolas will be back in a moment. Tomorrow you will be in Vienna. What the hell is the matter with you?!"
Nothing but utter silence came in reply. Silence - except for the cackling sound of the fire. And then her mind knew instantly the source of the tension and a second after that Irulan was on her feet, grasping the blanket that hung from her shoulders and two steps away from the fireplace. She stood there for a short while, swallowing softly while the feeling of cold deserted her completely. "Enough, Irulan!" she hissed to herself. "Don't be childish! There is nothing to fear."
A slight tremble came over her and she had come to fear and hate it. Intimidation turned into a fin, drawing lazy, large circles around as she tried to keep herself from sinking into the deep, dark waters. She ignored the painful beating of her heart and hastily turned her back to the fire, now trembling even stronger. "Enough!" she said again, but the decisive edge was gone. It sounded more like whining than anything else at the moment. The fear was irrational. Even foolish. And yet it was there, and refused to desert her although her senses told her over and over again that there was no one and nothing in this room with her.
"It is the Sharing. It is only an after-effect. It is in your mind, stupid woman!" she said, her voice shaky. And yet, her heart paced even faster and faster and when the faintest shadow of pain glimmered in the horizon, Irulan gave up the denial. It was real! Panic came over her with the anticipation of the pain that seemed inevitable now. She would burn again! Her lungs shrank into nothing as she tried to take deep gasps of breath, but failed pathetically.
Without a second thought she turned to the door, ripped it open and ran out. In the corridor a momentary relief bloomed in her. The room was behind her now. As were the...the.....
"The flames," whispered an amused Joan of Arc in her head and it was enough to make her walk down the deserted, dim corridor with large steps. She did not halt or look when she arrived at the bottom of the stairs and hastily walked out the door, right into the blowing cold. Irulan felt no cold at the moment and cherished the open, hoping that it would help her draw breath again.
She took another step, heaving with the effort. Then another, since the cold asphalt beneath her feet felt very comforting. The wind tore at her long blanket and her free hair, snuggling through her pajamas and licking her overheated skin. And it was a welcome feeling. She was about to discard the blanket entirely to cherish the chilly air when hands landed on hers and prevented the motion. Irulan jumped with the unexpected touch and would have cried out if she had the breath for it. Legolas appeared before her an instant later, looming over her, a very intimidating expression on his face.
She froze at his sight, feeling many things at once. First there was the shock of his sudden appearance and with it came an almost instantaneous relief and the undeniable feeling of salvation. About five seconds after staring into this piercing blue look, both sentiments dwindled into a very strong shame. She swallowed softly as the look of alarm and worry on his face deepened and Legolas grasped her chin, pulling up her face. A gust of wind blew their hair to the left as his eyes bore into hers and she became very conscious of the fact that she was standing in the open, barefoot and with her pajamas. That certainly was not good. Not good at all. Because she looked five years old - not the mature and independent woman she wanted to appear to him.
"What are you doing?" he said finally, his voice steely and alarmed at the same time. "What happened?"
Irulan shook her head heftily. "Nothing!" she croaked. Then again: "Nothing." Her hands enclosed on his in an attempt to pull it away but Legolas would have none of it. He stepped closer to her, his other hand grasping her elbow.
"Tell me why you are out here. Now, Irulan!"
The demand and the command in his tone was heavy, but she found nothing to say. It sounded so foolish now and not half as real as it had been moments ago. She shook her head again and instead of an answer, leaned into this chest. Legolas hesitated for another moment, then embraced her as Irulan exhaled with relief and leaned further in, grasping the front of his shirt with both hands and closing her eyes. He did not move until the wind blew from the other direction and reminded them both of their state. Then Irulan felt herself being picked up and carried back to the pension. Her first reaction was to attempt to release herself from his arms, but the elf only grasped her stronger when she stirred. He did not say anything and his face was sharp and unreadable.
They passed by the old woman who held the prepared tea in her hand, watching them with shock and alarm. She asked something in German and Legolas replied without hesitation, but did not halt as he moved up the stairs. Irulan gave up trying when the woman followed them with small and hasty steps and she feared to ask him to lower her down while the elf looked as he did at the moment. So she kept still as he walked into the room and waited by the bed and the woman pulled the covers away, Legolas then lay her down, pulling them over her once more. They exchanged a few more sentences and the owner of the pension finally left, squeezing Irulan's hand and pointing out the tea while she added a few more words in German.
Irulan sank under the covers as the elf's gaze remained plastered on her face. The door clicked shut and his expression did not change at all as Irulan sank even deeper, pulling the heavy sheet up to her nose. They gazed at each other for a moment or two before she mumbled: "Am I going mad, Legolas?"
He exhaled loudly and finally his face lost some of its blankness as he slowly sank to sit close to her. "No," he whispered a moment later, then pulled the cover down and cupped her face, giving her a long look. "No. You will be fine."
Irulan nodded with dismay and took a shaky breath. Her next question was perhaps a more frightening one on her behalf: "Am I too weak?"
The elf blinked before his eyebrows rose. "Weak?" he said slowly with slight disbelief. "No. On the contrary, you are dealing with it rather well, Irulan."
"I doubt that," she croaked finally, her shame and her fear a heavy shadow on her heart. Once again, the waning shock of the event had left its residue - the sharp need to cry. But this time she was determined to fight it.
"Believe it," he said softly, drawing closer and caressing her cheek. That only seemed to push up the tears further and required greater strength to fight the urge. "It is not easy and you are very strong in the face of it. It will take time."
"How long?" she said, finding his eyes once more.
Legolas sighed deeply. "Not too long," was his final reply.
A moment passed between them and the elf used it to urge her to drink the hot liquid. Irulan did not resist and finished it quickly. "I do not feel it when I am with you," she said then, many minutes later.
He merely nodded to that. "Yes, it helps to be in the presence of an elf."
Irulan looked at him for a long moment, a deft smile emerging on her face. "I don't think it's because you are an elf, Legolas," was her gentle statement. A bloom of surprise and delight emerged on his expression as he sat, his eyes never leaving hers, his hand folded over her fingers. It was true - Irulan felt safe with Legolas. And yes, the effects of Sharing did indeed lessen with the proximity of the elves (and that was why after controlled Sharing the subjects were always kept under their guidance for a certain amount of time), but she realized that, given the choice, she would not want to be with any other than Legolas. Not Haldir. Not Baeron. Not Analoth. But Legolas.
The man gave her a long, deep look. His fingers glided through her hair, his gaze heavy on her. "Do not worry," he whispered, "I will not let harm come to you. The pain of the memory will not touch you at my side, Irulan."
"I know," was the almost inaudible reply.
"And I shall be by your side," he added a moment later. "Always."
He slowly leaned in and kissed her cheek, then pulled back shortly afterwards, his head spinning from her intoxicating proximity. An instant surprise followed when Irulan followed his example and placed a kiss on his cheek. He hesitated with the excitement of it, then leaned in again and planted another, at the corner of her lips. She smiled with amusement, her eyes incredibly beautiful to him in this light. A kiss on the exact spot of his face followed. A mirror smile emerged on his lips. Who would believe now that one was an adult from New York and the other –even worse!- an elf, born ages upon ages ago?
Once again he tilted forward, ever so slowly, this time brushing his lips over hers. Incredible passion was throbbing in him, but he refrained from turning the mere contact into a kiss until he felt her response. Nevertheless, once that response came, it was beyond his power to remain in disinterest to it. His hand found on her neck, pulling her closer as his lips pressed with further urgency. His tongue gently parted her lips and to his joy, she allowed him to continue. A tremor of excitement traveled through him and Legolas slowly delved into her mouth. Her taste took hold of his spirit and his mind as his tongue brushed against hers with the lazy grace of a planet, moving against the orbit of another. Nothing, absolutely nothing in this world could compare to this and everything was doomed to live in the shadow of this experience from now on.
It was a kiss that spoke of gentleness and deep affection, along with controlled passion and Irulan gave in to its strong, yet subtle power. She had no chance of resisting, anyway. Like all its predecessors, this one too would burn her entire being with that deep, but so desirable fire - whether she fought it or not. And she would not fight it. No principle, logical explanation, rational excuse, moral taboo or social fear could make her turn her back to a gift of this nature. Because that's what the kiss of an elf was - a gift. A praise. A compliment. A word of deep kindness and a comforting hand on the shoulder. An act of flaming passion and the protective shelter that meant safety. She feared this road, yes. And God knows that the journey had been too sudden and too unexpected. But at this point, Irulan knew that she wanted nothing more than its continuance. Whatever the price. Whatever the destination. Whatever the outcome. In this world of many, many solitary 'I's, Irulan had found the majestic 'We' and she did not have the heart or the wish to let it slip away.
For many minutes they sat in silence, the rest of the world forgotten. Their mouths spoke silent poetry on each other's face, lips and hands. Neither would ever forget it, for neither could ever remember being this content before. If life was a series of hills, valleys and mountains, this was certainly a summit for both. A peak that overlooked many.
Even though it was slow and gentle, they were both drowned with excitement and heaving when they stopped. Still, he was unwilling to let go. Like a moth he danced to her flame, desiring it beyond any manner that he could explain. She was tired. She had just emerged from another nasty after-shock of the Sharing experience. And yet, he longed to be as close to her as she would allow him to be. "You should rest," he choked out with regret as his hand entangled in her hair, speaking quite the opposite.
To his great delight Irulan blinked with surprise and sat up slowly. "You will stay with me, yes?" she said with alarm.
Legolas felt relief mingling with great joy in his heart once more. It was becoming a very familiar and also addictive sentiment. "Only if you want me to," he whispered.
"I want you to. Stay," she said, more than afraid that he might walk off and leave her alone. Besides...sleeping next to Legolas was rather addictive. She saw no reason to change it now. Especially now that they had an "official" bond established between them.
Legolas chuckled softly and placed a swift, hard kiss on her lips. "I thought you would never ask," he sighed, his chuckles giving way to a beautiful smile. He disappeared to his own room to change into another –this time black- cotton sweater and cotton pants, all the time grinning in delight at the turn of things. Though he felt immense need for a physical union with Irulan, as an elf he had no desire to hasten it and thereby make it something PURELY physical. He felt so much more than simple bodily desire for her and he would never take a step to make it less than it was. But just like he would not think of crossing the line without consent and with solely sexual intentions, he would also not imagine to hesitate or remain indecisive when she showed said consent. He would not press his luck this night, for he was more than happy with his gain at this point. But he also knew that soon enough he would crave for more. And not too long after that, he would strive to attain that more.
He returned to her room and found Irulan waiting anxiously, her face turned away from the fireplace. Legolas swung a silent curse at Baeron once more, though a darker side of him was very aware that he had to thank the elf for this current gift of intimacy with her. A very terrible thing to think. But no less true.
The relief he saw on Irulan's face when he glided under the covers after he had turned off the lights in the room, was pure bliss on his soul. He pulled her closer and she fit perfectly, tucked into his figure. For long moments he remained elevated on his forearm, combing her hair back into a dark cluster of clouds, billowing behind her head on the pillow. She relaxed immensely under his expert touch, fascinated by it. Irulan snuggled even closer and there it was again – that unbelievable scent that she could only describe it as elvish. It was the scent of warmth and life itself, if such a thing was possible.
Legolas watched her fall asleep. Her left hand loosened, but continued its grasp of the front of his sweater. The flames flickering in the fireplace were ever so slightly playing on her features. 'How is it possible that I have not seen her magnificent beauty at our first meeting?' he thought, frowning a little. The only unusual thing he remembered feeling at her sight back then, was that strange familiarity that he had experienced over and over again in her presence. He knew now that the reason for that was because she WAS familiar to him. She was his destiny. She was his and just like one would recognize one's own reflection in the water, his spirit had recognized her.
He caressed her cheek and Irulan exhaled slowly with pleasure. He smiled and continued the movement. No doubt that he was pushing his luck, that he was being hasty and greedy. And yet, from a different point of view, it was already too late and he had a lot of catching up to do!
Oh how he wished that he had found her when she was a mere baby! He would have taken care of her and raised her and protected her in the best way possible. Ah yes...Legolas would have been mentor and guide to her. Her best friend. Her most trusted confidant. Her companion in everything. He would have been there for every single important day - for separations and celebrations alike. He would have been by her side to cheer her up or to ease her crying. Of course...the boyfriend issue would have been a problem. She was his, after all. Promised to him. For all times.
He would have told her all and taken her everywhere. And she would have grown used to him, dependent on him and on the company he offered. She would have missed him when away and cherished his presence when he returned. And not too long after that, she would have come to realize that Legolas loved her like no Man could and ever would. That he loved her beyond anything and everything - beyond time and age and race.
Perhaps Irulan would have been taken aback by that discovery at first. And Legolas would have been gentle and patient, giving her time to digest. And after that time...yes...she would have loved him in return. And she would have allowed him to be more than a mere guide and friend. And not a single day would she come to regret that decision.
He sighed and slowly glided down to lie beside her and to capture her in his embrace without waking her. None of that would ever happen, now. He had missed a gigantic slice of her hasty, short mortal life. He had no intentions of missing another single hour or another single day with idle hesitation from now on.
***
The next morning Irulan woke up alone. After spending a few moments in deep confusion where she was (all this constant traveling needed some time to get used to), she remembered everything and took another look around the room. Legolas was not there. The fireplace was still active, but this time it felt not threatening at all to be alone in the room with the flames. As a matter of fact, now it seemed almost silly that she had felt so horrified by it yesterday. Almost. Eager to face the new day, Irulan yawned and trotted to the bathroom to get ready.
Half an hour later she stepped out, ready to leave and far more awake. Legolas was waiting for her when she did. He had changed into jeans and a black turtleneck and his hair was hanging lose, slightly wet from the shower he must have taken in his own bathroom. At her sight, he smiled broadly and walked up to her. Irulan was caught off-guard when he gently cupped her face with both hands and gave her a slow but fiery kiss. Her heart stopped beating and her whole figure froze at its unexpected intensity.
He pulled back then and brushed his thumb over her lips, his gaze fixed on hers. "Good morning," was the husky greeting, immediately followed by a brilliant smile.
Irulan placed her own cool hands on his, chuckling despite herself. "Legolas!" she whispered, a little out of breath. She swallowed before she found the voice to continue: "You…surprised me." When his smile morphed into a grin, she took a deep breath to regain her senses and chuckled again. "Good morning to you, too."
His eyes swiftly grazed her face and found hers again. "You look fabulous, Irulan. But how do you feel?"
She laughed again, moving to break his hold of her and he gracefully stepped away to give her room. "I feel great! I was thinking that perhaps I have overreacted yesterday."
The elf pursed his lips and clasped his hands behind his back. He turned to the window, his gaze distant for a moment or two. "I am glad that the effect has faded. However…" -with that, he locked eyes with her again- "…do not underestimate yourself. Sharing is no easy feat. It takes time and much experience to get used to."
"Does that mean that it will be easier the next time?" was her excited question.
Legolas gave her one of those long, blank looks and she had come to learn that the blank look was not a particularly good one. "It WOULD be easier if there WOULD be a next time, yes," he said slowly. "But there won't."
Irulan rolled her eyes and went over to the shopping bags to pick out the new boots she had bought. "You never know," she mumbled on the way.
Unfortunate for her, she was in the company of an elf and Legolas had heard her perfectly. He barely kept his mouth from falling open as he followed her. "And what exactly does that mean?" he said, his voice carrying both disbelief and mild anger. She gave him a look over her shoulder as she stood crouching over the bag, then fished out the boots and sat on the armchair to put them on. The man, annoyed by her lack of reply took another step. "You agreed not to Share with Baeron again."
"I did," she said simply, unlacing the boot in her hand. "But…Baeron is thankfully not the only elf," she added a moment later, a childish grin on her face.
This time the disbelief finally managed to seep into his facial expression and he found no words to say for a moment. "Have you no regard for yourself at all?!" he seethed a moment later and her movements slowed drastically at his tone. She did not look up, though, and continued putting on the boots and tying them. "Twice now you have seen what it can do! And still you ask for more?"
She sighed and finished her task before she slowly looked up to meet his gaze. They stared at each other for a short moment. "You said that it will be easier the next time."
Anger had gained dominance when he spoke again: "There will be no next time, Irulan."
"And you said if it's done in a less sudden way and when the memory is not so grave-.."
"I said," he seethed, now merely a step from her, "there…will…be…no…next…time!"
She exhaled in frustration and stood up, facing him. "Haldir would be careful, I'm sure. So would Analoth."
That was definitely the wrong thing to say, because Legolas' eyes widened with surprise and another, darker emotion. She stared back at him with unease as he took the last step and stood looming over her, his glare speaking of deep fury. "What?!" he whispered with perfect threat. A moment of silence passed between them. "Tell me that I have misheard you, Irulan," he growled. "You will SHARE with another elf?"
Only then did Irulan remember that she was his lover now. And that her suggestion was very much like stating that she meant to kiss other men. "NO!" she exclaimed with haste, then halted, shocked at her own stupidity. "No! I meant…I meant to say…I mean…IF I ever Shared with them!" This didn't lift his sizzling anger much and Legolas exhaled a slow, fuming breath as unconsciously his hands rolled into fists. "But I won't, of course!" she added with urgency. He crossed his arms on his chest, his face gaining a placid expression once more. It was like mist on water – making her navigation very uneasy and risky and Irulan hesitated how to conclude. "Not while…not while WE can Share, Legolas," she whispered finally, slowly placing her hand on his forearm.
The elf stilled for a moment, suddenly surprised by the appeal of that idea. 'No! It is wrong! It is a burden for them!' a voice in his mind urged. True enough, it was. But done properly and under his constant guidance…'No! Are you out of your mind, Legolas?' it intervened again. He sighed mentally, his eyes still fixed on the timid but expectant gaze of Irulan. 'She is my lover. I will take care of her,' he argued weakly. 'Stop it!' came the intervention instantly. 'Her mortal curiosity and childishness can be no reason to fulfill her every wish! She does not know better. But you do!'
"We will not Share," he said finally, turning away from her.
He could even FEEL the disappointment that streamed out of her with that answer, but stubbornly turned his back to it. "Why not?" was her late and slow question.
"I will tell you all you ask, Irulan," he said, somewhat more gently, but dared not turn around to face her. "But we will not Share. It will only confuse and burden you. There is no need for such a thing."
Irulan remained silent for many moments and Legolas clenched his jaw with the effort to resist the temptation to give in. Sharing was the most intimate act for an elf and his heart leapt at the thought of doing it with Irulan. But it was wrong. It was not natural for mortals. No, he would not surrender to his own selfish desires. He was no Baeron!
His determination took a hefty blow when she spoke up again, her tone far sadder this time: "Then I do not mean to you what I thought I did."
He could not help himself turning around at that remark. To his utter demise, she stood looking up at him, her shoulders sagging and an expression of open sorrow on her face. "You mean more to me than anyone ever has," he whispered, both in alarm and in awe, and it was true down to the last word.
Irulan stared back at him, her lips slowly parting with the unexpected statement. He looked back, not blinking as time stretched between them. It was a mighty declaration. Far mightier than she would expect. Than she had dared to expect from anyone, but certainly least of all, from Legolas. She knew of course that she meant a lot to him, for no elf would take someone as his lover for less than deep affection. And just when she was thinking how one could come to terms with a fact like that, he had once again taken another step and unveiled another shocking truth. Even after a rather long interval, Irulan failed to come up with a reply and feeling very much as if the ground had been pulled from underneath her feet, nervously entwined her hands in front of her and cast her gaze down.
Legolas took a deep breath and once again closed the distance between them. His palm rested on her cheek and he remained like that for a while before he spoke: "You mean the world to me, Irulan. And more." A quick debate as to whether he should just go ahead and reveal all the truth about this sentiments erupted in him. But at this point, she probably had a vague idea what he meant and there was no need to press on with the statement. "And that is why we can not do this," he concluded gently.
He did not expect her to look up, but she did and there was a strange fire in her eyes. He felt almost hypnotized by it, just like he had at the Coliseum when she had caught him like this to his own surprise. "If our roles were reversed, Legolas," she said, her voice deep and strangely tired, "would you not ask it of me?" She pursed her lips momentarily as the elf waited with rapt attention. "Would you not ask me to tear away all the walls between us?"
Once again she was speaking the open, plain and unquestionable truth. If he felt weak now, it was nothing compared to what he felt when her hand found his and removing it from her cheek, she turned it to kiss his palm. Who would have thought that a simple kiss could turn an elf of his age into a mere child and swat off all his long years as if swatting off a fly? He did not know if his own kisses made Irulan feel the way he felt at the moment, but if they did, she was far stronger than him. Because she managed to resist, but there was no way on earth HE could resist this!
"It is good," he managed to whisper a very long moment later, still unable to tear away his gaze from hers, "that our roles are not reversed."
She said nothing in return and let him have the last word. It was always smart to leave the last word to the man. To soften them up with that gesture. It made it far easier to attain the desired, in the long run. She exhaled with perfect defeat and slowly embraced his neck. "If you say so," she mumbled with a tinge of disappointment.
Legolas blinked in surprise and a smile of relief washed over his features while his hands glided down to embrace her waist and his forehead rested on hers. The Valar had certainly pitied his state and made her give in. For if she had insisted, he would have found it impossible to decline her wish any further. The worst part was, now that she had stepped back, the gleeful desire to fulfill her demand had increased even further! 'The fair gender!' he thought, 'No man was built to overpower them!' Resisting the impulse, he gave her a light kiss on the lips and Irulan kissed him back, taking his breath away with that simple action alone.
He embraced her stronger, kissing her cheek and her neck as Irulan closed her eyes and gave in to the feeling. "Shall we go now?" he whispered into her ear finally. Irulan sighed and nodded slightly, pulling herself back. They walked out of the room and down the stairs. The old German couple waved them goodbye and Irulan looked back at the pension as they drove off, thinking that she would always remember it to be the place she had said 'yes' to Legolas.
And to everything that followed.
***
