Chapter nine


"Hawkgirl!"

Shayera could feel his presence even before she heard John slam her door open. She sat up in her bed, wincing slightly. Her wing was healing nicely, but still throbbed with any sudden movement, and her stomach……….

"Hawkgirl." His voice was urgent, and his eyes were wild. "Why didn't you tell me about the baby………"

Hawkgirl's stomach dropped to her knees as she realized the meaning of his words. "You found out?" she whispered, paling. "From who?"

"Superman." John's face was twisted in an expression of profound anger and hurt. "Why, Hawkgirl?"

"I……." Hawkgirl suddenly felt another wave of nausea coming upon her. Her morning sickness had lessened over the past couple of days, but……..

As she leapt from the bed and ran to her sink, she had a serious flash of deja vou. The two of them couldn't seem to have a full conversation without her throwing up. The Green Lantern met her when she was finished, handing her a towel and a bottle of Listerine, but his eyes were still flashing.

"I want an explanation. Now."

"You will get one, John. Just sit and-" Hawkgirl winced as she settled back beneath her covers, after rinsing her mouth.

"What kind of explanation could you possibly-" John broke off abruptly, shaking his head. His brow was furrowed. "My God, Hawkgirl……to find out that kind of thing from a teammate….."

"Yes, I know, and I'm sorry. Just please listen, and-"

"I'm going to be a father. A father, Shayera! Why did you let me torture myself, thinking the child was……Christ!"

"Now, I think that a poor choice of words, John!" Hawkgirl snapped, a hint of her old color returning to her cheeks. "Just…..listen!"

He folded his arms and glared at her, but she could see him trembling. Great Thangar, she had put him through so much already…….she closed her eyes briefly and sent up a silent prayer, that she would be given the words to say……..

When she spoke, her voice was low and even, though tears were already beginning to slide down her cheeks.

"John," she said, low, "first of all, I am so, so, sorry- I would have told you eventually-"

"When? On the eve of its birth?"

Hawkgirl shrank slightly from his tone, but continued. She deserved that. "Anyway, I found that I was pregnant a short while after the invasion……and after you had quit."

She paused for a minute, clearly reliving the moment. "I was devastated," she said, softly. "I thought the child was…..I was CONVINCED the child was Katar's. I hid the pregnancy for as long as possible, thinking that perhaps……..perhaps……"

"You would lose it," John said so bluntly that she flinched.

"Yes," she affirmed, staring at her coverlet. "It didn't happen that way……and I could not bring myself to do an innocent any harm.

"Morning sickness began soon after. I tried to pass it of as the flu, but Batman grew suspicious- and I began to suspect that the baby might not be Katar's, as Thangerians usually do not experience morning sickness."

"You knew….all this time," John said. His voice was raspy.

"I suspected, not knew for sure," she corrected. "Batman grew concerned and insisted on testing me. He discovered that I was pregnant, and also that the child was half-Thangerian- which pretty much cemented the paternity."

John was quiet.

Hawkgirl wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand and continued. "You……you probably are wondering why I didn't call you on the spot……."

"The question does come to mind," he said dryly.

"Well," and her voice had dropped to a level so low that he had to lean in to hear her. "I….I sent you a letter."

He stared at her; and his normally dark complexion went a chalky gray. He took and unsteady seat on her bed. Hawkgirl suspected he had to.

"I heard nothing in response, and a second letter I sent……was returned."

"Yes." His voice was barely audible.

"It was clear that you wanted nothing to do with me at the time," she said, lowering her gaze. He had pressed his forehead to his hands, remembering those dark, solitary, self-pitying days after the invasion…….the letter he hadn't read…….

"Oh, God," he groaned. It was more of a prayer than anything else.

There was several seconds of silence before either could speak. Then Hawkgirl's firm voice broke it.

"I made the decision then to go and see you….just once. I went at night, when I knew you'd be alone and sleeping….I just wanted to kiss you one last time before…..before I left. And you know what happened in the apartment.

"Preston and Katma leaked you the news that I was pregnant, but they had no idea by whom- I think they both assumed that the child is yours-"

"Not Preston. I told him everything."

"Katma, then." Hawkgirl took a deep breath. "When you confronted me……I knew that you, as a good person, would stick by me no matter what if you knew the child was yours…..so I lied."

The Green Lantern's head snapped up; he looked confused. "So you didn't want me to come back?"

"No. You're missing the whole point." Hawkgirl took another deep breath. "I wanted you to come back to me……but not because of the baby."

"I…….don't understand…."

"I wanted security, John," she said, eyes flashing with emotion. "I knew that if you thought that the child was Katar's and not yours……and STILL decided to stay……you would be doing it for ME, and not some sense of duty you have towards your child……."

She paused for a minute and composed herself, taking a shaky breath. "You would stay because you loved me- and not because you were becoming a father."

When he didn't answer readily, she continued. "Yes, I tricked you, and I'm sorry……but you DID stay with me, in spite of the fact……"

"That you were carrying another man's child," John said, low. "I understand now……"

"I….where are you going?" John had stood to his feet and was now walking unsteadily towards the door.

"I have to…..I need to……" waving a hand vaguely in the air, he walked outside the door, still muttering to himself.

Hawkgirl bit back a fresh onslaught of tears, pressing her face against her knees. She had been doing so much crying lately….and it was draining her. She wasn't used to being so overemotional….well, she had told John, at least.

But had her final deception, innocent as it was, destroyed their relationship completely?

"Great Thangor…..I'm afraid so….."

*************************************************************

"Put in that Phill Collins CD!"

"Are you kidding me? Phil Collins? What are we, a hundred? Or even worse- forty? What about the Bone Thugs in Harmony Album?"

"Give me a BREAK."

"Hater."

"Just put in the stupid Phill Collins."

"Bone Thugs!"

"Phill COLLINS!!"

"OutKast," the two compromised.

As Andre 3000's smooth vocal stylings began to fill the interior of Katma's black Maxima, she turned to Flash, who was sitting beside her in the front seat. "How'd a small town WASP like you get into the Bone Thugs, anyway?"

"I'm Catholic, actually," Flash said without offense, flashing her a grin. "John got me into them. One time listening to "Crossroads" was all it took."

"Sorry about that," Katma said with a smile. "I don't think before opening my mouth, I guess."

"No offense taken. Now, just make a right here….."

Katma obediently turned her car, then sat back and relaxed easing over the road. When Flash had approached her shortly after she had left Batman that morning, she didn't know what to think- about his offer, and about Preston's near-confession a short time before.

Flash had almost jokingly asked her if she'd like to see the sights in Metropilos city, where he was currently renting an apartment, and he was nothing short of shocked when she pounced on his offer-making her wonder if he was used to girls agreeing to go out with him.

They had left almost immeadiately, taking Katma's pod to earth, going to get her car at John's apartment, then heading towards the city. They had arrived quickly, and were now touring the place- now heading for the mall, which Flash called the 'center of it all,' Flashcode for, 'picking up chicks.'

They parked and headed for the stores, and Katma found that Flash was actually quite a pleasant shopping partner. He opened doors, held her purse, cracked jokes and made himself generally very agreeable.

So agreeable, in fact, that she decided to open up to him about Batman's offer over their lunches of Big Macs (one for her, four for him) and French fries. "So…..I really don't know what to do," she finished.

"Do you WANT to join?" Flash asked her, eyes earnest. He lay his burger down and looked at her intently.

"I don't know….." Katma played with a fry, dragging it through a pool of ketchup. "I love the Watchtower, and I really like the way you all get along…..it's so much less…….structured than the Green Lantern Corps."

"That's probably the root of all our problems," Flash said with a laugh. "Do you think that John would be in the fix he's in if we had a no-dating policy like you guys do on the Corps?"

"I'm not so sure," Katma said with a smirk, reliving certain youthful……escapades. "But, seriously……I like the way that you all get along. I like the way it's run. And I have no other engagements right now- I'm off from the Corps for a while- they give you a break every couple of years."

"So……."

"SO, Hawkgirl and John are on the team! It would just be……weird, for lack of a better word. And weirdness is not something you want in a team."

"But Hawkgirl suggested you as a member in the first place."

"WHAT?" Had Katma heard him correctly? "Hawkgirl? ME?"

"Well…..yeah," Flash said, looking slightly taken aback. "We met with Batsy yesterday to discuss the future of the League while John was still gone indefinitely and Shay was on maternity leave…….she and J'onn both suggested you."

"But….I shot her, for chrissake!"

"Not deliberately." Flash paused to take a sip of his Sprite. "Hawkgirl's a very reasonable woman- most of the time, anyway- and she felt that with your experience and all, you'd make the best member. J'onn agreed and said that you do 'have heart.'"

"He got that out of a thirty minute conversation?" muttered Katma. "Geez."

"So, what are you going to-"

""FLASH? Is that YOU?"

The couple turned around abruptly to see Diana, accompanied by a tall, elegantly beautiful blonde. Flash got to his feet and smiled widely. "Di, Princess Aubery! How are you ladies today-" and directed a well-timed wink to the blonde.

"Fine, Flash."

"So Aubery, how's the- OUCH!" Flash winced as a well-timed "remember who's REALLY your date" elbow poke to his ribs was administered by Katma. "Introductions?" she hissed.

Diana smiled and took over. "Hello, Katma. This is a friend of mine, Princess Aubery. She'd in town for the weekend, and she loves to shop."

Katma smiled and extended a hand, bowing her head slightly. "Nice to meet you."

"And you as well."

"Preston was here, too," Diana continued. "He was carrying our bags for us, but we left him in an electronic store, and- oh! Here he comes now," she said, watching as he appeared through the crowd in the food court, laden down with Nordstorm and Bloomingdales bags and boxes. He made it too the table and dropped them, puffing, before slapping hands with Flash. "What's up, dude- My goodness, what did you buy, bowling balls?"

"Those must be my shoes-" and Aubery dived for the bag.

Preston stared at her in disbelief, then straightened, rubbing his suede-covered arms. "I will never go shopping with a woman again……"

Flash shook his head in pity. "Shopping with Aubery, man? I could have warned you…."

Preston groaned. "I know now, though. Diana saw me this morning, and said a looked bored, then mentioned a friend of hers that she was going out with, and invited me to come along."

Flash nodded sagely. "You ARE a rookie. The rest of us JL men know better than to take Aubery shopping."

Preston laughed. "Now I know, man."

Then his eyes met Katma's. He hadn't seen her before, where she had been sitting behind Flash.

He started for a minute; then he regained his composure. "You ladies want anything from the food court?" he asked politely.

"Salad and a Diet Coke!" they said simultaneously.

Preston shook his head and began to walk away, but Katma was quick and caught up to him. "I'll go with you."

He stared at her, but she stared him down. "Fine. We'll be back in a minute," he called back over his shoulder.

They were walking for only a second before Katma spoke. "Look, Pres, we have to talk," she said, bluntly.

"I know." Preston surprised her for agreeing. "Look. I'm sorry I yelled at you last night. You're my friend. I was trying to protect you."

"I……"

"And," he continued, obviously determined to be blunt, "I can see you don't like me in that way, either. It's cool, Kat. No big deal."

"I…" shocked, Katma lost the ability to talk for a minute. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." He turned and gave her the full force of his eyes. "We're still friends, right?"

"Yes. Friends." Katma asserted. But the words sounded hollow, even to her, and she felt a pang. Preston had already said all of the things that she had been planning to say.

"Let's get the food." Preston patted her on the back, and grabbed a tray for the salad bar.

Katma watched the back of his head, wondering why she felt so melancholy. He had said all the right things; he still wanted to be friends.

It was what she had wanted.

Right?

*************************************************************

"I've got……to get out of here……."

Blinded by her own angry tears, Hawkgirl yanked one of the drawers out of her dresser, dropping the resulting mess into a large box sitting on the floor. She was packing her bags.

I ruined everything…….

Great Thangar above! Just because of some stupid feminine insecurity, she might have lost him forever. She remembered the look of anger….the look of hurt…..the way he had quitted the room……

Flushed by a new wave of resolve, she pulled on a second drawer, trying to get it unstuck. She had to leave as soon as possible. Where? She had no idea. But she had to leave.

She couldn't keep on messing up the life of the man she loved.

"DAMMIT….." Hawkgirl yanked at the drawer, her frustration growing with each tug. Bracing her foot against the drawer and pulling even harder, she gritted her teeth and ground out a series of curse-word combinations even SHE had never heard before.

All of a sudden, the drawer came unstuck, and the force threw her backwards, where she landed squarely on her backside, the drawer itself landing on her foot. Furious now, she let out a scream of rage and pain, grabbing her foot and her lower back simultaneously.

"Hawkgirl…..what are you doing?"

Hawkgirl nearly jumped from fright. Half sick from adrenaline, she stared at John, who was standing in the doorway, looking at her with a bemused frown on his face. "Are you….."

"I was trying to get my drawer unstuck!" she retorted angrily, trying to ignore the throbbing in her toe. She kicked the offending drawer with her other foot, and it tumbled on its side, spilling more delicates out on the rug.

Shayera thought she saw John's mouth twitch, but she couldn't be sure. He walked over to her and helped her to her feet, cradled the injured toe in his hand, and carried her back to the bed. With an incredible expression of deep gravity, he lifted a pair of hose off her head and handed it to her.

"Oh…..!" Hawkgirl snatched the tights from his hand and threw it into the box. "I was just…….getting ready to leave."

John's face turned form one of amusement to alarm. "Leave? Woman, why would you do that?"

"Why NOT? You're doing it……"

"No, I'm not!"

"But….the way you left after I……."

John grabbed her by the shoulders. "Hawkgirl," he said insistently. "After all we've been through……how could you even THINK……"

"You were so angry, though!"

"Shay," he said, using her nickname. "I was going to stay with you when I thought the child was Katar's. why would I…….."

"I don't know!" Hawkgirl cried out. "You just seemed so upset….."

"I was," John said grimly. "I still am, in a way. But……I'm over it now.

"Hawkgirl, seeing you resort to that kind of thing…..you're obviously not okay yet, I realized, and it's not just the pregnancy……you need to get away form here, from all the memories."

"So…..where did you go?" she asked in a tiny voice, after a minute had passed.

"I went to see Batman."

Her head came up sharply.

"I wanted to ask his permission to release you under my care…..you've been under severe strain, Shay, and you need to rest. Then I made a few phone calls……I want to take you to earth, Shay. To rest, and to get to know me better……I rented this place in my old hometown. It's bigger than my apartment, and my Aunt will be staying with us for a while. She'll love you, don't worry. We can stay there till the baby's born. And then…..my God, Hawkgirl, what…….."

For Hawkgirl had burst into a fit of hysterical tears.

John, who had never seen tough-tomboy Shayera lose control so, became alarmed, wrapping his arms around her. "Shay- I'm sorry! I didn't know it would upset you like that- I just thought you needed to get away- God, I'm so stupid to make plans without telling you. I'll just call right now and cancel-"

He was stopped abruptly by Shayera's small hand clamping over his mouth. "Shut up, you idiot!" she managed to get out through her sobs. "I'm happy!"

When Batman returned that evening to check on Hawkgirl he found the two sitting on her bed, making out like a couple of teenagers.

He smiled and left.

Everything was settled, apparently.

Except for Katma………