A/N Next improved chapter. . .chapter 6!! ^_^
Chapter six ~ Draco Malfoy.
Narcissa's Diary.
Draco has grown up, he is no longer a small child, no longer dependent on me. He no longer sees me, his vision is blinded by his 'father'. The man I saw inside the one month year old baby has vanished. When I stare into his pearly blue eyes, I do not see him, I do not see my Draco. It's not my Draco.
The man who has controlled his entire life, bruised and beaten him, is the man Draco looks up to, admires.
As each day goes on, I see more Malfoy and less goodness in the boy I once called my son. But I don't have a son anymore, he is not mine, he is a Malfoy. He has been taught to sneer, hate and control those weaker then him. Those are the Malfoy lesson's of life. I had thought the principles of the Blacks were bad, but they are not a patch on those of the Malfoy's.
I heard him use the word 'mudblood' the other day and could not believe my ears. I once tried to protect him, but how can you protect someone who does not wish to be protected? He pushed me away long ago. His 'father' can still reduce him to tears with a look, can have him sobbing with a single word, and begging with a punch. The same man, whom Draco loves and cherishes with his whole heart.
The spirit, the wilful soaring spirit has long since vanished, Draco is just another follower of the great Lucius Malfoy. He no longer thinks for himself, he has no mind, no opinion except that of his 'father's'.
At first I thought I was losing control, but then I realised I never had it to lose in the first place.
I gave up everything for Draco, I left the man I loved to give Draco a home, to keep my family so he would never be alone as I was. I wanted to make sure Draco had the mother, that had been absent from my life. I did not want him to have to suffer as I did at the hands of my family. But in my rush to save him, I brought him in to even deeper trouble, and now he is a Malfoy.
After all the sacrifices I made, to bring him into this world, I have lost him, lost him to Lucius. Lucius has won, as he always said he would. He always threatened to turn my son against me. And now he has succeeded.
I often thought of leaving, Andromeda told me to go with her, but I couldn't leave. Although the son I once brought into the world, looked at me without seeing, I still could not leave him to the mercy of Lucius.
Bellatrix was sent to Azkaban for supporting the Dark Lord, Lucius too was heavily involved but managed to escape time in Azkaban. And now I must fear for Draco, lest he too get involved.
Draco stepped off the Hogwarts Express. He walked with a smirk to where his parents stood on the platform. His father with a similar smirk and his mother hiding a worried grimace.
She stepped forward and pushed her cheek against him in the form of a kiss, before his father grabbed him playfully by the arm and pulled him towards the car.
The chauffeur held the door open for the Malfoys to get in and then took them home, to Malfoy Manor.
Draco barely looked at his sober mother. He was too busy telling his father of the term's events. There was talk of potion lessons, As and, of course, Harry Potter. The crisp snow covered the ground declaring that Christmas was almost there, and Draco for one was happy to be spending it with his father.
Narcissa sat back in the car, watching as her son and husband chatted away. She was listening for one word, 'ceremony', that would mean only one thing. The 'ceremony' was where new Death Eaters were welcomed to the flock. Lord Voldemort had returned and was gathering new followers, young followers, fresh blood. Lucius would, naturally, want his son involved.
But the word wasn't mentioned, more then likely Lucius didn't want Narcissa to know what he was up to, But she knew, inside she knew. Draco was lost to her, forever.
Narcissa's Diary.
Sometimes the best thing to do is accept your loss and move on. I should have left Lucius long ago, long before he got his claws into me. And when he started pawing I shouldn't have let him go so deep.
But he was. Lucius was inside me, and there was no way I could fight him inside.
If I left him, I wouldn't have been able to cope, I was so use to him telling me what to do that I didn't have to think to myself, and I have almost forgotten how to do so.
I shouldn't have let him get inside Draco, either. Count your losses and move on but I can't, I really can't. I need help. I need Draco's father, Draco's real father.
