He sat around the fire, watching the flames reach up to the sky then go down to the ground. He held the letter in his hand, almost ripping from where it has been folded and refolded, creases forming holes. He didn't know how to react. He couldn't just go back and tell her never got the letter. She would never believe him. He didn't want to destroy the good in her life, she would only become miserable if he was to show up again. He wondered why love couldn't take a straight path. It never did. It turned and twisted, cheated and deceived. Sometimes it would lead to the right destination, and other time it only drew more circles.
He opened it again, yet he knew it by heart. He knew the delicate curve of her handwriting, the exact places where she had stopped, the points on the paper where salty tears had sunk through. He had been too damn late. It was too damn late to do anything anymore. He waved the paper in his hand, and finally decided to crumble it. He threw it into the flames, feeding the light, prolonging his suffering. The yellow, orange, and red shooting up into the dark sky mesmerized him. He laid down on the dry earth, oblivious to the clay that would be attached to him when he stood. He starred up at the sky, being able to see every star in extreme detail. He started to think about Kem. How easily fooled he was by her. He thought she was going to be the one, he had given up so much to be with her, and yet she left him. Maybe it was his fate to be alone. Every relationship he had, he tried. And every relationship had ended somehow, if not by choice, then by chance. And one of them had been by both. He didn't want to think about it. He had such a good thing, and he turned it all down, he just gave up. He had given up. It was that plain and simple. He knew she was worth it. She had always been worth it, yet he didn't want her to be. He wanted to forget her, to erase her from memory. But it wasn't that easy. She was a part of him, for better or worse. She was the first and only person he could say he truly ever loved.
He would give up anything to see again. To feel her touch, the sweetness of her kiss. But she was a million miles away, with a man she obviously loved. At least she had found true love. Maybe they weren't meant to be soul mates. He was glad that she had pulled herself together, changed for herself and only for herself. Another part of him dreaded it, wanting his old, dependent, miserable Abby back. He knew he would never see her again. He saw a silhouette of a figure coming towards him, and he quickly wiped away his tears and sat back up.
"Dr. John?"
He looked up to see a brunette standing over him.
"Yeah?"
She sat down next to him.
"How long are you planning to stay here, in the Congo?"
He shrugged his shoulders. He didn't want to go back to Chicago. Yet he didn't feel right here anymore either.
"As long as you need me."
He saw her take a deep sigh.
"I feel the same way. Except that these conditions are getting worse. It's too dangerous to be here."
He looked at her, questioning where this conversation was leading.
"And due to those circumstances, we have been asked to evacuate."
He looked around him, at the dead countryside.
"What about the patients?"
There were so many people dependant on the facilities' medical care.
"The most critical will be transported to the safest location. We aren't even sure where that is. And the Red Cross will take over, coming down once or twice a week, as needed."
He nodded his head.
"So where am I supposed to go?"
He looked at her.
"Home."
He started to shake his head. He couldn't go home.
"Doctor, go home. You probably have family and friends that are worried about you. Come back, when the fighting subsides."
He closed his eyes.
"They need help during the fighting as well."
He heard her clear her throat.
"The locals can handle it. They are used to it. You are not. You shouldn't have to risk your life every minute."
He kept on shaking his head. He wanted to stay here.
"Dr. Carter, this is out of your control. It's been a government order to evacuate. There are two cars leaving to the capital tomorrow morning. There is a flight from Kisangani to Kinshasa, from there you are able to catch an airplane back to America. The arrangements have been made."
He watched her begin to get up.
"When can I come back?"
She looked at him.
"When this hell ends."
He knew it never would.
"I'd return in 24 hours notice."
She smiled at him.
"I'll keep that in mind. Thank you."
He leaned back against the cold ground. The last time for a while that he would see the stars shine so brightly.
He opened it again, yet he knew it by heart. He knew the delicate curve of her handwriting, the exact places where she had stopped, the points on the paper where salty tears had sunk through. He had been too damn late. It was too damn late to do anything anymore. He waved the paper in his hand, and finally decided to crumble it. He threw it into the flames, feeding the light, prolonging his suffering. The yellow, orange, and red shooting up into the dark sky mesmerized him. He laid down on the dry earth, oblivious to the clay that would be attached to him when he stood. He starred up at the sky, being able to see every star in extreme detail. He started to think about Kem. How easily fooled he was by her. He thought she was going to be the one, he had given up so much to be with her, and yet she left him. Maybe it was his fate to be alone. Every relationship he had, he tried. And every relationship had ended somehow, if not by choice, then by chance. And one of them had been by both. He didn't want to think about it. He had such a good thing, and he turned it all down, he just gave up. He had given up. It was that plain and simple. He knew she was worth it. She had always been worth it, yet he didn't want her to be. He wanted to forget her, to erase her from memory. But it wasn't that easy. She was a part of him, for better or worse. She was the first and only person he could say he truly ever loved.
He would give up anything to see again. To feel her touch, the sweetness of her kiss. But she was a million miles away, with a man she obviously loved. At least she had found true love. Maybe they weren't meant to be soul mates. He was glad that she had pulled herself together, changed for herself and only for herself. Another part of him dreaded it, wanting his old, dependent, miserable Abby back. He knew he would never see her again. He saw a silhouette of a figure coming towards him, and he quickly wiped away his tears and sat back up.
"Dr. John?"
He looked up to see a brunette standing over him.
"Yeah?"
She sat down next to him.
"How long are you planning to stay here, in the Congo?"
He shrugged his shoulders. He didn't want to go back to Chicago. Yet he didn't feel right here anymore either.
"As long as you need me."
He saw her take a deep sigh.
"I feel the same way. Except that these conditions are getting worse. It's too dangerous to be here."
He looked at her, questioning where this conversation was leading.
"And due to those circumstances, we have been asked to evacuate."
He looked around him, at the dead countryside.
"What about the patients?"
There were so many people dependant on the facilities' medical care.
"The most critical will be transported to the safest location. We aren't even sure where that is. And the Red Cross will take over, coming down once or twice a week, as needed."
He nodded his head.
"So where am I supposed to go?"
He looked at her.
"Home."
He started to shake his head. He couldn't go home.
"Doctor, go home. You probably have family and friends that are worried about you. Come back, when the fighting subsides."
He closed his eyes.
"They need help during the fighting as well."
He heard her clear her throat.
"The locals can handle it. They are used to it. You are not. You shouldn't have to risk your life every minute."
He kept on shaking his head. He wanted to stay here.
"Dr. Carter, this is out of your control. It's been a government order to evacuate. There are two cars leaving to the capital tomorrow morning. There is a flight from Kisangani to Kinshasa, from there you are able to catch an airplane back to America. The arrangements have been made."
He watched her begin to get up.
"When can I come back?"
She looked at him.
"When this hell ends."
He knew it never would.
"I'd return in 24 hours notice."
She smiled at him.
"I'll keep that in mind. Thank you."
He leaned back against the cold ground. The last time for a while that he would see the stars shine so brightly.
