Author's Notes::: Sorry guys, a really really really short chapter, I just really wanted to get this up. I don't know, it's a mental chapter. I hope you like, and give me some input on where this plot should go b/c I just plainly dont' know where I want it to go. It will go, I guarantee it, I'm just not sure exactly where. And well I got like four reviews and the people tha review, I LOVE YOU!!! LOL well specifically ony four people, unless you reviewed and I didnt' get my cute little notice, but thanks so much to ER-Carby-Luva, CarbyForever, Rizzo1, and as always Kat, your my inspiration!! :-) And to anyone that reviewed, thanks....
The world never works the way its supposed to. He just realized this. Three years ago he had been planning his wedding day and that cute little house with the white picket fence. Now he's lying in bed, alone. Without her. He didn't know what changed. The trip to Oklahoma, he fell in love. That's when he pinpointed it. It had been maybe infatuation, or maybe liking, but love was when his world went upside down. There wasn't one thing he wouldn't do for her. He vowed for her affection, her friendship, her trust. Her. Just plainly her. And after he finally had her, he realized, she wasn't what he had expected. She was better. And worse at the same time. When they had been going out, her problems were suddenly his, and he hadn't wanted to deal with them. It was so complicated. So damn complicated. And slowly, with time, he knew she was the one. He just couldn't bring himself to accept her. For who she really was. She had faults, but so did he. He just hid his better than she did. And thinking back on it, leaving her was the stupidest thing he ever did. He hurt. He was hurting, she had ignored him, left him alone, out in the cold. He had needed her. And she wasn't there. He hadn't expected her to be there either. So it's both their faults. In a way, the more attatched he grew to her, the more pain he had. And the farther he tried to push away from her, the pain was multiplied. One way or another, he couldn't let go. He still can't let go. Watching her work today had convinced him again. He never stopped loving her. Just convinved himself that he needed to but it never actually fell through. Kem was good for a while. But it was too perfect. Too much. And Abby, with all her insecurities, doubts, fears, and problems, was worth every second he had ever spent on her. And every tear he had ever cried for her, it was worth it.
Yet she didn't want him back. She had moved on. Although he was completely sure it was over, she had given up. Maybe for the better. But he can't. She still controls him, the same way she did the first day that he had met her. She saved his life. He rolled out of bed, the bitter cold meeting him once again. He can't go on like this. He had never needed anything more in his life. He's done convincing himself she's not the one. Fed up with the tears over nothing, he knew what he was crying for. He knew what he was hiding from himself. He needs her more than air to breath. He'd do anything to get her back. He walks the steps down to the kitchen, aiming for a cup of coffee. Sleep wasn't going to be kind. Never was. What was love? He couldn't give himself an answer either than Abby. He loved her. He loved her more than he ever had before. It's just a shock, a jolt, a rush of energy. He was hiding from himself, wishing he was someone else. He wasn't. He was in love with her.
He sat down at the table. He needed to know. What had gone wrong. What the hell had gone wrong to destory something so destined? It had all happened at once. The death, the funeral, her brother, Africa. He had needed to find himself. He found himself, then he fell back apart. It hadn't been exactly what he had imagined or hoped for. He knew he was a better and stronger person, but he also knew a part of him was missing.
What if she didn't want him? What if she didn't love him? What if? The questions without answer, the answers too hard to bare.
The world never works the way its supposed to. He just realized this. Three years ago he had been planning his wedding day and that cute little house with the white picket fence. Now he's lying in bed, alone. Without her. He didn't know what changed. The trip to Oklahoma, he fell in love. That's when he pinpointed it. It had been maybe infatuation, or maybe liking, but love was when his world went upside down. There wasn't one thing he wouldn't do for her. He vowed for her affection, her friendship, her trust. Her. Just plainly her. And after he finally had her, he realized, she wasn't what he had expected. She was better. And worse at the same time. When they had been going out, her problems were suddenly his, and he hadn't wanted to deal with them. It was so complicated. So damn complicated. And slowly, with time, he knew she was the one. He just couldn't bring himself to accept her. For who she really was. She had faults, but so did he. He just hid his better than she did. And thinking back on it, leaving her was the stupidest thing he ever did. He hurt. He was hurting, she had ignored him, left him alone, out in the cold. He had needed her. And she wasn't there. He hadn't expected her to be there either. So it's both their faults. In a way, the more attatched he grew to her, the more pain he had. And the farther he tried to push away from her, the pain was multiplied. One way or another, he couldn't let go. He still can't let go. Watching her work today had convinced him again. He never stopped loving her. Just convinved himself that he needed to but it never actually fell through. Kem was good for a while. But it was too perfect. Too much. And Abby, with all her insecurities, doubts, fears, and problems, was worth every second he had ever spent on her. And every tear he had ever cried for her, it was worth it.
Yet she didn't want him back. She had moved on. Although he was completely sure it was over, she had given up. Maybe for the better. But he can't. She still controls him, the same way she did the first day that he had met her. She saved his life. He rolled out of bed, the bitter cold meeting him once again. He can't go on like this. He had never needed anything more in his life. He's done convincing himself she's not the one. Fed up with the tears over nothing, he knew what he was crying for. He knew what he was hiding from himself. He needs her more than air to breath. He'd do anything to get her back. He walks the steps down to the kitchen, aiming for a cup of coffee. Sleep wasn't going to be kind. Never was. What was love? He couldn't give himself an answer either than Abby. He loved her. He loved her more than he ever had before. It's just a shock, a jolt, a rush of energy. He was hiding from himself, wishing he was someone else. He wasn't. He was in love with her.
He sat down at the table. He needed to know. What had gone wrong. What the hell had gone wrong to destory something so destined? It had all happened at once. The death, the funeral, her brother, Africa. He had needed to find himself. He found himself, then he fell back apart. It hadn't been exactly what he had imagined or hoped for. He knew he was a better and stronger person, but he also knew a part of him was missing.
What if she didn't want him? What if she didn't love him? What if? The questions without answer, the answers too hard to bare.
