Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the Harry Potter series of books.
I am making no money from the distribution of this fanfiction. Anything you
recognize is not mine.
Author notes: Thanks everyone who had reviewed so far. This chapter has been broken into two parts because of its length. I will try to space it better since two people have complained about the spacing. Thanks again!
Chapter 10: To Dance for a Moment: Part 2
The touch of his fingers on her face brought her back to reality and to the fact that she believed she could never feel the way she had on that day. She had felt so miserable and yet so elated in one moment. His fingers found her lips and caressed them delicately as if he was touching the petals of a flower. And without warning he brought his own to hers. She remembered his kisses, light and full of energy as if he hadn't kissed a soul in decades. Her body trembled beneath him, terrified that when she opened her eyes it would be Christopher kissing her instead. "I remember it all." She whispered, pulling the necklace from her neck and showing him the ring, the engagement ring he'd given her those four years before. "You kept it?" He held the ring in his hands and examined it, wondering how he had managed to forget about it so completely. "I wore it for safety, seems your grandmother put a lot of protection spells on it to save someone from harm. Unfortunately I haven't worn it everyday." Hermione took the necklace off and dropped it slowly into Severus's hands. "It's really yours and you should have it. I just couldn't part with it before because I thought I'd never have the chance to give it back properly." She wrapped his hands around it and stepped back to take in his reaction. "I could never take this back, Hermione, once a ring as this has been given, the powers apply only to that person. Once my grandmother passed away, all the powers were restored, and once I gave it to you, the powers became yours. Here." He stepped behind her and fastened the necklace, but before he could move, Hermione grabbed his arms and fell into his embrace. His arms were like stone, yet comforting as pillows or quilts. She had never felt more protected or alone simultaneously . His breath was warm on her neck, like it had always been in the lab and office. He was always looking over her shoulder, breathing on her neck in a way that drove her mad. The music was now slow and soft again, as if Severus's moods and feelings controlled it. She rubbed her eyes a bit in exhaustion and pulled the hair from her face. "Are you tired?" He asked. Sometimes she felt that Severus was the king of asking obvious questions. "A bit, though not enough to leave this place." She could feel him tense a briefly and then relax as she turned to face him once more. Her eyes couldn't place his, they were off on some mountain looking to the sea. She hated that look, the one that told her that she wasn't important in his eyes anymore. She started to leave the room when she realized how selfish she had been, he'd just lost his father after all. "Are they having services for Adonis?" She asked, knowing there was really no perfect time to ask the question, so then was as good as ever. "Two days, in Devonshire where he grew up. Mother won't be attending." "That old bat is still alive...sorry, that was uncalled for." "By all means, blast the wretch. She is not my concern right now for I am sure perfect Sauronis will have concern enough for Mother." He went to his desk and the look that she remembered best appeared to take over his face. He hated his brother. He loved his nephews and his sister-in-law, but his brother was someone he cared never to see again. "Perhaps Sauronis won't make it and then Donavan and Davis can come alone." She offered, but it was obviously the wrong thing to say. "Yes wouldn't that be perfect, they will come here to stay with their Mother and all of her dogs and find you here with an infant they will immediately think is mine. Yes, lets give them that perfect scenario to use against me for the rest of my life. It isn't enough that Sauronis had perfect sons and a perfect fortune, they only have time for family when someone dies." She looked towards him shocked. Was he really that ashamed of her? Without waiting for him to add to his speech, she left him in great speed and went the length of the stairs in what felt like one single leap. She made her way to her rooms and found a wonderfully sleeping child, waiting for her care and attention. She smiled down at him and wondered what dreams he was having in his little dreamland. "You need more than me, poppet, I am afraid we will have to leave here tonight." She couldn't help but want his adoring face in her arms. She found quickly while fights with Christopher brewed that Fletcher's face was a comfort beyond recognizable things. "Won't you wake so I can see you." She pleaded with the sleeping infant. He stirred a little and then awoke with screams and tears, a sight and sound she so desperately needed. With that, she rocked him gently and hoped her comforting arms would slowly lull him back to sleep. Minutes later, when the crying hadn't subsided at all, she began to worry something was wrong. She changed his nappy and his clothes, offered him a bottle, but nothing helped. She placed him back in his crib and hoped that he would eventually fall back asleep. She cursed herself a bit for waking him in the first place. I'm so sorry, Fletcher, what did I do?" She cried feverishly before him, her body exhausted from his screaming. She laid her head down slowly on the floor and fell into darkness. "Hush child, you've made your mother faint." She heard softly, waking from the sleepless dream she'd been in. "Is he still crying?" Hermione asked, not able to fully open her eyes. "He only just stopped, I gave him a small amount of chamomile." "Thank you Christopher, I'll go finish the dinner now, sorry I didn't get to him faster: She tried to stand quickly and realized she wasn't in her home. The room she was in was red, like blood. "Christopher? I am not Christopher." Severus replied, more anger in his voice than he would've liked. He took a swift step towards Hermione and extended his hand to help her stand. "Please don't hurt me, Christopher, I couldn't get here fast enough to calm him. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." She whimpered, falling back quickly to the floor, shivering against the carpet. "Hermione, I am not Christopher, I am Severus Snape. I do not want to hurt you." Severus mouthed hoping to bring her back to reality and calm her down. He knelt in front of her and took both of her hands in his. "You are safe with me always." He assured but she didn't acknowledge his words. She pulled her hands back to her own body and wrapped them tightly around her chest. He waited no more than seconds before he scooped her up and carried to her to bed in the next room. The covers were already drawn as if she had been planning on getting in the bed earlier, so he moved them a little further back and placed her squarely in the middle. She looked dwarf-like in the bed made for a broad. Her eyes were swollen with tears and tiredness, but she was still beautiful to him, in the darkness of the room. "Rest peacefully." "So I can pack tomorrow and get out before Sauronis and his dear sons, whom you once loved I might add, will be here to see me and my son." She replied, finally feeling coherent and more like herself. "I shouldn't have said that, Hermione, I could care less what my brother and his beloved children think of my house guests." "Why did you say it then, if not to make me feel worse than I already do because I can't help you with your grief." Her body felt hot with anger and her skin damp with perspiration. He was further away then she would've liked. "I was angry with myself for getting jealous of my brother whom everyone has always adored over myself and also because he has chided me for ages for not being married or having children. You being here would probably help somewhat." He tried without ease to appease her angered mind. "Well, we will be going soon and then you won't have to be brought from your study to the second floor to quiet a shrieking child and a hopeless mother." She turned from him, now glad that he was a few feet away. The words didn't hold all the meaning she wanted in them, she wanted to thank Severus for allowing her to stay with him, but didn't quite know how to say without sounding childish and repetitive. "You are not hopeless. I have watched you with Fletcher and you are immaculate. You always know when it's time to feed him or change him, he hardly has to tell you anymore. And the way you hold him, as though your back isn't swollen and your arms aching, I can't believe you have the stamina you do. I would have given up ages ago, but you haven't." She tunneled out of the covers to peak at him, his face was softer than she'd ever seen it before, as if he was genuinely concerned about her. "You think I am a good mother?" She asked. "Yes." "Thank you." She flattened her back to the bed and sighed. She hadn't slept in four nights, her mind was worried about Christopher's trial and about Fletcher's blindness. Without hesitation she rolled on her side and beckoned Severus to her side. "You are a much better person than I am and you shouldn't have to explain yourself in such a time of grief. I hope you don't think me completely horrible." "I am afraid the exhaustion has caused temporary insanity." He said, sitting on the edge of her bed. "You have sacrificed yourself for years unafraid, or at least unwilling to admit any apprehension, and my classmates never understood any of it. Every time Ron and Harry said something about you, I defended you, but they never really grasped the idea of your role in the order." She said, sitting up and looking into the eyes of her once love. It wasn't as though she was trying to flatter him, she merely wanted him to understand why she held him so high in her life. "You are too kind." "None of that, Professor." "Professor?" "Sorry, old habit." He chuckled a bit, his head rising and falling in a fit she hadn't seen for many years. It was nice to have him back this way, even if he had just lost the only support from his childhood. "I love to see you laugh." She added, as he laughed a bit more, thinking of her days at Hogwarts and how she always tried to answer every single question she could, even if it meant over-extending her arm a million times. "You should try it yourself." And then he stopped and looked at her, his eyes searching her face as though he hadn't seen her in years. She was first to move this time, her arms were around his shoulders, still sitting on the bed. She couldn't help the need to have him near her, it had been there so many years that it was a part of her. "Thank you for helping me with Fletcher, Christopher never helped me unless I was at work and even then Fletcher was with me." "I am glad I was able to help." Severus ran his hands up and down her back, the feeling of the flannel making his fingertips warm. "You have helped more than you realize." She thought back to their dance in the study and how nice it felt just to have his arms around her once more, even for a second. "Will you go with me to Devonshire?" "Of course, I hoped you would ask me, otherwise I would've followed you and that might have seemed suspicious." He laughed again, but this time, his body fell altogether after he stopped and he mourned on her shoulder. She ran her fingers through his hair and kissed his forehead, trying to comfort him as he was obviously more distraught then he had led on to be. She knew men were trained from an early age to hide all feelings, to store them deep inside and never reveal them to anyone. She was grateful he was mourning, sometimes it was the only thing that helped her through dark periods. "How could I not ask you? Aside from my brother, and the old bat, you are the only other person to have known him recently. He rather enjoyed your company and I know he would've liked to know you were with me." "With you?" She asked, pulling away from him to give him a quizzical look. "Not like that, I mean that you were able to comfort me when Mother and Sauronis were caught up in themselves and the fortune." "You are so cryptic sometimes." She laughed a little and then tightened her hands at the small of his uncovered neck. She had always found his robes itchy...she rather liked when he wore his dress shirts, as they were soft and nice to the touch. "I am not cryptic! You are cryptic; I merely state things in a way that leads everyone to their own conclusions. That's not cryptic, that's simplifying myself for the ignorant." "Such wonderful bedroom chatter." "If this were normal bedroom chatter, there would be none, dear." He chided. "Yes, I recall that now." She pulled away from him slightly and searched his face for her next move. It wasn't always easy, so never easy, to gain emotion from Severus Snape. He was like bland chili where you still enjoyed it, but you could never really understand where the flavor came from. While searching his face, she remembered that she had called him Christopher and more than once, with that she pulled away completely from Severus and found solace in her pillow. "I can't believe I called you Christopher." She said, soft enough that it sounded as if she had only mumbled nonsense. "It was duress, you were not thinking properly." "It's still so unlike me. I never relied on Christopher for anything and especially help with Fletcher." She held the pillow tighter to her body and released a sigh, hoping she would escape the images of Christopher rummaging in her brain. "Why did you stay with him for so long if you never loved him." Severus asked, noticing how different she was acting after mentioning his name. "It's complicated." "Complicated, everything is complicated in some form or another. I understand that his memories are still fresh on your mind, but I also understand that something more has happened to make you act as you do now." "After the incident with Voldemort, I left Hogwarts and returned to my flat in Hogsmeade, he was my neighbor and had been since I graduated Hogwarts. He was always kind to me in the mornings when we left for work, always helping me with my folders and bags. Arthur wanted me to take more time off and I refused, worried that with more time off, I would slowly go insane thinking about everything that had happened and everything that I lost. After he forced me to take the time, I stayed holed up in my flat for three days in a drunken stupor, drinking fire whiskey as if it were water. Christopher visited me on the fourth morning. He broke down my door and found me unconscious on my lounger, blood dried around my scar and the bandages almost green with mold. He took me to St. Mungo's and they tried their best to fix me up, but my neglect of the bandages and my consumption of alcohol made most of the scaring permanent." She stopped, and gathered her thoughts. "Christopher had always flirted with me a bit at the office, i never really listened to him or let it get to me, until he saved me from my depression. After I left St. Mungo's, i returned to my flat and promised myself that i would never let anything like that happen again. I felt obligated to see Christopher again and i guess i was so delusional that I thought what i felt for him was love, but it was merely admiration. After a while, i guess he realized that i didn't truly love him and that's when he began to treat me badly. When we took separate rooms, things just continued to get worse and then somehow i got pregnant and he was happy for a bit. And then it got worse." She stopped; believing that Severus was only interested in the way she felt now and not her former affections. "How could they have gotten worse, i thought he wanted children." "He did, and he was very content, until i started crying in my sleep about Julius and you. I would call out to you, he claimed, for hours asking why you had taken Julius away from me." Severus stared intently into her eyes, feeling something like sadness, though somewhat happy that it was over. "You cried for me and Julius, yes i can see how that might be a problem." "He asked me repeatedly to tell him about you and Julius and i always told him enough to satisfy him for the moment. When Fletcher was born and then when he was sick, Christopher blamed me because i was so sad during my pregnancy. He also claimed that I had consumed alcohol in order to hurt the child. He obviously didn't know me very well. And that day when he accused me of putting my work before him, i felt he finally understood our marriage, i didn't realize how horrible things were going to get." "How then, may i ask, did you stay with him for so long? I believe that you have always been forward and forceful, if you knew you didn't want to be married to him and if he was treating you so horribly, why didn't you leave?" "He had saved me and i felt in debt. When I had Fletcher, i felt my debt repaid because Christopher had wanted a child so bad." "I do hope you understand how children are made, Mrs. Hopkins, as you said you somehow got pregnant." "As i have been pregnant twice, i understand perfectly how children are made, i said somehow because I never slept with Christopher besides our honeymoon and then our anniversaries." "Interesting." "I really shouldn't have told you that." She wrestled with her fingers in her hands and then sighed heavily, wishing sometimes that every thought she thought wouldn't expel from her mouth the moment she thought it. "You're just being truthful." "He used a potion on me, I believe, but I can't say for sure because I don't exactly remember." She peered at him sideways and then lay back down on the bed, her head becoming burdensome. "That is illegal, Hermione, and could be used against him." "The trial is already over, it won't do anything now." "You are being stubborn, that information could've sent him to Azkaban instead of putting him on lockdown and giving him an even more lucrative job at the ministry." Severus stood quickly as if to show her his position on the matter. "I don't want to ruin his life." "So his ruining yours and Fletcher's is all right?" Severus spat at her, his emotions on end. How could someone be so forgiving and blind, this was how all men like Christopher Hopkins won at their game. "He didn't ruin my life." "So having to leave your home in fear of him, being raped by him, and ultimately living in a loveless marriage is not ruining your life. What would you call it?" "I am not afraid of him." "Do you hear the words that are flowing from your mouth, how can you be so blind?" "Should I not forgive him? I have forgiven others who have hurt me or misguided me, why shouldn't I forgive him?" Severus's face turned pale and distant from hers, in belief that she was speaking of himself. "You may live your life as you choose, and you will, but bear in mind that not all people are as forgiving and not all people wish to be reminded of their past transgressions on a daily basis." "What are you implying, Severus?" She held the blankets tight around her body and then sat up triumphantly, wondering why he has suddenly become so angry. "Christopher is a horrible person, I didn't love him nor will I ever, but he and I have a son who must be cared for. Christopher will never know Fletcher and I think that is punishment in itself, not knowing your own child. It is painful and horrifying thinking about losing a child." Hermione's eye pleaded with Severus's to calm down, but he only stood firmer in her wake. "Christopher doesn't deserve your pity nor your forgiveness. He didn't deserve a child and especially not by the means in which he was conceived. Fletcher will be better off without someone as him in his life and so will you." She turned from his glare and found solace in her painting of wildflowers and trees of violent red colors. "Who is to say what anyone deserves, Severus. If I am deserving of Fletcher, why was I not deserving of Julius?" She replied in a whisper, her heart sinking slowly in her chest as she felt the immediate rumble of emotion throughout her body. "I cannot answer that for you, Hermione." "You believe I didn't deserve him!" She whipped her body around and stood to face the dark man, his face alone in madness. "I have no answers." Blankly, she stared into his eyes and felt nothing, not truly anger or sadness. It was the first time she ever recalled feeling that way when looking at him. As if to understand his mother's dilemma, Fletcher began crying from the other room, his voice loud and shrieking through the halls. "If you will excuse me." She swept past him and into the small nursery where Fletcher was singing his discomfort. She felt his forehead and then returned to her rooms to change, Severus still watching her every move. "He has a fever." She changed in front of Severus, no care for being modest and went back to the nursery to find Fletcher's belongings. Without a word, she gathered all of his clothes and his suitcase, as well as hers and went down the long stairs to the door of Severus's home. She turned, surprised that Severus hadn't even come to the top of the stairs, and then apparated to St. Mungo's.
Author notes: Thanks everyone who had reviewed so far. This chapter has been broken into two parts because of its length. I will try to space it better since two people have complained about the spacing. Thanks again!
Chapter 10: To Dance for a Moment: Part 2
The touch of his fingers on her face brought her back to reality and to the fact that she believed she could never feel the way she had on that day. She had felt so miserable and yet so elated in one moment. His fingers found her lips and caressed them delicately as if he was touching the petals of a flower. And without warning he brought his own to hers. She remembered his kisses, light and full of energy as if he hadn't kissed a soul in decades. Her body trembled beneath him, terrified that when she opened her eyes it would be Christopher kissing her instead. "I remember it all." She whispered, pulling the necklace from her neck and showing him the ring, the engagement ring he'd given her those four years before. "You kept it?" He held the ring in his hands and examined it, wondering how he had managed to forget about it so completely. "I wore it for safety, seems your grandmother put a lot of protection spells on it to save someone from harm. Unfortunately I haven't worn it everyday." Hermione took the necklace off and dropped it slowly into Severus's hands. "It's really yours and you should have it. I just couldn't part with it before because I thought I'd never have the chance to give it back properly." She wrapped his hands around it and stepped back to take in his reaction. "I could never take this back, Hermione, once a ring as this has been given, the powers apply only to that person. Once my grandmother passed away, all the powers were restored, and once I gave it to you, the powers became yours. Here." He stepped behind her and fastened the necklace, but before he could move, Hermione grabbed his arms and fell into his embrace. His arms were like stone, yet comforting as pillows or quilts. She had never felt more protected or alone simultaneously . His breath was warm on her neck, like it had always been in the lab and office. He was always looking over her shoulder, breathing on her neck in a way that drove her mad. The music was now slow and soft again, as if Severus's moods and feelings controlled it. She rubbed her eyes a bit in exhaustion and pulled the hair from her face. "Are you tired?" He asked. Sometimes she felt that Severus was the king of asking obvious questions. "A bit, though not enough to leave this place." She could feel him tense a briefly and then relax as she turned to face him once more. Her eyes couldn't place his, they were off on some mountain looking to the sea. She hated that look, the one that told her that she wasn't important in his eyes anymore. She started to leave the room when she realized how selfish she had been, he'd just lost his father after all. "Are they having services for Adonis?" She asked, knowing there was really no perfect time to ask the question, so then was as good as ever. "Two days, in Devonshire where he grew up. Mother won't be attending." "That old bat is still alive...sorry, that was uncalled for." "By all means, blast the wretch. She is not my concern right now for I am sure perfect Sauronis will have concern enough for Mother." He went to his desk and the look that she remembered best appeared to take over his face. He hated his brother. He loved his nephews and his sister-in-law, but his brother was someone he cared never to see again. "Perhaps Sauronis won't make it and then Donavan and Davis can come alone." She offered, but it was obviously the wrong thing to say. "Yes wouldn't that be perfect, they will come here to stay with their Mother and all of her dogs and find you here with an infant they will immediately think is mine. Yes, lets give them that perfect scenario to use against me for the rest of my life. It isn't enough that Sauronis had perfect sons and a perfect fortune, they only have time for family when someone dies." She looked towards him shocked. Was he really that ashamed of her? Without waiting for him to add to his speech, she left him in great speed and went the length of the stairs in what felt like one single leap. She made her way to her rooms and found a wonderfully sleeping child, waiting for her care and attention. She smiled down at him and wondered what dreams he was having in his little dreamland. "You need more than me, poppet, I am afraid we will have to leave here tonight." She couldn't help but want his adoring face in her arms. She found quickly while fights with Christopher brewed that Fletcher's face was a comfort beyond recognizable things. "Won't you wake so I can see you." She pleaded with the sleeping infant. He stirred a little and then awoke with screams and tears, a sight and sound she so desperately needed. With that, she rocked him gently and hoped her comforting arms would slowly lull him back to sleep. Minutes later, when the crying hadn't subsided at all, she began to worry something was wrong. She changed his nappy and his clothes, offered him a bottle, but nothing helped. She placed him back in his crib and hoped that he would eventually fall back asleep. She cursed herself a bit for waking him in the first place. I'm so sorry, Fletcher, what did I do?" She cried feverishly before him, her body exhausted from his screaming. She laid her head down slowly on the floor and fell into darkness. "Hush child, you've made your mother faint." She heard softly, waking from the sleepless dream she'd been in. "Is he still crying?" Hermione asked, not able to fully open her eyes. "He only just stopped, I gave him a small amount of chamomile." "Thank you Christopher, I'll go finish the dinner now, sorry I didn't get to him faster: She tried to stand quickly and realized she wasn't in her home. The room she was in was red, like blood. "Christopher? I am not Christopher." Severus replied, more anger in his voice than he would've liked. He took a swift step towards Hermione and extended his hand to help her stand. "Please don't hurt me, Christopher, I couldn't get here fast enough to calm him. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." She whimpered, falling back quickly to the floor, shivering against the carpet. "Hermione, I am not Christopher, I am Severus Snape. I do not want to hurt you." Severus mouthed hoping to bring her back to reality and calm her down. He knelt in front of her and took both of her hands in his. "You are safe with me always." He assured but she didn't acknowledge his words. She pulled her hands back to her own body and wrapped them tightly around her chest. He waited no more than seconds before he scooped her up and carried to her to bed in the next room. The covers were already drawn as if she had been planning on getting in the bed earlier, so he moved them a little further back and placed her squarely in the middle. She looked dwarf-like in the bed made for a broad. Her eyes were swollen with tears and tiredness, but she was still beautiful to him, in the darkness of the room. "Rest peacefully." "So I can pack tomorrow and get out before Sauronis and his dear sons, whom you once loved I might add, will be here to see me and my son." She replied, finally feeling coherent and more like herself. "I shouldn't have said that, Hermione, I could care less what my brother and his beloved children think of my house guests." "Why did you say it then, if not to make me feel worse than I already do because I can't help you with your grief." Her body felt hot with anger and her skin damp with perspiration. He was further away then she would've liked. "I was angry with myself for getting jealous of my brother whom everyone has always adored over myself and also because he has chided me for ages for not being married or having children. You being here would probably help somewhat." He tried without ease to appease her angered mind. "Well, we will be going soon and then you won't have to be brought from your study to the second floor to quiet a shrieking child and a hopeless mother." She turned from him, now glad that he was a few feet away. The words didn't hold all the meaning she wanted in them, she wanted to thank Severus for allowing her to stay with him, but didn't quite know how to say without sounding childish and repetitive. "You are not hopeless. I have watched you with Fletcher and you are immaculate. You always know when it's time to feed him or change him, he hardly has to tell you anymore. And the way you hold him, as though your back isn't swollen and your arms aching, I can't believe you have the stamina you do. I would have given up ages ago, but you haven't." She tunneled out of the covers to peak at him, his face was softer than she'd ever seen it before, as if he was genuinely concerned about her. "You think I am a good mother?" She asked. "Yes." "Thank you." She flattened her back to the bed and sighed. She hadn't slept in four nights, her mind was worried about Christopher's trial and about Fletcher's blindness. Without hesitation she rolled on her side and beckoned Severus to her side. "You are a much better person than I am and you shouldn't have to explain yourself in such a time of grief. I hope you don't think me completely horrible." "I am afraid the exhaustion has caused temporary insanity." He said, sitting on the edge of her bed. "You have sacrificed yourself for years unafraid, or at least unwilling to admit any apprehension, and my classmates never understood any of it. Every time Ron and Harry said something about you, I defended you, but they never really grasped the idea of your role in the order." She said, sitting up and looking into the eyes of her once love. It wasn't as though she was trying to flatter him, she merely wanted him to understand why she held him so high in her life. "You are too kind." "None of that, Professor." "Professor?" "Sorry, old habit." He chuckled a bit, his head rising and falling in a fit she hadn't seen for many years. It was nice to have him back this way, even if he had just lost the only support from his childhood. "I love to see you laugh." She added, as he laughed a bit more, thinking of her days at Hogwarts and how she always tried to answer every single question she could, even if it meant over-extending her arm a million times. "You should try it yourself." And then he stopped and looked at her, his eyes searching her face as though he hadn't seen her in years. She was first to move this time, her arms were around his shoulders, still sitting on the bed. She couldn't help the need to have him near her, it had been there so many years that it was a part of her. "Thank you for helping me with Fletcher, Christopher never helped me unless I was at work and even then Fletcher was with me." "I am glad I was able to help." Severus ran his hands up and down her back, the feeling of the flannel making his fingertips warm. "You have helped more than you realize." She thought back to their dance in the study and how nice it felt just to have his arms around her once more, even for a second. "Will you go with me to Devonshire?" "Of course, I hoped you would ask me, otherwise I would've followed you and that might have seemed suspicious." He laughed again, but this time, his body fell altogether after he stopped and he mourned on her shoulder. She ran her fingers through his hair and kissed his forehead, trying to comfort him as he was obviously more distraught then he had led on to be. She knew men were trained from an early age to hide all feelings, to store them deep inside and never reveal them to anyone. She was grateful he was mourning, sometimes it was the only thing that helped her through dark periods. "How could I not ask you? Aside from my brother, and the old bat, you are the only other person to have known him recently. He rather enjoyed your company and I know he would've liked to know you were with me." "With you?" She asked, pulling away from him to give him a quizzical look. "Not like that, I mean that you were able to comfort me when Mother and Sauronis were caught up in themselves and the fortune." "You are so cryptic sometimes." She laughed a little and then tightened her hands at the small of his uncovered neck. She had always found his robes itchy...she rather liked when he wore his dress shirts, as they were soft and nice to the touch. "I am not cryptic! You are cryptic; I merely state things in a way that leads everyone to their own conclusions. That's not cryptic, that's simplifying myself for the ignorant." "Such wonderful bedroom chatter." "If this were normal bedroom chatter, there would be none, dear." He chided. "Yes, I recall that now." She pulled away from him slightly and searched his face for her next move. It wasn't always easy, so never easy, to gain emotion from Severus Snape. He was like bland chili where you still enjoyed it, but you could never really understand where the flavor came from. While searching his face, she remembered that she had called him Christopher and more than once, with that she pulled away completely from Severus and found solace in her pillow. "I can't believe I called you Christopher." She said, soft enough that it sounded as if she had only mumbled nonsense. "It was duress, you were not thinking properly." "It's still so unlike me. I never relied on Christopher for anything and especially help with Fletcher." She held the pillow tighter to her body and released a sigh, hoping she would escape the images of Christopher rummaging in her brain. "Why did you stay with him for so long if you never loved him." Severus asked, noticing how different she was acting after mentioning his name. "It's complicated." "Complicated, everything is complicated in some form or another. I understand that his memories are still fresh on your mind, but I also understand that something more has happened to make you act as you do now." "After the incident with Voldemort, I left Hogwarts and returned to my flat in Hogsmeade, he was my neighbor and had been since I graduated Hogwarts. He was always kind to me in the mornings when we left for work, always helping me with my folders and bags. Arthur wanted me to take more time off and I refused, worried that with more time off, I would slowly go insane thinking about everything that had happened and everything that I lost. After he forced me to take the time, I stayed holed up in my flat for three days in a drunken stupor, drinking fire whiskey as if it were water. Christopher visited me on the fourth morning. He broke down my door and found me unconscious on my lounger, blood dried around my scar and the bandages almost green with mold. He took me to St. Mungo's and they tried their best to fix me up, but my neglect of the bandages and my consumption of alcohol made most of the scaring permanent." She stopped, and gathered her thoughts. "Christopher had always flirted with me a bit at the office, i never really listened to him or let it get to me, until he saved me from my depression. After I left St. Mungo's, i returned to my flat and promised myself that i would never let anything like that happen again. I felt obligated to see Christopher again and i guess i was so delusional that I thought what i felt for him was love, but it was merely admiration. After a while, i guess he realized that i didn't truly love him and that's when he began to treat me badly. When we took separate rooms, things just continued to get worse and then somehow i got pregnant and he was happy for a bit. And then it got worse." She stopped; believing that Severus was only interested in the way she felt now and not her former affections. "How could they have gotten worse, i thought he wanted children." "He did, and he was very content, until i started crying in my sleep about Julius and you. I would call out to you, he claimed, for hours asking why you had taken Julius away from me." Severus stared intently into her eyes, feeling something like sadness, though somewhat happy that it was over. "You cried for me and Julius, yes i can see how that might be a problem." "He asked me repeatedly to tell him about you and Julius and i always told him enough to satisfy him for the moment. When Fletcher was born and then when he was sick, Christopher blamed me because i was so sad during my pregnancy. He also claimed that I had consumed alcohol in order to hurt the child. He obviously didn't know me very well. And that day when he accused me of putting my work before him, i felt he finally understood our marriage, i didn't realize how horrible things were going to get." "How then, may i ask, did you stay with him for so long? I believe that you have always been forward and forceful, if you knew you didn't want to be married to him and if he was treating you so horribly, why didn't you leave?" "He had saved me and i felt in debt. When I had Fletcher, i felt my debt repaid because Christopher had wanted a child so bad." "I do hope you understand how children are made, Mrs. Hopkins, as you said you somehow got pregnant." "As i have been pregnant twice, i understand perfectly how children are made, i said somehow because I never slept with Christopher besides our honeymoon and then our anniversaries." "Interesting." "I really shouldn't have told you that." She wrestled with her fingers in her hands and then sighed heavily, wishing sometimes that every thought she thought wouldn't expel from her mouth the moment she thought it. "You're just being truthful." "He used a potion on me, I believe, but I can't say for sure because I don't exactly remember." She peered at him sideways and then lay back down on the bed, her head becoming burdensome. "That is illegal, Hermione, and could be used against him." "The trial is already over, it won't do anything now." "You are being stubborn, that information could've sent him to Azkaban instead of putting him on lockdown and giving him an even more lucrative job at the ministry." Severus stood quickly as if to show her his position on the matter. "I don't want to ruin his life." "So his ruining yours and Fletcher's is all right?" Severus spat at her, his emotions on end. How could someone be so forgiving and blind, this was how all men like Christopher Hopkins won at their game. "He didn't ruin my life." "So having to leave your home in fear of him, being raped by him, and ultimately living in a loveless marriage is not ruining your life. What would you call it?" "I am not afraid of him." "Do you hear the words that are flowing from your mouth, how can you be so blind?" "Should I not forgive him? I have forgiven others who have hurt me or misguided me, why shouldn't I forgive him?" Severus's face turned pale and distant from hers, in belief that she was speaking of himself. "You may live your life as you choose, and you will, but bear in mind that not all people are as forgiving and not all people wish to be reminded of their past transgressions on a daily basis." "What are you implying, Severus?" She held the blankets tight around her body and then sat up triumphantly, wondering why he has suddenly become so angry. "Christopher is a horrible person, I didn't love him nor will I ever, but he and I have a son who must be cared for. Christopher will never know Fletcher and I think that is punishment in itself, not knowing your own child. It is painful and horrifying thinking about losing a child." Hermione's eye pleaded with Severus's to calm down, but he only stood firmer in her wake. "Christopher doesn't deserve your pity nor your forgiveness. He didn't deserve a child and especially not by the means in which he was conceived. Fletcher will be better off without someone as him in his life and so will you." She turned from his glare and found solace in her painting of wildflowers and trees of violent red colors. "Who is to say what anyone deserves, Severus. If I am deserving of Fletcher, why was I not deserving of Julius?" She replied in a whisper, her heart sinking slowly in her chest as she felt the immediate rumble of emotion throughout her body. "I cannot answer that for you, Hermione." "You believe I didn't deserve him!" She whipped her body around and stood to face the dark man, his face alone in madness. "I have no answers." Blankly, she stared into his eyes and felt nothing, not truly anger or sadness. It was the first time she ever recalled feeling that way when looking at him. As if to understand his mother's dilemma, Fletcher began crying from the other room, his voice loud and shrieking through the halls. "If you will excuse me." She swept past him and into the small nursery where Fletcher was singing his discomfort. She felt his forehead and then returned to her rooms to change, Severus still watching her every move. "He has a fever." She changed in front of Severus, no care for being modest and went back to the nursery to find Fletcher's belongings. Without a word, she gathered all of his clothes and his suitcase, as well as hers and went down the long stairs to the door of Severus's home. She turned, surprised that Severus hadn't even come to the top of the stairs, and then apparated to St. Mungo's.
