Author's Notes::: Okay so I got bored and I started this thing up again. I'm a bit more motivated and have a good idea where I want it to go so I'll stick with it. And if people yell at me enough I'll get a chapter up a day... Please read and review or flame or complain. I don't care as long as I get something in that cute little review box. But really, please!! It gives me double motivation to keep writing!!! :o) And Susan, I love you! Thank you so much for all the support!!

~*~

He set the last of the discharge orders onto the pile, taking a glance at the board. It's 2:27 in the morning. His body still hasn't gotten used to the time change, even though it's been one week. He searched around, but everyone was either sleeping, or sitting around playing cards. He looked for Jerry and yelled that he was going to lie down for a while. Sleep deprivation is key when working in a county hospital. It's a huge change from Africa, the ultrasounds, the paperwork, the labs, the tests, everything. It's all beneficial, maybe not always necessary, but it helps. He swung the door open to the suture room. They never used it unless they were completely packed. Tonight is not one of those nights, so he might be able to get some sleep before a huge morning trauma comes in along with his morning cup of coffee. He started walking toward the gurney on the other side of the room when he realized he wasn't alone. He shifted toward the bed, and saw her sleeping figure. He watched her chest rise and fall with every breath, the same way he used to right after they made love. He decided against staying the room, it would only cause him more torture. He started toward the door when he heard her body move on the bed.

"Carter?"

He turned around, she was barely visible in the nocturnal light.

"Sorry. I thought this room was empty."

She shook her head, running her hands through her hair. He could finally make her out from the dark, his eyes adjusted to the limited light. She was leaning on her elbows, looking at him. She let out a sigh, and sat up. It's been awkward lately, they haven't talked, avoided each other at all costs except in trauma. He started to open the door, she's been keeping away from him for a reason, and he will never find that reason out. The door is shut by a quick push of her hand. She's standing a few inches away from him, her arm brushing up against him. She starts to lean up against the door, he starts to move back.

"We've got to figure out where we stand."

He shrugged his shoulders. He doesn't know where they stand, there is no point in trying to figure it out. He knows where he stands with her. He knows he will always be drawn to her, he will always want to be with her, and she will always hurt him. It's inevitable, a disaster from the beginning that one is bothering to stop. He started to trudge toward the gurney, pushing the security bar down and sitting down. He observed her calm step, she's completely in control and he's an emotional wreck. He's only been in the same room with her for a few seconds and he's mesmerized by her. She sits down next to him, leaving her clogs on the floor, and sitting crossed legged. He shifts his body so he's farther away from her. He needs his space, the distance that can only prove beneficial in the end.

"So where do we stand?"

His first words echo through the empty room. They should have turned on a light, it might look less suspicious the gossiping ER, but neither one is ready to get up to do it. Silence is the most painful, hurtful, evil thing that has ever been invented.

"I don't know."

He looked up at her, her bangs beginning to frame her face, falling in front of her eyes. A simple instinct, his hand went up and pushed those strands back. A reminder of the old times, the times he didn't have to hesitate to give her a kiss, a hug, or to hold her hand. Times where he could tell her to lean against him, and she would without hesitating. Times that he missed, the best times of his life. His thumb ran over her cheeks, she started to move back, he only held onto her tighter. His one link to the past. A link to the future pain as well. He wanted to remember the deep secrets in her brown eyes, the hidden mysteries behind her smile. He wanted to feel the hopelessness when her darkest hour hit and wanted to feel the burden of every single problem they shared.

"Abby . . . "

He watched her gaze go from him to the checkered tile floor. He pushed her chin up to meet him, she was trying to avoid the truth, to somehow control destiny and detour fate. He could read it from her expression, the truth was never far from the surface. He knew her better than she knew herself. He could read her like a book, he had learned how. Many had tried and failed because they had given up, he hadn't. He now was thankful for that. He saw the stone walls being built and destroyed at the same time.

Every limitation he had disappeared. It was unavoidable. He knew it would happen, it only happens with her. Like a bad habit that no one can ever get rid, a horrible addiction. She was his drug. His eyes closed, his body moved, his lips met hers. The constant emptiness that had been following him throughout the last months had disappeared in milliseconds. His body moved toward her, the kiss deepening, desires and needs exposed. Her hands hold on to his neck, holding on and trying to push him away. His tongue invades her mouth, a simple habit, yet complex and internecine. She nibbles on his bottom lip, breaking the kiss. He steals another short one. He sees her in the dull light, misery and regret starting to spread upon her face. His eyes follow her movements, distances becoming greater and greater. She gets off the gurney, walking toward the door.

"We're right back where we started."

Her voice hits him like a ton of bricks. They had both changed in many ways, these aren't the same two people that he had known before. Both are more mature, more aware of the heartbreak the world can cause.

"No, we're not."

His voice came out low, almost unheard.

"You are."

The door slams shut leaving him a blackness unlike any other, a pain that he has never felt before, a regret that will never erase itself from his memory.