Author's Notes::: This week has been crazy for me. I have a full schedule and just so much to do. i'm going to work on a few chapters but I'll post every couple days. I want to keep this thing going because I'm more interested now... LOL.. Anywas as promised, Susan this chapter is dedicated to you and your awesome on the stop capabilites.. You are absolutely amazing and you know that! Love you and thank you!!! And Kat cause I dont' know where I would be without you.. And no I did not cite it. I should have I know. Lock me up forever and throw away the key ;o) Please review!!!! Thanks!!!
~*~
He followed the winding paths of the city streets into oblivion. Each mile he walked, the sun seemed to set deeper and deeper into the dark waters of the lake. It could have been so different. This was one of those things that only fate controlled. He thought he was doing the right thing by leaving, by giving them both space. Time is the one thing that they shouldn't have been given. It made them fall apart. She was strong-willed and determined; nothing stood in her way. She refused to ask for help, even when she needed it. It was one of the things that initially drew him to her. The fact that she was dependant on no one but herself. He was soon drawn to the truth, and she was a spiritless pile of flesh. Yet he was still drawn to her. He would always and forever be drawn to her. No matter what she did.
He had wanted a family. Time was ticking and he wanted to be able to relate to his children, to show them the best things it had to offer. He thought he had a future with Kem, which disintegrated into a million pieces and was swept away by the wind. He could have had everything if he had only stayed. He could have had his family. He could have still had Abby. Now he possessed nothing but a heavy, lugubrious soul that mourned the innocent. Life is filled with so many possibilities, possibilities to make mistakes. The thunder roared in the distance, an impending storm soon to show its ugly rathe. The first sprinkle started, soaking him with time, sending a chill through his body. He walked the distance back to the L, his clothes sticking to his body, the rain starting to pour harder and faster.
The ride home was quiet and uneventful. A family was in the car with him, a woman and man, with two little girls and a baby boy in her arms. He wondered about the little one he could have had in his arms right now. Would she have brown hair? Or would she be blonde? Would she have green eyes or brown eyes? Would she look like him or more like Abby? The tears welled in his eyes, but they disappeared. Crying wouldn't help anyone or anything. He got off the train, being met by the freezing rain. He could catch pneumonia and die, a simpler solution to this catastrophe. He slowly walked toward the mansion, a hidden appreciation that he was going to be alone tonight. He walked through the metal gates and up the pathway, the thunder and lightning not having any effect on him. He ascended up the stairs, his head hanging low, paying attention to the wet cement. He pulled out his keys, but suddenly dropped them. His body froze, then began to sake from the combined cold and anger. Her small figure walked out of the shadows and started to come closer toward him.
"What do you want?"
He didn't want to see her, nor did he want to be anywhere near her. She had ripped away the one thing he wanted more than life itself. She moved closer to him, starting to wrap her arms around his body. He remained stiff and unwilling. It took willpower, more willpower than he thought he possessed. He wanted to take her shivering body into his arms and hold her, whisper that everything would be okay into her ear. But he wasn't so sure it would be. It probably wouldn't be. He pried her arms off of him, pushing her back. She held back sobs of remorse or pain.
"John . . . "
He looked at her if she was a speck of worthless trash on this earth. His eyes burned right through her, degrading her, destroying her.
"Get away from me."
He watched her move toward him, he moved back reflexively.
"I'm sorry . . . "
Her hands reach up to wrap around his neck, he grabs them, holding them in the air.
"You have no place here anymore. I never want to see you again."
He pushed her back, sending her flying across the front walkway. He heard her body hit the cold and wet cement floor, but he ignored her. Pain is all she deserves to feel, nothing more. No remorse, no regret, just pure mental and physical pain. He turns toward her, looking at her pathetic form.
"You are a worthless manipulative drunk. You don't deserve to live."
He met her brown eyes in a locked gaze, the statement hanging in the air, as if it was a permanent scar upon her perfect skin. He saw the words soak into her mind, her expression changing every second longer it lasted. The silence could have destroyed the earth.
"You're right."
A simple whisper, barely heard over the rumble of thunder.
She began to pick her body off of the floor, walking closer to him.
"I've learned through life that I hate myself. I hate everything about me . . . Down to the last breath I take . . . But I'll always love you . . . "
He turned around, ignoring her words, breaking her gaze. He wasn't going to let her take control of him again. He wasn't that vulnerable. His key turned the lock open to the mansion, and he quickly walked in, slamming the door on her, on their future together, on love. It might have been the hardest battle he had ever fought, and he might regret it for years, till his dying day, but it was the only way out. He took off his soaked shoes, leaving them near the door, walking up the carpet stairs toward the upstairs bathroom. He peeled his clothes off his body, they were sticking to him, smelling like fresh rain and dirty secrets at the same time. He turned the water on, letting the water warm and steam. He let the water pound against his sore back, the water hitting him rhythmically. He wanted to wash away the knowledge he possessed, the feelings he held. But it was only water, and it would never have that power. He stepped out, his body tired.
He pulled on a pair of pants and collapsed upon the warm sheets. How he wanted to have her next to him, her head on his chest, his arm wrapped around her body, his lips tracing small kisses upon her neck and chest. He wanted to feel her on top of him, rocking a steady motion. He would never have it, and he would always long for it. When they were together, it seemed so natural. He never doubted that there would be a time where he wouldn't have her. Now he only wants her, but she's untouchable. He set her on that pedestal. Untouchable. His eyelids slowly began to close, sending him into an even deeper world. His dreams would wake him, send him screaming and sweating, making his heart beat and pulse race. There was no control. The future a dull memory, the past a illusion.
~*~ Review Responses ~*~
carbylobsterandavrilfan::: I'm sorry to say it, but he sorta does resent her. I mean she did take his kid away from him...
CARBYforever:: You might wanna go back and re-read the last chapter... Fine is not exactly the world I would use to describe the baby's condition...
IDontWriteIJustRead:: Thanks so much for reviewing and putting up with me.. Again.. LOL You were one of my favorite reviewers for my last one... :o) And don't worry too much I know where I want this story to go, it's just getting it there is going to take a bit of arguments and tears and all that great drama and angst...
Carbybubbles:: Well thank you. I hope you like it.. I promise to update whenever I get a chance..
Maven:: Yup. Intense is my key right now. It's gotta build up to the climax...
Mela:: Carter is an idiot. He shouldn't have left. But he did.
And to everyone else:: Thank you so much for reviewing!!! You have no clue how much it means to me. Write anything you want.. Good or bad.. Thanks :o)
~*~
He followed the winding paths of the city streets into oblivion. Each mile he walked, the sun seemed to set deeper and deeper into the dark waters of the lake. It could have been so different. This was one of those things that only fate controlled. He thought he was doing the right thing by leaving, by giving them both space. Time is the one thing that they shouldn't have been given. It made them fall apart. She was strong-willed and determined; nothing stood in her way. She refused to ask for help, even when she needed it. It was one of the things that initially drew him to her. The fact that she was dependant on no one but herself. He was soon drawn to the truth, and she was a spiritless pile of flesh. Yet he was still drawn to her. He would always and forever be drawn to her. No matter what she did.
He had wanted a family. Time was ticking and he wanted to be able to relate to his children, to show them the best things it had to offer. He thought he had a future with Kem, which disintegrated into a million pieces and was swept away by the wind. He could have had everything if he had only stayed. He could have had his family. He could have still had Abby. Now he possessed nothing but a heavy, lugubrious soul that mourned the innocent. Life is filled with so many possibilities, possibilities to make mistakes. The thunder roared in the distance, an impending storm soon to show its ugly rathe. The first sprinkle started, soaking him with time, sending a chill through his body. He walked the distance back to the L, his clothes sticking to his body, the rain starting to pour harder and faster.
The ride home was quiet and uneventful. A family was in the car with him, a woman and man, with two little girls and a baby boy in her arms. He wondered about the little one he could have had in his arms right now. Would she have brown hair? Or would she be blonde? Would she have green eyes or brown eyes? Would she look like him or more like Abby? The tears welled in his eyes, but they disappeared. Crying wouldn't help anyone or anything. He got off the train, being met by the freezing rain. He could catch pneumonia and die, a simpler solution to this catastrophe. He slowly walked toward the mansion, a hidden appreciation that he was going to be alone tonight. He walked through the metal gates and up the pathway, the thunder and lightning not having any effect on him. He ascended up the stairs, his head hanging low, paying attention to the wet cement. He pulled out his keys, but suddenly dropped them. His body froze, then began to sake from the combined cold and anger. Her small figure walked out of the shadows and started to come closer toward him.
"What do you want?"
He didn't want to see her, nor did he want to be anywhere near her. She had ripped away the one thing he wanted more than life itself. She moved closer to him, starting to wrap her arms around his body. He remained stiff and unwilling. It took willpower, more willpower than he thought he possessed. He wanted to take her shivering body into his arms and hold her, whisper that everything would be okay into her ear. But he wasn't so sure it would be. It probably wouldn't be. He pried her arms off of him, pushing her back. She held back sobs of remorse or pain.
"John . . . "
He looked at her if she was a speck of worthless trash on this earth. His eyes burned right through her, degrading her, destroying her.
"Get away from me."
He watched her move toward him, he moved back reflexively.
"I'm sorry . . . "
Her hands reach up to wrap around his neck, he grabs them, holding them in the air.
"You have no place here anymore. I never want to see you again."
He pushed her back, sending her flying across the front walkway. He heard her body hit the cold and wet cement floor, but he ignored her. Pain is all she deserves to feel, nothing more. No remorse, no regret, just pure mental and physical pain. He turns toward her, looking at her pathetic form.
"You are a worthless manipulative drunk. You don't deserve to live."
He met her brown eyes in a locked gaze, the statement hanging in the air, as if it was a permanent scar upon her perfect skin. He saw the words soak into her mind, her expression changing every second longer it lasted. The silence could have destroyed the earth.
"You're right."
A simple whisper, barely heard over the rumble of thunder.
She began to pick her body off of the floor, walking closer to him.
"I've learned through life that I hate myself. I hate everything about me . . . Down to the last breath I take . . . But I'll always love you . . . "
He turned around, ignoring her words, breaking her gaze. He wasn't going to let her take control of him again. He wasn't that vulnerable. His key turned the lock open to the mansion, and he quickly walked in, slamming the door on her, on their future together, on love. It might have been the hardest battle he had ever fought, and he might regret it for years, till his dying day, but it was the only way out. He took off his soaked shoes, leaving them near the door, walking up the carpet stairs toward the upstairs bathroom. He peeled his clothes off his body, they were sticking to him, smelling like fresh rain and dirty secrets at the same time. He turned the water on, letting the water warm and steam. He let the water pound against his sore back, the water hitting him rhythmically. He wanted to wash away the knowledge he possessed, the feelings he held. But it was only water, and it would never have that power. He stepped out, his body tired.
He pulled on a pair of pants and collapsed upon the warm sheets. How he wanted to have her next to him, her head on his chest, his arm wrapped around her body, his lips tracing small kisses upon her neck and chest. He wanted to feel her on top of him, rocking a steady motion. He would never have it, and he would always long for it. When they were together, it seemed so natural. He never doubted that there would be a time where he wouldn't have her. Now he only wants her, but she's untouchable. He set her on that pedestal. Untouchable. His eyelids slowly began to close, sending him into an even deeper world. His dreams would wake him, send him screaming and sweating, making his heart beat and pulse race. There was no control. The future a dull memory, the past a illusion.
~*~ Review Responses ~*~
carbylobsterandavrilfan::: I'm sorry to say it, but he sorta does resent her. I mean she did take his kid away from him...
CARBYforever:: You might wanna go back and re-read the last chapter... Fine is not exactly the world I would use to describe the baby's condition...
IDontWriteIJustRead:: Thanks so much for reviewing and putting up with me.. Again.. LOL You were one of my favorite reviewers for my last one... :o) And don't worry too much I know where I want this story to go, it's just getting it there is going to take a bit of arguments and tears and all that great drama and angst...
Carbybubbles:: Well thank you. I hope you like it.. I promise to update whenever I get a chance..
Maven:: Yup. Intense is my key right now. It's gotta build up to the climax...
Mela:: Carter is an idiot. He shouldn't have left. But he did.
And to everyone else:: Thank you so much for reviewing!!! You have no clue how much it means to me. Write anything you want.. Good or bad.. Thanks :o)
