One year later
A black car crashed through the 'Welcome to Sunnydale' sign and skidded to a halt. The occupant got out, stared worriedly at the town and sighed.
"Home sweet home."
Spike got back into the Desoto and ran his hands nervously through his still bleached blond hair. It had however, gotten slightly longer and it curled at the nape of his neck. He still wore his long leather duster and customary black attire. He looked almost exactly as before, but you should never judge a book by it's cover.
He was as nervous as hell at the mere thought of seeing Buffy again. He took a deep breath and a swig of whisky from his flask to calm his nerves, and drove away in the direction of her house.
He walked slowly up to her door, almost shaking with fear.
"Get a hold of yourself mate." He took yet another deep breath and knocked.
Dawn opened the door and screamed.
"Er... Hello Nibblet," he said uneasily.
She just stood there gaping at him with her mouth wide open.
"Spike?" she managed to squeak out, after a while.
"Um... Yeah, Lil' bit, it's me. How have you been?"
"If you really cared about that you would've stuck around and seen for yourself," she told him hotly, quickly getting over her surprise at seeing him.
"I'm so sorry Sweetheart, I wanted to be here with you, believe me. It almost killed me having to leave."
Dawn's expression softened. She stared at her feet.
"I missed you."
"I missed you too, Pet. Did you get my letters?" he asked softly.
"Yeah," she looked up at him, "but it wasn't the same as having you here, and I couldn't write back because you didn't send me the address of where you were. I thought we were best friends. How could you just leave like that without saying anything?"
"Can I come in Bit? Or do I have to stay out here all night?" he changed the subject.
She moved aside and let him in. He stood in the hallway uncomfortably with his hands in his pockets.
"Um... Spike..." She turned to regard him. "You have to know that a lot of things changed around here while you were away."
"It's to be expec..." he broke when he heard the sound of a baby crying upstairs. "Nibblet? What's that noise?"
"Um... That? Well..."
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Please tell me that Buffy didn't have a child with another man while I was away. If she did, I want you to stake me right here and now, I couldn't bloody take it!" he told her emotionally.
"No! Spike... She didn't... I... Erm you see... the baby is mine."
Spike tried his hardest to process this new information in a way that wouldn't make him over-react. He took another deep breath, which he took far too many of for someone who didn't need to breathe.
"Nibblet - how? When? Who? How. how could you ruin your life like this?"
"I didn't ruin my life, I love my... um, my daughter very much, she's the best thing that's ever happened to me. Now excuse me! I have to go see to her, you can wait in the living room."
Spike went into the living room. He noticed that hardly anything had changed in the house. Except for the baby things scattered about.
A few minutes later, Dawn came back down the stairs holding the little baby with the utmost of care. She walked over to the sofa and sat down next to Spike.
"Would you like to hold her?" she asked him softly.
"Um... I don't think... I don't really know how," he confessed.
"It's easy," she placed the baby carefully in his arms. "Just support the head... yeah, exactly like that."
Spike gazed down at the little bundle in his arms. She was one of the most beautiful things that he'd ever seen in his life. She had the brightest blue eyes, a perfect tiny little button nose and the cutest little mouth. She gazed back at up at him.
"She's so beautiful," he said with awe.
Dawn smiled at the site of the Vampire holding the baby with such care.
"She's perfect, isn't she?"
"Yeah Bit, she's perfect... I still can't believe you have a baby though. I still see you as my baby," he told her, tears shining in his eyes. The baby let out a little yawn and her eyes began to droop shut. "What's her name?" he whispered, not wanting to disturb her.
"Well... she doesn't have one yet, she's 3 months old but it didn't feel right choosing her name without her fath... er we haven't thought of a suitable name for her yet. We've just been calling her the baby."
"Nibblet? Where's Buffy?" he murmured, still looking at the baby.
"She's still out patrolling, she should be home soon."
"Um... how..." he cleared his throat. Dawn knew what he meant.
"She's OK...She wasn't for quite a long time, she really missed you."
"She did?" he questioned.
"Yeah, when you left, she was a real mess for a long time, then she found out about the baby and managed to pull her life together. For my sake and the baby's"
"I didn't mean to hurt her... or you." His voice broke with emotion.
"I know Spike, I know." A while later Dawn heard the back door open and carefully got up.
She had been curled around Spike's arm. He had seemed physically and emotionally exhausted as she caught him up on what had been going on during his absence. Dawn had to edit a few of the events so that they fit with the story that she'd told him. She'd been telling him about Xander and Anya's wedding when he'd fallen asleep.
"Buffy?"
"Dawnie, what are you doing up so late? I'm sorry I didn't come back sooner, there was this big slime demon and he was going to..." She saw her sister's worried expression. "What's wrong? Did something happen to the baby?"
"No Buffy, she's fine."
Buffy breathed a sigh of relief.
"It's about Spike..."
"Why? Have you heard from him? Is he OK? He's not. dead, is he?" Buffy drew the breath back in.
"You are so paranoid! No he's fine... It's just... He's here, Buffy."
"What?! He's what?" Buffy tried to comprehend what this meant.
"He fell asleep on the sofa, We were waiting for you to get back. He looked so tired..."
Buffy walked into the living room and felt a rush of different emotions.
Spike was fast asleep on the sofa with the baby held securely in his arms, her head tucked under his chin. They both looked so peaceful cuddled up together. The sight made Buffy start crying softly.
"Buffy? Are you OK?" Dawn asked her. She led her sister back into the kitchen and sat her on a stool.
"I'm OK Dawnie, it's just a lot to see him again... and with the baby like that... I just..."
"It's alright, Buffy." Dawn gave her sister a hug.
"Well? What did he say when he found out about her?" Buffy asked worriedly.
"He doesn't know yet, I thought I'd give you the chance to tell him when you were ready."
"What? Dawn? What do you mean? He obviously already knows about her," she said, confused.
"No he doesn't. I told him that she was mine. He doesn't know that she's his daughter," Dawn smirked.
Buffy carefully extricated her daughter from her father's arms. She didn't want to disturb either of them. He stirred in his sleep.
"Mmf... Buffy." he mumbled.
She smiled. 'Still dreaming about me, hmm?' she thought to herself.
She carried the baby upstairs, placed her gently in her cot and tucked her in.
"I love you," she whispered and kissed her forehead. The baby let out a little gurgle in her sleep.
She went back downstairs and sat down quietly next to Spike. She studied his face. He looked so adorable when he was asleep, so beautiful and innocent. He didn't look any different than he had a year ago, which shouldn't have surprised her. He was a Vampire after all. Something about him seemed different though. She couldn't quite put her finger on what it was.
She put the palm of her hand on his cheek and then began to trace his features with her finger tips. She ran them over his cheekbones, down his nose, over his bottom lip and finally, over the scar on his eyebrow.
His eyelids fluttered as he began to wake up, he leaned into her touch before he realised who it was that was touching him in that way.
"Buffy?!" he pulled away and sat up straight. "I...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep like this, I'll come back another day," he stammered nervously.
"No Spike, we need to talk," she informed him grimly
"Yes we do... but it's very late, you must be tired. Are you sure you don't want me to come back at a better time?" he asked her.
She took a deep breath "I want you to know... that, that night... I didn't mean what I said. I was confused and worried..."
"Buffy you shouldn't be apol-"
"Don't interrupt me," she told him firmly. "I've wanted to say this for such a long time, so just sit quietly while I get it out."
He regarded her with awe. Gone was the unsure girl he once knew, and in her place was a confident self-reliant woman. In that moment he knew that he loved her as much as, if not more than, before.
"Where was I?"
Erm... somewhere around confused." He gave her a little smile, as if to experiment his standing with her.
"I said no interruptions," she snapped, but with a little smile of her own.
"I was confused and worried about my friends finding out about us like that. I didn't realise how much you meant to me. The things I said to you were inexcusable, but I wasn't using you. Yes, I was ashamed of what would happen when my friends found out I was sleeping with a monster, but I hadn't realised that you hadn't been a monster for a very long time, and no- one saw you as evil anymore. I was foolish and hiding behind my own insecurities and for that I'm sorry." She paused. "But I still can't forgive you for leaving me when I needed you the most."
Spike had tears in his eyes for the second time that night. He slid off the sofa and knelt at her feet. He felt tumultuous feelings that were beginning to overcome him.
"Luv. I'm so sorry I had to leave, I didn't want to, but being with you and knowing that you would never love me was bloody torture!" he told her desperately. Tears streamed down his cheeks, but he didn't care. "I had to go out and find my place in this world, I knew that my entire existence couldn't revolve around you. I went to figure out who or what I am. I thought about you every minute I was gone. My heart ached to be with you and my whole body was screaming for me to go back and beg you for forgiveness."
He grasped her hand tightly. Silent tears were rolling down her face.
"I'm sorry for what I said to you too. If there was a way that I could've stayed I would have found it. I just wanted to give you what you deserved. All I want is for you to be happy."
"You leaving didn't make me happy. It nearly killed me," she sobbed. "You always knew exactly what to say, and how to comfort me. But you weren't there, you left! Just like every man I ever loved: My father, Angel, Giles. I thought you would never leave like that. I trusted you."
He pulled her into his arms and held her tightly to him. She didn't resist and relaxed into him.
"But you didn't love me, Kitten!" he murmured sadly.
"Why are you so certain about that?" she asked softly. She looked thoughtful for a moment. "I do know that I still care a lot for you, I still want you in my life."
He didn't know how he was supposed to take that comment. "Luv, we both said some pretty awful things... do you think we can forgive and forget and start over?" he asked, willing her to see that he had changed.
"Start over? Like how?" she pulled away from him gently and regarded him.
He sat back onto the sofa next to her. "Well... how about we go patrolling tomorrow, start with that and then see what happens from there?" he asked hopefully.
She looked into his eyes and saw deep pain. Pain that had come from the thought that he had hurt her. She knew deep down inside that he loved her unconditionally, and that if he had known how much his leaving had hurt her, he would'nt have done it.
She paused for a few seconds, thinking about his proposal. "Sounds good... Spike, I know you didn't mean to hurt me," she smiled. She certainly had deep feelings for him and wanted him in her and their daughter's life. This was a good way for them to take things slowly one step at a time, and she could figure out just how much he meant to her.
"So we're friends?" he held out his hand
"Friends." She shook his hand in agreement. "Then we'll take it from there."
They stood up and she saw him to the door.
"Night Pet!" he kissed her on the cheek. "I promise I'll never leave you again unless you want me to. Please believe me when I say that wild horses couldn't keep me away from you again." He silently pleaded with her to believe him.
"Goodnight Spike!" she watched him walk to his car and drive away. 'One thing's for certain,' she thought to herself, 'that man still has a very nice ass.'
A black car crashed through the 'Welcome to Sunnydale' sign and skidded to a halt. The occupant got out, stared worriedly at the town and sighed.
"Home sweet home."
Spike got back into the Desoto and ran his hands nervously through his still bleached blond hair. It had however, gotten slightly longer and it curled at the nape of his neck. He still wore his long leather duster and customary black attire. He looked almost exactly as before, but you should never judge a book by it's cover.
He was as nervous as hell at the mere thought of seeing Buffy again. He took a deep breath and a swig of whisky from his flask to calm his nerves, and drove away in the direction of her house.
He walked slowly up to her door, almost shaking with fear.
"Get a hold of yourself mate." He took yet another deep breath and knocked.
Dawn opened the door and screamed.
"Er... Hello Nibblet," he said uneasily.
She just stood there gaping at him with her mouth wide open.
"Spike?" she managed to squeak out, after a while.
"Um... Yeah, Lil' bit, it's me. How have you been?"
"If you really cared about that you would've stuck around and seen for yourself," she told him hotly, quickly getting over her surprise at seeing him.
"I'm so sorry Sweetheart, I wanted to be here with you, believe me. It almost killed me having to leave."
Dawn's expression softened. She stared at her feet.
"I missed you."
"I missed you too, Pet. Did you get my letters?" he asked softly.
"Yeah," she looked up at him, "but it wasn't the same as having you here, and I couldn't write back because you didn't send me the address of where you were. I thought we were best friends. How could you just leave like that without saying anything?"
"Can I come in Bit? Or do I have to stay out here all night?" he changed the subject.
She moved aside and let him in. He stood in the hallway uncomfortably with his hands in his pockets.
"Um... Spike..." She turned to regard him. "You have to know that a lot of things changed around here while you were away."
"It's to be expec..." he broke when he heard the sound of a baby crying upstairs. "Nibblet? What's that noise?"
"Um... That? Well..."
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Please tell me that Buffy didn't have a child with another man while I was away. If she did, I want you to stake me right here and now, I couldn't bloody take it!" he told her emotionally.
"No! Spike... She didn't... I... Erm you see... the baby is mine."
Spike tried his hardest to process this new information in a way that wouldn't make him over-react. He took another deep breath, which he took far too many of for someone who didn't need to breathe.
"Nibblet - how? When? Who? How. how could you ruin your life like this?"
"I didn't ruin my life, I love my... um, my daughter very much, she's the best thing that's ever happened to me. Now excuse me! I have to go see to her, you can wait in the living room."
Spike went into the living room. He noticed that hardly anything had changed in the house. Except for the baby things scattered about.
A few minutes later, Dawn came back down the stairs holding the little baby with the utmost of care. She walked over to the sofa and sat down next to Spike.
"Would you like to hold her?" she asked him softly.
"Um... I don't think... I don't really know how," he confessed.
"It's easy," she placed the baby carefully in his arms. "Just support the head... yeah, exactly like that."
Spike gazed down at the little bundle in his arms. She was one of the most beautiful things that he'd ever seen in his life. She had the brightest blue eyes, a perfect tiny little button nose and the cutest little mouth. She gazed back at up at him.
"She's so beautiful," he said with awe.
Dawn smiled at the site of the Vampire holding the baby with such care.
"She's perfect, isn't she?"
"Yeah Bit, she's perfect... I still can't believe you have a baby though. I still see you as my baby," he told her, tears shining in his eyes. The baby let out a little yawn and her eyes began to droop shut. "What's her name?" he whispered, not wanting to disturb her.
"Well... she doesn't have one yet, she's 3 months old but it didn't feel right choosing her name without her fath... er we haven't thought of a suitable name for her yet. We've just been calling her the baby."
"Nibblet? Where's Buffy?" he murmured, still looking at the baby.
"She's still out patrolling, she should be home soon."
"Um... how..." he cleared his throat. Dawn knew what he meant.
"She's OK...She wasn't for quite a long time, she really missed you."
"She did?" he questioned.
"Yeah, when you left, she was a real mess for a long time, then she found out about the baby and managed to pull her life together. For my sake and the baby's"
"I didn't mean to hurt her... or you." His voice broke with emotion.
"I know Spike, I know." A while later Dawn heard the back door open and carefully got up.
She had been curled around Spike's arm. He had seemed physically and emotionally exhausted as she caught him up on what had been going on during his absence. Dawn had to edit a few of the events so that they fit with the story that she'd told him. She'd been telling him about Xander and Anya's wedding when he'd fallen asleep.
"Buffy?"
"Dawnie, what are you doing up so late? I'm sorry I didn't come back sooner, there was this big slime demon and he was going to..." She saw her sister's worried expression. "What's wrong? Did something happen to the baby?"
"No Buffy, she's fine."
Buffy breathed a sigh of relief.
"It's about Spike..."
"Why? Have you heard from him? Is he OK? He's not. dead, is he?" Buffy drew the breath back in.
"You are so paranoid! No he's fine... It's just... He's here, Buffy."
"What?! He's what?" Buffy tried to comprehend what this meant.
"He fell asleep on the sofa, We were waiting for you to get back. He looked so tired..."
Buffy walked into the living room and felt a rush of different emotions.
Spike was fast asleep on the sofa with the baby held securely in his arms, her head tucked under his chin. They both looked so peaceful cuddled up together. The sight made Buffy start crying softly.
"Buffy? Are you OK?" Dawn asked her. She led her sister back into the kitchen and sat her on a stool.
"I'm OK Dawnie, it's just a lot to see him again... and with the baby like that... I just..."
"It's alright, Buffy." Dawn gave her sister a hug.
"Well? What did he say when he found out about her?" Buffy asked worriedly.
"He doesn't know yet, I thought I'd give you the chance to tell him when you were ready."
"What? Dawn? What do you mean? He obviously already knows about her," she said, confused.
"No he doesn't. I told him that she was mine. He doesn't know that she's his daughter," Dawn smirked.
Buffy carefully extricated her daughter from her father's arms. She didn't want to disturb either of them. He stirred in his sleep.
"Mmf... Buffy." he mumbled.
She smiled. 'Still dreaming about me, hmm?' she thought to herself.
She carried the baby upstairs, placed her gently in her cot and tucked her in.
"I love you," she whispered and kissed her forehead. The baby let out a little gurgle in her sleep.
She went back downstairs and sat down quietly next to Spike. She studied his face. He looked so adorable when he was asleep, so beautiful and innocent. He didn't look any different than he had a year ago, which shouldn't have surprised her. He was a Vampire after all. Something about him seemed different though. She couldn't quite put her finger on what it was.
She put the palm of her hand on his cheek and then began to trace his features with her finger tips. She ran them over his cheekbones, down his nose, over his bottom lip and finally, over the scar on his eyebrow.
His eyelids fluttered as he began to wake up, he leaned into her touch before he realised who it was that was touching him in that way.
"Buffy?!" he pulled away and sat up straight. "I...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep like this, I'll come back another day," he stammered nervously.
"No Spike, we need to talk," she informed him grimly
"Yes we do... but it's very late, you must be tired. Are you sure you don't want me to come back at a better time?" he asked her.
She took a deep breath "I want you to know... that, that night... I didn't mean what I said. I was confused and worried..."
"Buffy you shouldn't be apol-"
"Don't interrupt me," she told him firmly. "I've wanted to say this for such a long time, so just sit quietly while I get it out."
He regarded her with awe. Gone was the unsure girl he once knew, and in her place was a confident self-reliant woman. In that moment he knew that he loved her as much as, if not more than, before.
"Where was I?"
Erm... somewhere around confused." He gave her a little smile, as if to experiment his standing with her.
"I said no interruptions," she snapped, but with a little smile of her own.
"I was confused and worried about my friends finding out about us like that. I didn't realise how much you meant to me. The things I said to you were inexcusable, but I wasn't using you. Yes, I was ashamed of what would happen when my friends found out I was sleeping with a monster, but I hadn't realised that you hadn't been a monster for a very long time, and no- one saw you as evil anymore. I was foolish and hiding behind my own insecurities and for that I'm sorry." She paused. "But I still can't forgive you for leaving me when I needed you the most."
Spike had tears in his eyes for the second time that night. He slid off the sofa and knelt at her feet. He felt tumultuous feelings that were beginning to overcome him.
"Luv. I'm so sorry I had to leave, I didn't want to, but being with you and knowing that you would never love me was bloody torture!" he told her desperately. Tears streamed down his cheeks, but he didn't care. "I had to go out and find my place in this world, I knew that my entire existence couldn't revolve around you. I went to figure out who or what I am. I thought about you every minute I was gone. My heart ached to be with you and my whole body was screaming for me to go back and beg you for forgiveness."
He grasped her hand tightly. Silent tears were rolling down her face.
"I'm sorry for what I said to you too. If there was a way that I could've stayed I would have found it. I just wanted to give you what you deserved. All I want is for you to be happy."
"You leaving didn't make me happy. It nearly killed me," she sobbed. "You always knew exactly what to say, and how to comfort me. But you weren't there, you left! Just like every man I ever loved: My father, Angel, Giles. I thought you would never leave like that. I trusted you."
He pulled her into his arms and held her tightly to him. She didn't resist and relaxed into him.
"But you didn't love me, Kitten!" he murmured sadly.
"Why are you so certain about that?" she asked softly. She looked thoughtful for a moment. "I do know that I still care a lot for you, I still want you in my life."
He didn't know how he was supposed to take that comment. "Luv, we both said some pretty awful things... do you think we can forgive and forget and start over?" he asked, willing her to see that he had changed.
"Start over? Like how?" she pulled away from him gently and regarded him.
He sat back onto the sofa next to her. "Well... how about we go patrolling tomorrow, start with that and then see what happens from there?" he asked hopefully.
She looked into his eyes and saw deep pain. Pain that had come from the thought that he had hurt her. She knew deep down inside that he loved her unconditionally, and that if he had known how much his leaving had hurt her, he would'nt have done it.
She paused for a few seconds, thinking about his proposal. "Sounds good... Spike, I know you didn't mean to hurt me," she smiled. She certainly had deep feelings for him and wanted him in her and their daughter's life. This was a good way for them to take things slowly one step at a time, and she could figure out just how much he meant to her.
"So we're friends?" he held out his hand
"Friends." She shook his hand in agreement. "Then we'll take it from there."
They stood up and she saw him to the door.
"Night Pet!" he kissed her on the cheek. "I promise I'll never leave you again unless you want me to. Please believe me when I say that wild horses couldn't keep me away from you again." He silently pleaded with her to believe him.
"Goodnight Spike!" she watched him walk to his car and drive away. 'One thing's for certain,' she thought to herself, 'that man still has a very nice ass.'
