Author's Note: Anyone for mush? ^_^


Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Bioware, Interplay, or the Baldur's Gate series other than copies of the games themselves and an overactive imagination. Thank you. ^_^


Journey to the North
Chapter XIII

Kaelis stretched languidly under the thick woolen blanket, then relaxed with a deep sigh of utter contentment. She could see the sun shining red through her closed eyelids. It was morning.

She smiled, slipping her arms out from under the blanket to stretch them high over her head, then let them fall back to the pillow. Yes, it was morning, and she was going to eventually have to open her eyes, but for the moment, she was warm and comfortable, and happier than she had been in months.

She could hear a few voices outside. For the most part, the men spoke in low murmurs, but occasionally a laugh would dance through the air, or a song would grow and fade as the singer moved through the camp. It was comforting enough, but it was also keeping her from going back to sleep, and at last Kaelis opened her eyes with a breathless groan of defeat.

She rolled over onto her side, snuggling down as far as she could into the thin pillow. She was in Anomen's hut, she knew. She vaguely remembered being carried into the tent well after midnight, so exhausted after her frantic ride that she could barely keep her eyes open. She had all but fallen asleep with her head on Anomen's shoulder, his arm wrapped protectively around her waist. It had felt so… perfect.

They were sitting in front of the fire with some of his men, laughing and telling stories, many of which included Anomen and herself and the more interesting of the battles that they had faced together. Yes, she knew where she was because she could remember being picked up and carried in his strong arms, but more than that, she could smell Anomen's familiar fragrance on the blankets pulled up around her chin, in everything around her.

She could see his characteristic neatness in the weapons standing against the wall in the corner, in the shining plate mail that leaned against the large desk in the corner. Only this one piece of furniture was in disarray, papers piled high and scattered over one another, maps and communiqués floundering in a sea of reports and memorandums. She smiled to herself sadly, imagining the stresses and worries that had forced her beloved, orderly Anomen into a reluctant life of disarray.

She heard a shuddering sigh from one corner of the small shelter, and quickly turned her eyes toward the sound. She smiled slowly at what she saw.

Anomen sat in the corner on a narrow stool, his head wearily leaning against the wall and a thin blanket pulled up to his chin. His untidy hair was falling into his closed eyes and over the blanket, and his mouth was open slightly in sleep. She could see the faint puffs of his breath shining like moonlit clouds in the chilly morning air.

The blanket shivered occasionally, as did the body under it. Kaelis smiled and shook her head softly, raising herself up on one elbow. He murmured something in his sleep, then shifted slightly and turned his head into what Kaelis sincerely hoped was a more comfortable position. She watched for a moment more, then pushed back the blankets with one hand and slipped her feet to the floor. She pulled one of the warm woolen blankets off of the bed, then padded quietly across the icy floor toward her trembling lover.

The hut was small enough that it took her only a few steps to reach Anomen's makeshift sleeping arrangement. She dropped silently to her knees in front of him and lifted the heavy blanket, gently draping it over the knight's massive frame. He shifted again, whispering something that sounded suspiciously like her name, but his eyes remained closed, and soon his breathing resumed its steady rhythm.

Kaelis sat back on her heels, smiling, content simply to watch the regular rise and fall of Anomen's chest as he slept. He looked so different from the last time that she had seen him. His hair was quite a bit longer, and his beard, of which he had always been so proud, lay untrimmed and uncombed upon his strong jaw. There were a few new lines around his eyes, and there were dark circles under them that spoke of sleepless nights.

The dimples, however, were still there, faint shadows upon his cheeks that spoke of a familiar smile, and his dark lashes left curly shadows upon his high cheekbones. Kaelis sighed softly without quite realizing it, almost wishing that Anomen would wake so that she could see the endless blue of his eyes and feel the warmth of his smile.

She whispered his name softly, but his eyes remained closed. She reached up to brush a lock of hair from his eyes, but there was still no response. After a moment, Kaelis bit the inside of her lip thoughtfully, then rose to her knees and gently brushed her lips against his.

Anomen started under her touch, and his eyes flew open. He looked around for a moment in sleepy bewilderment, but when he found Kaelis' eyes, he smiled drowsily and relaxed, letting his head fall back against the wall. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse with sleep, but there was laughter in his words and no doubt in his closed eyes.

"So now you throw yourself at my feet?" He chuckled softly, and Kaelis' heart tightened pleasantly at the sound. "Hardly fitting behavior for the daughter of a God, don't you think? Flinging yourself relentlessly at a helpless and humble knight…."

"Humble?" Kaelis joined in his laughter, leaning forward to rest her elbows on Anomen's knees. "I was under the impression that I was flinging myself relentlessly at you."

Anomen laughed again and opened his eyes, sitting up. "Now, that's a bit unfair, don't you think?"

Kaelis arched a single delicate eyebrow. "Well, you haven't always been so charming, you know…."

Anomen smiled wryly, deepening the dimples in his tanned cheeks. "Well, perhaps not." He dropped the blankets and rubbed both hands over his face, grunting softly as he tried to push the sleep from his eyes. He dropped his hands and looked around with a sigh, blinking a few times against the morning light.

"Morning's come already, has it?" He shifted to stretch the muscles of his back, making a face. "I could have used a few more minutes of sleep, you know…." He threw Kaelis an irritated glance that held more than a hint of amusement, and she laughed.

"Well, tomorrow I just won't wake you."

A slow smile crept over Anomen's lips, and he slipped his powerful arms around Kaelis' waist, pulling her up into his lap. "Mmm… You won't, will you? Then I fear I will just have to wake you…."

Kaelis laughed and put up a token resistance that faded instantly under Anomen's kiss. His lips were warm, and soft, and she could taste the faintest hint of last night's wine upon them. She sighed softly and circled her arms around his shoulders, tangling her fingers in his tousled hair as she surrendered to his embrace. Anomen groaned softly and pulled Kaelis closer, moving his hands gently over the small of her back. She could have remained there forever, but at last, with a visible effort, Anomen pulled away and looked into her eyes.

"How long have you been awake?"

Kaelis smiled, pulling her arms from around his shoulders and laying them on his broad chest. Anomen lifted one of her hands in his own, then pressed it to his lips, his eyes locked on hers. Kaelis smiled, feeling a faint flush coloring her cheeks. "Long enough to realize that you're a silly lovesick fool."

He laughed quietly, massaging her fingers with his and sending a thrill through her. "Yes, and…?"

She smiled, leaning forward to kiss him softly. "How long did you sit in that freezing corner, watching me sleep in your bed?"

Anomen yawned widely and let go of her fingers, rubbing his large hand over his face again. "I managed to sleep for a few hours after you fell asleep. I watched you for some time, and wanted to watch you forever, but…." He smiled and shrugged his massive shoulders, then raised one dark eyebrow with a grin.

"And I was perfectly comfortable, thank you."

Kaelis laughed, raising her eyebrows. "Is that so?" She reached forward to brush another lock of hair from Anomen's eyes.

"Your eyes are supposed to be blue, love." She let her finger trail down his cheek and over his lips. "Your lips are not."

Anomen gave a low chuckle and pulled her close, his eyes roaming slowly over her face. "Well, to be perfectly honest, my Lady, I had entertained the idea of joining you in the bed, but…." He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, returning his eyes to hers. The laughter was still there, but mixed with an intensity that set Kaelis' heart racing.

"I fear that I did not entirely trust myself."

Kaelis let out a whispered chuckle and moved to stand, but Anomen kept her close, tightening his arms around her waist. When she looked back at him, the frustrated smile on her lips faded. His own smile had disappeared and he was watching her intently, his eyes moving leisurely over her face as if he were trying to memorize every line, every detail. At last he shook his head softly, whispering in almost reverent awe.

"You… are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen…."

Kaelis smiled, looking down as she felt the color rising in her cheeks. She took a deep breath, trying to find the right words… any words, but she was at a complete loss. Anomen paused for a moment, then lifted her chin with his finger and gazed deeply into her eyes.

"What is it?"

Kaelis' smile widened slightly and she shook her head, lowering her eyes again. "I… just don't know what to say."

"Tell me that you love me."

Kaelis raised her eyes, laughing softly as she lifted a small hand to brush Anomen's hair from his forehead. "I love you, Anomen…."

He quickly captured her hand with his, curling his fingers around it and holding it next to his chest. Kaelis looked at him in surprise, intertwining his fingers with his as she tilted her head in an unspoken question. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came forth. He tried again, with the same result. The third time, he managed to speak, his words little more than a hoarse whisper.

"Marry me, Kaelis."

Kaelis smiled and kissed him softly. "I will, Anomen. You know that. When all of this is over, we can go back to Athkatla and…."

Anomen shook his head slowly, his sapphire eyes still moving over her face. "No… I want to marry you before another sun sets, Kaelis. This day… this very minute. I… don't think I can spend another night without you in my arms…." He lifted his eyes to hers, swallowing hard before he spoke again. "Please… marry me."

"Anomen…." Kaelis gazed at him in a stunned silence for several minutes. "I…. "

"My love…." He searched her eyes, his voice beseeching.

At last Kaelis looked away, taking a deep breath to force her racing heart into a steady rhythm. "Anomen, we… can't…." She looked up, wordlessly pleading for him to understand. "Not now."

He cut her off. "Why not?" He laughed quietly and nodded toward the door of the hut. "Nearly two score priests stand outside this tent, Kaelis. As though we need them. I am a priest myself. We could speak our vows this very moment, and none could deny…."

Kaelis shook her head, frowning as she tried again to pull herself out of Anomen's arms. "No, Anomen. They could. And we couldn't."

Anomen relented and let her slip away; the smile instantly vanished from his lips. When he spoke, his voice was pained, and held a note of bitter disbelief. "You cannot mean…. Have… you changed your mind, then? Is there to be no future for us?"

Kaelis looked at him quickly, sighing miserably. "Anomen, I want to be your wife. You know that. But right now I don't think…."

Anomen stood and took a step toward her, shaking his head. "I don't understand, Kaelis. We are together now, after so long apart. We love each other… There is no reason to delay. If you feel as I do… If you love me as I love you… If you… need me as I need you."

The frustration and desire in his eyes was unmistakable, and Kaelis swallowed hard against the frightened knot growing in her stomach. She knew how he felt, for she was feeling the same way herself, and wanted nothing more than to rush into his arms and surrender to his passion, but she shook her head and took a single step back. When she spoke, her voice trembled slightly, but she managed to put her thoughts into words.

"I do, Anomen. Never doubt that I love you. That I need you. More than anything in this world. But it is because I love you that we must wait…."

Anomen took another step forward, shaking his head slowly. "We have waited, Kaelis. I have followed you to Hell, and back again, faced my darkest fears to be at your side. I have fought beside you, and held you in my arms as you trembled in your dreams. So many nights I watched you sleep, wanting to hear you whisper my name in the darkness, to feel your touch on my skin. I… am only a man, Kaelis. And you…."

Kaelis took a deep breath. "Anomen…."

He took a few steps toward her and encircled her again in his arms. She could not resist, and he lifted her chin with a strong finger so that she could not avoid his gaze. "Kaelis, I swore you once that I would wait to love you… Until the time was right. Until I had given you my life, and you had given me the same. Until you were my wife. I ask that of you now."

She could feel his heart beating heavily behind the cotton tunic, could feel the tension in his arms. He whispered so softly that she barely heard his words. "Why… must we wait another moment?"

Kaelis took another deep breath and closed her eyes, pulling her chin away from his grip. "Anomen, you know what the Order would say if we married. What the Order has said…." She opened her eyes and lifted them to his again. "What Wessalen has said…."

"It doesn't matter anymore." Anomen shook his head as Kaelis began to argue, and he pulled her closer until she could feel his breath on her lips. "Listen to me, please."

"I love you, Kaelis. Not in spite of who you are, but… because of who you are. I have seen you struggle with your destiny, and I cannot pretend to understand what you have been through. My own inner conflict is nothing. But I have seen you face the darkness with such… strength… and gentleness… with laughter, when you had no reason to laugh. You are a light in the shadow. An angel in a realm of demons. If they cannot see… then they are fools. And I no longer care.

"I want to marry you, Kaelis. To have you always at my side, to hold you always in my arms. To listen to you singing as our sons fall asleep on your ivory shoulder. To wake with you every morning smiling at the memory of your breathless sighs in the night…."

"Every morning?"

An ardent smile tugged at the corners of Anomen's mouth. "Every morning, my love…."

Kaelis laid her forehead against Anomen's firm chest, sighing softly through her own smile. "That doesn't sound so bad, but… There will be time for that, my love. There will be time for all of that. But now it not that time…."

Anomen slipped his arms from around her, laughing softly as he ran a large hand through his tangled hair. "Perhaps I am alone in my frustration. Do you not find it… difficult… to wait, when we are here now… together? Do you not wish…?"

Kaelis laughed quietly, then took a trembling breath as her eyes took in Anomen's figure. His tunic was open at the neck, revealing an impressive expanse of bronzed chest, a faint dusting of dark hair. His broad shoulders strained at the fabric of the tunic, and even now she could see the smooth rippling of the muscles in his arms. His hair fell over his shoulders in disheveled waves and clung to the moisture of his full, smiling lips. She took another deep breath, whispering.

"You have no idea…."

Kaelis watched him for several moments. Suddenly Anomen took a single step forward. He said nothing, but almost unconsciously took her face in his hands, his eyes dropping hungrily to her lips. "Don't I?"

Kaelis could say nothing. Anomen moved slowly closer, his lips parting slightly in expectation as they drew near to hers. He brushed her lips with his once, as lightly as a breath, then raised his head and looked into Kaelis' eyes. He spoke quietly, but adamantly, his voice moving smoothly through the words.

"I, Anomen Delryn, son of Cor and Moirala, pledge my life to you, Kaelis, daughter of…."

Kaelis shook her head softly, suddenly understanding. "Anomen…."

He shook his head, not pausing in his words. "Kaelis, daughter of…."

Kaelis opened her mouth to speak again, but both Kaelis and Anomen were interrupted by a sudden knock at the door. Kaelis looked quickly at the doorway, unsure whether to be angry or relieved. Though she should have been relieved, she recognized what Anomen had been about to do, and though she should have been angry with him, she found that it was very difficult.

Anomen, in turn, sighed and closed his eyes, his shoulders slumping slightly as he said wearily, "Yes?"

A young knight that Kaelis recognized as Andren peered into the hut, coloring slightly as he saw the rather personal position in which Kaelis and Anomen found themselves. He flashed an apologetic, almost bashful smile at Kaelis before looking at Anomen.

"I beg your pardon, my Lord, but… Sir Ryan Trawl has arrived."

"Sir… Ryan?" The surprise very nearly pushed the disillusionment from Anomen's voice.

"Yes, Sir." The young knight seemed somewhat excited. "He has brought a fresh contingent from Athkatla, no less than two hundred men, my Lord." He glanced quickly at Kaelis.

"As well as the Lady's companions. Begging your pardon, Sir Anomen… my Lady, but… Sir Ryan wishes to speak with the both of you as soon as possible." Andren smiled wryly. "And the druid Jaheira has been… demanding to speak with the Lady since the moment she arrived."

Anomen looked at Kaelis, an unspoken question in his sapphire gaze. Kaelis looked at Anomen for several heartbreaking moments in silence. She knew what answer he was waiting for, but she was suddenly terrified, and turned to Andren. She hoped her voice was not shaking as badly as her hands.

"Of… Of course. Just let me find my…." She stopped as Anomen held out her long woolen cloak. She had not asked for it, but he offered it anyway. He was studiously avoiding her eyes. Kaelis took the cloak from his hands without a word, fighting the piercing ache in her heart as she looked at his slightly drooping shoulders.

"Anomen…."

He shook his head. "Go, Kaelis. There will be time for that…." He echoed her words, his voice catching on the last. He continued. "There will be time for all of that, but this is not that time."

Kaelis nodded slowly, swallowing the lump in her throat. "I love you, Anomen."

Anomen looked up, smiling faintly, though it did not reach his eyes. "I know. And I love you."

Kaelis watched him a moment longer, then turned and followed Andren out of the tent. As she walked away from the tiny shelter, she almost thought she could hear a muffled cry. Then a dull thud, as if a large body had fallen unheeding on a very small cot, and a metallic crash as if one piece of armor had been thrown against another.

Kaelis slowed her steps, then stopped. She turned and looked back at Anomen's tent, almost taking a step back. After a long moment, Andren looked back at her, confusion in his eyes.

"My Lady?"

After another long pause, Kaelis looked up into the soldier's questioning brown eyes. She nodded slightly, then began to move forward again, gripping the shoulders of her cloak until her knuckles turned white. Her words disappeared quickly into the wind, but she spoke them anyway.

"I'm sorry, Anomen."