REQUIEM
Chapter 5: Interlude

Disclaimer: see chapter 1

Hanging around Some kind of lonely clown Rainy days and Mondays Always get me down.

Rainy days and Mondays
By the Carpenters.

Sleet was sheeting down from darkening skies, the chill outside pretty much matching the way I was feeling inside. Asuka and Manny had left about an hour back, telling me they wanted me over at their place tomorrow to celebrate New Genesis with them and their family. I readily agreed, but the warmth I felt faded all too soon.

Family.

That was the crux of the whole matter. I really had never had a family. My life was one big empty space when it came to that, one long string of abandonment and multiple betrayals. Sure, others had tried to substitute their companionship as a surrogate, but it just wasn't the same. It could never be.

"Still running, Shinji?"

I think that maybe I was. I think, way down deep, the idea of having a family, of becoming part of one scared the shit out of me. I knew who and what was waiting for me back stateside. Part of me yearned for it, craved it like nothing else. And then, there was that frozen, deeply scarred part that told me to avoid it, avoid the possibility of ever being hurt again.

But if you don't feel pain, then how can you know what happiness really is?

All this thinking was making my head hurt. I felt truly weary, all the way down to my soul. I closed the blinds and lay in bed. Soon, lulled by the crystalline cry of the sleet against my window, I fell asleep.

Hey, I recognized this place! God knows I had been here enough. It was an all-too familiar train car.but very much changed! All the doors were open, and there seemed to be a building outside. Dust lay heavily on most of the seats. A hammock stretched across the width of the car, flanked by empty pizza boxes and containers of Chinese takeout. I heard footsteps, accompanied by someone whistling a tune that sounded familiar, but I couldn't quite place. The Whistler soon came into view.

"Hey, buddy! Long time no see!"

It was my younger self of course. He was chowing down on a Falafel sandwich with plenty of tahini and hot sauce and a coke to round it out.

"You keep eating like this, you're gonna get one helluva gut!

My self smirked. "Never happen. I'm just a pigment of your imagination, remember? Now what's the hubbub, bub?"

"Well, I thought I was doing ok until now, I mean, I didn't need anyone..."

My other self looked down my pants and shirt, then checked my hair roots

"Nope, no sex change here, and you are not in any danger of becoming a 14 year-old redhead."

Had me there; that was classic Asuka material, all right.

"Girl trouble? Or just a bad case of cold feet?" My younger self looked askance at me. "Buddy, you've got no problems here that I can see."

"But what if I screw things up? What kind of husband, much less father would I be?" I received a very loud razz berry at this.

"Well, as far as screwing up goes, who hasn't? The thing is you don't avoid it. You deal with it. You try to improve. Then you move on." He paused to take a gulp of the soda

"As far as the father thing goes, it's good to start thinking about it, but you've still got time before you even have to start worrying." He then got a perfectly devilish look on his face.

"Hey, I got an Idea! Use Gendo as your role model"

"ARE YOU NUTS??? "

"Far from it. Just look at the bastard king, see everything he was.and then be completely the opposite. Use him as a NEGATIVE model!!"

I couldn't help but smile at that. I was everything that he wasn't, so why not take the step into raising a family. I smiled even more broadly when I realized that everything was in perspective now. They say that home is where the heart is, and I knew now, for the first time, where my home and heart truly lay. And it was not in Japan!

Seemed I had a phone call to make.

My younger self got this self satisfied smirk on his face. "You have learned well, grasshopper. Somehow, I think I'm not going to see you here anymore"

"Maybe not."

"About time. More than past time that this station got closed up. Well, I think I ought to show you the way out. But before I do, I gotta go change into something a bit more comfortable."

I watched in astonishment as cracks ran rampant all over the form before me. It flexed, and then burst. Standing before me was a different form, the same one that I saw when I looked in the mirror. Me as I am now. The other I was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt with a picture of a berserk EVA- 01. The logo read "I survived 3rd impact and all I got was this crummy t- shirt!!" A pair of Nike sneaks completed the ensemble.

"Ahhh, much better! Why so surprised, bud? You finally faced the fact that you're an adult. D'ya think your perception of yourself wouldn't change too?"

He patted me on the back, as he led me towards the exit. I stopped, and looked around for a minute. "You know, I'm almost going to miss this place."

"Yeah, but all things must end. This property condemned, you know." He bent, picking up some boards, nails, and a hammer. "Time to seal this place up once and for all" At the exit, he turned. "You don't need me like this anymore. You've got lots of other people who care for you now. Believe in them. Believe in yourself" He then turned, and walked back to the station, whistling. And this time, I knew the tune.

"I been workin' on the railroad, all the livelong day.."

Wise-ass.

I woke up, checked the time. 3 a.m. Perfect. She should be home now.

I picked up the phone.