Mark, Jesse, and Amanda walked dazedly through the halls towards Mark's office.  The banter that usually filled the hospital corridors ceased when the trio passed by.  Not a word was uttered; everyone's emotions were too high.  The silence rang out louder then a code blue.  

When they finally reached the office, it was as if Amanda had been pulled out of a trance.  Pacing the floor, Amanda began speaking rapidly and somewhat incomprehensibly, asking the question they all wanted to know the answer to: why Steve?

Mark took a seat behind his desk, picking up the framed photograph of his son.  Running his thumb down the frame, he let the tears fall down, streaking the glass that covered the picture.   That photo had been taken the day Steve became a detective; it had been one of the most memorable, along with one of the most nerve-wracking days of his life.  Now, he remembered why.

Jesse, on the other hand, remained staring straight ahead as he sank in to one of two hardwood chairs.  Noiselessly crying, tears falling to the carpet, his head in his hands; it was a rueful sight.  Dozens of thoughts ran through his head, yet he comprehended all but one: Steve was dead.

Suddenly, from frantic mutterings, Amanda exclaimed, "Ellen!" she began madly punching Steve's ex-fiancé's number.  Before she could finish, Jesse stood and gently guided her hand to replace the receiver back on its holder.

"Amanda," he said in a hushed voice.  "There are a lot of people who knew Steve in one way or another.  They will be notified.  But, this time is for the three of us."

"You're right.  I guess I was looking for an escape.  I still can't believe he's…"Amanda's voice trailed off, leaving her crying by Jesse's side.  "I just don't want to face the truth."

"None of us want to.  But it happened, and that can't be changed," Jesse sighed and wiped the salty tears off his face. 

The door opened as Amanda laid a comforting hand on Mark's shoulder.  They all looked up to see Sergeant Tanis Archer, Steve's partner, walk in, not crying, but obviously not at peace. 

"I'm so sorry, Dr. Sloan.  Steve was a wonderful detective and a wonderful man," she took a seat next to Mark and shook her head sadly.  "I only knew him a few months…"

"Have you talked to any of the other officers at the scene?" Jesse asked, wanting to know firsthand what happened to his friend.

"Actually, yes.  Lieutenant Doug Malick was there; he came in just a little while ago," Tanis breathed deeply, preparing herself for what she was about to say.  "Apparently, Michael Landers, the shooter, took aim at Malick.  From what Malick told us, Steve saw it coming, dove in front of him and took the shot instead."

"Oh my God," Amanda whispered.

"They apprehended Landers a few blocks down," Tanis continued.  "Mark, Steve died a hero. You should be proud of him."

Mark spoke up for the first time since the tragedy. "I'd rather have him alive than a hero."

"Believe me, I wish the same thing," Amanda said.

For the next few minutes, they all sat in silence, reflecting on their fallen friend, son, and comrade.  Suddenly, Jesse stood and opened a small bottle from a drawer in his bag. Pouring out a handful of small white pills, he held out his hand to the group.  "Sedatives," he said.  "To get you through the first night."

Amanda and Tanis each selected a pill and looked at Mark, who remained stationary.   "Aren't you going to take one?"

Mark sat for a few seconds, and when he spoke, his voice was quiet and sullen.  "I don't want to."

"But Mark —"

"Don't you understand?  Drugging ourselves into a stupor isn't going to change anything!"  he shouted, standing up. 

"Calm down, Mark!" Jesse said soothingly.  "I think this situation has left you somewhat incoherent."

"I know exactly what I'm saying!"  Mark started walking around the room.  "All that's going to come of this is; I'm going to black out for a few hours, and when I crawl out of that little capsule, nothing will have changed.  Steve will still be dead."

"I know that nothing will change, Mark.  The medicine will just help you forget for the time being," Jesse said, offering the pill to Mark, who thrust it away.

"Why don't you get it?  My son is dead.  I don't want to forget," Mark broke down on Jesse's shoulder, sobbing.  "Steve wouldn't want us to forget."

Tears sliding down his cheeks, Jesse held Mark close to him, saying, "He was my friend; I know what you're thinking.  But knowing Steve, he wouldn't want us to sit around feeling sorry for ourselves, either.  We have to respect his memory.  I mean, if he were here, we'd all be laughing at something he said or discussing case files."

"If Steve were here, we wouldn't need to worry about what we're going to do now that he's gone," Mark whispered.

No one could say anything to that; Mark had a point.  After a minute or two of devastated silence, Amanda slowly reached forward to place the sedative back in Jesse's hand.  Tanis followed suit.

"I'm just going to go home," Amanda said.  "I have a lot to think about.  I'll talk to you all tomorrow."  Closely followed by the sergeant, she walked out the door, leaving Jesse and Mark.

"I'm going to go, too," Jesse, brushing tears off his face, managed to say.

"Take care, Jess," Mark called behind him, and when the door was safely shut, he sat down and cried for his lost son.

Driving home, Jesse tried to focus on the road, but his mind kept drifting back to Steve.  When he arrived at his empty apartment, he dropped his duffle bag at the door and went into his bedroom.  Not bothering to change from his scrubs, he collapsed on the bed, unleashed sobs racking his tried body.  Tears pouring down his face, he cried late into the night, and into the morning, and eventually to sleep, with only the beating of his lonely heart to comfort him.