Author's Notes – This is slightly new territory for me; I've not written very much from a first person perspective before so I'd really appreciate some constructive criticism on this piece. Obviously I don't own Ginny Weasley or any other characters from JK Rowling's Harry Potter series, and the song 'Out of Reach' belongs to Gabrielle.
Many thanks to my Beta and friend, Lil Lupin. ^_^
~Not The Perfect Match~
I was so excited when I heard about the Yule Ball. Who wouldn't be? All the third years were hopeful that an older student would extend an invitation of a date. Though of course, I was waiting for just that one special person … if only Harry would notice me.
Looking down the House table, I could see him talking in a low voice to Ron about the upcoming dance. He'd been so brave in the first task; facing a Hungarian Horntail armed with only his wand and his broomstick. I just knew he'd win the Tournament; the other Champions didn't stand a chance.
But now that the traditional Yule Ball was approaching, as one of the Champions, Harry was supposed to open it with his dance partner. Which meant one lucky girl would get to go on a date with him.
Absentmindedly doodling hearts with arrows through them all over my Astronomy chart, I wondered about the possibility of Harry asking me to go with him. Did he ever think of me as anything other than his best friend's little sister?
Knew the signs
Wasn't right
Surely there was something there: he'd saved my life once, risking his own life to do so. How romantic is that?
I'd sent him an anonymous Valentine card that year; well it would have been anonymous if that git of a Malfoy hadn't ruined it. He'd made some snide comment about me being Harry's girlfriend when we had the misfortune to run into him at Diagon Alley earlier that year.
I was stupid for a while
I never could figure out whether or not Harry liked me. My vocal cords just seemed to break down whenever he was around, so it wasn't like I could just ask him. I was such a klutz, knocking things over when he spoke to me, and going a shade of red to rival a beetroot. I'd never felt so tongue-tied in all my life. I don't know what he must have thought of me.
Swept away by you
And now I feel like the fool
Should I have asked Harry to go to the Ball with me? I know it was supposed to be the guys who asked the girls out but there wasn't anything wrong with it being the other way around; was there? Would he say yes if I did ask? Maybe he'd ask me first. The Ball wasn't far away, so he had to be thinking about whom he was going to ask.
I closed my eyes and imagined him wearing those lovely green dress robes Mum had bought for him.
Happily daydreaming of how handsome he'd look, I tried to envision myself on his arm. My own dress robes were a dark purple; but would that clash with the green? Maybe I ought to have talked Luna Lovegood into lending me hers; the pale peach would have been a good match. She wasn't bothered about going or even remotely interested in dancing.
I could just imagine dancing with Harry; his arm encircling my waist, my hand in his, and seeing that smile, knowing it was for me and no one else.
Harry stood up and started to head out of the Hall. As he passed, I smiled sweetly and silently command him to turn and look. But he didn't. Too engrossed in his conversation with Ron and Hermione, he passes me without acknowledging my existence. The smile slid off my face as I watched him go.
So confused, my heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn't see
We were never meant to be
*
The days were crawling by and still Harry hadn't asked me to go accompany him to the Ball. I convinced myself that he was simply waiting for the right moment. He was a guy, surely he wasn't going to ask me out in front of too many people; he was probably worried that I'd say no.
I was beyond furious when I heard that Catherine Turret from Hufflepuff had actually asked Harry to go with her to the Ball! How dare she? It wasn't exactly a secret that I liked him … she knew I waiting for him to ask me, so why did she try to ruin it? Spiteful moose; just because I spilt my Shrinking Solution on her cat … But he turned her down! I was so relieved. He was Harry Potter; he wasn't going to settle for just anyone. All I had to do was wait.
Catch myself from despair
I could drown if I stay here
But the closer the Ball came, the less certain I felt. The Ball was only a fortnight away and I was still without a date. Was Harry never going to ask me? Of course he was, I just needed to be patient that was all.
Keeping busy every day
I know I will be okay
'Ginny?'
With a grimace, I looked up from my essay. I wasn't in a great mood. There were only a few days to go until the Ball, I was still date-less, and I had a ton of extra homework generously awarded to me by Snape when he caught me doodling hearts with the initials HP and GW entwined in the centre when I should have been taking notes on Shrinking Solutions. I'd forgone watching the Gryffindor team's training session in favour of getting through my work when the library wasn't so crowded. It was early on a Saturday morning; most people were putting off their homework assignments until much later. I need the quiet to be able to concentrate, and interruptions never sit well with me when I'm grumpy from lack of sleep and in the middle of composing a complex definition of a diminution catalyst.
So, my head snaps up and I open my mouth to tell whomever it was to bog off for derailing my train of thought, when I realised it was Neville Longbottom standing in front of me. Feeling guilty, I shut my mouth. Neville is possibly the sweetest guy you will ever meet – no one (except a Slytherin of course) would have the heart to be nasty to him.
'Oh, hi,' I said.
'Hi!' said Neville, a little too brightly. He seemed really nervous. Not the frightened-nervous every student gets from attending Snape's class when you possess a reputation for blowing up cauldrons, this was definitely a giddy-nervous. Neville was smiling broadly but his eyes had an imploring look about them and his voice was somewhat higher than normal.
'Er …,' he said, glancing about nervously. He seemed to be checking whether anyone was close enough to overhear because he lowered his voice slightly and said, 'Ginny, I was … um, just wondering if … er … well, if you're not going … to the … to the, er …'
Eloquent as always. I smiled, suddenly feeling a tad nervous myself.
'To the Yule Ball?' I tried. Neville's face beamed appreciably and he nodded vigorously.
'Yes! The Ball. Er … what I'm trying to say is …' he paused, glanced down at his twisting hands and blurted out, 'Ginny, will you go to the Ball with me?'
I stared at him.
But I was …
So confused, my heart's bruised
Neville's face fell, taking my silence as a rejection.
'Oh, you're already going with someone else.' He said it as a statement rather than a question. But it wasn't true. I looked up at his anxious face, so full of disappointment. No one had asked me out before. Yet I'd always believed that Harry would be the first one to ask me. In my mind he wouldn't be so shy and flustered, I'd consent to his request and Harry would smile and take me in his arms, planting a soft kiss on my lips. It would be perfect. I'd gone over the scenario so many times, amending small details each time.
But it wasn't Harry who was the first. He still hadn't asked me, time was running out and I was starting to think that I would not be able to attend the Ball, with Harry or not.
Was I ever loved by you?
Neville gave a half-shrug like it didn't matter.
'That's okay,' he said, forcing a smile. The first one, the one he'd given me, had been so sincere. 'I knew I should have asked you sooner -'
'Actually,' I piped up, just as Neville had turned to leave. He looked back over his shoulder. 'I'm not.'
Neville blinked. My hands were sweating slightly as I fiddled with my quill, taking a deep breath. Who was I kidding? Harry was never going to ask me. And let's face it, I didn't exactly have boys fighting over me nor was I the envy of jealous girls, damning me for my prowess with the guys. Looking up at Neville, I knew I wasn't likely to get another offer. Besides, Neville was a nice enough fellow. He wasn't cruel or full of himself like some people were.
'I would like to go with you, Neville.'
His face lit up.
'Really? I mean, great! We'll have a great time, I promise!'
His genuine enthusiasm was rather endearing. I was starting to feel better about this already, like a small bubble of happiness had suddenly inflated in my chest. It was a nice feeling.
'I know I'm not a brilliant dancer, but I've not had much practise,' he said, apologetically. 'I bet you can dance really well.'
'Um, I've not had much practise either,' I said, grinning shyly. Ah well, I could always learn.
Neville clapped his hands together.
'Right then, er … I guess I'll meet you in the common room then? On Christmas Day? At eight?'
Grinning, I nodded. Neville turned and walked away with a bounce in his step. My happy bubble was growing fit to burst.
*
I shouldn't be one to laugh at anyone's bad luck with finding a date for the Ball, but as it was Ron … Well, okay, being the supportive-sister was easy enough, but how could I not laugh? Silly Ron had only tried to ask Fleur Delacour to go with him – she was pretty but so stuck up, she didn't even say anything to him. The only sensible thing my brother did was to run away fast!
'I can't believe I did that,' he moaned, his head in his hands. He was so pale I was worried that he was going to throw up.
'Come on, Ron, its not so bad,' I said, trying to be comforting. 'I'm sure you'll find someone much nicer to go with. That French girl's much too snobby for you -'
'What's up, Ron?'
My heart automatically skips a beat as Harry walks towards us across the common room. Ron looks sick and upon seeing his best friend launches into his inane babbling once more.
'Why did I do it?' he questions Harry pointlessly. 'I don't know what made me do it!'
'What?' Harry asks, understandably confused and looks to me for a coherent explanation.
'He – er – just asked Fleur Delacour to go to the ball with him,' I said, trying hard not to flash him a dazzling smile, mentally trying to drop a hint to him … before remembering I already had a date. In any case, Harry's gaze snapped back to my brother in disbelief.
'You what?'
'I don't know what made me do it! What was I playing at? There were people – all around – I've gone mad – everyone watching! I was just walking past her in the Entrance Hall – she was standing there talking to Diggory – and it sort of came over me – and I asked her!' Slumping in his seat and mumbling into his hands, I was surprised that Harry and I caught the last few sentences. 'She looked at me like I was a sea slug or something. Didn't even answer. And then – I dunno – I just sort of came to my senses and ran for it.'
I looked up at Harry. He didn't seem overly surprised by this.
'She's part Veela,' he said heavily. That explained it. 'You were right – her grandmother was one. It wasn't your fault, I bet you just walked past when she was turning on the old charm for Diggory and got a blast of it – but she was wasting her time. He's going with Cho Chang.'
Both Ron and I stared at him. My stomach contracted painfully. Something in his voice was wrong. How could he have known about …
'I asked her to go with me just now and she told me.'
Oh.
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
'This is mad, we're the only ones left who haven't got anyone,' Ron complained, like it was someone else's fault. But I wasn't really listening. Harry had asked Cho Chang? He hadn't wanted to ask me after all. I blinked hard and looked down at the floor, until Ron's next comment made me jump. 'Well, except Neville. Hey – guess who he asked? Hermione!'
'What?'
What? Neville had asked Hermione? My fragile happy bubble had sprung a leak. So, I hadn't been his first choice either.
Oh, stop being so stupid, I told myself. At least you have a date for the Ball, unlike some people.
'Yeah, I know!' Ron was smirking. Harry looked stunned and amused by this. I wasn't feeling so much upset now as I was annoyed. What, exactly, was wrong with Neville?
'He told me after Potions! Said she's always been really nice, helping him out with work and stuff – but she told him she was already going with someone. Ha! As if! She just didn't want to go with Neville … I mean, who would?'
'Don't!' I snapped angrily. Neville was a decent bloke. If anything, he was probably the nicest person among the male populace of Gryffindor House. He certainly didn't make nasty comments about others like that. What was wrong with going out with someone like him? 'Don't laugh -'
Hermione came in at that moment. That girl has impeccable timing.
'Why weren't you two at dinner?' she asked, coming over to us. Ron and Harry were both busy laughing at the thought of Neville having a date. I was getting really irritated and gladly answered Hermione's question for them.
'Because – oh, shut up laughing you two – because they've both just been turned down by girls they asked to the ball!'
Silence.
I smirked, inwardly satisfied. Served them right.
Hermione gave me a quick look. She knew I was going with Neville; I'd told her after promising not to tell Ron or Harry who she was going with. The library seems to be the ideal place to be asked out. We're in the same situation, I guess. Hermione's got a thing for Ron, I'm sure she does. She didn't actually say it outright, but I can tell. She acts the same way I do around my girl friends when we talk about guys we like. Hermione was so chuffed when she got a date for the Ball. She gave me a wink and a small smile.
'Thanks a bunch, Ginny,' Ron grumbled.
'All the good-looking ones taken, Ron?' said Hermione. She was enjoying this, knowing that she had a date long before Ron. Course, I'm certain she would have preferred to go with Ron if he'd asked her first, the same as I would have if Harry had asked me before Neville. 'Eloise Midgen starting to look quite pretty now, is she? Well, I'm sure you'll find someone somewhere who'll have you.'
'Hermione,' said Ron slowly. 'Neville's right – you are a girl …'
I rolled my eyes. Excellent observation, Sherlock. Hermione was similarly unimpressed by the comment.
'Oh, well spotted.'
'Well – you can come with one of us!'
'No, I can't,' she snapped.
'Oh, come on, we need partners, we're going to look really stupid if we haven't got any, everyone else has …'
'I can't come with you because I'm already going with someone.' Hermione was turning red as she spoke. To make matters worse, Ron didn't believe her.
'No, you're not! You just said that to get rid of Neville!'
'Oh, did I? Just because it's taken you three years to notice, Ron, doesn't mean no one else has spotted I'm a girl!'
I had long since come to the conclusion that boys were blind to the girls they hung around with. And the younger sisters of their best friends. Ron wasn't deterred however.
'OK, OK, we know you're a girl, that do?' I suppressed a snort with difficultly. 'Will you come now?'
'I've already told you! I'm going with someone else!' Furious, she stomped away.
'She's lying,' said Ron, as soon as Hermione was out of earshot.
'She's not,' I said quietly, embarrassed that my brother could be such an idiot.
'Who is it, then?' he demanded.
'I'm not telling you, it's her business.' Nosey prat. I couldn't wait to see the look on his face when he found out.
'Right, this is getting stupid. Ginny, you can go with Harry, and I'll just -'
'I can't,' I blurted out. My cheeks were burning as both of them looked at me. Mentally kicking myself, hard, I said, 'I'm going with – with Neville. He asked me when Hermione said no, and I thought … well … I'm not going to be able to go otherwise, I'm not in fourth year.' It was close enough to the truth. I felt sick. I averted my eyes from Harry's face. 'I think I'll go and have dinner.'
I got up and left as quickly as I could, avoiding eye contact with anyone. What had Harry thought of Ron's suggestion? Would he have agreed to it? Oh, why in Merlin's name had I said yes to Neville? If I hadn't then I could have gotten a date with Harry just now.
Out of reach, couldn't see
We were never meant to be
My stomach was churning so much I couldn't bear the thought of eating. I bypassed the Great Hall and went down the corridor on the opposite side of the Entrance Hall. The classrooms down there were rarely used. Sidling into the first open room, I locked the door and went to sit at the murky window. The weak sunlight sent a greyish shaft across the room. It felt cold, gloomy and empty.
This wasn't fair. Why did Neville ask me to go with him? Why did I say yes? Why didn't I wait? Why was I such an idiot? Why hadn't I lied and gone to ask Harry myself. So much for Gryffindor courage.
It was a long time before I was done crying.
So much hurt, so much pain
Takes a while to regain what is lost inside
*
Neville had lied when he said he wasn't very good at dancing. The truth was he was awful. His heavy feet had crushed my toes so many times in the first ten minutes I had to sit down for a good half hour to rub some feeling back into them.
The Yule Ball was in full swing. The band was playing and the majority of students and staff were on the dance floor. Everyone was having a great time. Everyone except me.
Sitting half in shadow, I couldn't help but watch Harry dancing with Parvati Patil. She was beautiful and had a lovely smile, her pink dress robes showing off her slender figure. Harry looked like he was enjoying himself, dancing with her. Well, why wouldn't he be? He had a date with one of the most beautiful girls in the school; long dark hair, flawless skin and a dazzling smile – compare that to frizzy red hair, freckles and a shaky smile. No contest I thought gloomily. Parvati gave a twirl, beaming smugly.
And I hope that in time, you'll be out of my mind.
I'll be over you.
Self-consciously I tried to check my reflection in my Butterbeer glass. My frizzy hair was coming out of its French braid and my mascara was smudged. My dress robes were a little plain. Mum had bought them second-hand but I'd fixed it up a bit. The girls in my dorm had assured me that I looked 'fabulous' when I was getting ready, but down here among all these older girls with their beautiful new robes I couldn't help but feel distinctly underdressed. Meeting Neville in the common room, he said my dress was pretty, but he hadn't implied that I looked nice. Things just went downhill from there. Right now, he wasn't even sitting with me to keep me company or to make sure I was okay; he was off on the other side of the Hall getting himself another Butterbeer.
So much for my date.
With a huff, I crossed my arms and glared at the male population at large. Wasn't there a single decent guy among them? Harry Potter aside. I closed my eyes. Drat. Why couldn't I just put him out of my mind for two minutes?
But now I'm …
So confused, my heart's bruised.
Was I ever loved by you?
'Excuse me.'
Twisting in my seat, I found myself looking up into the face of a tall boy with short black hair and dark brown eyes. And he was smiling down at me in such a way that caused my heart to abruptly decide that now was a convenient time to take a quick jaunt up into the region of my throat.
'Is this seat taken?' he asked, indicating Neville's vacated chair.
'No,' I croaked. Something was wrong with my vocal cords. 'No one's sitting here.'
Smiling, the boy sat down beside me.
'Hi, I'm Michael,' he said, holding out a hand.
'Ginny,' I said, nervously taking it and feeling my cheeks go red as I realised how sweaty mine had suddenly become.
'Ginny,' Michael repeated, looking me up and down. His dark eyes then swept the dance floor before coming to rest back on my face. 'Are you here with someone?'
Fleetingly I thought of Neville, but just as quickly dismissed the notion. If this were an actual date, then Neville wouldn't have vanished like this. Scanning the Hall, I couldn't see him anywhere; he'd abandoned me.
'No,' I said firmly. 'I'm not.'
'Now how can that possibly be?' Michael honestly looked surprised.
Cheeks burning, my lap became demanding of my attention. I didn't know what to say.
'Would you like to dance?'
'Dance?' I repeated dumbly. 'With you?' Oh, way to go, Gin: wow him with your language skills.
But Michael just continued to smile and nodded. He stood up and held out his hand.
'If you want to,' he said.
'I – I can't dance very well,' I said with a nervous giggle. A distant part of my brain was mentally banging itself against a brick wall, chanting 'Hopeless! Hopeless!'
'Come on, it's easy. I'll show you.'
And without waiting for an answer, he took my hand and led me onto the floor. Turning around, Michael gently placed one hand on my slender waist and held my hand. Awkwardly, I put my free hand on his waist, feeling firm, toned muscle through the fabric of his plum-coloured robes. My brain was now gleefully chanting at me, 'Go girl! Go girl!' Swaying in time to the music, I found myself gliding almost effortlessly over the dance floor with Michael, the other couples moving out of our way.
I remember thinking that the little bubble of happiness inflating in my chest was going to lift me right off my feet at any moment.
As Michael twirled me round, I caught sight of Harry, Ron and Hermione talking on the edge of the dance floor; or rather arguing – Hermione's face was contorted in anger and Ron's with malice. Uh oh. Maybe I wasn't so keen on seeing Ron's expression when he found out about Hermione and Krum after all. Harry was clearly trying to keep the peace but they were both ignoring him. Michael and I started to move off, but I craned my neck to look again. Parvati was nowhere to be seen. No, wait there she was, dancing with one of the foreign students. Why wasn't she with Harry?
Out of reach, so far
'Are you all right?' Michael asked. 'You seem pretty distracted.'
'What? Oh, sorry, I was just …'
I stopped for a second and asked myself exactly what was wrong. Okay, Harry hadn't asked me to come with him, Neville had. Neville may have left me but then Michael wouldn't have asked me to dance and he seemed really nice. Everything seemed to be working out okay after all.
So why was I still wishing it was Harry that I was dancing with? Parvati had ditched him; I could always ditch Michael and go to Harry …
You never gave your heart
In my reach, I can see
'Ginny?'
I blinked, looking up into Michael's eyes. He looked confused and slightly disappointed.
'I have to confess,' he said, eyes downcast but a small smile playing with his lips, 'I already knew your name; I was just looking for an excuse to talk to you.'
'Really?' I could feel my cheeks starting to glow again, but for once, it wasn't due to embarrassment.
'Yeah, it's just … well, I like you.'
I like you.
My dancing faltered rather badly as I tripped over my feet, and probably my lower lip as well since my jaw dropped open at the same time.
Michael swallowed.
'Well, by that I mean, I like you … a lot. If I said I'd been watching and following you around for about a week without ever getting up the nerve to ask you out … would that make me a stalker?'
I laughed. Michael grinned too, relieved. Snaking my hands up around his neck, everything else just seemed to abandon my thoughts; school, homework, Quidditch, my friends … and Harry.
There was just the beautiful music, Michael and I.
Tentatively, I reached up and planted a soft kiss on Michael's lips. Short and sweet. Drawing back, I smiled at the mildly dazed but undeniably pleased expression on his handsome face.
'I like you too.'
There's a life out there for me
*
~Finis~
*
Please review; all comments and constructive criticisms are greatly appreciated.
*
Author's Notes.
In response to the final reviews for 'Heart of a Star'
Inu Lover – Thank you!
Sweet A.K – Glad you liked his demise: I loved writing that part! *evil cackle* One of my favourite fics so far. I hope to hear from you again.
NightSpear – Chapter twenty was pretty long. I didn't intend for it to be quite that long but I just couldn't stop. ^_^ Glad that you loved it so much.
O.o – I have a loyal follower? Yay! I know, I wasn't happy with 'that death', so I'm sure you'll be pleased to know that said character is still alive and well in my coming version of book six. (I'm not getting rid of him just because someone decided it was time for him to snuff it. Besides, I've already done my own version of book five so my next fic will follow on from that.)
Sirius' sweetie – I still think you've got one of the best names on this site. ^_^ I'm not sure where all these ideas come from – they just fall out of my head from time to time. I hope you'll like Tell No Lies, since the sequel is in the process of being written. (40 chapters? I must be mad … ^_~) Heart of a Star is your favourite? Aw, shucks. Thanks! Parts of it really freaked you out? Actually scared you? Wow! That is such a compliment for a fledgling author! I know I was pretty mean to Sirius throughout, but hey, a story about abuse has got to harsh otherwise it falls short of what it's meant to portray to the readers. I'm very proud of it. And yes, those voices Sirius' hears when he's unconscious are memories of what happened earlier in the fic, and other bits where what he could hear going on around him, the voices of the Healers. And by the way, I love getting such long reviews! Can't get enough of them. ^_^
Enna seawave – I've not given any consideration to a sequel as of yet. Might be an interesting idea, although I've got so many other fic projects on my 'to do' list that it may be some time before I'd give much thought to a sequel. I'll keep it in mind of course. Thanks very much for reading and reviewing!
Nie Starwhistler – Pleased to know you approved of it, Nie. Thanks for reading.
LadyTigerJade – I couldn't resist adding Ju Jitsu into the mix; I'm going to have more of it in one of my future fics (Remus fic on the way!) Which art are you studying? Hey, I've got plenty of fics floating around in my head; it's getting them written down fast enough is the problem. ^_^
Orion-San – Would it make me sadistic to say that I really enjoyed tortured him so? Considering that he was such an evil character? Still, everyone that mattered is fine, and I'm pleased you enjoyed the fic.
Stagger - *LOL* I take it you loved it? I'm writing more, don't worry! As I mentioned to Enna seawave, a sequel is not out of the question, it just won't be appearing any time soon unfortunately.
Prongs4 – That's a good fact! The Evil One is no more! Sirius fans rejoice! Thanks for reading.
WallyTheWhale – I can't express enough thanks for your comments throughout the entire fic. ^_^ The medical journal entry was partly an afterthought, but thinking about the Wolfsbane Potion and how it was created was what sparked off the whole idea. My train of thought was a runaway. ^_^ It's safe to assume that Sirius will tell his friends the whole truth about the crash; if I do get round to writing a sequel, I will probably include that. Thanks for pointing me in the direction of lyrics.com, it's been a help! Hope to hear from you again soon!
Black Rose9 – I'm blushing like crazy reading your comments, honestly! Very nice of you to say so!
Lil Lupin – How could I fail to mention you? You only whipped the fic into shape, corrected numerous errors that I failed to pick up on and Beta-ed the whole damn thing twice! You are invaluable to my writing endeavours, Lil, and I hope we stay friends for a very long time.
TiniTinuviel – Thanks so much for all your comments! So very very pleased that parts of it made you laugh, I don't know if what I find funny would make other people laugh so it's nice to hear that readers are enjoying the humour element too. I'm getting embarrassed again by all these lovely comments. *blushes*
Lily Skylo – that's a pretty good idea, maybe I could focus on Ursa's point of view when her brother is sent to Azkaban. Hmm, got me thinking lots now. And I will certainly keep writing and posting on fanfic for as long as I have ideas. Considering my ideas list is approaching 'never-ending' status, it's safe to say that I'll be around for while! ^_^
Quiteona – Thanks for all your comments! I have received your fic and I will get it back to you as soon as I can. (And apologies for not writing sooner.) Hope you liked this fic.
Apologies to anyone I've missed. Thank you all for reading!
~Voltora~
