A/N: Let me clear something up for you guys. *Mini spoiler* thought everyone knew. Sark's first name is Julian. Please don't hit me for telling you that. If people you knew had just watched a video of you running around buck naked, wouldn't you claim to be someone else? He claimed to be the person running behind him (Samual)… get it? Oh yeah, and let's pretend that Jack and Sloane knew each other a LONG time ago.

*When I refer to a younger Sloane, I'm gonna call him by his first name, ok?*

Alias's funniest home videos

Chapter 2~ Jack/Sloane

"Lauren?" Vaughn asked backing away from his wife.

"He was looking peculiar; like he was up to something. Sloane can't be trusted." Lauren explained.

"I'll second that!" Sydney spoke up, agreeing with Lauren.

"Sure he was you smutty bi-" the new recruit girl started before she got interrupted. The little girl was now speaking again.

"Here is the second example, of things that used to be important…" She trailed off and what little lights they had dimmed and the screen suddenly had another movie shown across it.

"Who is in this one?" Lauren asked before getting shushed by everyone- including her husband. Sloane woke back up with a groan just in time to see the movie.

We see a boy about 10 with black hair run into what looks like a kitchen.

Well that eradicates Vaughn, and Sark since he already went. The boy is wearing an apron and is mad at someone in the kitchen.

"Why is this being recorded?" he whined to a woman. She turned around, wearing an apron too and simply told him,

"Jack Bristow, you know very well the reason this is being recorded. Your cousin Alexis likes to remember every detail about her birthday, including preparation." a woman scolded.

The sight of Jack in an apron had spread a smile across everyone's face, if not causing a laugh.

"This would be easier if I had my easy bake oven." he retorted.

'Easy bake oven?' Sydney mouthed confused. No wonder he never bought me one, too many memories, huh dad?

We hear the doorbell and the women tells Jack to go open the door.

"I'm sure Jack has a perfectly reasonable explanation for his erratic behavior. " Sloane voiced.

"Mom," Jack called, "Arvin's here." He ran back into the kitchen and begged her to let him play with Arvin.

"Make sure he puts down Alexis's present first," she warned him.

"Ok," he told her running to tell the Sloane the news. We see the camera follow surreptitiously and softly behind Jack.

"Look!" Arvin cried referring to the present. "I got Alexis a doll. Except she looked hideous in that bathing suit she was wearing. So I got her an evening gown with a credit card a purse, and lots of other accessories."

Everyone turned his or her head towards Sloane. He wouldn't face any of them.

"But, Arvin, she's 15 years old. I don't think she wants a doll." Jack theorized.

"You never know, besides it's better than some cookies you-" Arvin started.

"Aww crap my cookies! They will burn! I shall have to make another batch! It'll never be ready in time… I need my easy bake oven! Oh no! We're out of chocolate chips!" Jack yelled.

"Jack! What did I tell you about using profanity! Come here!" his mom yelled.

"Ooo mama bee baa… (A/N: Don't really know who came up with that phrase. I just remember when I was small everyone used it. It means that you're in trouble.)" Sloane started.

Jack hurried back to the kitchen bumping into a girl. She looked like she was in her teens. She had short brown hair and wore shorts, a plain sleeveless red shirt and some blue slippers.

"Hey Jack, are you alright? Be careful next time." she warned, helping him up.

"I-I-I-I am fine." Jack stuttered. "Hey Alexis. I'm making you a special birthday surprise. When I'm done arranging it, it will be pretty. But not as p-p-p-retty as your eyes."

Alexis beamed at him and gave him a hug. "Thanks Jack." She muttered softer then Jack could hear, but loud enough for the camera to hear, "Now if only Mark could be as sweet as him."

"Jack, get your a-" Jack's mom stopped herself in time to correct herself. "Get your butt in here! You know you are not supposed to use words like those!"

Jack looked scared of something. Seeing this Alexis went into the kitchen with the camera following right behind her. A gasp could be heard as the camera passed, most likely from Jack noticing that the camera had followed him.

"But Aunt Annette, he might have been telling Arvin what words not to say at my party. Please let him still participate. He didn't mean it." Alexis pleaded.

Annette rolled her eyes then sighed, giving in. "Fine, he can still participate in your party."

Music from another room turned on and an unidentified voice could be heard. Most likely from the person wielding the camera.

"I'm gonna go videotape the dancing ok sweetie?" the man asked.

"Sure." Annette told him. The camera left the kitchen and went into what appeared to be a family room with a porch attached to it. The plain white walls were decorated with birthday ornaments and streamers. A humongous birthday cake sat in the middle, while on the wall behind it sat a table the length of the wall. There was nothing on the table as if to suggest that the food was still being prepared. There were tons of chairs filling the room, lazy boy chairs, folding chairs; you name it. The actual music was being played on the porch with containers filled with ice and drinks. The camera turned and there was Jack dancing on the table… or what appeared to be a dance. It could have been a seizure, but since no one was rushing to help him or call an ambulance I guess it's safe to say he way dancing. To top it all off Jack was singing, off key, 'Too Sexy'… and apparently he didn't know all the words to the song. His family just clapped along and pretended he wasn't making a fool of himself.

"I'm too sexy for my bootie, too sexy for my bootie, too sexy yeah…" Jack sang.

Sark's smirk didn't last long, within a few seconds of watching this he, and the others had burst out laughing. His embarrassing act was forgotten as they focused on the 'too sexy' Jack and 'Barbie decorator' Arvin.

Arvin ran into the room yelling, "It's here, it's here. It's so awesome, it's better than what I expected. I hope you like it, because my mommy wouldn't let me get it for my birthday." This caused everyone to turn. In strolled an adult size Barbie. That's when they noticed she wasn't a doll, but a real person. She came bearing dolls and passed them out to people before walking inside and coming back with an adult sized Ken. He put a CD into the CD player and together they sang the Barbie song before singing other songs on the CD.

Annette came back and got Jack and together they walked back into the kitchen. When they came back out they were holding plates full of chocolate chip cookies, sugar cookies, chocolate chip and M&M cookies, Macadamian nut cookie, and white chocolate cookies. He tapped on Alexis's shoulder and whispered that this was her birthday present.

When they noticed no one was paying attention to them, the couple (Barbie and Ken) started to sing louder.

Jack handed Alexis a chocolate chip cookie with a camel imprinted on it. Her smile broadened, "I love camels, thank you Jack!"

(A/N: Remember, Jack still has on his apron, btw, Annette took hers off.)

"I wanna show you something!" Jack yelled, jumping on top his trampoline.

"I wanna to show her something first!" Arvin yelled jumping on the trampoline. Jack pushed him down and started his trick.

"Are you gonna take that Arvin?" one of Jack's cousins jeered.

Arvin attempted to roll out of Jack's falling range when Jack landed on the trampoline. He kept rolling until he thought Jack was done. Unfortunately, Jack wasn't and so Arvin hadn't rolled away. Which left Jack straddling Arvin. (A/N: I know, I know, bad images, please don't hit me!)

"OMG! Annette get your gay son off mine!" a woman yelled presumably Arvin's mom.

"My son is not gay! Your son probably pulled him on top of him! Jonathan! Get Jack off Arvin! Now!" Annette yelled.

"I think I'm stuck!" Jack yelled.

Jonathan must have been the person maintaining the camera since the camera was abruptly set down and you could see a man attempting to pry Jack off Arvin.

"Uh, shut it off! Shut it off!" Sydney cried, looking away.

"I have been scarred for life!" Sark yelled

"Take it away, take it away!" Lauren yelled.

The movie was turned off rapidly after a few seconds. The little girl spoke to them again.

"Now that was just plain sickening. No wonder it was kept a secret. So that was another example of the innocence… and weirdness of what used to be." She mumbled, but it was still loud enough for them to hear, "Thank God."

"Is anyone brave enough to even wonder who is going next?" Vaughn asked.

Weiss was sitting on the floor quiet. "I swear I just might become sterile after watching all these 'fun' and 'carefree' movies." he told them his voice filled with sarcasm whenever he described the movies.

"Hey!" Sloane yelled. "I do have a perfectly logical explanation. That movie was either a setup, or I was going through a phase."

"Sure you were," Sydney said not quiet sure which Sloane she would rather have in the present.

"Hey!" Sloane yelled. "I wasn't the one straddling a guy!"

"He might have had a good explanation for that!" Sydney yelled rather uncertain about it herself…

"Still, imagine how Jack is now, imagine how he used to be, now imagine him like that nowadays. Scary isn't it?" Sark asked the new recruit.

Another person spoke up, most likely another new recruit. "So, Sydney is it? Are you so sure about your parentage? I mean, after watching that, I would double check." he grinned a stupid grin and Sark clobbered him before Sydney could.

"That, Peter, Is just disgusting." he told him.

"Are you ready for another movie?" the little girl asked.

Everyone looked at each other…

A/N: So, did you like it? Review!

Because, Lots of reviews= me updating faster.

We're you kinda disturbed by this chapter? I know; I had these images flashing through my head as I wrote it. Yeah, scary, I know. That why I tried not to go into detail… so review! You never know who's next! Review please.