Scene Six (Now we are back in the Shire, in a cornfield. Kram Gamgee emerges from the cornfield, looking a bit disgruntled with how unlucky she has been upon this journey so far. She looks over her shoulder and her eyes go wide suddenly as she realizes that Lizzo Baggins isn't there. She looks around frantically, afraid that she has lost her friend. She begins running through the field shouting)

Kram Gamgee: (Sounding frightened) Miss Lizzo! Miss Lizzo! Lizzo! LIZZO!

(Lizzo Baggins runs in front of Kram Gamgee, wondering where the shouting has come from. She looks at Kram Gamgee with an agitated glance)

Lizzo Baggins: Kram, I'm here! Quit shouting!

Kram Gamgee: (Breathing in and out with relief) I thought I'd lost you.

Lizzo Baggins: (A bit confused at this) Why would you ever worry about something like that? You left me at Disneyland for a whole day before you came to look for me!

Kram Gamgee: (Looking off to the side nervously) It's just something Kendalf said.

Lizzo Baggins: (Suddenly looking a bit dark, wondering what the wizard could've said) What did he say?

Kram Gamgee: (Puffs up with dignity as she speaks) "Don't you leave her, Kramwise Gamgee!" And I don't mean to!

Lizzo Baggins: (Smiling gently) That was nice.

Kram Gamgee: (Smiles also and comes towards Lizzo Baggins) Yeah. Take away the, "Or I'll hunt you down and rip your face off your skull" and it'd be a regular Kodak moment.

Lizzo Baggins: (Smiling at Kram Gamgee's superstitions) Kram, we're still in the Shire! What could possibly happen?

(A sudden rustle in the corn by them is heard and Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took, both carrying an armful of vegetables, run out of the corn and bump into the bewildered Lizzo Baggins and Kram Gamgee. The camera goes to Rippin Took, who has fallen on Lizzo Baggins, and is looking at her with extreme surprise)

Rippin Took: (Studying Lizzo Baggins with an amused expression upon her face) Lizzo! (Looks at Jessie Brandybuck, who has gotten off of Kram Gamgee) Jessie, look! It's Lizzo Baggins!

Jessie Took: (Looking quite surprised) Oh! Hello, Lizzo! Kram Gamgee: (Looking a bit angry at the unexpected pop-up of Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took) All right, Rippin! Get-!

Lizzo Baggins: (Camera goes to her as she angrily pushes Rippin Took off her with no effort at all) GET OFF ME, RIPPIN!

(Rippin Took screams as she is thrown off and lands with a hard crunch on the ground)

Kram Gamgee: (Looks quite surprised at Lizzo Baggins) Uh-off her.

(Lizzo Baggins straightens out her sweater and cloak, and Rippin Took goes up to her with a sly smile upon her face)

Rippin Took: (To Lizzo Baggins) Thank goodness we found you guys! Here, hold these! (Begins to pile the vegetables in her arms into Lizzo Baggins' arms)

Lizzo Baggins: (Looking very suspicious) Why?

Rippin Took: (Still piling the vegetables in Lizzo Baggins' arms) Uh, we were doing a bit of shopping and we couldn't carry all of these by ourselves.

Lizzo Baggins: (Raising her eyebrows at Rippin Took quizzically) Shopping, in a garden?

Rippin Took: (Paying no mind to this problem) Yeah-it was "Fresh Produce Day". Find a garden and go nuts.

Kram Gamgee: (Her arms full of vegetables that Jessie Brandybuck has given her, suddenly realizes what has been done and looks furious) You guys weren't shopping! You've been stealing in Bob Saggot's crop!

Jessie Brandybuck: (Looks at Kram Gamgee with a scowl) Well, duh!

(We suddenly hear Bob Saggot call from in the cornfield, and the hobbits turn in fear as they hear his voice)

Bob Saggot: (In that gentle voice) Have you guys been stealing from my crop? That's not cool, you guys. Am I going to have to give you the lesson on stealing?

Jessie Brandybuck: (In a frightened voice) RUN FOR IT!

(All four hobbits run into the corn in the opposite direction; Lizzo Baggins in front, Jessie Brandybuck behind her, Rippin Took behind her, and Kram Gamgee further back than them all)

Jessie Brandybuck: (Yelling at Rippin Took) I don't understand why he's so upset! It's only a few carrots!

Rippin Took: And some cabbages. And those sacks of potatoes! And the mushrooms we lifted last week! And those copies of Opra Magazines we lifted the week before!

Jessie Brandybuck: (Frowning) We didn't steal any copies of Opra Magazine!

Rippin Took: (Looks off to the side) Of course not.

Jessie Brandybuck: (Shouting back at Rippin Took) What I was trying to say, Rippin, is that he's clearly overreacting and-

(Camera goes to Lizzo Baggins' face when she stops, throwing up her arms and looking petrified as she looks down)

Lizzo Baggins: (Shouting) STOP!

(Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took stop just in time to keep from bumping into Lizzo Baggins. They all look down and gasp. The camera goes out to see them standing on the edge of a very steep hill-they had almost fallen off)

Lizzo Baggins: (Camera coming back to the hobbits as she speaks calmly to them) Okay-don't panic! If we-slowly-and-carefully-move back-maybe we could-climb down.

(We see Kram Gamgee running away from the field, the voice of Bob Saggot following her)

Bob Saggot: (In his gentle voice) I remember when I was hosting America's Funniest Home Videos-

(Kram Gamgee is screaming as she looks behind her and running like a madman. Lizzo Baggins, Jessie Brandybuck, and Rippin Took look behind them as Kram Gamgee comes closer. They all look frightened-she'll run into them causing them to fall)

Lizzo Baggins, Jessie Brandybuck, & Rippin Took: (Shouting) LOOK OUT, KRAM!

(Screaming hysterically, Kram Gamgee doesn't hear them, and she runs into them, causing them to fall. Lizzo Baggins is grabbing onto Jessie Brandybuck's sweater sleeve, and she goes with her. Rippin Took goes down, because Kram Gamgee ran into her first, who quickly follows. The camera goes out as we see the hobbits tumble down the hill, each one screaming in pain as they go. Finally, the camera goes to the bottom of the hill, where Lizzo Baggins falls first on her back. She lets out a grunt of pain, and then hears Jessie Brandybuck shouting as she follows)

Lizzo Baggins: (Looking up in horror) Oh no!

(Jessie Brandybuck lands on top of Lizzo Baggins, who grunts in pain. Then, they hear Rippin Took following and they both look up in fright. Rippin Took falls on Jessie Brandybuck's knees, causing her to scream in pain)

Jessie Brandybuck: (Painfully) SERIOUSLY, RIPPIN! YOU NEED TO LAY OFF THE DING-DONGS!

Lizzo Baggins: (In a strangled voice) Pain.

(Then, they hear Kram Gamgee coming and they all scream. Kram Gamgee falls on Rippin Took's stomach, causing her to scream out)

Rippin Took: OW! KRAM!

Jessie Brandybuck: This really bites, guys!

Lizzo Baggins: (In a small voice) My spine. (She looks behind her by tilting her head back and her eyes widen as she realizes that she was only inches away from landing headfirst into a stinking pile of poop. She sighs) Well, that was close.

(Kram Gamgee gets off of the pile and starts straightening her clothes, while Jessie Brandybuck looks at her hand, which has poop on it)

Jessie Brandybuck: (Shouting angrily as she flicks the stuff off her hand) For you maybe!

Lizzo Baggins: (Shouting as she pushes both Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took off of her, who scream as they fly off) GET OFF ME, YOU NINNIES!

(Lizzo Baggins gets up casually and straightens her cloak out, and Kram Gamgee comes over to her with a surprised look upon her face)

Kram Gamgee: Dear Lord, you're strong!

Lizzo Baggins: (Smiles, but looks back at Jessie Brandybuck with anger on her face) That tells me to never trust a Brandybuck and a Took!

Jessie Brandybuck: (Cleaning her glasses, she looks at Lizzo Baggins with a dignified look) Yeah? Well, that was a detour! (Puts glasses back on and moves towards Lizzo Baggins) You know, a shortcut!

Lizzo Baggins: (Folding her arms and rolling her eyes) Oh yeah? A shortcut to what?

Rippin Took: (Camera goes to her face as it brightens up and she points to the path) Mushrooms!

(The camera goes to a bunch of wild mushrooms, beautiful in size. Jessie Brandybuck, Kram Gamgee, and Rippin Took run to them. The camera watches their debate, with Jessie Brandybuck on one side, Rippin Took on the other, and Kram Gamgee in the middle, behind the mushrooms. Rippin Took takes out a brown sack from her pocket excitedly)

Jessie Brandybuck: (Rubbing her hands together with anticipation) Hoo, hoo! Jackpot!

Rippin Took: (Suddenly looks up at Jessie Brandybuck) Wait a moment, Jessie! Are these those weird mushrooms we picked last time? Those were those really trippy ones that really caused damage to your central nervous system! I found that out the hard way! I served them at the Took Annual Family Reunion! (Shudders at the memory) That was not a pretty sight. When they realized what happened, they called me a druggy and I had to go to rehab for five weeks!

Jessie Brandybuck: (Looks at her with surprise) That's where you were? I thought you went camping!

Rippin Took: (With a shrug) In a way, I kind of did. Only, instead of a tent, it was a white padded room with no windows. And instead of toasting marshmallows over an open flame, we ate canned pea soup in a cafeteria that smelt like pee. And instead of going hiking with your best buddy, I was playing ping-pong with a man named Carlos-who liked to talk to his hand.

Kram Gamgee: (Reassuring them) Don't worry, you guys! I'm a gardener! These mushrooms are good!

Rippin Took: (Excitedly, beginning to pick mushrooms and putting them in the bag) Awesome.

Kram Gamgee: Hey, can I have some, you guys?

Rippin Took: (Looking at Kram Gamgee angrily) Get your own!

Kram Gamgee: (Agitated) But I don't want to!

(We now see Lizzo Baggins looking down the road, suddenly uneasy as she remembers what Kendalf told her about the road. We can still hear Jessie Brandybuck, Kram Gamgee, and Rippin Took bickering)

Kram Gamgee: (Begging) Come on, Rippin!

Rippin Took: (Annoyed) All right, Kram! You can have some! Kram Gamgee: What about this one?

Jessie Brandybuck: (Angrily) No! I called that, you meathead!

(Lizzo Baggins is still looking down the road with much worry upon her face)

Kram Gamgee: What about this one, then?

Rippin Took: No! It's too big and-Oh wait, it's a rock. You can have it.

(Finally, Lizzo Baggins turns to her friends)

Lizzo Baggins: (In a reasonable tone) I think we should get off the road.

(But the three hobbits haven't heard her, still bickering about the mushrooms. Lizzo Baggins shakes her head and looks towards the road. Suddenly, the leaves about them stir and the camera shows the road in front of her suddenly becomes encompassed by a fierce hissing noise. We see Lizzo Baggins suddenly look alive with terror)

Lizzo Baggins: (Shouting) I REALLY THINK WE SHOULD GET OFF THE ROAD! (Turns to Jessie Brandybuck, Kram Gamgee, and Rippin Took) GET OFF THE ROAD!

Jessie Brandybuck: (Looking a bit bemused) Lizzo, what's going on?

Kram Gamgee: (Recognizing the terror in her friend's eyes, she immediately knows what must be wrong) Uh oh.

Lizzo Baggins: (In a quick tone) Quick! Follow me!

(The four hobbits, Lizzo Baggins in lead, Kram Gamgee behind her, Jessie Brandybuck behind her, and Rippin Took behind her, run across the road and into the forested area. Lizzo Baggins jumps behind a humongous fallen tree and looks up at her friends)

Lizzo Baggins: (In a frightened whisper) Hurry up, guys! Get behind this tree!

(They follow immediately, Jessie Brandybuck and Rippin Took looking a bit confused as they crouch behind the tree and hide. Then, Rippin Took suddenly sniffs the air and wrinkles her nose)

Rippin Took: Aw, man! (Looks at Jessie Brandybuck angrily) Jessie, did you fart?

Jessie Brandybuck: (Looking scandalized) No, I did not!

Rippin Took: (Giving her an incredulous stare) I know a fart when I smell one, Jessie! You farted!

Jessie Brandybuck: (Getting very angry) I did not! You farted!

Rippin Took: (Looking shocked) I did not fart!

Jessie Brandybuck: (Annoyed) Oh, quit lying, Rippin!

Ripping Took: (Angry) I didn't fart! You-

Lizzo Baggins: (In a heated whisper) Will you both just shut up? And we all know it was you, Rippin!

Rippin Took: (Banging her fist on the ground in anger) I did not fart! It was-

Lizzo Baggins: (Whispering) Shut up!

(The hobbits fall silent as Adelphia rides up behind the tree, on his bicycle, occasionally ringing the bell in a threatening way, and looking ominous in his black robes. He can sense that something is here-but he doesn't know what or where. We close in on Lizzo Baggins, who looks behind her in a hole rotted through the tree, and she sees Adelphia get off the bicycle and land on the ground with a hard thud. Sweat falling from her brow, Lizzo Baggins turns around and tries to still her trembling body, closing her eyes to still the beating of her heart. Kram Gamgee leans nearer to Lizzo Baggins, putting a hand over her mouth to keep from screaming. We see Rippin Took look at her shoulder and her mouth opens in fear as she sees many bugs crawling upon her sweater. She wants to start screaming, but remembers the force behind her, so she starts pointing at the bugs and opens her mouth and silently screams. Above her in print, we see, "Silent screaming". Then, we see Jessie Brandybuck look over at Rippin Took, point at her, and start to laugh silently; we see a print above her read, "Silent hysterical laughter". The camera goes back to Lizzo Baggins, who looks petrified, trying to remain calm and breathe silently, hoping that the force will turn and go away. In a last attempt for help, she puts her hands in her pants pockets and pulls out the Movie. We see Adelphia suddenly look up, as if it heard something. Lizzo Baggins slowly moves her finger towards the play chip, but stops as Kram Gamgee puts a hand on her shoulder. Adelphia is looking around wildly, wondering what happened. Rippin Took then takes her bag of mushrooms and throws it in some distant bushes. The noise distracts Adelphia and he runs towards the noise hissing wildly)

Lizzo Baggins: (Waits until the hissing is gone and whispers) Go!

(The hobbits run away from the log, following Lizzo Baggins)

Rippin Took: (Rubbing bugs off her shoulder) Get 'em off me! Get 'em off me!

(Lizzo Baggins leads them into a well bushed area, where they rest and breathe a great breath of relief-their escape had gone unnoticed. Jessie Brandybuck looks at Rippin Took)

Jessie Brandybuck: (Concerned) Rippin, are you all right?

Rippin Took: (Nodding) Yeah. I'm chilled to the bone, but I'm fine.

Jessie Brandybuck: Good. (Begins to slap Rippin Took in the head)

Rippin Took: (Putting up hands and squeaking in pain) Ouch! Jessie! Ouch!

Jessie Brandybuck: (Angrily as she smack Rippin Took) Stupid, Took! You owe me some mushrooms!

Rippin Took: (Moves away from Jessie Brandybuck and goes to Lizzo Baggins with a confused expression. She points back towards where they came from) What was that?

(Lizzo Baggins doesn't answer; unaware of what it was herself. Instead, she looks at Kram Gamgee, who looks frightened, but just as confused as she. Then, Lizzo Baggins looks down at the Movie-remembering the effect it had on her. Then, we see that it is nightfall, and we see Sprint riding through the forest, looking for the Movie, hissing as he finds his search in vain. Then, Sprint accidentally hits a huge rock, causing him to crash his bike to the ground; he curses as he hits the ground. Then, we see Lizzo Baggins poke her head out from behind a bush and motion behind her that the coast is clear. She runs to the next bush, Kram Gamgee, Jessie Brandybuck, and Rippin Took following closely, all wearing traveling cloaks. We close in on Lizzo Baggins' face, which is pulled into a look of horror as she pears over the bush in front of her)

Kram Gamgee: (In a frightened whisper) Do you see anything, Lizzo?

Lizzo Baggins: (Shaking her head and whispering) No-we're good.

(We see the hobbits move closer behind the bush)

Rippin Took: (Very confused) What is going on? I've got an episode of Sanford and Son I want to catch!

Jessie Brandybuck: (Moving towards Lizzo Baggins suspiciously) That black rider was looking for something-or someone. Lizzo? (Lizzo Baggins looks at her in dismay) Are you having tax problems again? Because I can help you with those!

Lizzo Baggins: (Agitated) No!

Rippin Took: (Looking towards the distance and whispers suddenly) Get down!

(The hobbits duck behind the bushes in the nick of time, for in the distance, AT&T rides, stopping to look around. When he finds nothing, he vanishes in the distance with an angry hiss; but he goes down the hill too fast, and we hear him screaming as he accidentally rides down the hill, followed by a heavy rustle of bushes. Slowly, Lizzo Baggins peers over the bushes)

Lizzo Baggins: (Speaking quietly to Jessie Brandybuck, who is listening with her hand on her chin) I have to leave the Shire. (Jessie Brandybuck's eyes widen in surprise at this, and Lizzo Baggins looks at her) Kram and I must get to Bree.

Jessie Brandybuck: (Nodding as she thinks) Right. (Suddenly has an idea) Bucklebury Ferry!

Lizzo Baggins: (Angrily) Are you still hungry?

Jessie Brandybuck: (Agitated) No! It's a ferry around here that can get us to Bree! I know the best route! (Camera closes in on her as she looks behind her) Follow me.

(The hobbits get up and follow Jessie Brandybuck through the forest towards the left. When they emerge into a clearing, they are suddenly met up with Verizon, who brakes his bike so abruptly that it rears back; as it's in the air, Verizon takes the moment to ring his bell. The hobbits begin screaming at the size of this rider)

Lizzo Baggins: (Her mouth open in fear) Uh, Jessie, I don't like this route!

Jessie Brandybuck: (Shouting) RUN FOR IT!

(Screaming, the hobbits run past the rider, who doesn't have enough time to stop them all. But he manages to trap Lizzo Baggins, who begins to run in a circle to confuse the rider. Verizon follows her, hissing in anger)

Verizon: (In a hissing voice) Hold still, damn it! I can't turn very well on these things!

Lizzo Baggins: (Not even looking over her shoulder) No!

Kram Gamgee: (Shouting in the distance) LIZZO!

(Lizzo Baggins makes a break for freedom to her friends, and she makes it, Verizon spinning in a circle out of control, too confused to trap her. We see Lizzo Baggins running away as if with wings on her feet, and then we see Verizon come after her in hot pursuit, hissing all the way. Then, we see the other three hobbits running towards the ferry-Jessie Brandybuck in lead, Rippin Took behind her, and Kram Gamgee bringing up the rear. We see Jessie Brandybuck jump over the gate first, then Rippin Took. Kram Gamgee tries to jump as well, but she can't. She tries again, straining and tying with all of her might. Rippin Took comes back, grabs Kram Gamgee by the hands, and pull her over)

Kram Gamgee: (Looking up and smiling faintly at Rippin Took) Thanks, Rippin.

Rippin Took: (Shrugging) No problem.

(We see Jessie Brandybuck jump on the ferry first, bend down and get everything ready. Rippin Took and Kram Gamgee follow quickly, both breathing hard from running and fear. Jessie Brandybuck doesn't look up as she fiddles with the rope securing them to the bridge)

Jessie Brandybuck: Are we missing anyone?

Kram Gamgee: (Camera closes in on her face as she looks behind her and gasps) Lizzo!

(We see Lizzo Baggins running towards the ferry, her friends shouting for her to hurry, and being pursued by Verizon, who is hissing as he gets closer and closer. The ferry begins to drift away, and Lizzo Baggins runs along the bridge and makes a jump for the ferry. For a moment, we think she'll make it-but she misses it by inches and falls into the water with a splash. She screams and gasps before going under)

Kram Gamgee: (Shouting in fear) LIZZO!

(Camera shows Jessie Brandybuck pointing towards the water and looking at Rippin Took angrily)

Jessie Brandybuck: That is why we don't release the rope until everybody is on the ferry, Rippin!

(We see Verizon on the dock, looking down towards the water. The camera goes towards the place where Lizzo Baggins fell, and then we see Lizzo Baggins come back to the surface, swimming frantically, obviously having a horrible time keeping afloat. Kram Gamgee eagerly kneels down on the ferry and near her)

Kram Gamgee: (Overcome with joy) Lizzo-you're alive!

Lizzo Baggins: (Sputtering and splashing about the water) Yeah, I'm alive! Now could you please help me out before I drown?

(Kram Gamgee grabs Lizzo Baggins by the hands and pulls her out of the water. Lizzo Baggins looks towards the dock with a horrified look upon her face. The camera goes to the dock, where Verizon is rearing his bike back in anger and hissing wildly)

Verizon: (Hissing) WATER BAD FOR PHONESSSSSS!

(We then go back to the hobbits on the ferry, Lizzo Baggins lying down and looking back at the dock as it edges away)

Lizzo Baggins: (To Rippin Took) How much further to the next crossing?

Rippin Took: (Camera goes to her face as she begins rowing away, still looking towards the land they came from with a terrified stare) The Brandywine Bridge! Twenty miles!

(Camera goes back to Lizzo Baggins, who is breathing in and out with relief as the land floats away from them. We then see Verizon turn from the docks and run back to the forest-joining Adelphia, Sprint, and AT&T, who are riding on their bikes and ringing their bells simultaneously. The hobbits look at one another, wondering exactly how long they have till they come back)

Rippin Took: (A bit nervously) So-who wants to play Twenty Questions?

(All of the hobbits look at her, with looks that ask if Rippin Took is insane. She raises her eyebrows at the hobbits and looks shocked)

Rippin Took: What?