Scene Sixteen

(The company is traveling through the ruined city that was once Moria, looking behind them and side to side. Nobody is happy about the prospect of meeting Orcs, Goblins, or something else within these mountains. Only Kendalf appears to be less worried about this. He leads the company on, his staff aglow and eyeing the areas as he proceeds. Finally, they are walking along the edge of a great cliff, when Kendalf speaks)

Kendalf: (In a rather upbeat tone) The wealth of Moria was not in gold or jewels-but in mithril.

(Kendalf sweeps the staff slowly along the edge of the cliff, illuminating the precious silver that rests secretly along the cliffs. Megolas looks down with surprise on her face-obviously questioning whether such value can come from a race such as the Dwarves. Rippin Took leans towards the edge of the cliff, wanting to get a really good look, but Jessie Brandybuck grasps her by the back of the cloak and pulls her back to keep her from falling. Once everyone in the company has gotten a good look, they proceed. It is a while before Kendalf speaks again)

Kendalf: (In a simple tone) Milbo had a corslet of mithril-rings that was given to her on her quest to the Lonely Mountain.

Brimli: (Eyes wide at the mention of this) That was a kingly gift!

(Lizzo Baggins looks off to the side awkwardly as Kendalf continues speaking)

Kendalf: Yes, yes. I never told her-(In a rather amused tone) but its worth was greater than the value of the whole Shire.

(Lizzo Baggins looks up at Kendalf with a wide mouth)

Lizzo Baggins: (In a quiet tone, a bit angry) And there I was, spending my whole life trying to gain friends like a sucker! I could've just sold the shirt, bought the Shire, and made people like me!

Kram Gamgee: (Traveling behind Lizzo Baggins, looks up when she hears her friend talking) Did you say something, Miss Lizzo?

Lizzo Baggins: (In a far-off voice) No, Kram. Just dreaming of things that'll never be.

(Kram Gamgee merely shrugs and continues walking with the company. Suddenly the company stops as Kendalf stops at a severe problem. There is a wide arch in front of them with three passages leading in the general same direction. But the left-hand one plunged down, the right-hand one goes up, and the middle one just goes straight. We see Kendalf eying the area with severe puzzlement upon his face)

Kendalf: (In an audible whisper) I have no memory of this place.

(The camera shows the company suddenly look crestfallen at this. Then, we see Kendalf sitting on a stray boulder, facing the tunnels. He just sits there-in deep thought as he ponders which route to take. As we hear Jessie Brandybuck speak, the camera moves over to show the company resting on the broken stones as well)

Jessie Brandybuck: (In a sharp whisper) What's he doing?

Rippin Took: (In the same whisper) He's thinking.

Jimagorn: (Quietly) Anybody got any hair gel? Maybe some hair spray? Mikomir-I'm lookin' at you!

Kram Gamgee: Shh!

Jessie Brandybuck: (Looking at Rippin Took) Rippin!

Rippin Took: (Confused) What?

Jessie Brandybuck: (In a rather sad tone) I'm hungry.

Rippin Took: (Tears coming to her eyes) I know, Jessie. I know.

(We see a nervous looking Lizzo Baggins look behind her into the deep caverns below. Her eyes widen and the camera closes in on her petrified face. The camera then catches the slithering and silent form of Jenolum climbing among the rocks. The camera shows Lizzo Baggins-looking quite frightened-run towards Kendalf)

Lizzo Baggins: (In a whisper so as not to worry the company) There's something down there!

Kendalf: (Not even looking at her as he speaks calmly) It is Jenolum.

Lizzo Baggins: (In a rather shocked tone) Jenolum?

Kendalf: (Still in the calm tone) She has been following us for a long while.

Lizzo Baggins: (In a rather angry tone) And you were planning to tell me this when?

Kendalf: (Looks at Lizzo Baggins with a quizzical expression) Hey! I was going to tell you-one day.

Lizzo Baggins: (Deciding to keep from the subject) So-she escaped the dungeons of Barad dûr?

Kendalf: (With a small smile) Escaped-(Turns to Lizzo Baggins with a rather questioning stare) or was set loose?

Lizzo Baggins: (In a rather angry tone) Don't you get questioning with me, buddy! You know I'm not good with symbolism!

(Looking very nervous, Lizzo Baggins looks towards the caverns, and the camera shows Jenolum peeking through a crevice in the rocks-her pale eyes staring at the company, full of hunger. While we see her, Kendalf speaks)

Kendalf: (In a bit of a sad voice) She hates and loves the Movie-much like she hates and loves herself.

Jenolum: (In a low hissing voice as she speaks) I hate myself-I love myself- I hate the Movie-I love the Movie-I hate myself-

(We see Kendalf speaking, Lizzo Baggins standing and staring at him)

Kendalf: She will never be rid of her desire for it. (With a sigh) The life of Jenéagol is a sad one. (Looks at Lizzo Baggins) Yes, Jenéagol-that was what she was once called, not that much different from a hobbit once. She was once normal-before the Movie drove her mad. (Looks towards the entrances again, a grim look playing upon his face) Figures-always the pretty things that make you want to go insane.

Lizzo Baggins: (Anger on her face as she speaks) It's a pity that Milbo didn't kill her when she had the chance!

Kendalf: (Suddenly stern as he faces Lizzo Baggins) Pity? It was pity that stayed Milbo's hand. Many that live deserve death-many that die deserve life. Can you give it to them, Lizzo?

Lizzo Baggins: (Looking off to the side awkwardly, wondering what the big deal was) No-

Kendalf: (In a very stern tone) Then do not be too eager to rule out death and judgment. Even the wisest cannot see all ends. Something in me says that Jenolum will serve a purpose, for good or for evil-(We see Jenolum back away, her eyes narrowing) before all of this is over.

(Jenolum runs away with a hiss. We see Lizzo Baggins, with a very hopeless expression upon her face; sit down next to Kendalf, who looks at her with surprise)

Kendalf: (In a concerned tone) What's wrong, Lizzo?

Lizzo Baggins: (Giving Kendalf and incredulous stare) What do you mean what's wrong? Everything's wrong! I'm on a quest where everything relies on me-I just jumped into this situation without thinking-tons of people are probably going to die in this-and-and-! (Looks away from Kendalf, and looks down at her feet with helplessness) I wish the Movie had never come to me! I wish none of this had happened!

Kendalf: (In a small voice) That is because you're a pansy, and you're aunt was a huge dunder-head that likes to just pick things up off the ground.

Lizzo Baggins: (In a very venomous tone) Excuse me, Kendalf?

Kendalf: (In an understanding voice as he masks it all over) So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All that we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world, Lizzo, besides the route of evil. Milbo was meant to find the Movie, in which case you were also meant to have it. (Lizzo Baggins looks up at Kendalf, who is smiling fondly at the hobbit) And that is an encouraging thought.

Lizzo Baggins: (Looking up at Kendalf with a questioning stare) Really? I think it's more of a downer! That means that I'm destined for this fate! I'll never be able to get rid of this Movie!

Kendalf: (With a simple shrug) Well, that's easy to say when you're the Movie-Bearer. All I can tell you is that the spectators have it much easier than you.

Lizzo Baggins: (Furrowing her brow in distaste) Gee-thanks, Kendalf. That made me feel all warm and toasty inside!

Kendalf: (With a small shrug) Eh, it's what I do. (Looks forward and lets out a shout as he notices something) It's that way!

(Kendalf points towards the right-hand tunnel. We see the happy look of Jessie Brandybuck as she leaps to her feet and runs over to join Kendalf)

Jessie Brandybuck: (In a happy tone) He's remembered!

Kendalf: (With a small laugh) No, but the air doesn't smell so foul down this tunnel. (Approaches tunnel with Jessie Brandybuck by his side) When in doubt, Jessie, always follow your nose.

(Rippin Took comes in front of Jessie Brandybuck and starts to go down the tunnel after Kendalf. As she goes down, Jessie Brandybuck follows)

Jessie Brandybuck: (Sniffing the air and wrinkling her nose) Well, Kendalf, I'm followin' my nose, but it's not really smellin' nice. I think Rippin farted again.

Rippin Took: (Turning around to face Jessie Brandybuck, who is looking quite smug) Jessie, I mean it! Quit making remarks on my gas release-I mean-I didn't fart!

(We see the company travel down the tunnel, going quite quietly, but in far better spirits than before. As they emerge into the other side, Kendalf speaks again)

Kendalf: (In a happy tone) I suppose we could risk just a bit more light.

Jimagorn: (Runs up to Kendalf and grasps his arm in warning) No, Kendalf! That's murder on your energy bill!

(Kendalf gives him a scold, shakes off Jimagorn's arm and lets the light grow brighter. The camera goes around to show the marvelous Halls of Moria)

Kendalf: (In a solemn voice) Behold-the Halls of Moria.

(The company stares about the room with open mouths. We see Kram Gamgee staring about with Lizzo Baggins close by)

Kram Gamgee: (In a voice filled with awe) Whoa-this is gonna be the first place I'm looking at when I move out of my parent's house.

Lizzo Baggins: (Places a hand on Kram Gamgee's shoulder) Now, Kram, let's not talk about things that will never be.

(Kram Gamgee looks down sadly, and suddenly we see Brimli look towards her right and her face go taut with shock. She lets out a single shout of disbelief and takes off towards a door off to the right)

Kendalf: (Watches her go and shouts) BRIMLI!

(But Brimli doesn't hear, running through the door and into the room where there lies a stone tomb with Dwarvish script upon it. A single sliver of light falls onto the tomb, and once Brimli reads it, her eyes fill with tears)

Brimli: (In a disbelieving tone) No-No! (Kneels down against the tomb and begins to weep at the horrible truth)

(Slowly and silently, the company follows Brimli in the room. They look about, looking both nervous and curious at their new surrounding. The hobbits cautiously move to the back of the tomb, away from the entrance. Kendalf looks at the Dwarvish script)

Kendalf: (Reading out loud) "Here lies Malin, Lord of Moria" (Closes his eyes in dismay) So, he is dead, then. I feared it was so.

(Brimli puts her head against the tomb as she weeps. Then, she looks up towards the ceiling as she speaks)

Brimli: (Through her tears and pain) Why didn't I see this coming? His cholesterol was through the roof!

(Brimli weeps some more. Kendalf then notices the skeletal remains of a Dwarf leaning against the tomb-which clasps an ancient book. Kendalf hands his staff and hat to Rippin Took, who has moved closer to Kendalf. Then, Kendalf carefully takes the crumbling book from the hands of the dead Dwarf. The camera shows Megolas move towards Jimagorn to speak to him quietly)

Megolas: (In barely more than a whisper) We should go-we can't linger.

Jimagorn: (In a sly tone) Megolas! I didn't know you felt about me that way!

Megolas: (Angrily) I don't! I'm just saying that I have a bad feeling about this area.

(Jimagorn looks towards Megolas as if to reply, but Kendalf begins to read and nobody speaks as he reads the eerie message)

Kendalf: "They have taken the bridge and the second hall. We have barred the gates-but we cannot hold them for long"

(We see Rippin Took backing away, still clutching Kendalf's things and looking about anxiously)

Kendalf: (Still reading, squinting to distinguish the words) "Drums, drums in the deep" (Squints to distinguish the other words) "Eggs.flour.one case of Dr. Pepper.a large box of Q-tips.

Mikomir: (Looking bemused) Eh?

Kendalf: (Squinting to distinguish the writing) Oh! This must've been somebody's grocery list.

Rippin Took: (In a hopeful voice) There's a grocery store around here? Sweet! Put down candy bars!

(Lizzo Baggins shushes the other, content upon hearing out Kendalf's reading of the book)

Kendalf: (Desperately trying to distinguish the writing) I think there's an "I" in there somewhere. Oh, no. It's an arrow. (Obviously frustrated about this, turns the page and continues to read) "We cannot get out. We cannot get out-we lost the extra house keys. I think that my Cousin Freelo had something to do with it. Damn ingrate! Always taking our stuff!"

(As silence fills the area, we see Rippin Took suddenly stop walking as she looks behind her and gasps as she sees the skeletal remains of a dead Dwarf sitting upon an ancient well. For a while, Rippin Took eyes the Dwarf with curiosity in her eyes. Then, we see the faces of the company look about anxiously as they wait for Kendalf to continue)

Kendalf: (Camera shows him look up and speak grimly) "They are coming".

Kram Gamgee: (Swallowing) Well-that sucks! Not a very cheery funeral.

Lizzo Baggins: (With a rather deep scowl) What kind of funerals have you been to, Kram?

(Suddenly, we see Rippin Took twist the arrow that is sticking out of the dead Dwarf. The Dwarf's head falls off and plummets down the well, producing a loud bang as it goes. We see the members of the company look up as they see Rippin Took standing rigid with fear, realizing what she just done. For a while, nothing else happens, so Rippin Took turns back to the company)

Jessie Brandybuck: (In a logical tone) I don't know-I think that pretty much sums up the definition of "sucks".

Rippin Took: (Looking back towards the well) It's okay. I don't think anything will happen if we just-(Stops speaking as the rest of the Dwarf follows the head down the well, making much noise. And if that's not worse enough, a chain connecting to a wooden bucket follows the Dwarf. She looks at the company with a nervous glance) Ah yes-couldn't have done without that, now could we?

(The camera shows the faces of the company, livid with fear as they hear the horrible sound of the bangs from the Dwarf's fall. There is nothing said or heard besides the bangs as the company waits for the hammer to fall. When the bangs recede and they are left into silence, the company is stiff with apprehension. But, a few fair seconds go by and nothing else is heard. The company lets out a breath of relief. Kendalf slams the book shut angrily and glares at the cowering form of Rippin Took)

Kendalf: (Angrily coming towards the hobbit as she trembles slightly) Fool of a Took!

Rippin Took: (Barely able to look up at Kendalf as she speaks) I'm sorry, Kendalf. I was just-just confused and-

Kendalf: (Losing his temper) Then throw yourself in next time and rid us of your stupidity! (Angrily snatches away his hat and staff from Rippin Took)

Jessie Brandybuck: (In a low, taunting tone to Rippin Took) Ha, ha! Kendalf yelled at you!

Kendalf: (Irritably to Jessie Brandybuck) You shut up as well!

(We see Rippin Took look away, obviously very upset with herself. Suddenly, we see the face of Kendalf pull into a look of pure fear as he hears something. Rippin Took looks as if she doesn't understand what's going on, but then her face contorts into fear as well as she hears something. To assure herself, she looks towards the well and suddenly we hear it too: drums. Faint at first, but as the camera goes down the well and into the empty caverns of Moria we hear them grow louder than before. Then, as we hear a strange evil cackling, we go back to the company and see Kram Gamgee and Lizzo Baggins standing rigid with fear)

Kram Gamgee: (Cocking her head as she hears something other than the drums and cackling, looks down towards Lizzo Baggins' waist and her eyes widen) Lizzo!

(Lizzo Baggins unsheathes Sting, and her eyes widen with fear as she realizes it is playing the song, "Every Breath You Take")

Lizzo Baggins: (In a curious tone) Well-that's odd.

(Megolas' face goes into a look of fear as she realizes the truth)

Megolas: Orcs!

Kendalf: (Looks towards Mikomir and Jimagorn and shouts) THE DOORS! GET THE DOORS!

(Mikomir runs to the doors and begins to close them, almost getting hit with a black arrow. Jimagorn comes over and helps him immediately. They push the doors closed and we see Mikomir look at Jimagorn with a grim smile)

Mikomir: They have a cave troll!

Jimagorn: (Barring the door, stepping away, unsheathing his sword, and shouting towards the company) Stay back, everyone! Hobbits, stay close to Kendalf! Megolas, could you possibly hand me a granola bar from my pack?

(Everybody stares at Jimagorn in astonishment)

Jimagorn: (In an agitated tone) What? I'm hungry!

Brimli: (We see her as she stands on Malin's tomb and her face pulled into a look of fierce determination) Let them come!

Jessie Brandybuck: (Shouting from behind Kram Gamgee) No! Ignore that! Keep them as far away as possible!

(We see the doors, being banged against with axes and fists of Orcs. As an axe breaks through the, Megolas fires an arrow through the hole and a squeal is heard as the Orc is hit)

Mikomir: (In an impressed tone to the Elf) Nice shot.

Megolas: (With a shrug) I get a lot of door-to-door sales' people at my house. It's nothing.

Mikomir: (Looking at the door in worriment) The door will not hold for long! We'll have to stand and fight. (Unsheathes his sword)

Megolas: (Casually) Then we shall fight.

Mikomir: (Still concerned) But what if there are too many?

Megolas: (With a shrug) Why do you think Jimagorn's up front?

Jimagorn: (Angrily) Hey! I strongly apposed the idea of me being used as a human shield! And I think that nobody here would go for it either! (Shouting back at the others) How many here think it's a good idea for me to be the human shield?

(Everybody in the room raises their hands. Jimagorn looks very astonished)

Jimagorn: (Angrily) What? You all think it right that I should be killed?

Kendalf: (In a logical tone) Well-I think it would be satisfactory that we keep your body after you're killed, so that we can use it as a toboggan to ride down the Caradhras.

Jimagorn: (Angrily) You all suck!

(We see the hobbits unsheathe their swords, looking both afraid and determined at what they must do next-except for Rippin Took, who accidentally pulls out a rolling pin)

Jessie Brandybuck: (Scowling at her friend's actions) Rippin! You're holding a rolling pin!

Rippin Took: (Confused) Huh? (Realizes what she's holding and nodding) Oh- so I am!

Jessie Brandybuck: (In an agitated tone) You know that that won't save you from peril, right Rippin?

Rippin Took: (In a defensive tone) Hey! I'm pretty clever! I'll improvise! And this isn't even mine-I took it from Kram's pack a few hours ago!

Kram Gamgee: (Snatching the rolling pin from Rippin Took) Give me that! I wondered where that went!

Rippin Took: (Angrily) Well-what am I supposed to use now?

Jessie Brandybuck: (Rolling her eyes) What about that sword they gave you in Rivendell?

Rippin Took: (Unsheathing her sword and nodding in comprehension) Oh! I wondered what that was!

(It is a long moment of time before the door is finally broken down and the many black forms of Orcs shuffle into the room, attacking the unknown wanderers. It is a mess of swords and clinking as the company fights for their lives. For a while, the hobbits stay where they are, wondering what to do)

Lizzo Baggins: (In a calm tone) Okay, everybody remain calm. We'll go forward on the count of three. One-two-

(Lizzo Baggins stops as Kram Gamgee starts shouting hysterically and bolts into the battle, swinging her sword like a maniac. For a while, the other three hobbits watch her go with wide eyes)

Rippin Took: (In a reasonable tone) Or, we could just follow her.

Lizzo Baggins: (Nodding) That too.

(The hobbits shout wildly as they attack the Orcs. For a while, we just witness the fighting of the company. Jimagorn kills Orcs with every swipe of his sword, and it only takes a few swift movements for Megolas to shoot her arrows at approaching Orcs. Brimli shouts angrily as she swings her axe and killing any Orc that comes close enough to her. Then, we hear the thunderous booms and the company ceases fighting for a moment as they watch the entrance to the tomb. Suddenly, we see a huge cave troll crash into the room, Orcs pulling it by chains fastened about its neck. The faces of the company are pulled into a look of shock as they eye the monstrous creature. We see Lizzo Baggins and Kram Gamgee look at the huge creature. Lizzo Baggins looks quite petrified as she sees the cave troll)

Kram Gamgee: (Shouting as she speaks) GREAT GOOGILY-BOOGILY! (Points at the cave troll) WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?

(We see Jimagorn and Mikomir staring at the cave troll)

Jimagorn: (In a rather bright tone) Hmm, looks kind of like Mikomir's mom.

Mikomir: (Angrily looks at Jimagorn) Jimagorn, why are you always dissin' my mom? She's a nice person! She made you these brownies for me to give to you! (Pulls out a tray wrapped in plastic wrap and we see the brownies inside, with, "Good Luck On Your Trip, Jimagorn" written in green icing across the top)

Jimagorn: (As he looks at the brownies, he raises his eyebrows in interest) Ooh, she made me brownies? Give me! (Snatches the brownies from Mikomir)

Megolas: (Her hand drawing back the string to shoot an arrow, and looking at Jimagorn and Mikomir) Uh, guys! I think we've got bigger problems, here!

Jimagorn: (Irritably at the Elf) Uh-I think it can wait, Megolas! Gees! (Looks at Mikomir) Some women are so impatient, this age!

(The cave troll lets out a horrible roar, causing Jimagorn to drop the brownies and run over to the cave troll, but he jumps back as he is almost hit with a monstrous club of the troll. Brimli jumps off the tomb as the cave troll tries to hit her with the club as well; the tomb is destroyed in a cloud of dust and debris)

Brimli: (In a speechless tone as she stares at what's left of the tomb) Er- I think that he would have tolerated some flowers, instead.

(We see Rippin Took and Jessie Brandybuck lead Lizzo Baggins behind a pillar to hide her)

Rippin Took: (To Lizzo Baggins) Lizzo, since this mission has so much to do with you, stay here and we'll come and get you once the cave troll is dead.

Lizzo Baggins: (Quickly grasps Rippin Took's sleeve) But-what if the cave troll kills you before you can kill it? What if you don't kill the cave troll? What if the cave troll kills me before you can kill it? What then, Rippin, what then?

(Both Rippin Took and Jessie Brandybuck look at each other, shrug, and run off. Lizzo Baggins is left alone, and holds up her sword to protect her if she needs it. Then, we see Kram Gamgee hitting Orc after Orc with her pans)

Kram Gamgee: (In a powerful voice) Feel the wrath of Kram Gamgee and her non-stick pans! (As she bangs a particularly buff Orc on the head, causing him to crumple to the ground) And they said I would never make a good action hero!

(We suddenly see the cave troll bumble over towards the pillar that Lizzo Baggins is hiding behind. Lizzo Baggins senses its presence, and begins to go to another part of the pillar, rather like running around it to avoid being seen. For a moment, Lizzo Baggins believes it to have worked, and breathes with relief. But then, the cave troll's head pops on the opposite side of her and she lets out a petrified shriek. We see her screaming at the cave troll, and then she looks at the camera and screams at that. Then, with one movement, Lizzo Baggins jumps from behind the pillar to avoid the cave troll, but it grabs her ankle and is slowly pulling her towards it. We see Jimagorn finish off a horrible looking Orc and look confidently at Kendalf)

Jimagorn: (In a care-free tone) I guess that takes care of everything!

(We hear Lizzo Baggins scream hysterically, and Jimagorn looks to see the cave troll slowly pulling the hobbit closer to it. For a while, Jimagorn stares blankly at the troll)

Jimagorn: (In a simple tone) Well, damn.

(The cave troll raises its club in attempts to squash the hobbit, but Lizzo Baggins quickly jabs the troll in the wrist with her sword. The cave troll lets go long enough for Lizzo Baggins to make a good escape. She jumps down from where she is and makes to run away towards the company, but the cave troll blocks her off. But, then here comes Jimagorn from off to the side, a huge spear in his hand and he lunges it inside of the cave troll. But the cave troll only gets angrier as Jimagorn tries to kill it. The cave troll reaches over, and with one swat, sends Jimagorn into the wall. We see him slide down the wall, immediately knocked out. Lizzo Baggins shouts out as she runs over to him without a second thought)

Lizzo Baggins: (Shaking Jimagorn wildly) Jimagorn! Jimagorn! Wake up, Jimagorn!

Jimagorn: (Opens his eyes a fraction of the way and smiles dumbly at Lizzo Baggins) Pickles grow in bunches in the flower fields of Florida.

Lizzo Baggins: (Stares at Jimagorn for a while) That's-not good.

(Lizzo Baggins suddenly looks up as the cave troll advances upon her. She screams and dashes away from Jimagorn, but it is too late. The cave troll uses the spear to push Lizzo Baggins into a corner and lunges the spear into her stomach. The camera shows Lizzo Baggins' face go into a look of shock as the spear sinks in. Her eyes go wide and she sputters out a breath. Then, we see Kram Gamgee look over towards Lizzo Baggins and her face pulls into a look of severe shock)

Kram Gamgee: (Shouts) LIZZO!

(The camera shows Lizzo Baggins' eyes slowly close as she slides down the wall, and falls face first upon the ground. Then, we see Rippin Took and Jessie Brandybuck, who were fighting nearby, shout angrily and jump onto the cave troll without a moment's consideration towards their own lives. The cave troll grunts angrily, trying to shake the hobbits off, but they're clinging to the troll like spiders cling to their webs)

Jessie Brandybuck: (Logically to Rippin Took) You know-I just realized how retarded this is.

Rippin Took: (Looking at her watch) Hmm.five seconds. New record, I'd say.

(The hobbits then try to harm the troll by hitting it with their swords, but this is a useless attempt. Their effort is not in vain, however. This is the perfect distraction for Megolas to shoot an arrow into the cave troll's nostril. Once the arrow reaches the destination, we see the cave troll let out an inhumane growl of pain, and suddenly start to stagger around. It drops the club with an almighty bang, and falls forward along with it. With a shout, Rippin Took and Jessie Brandybuck are flung off the cave troll. The camera follows their fall)

Rippin Took: (Propping herself up on her elbow as she speaks to Jessie Brandybuck, who is straightening her glasses) You know, with all the dumb stuff we do-it's a wonder we don't get killed first.

Jessie Brandybuck: (Considers this and nods) You know-I suppose you're right. (Looks around the room) Ugh, what a mess.

(And it is indeed a mess, for there are countless dead Orcs scattered about the room, black blood gathers in small pools on the floor. The company is looking about them, obviously stunned by their progress in this event. Then, we see Jimagorn fully awake and shake his head)

Jimagorn: (In a dazed tone as he feels his hair-flip) Hair flip still intact-that's good. (Brightly) Well, on in all, I'd say everything's just peachy! (He looks to his side and sees the still form of Lizzo Baggins) Oh- crap on a crutch.(Closing his eyes in dismay and opening them again) Lizzo.

(We see Kram Gamgee approach him, tears in her eyes as she sees her master finally fallen. We see Jessie Brandybuck & Rippin Took make their way over)

Rippin Took: (In a small voice) I know this isn't the right time, but do you think I could have her pans?

Jessie Brandybuck: (In a shocked voice) Rippin! This is no time to be talking about who gets Lizzo's-pans, did you say? But-those are Kram's.

Rippin Took: (Understanding) Oh! Well, in that case, can I get Kram's pans when she dies?

(Jessie Brandybuck shushes the other as they watch. Jimagorn carefully reaches towards Lizzo Baggins and turns her over. We see Lizzo Baggins start breathing heavily as she opens her eyes. Kram Gamgee's eyes widen in astonishment and she runs up to Lizzo Baggins' side. Lizzo Baggins sits up perfectly, grasping her chest as she breathes in and out, Jimagorn sitting next to her with amazement on his face)

Kram Gamgee: (Breathless with happiness) Lizzo! You're-You're alive!

(The company gathers about the scene, pure astonishment and relief upon their faces)

Lizzo Baggins: (Speaking to everyone, seeing how everyone is watching her) I'm all right-I'm not hurt-just severely winded! (Breathes in and out, and Kram Gamgee puts a hand upon her shoulder for support) Who's up for supper?

Kendalf: (In a speechless tone) Lizzo, I hardly think you should be thinking about what's for supper!

Lizzo Baggins: (In an annoyed tone) What's the big deal? A huge cave troll just stabbed me in the stomach! I'm fine! Gees! Now, are we having roast pig, or some of that boar we caught yesterday?

Jimagorn: (Eyes wide with shock as he speaks) You should be dead! That spear was enough to skew a wild boar!

Lizzo Baggins: (Aware that everybody is looking at her with incredulous glances) Are you implying that I'm as fat as a boar? Because I assure you that Kram's the fat one!

Kram Gamgee: (In a hurt tone) Well that just sucks all the sympathy out of me in one shot!

Kendalf: (In a rather cunning voice as he speaks) I think there's more to this hobbit than meets the eye.

(Lizzo Baggins pulls open her shirt just enough for everyone in the company to look at the mithril coat under her clothes. Everyone eyes the coat in amazement)

Brimli: (Mouth practically open as she stares) Mithril!

Kram Gamgee: (In a rather amazed voice) Wow, Miss Lizzo! It sure was a good thing you wore that today of all days, huh?

Lizzo Baggins: (Looks off to the side awkwardly) Well-maybe I've worn it longer than that. (Aware that everybody is giving her a quizzical stare and she speaks defensively) Hey! The fabric makes me feel sexy, so what?

Jimagorn: (Rolling his eyes) I swear, the measures people will go through to look and feel sexy! Gees! (Begins to casually comb his hair-flip and touch himself on the chest)

(Suddenly, the company looks up as they hear the sound of many Goblins and Orcs deep within the mountains. They all are thinking the same thing: they cannot stay here)

Mikomir: (In a serious tone) Uh, guys, I know it's a great thing that she's alive and everything, but we gotta get the heck out of here!

Kendalf: (Shouting to the company) Hurry! To the Bridge of Khazad-Dûm!

Jessie Brandybuck: (Irritably) Oh-that's reassuring! Let's find hope in a bridge with "doom" right in its title! Why is it whenever doom is mentioned in the name, we try our best to run towards it! What would possess us to even consider waltzing into a place called "Mount Doom"?

Lizzo Baggins: (In a cold tone) Well, I don't think that the Eye of Jauron is going to call it the "Happy Mountain of Hope and Gumdrops" anytime soon, Jessie!

Jessie Brandybuck: (In a hurt tone) You know, Lizzo, if I didn't know any better-I'd say you were making fun of me.

Kendalf: (Seriously) Hurry! The Orcs will break through the gates within a matter of minutes! We must escape this forlorn tomb-

(Brimli suddenly gives Kendalf a very evil look, causing the wizard to reconsider)

Kendalf: (Quickly) Er-I mean, slightly misfortunate sight of Dwarf tragedy, so that we may continue our quest alive! Hurry! While there is still time!

(And with that, the company makes their exit from the tomb of Malin)