A/N: I forgot to say something last chapter. A few reviewers said that Lily and James getting together was a bit rushed.
This is EXACTLY THE POINT!!
They get together too quickly when they aren't mature enough! We see that in this chapter.
Trouble In Paradise.
Lily had never been kissed before, and it definitely ranked as one of the best
feelings she had ever experienced. After spending a while up in the Astronomy
Tower just standing in each other's arms, they had both come back to the dorm
to take showers, both looking incredibly happy. Lucky Peter, Remus and Sirius
were off doing something, or they would've had some tricky questions to answer.
But now, as Lily sat on her bed whilst James took his shower, she was having
thoughts. Her blurting out that one sentence to James had caused more
repercussions that what she'd imagined. She had wanted to start by saying that
she liked James in a more than platonic way, and discuss things from there. Her
voice, even after years of misuse, was perfectly fine, abeit very soft, and she
wanted to use that special moment to communicate with him in words. Sure, the kiss(es!) were great and everything, but Lily couldn't help
but feel she had gotten more than a little caught up in the moment.
Lily obviously felt very strongly for James, and when she looked up into his
eyes, she couldn't control herself, and that scared her. For three years she
had been a statue of a person who had control over whether she spoke or not.
That was just about the only thing she could control. But what she had
just done was so not her – so out of character that she couldn't believe she
had actually done it.
Do Lily really love him, or was it just a short
infatuation with someone that had "saved" her? She wasn't so sure anymore.
On the other end of the scale, James was in ecstasy. In the
shower, he was practically singing, not something he normally did. In fact, at
the moment, he was blissfully trying to compose what he would say to Lily when
he got out and it was her turn in the bathroom. None of the sentences he made
up in his head came out right when he practiced on the bar of soap in his hand.
You see, James wanted to ask Lily to the upcoming Christmas Dance.
He knew she had a dress. He knew the girls in her year would help her get ready,
so why wouldn't she go? He knew she had previously had no real intention of
going, but if he asked her, she would want to go, right?
He tried to imagine what Lily would be doing when he came out of the bathroom.
Would she be smiling up at him, ready to talk to him? Or would she be shy and
blush as she squeezed past him?
No time like the present to find out he thought, and stepped out of the
shower, dried himself off (too bad this isn't a TV show where we can see all
this!) and wrapped a towel around him self before opening the bathroom door.
James had expected many things of Lily's reaction, but what he didn't expect
was to find her curled up in her bed, shutting out the world and ignoring
everything, just like she used to. James had absolutely no idea what to do, but
he had to get the question out of his system before he exploded.
"Lily?" Lily ignored him just like she used to.
James took a deep breath and rushed in.
"Will you please go to the Dance with me Lily? Please?"
Lily said nothing, but she stiffened in what seemed like shock. Barely
fuctioning, she got up and ran into the bathroom, her face hidden from view by
her hair.
"Damn," muttered James. Perhaps it wasn't such a good time to ask.
~*~
Lily sighed as the shower water ran over her shoulders, and in the mix of
tears, water and soap tried to work out exactly what she was feeling.
Scared. Of how she felt about James.
Of how when she looked into his eyes she felt ready to give
him everything. Of the power of their kiss.
Confused. About how quickly things were going, and she
couldn't stop them. About how after she told him she "loved" him, he kissed
her. Why couldn't they talk for a while before getting into anything? She just
wasn't ready.
But he won't know that until you tell him she thought to herself.
And then she was sick. Sick of always shutting everything out, when she felt
overwhelmed or something didn't go the way she wanted it to. Sick of being so
young, acting like a child.
Maybe that was because, emotionally, she still was a child.
But that thought didn't occur to her. She felt so strongly for James, and was
so sick of running away.
Maybe it's time I finally started facing up to things, she thought. She
went back out, and when James worked up the nerve to question her about the
dance, she smiled and nodded. James was still kind of confused, but elated that
she said yes.
~*~
The days leading up to the dance were very confusing for most. James and Lily, much more awkward after the dramatic change in their relationship with each other, didn't really speak. James, however, kept an even closer and more protective eye on Lily, confusing the rest of the Marauders, And then there was the rest of the school, who were about as nosy as you could get, but had really no idea what was going on.
The night of the dance was fast approaching, and the whole school was excited. The third years and below weren't allowed to go unless with a date, but since they had their own parties in their respective common rooms, the excitement was infecting everyone.
Sirius, Remus and Peter all had no trouble getting dates, all nice girls in their year. James, of course, was going with Lily, but nobody really caught on to the fact that the two were actually a couple, as it would have been James' obligation to go with her anyway. James and Lily didn't mind, though, they were confused enough as it was.
James really wanted to talk to Lily, but she seemed to have clammed up in that sense, and he didn't want to push his luck. They had kissed on more than one occasion in the last few days, and Lily seemed truly happy for once. Life was good.
Until the night of the ball.
The ball was a disaster. Lily had been left in the care of the girls to get ready, and James spent some time with the Marauders while waiting for the girls to come down the staircase (CLICHÉ ALERT!!) and meet their dates.
Even the girls who put nothing into their appearance looked good. The rest of the Marauders all had "hot dates", but they were nothing compared to Lily.
Lily slowly and shyly descended the staircase wearing white dress robes. They were plain, but nothing could have had a better effect. The robe was a soft satin, with a halter neck and a fitted waist, as well as a flare at the bottom, which went past her knees.
He hair was half up, half down, with a few strands framing her face. She looked like an angel. James, predictably, was stunned. So stunned, in fact, that he couldn't speak.
The actual dance was very much like a muggle formal. The great hall was set for dinner, but instead of the long, plain tables and benches, there was small, individual tables that fit about eight each, and everyone was seated with their dates and friends. The Marauders and their dates had great fun trying to find their table.
They had a spectacular meal, but they were kind of immune to it as they had spectacular meals every day. Eventually, the tables rose up and cleared to the side, and modern music (both muggle and magical) came on. It was time to dance.
Lily and James immediately made their way out to the floor, as did many other couples. They danced slowly in time with the music. Both had exceptional co-ordination, which made it easier for them to concentrate on the music rather than each other. James thought about how much Lily had changed in the time he'd known her. In his eyes, she had morphed from a mysterious, troubled enigma into a girl with passions, feelings, and much more life than what she used to have. He wondered what would happen when she went home for Christmas the next day. Would Mrs. Evans notice the change in her?
Lily thought of that night almost a week ago, where she made the resolve to face up to things. Was she doing this right? It seemed that although she was now unofficially dating James, she felt more connected with him than ever before, but at the same time estranged from him. It seemed that she had gained his "love", but lost his friendship. She was pondering this when Malfoy, whose suspension from school was apparently over, knocked into her, sending her flying out of James' arms and onto the floor.
"Watch where you're going, Mudblood," he spat.
Lily was suprisingly unaffected. She, having only recently come into the magical word, had no real idea of what a Mudblood was, but she assumed it was something bad. At first, she recoiled on the floor in fear. Then, she remembered her "resolution" to take a stand. She didn't have the confidence to face up to Malfoy, so she stood and shakily walked out.
James looked about ready the pummel Malfoy, but Lily was his first priority, so he ran after her, letting the teachers take care of Lucius.
He found her with no trouble outside of the hall arms folded, looking like nothing was really wrong. He rushed up to her.
"Lily, are you alright? Are you hurt?" James came out with a barrage of questions, but Lily just sighed, and took a deep breath.
"I can't do this James," she said in a low, quiet voice, still a bit rusty from years of misuse (thanks Shortstuff10!).
James just looked bewildered. "Do what?" he asked.
"This," she replied, looking like she was about to cry. "I can't date you James, when you still treat me like a child. It's not fair on either of us. I don't get the room to grow that I need, and you won't get the respect you need from me," she sniffed.
"Which is why I think we should spend some time apart. I need room to spread my wings, James. To mature without you, and grow up abit on my own. Which is why I also think – at this point she swallowed- that I don't need a protector anymore. I think that after the holidays I'll be able to protect myself, and won't need you to watch over me anymore. I'm sorry James. I'll see you after the holidays."
Lily rushed off, leaving James just standing, there, alone, overwhelmed.
"I'll never stop watching over you ," he whispered, before heading to his room.
~*~
James felt really hurt by Lily, but at the same time encouraged. They could start something new, without the complications of Lily's "disability" that no longer existed. Besides, he had a surefire plan to get her back.
He would leave her over the holidays. Spend two whole weeks not owling her or anything. Give her room to grow.
Then he would get to know her as a friend. Talk to her, before rushing into anything.
The next day, he met his dad at the train station and started telling him about his term at school.
A/N: Aww! They broke up! But not for long!!
Okay. I've been slowly re-doing the chapters, so the first few are different, and eventually I'll do all but the last few. Don't bother reading them again , it's the same content but without the mistakes.
Also, this story is not far from done, so I've made the descision to thank everyone at the end. Hope you all don't mind. If you email me though, or leave the address in your review, I'll email you back with a reply.
Thanks SAVANNAH for kicking me in the butt!!
Happy New Year!
Lauz.
