Disclaimer: see previous chapters
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Lily couldn't eat. She was jittery and depressed and she had a headache that made the backyard spin. By eight o'clock she had four glasses of wine and a whisky sour. It was not the best combination and she felt her stomach turn and gurgle when she shifted positions. The lawn chair she was seated on had to be the most uncomfortable piece of furniture ever constructed as far as Lily was concerned.
Three hours. That was how long it had been since she had her little revelation. Three hours of pretending nothing was wrong, actually, three months of pretending nothing was wrong, but now there was a name, and a face.
James knew something was amiss. He knew ever since he went to look for her. Was she crying? He didn't know. From her expression it didn't look it. Her cheeks were pink and she kept feeling her forehead to see if it was warm. Maybe she's sick, he thought. It happens.
"Lily—" he began, putting his hand on her leg. She was shaking.
"Excuse me." She said, and abruptly got up and left the table.
Lily practically ran inside, her right hand over her mouth, the colour completely absent from her face. Nicole gave Diana a quick look after about five minutes, when Lily had yet to return. Diana nodded and the two women got up at the same time and went inside.
Without a word they searched the large house quickly, looking from room to room on the first floor. Nicole found her in an instant, crouched on the ground in the guest bathroom next to the kitchen.
"Oh God." She whispered. "Ana, in here." She said, motioning Diana over to the door.
The room was drenched with the smell of vomit and alcohol. Diana sheltered her mouth in an attempt to thwart the smell from penetrating through her nasal passages. Lily was breathing in and out deeply without picking up her head. She well knew they were there, but couldn't bring herself to get up.
Nicole slowly walked over to her and put a worried hand on her shoulder, attempting to turn her around.
"Lily." She said, stroking her hair.
"Don't." Lily grunted. She sniffed loudly and slowly picked up her head. She grabbed a fist full of toilet paper and wiped her mouth with it.
"I'll get you some water." Nicole said grimly, as she got up and hurried out into the kitchen. Lily could hear the sink turn on and the water run. Diana just stood there.
"Get her something for her head." Diana said, turning over her shoulder. Nicole nodded and grabbed something quickly from her medicine cabinet.
"You've had too much to drink." Diana muttered. Lily nodded consciously. "This is no way to deal with these things, sweetheart."
"What is the matter with you?" Nicole asked upon returning. She handed Lily a cool glass of water with several ice cubes, and two unmarked pills, presumably aspirin. Lily took it gladly, the toilet paper still clutched in her hand. She answered Nicole with a burp, however, before she cleared her throat.
"I….I." Lily tried speaking, but words didn't come out. Instead she keeled over the toilet once more and coughed stridently, but nothing more came out. She had nothing to eat that day anyway.
When the coughing fit ended, Lily plopped down on the cold, hard tile with teary eyes and a migraine. She took a sip of her drink and popped the pills into her mouth, swallowing in one large gulp. She rubbed her temples agitatedly.
"It'll kick in, just give it a few minutes." Diana said in a monotone voice.
Lily sniffed again and put the cold glass up to her forehead. "I'm sorry Nicole." She garbled.
"For what?" she answered, crouching down on the ground beside her.
"I…I……..I don't want to be a……a burden." Lily said, in between hiccups.
"Don't be ridiculous." She said, soothingly as she took the glass out of Lily's hand and placed it on the floor beside her. "I am just a little confused. What is all this so sudden distress?"
"Well…." Lily began, sounding slightly more like herself. "You remember that woman, you know, James' girlfriend?" Lily said, pulling her hair back and twisting it between her fingers.
"Um, no. When?" Nicole asked.
"I think what she wants to say is mistress." Diana chimed in. "As in, most recently."
"Alright. And what about her, dear?" Nicole said, looking at Lily awkwardly.
"Lily knows who she is, and judging be her state, she wasn't happy with her conclusion." Diana said.
Lily confirmed this by nodding.
"Oh, damn." Nicole said, shaking her head. "Who was she?"
Lily hesitated, as if speaking that name would cause her to have some sort of breakdown. She opened her mouth but no words escaped her lips. It was certain she had some tears left after all.
"Don't make her say it." Diana said, softening at Lily's reaction. "Come here, I'll tell you."
"You knew?" Lily whispered as she jerked up her head. Her eyes had the look of disloyalty in them. Lily had felt she couldn't trust anyone anymore. She started to get up, but couldn't balance herself on her legs. "I knew it." She said, through her teeth.
"No, no." Diana said frantically. "I found out when you did, a little before. Don't go all crazy on me Lil, I am not against you."
"Tell me." Nicole said, a little impatient. Diana looked over at Lily and she nodded, granting permission.
"Alright. Do you want me to whisper it or can I speak it aloud?" Diana said, taking into account Lily sensitivity.
"I don't give a shit." Lily angrily mumbled.
"Hold on, I think I know." Nicole sighed.
"Ok….." Diana said, inquisitively shaking her head.
"It's Narcissa isn't it?" Nicole said, extremely cautiously.
Diana and Lily looked up at her, shocked.
"How the hell did you figure that one out?" Diana asked. "Even I had to be told."
Out of the three, Nicole was the only one who knew nothing about her. But Nicole was far from stupid. She had seen the signs everywhere. She had heard them describe her, when Lily first found out, that day in Muggle London.
Nicole just shrugged at them. "Who else could it have been?"
Lily almost chucked at Nicole's response. She found it rather funny, that she was the only clueless one among them. Her confidence dropped to the lowest degree.
There was silence. No one knew what to say, so Diana walked over to Lily, crouching down next to Nicole. She had some difficulty though. Her backed ached a little when she plopped down on the ground. Lily looked away from the both of them, but Diana grabbed her hand and forced her into a hug.
Lily began to sob. She hugged Diana tighter, making the corner of her shirt damp. Diana started crying too, against her better judgment. She didn't know who she was crying for, Lily or herself. She lightened the grip on Lily and Nicole joined them. The sight of her two best friends on so much pain made her heart break, and the three just sat there, bawling on the floor together, letting out whatever was building inside of them for so long.
"What is happening to us?" Nicole whimpered. Their grip became looser as they tried to stop. Nicole rubbed her eyes with the bottom of her shirt.
"I don't know." Lily whispered. "Everything's just……."
"We are so pathetic." Diana said, sniffling. "Look at us."
"We're a mess." Nicole said.
"Girls?"
They turned around abruptly, suddenly embarrassed. Peter had come in to use the bathroom.
"Peter." Nicole said, trying to sound the least bit cheerful. She cleared her throat. "How are you?"
"Uh…..fine. What's going on? Do you want me to get someone?" he asked in one short breath.
"No!" the three said at once.
"Everything's fine Peter, really." Nicole said, wishing he would leave.
"Are you sure?" he asked, hesitantly.
"Yes." Diana said, rubbing her eyes.
"Um….alright." he said, not believing a word they had said, but Peter wasn't going to ask questions. "Is there another bathroom down here or—"
"Oh, right. Um, there's one upstairs. It's the first door on your left." Nicole said.
"Thanks." He said, and with a reluctant smile he left.
"That was annoying." Diana said, sighing. "Talk about bad timing."
"Yea." Lily said. "Oh, what am I going to do?" she asked shaking her head.
"With James?" Nicole asked. Lily nodded.
"It's just……I can't……How could he do that to me?" she said, banging her fist on the toilet seat in aggravation.
"Lily, we've been through this." Diana said.
"But why her?!" Lily cried. "Anyone but her!"
"But I thought you liked her." Nicole said.
"I did! Until I found out she was fucking my husband behind my back. Friends don't do that!" she screamed. If she didn't take it out on James, someone was going to hear it. "And that bastard outside trying to be nice to me, when he knows all along……….he doesn't want to feel guilty, that's it. No, god forbid James Potter feels guilty about anything! He's trying to avoid it, thinking I'll forget. Ugh! I could kill him right now!" she yelled, clenching her fists.
"And I swear, sometimes I could smell her, that nastily expensive perfume, and I ignored it. That……that coward."
"Do you really want to do this Lily?" Nicole asked, concerned. "It will only make it worse. If you—"
"She's right honey." Diana said. "Now come on, get up. It's not as bad as it seems—"
"Oh, because you would know." Lily chuckled, angrily. "Sirius never cheated on you."
Diana looked at her, and reluctantly shook her head. "Don't pick a fight with me because you're hurt. It's not fair."
Lily sighed loudly. "I know, I'm sorry. It's just that……why can't I have a marriage like you two? You guys are perfect together." Lily said taking another sip of her water.
Diana gaped at her. "Are you kidding? Oh, Lily, please tell me you're joking." She said, all too seriously.
"Please. He fucking worships you." Lily replied. Diana felt a knot in her stomach begin to form.
"Lily I think those drinks have gone to your head. We're not talking about me, nor do I want to right now. Do you understand? Listen, let's just get up and go back outside—"
"I can't go back out there."
"Yes you can." Nicole said. She stood up and lightly dusted herself off. She looked at her reflection in the mirror, checking to see if tears were still visible. "You both are, right now." She demanded. "And Diana—"
"What?"
"You have to tell Sirius the truth as soon as possible." She blurted.
"What are you talking about? Truth about what?" Diana asked.
"You know what." She said, nonchalantly.
"Elaborate." Diana answered, propping herself up by hanging onto the sink.
Then Nicole walked over to her and put her hand over Diana's diaphragm. "He has to know."
Diana took Nicole's hand and gently removed it. Then she walked over to the door and quietly shut it.
"Do you really want to go there?" Diana asked, clenching her fist. "And you can't just bring this up. We were talking about Lily's problems." She said, trying not to sound juvenile.
"You can't avoid this, you know. It was bound to happen sooner or later. Did you think that you could just, well, not have children? Don't you think he would have noticed?" Nicole inquired.
"I never said I didn't want children………..ever…….But listen I don't want to talk about it." Diana said. "Let's just go, ok?"
"Then why did you shut the door?" Lily asked, still sprawled on the tile.
"Ok, well, I sort of have to tell you both something." She said, hesitating a bit. "Before we go outside. Now, it's a little off topic--"
"And you're choosing now?" Lily asked. "This is a little random." Her headache medicine hadn't kicked in yet.
"Well I have to tell you in private, and this way I don't draw attention to myself and the men don't ask questions." She explained.
"Alright." Nicole said.
"But you have to swear you will never tell Sirius." Diana whispered. "Never."
"Are you sure that's a good idea? What if he—" Lily started.
"You can't Lily alright? I need your word." Diana said. "Both of you."
"Fine." Lily sighed.
"Fine." Nicole agreed.
Diana locked the door and drew closer to Lily and Nicole. They had their ears open; ready for whatever it was she had to say.
"Do you remember that night? The night of the attack three months ago?" she whispered.
"Yes." Lily said. Nicole continued to listen.
"Well the next day, after everything had happened I had a talk with Dumbledore in the hospital wing."
"What about?" Nicole asked.
"I'm getting there. He had given Sirius and I notice of our awards and, well, I found out about this." She said, motioning quickly over her stomach.
"So Sirius was there? Then why can't we tell him?" Nicole asked.
"No, Dumbledore had asked him to leave the room so he could speak with me."
"Oh, I understand. Well what did he say?"
"Well, Lily remembers the night before. I ran into the Lestr—um, a few of the old Death Eaters, and they sort of made the Dark Mark reappear."
"Good lord, why?" Nicole asked, intrigued.
"I think they found it mildly amusing." Diana said, earnestly. "Anyway—"
"Hold on." Lily said. "I though you got rid of that thing. How could they possibly make it reappear?"
"Because I never got rid of it. Err, that was a lie."
"Well that's lovely." Lily said. "Let's just lie to everyone." She said, sarcastically, still untrusting.
"Lily, you don't understand. I can't get rid of it. There is no way. I've tried. You both remember all the ways I've tried." She said, shuddering. "It's permanent."
"But no one can see it. It's not still there so how—" Nicole began
"I'll explain. Dumbledore gave me a potion. Now, I have to take it every six months. It's so I can't see it or feel it. Now no one knows this and it is very complicated which is why he made me promise not to tell. It is only meant to use on Dark Wizards and if it was ever found, well; I'd be in real trouble. Not to mention that this is its only use, and if the Ministry ever found out who I was, I'd be in Azkaban for life."
"So that's what he did? He just gave you the potion again? Is it Dark Magic?" Lily asked.
"Well, yes, but………..well, he asked me if this is what I really wanted, you know, getting rid of it."
"Why would he ask you such a question?" Nicole asked, in shock.
"Because………he explained to me the, uh, uses for it. No there are the obvious ones of course, but……..we are members of the Order now. We must take desperate measures."
"How will leaving the Dark Mark on your arm help in any way?" Lily asked, extremely interested.
Diana sighed. "Its not there. I can't see it." She faltered. "But I can feel it."
"What? Are you serious? Are you mad?" Lily asked, raising her voice. "Do you have any idea how much risk is involved? You could get yourself killed!"
"Shhh! I know, I know. Shut up! This is why you can't tell Sirius. If he finds out, he'll kill me. Do you understand that? The last thing I need is for him to find something else to be cross with me about. He won't forgive me. I promised him………and I am deliberately breaking his trust."
"This is big Diana." Nicole said, troubled. "How do you know? Have there been any meetings? What if someone comes looking for you? What if it happens in the middle of dinner or something?"
"Nic, Nic, calm down. I know how to control it. It's not as bad a people think. Now Lily….." she said, averting her attention. "Dumbledore said that whenever this happens," she said, pointing to her arm, "that you must come with me, especially now. We have our cloaks, and our wands. Now I don't know what we do when we get there, but……..well, we'll figure that out when the time comes."
"Ok, Diana." Lily said. That was all she could say. She knew Diana was terribly worried, but she didn't show it. She certainly had a lot of weight on her shoulders. Lily didn't understand how she could do it.
Suddenly they heard a knock at the door. They had been in there for a long time. Whoever was on the other side of it tried to open it and found it locked. They knocked again.
"What the bloody hell are you three doing in there?" They heard. It was Remus. It turned out that they did notice they were gone, but James and Sirius were too afraid of their wives to attempt the search.
"We're coming." Nicole said. "One minute." She lent her hand out to Lily, who groaned and propped herself up. Lily glanced in the mirror reluctantly and wiped her eyes. There were no dry tears. She looked all right.
Then the door opened. Diana had opened it. There was Remus, but a few feet behind them stood James and Sirius, presumably not wanting to be seen, and looking a tad nervous. Diana smirked at them. Were they really that intimidated? She thought.
"Is there something the matter boys?" she lightly asked.
"What were you doing in there?" James asked her, strangely. He narrowed her eyes at her. "You were in there for an awfully long time."
"Were we?" she asked, looking back and forth from James to Sirius. "I wasn't aware." She shrugged. She felt a bit calmer now that she had at least one heavy item off of her shoulders.
"Where's Lily?" he asked, in the exact same tone, as if Diana was purposely hiding her from him.
"Don't worry, she didn't escape. Not yet anyway." She said in a mock attitude. James seemed to be on her hit list too. She hinted at it. She strolled over to the sink and filled an empty glass with water. She glanced behind her to see that Lily was still in the bathroom making herself decent and Nicole was putting the food Remus had brought in the sink. Then she looked at her husband. He was just standing there.
"Why so silent?" she said, as she turned back around. "Don't you have anything to say?" she asked, enquiringly.
"I assume you are speaking to me." Sirius said, walking to the other side of the counter.
"Mm hmm." She replied, gulping loudly and turning around. "No opinions?"
He shook his head. "Have a nice pow wow with the girls? Bashing us horribly I expect."
She smirked. "You'd like to think that, wouldn't you?"
"Well, what else would you have been doing, purposely ditching us? We were forced to listen to Alice's ghastly wedding plans. You women can talk until you're blue in the face you know, about things like marriage." He said. Diana could tell he was tired. "Lily alright in there? She didn't look too good."
"She had too much to drink." She replied, off hand.
"You didn't tell her, did you?" he asked, in the midst of a yawn.
Diana shook her head. "I told you I wouldn't. I don't go back on my promises."
"Good." He said, as he took her glass, which was now empty, and placed it gently in the sink. "If you did, I'd have to kill you." He said, jokingly.
"You look exhausted." She said, noticing him blinking furiously, and yawning. He just nodded.
"Long day. Lots of stress." He said, rubbing his eyes.
"I'm sorry." She said, honestly, knowing much of it was her fault. "I didn't mean—"
"No, it's not your fault. Well, not all of it." He replied.
She hesitated, then took her arms and wrapped them around his waist. She clung to him for a minute, and he returned the hug.
"What's this for?" he said, in all curiosity.
"What? I can't be sweet to you?" she said, defensively. He raised his eyebrow at her.
"I don't know. I'm a little afraid of you. You're a little scary sometimes."
"Gee, thanks." She said, even though she knew it. "But, I am sorry sweetheart. I know I have not been pleasant." She figured she should be sweet, since she was lying to him and everything.
"And I get a pet name and everything." He said, grinning at her. "You should lock yourself in the bathroom more often."
"Not funny. And we were in there because of Lily, not me." Then she leaned up and kissed him lightly.
"Well, how long will this charm last?" he said, as she squeezed his hand.
"I don't know. Say something else unintelligent, and we'll see." She said, kidding.
"And the abuse is back. That was fun though." He said. "Good times." Then he actually saw her laugh.
"Ana! Ana!" she heard and quickly turned around.
"Yes, Mr. Weasley?" she asked, as she saw Charlie run through he doors. Does he ever tire out? She thought.
"Wanna play Exploding Snap with me? Bill's acting like an idiot and refuses to play. But that's because he sucks but it's not my fault he doesn't know how to play, and it's not even that hard---"
"Whoa, slow down." She said. He was talking so hastily. "Hey! I thought I was too old to associate with you?" she put her hands on her hips. "I don't know sir, I never did get my prune juice, and I will need that can just to get over there. It just might tire me out to the point—"
"Ok, ok, you're not old! You're young, in fact, you look younger than me, but I am so bored will you please play with me?" he begged.
"What are you, four years old? Of course I'll play with you. Just stop whining." She said, and yanked one of his ears. "Where is it?"
"Outside, come on. It'll be dark soon." Charlie said, grabbing her by the hand and dragging her outside. He always acted like such a child around her. She sort of liked it.
They played for over an hour. Nicole kept jumping in the kitchen because she was so startled. The sound wasn't exactly discrete. It was after all, a came where cards exploded. Charlie, of course, found it hilarious. Diana had a headache, but didn't show it. She just liked spending time with him. He was a nice distraction.
Molly was furious. The game kept waking her up, and she hadn't slept in about ten years. Percy started to cry, and the twins were absolutely hysterical. Sirius walked outside to watch. The wind was cooler. It was the longest day of the year, he noticed.
He tried catching the twins, who were attempting to tickle their poor father to death. Their mother was almost in tears. He scooped them up, despite their giggles, and dragged them to the other side of the backyard, trying to get them as far away from Molly as possible.
"Keep them away from me Black!" she pleaded, turning red. Then she quickly laid back down again. Poor Molly, Sirius thought.
Sirius sat on the grass with them, tickling them until they surrendered. Even at only one year old, Sirius had the odd feeling that the twins were trying to explain themselves, thrashing their hands about, in an attempt to say 'it wasn't our fault!'
"Why so glum Ana?" Charlie asked, as he saw Diana's expression sour at the site of her husband. She felt guilty, and she knew that she had to explain everything. Tonight, she thought. She couldn't take it anymore. He was so good with children.
"Nothing, sugar. Who's turn is it?" she asked.
"Mine." He said, eagerly, and in about thirty seconds the entire backyard seemed to shake as Charlie had won for the fifth time in a row.
~*~
"Lily? What do you say we go for a walk or something." James said, cautiously. Something was wrong, he knew it, but he didn't dare ask what.
She turned around. She was the last to leave the bathroom and was sitting on the couch in the living room, thinking. James joined her immediately but she had refused to talk to him. Instead she ignored his presence and looked in the opposite direction. She didn't know how long hey had been sitting there until he spoke up.
"What would be the point of that?" she asked in a monotone harshness.
"I think we should talk for a bit. You've been awfully quiet."
"Have I been?" she asked rhetorically.
"C'mon, let's go." He said, and got up and lent his hand out to her.
"Ugh, fine, as long as you're not annoying about it." She said, figuring she might as well do something.
They got up and walked outside. It was twilight. To avoid stares from Diana and Sirius, Lily suggested that they went out the front door. James yet again ran into Sirius' motorbike, and complained for about a minute. Lily ignored him.
"Do you want to tell me what the hell is the matter with you?" he asked, impatiently. "You are starting to freak me out, Lily." He said.
"James, you said a walk. You never said we had to talk about anything." She said with an obvious attitude.
"I'm sorry, I thought it was understood that when two people take a walk, it prompts them to have some sort of discussion."
"What do you want to talk about?" she asked, trying her best not to throw him in front of a moving car.
"I just told you." He said, incensed.
"Oh right." She replied with a sigh. "Nothing, I'm just not in the best mood."
"Does it have anything to do with me?" he asked.
"Oh no, never, my love." She said, with a hint of sarcasm that he couldn't quite place.
"Lily…." He said, leaning on Sirius' motorcycle. She secretly hoped it would fall, maybe even crush him. She dismissed this thought as childish, however, and resumed her grudge. This was going to take a while.
"I want to give you your present now." He said.
"Now? James can't it wait until we get home? I am really—"
"No, I've been waiting since yesterday to do it. And I'm hoping it will, um, lighten you up a bit." He said with a nervous smile. She wasn't falling for it.
"Well?" she said, quite callously. Everything she thought before, everything she knew she ignored. She didn't care. She hated him right now. She thought about how he would feel if she had slept with Sirius, or Malfoy even. But she was attracted to neither of them. She was actually thinking, as he was speaking, about whom she could sleep with, right then, just to piss him off.
"Well……..it's not here." He said, still confused.
"Then where is it?" she asked impatiently. "I don't have time for this." She opened the front door.
"No, darling, wait." He said. "I'll apparate home and bring it here."
"You take me out here to give me my gift, and then you say you forgot it at home. You are so thick." She said, rolling her eyes.
"Sweetheart." He said, grabbing her arm. She didn't move. "Let's go home."
"I'd rather not. We haven't even had cake yet." She said, tapping his watch with her free hand.
He sighed. "Alright." He reluctantly said, and let go of her. She walked inside, slamming the door in his face. She walked through the house in a rush, and out into the backyard. The cake was on the table, and Alice, who was talking to Frank, was lighting the candles.
"There you are Lily." She said. "We had wondered where you'd gone."
"Well here I am." She said, in her best fake voice.
"Diana! Come here, we're singing now!" Alice called, and Diana got up and walked over to the table. She was quite relieved to end playing with Charlie. Her ears were ringing from that horrible game. She couldn't understand why she loved it so much when she was a child. That, and Charlie had invented his own version of Your Song, a tune by a Muggle musician names Elton John. He was singing it at the top of his lungs.
They sang happy birthday to Lily and Diana, Bill and Charlie singing louder and longer than all the rest. Molly slapped them upside the head for being so annoying. Nicole cut the cake, while Remus served, and they all gathered back around the table.
Even Moody was sociable. They all talked and laughed and almost forgot about their troubles for a little while. The combination of sugar and alcohol seemed to lighten everyone's mood. Peter actually attempted a joke, which everyone laughed at out of pity, and general intoxication. The only one who didn't drink was Lily. She couldn't risk it. And of course, Diana couldn't, so she made fun of everyone who did, especially Sirius, who had quite the stomach for wine, but not the mind for it.
After about twenty minutes, the sky had grown completely dark and the subject was shifted to the expecting couple. Diana had decided to take it in strides. After she had been properly fed, she didn't have the heart to upset Sirius with her negative attitude.
"Absolutely not!" Diana yelled and slapped James hard in the back of the head, on purpose. Lily just leaned against her chair, folded her arms and listened. That was appropriate, she thought.
"Why not? I think it's only fair that you name your child after me." James answered, quite offended.
"No offence Prongs, but the day we name a child James Black is the day I have a sex change operation." He said. His cheeks were red. He had clearly had one too many gin and tonics.
"And we all know how cross Diana would be being married to a woman." Frank said, his arm around Alice. "She'd have to turn into a lesbian." He said, and started to laugh.
"You all are so immature." Diana said, shaking her head. "I would just leave him and marry someone else. That or go on a sex spree. I haven't decided. Let's see, how much would I charge?" She said.
"Well that's just mean." James said, faking his disappointment. "It's a good name. It's only proper to name him after his godfather."
"What the hell makes you think YOU are going to be the godfather?" Diana said. "The last thing I need is my child to have bad karma."
"Why would I give him bad karma?" James asked.
"I prefer not to get into that." Diana said. "You're just bad luck." She said, pushing him.
"But seriously now." Peter began. "What are you going to name this kid?"
Diana turned slightly red. "I really have no idea."
"Well, it has to be a good name, a strong name." Nicole said. "One that people don't forget."
"Like what?" Remus asked, pouring himself a rum and coke.
"How about…..Sirius Jr." Sirius said, lifting his head up in the air. Diana did her best to laugh at him. She seriously did not want to discuss this, but she didn't want people to start talking. She was a very good actress, pretending nothing was bothering her.
"Oh god no." She said. "I would never do that to a child."
"What are you saying?" Sirius playfully asked. "What's wrong with my name?"
"Nothing." She said. "But I can't imagine calling a baby that."
"Oh and what would you call a baby?" James asked.
"I don't know." She said, pretending to think. "I would rather call him Snuffles."
"Now that's just cruel." Sirius said. "And it doesn't mean anything important."
"And Sirius does? You're a dog for fuck's sake. Since when is that something to be so bloody proud of?" She said. "Besides, I want this kid to be human, thank you very much."
"I'm human." Sirius said.
"Well, the jury is still out on that one, my love." Diana said.
"Oh is it now?" Sirius said. "Thanks. Make me all self conscious why don't you."
Diana actually smiled. "Do you want to be Snuffles?" she said in a baby voice.
"Stop it."
"Do you? I'll call you that if you want. It's cute."
"I don't want to be cute." He said. "I am a grown man."
"Hardly." She said, chuckling.
"She has a point. You guys don't want a little black puppy running around now do you?" Alice asked.
"Great. One more thing for me to worry about. Thanks Alice." Diana said.
"You worry too much Diana." Moody said, joining in.
"Do I?" she asked, and narrowed her eyes at him.
He nodded.
"Lighten up." He said. Diana looked at him as though she had never seen him before. Either he is making a joke or he can see right through me, she thought. So instead of contemplating it, she ignored it.
"So what's new with the Potters?" Peter said, light-heartedly making conversation.
"Nothing really." James replied. "Same, good, boring, you know. We're not that fascinating." He chuckled.
"What about you, Lil, any little Potters on the way yet?" Peter asked.
She smirked. "No, not soon at least." She said plainly.
"Oh come on, honey. We want little Sirius Jr. to have a cousin." He said, taking her hand.
"Well he'll just have to wait, now won't he?" she said, shooting him a glare.
"You'd better be careful, James." Frank said. "You don't want Lily to slip through your fingers now. It's easier to run off when you don't have children." He said, making a joke. His cheeks were excessively crimson.
"Oh, shut it Longbottom." James said, chidingly. "What ever happened to trust?" He said, squeezing Lily's hand tighter. He looked at her and smiled. She returned it feebly.
"I guess it's dead along with chivalry and fidelity." Lily said, bluntly. James just looked at her. He couldn't believe how quickly she had altered that day. Maybe she wasn't as forgiving as she seemed, he thought, vexed.
The rest of the table laughed, except for Diana and Nicole, who knew she was far from making a joke.
The night grew darker, and it was very late by the time people were ready to leave. Even the Weasley boys had to admit they were tired, and the twins had fallen asleep next to their mother and father. Percy was on Remus' lap until he too, fell asleep.
"It is so late." Nicole said, yawning.
"Indeed it is." Said, Arthur Weasley, stretching. "Molly, Molly wake up we have to leave now and get the children to bed." He whispered, nudging his wife.
"Children? What?" she said, jolting up. "Oh yes." She said, rubbing her temples.
They packed the children away into the car, an old Ford Anglia, and said goodbye to everyone. The boys hugged Lily and Diana tightly, as though it would be forever until they would see each other again. They kissed them on the cheek and wished them a happy birthday once again. Then the Weasley's drove away, but not before Molly spoke with Remus about 'Important Ministry Business.'
"We'd better leave too." Sirius said, more flushed and tired than ever. He glanced at Diana, who nodded exhaustedly in return. She got up from her chair. She said goodbye to whomever was remaining. When she got to Nicole she stopped her.
"Talk to him, honey." Nicole whispered. "You owe him that." Diana nodded and finished kissing everyone goodbye. She suddenly dreaded going back to London.
"You ok?" Diana asked, when she came to Lily, lastly.
"Yea. I will be, just give it a couple of days." Lily replied, twitching.
"Days? Well good luck." Diana said, hugging her.
"You too." She said, winking at her. "You need it."
Diana walked outside to the porch with Sirius, staring at the motorcycle in disgust.
"I can't believe we have to ride all the way home, at night, on this……thing." She complained, crossing her arms.
"No choice." He said, before yawning again.
"Wow, Sirius, that is quite the motorbike." Frank said, surveying it. "Compensating for something?" he laughed.
"You know Frank, you can be a real dick when you're drunk." Sirius replied, before starting it up.
"Where'd you get it?" he asked, pretending he didn't hear him.
He jerked his head to his wife behind him. "This one right here."
"Don't look at me like that." She said, because Frank was staring at her in disbelief. "I had no idea he'd care about it more then me. You should see him, polishes it every day." She said casually. Sirius started it up again. It was louder and more impatient this time.
"It was her bloody idea." Sirius said. "Said it gave me an edge."
"I was kidding." She replied, reluctantly climbing on the back of it. "You had an edge to begin with. A rather annoying one really." She said, smirking. Then they sped off, defying limits, and were back in London in less than thirty minutes, about a quarter of the time it would have taken them to drive. By the time they arrived home Diana was white with fear.
"You…..are…..the worst driver……in the history of the world……." She said, panting.
Sirius found this exceptionally amusing, considering he was still a bit tipsy. "Yep." He said, proudly and went inside.
Oh god, she thought. Either this is going to go really well, or horribly wrong, she thought. And he wasn't even 100% sober. I'll wait a bit, she told herself, and went in the house after him.
"I am starving." He said, thinking out loud.
"What are you talking about, you just ate." She said, watching him grab an entire steak out of the refrigerator and begin heating it up.
"Well, you know, all that gin. It'll make me sober up faster. You know what alcohol does to you." He said, searching for something to drink.
"Sirius, your not high are you?" she asked, all too seriously.
He began to laugh as he closed the fridge and grabbed a teacup out of the nearest cabinet. "No, my love, I'm not."
"Hmm, pity." She said, under her breath. It would have made it easier.
"Hand me those." He said, referring to the teabags behind her. She grabbed one and handed it to him. "Want one?" he asked. She shook her head, refusing. Then he reached for his wand, which was on the counter, and heated his cup, which was now filled with water. It was steaming. Then he reached in his pocket, grabbed a cigarette, lit it with the tip of his wand, and offered her one.
"I thought you said—" she began.
"Oh right." He said, retracting them. "Sorry."
"Uh, Sirius?" she asked, trying to make her voice not shake. She had to get it over with, or it would be bottling up forever.
"Yes? How is my pretty brunette?" he asked, giving her a light peck on the cheek and rubbing her shoulders.
"My god, you are hammered." She said, shaking her head. " I should have driven home."
"No, I am fine to drive, and we're alive and that's what's important." He said, grabbing a knife and a fork from the drawer next to the sink. Then he looked at her. She didn't look right. "Did you want to talk to me about something?" he asked, leaning against the counter.
"Well, um, yes actually, but finish eating first." She said.
"No, I can eat and listen at the same time." He said, grabbing a stool and putting it in front of her. She didn't sit down, so he did.
"No, it's ok, it's not important. I'll tell you later." She said, sighing, cursing herself for being such a coward.
"Ok, babe, but listen….." he began, shoving a piece of steak into his mouth. It was about a week old, so it tasted a little tough, but he didn't care. He just made a face, but continued eating anyway. "We have to discuss how things are going to change around here, you know, once the baby is born."
"Oh, Sirius, not now." She begged, but he didn't notice her hands begin to shake. "Can't we just—"
"I was thinking about turning my office into a nursery, you know. That way we can have our privacy. I can work in the living room and the baby can have its own room. And once he, or she gets older we can get a house with a yard, and who knows, maybe a pool……"
She was overheating. It broke her heart to hear all of his expectations. She had to lean on the counter to keep from tumbling over. He continued eating.
"…..and we can stop having all those parties at Remus'. It'll be great, just like it used to be, well, with a kid now of course. With a big backyard you could teach them how to play Quidditch and I can teach them useful little spells here and there. Our baby's going to be a little genius like me, and a gorgeous creature like you. And who knows, maybe I can teach it to transform like me. Of course, that means you'll have to learn too. We can be a whole little family: a dog, a cat, and well, uh, maybe a polar bear." He laughed. He was rambling.
"Oh it'll be great, you'll see dear. Could you imagine? And then when James and Lily have a child we can all be those annoying little parents who only live for their children. Parent meetings, Hogwarts letters, trouble making. They'll have your Hispanic temper, and my Scottish sensibility………."
He was interrupted by a loud sob. It sounding like she was gasping for air. She had her hand over her heart, and her face was cherry red. He dropped his utensils immediately and got up, not knowing what was wrong. He walked over to her but she pushed him away and ran into the bedroom, slamming the door. He sobered at once, running after her. When he threw the door open he found her crouched in the corner of the room, beside the bed.
"What? What?" he asked, frantically, crouching in front of her on his knees. "What happened, what did I say?" he asked, trying to pick her head up. It was buried in her hands and she was crying loudly.
"I—I" she began, in between gasps. "I can't have this baby!" she cried. It sounded worse when it was finally said out loud.
He was beside himself. "What? Why? Are…..are you scared? If it's the pain—"
"No." she whispered, shaking her head. "It's not that. I just, I can't! I don't want children!"
"I don't understand. What's wrong, my darling? You have to talk to me!" he yelled, shaking her slightly.
"I can't have a baby, I won't. I would make a terrible mother. I lack all feminine maternal qualities."
"You would make a wonderful mother--"
She looked at him with intense shame and put her hand on his cheek. "Oh, Sirius, my sweet husband…….." she sobbed. "I'm sorry………."
"Sorry for what?" he asked, incredibly worried about her.
"You are married to catastrophe." She cried. "A cold, unfeeling, wicked catastrophe."
"Catastrophe? What are you saying?" he whispered, looking at her with difficulty.
"This child." She took a deep breath. "It's cursed. Don't you understand? Nothing good can come from this. He'll know, he always knows."
"Who?" he hesitated. "Voldomort."
She nodded. "They'll come after us. They'll kill us; they'll murder us and take the child."
"Why? What does he want with our child?" he said, a hint of anger in his voice.
"This child……..is the heir of Ravenclaw, he knows that. He knows who I am. Don't you understand? He knows, he's waiting, biding his time……..he can see everything. When I give birth….my baby…..it goes to them. Not to mention that he, or she, will be the very last Black. It would be a tremendous asset."
"But they can't---I mean, they can't just—" he stuttered.
"Oh but they can, and they will. A deserter never gets off without punishment. You know this. As far as they're concerned—"
"But you've been punished. Jesus, Diana, you've been punished!" he shouted. "No one has suffered more than you!"
She shook her head. "No amount of physical torture satisfies their appetite. It's insatiable. They'll keep coming until there is nothing left of me. They won't stop until they get everything they're after. Me……….you. They'll stop at nothing until I am dead, or insane, or unrecognisable. Oh Sirius………I hate that I brought you into all this. You deserve so much better than me, you don't even know…….It is selfish of me to keep you."
"Don't you dare talk like that." He said, viciously. "Don't you ever let them make you believe that."
"Actually it's quite the opposite." She muttered. "They hate you."
"They should." He said, gravely.
"I screwed up your whole life……..my whole life……..all because of a girlish crush, a desire……..I was foolish and now I'm paying for it. My mother always told me….Slytherins are trouble. I should have listened to her." She blubbered.
"Diana, you had no way of knowing—"
"I was selfish. All I cared about was myself. And then, everything changed. Lucius Malfoy wanted me. He wanted me. I was blinded by charm and a pretty face. How was I to know? How was I to know his plans for me were different? I was special, he said…."
"Diana, I—"
"And then there was you. You with your bad-boy ways, and your charisma. I loved flirting with you, I still do…….why did you choose me Sirius? You could have had anyone. I cannot bring you happiness. We can never have a family………."
"Yes we can." He said, clearly. "And we will."
"But—"
"Do you think I care about him, about the lot of them? It's you I care about, and I'll be damned if I let anything happen to you. You're safe with me." He whispered, forcing her into an embrace. "We'll fight them off, you'll see. This child is also mine, and I'll protect the both of you until I breathe my last. I promise. You never have to go near them for as long as you live. I'll protect you both, my wife, my child."
Diana's crying calmed and she hugged him tighter. "You love me too much." She said, half jokingly. "I don't know how you put up with such a burden."
"Well I chose this burden, and if I were to do it again, I would have gotten to you before Malfoy did."
"But you hated me when I was with Malfoy."
"Maybe a little, but in some respect I have to thank him." He said. She looked at him like he was insane. "Well, think of it this way: if you hadn't taken a fancy to him, I never would have seen you as a piece of ass, now would I?"
She chuckled slightly. "I suppose not. It's nice to know what part of your anatomy you were thinking with at the time."
He smiled at her. "I know now it was for the best, and I love you and that's what matters. What's happened is not important, you're important. And if he was right about one thing it was that you are special. Diana, you have so many people around who love you. You are well protected here, and Dumbledore won't let anything happen to us. Alright?"
She said nothing, only nodded slightly.
"This baby is a blessing, as all babies are."
She sniffed. "We'll have a pool…….."
"And a house…….we can beat them…….I'm here, I'll always be here."
"I know. But I don't know if I will." She tried to get up, but she couldn't. He got up first, and lent his hand out to her, pulling her up. "I'm sorry I am so cruel to you, to everyone. I don't mean any of it."
"I know. And I love chasing you."
"Chasing me?" she asked, walking over to the bathroom.
"Yes, you know, work for your affections."
She smiled. "I see." She opened the door and closed it, sitting on the toilet seat cover. She breathed in and out several times, thinking.
Everything will be alright, she thought. Sirius loves me. He'll protect me. We will have all those things, a house, a family, everything he wants……..everything I want.
She stood up again and looked in the mirror. I look a fright, she thought, disgusted by her reflection. She tried cleaning herself off by washing her face with cool water. She didn't know how anyone could sit there and tell her she was beautiful with a strait face.
When she went to grab a towel off of the rack she stopped suddenly and grabbed her stomach. A strange feeling came over her, but it wasn't pain, no. It was a faint thumping, in the pit of her belly, as if something wanted to make its presence known. The baby was kicking, and as she looked in the mirror once more, she couldn't help but smile. Her heart lifted and colour had flooded to her face in an instant.
She threw the door open.
"Sirius." She said, beaming. He looked at her strangely then walked over to her. "Feel this." She said, taking his hand and putting it where she had felt the beating.
"What is that?" he asked, strangely. He had never felt that before.
"Wait, go higher." She said, guiding his hand. "Do you feel that? That consistent beat?"
He nodded. "That's the heart." She said.
He grinned the widest she had ever seen it. "Beautiful." He said, kidding her hair. "Absolutely beautiful."
(Forgive the mushiness. Next chapter, since this one is so long, will be mostly Lily and James, since I got this out of the way.)
Kaeldra~ I always love when you review, you were one of the first :) I'm glad you were able to stomach all the romance; I know you're not crazy about it. Neither am I but it fits here. And yes, you were right about Diana. Dramatic, no? I had fun with that one. Love ya, and thanks!
Lelegurl9~ oh yay! you read this one too! I am excited now! And you thought it was finished, no, it has A LONG way to go just yet :) I am thrilled you like them both. This one is a continuation of The Things We'll Never Say, but I'm sure you caught that. Thank you for adding both my stories to your favorites.
Feather~ yes, such pivotal moments, but I'm like that :) I sort of answered some stuff see? And Lily's redheaded grudge is back! And well, she's pissed. Love ya! And I'll talk to you soon!
Alexia S. Luclwit~ you are the awesomest, and I really love that you love it! Hell to bike riding in jeans! And I'm glad that I finally got the Click it or ticket bit :)
Ashley~ I am glad that you are so enthusiastic about it! Yea she found out, she had to right :) keep reading, you're lovely!
Senav Shania Gold~ oh please don't cry dear! I know I can be depressing, but they'll get all fluffy and stuff too. About the dirty stuff, I have to keep it PG-13, and I do know I have young readers like you :) you have also been with me since the beginning, and I love you for it :)
DancinEvy~ thank you! I still didn't answer the present question but I will in the next one, this was getting way too long. And I plan on continuing this story until a little past their deaths, until Sirius goes to Azkaban and Harry is dropped off at the Dursely's, so I have a lot to go, but I love that you think it's amazing. I hope its all you make it our to be :) and thank you for putting me on your faves, I appreciate it :)
Xnedra~ oh faithful reviewer, who even has time to stop and say hello despite all your horrid exams! So this is the chocolate cake, oh well, the mud pie (or whatever you called it) is up too, and I'm glad you like both of them. I like my work being compared to deserts. I think its quite fitting, and I love chocolate.
Lily's Star~ you gave me 5 reviews at once so I adore you for that! You are lovely, but you overrate me, just a little :)
James Fan~ I haven't seen you lately but if you are still reading then you are lovely too :) I am sorry, however, that you wasted your entire evening to my little story. I do hope it was worth it.
For everyone: ok, well we all know that Order of the Phoenix is coming out in, well, three days, so, there will be a little pause considering I have to read it. And, since I know we are suppose to find out a shit load of secrets, and the true identity of certain people, there might need to be a little tweaking in the story, I haven't decided yet. I want it to be true and make sense, after all. Hmmm, but for those of you who are going to then I do hope you enjoy it! Have fun, and don't lose too much sleep on it, like I will be doing. Have a lovely weekend!
