Disclaimer: I own nothing. Sorry for the ridiculous wait. I hope you guys didn't forget me, or this :) your reviews are beautiful, and yes, I read all of them and remember them. For all the praises and the suggestions. I don't know what I'd do without such loyal readers. Thank you :) all the italics are being spoken in French. Just keep it in mind.
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One month later……..
As the sun rose over the hills of Monmartre, a little Parisian woman, old in age but quick in step, shuffled about a spacious three bedroom flat, cleaning up where she could, and muttering little inconveniences under her breath. She cliqued her tongue and sang to herself in hardly enforced operatic tones, as a young woman twisted and turned in her bed, trying to block out the noise.
The young woman's hair was darker than ebony; quite different than when she had first arrived. She still had the eyeliner on from the night before, smudged and stained, and it made her eyes appear sallow and large, giving them a sort of sad elegance as they fluttered open.
"Diana....……Diana…..Diana, darling, wake up granddaughter, please........" The old woman said, as she touched the young woman's hair, messy and wavy all at once. The girl just smacked her hand away.
" I don't want to." she groaned, in a voice that was scratchy and exhausted. She then let out a loud cough, heavy in phlegm and sickness. She was still recovering. The sickness was new and unplanned, but came after she had arrived."You must." the old woman said, sitting on the bed. Diana only rolled farther away from her.
"No." she answered, using hardly any vocal chords.
"Yes." she retorted, persistently. It sounded more like an order than a request.
"Please, grandmother, leave me alone." she begged, pulling the covers over her head.
"You must get out of bed, little girl. You can't sleep all day. " she said, getting impatient with the girl's lack of cooperation. "It's Sunday."
"Why not?" Diana answered, as the shades were thrown open in her bedroom. She let out a screech of discomfiture."We'll miss church. It's bad for you, for your soul, angel." the woman said, pulling the covers back to reveal Diana's face clearer. She looked worse than death, and dejected. Her once full cheeks were washed out, and her cheek bones shown through her now porcelain skin. The term of endearment was not welcome, but she couldn't fall back asleep now, so she hopped out of bed to show her rage at being disturbed.
"Fuck my soul! I am damned anyway." She screamed, grabbing her satin robe off of her chair next to the bed. She plopped herself down on it and grabbed the almost empty pack of cigarettes that lay crumpled on her dresser. Throwing one leg over the arm of the chair she lit it, coughing as she inhaled.
"So be it, you stubborn cow." her grandmother muttered, folding the sheet over the bed. Diana pretended she didn't hear her. "I'll make you some breakfast. How does that sound?" she said, changing her smug face into a smile for her depressed great-granddaughter.
"I'm not hungry!" she yelled, staring out into the open window. From that spot she could see the Eiffel Tower, the high rooftop of the Paris Opera House, and the busy streets below her. She crossed her legs in that direction, before she sighed. She continued smoking her cigarette."You don't yell at me child." the old woman spat back, waving a finger at her. She lightly slapped her granddaughter's crossed legs. Diana cringed out of annoyance, but did as she was told. "I don't have to keep you here." she said, as Diana just stared at her.
She tied her robe tighter, and tried to pin her hair back in a twist. It just fell loosely, not cooperating. She watched her grandmother finish making her bed, and she realized how dependant she had become on her services. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I'm just so tired--""You must eat. I will cook you something." she answered, walking up to the child and putting her wrinkled hand on her cheek. She smiled pleasantly at her before giving her a wink.
"I have no desire to eat." Diana said, putting her own hand over her grandmother's. She got up from her chair and flicked the ash of her cigarette out the window, watching the people come out of their homes for Sunday breakfast in the bistros; the happy opera goers eager for the matinees.
"You're emaciated, my dear." she said, watching Diana's now slight frame, draped only by a thin layer of satin, covered in red roses, and ripped black stockings she had slept in. The woman noticed her granddaughter rub her stomach without thinking, and she was breathing in and out, stretching her diaphragm. She had forced out the stitches weeks ago, and a thin but visible scar was her reminder.
"I don't care." Diana said, focusing her attention on a teenage boy on a bicycle. His horn honked as he sped past their street.
"Don't you want to be beautiful?" she said, but she didn't think Diana heard her. She was about to leave her and go make breakfast when Diana turned to the side, facing the window front."I am not beautiful." she said, looking at her reflection in the sun's shadow.
"Yes, you are, my sweet one." she said, walking over to her and putting her hand on her shoulder. Diana said nothing, but stood staring out the window with her cigarette still in her hand. "And your husband thinks you are, I'm sure. He loves you so after all--"
"I don't have a husband." Diana said, quickly, angrily throwing her cigarette out the window. She drew the curtains closed again so she could change. She threw off the robe to reveal black panties and bra. There was a black garter holding up her ripped stockings, which she quickly unclipped. After putting on new ones, clean ones, she grabbed the nearest pair of black high heals.
"Then whom have you been pining over?" she said, watching how awkwardly the girl undressed.
Diana stopped. "I don't know." she whispered, grabbing a brush off of the floor. She tried to neaten her hair with it, and then just decided to pin it up, away from her face. She was sick of her hair, so she tried again.
"Tell me, what ails you. Why are you so sad, my love?" Diana shook her head, and then shrugged, looking at herself like she had never seen her own reflection. "You are lost. I can see that, dear one. You miss him so."Diana looked at her peculiarly. She was disturbed but said nothing. She denied it privately, while her heart ached. She could have sworn she asked for no mention of him at all, but her grandmother never listened to anyone, let alone a silly little girl she hadn't seen in a decade. Diana straitened up and held her head high. "He is better off now." she said, grabbing a small cloth out of the dresser drawer. She began to rub her eyes with it, taking off the makeup that had lingered.
"Why do you say that? If he is half as sad as you are, then this was a mistake." she said, waving her hand in front of her.
"No, this was no mistake. He is happy now, or at least he should be." Diana sighed, hoping it was true. The last thing she wanted on her conscience was guilt, as if she didn't have enough of that as it was.
"Because you are not in his life?" her grandmother said, trying to understand her. She picked up the ripped stocking from the floor, shook her head and threw them out. Diana simply nodded at her remark.
"You were married to this man, and you think he celebrates your leaving?" she asked, thinking it was absurd. Diana got up from her chair after wiping the red lipstick that was still on her lips. They were pale underneath, a sight she had become accustomed to.
The closet door was open and Diana tried to find something suitable to wear for the day. She ran her itinerary briefly in her head. She turned to find her grandmother staring at her.
"I made him miserable." she said, taking out a neatly pressed sundress. It didn't belong to her. Her grandmother said it was her mother's. She never did get to clean out her wardrobe there, after the sudden death of her and Diana's father while she was still at school.
Her grandmother started to laugh. "That is our job as Renton women, Diana. To make our husbands miserable." Diana did not find this funny, despite her grandmother's attempt at softening her mood. "Your mother did the same to my grandson, and I was proud to have her as a daughter."
She smiled at Diana, seeing Alison, her mother, shine out through her. "Oh darling, you are so like your mother, the same dark appearance, the same beauty. But your eyes, your eyes are your father's."
Diana examined the dress further. She flipped it once or twice, reflecting on what the woman had said. She didn't think it was true. Then again, she didn't remember her father much. At least that is what she had taught herself to believe. The dress, which her mother once wore so elegantly in her youth, was now an aged piece of fabric, but neat nonetheless. It seemed suitable, for it was either that or her mother's Go-Go boots. She was disgusted by anything from her own wardrobe. There were too many reminiscences.
"Do you think I am a bad person?" Diana asked, undoing the zipper and carefully draping the short dress over her head. It was a bit loose. Diana, as well as her mother, had hips, but Diana's weren't as wide anymore.
"Why would I think that, dear?" she said, neatening Diana's dress with her hands.
"You don't know. You don't know what I've done." Diana said, stopping her. She went to look at herself in the mirror. She looked like she could be out of a photograph.
She remembered her mother well, at that moment, and how she used to do the same. Diana's hair had always been lighter than her mothers. She had gotten that from her father, but over the past month it darkened to a colour she hated. It brought back too many memories. She thought she looked like someone else, someone with a shrill laugh and foreboding presence.
"But I know what you think. You cannot throw your life away because you are afraid." she said.
"I am not afraid!" she yelled back, breathing heavily, pulling the dress below her knees. "It was for the best." she said sternly, buttoning her dress.
"Whatever you need to tell yourself, my love." she answered, shaking her head. "Liar."
"Enough of this." Diana sighed. "I'm going to work."
"You're late." she said, shaking her head at the shameless attempt of getting away from her problems. "Visit your aunt on the way home." she called back, as she let the door slam. Diana just waved a wave of indifference, as she pulled her sunglasses over her eyes.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Oh yes, we were delighted, weren't we James?" Lily said, faking a smile to the Mistress of Magic, Millicent Bagnold.
"Supremely." He answered, in a mock excited tone that matched hers.
"I'm glad. Dumbledore knows you all deserve it." the Mistress answered. "So you'll agree to do it? We could really use you."
"Of course." Lily said. "It'll be……fun."
"That's the idea." Millicent answered. "Now you know that you have to show up one hour early to help with the catering and what not. We are so short handed, and we want the foreign Ministers to know how seriously we take our jobs. And what better way than to have the Aurors plan it? After all, we owe you so much." She chuckled.
"Mm hmm." James said. "It's an honour." He lied. "And my wife loves cleaning. Anything to do with a broom, she goes crazy." He laughed throwing his head back in false amusement.
"And my husband here is quite the chef. Anything you need, anything at all, just come to him and he can whip it up in no time." Lily said, slapping his hand a tad harder than usual.
"Excellent!" she said, excitedly. "Now make sure to tell the others, for I do lose track of all of you. Now I know this may seem a bit provincial but I appreciate your sportsmanship and I know Dumbledore will be very proud."
"Thank you." James and Lily said at once. "Have a lovely morning. We look forward to meeting with you further." Lily said, getting up and shaking Bagnold's hand. James did the same, and they walked out of her office with the look of thankfulness they tried to express.
Once they were outside the Ministry, on the other side of the phone booth, James took out a cigarette and started smoking it, walking briskly next to his wife, who was doing the same.
"What the hell were you thinking in there?" James asked, raising his voice a little when they were on the other side of the street.
"Oh please. You were acting the exact same way." She said.
"That's because you told me too." He said.
"Well, you listened, didn't you?" she said, taking out a pocket mirror and looking at her reflection. "Now hurry up. We are going to be late for the rehearsal dinner." She ordered.
"Ugh, I can't believe we have to do that. It degrades us." James said. "And don't you mean rehearsal lunch?"
"Doesn't matter. But I agree. Helpers? Is the Ministry going crazy? They just don't have anyone who wants to go to a function, and they figure, with us disguised as the help, if there is an attack we should be ready for it, no?"
"We don't have to wear uniforms do we?" James asked.
"How should I know? I was in the same room as you were?" she said, fixing her hair slightly in a passing window.
"Yea. Hey, and what was with the whole cooking bit? What if she actually asks me to do it? I've never cooked anything in my life." He said.
"Me? You started it with your whole 'my wife loves to use a broom' nonsense." She said, pulling her bag higher on her shoulder.
"I was only joking." He said, raising the pitch of his voice higher.
"It wasn't funny." She said, glancing at her watch. "We have to pick up Sirius." She sighed.
"Oh right." James said, losing some of his energy as well. "Well, we're close. No harm waking him."
"Just please knock this time." Lily said, nervously. "I don't want to, you know." She said, shaking off an unpleasant thought.
"I'm completely on your side." He said, shuddering. "Lily, do we have to go to the rehearsal lunch?" he whined.
"Yes. I've told you we had to for about two weeks. I don't want to go either, but I'm the girl's matron of honour. Why I need to rehearse standing next to her is beyond me." She said, as they both turned the corner down Sirius' block.
James laughed. "Do you think the old coot will show up?" he asked.
"He had better. This is ridiculous. Giving us orders through Bagnold, as if that means anything." Lily said, waving her hand in the air. "We started training again last week, and now Crouch wants us to be servants too. Do you think they have meetings about this? How to confuse and make the lives of Aurors a living hell?" Lily said.
"Calm down, love." James said, slowing his pace. "It's just a party. The entire Ministry will be there, that's all."
"That's what I'm afraid of. Ugh, could you imagine? Malfoy, Nott, Snape, Macnair, all laughing at us while we're forced to serve them champagne? I hate my life. Not to mention the fact that we are one short." She said, chucking her cigarette in a bush outside of Sirius' flat. "You knock."
"I don't really want to, Lil." James said.
"You said you would." She said, slapping him lightly. "And, I can't either. I don't want to."
"Fine." He said, and knocked three times, loudly.
Sirius answered the door about half a minute later. They smiled weekly at him, and he gave a nod and motioned them inside. He had a cigarette already in his mouth, and he hadn't shaved in about a week.
"Sirius, Christ." Lily said, looking around at the flat, particularly the kitchen, which was a total and complete mess. She sighed. "Look at this place."
"I know. I know." Sirius mumbled. "Cleaning lady had the week off."
"You could have at least washed the damn dishes." She said, rolling up her sleeves to do it for him. She reluctantly put her hands in the sink and turned on the faucet.
"Padfoot, put some clothes on." James said, making it clear that Sirius only had on boxer shorts.
"Yes. And get that disgusting thing off your chin." Lily commanded, referring to his scruffiness.
"Sorry mates." Sirius yawned. " 'Preciate the concern. Although—"
"Is the shower on?" Lily interrupted.
"Uh—" Sirius said, scratching his head.
"Save it, mate." James said. "Do you have any food in here?" he said, opening the fridge, which was baron. "Clearly not. Never mind."
"There's no water pressure." Lily said, turning off the faucet and getting her hands out of the sink. "Is there anyone else here?" she said, folding her arms.
"Well, it's funny you should ask that, Lily. It's…..well, it's actually a really funny story-"
"Sirius? Sirius?" they heard a feminine voice from the hallway say. Then, they saw a petite, dark haired woman come out from the shadows in a towel. Her hair was wet. "Where's your shampoo—oh—oh my." She said, when she saw James and Lily.
James cleared his throat while Lily widened her eyes to the point where it was obvious what she was feeling.
"Lily?" the woman asked, as if it could have been anyone else.
Lily tried to calm herself down and smile at the woman. "Hello, Rebecca."
"So lovely to see you." She said, condescendingly. "And James, you look good-"
"Lovely to see you too, dear. It has been ages, hasn't it?" Lily said, although looking at Sirius.
"Mm, seems like forever. So, you two are still married I take it?" she asked. Lily narrowed her eyes at her.
"It would appear so, wouldn't it?" she answered.
"Yes, but, as you know, things aren't always as they seem, are they?" she said, airily. "Well, I suppose I best be going now." She said. "Seems like you three need to have a chat. Lovely to see you all again though. What's it been, four years?"
"About." James said.
"Don't you think you should get dressed, dear?" Lily said, tilting her head to the side.
Rebecca chuckled, and walked back into the bedroom to where her clothes were. The three said nothing to each other while they waited. James just looked at Sirius in disappointment, and shook his head. Sirius shrugged, as if he didn't care.
Rebecca came back out in the clothes she had worn the night before, presumably. Her hair was tied back now, and she began to feel a bit awkward just standing there. Sirius decided her time was up. "I'll owl you." He said, after he grunted.
"Right." She chuckled, as she passed them. "I'll bet. Listen, Lily…."
"Yea?" Lily answered wondering why she was still in the room.
"I do hope everything works out. It must have been difficult, having your friend kill herself like that. You know, I always liked her. But, it was bound to happen I suppose. Too bad." She shrugged, while Lily looked at her in confusion. "Well, I'll let myself out." And she did.
Once the door was shut, James and Lily just stared at their friend. He didn't know what all the fuss was about.
"What?" he said, lighting another cigarette, while James went into his room to grab him a clean shirt.
"Winters?" Lily said, as if she were morally offended. "You're fucking Rebecca Winters…..again?" her voice was rising by the second.
"Fucking is a very strong word, Lily." Sirius said, scratching his head. "We talked."
"I'll bet you did." James said. "Damn, Padfoot. You are still married, you know." He said, sourly, chucking an undershirt at him.
"Suddenly you have morals?" Sirius asked. "Did you two just come here to piss me off?" he said, walking over to the coffee pot, and pouring coffee into it. He didn't know how old it was.
"You told her she was dead?" Lily said, fuming, trying to keep herself from strangling him.
"Dead, in exile, rotting away, what does it matter?" Sirius said, scrunching his face at the old coffee.
"It's a lie is what it is." James said, taking the coffee cup away from him.
"Lies, the truth…..it's all a very thin line really." Sirius said. "People make up stories all the time to make themselves feel better. It's like therapy."
"Which is what you need." Lily said. "And if you're making up stories in your head we have bigger problems."
"It's not your problem." Sirius spat.
"He's right." James said. "It isn't. You don't want help, and I'm sick of offering it. So, can we drop this?" he asked, throwing old food in the garbage can next to the sink.
"Fine. We're late as it is." Lily said, looking at her watch.
"For?" Sirius said, coughing.
"Alice and Frank's rehearsal lunch." She said.
"Oh right." Sirius chuckled. "They'll understand if I don't—"
"You have to leave the house, Sirius. This is getting really ridiculous." James said. "Pull yourself together, mate."
"Is he always this whiny?" Sirius whispered, looking at Lily.
"Don't change the subject." Lily said.
"I don't want to go." Sirius groaned. "All they're going to do is kiss and proclaim their love for each other in front of a bunch of uncaring people. I'll get sick if I go."
"Well, I'll get sick if you don't throw out this shit. God, did Diana do all the cleaning around here?" James spat, tying up the garbage bag.
"She hated to clean." Sirius said. "I'm going back to bed." He said, and left the kitchen, throwing his cigarette on the floor.
"No, you won't." James said, calling after him.
"I'll clean, James." Lily said, taking her wand out of her belt loop. He nodded and went after his friend.
James saw him staring out the window and sitting on its ledge. He had lit another cigarette, while James stepped over mountains of them on the floor. James looked around in repulsion.
"I know. It's disgusting." Sirius sighed.
"You need to clean all of this." James said, leaning on the wall in front of him, so they were face to face.
"Don't look at me like that." Sirius said.
"Like what?"
"Pity. I hate it."
"I don't pity you. I just wish you could see what you have done to yourself." James said, taking his own cigarettes out of his shirt pocket. Sirius just stared blankly out the window, a longing look in his eyes.
"I thought I told you…….never……to speak her name in this house again." Sirius said.
"I figured you'd be over her by now. It's been a month." James said, nonchalantly.
"I am over her." He said, shrugging uncertainly.
"Bullshit."
"Well, what do you expect?" Sirius said, getting up from his place. "A month won't erase seven years of my life. A month won't wipe away all this shit. Fuck this, Prongs. I am so sick of this life we lead."
"Oh, here it comes." James said, rolling his eyes.
"What?" Sirius said, irritably.
"The avalanche of bullshit I've had to hear everyday since June." He said.
"Ugh." Sirius snorted. "Well, what about you?"
"This isn't about me."
"Sure it is. What about your 'avalanche of bullshit' I have to hear? You're the one with the guilt. I did nothing wrong. I am the aftermath of the madness that was my marriage. Look at you. You two are back to the way you were before, indifferent to each other. I see no love. Now isn't that worse? Isn't that sad, that its your fault, and both of you are dishonest and stubborn, so much that you have resorted to acting like brother and sister to be comfortable?" he said, opening his drawer loudly.
James looked at him blankly. He could see Lily walking towards them from the other end of the hall, and he did or said nothing. He watched Sirius dress, while thinking in his head whether or not he had a point. Regardless, he decided nothing could be helped then, and maybe not ever.
"Well, Padfoot….." he said, walking towards the door. "At least I had the balls to acknowledge my love for my wife. At least I had the courage to win her back, instead of pretending she is a ghost, which yours is not. She's alive somewhere. She has a family, and a job perhaps, and people who acknowledge that they love her."
"My wife has no family." He said, zipping up his trousers.
"Oh….." James chuckled. "Really? Well, you know what they say: the stairways up to Montmartre can make the wretched sigh."
"What in the hell does that mean?" Sirius said, tetchily. "Don't turn into some poetic relationship messiah. I just may murder you."
"Montmartre. It's where the dead souls go to be alive again, isn't it? The Can-Can, the Moulin Rouge……city of lights, the Opera. Never mind, old friend, you're right. She has no family……..unless you count you, and Lily….and me….."
"She doesn't want us."
"Sometimes though, you don't choose your family. Just like, I didn't choose to love her like my family, but I do, and so should you. Denial is poisoning my friend. I spent most of my life doing it. Now get dressed." He said, and slammed the door behind him.
Lily was cleaning the kitchen and picking up cigarette butts from the floor with her wand.
"Ugh, this is so gross." She said, pinching her nose.
"Let me help you." He said, grabbing a bag and holding it open for her.
"He's getting worse." She said, throwing a handful into the bag.
"I know."
"Well, at least Rebecca is a step up from the other ones."
"We don't know he didn't pay her." James said.
At this Lily slapped him on the shoulder. "Shhh."
"He didn't hear anything." He said, cocking his head towards the bedroom door.
"Don't be so blunt." She said, souring her expression.
"Because being secretive has been working like a charm lately."
"No one is being secretive. Some people just deal with things differently than others. I don't know why he couldn't just find some cute cocktail waitress. He had to resort to those—those—"
"Whores?"
"Shhhh!" Lily threw her hands in the hair. "So inhumane," she said. "Oh, why can't she just come back?" Lily said, shaking her head. "I just want everything to be back the way it was, before all this baby nonsense. She should have just had an abortion without telling him and we'd all be in a better place."
"Lily." James said, showing a squeamish expression.
"What? It's legal. Besides, she wasn't ready. Another year, maybe two. Maybe if I just knew where she was."
"Stop worrying. Now, now, love," James began, touching her shoulder. "Everything will be fine."
"You know, you say that an awful lot. But, optimism gets even the most depressed people out of tragedies, I suppose, if depressed people can be optimists."
"Hey, all I know is that there's the positive people, and then people like Sirius, and maybe even you and I."
"Cynics. Yes, I suppose." She shrugged, getting back to her cleaning. "We have to talk to Dumbledore."
"Yes. Today." James answered. "Lil?"
"Mm?"
"Do I still turn you on?"
"And that is the second worse timing of such a ridiculous question. I just might have to divorce you for asking."
~~~**~~~
"Remus…….wake up." Nicole said, nudging him with her knee as she awakened.
"Mmmm. What?" he answered with his face buried in the pillow.
"It's after noon." She said, crouching down on the floor where he was, in the tiny shack about one hundred feet from their estate. "How do you feel?"
"I don't know. Did you hit me with a two by four last night by any chance?" he said, rubbing his head and picking up his tattered clothes.
"No." she said, helping him up. ""You know, last night I was thinking……I have an idea."
"Oh yeah, and what's that?" he asked, cracking his neck and grabbing his shoulder, which was bruised slightly from the previous night.
"Well, I was thinking that…..maybe I could become an Animigus too." She said, drawing the blinds with her free hand.
"Why?"
She looked at him oddly. "So that I can be with you, stupid, during your transformations. If they're getting this bad, and even Peter stopped coming 'round, well, I think I could help you."
"Nic, it is a very dangerous process." He said. "I don't want you getting hurt."
"Well I can't stand you getting hurt all the time. Remus, this has to stop. If you are nowhere near a cure then why are we wasting our time here? I want to help, and you will not attack me."
"You don't know that. Listen, babe, I want you as far away as possible from this, alright? That's it."
"No. Remus, I hate this. I love you but I feel like I only see you fleetingly. You are either here or at work, or….I don't know but I never see you anymore. I'd be good at it. and maybe I could….keep you human for a while. And I've never seen you transformed—"
"Believe me it's nothing special." He answered, opening the door to the shack.
"Remus, I want to talk about this." She said, looking at her watch. "But we have to leave now. Let me fix you up, but then we have to leave."
"For?"
"Frank and Alice." They said together. "Fine." He said. "Hey. Smile for me."
She did, and shook her head at him. "Get inside." She said, pushing him slightly. "And no funny business."
"Yes, Madam." He said, and put his hands around her waist as she walked.
~~**~~
"I can't believe you made me go. Why do I have to go again?" Sirius asked, as his friends dragged him to the future Longbottom's rehearsal lunch.
"Shut up, you big baby." Lily said, opening the door to an inconspicuous building.
"Lily!" they heard as soon as they entered the room. Alice ran to her and they embraced. "Thank heavens! We thought you weren't going to show up—"
"This is a church." Sirius said, scrunching his face. James elbowed him lightly in the ribs.
"It's lovely." Lily said. "But—"she began, looking at her surroundings.
"I have no idea." Alice said. "Frank thought it would be best, considering……"
"I see." Lily said, looking around at the high, vaulted ceilings. She saw Nicole looking up too, with the exact expression Lily was feeling. She walked up to her.
"Hey, babe." Lily said, touching her sleeve.
"Isn't it odd?" Nicole said, looking up still. "I haven't been in one of these in years." She said. She began to touch the walls and the pews in wonder. Lily leaned against one of them, and touched the arm.
"Yeah, a bit. You tucked your wand away?" she asked, groping her belt loop to make sure it was still there.
"Mm." Nicole said, pointing at her bag.
"Good." Lily sighed. "What is this, Catholic?" she asked.
Nicole pointed to the giant crucifix above the alter. "Beautiful, isn't it?"
"It's a bit sad, to have suffering mounted on a wall like that, as if it's something to be revered."
"Oh, shut up, Lily." Nicole said, folding her arms and walking closer to it. "You know exactly why it's there. You weren't always a witch, you know."
"Oh, I know, very well in fact. For five years I went to a school adjacent to a building much like this one."
"So did I. My parents thought I was trouble, even then. Do Frank and Alice even know? Do they know what this building means to some people? They're just using it as a hideout. It's just so incredibly—"
"Sacrilegious?" Lily said, picking up a bible from the pew.
"I don't know what it is, but according to that we should be burned at the stake." Nicole said, pointing to it, while Lily began flipping the pages. "It isn't fair."
"Life's not fair, Nic. I know nothing of all of this, of God, or Christ or whoever. I thought I did, but I don't."
"You shouldn't say that." Nicole said, lowering her voice. "There is a God. There has to be."
"Why?"
"Why not? Who else would we pray to?"
"I don't pray." Lily said, tossing the bible back to its place. She caught James out of the corner of her eye, and her heart warmed with a sort of melancholy ache. Then she looked at Nicole again. "Why pray when all everyone really needs is a fucking case worker?"
"I hope that wasn't a joke." She said, and left her side irritably to join the others. "Your lack of spirituality has made you cynical." Lily shrugged and began to look at the stained glass windows that told the story of the crucifixion.
"Hypocrite." Lily whispered.
"You shouldn't say things like that." Remus said from behind. Lily turned and smiled at him.
"You don't believe in God, Remus." Lily said. "You don't know how it was drilled into us as children."
"I mean you shouldn't say them to her." He said.
"Huh? Why?" she asked.
"She's been acting strange lately. I don't know why. She's just……different. She comes up with things even I can't believe." He said, shaking his head and leaning against a marble pillar. "Dumbledore's not here." He said.
"I noticed. I'll have to see him myself then." She said. "Different how?"
"I see Sirius still looks like shit." He said, awkwardly shoving his hands into his pockets.
"Oh yea. Caught him with another conquest." Lily said.
"Really? Infidelity. It seems an escape, doesn't it?"
"A rather comforting one." Lily said. "We're the only ones, you know, who have remained faithful. Well, Nic too."
"Sirius, with all these women as an escape, pretending they're her. Diana and Malfoy, in the early stages. But that wasn't necessarily her fault. Peter and Katrina, remember them?"
"Katrina with her Muggle husband. It infuriated Peter, and he was never one to get truly jealous or angry in all his life. Very odd indeed. He wasn't even upset when she died, his grudge was so deep. It's like he half expected it."
"Katrina didn't love him, and now she's dead. Fascinating."
"And let's not forget my husband and his little conquest." Lily said, cocking a bitter head behind her. "And a Malfoy as well. They seem to be in Vogue, don't you agree."
Remus gasped. "How did you—"
"Don't look so surprised. I am very clever, indeed." Lily said, turning around to look at who else entered the church. "Speak of the devil, look who's here."
"Hello, Lily." Peter said, walking briskly towards her and giving her an awkward kiss on the cheek.
"Well, well, well, Mr. Perttigrew. You look different." She said. "Care to tell us where you've been lately?"
"Or last night?" Nicole said from behind. "We miss you Peter. Someone could have used your company recently, since no one else seems too wrapped up in their own affairs anymore."
"Don' interrogate the poor boy, Nic." Remus said. "Peter, old boy. What's going on?"
"Nothing. The usual." He said, wiping his forehead with a handkerchief.
"What would that be exactly?" Lily said. "We haven't seen you in ages."
"Heavens. Is that Sirius?"
"No, it's his brother." Nicole said, rolling her eyes at him.
"Uh—oh—" he stuttered.
"Holy Merlin." Remus began, but by the time Lily turned around Sirius uttered, but for everyone to hear, "It's about bloody time."
"Hello my friends." Dumbledore exclaimed jubilantly. "I know my visit is a few minutes late, but there was traffic in the time/space continuum."
"Minutes? Try months." Nicole said, and Lily nodded.
"Hello Professor." Frank said, coming out of the back room. He was going over some preparations when he heard the voice of the jolly old man.
"Hello Frank, and all." He said, looking around him, not getting one look of welcome, except for Remus.
"Delighted to see you sir." He said, shaking his hand.
"Hello, Lupin." He responded, the twinkle in his eye less defined than when they saw him last.
"Professor." Nicole said, uniformly. Lily and James just smiled.
The rehearsal in the small church went as ordinarily as possible. Everyone had done their assigned jobs and smiled and congratulated. Dumbledore practiced walking Alice down the aisle while Lily, as predicted, practiced simply standing next to her, oozing false support and optimism. James laughed at her attempt, while Sirius ignored it, looking at the passing seconds on his watch. Frank and Alice walked blissfully to the refreshment table, while Lily and Sirius gagged.
Dumbledore sidled behind James while he was refilling his cup of tea.
"James? A word please." He said, in an uncommonly secretive tone. James looked at him, confused, but followed him into an isolated corner of the hall.
"Is something wrong, Professor?" he asked, repeatedly dunking his tea bag.
"Has the Mistress of Magic given you your assignments for the gal coming at the end of the month?"
"Oh…….uh huh." He replied, putting his other hand on his hip.
"Now I know what you all must be thinking. I can't blame you. I even feel guilty about it all. But, trust me. A strong connection with me is not exactly safe now. We need to keep our distances."
"Well asking us to be part of a secret organization and then cutting off all communication without warning is quite a different—"
"James. Listen. You cannot seriously think that I requested you to service the event simply so you could hand out finger sandwiches?"
"To tell you the truth, Professor, me and Lily don't know what to think. Have you even tried to keep up with us lately?" he said, sounding more hurt at the thought of being abandoned than angry.
"Yes, regrettably. If only I had been there—"
"Well, you weren't." James spat. "What are we going to do? We're one short, and who knows where that girl is, Sirius is barely human, Frank is now focusing on his marriage, and me and Lily are taking it all on our shoulders. Without any help from you I might add."
"You have to realize something, James. I will not always be there to clean up the mess. Make your own decisions. You are both adults now. It is terribly sad that we have lost Miss Renton, but it is unavoidable now. There are other members besides you who have been working tremendously hard in their field. The only thing is……she as are only connection to the other side. Your wife cannot do it alone. I am afraid we are in the dark now. Who knows what is being plotted. Be careful, now. You cannot have confidence in every trusting face anymore. Do you understand?"
"So? What do you want me to do about that? I can't help it if we don't have a connection. I don't know where the girl is, and I'm not sure me looking for her is going to make her husband happy."
"Don't lie to me." He said, pointing a knowing finger at him. "We both know where she resides, for different reasons of course."
"I can't go there, Sir. Lily—"
"She can't know."
"But, Professor—"
"You must get her back here. I don't care how. She must come freely. I don't want her dragged. You know why she must return." He said, changing the glance of his eyes to Sirius.
"She's killing him. I refuse—"
"We both know you don't mean that. You shouldn't fear Lily so. It is your guilty heart that is making you a coward. Redeem yourself. Bring your family back together."
"And how am I supposed to dot that?" he said, chugging his tea, which was still hot.
"There are only four questions in life, Mr. Potter. What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for? And what is worth dying for? Do you know the answer to all these questions, James? They are all the same."
"Do not riddle me, I beg you, sir. But, no, I do not." He said.
"Love, James. Only love." Dumbledore said, and his wisdom made James' soul quiver, as he looked at Lily from afar, never seeing her so beautiful. "There are still happy times to be had, young Potter. Do not deny yourself your future because of fear, for it is fear that damages us. Courage, James. And on that night, of July 31, turn history around for us. We are not the only ones with spies, you know. Turn it around. It will start with this joyous occasion between friends, but you, and only you, decide where it ends. Good day." He said, pushing his trademark half moon glasses further upon his nose.
As Dumbledore drifted away, Lily went to James' side. "What on earth—" she began, noticing his visage, and how he took her hand. He faced her now, and took her sweet face in his hands. He kissed her forehead, appreciating her for the loyal wife she was.
He hugged her then, and glanced again at his best friend at the table a good distance away, and then whispered," Do you want to take a little trip?"
