Scene Twelve
(We now see Jenolum, climbing up a steep, rocky hill, with Lizzo Baggins shortly behind, and Kram Gamgee following. Lizzo Baggins slips slightly, but catches herself in time. The rocks below her tumble slightly and hit Kram Gamgee straight on the noggin. Kram Gamgee exclaims in pain)
Kram Gamgee: (Rubbing her head with one hand and supporting herself with the other) Dear Lord! (Angrily to Lizzo Baggins) Don't mean to be a bother, Lizzo, but I don't like being hit on the head with rocks, if you don't mind.
Lizzo Baggins: (Sarcastically) Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
(We now see Jenolum reach the end of her climb and crawl onto the top of the hill. The hilltop has many boulders strewn about, and she quickly squirms to one and peeks over. Her pale eyes widen in fear and shock, and she gestures violently to Lizzo Baggins, who is just getting over the hilltop)
Jenolum: (Whispering fearfully and pointing) Look, little hobbits! The Black Gate of Mordor!
(Both Lizzo Baggins & Kram Gamgee join Jenolum behind the boulder and peer over it. They both gasp in fear. We see the Black Gate looming a short distance away, high and forbidding even to look upon. The sky is black and orange behind he gate, the evil and horror desperately trying to reach outward towards the world. Kram Gamgee & Lizzo Baggins stare at the gate in fear, mouths open and eyes wide)
Kram Gamgee: (In a shocked tone) That's the Black Gate? I-I thought it would be different!
Lizzo Baggins: (Looking at Kram Gamgee incredulously) What did you suspect, Kram? How else were we going to get into Mordor? Did you expect a simple tollbooth outside of it with a five-dollar entrance fee?
Kram Gamgee: (Glaring at Lizzo Baggins) No! I was thinking maybe ten dollars; prices are high in these parts of Middle-earth, after all! (Gives a low whistle as she looks at the Black Gate) My Gaffer would have a thing or two to say if he knew where we were. Mostly it would be, (Imitating an old, crackety man) "What the hell do you think you're doing there? Get your butts away from there or I's gonna give ya such a beatin', you'll never-!"
Jenolum: (In a whimpering tone) Master tells us to lead them to the Black Gate, and we has done it! We didn't do anything else! We did as she had asked! She told us to lead her and her fat friend to the Black Gate!
Lizzo Baggins: (In a small, forlorn voice) I did. (Looks at Jenolum and speaks in an offhand way) You wouldn't happen to know another way around, would you?
(Before Jenolum can respond, Kram Gamgee exclaims as she sees and hears a large group of soldiers approaching the gates of Mordor. Suddenly, somebody from inside Mordor begins to shout out in the Black Speech of the land. The three companions cringe at the sound)
Kram Gamgee: (In a horrified voice) Who the hell are they? (Pointing to the soldiers going to the Black Gate)
Jenolum: (Horrified as well) Minions for the Master of Mordor! They goes in to do his work!
Lizzo Baggins: (Her face pale from hearing the speech) What is that awful language they're speaking?
Jenolum: (After swallowing) It is the Black Speech of Mordor, Master! It is poison to anyone who utters it, they say!
Kram Gamgee: (In a small voice) I wonder what they're saying?
Lizzo Baggins: (Darkly) Probably something horrible.
(We suddenly see the Gatekeeper of Mordor speaking in an intercom from behind the gate, and we see the translation on the bottom of the screen as he speaks)
Gatekeeper of Mordor: (In a demanding voice) All members of the chess club need to report to the Black Tower this afternoon to compete in the Dark Derby! Also, anyone who owns a hot-pink Chevrolet needs to move it out of the parking lot-the members of the Orc Allegiance cannot get to their tool shed!
(We go back to the hobbits and Jenolum, who are eying the gate with frightened looks upon their faces. Suddenly, there is a great creaking noise billowing from the gates)
Lizzo Baggins: (In a frightened voice) What's going on?
Jenolum: (In disbelief) The Black Gate opens!
(We go to the inside of the gates, where we see Cave Troll#1&2-one on the left and one on the right-bearing chains and ready to pull the gates open. When some of the Orcs give the signal, the cave trolls begin to pull on the chains, slowly beginning to inch the gate open. Suddenly, we hear the Gatekeeper of Mordor yell up at the scene)
Gatekeeper of Mordor: (In a simple tone) Er-guys! We got new wiring installed two weeks ago! We don't need the cave trolls! (At this, Cave Trolls#1&2 look at the Orcs around them stupidly, scratching their heads. Then, they understand the situation and look very upset)
Cave Troll#1: (In its stupid tone) No more work? No more pulling on the gates?
Cave Troll#2: (In a tone growing in anger) We are being laid off, aren't we? No more work means no more job for us!
Cave Troll#1: (Stomping up and down) Grr! Me hates lay-offs! Me hates them!
Gatekeeper of Mordor: (In an annoyed tone) Relax! Nobody's getting laid off! You two trolls are down in the lobby-you're bus boys, now.
Cave Troll#1: (Clapping its huge hands) Yeah! I've always wanted to wear one of those velvet vests!
Cave Troll#2: (Logically) I can't wait to see how gentle I am around Chinaware!
(With that, Cave Trolls#1&2 make their leave, allowing the Gatekeeper of Mordor to pull on the lever inside his box that controls the opening of the gates. And sure enough, we see the massive gate begin to inch open slowly. The soldiers approaching Mordor begin to file inside the Dark Land, listening to the announcements given by the Gatekeeper of Mordor in the Black Speech of Mordor. Kram Gamgee goes and lies flat upon a flat boulder, looking down at the hill, trying to see a way down)
Kram Gamgee: (In a simple tone) Miss Lizzo, there's a way down!
(Suddenly, the rock that Kram Gamgee is lying upon begins to totter dangerously. Lizzo Baggins looks at her friend and screams out in horror)
Lizzo Baggins: (Shouting out) KRAM, NO!
(Too late. With a frightened and surprised shriek, Kram Gamgee falls down the hill with the boulder toppling from sight. We suddenly see Soldier of Mordor#1 look towards the hill, seeing some of the rocks tumbling suddenly. With a glare of suspicion, he departs the group to go investigate, with weapon in hand and accompanied by Soldier of Mordor#2. We see Lizzo Baggins dart down the hill, sliding upon the rocks carefully. She reaches the bottom and is horrified to find Kram Gamgee buried waist-high in gravel and rock. Kram Gamgee is trying in vain to get loose)
Lizzo Baggins: (In a quiet, horrified tone) Kram!
Kram Gamgee: (Angrily, heaving and puffing as she tries to get loose) Miss Lizzo, this is the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to me! I'm going to be the laughing-stock of the Shire!
(Suddenly, both hobbits stop doing everything as they hear the two Soldiers of Mordor approaching)
Kram Gamgee: (In a quiet, angry tone) This situation just keeps getting worse and worse, doesn't it, Miss Lizzo?
(Immediately, Lizzo Baggins tries to pull Kram Gamgee out from the rocks and gravel, but it's hopeless. Lizzo Baggins knows that there's no way she's going to pull Kram Gamgee out and get themselves out of there without being seen. Probably in a last resort, Lizzo Baggins draws herself on top of Kram Gamgee and pulls her cloak over them)
Kram Gamgee: (In a sarcastic, bitter tone) Oh yeah! This'll work!
(Lizzo Baggins shushes the other angrily, going perfectly still. We see Soldiers of Mordor#1&2 approach the scene and look about curiously. They are not aware that the boulder at their feet is actually two hobbits concealed cleverly by a cloak. They look about for a while)
Soldier of Mordor#1: (Shrugging to Soldier of Mordor#2) Well, I guess it must've been my imagination. Let's get back to the group.
Soldier of Mordor#2: (Suspiciously) Hold on-why don't we check some of these boulders, just to be sure?
(We see Lizzo Baggins & Kram Gamgee gulp from under their hiding place, but we see Soldier of Mordor#1 shaking his head at the other)
Soldier of Mordor#1: (In an unconcerned tone) Nah! I'm through with looking for things! We spent almost half a month looking for Mordor-I'm not looking under any boulders. Now come on. If we hurry into Mordor, I hear they got a really cool game of BINGO going on!
Soldier of Mordor#2: (Excited) Ooh! I like BINGO!
(With that, Soldiers of Mordor#1&2 leave the scene and join the group. After a few minutes, Lizzo Baggins pulls the cloak from their concealment and the hobbits breathe in and out with relief. It is then that Lizzo Baggins is able to heave Kram Gamgee out of the gravel and stone. They dash to a nearby boulder and hide behind it, glancing at the Black Gate)
Lizzo Baggins: (In a serious tone) I do not ask for you to come with me, Kram! In fact, it might be easier if you don't come-you might accidentally fall into Mount Doom.
Kram Gamgee: (Nodding in understanding) I know, Miss Lizzo! I know! We got off luckily, that time. (With a small laugh) But I don't think that these cloaks will be enough to protect us from what's in there. (Nods towards the Black Gate)
Lizzo Baggins: (In a firm tone) All right-now's our chance, Kram! On my word, we run into Mordor, okay?
Kram Gamgee: (Getting into a running position) Ready when you are, Lizzo!
(Both hobbits contort their faces into looks of deep concentration as they prepare to dart into the Black Gate)
Lizzo Baggins: (Quietly at first) Wait for it-wait for it.(Shouts out) NOW!
(The hobbits make to dash through the gate, but Lizzo Baggins gives a gasp as she is pulled back by a screaming Jenolum. Kram Gamgee stops in her tracks and scolds at Jenolum)
Lizzo Baggins: (In a choked voice to Jenolum) Jenéagol! What the bloody-?
Jenolum: (Desperately, screaming and shrieking) No, Master! No! Don't go in there!
Kram Gamgee: (Angrily) Well, what'd you think we wanted to go the Black Gate for, Jenolum; to ogle and stare at it, maybe take a pretty picture?
Jenolum: (Desperately) But, master, they catch you! They catch you! Please, don't go in there!
(Kram Gamgee looks very angry at the moment, straightening the straps on her back in frustration, but Lizzo Baggins is staring at Jenolum intently, ready to listen to anything the creature has to say)
Jenolum: (Sounding very frightened, occasionally glancing at the Black Gate) He wants the precious! Always-he is looking for it! You could say he has a strange, creepy hold to it! And the precious, wants to get back to him. (Glares at the prospect) But we must not let him have it! He mustn't get our precious! He mustn't! (Looking at Lizzo Baggins with a silent plea in her eyes) They wouldn't give it to him, would they?
Lizzo Baggins: (Reassuringly) Of course not, Jenéagol! But I'm afraid I've no choice. (Looks at the Black Gate, which is slowly closing) Kram and I must go into Mordor and-and deal with the Movie there.
(Kram Gamgee gives Lizzo Baggins a bemused stare, but the other merely gives her a warning glance. So far, Lizzo Baggins does not want to tell Jenolum her true intentions for the Movie. Jenolum is hissing to herself in concentration)
Jenolum: (Brightly) There is another way, master! Another way into Mordor other than the Black Gate!
Kram Gamgee: (Angrily grabbing Jenolum by the front of her tattered shirt) Why didn't you tell us about all this before? Why didn't you say this before we crossed the swamp? Why didn't you tell us this before we came to the Black Gate?
Jenolum: (In a simple tone) They didn't ask us!
Kram Gamgee: (Angrily) Ask you? ASK YOU? I'll ask you something-!
(Kram Gamgee makes to start strangling the creature, but is held back by intent Lizzo Baggins)
Lizzo Baggins: (To Jenolum) There is another way to Mordor, Jenéagol?
Jenolum: (Nodding and shaking off the grip of Kram Gamgee) A longer, less dangerous route-which doesn't use a gate! First there is a forest, and then there are some stairs-then there's a tunnel.
(Jenolum begins to grasp at Lizzo Baggins' shirtfront, almost desperately trying to seek some guidance. Lizzo Baggins is looking at Kram Gamgee, who looks rather suspicious)
Lizzo Baggins: (In a low voice) Kram, we've got no other choice! Perhaps Jenéagol can-
Kram Gamgee: (In a hard tone) Miss Lizzo, I know what you're saying, and I think it's a bad idea! She's followed up her end of the bargain already! We'll just wait for the Black Gate to open again.
Lizzo Baggins: (In a frustrated tone as she looks at the Black Gate) That could take days, Kram! We don't have that much time! We just need- (Suddenly notices that Jenolum is grasping her shirt repeatedly. She scowls and gives a shout of anger as she pushes Jenolum away) Get off of me!
Jenolum: (In a quiet tone) Sorry.
Lizzo Baggins: (To Jenolum) Are you sure of the route you speak of, Jenéagol? Can you swear by it?
Jenolum: (Nodding slowly and hissing) Yes, master! Yes! Whatever they do, do not let them go through the Black Gate! They shall never come out alive!
Kram Gamgee: (Grasping Lizzo Baggins' shoulder firmly and looking very distrusting) Miss Lizzo, no! Don't trust her. Lizzo Baggins: (After a moment of thinking carefully) She's led us this far, Kram! We've no choice but to trust her.
Kram Gamgee: (In a heated whisper) Have you forgotten that this is the same creature who tried to murder us in our sleep? Have you no idea that this is the one creature who actually wants what you are trying to-(Looks over to be sure that Jenolum is distracted and finishes with a whisper) destroy?
(At that moment, the Black Gate closes with an ominous thud, spreading an echo to be heard throughout the land. The three companions stare at the gate for a long time, trying to comprehend the situation at hand. Apparently, it is more difficult than many perceived)
Lizzo Baggins: (With a grim smile upon her face) Well, there's no real hope of getting in this way, either. (Looks at Jenolum) Okay, Jenéagol, go ahead and lead us through another way.
(Obviously in better spirits, Jenolum darts away from the hill and away from the Black Gate. Lizzo Baggins begins to follow, and Kram Gamgee is mumbling rather angrily. Then we go to a change in scenes and see Jessie Brandybuck wake up on the ground of the Fangorn Forest, where Big Nuts placed them last. The hobbit looks about curiously, taking in everything- or trying to remember everything that had happened previously. Rippin Took is sitting by a pool nearby, sipping from a huge bowl of water in a lazy manner-apparently, she doesn't seem to care where they are at the moment. Jessie Brandybuck still looks about the area)
Jessie Brandybuck: (In a loud voice) Big Nuts? Big Nuts? Are you there, Big Nuts? (In a quiet voice to herself) Now, where's he gone?
Rippin Took: (In a delighted tone) I had the loveliest dream last night! You and I found this big barrel of Old Toby, and we smoked the whole thing! But-then you got really sick, and then we realized that it was actually pencil shavings. Then, you started going into painful convulsions and thought everything around you turned into a mushroom. Then, you turned into a duck-and I ate you. It was a nice dream!
(Jessie Brandybuck stares at Rippin Took with wide eyes. Rippin Took leans back with a content sigh)
Rippin Took: (In a worry-free tone) What I wouldn't give for a whiff of Old Toby, right now.
Jessie Brandybuck: (With a small laugh) Rippin, from what I've just recently heard, I think the last thing you need is a whiff of Old Toby. (Still looking about the forest) Now-where's Big Nuts gone-?
(Jessie Brandybuck stops speaking as she hears a strange, nearby grinding and groaning. She looks about in a worried fashion-certainly not used to this. Rippin Took stands up slowly, meaning to go to the base of a tree to relax)
Jessie Brandybuck: (In a quiet tone) Now-what in the name of Bill Gates was that? (After listening for a while) The trees-it's the trees talking.
(We see Rippin Took suddenly grunt something that sounds strangely like the tree-language. Jessie Brandybuck stares at her friend)
Rippin Took: (Punching herself lightly in the chest) Sorry-something in the water, you know.
Jessie Brandybuck: (Carelessly) Oh.(Suddenly realizes something and stares at Rippin Took with wide eyes) Hey! Wait a moment!
Rippin Took: (Raising an eyebrow at Jessie Brandybuck) What?
Jessie Brandybuck: (In a quiet, disbelieving tone) You just said something.treeish!
Rippin Took: (Indignantly) No I didn't!
(Rippin Took suddenly puffs up and grunts something in the tree language again; she looks about curiously, but merely goes back to sipping the water again. Then, Jessie Brandybuck notices something about Rippin Took that makes her eyes widen)
Jessie Brandybuck: (In a shocked tone) You're taller!
Rippin Took: (With a scowl) What?
Jessie Brandybuck: (Still in the shocked voice) Rippin, you're taller than me; by about a fair inch, I'd say!
Rippin Took: (Judging the height of them both with her hand) Oh.you're right! Wow! (Looking down at the ground with pride) I haven't been this tall since I wore my dad's high heels to the school play!
Jessie Brandybuck: (With wide eyes) Your dad's high heels?
Rippin Took: (With a shrug) He collects them-keeps them locked up-and wears them on special occasions. (Walking about the area as if a giant would) Fee-fi-foe-fum! All the small creatures below me fear Rippin, the extremely tall hobbit!
Jessie Brandybuck: (Crossing her arms and rolling her eyes) Rippin, it's only by a fair inch!
Rippin Took: (In an excited tone) Yes, currently! But if I keep this pace going, I'll be pushing three foot seven! (Grunts in treeish again) Then again, three foot eight! This is so cool! I knew that coming on this trip was worth something!
Jessie Brandybuck: (In a bemused whisper) But how? How is it possible-? (Suddenly sees the water that Rippin Took is drinking) That's it!
Rippin Took: (Bemused) What's it?
Jessie Brandybuck: (Her face working into a smile) The water! It's in the water, isn't it?
Rippin Took: (Looking shifty-eyed) Er-I don't know.but maybe you shouldn't drink any; just in case.
(Jessie Brandybuck snatches the water away from Rippin Took in one movement, and begins to quaff the drink as if she hasn't had anything to drink for days. Rippin Took looks very down-trodden)
Rippin Took: (Reaching for the water) No! Jessie, knock it off!
(But Jessie Brandybuck simply dashes away, pursued by an irritable Rippin Took. The hobbits begin to squabble over the water)
Rippin Took: (Trying to wrench the bowl from her friend's grasp) No! Big Nuts said you shouldn't have any!
Jessie Brandybuck: (Angrily trying to pull the bowl back) Liar! You had some!
Rippin Took: (Desperately trying to pull the water back) Jessie, don't! Give it back-so I can drink some!
Jessie Brandybuck: (Angrily) Get your own!
Rippin Took: (Irritably) I did have my own, but you stole it!
Jessie Brandybuck: (Angrily) Go to hell!
Rippin Took: (Angrily) Bite me!
(The hobbits squabble over the water for a fair few minute, before Rippin Took pulls on the bowl so violently that it flies from her grasp and shatters upon the forest floor. The hobbits stare at the remnants of the precious water, slowly sinking into the soil)
Jessie Brandybuck: (Shoving at Rippin Took) Nice going, nimrod! You lost the water!
Rippin Took: (Angrily shoving back) Me? If you hadn't been such a sod and took my water-!
Jessie Brandybuck: (Angrily smacking her friend on the shoulder) Don't shove me!
Rippin Took: (Smacking her friend over the head) Don't hit me!
(With a great shout, both hobbits are engaged in a horrible fight. They roll on the ground, smacking and sometimes punching one another. Then, they roll at the base of a huge willow and stop fighting as they hear something-the grinding and groaning closer than before. Slowly, both the hobbits crawl away from one another, still wondering where the sound is coming from. Then, both hobbits scream as the roots of the willow squirm over them, trying to pin them down with its weight. Frantically, the hobbits try to get away, but the tree's weight is staggering, bringing them down. Finally, the tree's roots have covered them completely, causing both the hobbits to scream muffled cries of help to anybody who will listen. Then, we see Big Nuts enter the scene, speaking to the willow)
Big Nuts: (In a reassuring voice) Away with you, willow-you are not meant to awaken now. Drink up the water and grow mighty tall-don't start killing people just yet.
(And with that, the willow lets loose its roots and Rippin Took & Jessie Brandybuck scramble away from the tree, panting and breathing in and out with horrible fear)
Rippin Took: (Grasping onto Big Nuts' huge leg in fear) That tree tried to eat us!
Jessie Brandybuck: (Also grabbing onto one of Big Nuts' legs) What kind of a forest is this?
Big Nuts: (In a serious tone as he picks up both hobbits and places them on his limbs) A cautious one, little hobbits. They do not take kindly to strangers-as I have told you before. Perhaps next time, you will be more cautious, eh?
(And with that, Big Nuts disappears into the forest, both of the hobbits grabbing on and eager not to go back)
(We now see Jenolum, climbing up a steep, rocky hill, with Lizzo Baggins shortly behind, and Kram Gamgee following. Lizzo Baggins slips slightly, but catches herself in time. The rocks below her tumble slightly and hit Kram Gamgee straight on the noggin. Kram Gamgee exclaims in pain)
Kram Gamgee: (Rubbing her head with one hand and supporting herself with the other) Dear Lord! (Angrily to Lizzo Baggins) Don't mean to be a bother, Lizzo, but I don't like being hit on the head with rocks, if you don't mind.
Lizzo Baggins: (Sarcastically) Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
(We now see Jenolum reach the end of her climb and crawl onto the top of the hill. The hilltop has many boulders strewn about, and she quickly squirms to one and peeks over. Her pale eyes widen in fear and shock, and she gestures violently to Lizzo Baggins, who is just getting over the hilltop)
Jenolum: (Whispering fearfully and pointing) Look, little hobbits! The Black Gate of Mordor!
(Both Lizzo Baggins & Kram Gamgee join Jenolum behind the boulder and peer over it. They both gasp in fear. We see the Black Gate looming a short distance away, high and forbidding even to look upon. The sky is black and orange behind he gate, the evil and horror desperately trying to reach outward towards the world. Kram Gamgee & Lizzo Baggins stare at the gate in fear, mouths open and eyes wide)
Kram Gamgee: (In a shocked tone) That's the Black Gate? I-I thought it would be different!
Lizzo Baggins: (Looking at Kram Gamgee incredulously) What did you suspect, Kram? How else were we going to get into Mordor? Did you expect a simple tollbooth outside of it with a five-dollar entrance fee?
Kram Gamgee: (Glaring at Lizzo Baggins) No! I was thinking maybe ten dollars; prices are high in these parts of Middle-earth, after all! (Gives a low whistle as she looks at the Black Gate) My Gaffer would have a thing or two to say if he knew where we were. Mostly it would be, (Imitating an old, crackety man) "What the hell do you think you're doing there? Get your butts away from there or I's gonna give ya such a beatin', you'll never-!"
Jenolum: (In a whimpering tone) Master tells us to lead them to the Black Gate, and we has done it! We didn't do anything else! We did as she had asked! She told us to lead her and her fat friend to the Black Gate!
Lizzo Baggins: (In a small, forlorn voice) I did. (Looks at Jenolum and speaks in an offhand way) You wouldn't happen to know another way around, would you?
(Before Jenolum can respond, Kram Gamgee exclaims as she sees and hears a large group of soldiers approaching the gates of Mordor. Suddenly, somebody from inside Mordor begins to shout out in the Black Speech of the land. The three companions cringe at the sound)
Kram Gamgee: (In a horrified voice) Who the hell are they? (Pointing to the soldiers going to the Black Gate)
Jenolum: (Horrified as well) Minions for the Master of Mordor! They goes in to do his work!
Lizzo Baggins: (Her face pale from hearing the speech) What is that awful language they're speaking?
Jenolum: (After swallowing) It is the Black Speech of Mordor, Master! It is poison to anyone who utters it, they say!
Kram Gamgee: (In a small voice) I wonder what they're saying?
Lizzo Baggins: (Darkly) Probably something horrible.
(We suddenly see the Gatekeeper of Mordor speaking in an intercom from behind the gate, and we see the translation on the bottom of the screen as he speaks)
Gatekeeper of Mordor: (In a demanding voice) All members of the chess club need to report to the Black Tower this afternoon to compete in the Dark Derby! Also, anyone who owns a hot-pink Chevrolet needs to move it out of the parking lot-the members of the Orc Allegiance cannot get to their tool shed!
(We go back to the hobbits and Jenolum, who are eying the gate with frightened looks upon their faces. Suddenly, there is a great creaking noise billowing from the gates)
Lizzo Baggins: (In a frightened voice) What's going on?
Jenolum: (In disbelief) The Black Gate opens!
(We go to the inside of the gates, where we see Cave Troll#1&2-one on the left and one on the right-bearing chains and ready to pull the gates open. When some of the Orcs give the signal, the cave trolls begin to pull on the chains, slowly beginning to inch the gate open. Suddenly, we hear the Gatekeeper of Mordor yell up at the scene)
Gatekeeper of Mordor: (In a simple tone) Er-guys! We got new wiring installed two weeks ago! We don't need the cave trolls! (At this, Cave Trolls#1&2 look at the Orcs around them stupidly, scratching their heads. Then, they understand the situation and look very upset)
Cave Troll#1: (In its stupid tone) No more work? No more pulling on the gates?
Cave Troll#2: (In a tone growing in anger) We are being laid off, aren't we? No more work means no more job for us!
Cave Troll#1: (Stomping up and down) Grr! Me hates lay-offs! Me hates them!
Gatekeeper of Mordor: (In an annoyed tone) Relax! Nobody's getting laid off! You two trolls are down in the lobby-you're bus boys, now.
Cave Troll#1: (Clapping its huge hands) Yeah! I've always wanted to wear one of those velvet vests!
Cave Troll#2: (Logically) I can't wait to see how gentle I am around Chinaware!
(With that, Cave Trolls#1&2 make their leave, allowing the Gatekeeper of Mordor to pull on the lever inside his box that controls the opening of the gates. And sure enough, we see the massive gate begin to inch open slowly. The soldiers approaching Mordor begin to file inside the Dark Land, listening to the announcements given by the Gatekeeper of Mordor in the Black Speech of Mordor. Kram Gamgee goes and lies flat upon a flat boulder, looking down at the hill, trying to see a way down)
Kram Gamgee: (In a simple tone) Miss Lizzo, there's a way down!
(Suddenly, the rock that Kram Gamgee is lying upon begins to totter dangerously. Lizzo Baggins looks at her friend and screams out in horror)
Lizzo Baggins: (Shouting out) KRAM, NO!
(Too late. With a frightened and surprised shriek, Kram Gamgee falls down the hill with the boulder toppling from sight. We suddenly see Soldier of Mordor#1 look towards the hill, seeing some of the rocks tumbling suddenly. With a glare of suspicion, he departs the group to go investigate, with weapon in hand and accompanied by Soldier of Mordor#2. We see Lizzo Baggins dart down the hill, sliding upon the rocks carefully. She reaches the bottom and is horrified to find Kram Gamgee buried waist-high in gravel and rock. Kram Gamgee is trying in vain to get loose)
Lizzo Baggins: (In a quiet, horrified tone) Kram!
Kram Gamgee: (Angrily, heaving and puffing as she tries to get loose) Miss Lizzo, this is the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to me! I'm going to be the laughing-stock of the Shire!
(Suddenly, both hobbits stop doing everything as they hear the two Soldiers of Mordor approaching)
Kram Gamgee: (In a quiet, angry tone) This situation just keeps getting worse and worse, doesn't it, Miss Lizzo?
(Immediately, Lizzo Baggins tries to pull Kram Gamgee out from the rocks and gravel, but it's hopeless. Lizzo Baggins knows that there's no way she's going to pull Kram Gamgee out and get themselves out of there without being seen. Probably in a last resort, Lizzo Baggins draws herself on top of Kram Gamgee and pulls her cloak over them)
Kram Gamgee: (In a sarcastic, bitter tone) Oh yeah! This'll work!
(Lizzo Baggins shushes the other angrily, going perfectly still. We see Soldiers of Mordor#1&2 approach the scene and look about curiously. They are not aware that the boulder at their feet is actually two hobbits concealed cleverly by a cloak. They look about for a while)
Soldier of Mordor#1: (Shrugging to Soldier of Mordor#2) Well, I guess it must've been my imagination. Let's get back to the group.
Soldier of Mordor#2: (Suspiciously) Hold on-why don't we check some of these boulders, just to be sure?
(We see Lizzo Baggins & Kram Gamgee gulp from under their hiding place, but we see Soldier of Mordor#1 shaking his head at the other)
Soldier of Mordor#1: (In an unconcerned tone) Nah! I'm through with looking for things! We spent almost half a month looking for Mordor-I'm not looking under any boulders. Now come on. If we hurry into Mordor, I hear they got a really cool game of BINGO going on!
Soldier of Mordor#2: (Excited) Ooh! I like BINGO!
(With that, Soldiers of Mordor#1&2 leave the scene and join the group. After a few minutes, Lizzo Baggins pulls the cloak from their concealment and the hobbits breathe in and out with relief. It is then that Lizzo Baggins is able to heave Kram Gamgee out of the gravel and stone. They dash to a nearby boulder and hide behind it, glancing at the Black Gate)
Lizzo Baggins: (In a serious tone) I do not ask for you to come with me, Kram! In fact, it might be easier if you don't come-you might accidentally fall into Mount Doom.
Kram Gamgee: (Nodding in understanding) I know, Miss Lizzo! I know! We got off luckily, that time. (With a small laugh) But I don't think that these cloaks will be enough to protect us from what's in there. (Nods towards the Black Gate)
Lizzo Baggins: (In a firm tone) All right-now's our chance, Kram! On my word, we run into Mordor, okay?
Kram Gamgee: (Getting into a running position) Ready when you are, Lizzo!
(Both hobbits contort their faces into looks of deep concentration as they prepare to dart into the Black Gate)
Lizzo Baggins: (Quietly at first) Wait for it-wait for it.(Shouts out) NOW!
(The hobbits make to dash through the gate, but Lizzo Baggins gives a gasp as she is pulled back by a screaming Jenolum. Kram Gamgee stops in her tracks and scolds at Jenolum)
Lizzo Baggins: (In a choked voice to Jenolum) Jenéagol! What the bloody-?
Jenolum: (Desperately, screaming and shrieking) No, Master! No! Don't go in there!
Kram Gamgee: (Angrily) Well, what'd you think we wanted to go the Black Gate for, Jenolum; to ogle and stare at it, maybe take a pretty picture?
Jenolum: (Desperately) But, master, they catch you! They catch you! Please, don't go in there!
(Kram Gamgee looks very angry at the moment, straightening the straps on her back in frustration, but Lizzo Baggins is staring at Jenolum intently, ready to listen to anything the creature has to say)
Jenolum: (Sounding very frightened, occasionally glancing at the Black Gate) He wants the precious! Always-he is looking for it! You could say he has a strange, creepy hold to it! And the precious, wants to get back to him. (Glares at the prospect) But we must not let him have it! He mustn't get our precious! He mustn't! (Looking at Lizzo Baggins with a silent plea in her eyes) They wouldn't give it to him, would they?
Lizzo Baggins: (Reassuringly) Of course not, Jenéagol! But I'm afraid I've no choice. (Looks at the Black Gate, which is slowly closing) Kram and I must go into Mordor and-and deal with the Movie there.
(Kram Gamgee gives Lizzo Baggins a bemused stare, but the other merely gives her a warning glance. So far, Lizzo Baggins does not want to tell Jenolum her true intentions for the Movie. Jenolum is hissing to herself in concentration)
Jenolum: (Brightly) There is another way, master! Another way into Mordor other than the Black Gate!
Kram Gamgee: (Angrily grabbing Jenolum by the front of her tattered shirt) Why didn't you tell us about all this before? Why didn't you say this before we crossed the swamp? Why didn't you tell us this before we came to the Black Gate?
Jenolum: (In a simple tone) They didn't ask us!
Kram Gamgee: (Angrily) Ask you? ASK YOU? I'll ask you something-!
(Kram Gamgee makes to start strangling the creature, but is held back by intent Lizzo Baggins)
Lizzo Baggins: (To Jenolum) There is another way to Mordor, Jenéagol?
Jenolum: (Nodding and shaking off the grip of Kram Gamgee) A longer, less dangerous route-which doesn't use a gate! First there is a forest, and then there are some stairs-then there's a tunnel.
(Jenolum begins to grasp at Lizzo Baggins' shirtfront, almost desperately trying to seek some guidance. Lizzo Baggins is looking at Kram Gamgee, who looks rather suspicious)
Lizzo Baggins: (In a low voice) Kram, we've got no other choice! Perhaps Jenéagol can-
Kram Gamgee: (In a hard tone) Miss Lizzo, I know what you're saying, and I think it's a bad idea! She's followed up her end of the bargain already! We'll just wait for the Black Gate to open again.
Lizzo Baggins: (In a frustrated tone as she looks at the Black Gate) That could take days, Kram! We don't have that much time! We just need- (Suddenly notices that Jenolum is grasping her shirt repeatedly. She scowls and gives a shout of anger as she pushes Jenolum away) Get off of me!
Jenolum: (In a quiet tone) Sorry.
Lizzo Baggins: (To Jenolum) Are you sure of the route you speak of, Jenéagol? Can you swear by it?
Jenolum: (Nodding slowly and hissing) Yes, master! Yes! Whatever they do, do not let them go through the Black Gate! They shall never come out alive!
Kram Gamgee: (Grasping Lizzo Baggins' shoulder firmly and looking very distrusting) Miss Lizzo, no! Don't trust her. Lizzo Baggins: (After a moment of thinking carefully) She's led us this far, Kram! We've no choice but to trust her.
Kram Gamgee: (In a heated whisper) Have you forgotten that this is the same creature who tried to murder us in our sleep? Have you no idea that this is the one creature who actually wants what you are trying to-(Looks over to be sure that Jenolum is distracted and finishes with a whisper) destroy?
(At that moment, the Black Gate closes with an ominous thud, spreading an echo to be heard throughout the land. The three companions stare at the gate for a long time, trying to comprehend the situation at hand. Apparently, it is more difficult than many perceived)
Lizzo Baggins: (With a grim smile upon her face) Well, there's no real hope of getting in this way, either. (Looks at Jenolum) Okay, Jenéagol, go ahead and lead us through another way.
(Obviously in better spirits, Jenolum darts away from the hill and away from the Black Gate. Lizzo Baggins begins to follow, and Kram Gamgee is mumbling rather angrily. Then we go to a change in scenes and see Jessie Brandybuck wake up on the ground of the Fangorn Forest, where Big Nuts placed them last. The hobbit looks about curiously, taking in everything- or trying to remember everything that had happened previously. Rippin Took is sitting by a pool nearby, sipping from a huge bowl of water in a lazy manner-apparently, she doesn't seem to care where they are at the moment. Jessie Brandybuck still looks about the area)
Jessie Brandybuck: (In a loud voice) Big Nuts? Big Nuts? Are you there, Big Nuts? (In a quiet voice to herself) Now, where's he gone?
Rippin Took: (In a delighted tone) I had the loveliest dream last night! You and I found this big barrel of Old Toby, and we smoked the whole thing! But-then you got really sick, and then we realized that it was actually pencil shavings. Then, you started going into painful convulsions and thought everything around you turned into a mushroom. Then, you turned into a duck-and I ate you. It was a nice dream!
(Jessie Brandybuck stares at Rippin Took with wide eyes. Rippin Took leans back with a content sigh)
Rippin Took: (In a worry-free tone) What I wouldn't give for a whiff of Old Toby, right now.
Jessie Brandybuck: (With a small laugh) Rippin, from what I've just recently heard, I think the last thing you need is a whiff of Old Toby. (Still looking about the forest) Now-where's Big Nuts gone-?
(Jessie Brandybuck stops speaking as she hears a strange, nearby grinding and groaning. She looks about in a worried fashion-certainly not used to this. Rippin Took stands up slowly, meaning to go to the base of a tree to relax)
Jessie Brandybuck: (In a quiet tone) Now-what in the name of Bill Gates was that? (After listening for a while) The trees-it's the trees talking.
(We see Rippin Took suddenly grunt something that sounds strangely like the tree-language. Jessie Brandybuck stares at her friend)
Rippin Took: (Punching herself lightly in the chest) Sorry-something in the water, you know.
Jessie Brandybuck: (Carelessly) Oh.(Suddenly realizes something and stares at Rippin Took with wide eyes) Hey! Wait a moment!
Rippin Took: (Raising an eyebrow at Jessie Brandybuck) What?
Jessie Brandybuck: (In a quiet, disbelieving tone) You just said something.treeish!
Rippin Took: (Indignantly) No I didn't!
(Rippin Took suddenly puffs up and grunts something in the tree language again; she looks about curiously, but merely goes back to sipping the water again. Then, Jessie Brandybuck notices something about Rippin Took that makes her eyes widen)
Jessie Brandybuck: (In a shocked tone) You're taller!
Rippin Took: (With a scowl) What?
Jessie Brandybuck: (Still in the shocked voice) Rippin, you're taller than me; by about a fair inch, I'd say!
Rippin Took: (Judging the height of them both with her hand) Oh.you're right! Wow! (Looking down at the ground with pride) I haven't been this tall since I wore my dad's high heels to the school play!
Jessie Brandybuck: (With wide eyes) Your dad's high heels?
Rippin Took: (With a shrug) He collects them-keeps them locked up-and wears them on special occasions. (Walking about the area as if a giant would) Fee-fi-foe-fum! All the small creatures below me fear Rippin, the extremely tall hobbit!
Jessie Brandybuck: (Crossing her arms and rolling her eyes) Rippin, it's only by a fair inch!
Rippin Took: (In an excited tone) Yes, currently! But if I keep this pace going, I'll be pushing three foot seven! (Grunts in treeish again) Then again, three foot eight! This is so cool! I knew that coming on this trip was worth something!
Jessie Brandybuck: (In a bemused whisper) But how? How is it possible-? (Suddenly sees the water that Rippin Took is drinking) That's it!
Rippin Took: (Bemused) What's it?
Jessie Brandybuck: (Her face working into a smile) The water! It's in the water, isn't it?
Rippin Took: (Looking shifty-eyed) Er-I don't know.but maybe you shouldn't drink any; just in case.
(Jessie Brandybuck snatches the water away from Rippin Took in one movement, and begins to quaff the drink as if she hasn't had anything to drink for days. Rippin Took looks very down-trodden)
Rippin Took: (Reaching for the water) No! Jessie, knock it off!
(But Jessie Brandybuck simply dashes away, pursued by an irritable Rippin Took. The hobbits begin to squabble over the water)
Rippin Took: (Trying to wrench the bowl from her friend's grasp) No! Big Nuts said you shouldn't have any!
Jessie Brandybuck: (Angrily trying to pull the bowl back) Liar! You had some!
Rippin Took: (Desperately trying to pull the water back) Jessie, don't! Give it back-so I can drink some!
Jessie Brandybuck: (Angrily) Get your own!
Rippin Took: (Irritably) I did have my own, but you stole it!
Jessie Brandybuck: (Angrily) Go to hell!
Rippin Took: (Angrily) Bite me!
(The hobbits squabble over the water for a fair few minute, before Rippin Took pulls on the bowl so violently that it flies from her grasp and shatters upon the forest floor. The hobbits stare at the remnants of the precious water, slowly sinking into the soil)
Jessie Brandybuck: (Shoving at Rippin Took) Nice going, nimrod! You lost the water!
Rippin Took: (Angrily shoving back) Me? If you hadn't been such a sod and took my water-!
Jessie Brandybuck: (Angrily smacking her friend on the shoulder) Don't shove me!
Rippin Took: (Smacking her friend over the head) Don't hit me!
(With a great shout, both hobbits are engaged in a horrible fight. They roll on the ground, smacking and sometimes punching one another. Then, they roll at the base of a huge willow and stop fighting as they hear something-the grinding and groaning closer than before. Slowly, both the hobbits crawl away from one another, still wondering where the sound is coming from. Then, both hobbits scream as the roots of the willow squirm over them, trying to pin them down with its weight. Frantically, the hobbits try to get away, but the tree's weight is staggering, bringing them down. Finally, the tree's roots have covered them completely, causing both the hobbits to scream muffled cries of help to anybody who will listen. Then, we see Big Nuts enter the scene, speaking to the willow)
Big Nuts: (In a reassuring voice) Away with you, willow-you are not meant to awaken now. Drink up the water and grow mighty tall-don't start killing people just yet.
(And with that, the willow lets loose its roots and Rippin Took & Jessie Brandybuck scramble away from the tree, panting and breathing in and out with horrible fear)
Rippin Took: (Grasping onto Big Nuts' huge leg in fear) That tree tried to eat us!
Jessie Brandybuck: (Also grabbing onto one of Big Nuts' legs) What kind of a forest is this?
Big Nuts: (In a serious tone as he picks up both hobbits and places them on his limbs) A cautious one, little hobbits. They do not take kindly to strangers-as I have told you before. Perhaps next time, you will be more cautious, eh?
(And with that, Big Nuts disappears into the forest, both of the hobbits grabbing on and eager not to go back)
