Scene Thirteen
(We go back to see Megolas, Brimli, & Jimagorn riding behind Kendalf and his steed towards Edoras. They stop at the top of a hill overlooking the great city in the distance. For a while, the four companions stare at the city. Kendalf is wearing gray robes. Then, Kendalf speaks in a solemn tone)
Kendalf: There is Edoras, home of Kevoden, King of the Golden Hall.
(We see the horribly aged King Kevoden sitting on his throne in the Golden Hall, Erynwyn at his feet and stroking his hand)
Voice of Kendalf: .whose mind is not his own, during these times.
Erynwyn: (In a very sad tone) My Lord, your son.he is dead. (She looks into her uncle's face, trying to decipher any emotion from him) My Lord, will you not go to him?
(King Kevoden appears to not have heard, even though he is staring right in Erynwyn's face. Erynwyn looks very desperate for reprieve of the situation)
Erynwyn: (In a desperate voice) My Lord? Do you not recognize me? Oh, come on, uncle! It's me, Erynwyn; your niece-sister of the whiny one? My Lord-?
(Erynwyn stops speaking as she sees King Kevoden look upon her. But it is not the usual look of age and confusion-it is a small look of sudden recognition. Erynwyn smiles in joy at this new look)
Erynwyn: (In an encouraging tone) Yes, uncle! You know my name! Speak my name and let my troubles rest for but a moment!
(King Kevoden looks at Erynwyn for a very long time, then flashes a small smile, and then-)
King Kevoden: (In a sickening groan) ERRRRGGGGGGHHHHHAAAAAA!
Erynwyn: (Releasing her uncle's hand and standing up in anger) Oh, damn it!
(Now we see Erynwyn kneeling to the bedside of the dead Jaredred. Erynwyn is in tears, not even bothering to wipe the them from her face, allowing all her emotion to pour out of her in this moment of sorrow-not just for her cousin's death, either. Then, from out of the corner of the entranceway, we see a familiar figure lurk-it is Nrima Wormfeces. Obviously surprised at the maiden's appearance, he masks it over with a façade of grief, slowly walking towards Erynwyn's side as he speaks)
Nrima Wormfeces: (In a forced grieving tone) Oh-he must have died some time in the night. (In a quick tone) Uh-he is dead, right? Erynwyn: (After sniffling, she replies rather coldly) Yes.
(Nrima Wormfeces lets out a quiet sigh of relief, and we see him shove a small bottle clearly marked, "Deadly Poison!" further into his black robes. Placing his saddened look upon his pointed face, he leers nearer to the side of Erynwyn)
Nrima Wormfeces: (In a very icy tone) What a heart break it must be to the king, to loose his only son and heir. (Sitting upon the bed at the deceased's feet and looking delicately at Erynwyn) I understand that his passing is hard to accept. What with your uncle in a very-er-ill state, (Shudders at the revulsion of it all) and with your brother just deserting you.you must feel awful. (Puts a comforting hand upon the maiden's shoulder) You want my card for my therapist?
(Although Nrima Wormfeces is trying his best to be comforting, Erynwyn sees past it immediately. She flinches at the other's touch as if she were being touched with ice, and draws away from him)
Erynwyn: (Standing up and choking on her tears) Leave me alone, snake!
Nrima Wormfeces: (With a menacing smile upon his face) But you are alone. You've been alone for the past few days, Erynwyn.
(Nrima Wormfeces gets up and begins to pace around Erynwyn. Erynwyn does nothing to stop him, but she looks revolted)
Nrima Wormfeces: (In the same menacing tone) Who knows what you cry out in the darkness when your life seems to shrink. Who knows whom you would turn to for council during your dark hours of your small life. (Looks at Erynwyn and stops pacing) So beautiful, yet so cold.(Touches her face and a small smile flicks across his face) like a flower blooming in early spring, still clinging to winter's chill.
(Erynwyn closes her eyes against the other's touch, trying to calm herself, but letting the tears fall. Nrima Wormfeces is staring at her, as if expecting recognition. Finally, Erynwyn realizes that something is awry; she snaps her eyes open and glares at the other)
Erynwyn: (Angrily) Your words-are poison!
(And with that, Erynwyn runs from the room, leaving Nrima Wormfeces standing alone. He swells up in dignity and draws his black robes tighter about his frame)
Nrima Wormfeces: (In a dignified voice, speaking towards the doorframe) I'll have you know that the Poet's Council of Rohan believed my poetry to be quite nice, you little brat! If I had sent in the nine hundred dollar deposit, I would've gotten some of my work published; I'll have you know!
(We see Erynwyn run from the Golden Hall, ignoring the two guards posted at the entrance. Erynwyn goes to the edge and looks into the distance, the wind billowing. She cries no more tears-she is desperately lost at the moment, perhaps finding solace in the fact that her brother may come back. Then, she sees four figures riding towards the town: Kendalf, Megolas, Brimli, & Jimagorn. Erynwyn watches them for a moment, perturbed by this strange predicament. Then, we see the flag of Edoras fly from its pole with a rip. Erynwyn watches it go, as if watching her hopes flying away from her-what has become of her home? We follow the flag's flight towards the other side of the Main Gate leading into Edoras. It falls to the ground, and Jimagorn sees it. His face pulls into a look of dismay, and he makes a cross pattern across his chest, tears of pride building in his eyes)
Jimagorn: (Softly singing in the tune of the Canadian National Anthem, as he holds back the tears) Oh, Edoras-our home inside Rohan! Where Men can grope themselves-and feel more like a Man! (Touches himself fondly on the chest)
(Jimagorn stops singing as he hears Kendalf speaking to them)
Kendalf: (In a warning voice) Choose your words carefully-words of greeting are not so welcome here.
Megolas: (Bemused) But-if words of greeting are not welcome, then how do they greet one another these days?
Kendalf: (Simply) They don't. (Looks at Megolas) Yeah-they're kind of rude. (Looks to the town) I can only hope that I am not too late.
Brimli: (Whispering to Megolas) Maybe we would've been earlier if somebody hadn't stopped to change his robes! (Nods towards Kendalf)
(Kendalf leads the way into the city. Nobody says anything as they dismount and leave their horses to the gatekeepers. Although nobody in the town is saying anything or doing anything, Jimagorn puts a hand upon his sword's hilt-the town presents a strange aura of discomfort as the four strangers make their way through the town. Many of the citizens are staring blankly at the passing company. Nobody is speaking to anyone-no child is playing in the streets. Brimli gives a snort of discomfort)
Brimli: (Grumpily) You'd find more action at my Aunt Tanya's BINGO parties.
(We see Jimagorn look up towards the Golden hall and his eyes widen as he spots Erynwyn standing on the edge looking at him. An abrupt CRASH! causes Jimagorn to look backwards with the rest of the small company. We see Citizen of Edoras#1 standing next to a broken cart; its wheel recently became disconnected from the rest of the wagon and now it's lopsided. He stands next to the cart with a blank expression on his face. Megolas looks uneasy as she speaks to Kendalf)
Megolas: (Nervously) Kendalf, I don't know what you plan to do, but could you do it quickly so that we could just get the hell out of here? This place reminds me of the mental asylum in Rivendell!
(Kendalf nods in understanding, and we see Jimagorn look towards the Golden Hall again. His eyes widen as he sees that Erynwyn is gone. We follow the company approaching the Golden Hall slowly and cautiously. At this time, many of the citizens have stopped in their tracks to watch the scene. No less than thirty seconds after the four have placed their feet upon the landing of the stairs, the great doors to the hall open wide and Edoras Guards#3-5 approach them. Kendalf gives a small shout of recognition and chances a small smile to present a pleasant attitude-though, we see him grip his staff tighter)
Edoras Guard#3: (In a bored, careless voice-almost like he's lost his passion for this thing) We cannot let you enter the Golden Hall so heavily armed, Kendalf, the old but extremely attractive-(With a small shrug of apology) by orders of Nrima Wormfeces.
(Brimli, Megolas, & Jimagorn look rather suspicious and cautious at the prospect of leaving their weapons behind before dealing with the King of Edoras, but Kendalf catches their eyes and gives a very small nod. Jimagorn is the first to hand the guards his broadsword. Megolas & Brimli follow suit. Megolas hands the guards her weapons with a fine twirl-very artistic for distributing weapons)
Edoras Guard#4: (Pointedly to the Elf) You know-you don't have to twirl every weapon you give us.
Megolas: (With a shrug) I know-(Takes out the last two arrows from her quiver, twirls them like batons in her hands, then hands them to the guard with a small smile) but it's better this way.
Brimli: (With a raised eyebrow) Is that what makes Elves feel sexier- twirling their weapons around?
Megolas: (Looking at the Dwarf and laughing) Of course not! The Elves are taught only the best ways to take out their weapons-it is for mere show.
Brimli: (Impatiently) So-what makes Elves feel sexier?
(Megolas opens her mouth to answer, but stops as Edoras Guard#3 speaks to Kendalf)
Edoras Guard#3: (Pointedly) Your staff, Kendalf. (Extends hand to take it)
Kendalf: (Looking rather forlorn and grasping the staff tighter) You wouldn't part an old man from his walking stick, would you?
Edoras Guard#3: (In a rather blank tone) Actually, yes. (With a quick movement, Edoras Guard#3 swipes the staff out of the Kendalf's grip. Kendalf gives a sharp cry as he crumples to the ground, looking totally crippled without the staff. Megolas, Brimli, & Jimagorn give a gasp of shock as they look upon their fallen wizard)
Megolas: (Anxiously) Kendalf! Are you all right?
Jimagorn: (Running to the wizard's side and glaring at the guards) What kind of person do you think you are, sir?
Edoras Guard#3: (Obviously highly embarrassed) I'm-I'm sorry, sir! But I just assumed that he was-I mean, hearing what I have heard-that he was faking it.
Brimli: (Angrily) What the devil would make you think that an old man would fake his own disfigurement?
Jimagorn: (Shouting at the guards) Honestly, what kind of a town is this? Does this happen often? Do the Men of Edoras steal the walking staffs of the old, causing them to crawl on the ground like the worms that will eat at them in death? What else do you do? Steal candy from defenseless children?
(We see the crowd gathered at the foot of the stairs watching the scene with wide eyes. We see Child of Edoras#1 standing among the crowd, mouth open as he stares at the scene-he is unaware that Edoras Guard#6 is sneaking behind him and seeking to take the huge lollipop that the child grasps. At Jimagorn's statement, Edoras Guard#6 looks up towards the Golden Hall and looks about awkwardly to be sure nobody noticed)
Edoras Guard#6: (Shouting, so as not to draw suspicion) Uh-Yeah! Who would do such a thing? (When everybody averts their attention from him, he hunches to take the candy from Child of Edoras#1)
(We go back to the scene at the landing of the Golden Hall. The guards look rather embarrassed, and Megolas, Brimli, & Jimagorn are quite angry at the moment. Kendalf is still upon the ground, looking like he has never walked properly in all his life)
Jimagorn: (Still shouting at Edoras Guard#3) I'm asking you, good sir, when does it end? I don't care who makes the laws in there (Angrily points towards the Golden Hall) but out here, the laws of a good citizen need to be abided-you don't just take somebody's walking stick from 'em!
Kendalf: (In a feeble, helpless tone as he grasps to Jimagorn's pant leg) No! Do not trouble yourself with this, Jimagorn! I'll just-crawl to King Kevoden if I have to. (Makes to do such a thing)
Megolas: (Angrily) Oh-this is stupid! (To the guards) Just give him the damn walking stick! I'm pretty sure he's not going to perform a terrorism act with it any time soon! Edoras Guard#3: (Slowly extending the staff) I'm sorry, old man, I had no idea-I was only acting on orders.
Jimagorn: (Pointedly) Yeah-well your orders suck!
(Megolas helps Kendalf to his feet, who lets a very small smile pass between the two. As Brimli dashes to the wizard's other side, Kendalf also smiles briefly at the Dwarf, who returns it quickly. Jimagorn takes the staff from the guard, and hands it to Kendalf, who also gives the Man a small smile. The guards have no idea that they have been the fools of a very convincing act to get into the Golden Hall with the staff. Well, except for one. As the four move into the hall, we see Edoras Guard#3 give a small, cunning smile to Kendalf, who passes a small-very indistinguishable-wink towards the guard. As Jimagorn follows, he also winks, though it's very obvious-and if the wink didn't betray him, the nudge he presents the guard will. Suddenly, we see Nrima Wormfeces kneeling by the side of the old King Kevoden. Nrima Wormfeces looks at the door with a small glare-he realizes who's coming)
Nrima Wormfeces: (Quickly whispering to the king) Kendalf, the old but extremely attractive, approaches, my lord.
(We see the doors to the throne room open and Kendalf leads Jimagorn, Megolas, & Brimli into the hall; each of them looks cautious and suspicious. Kendalf hides his anger as he approaches the king slowly. We see Edoras Guards#3-5 recede into the shadows obediently. Nrima Wormfeces whispers the king more urgently)
Nrima Wormfeces: Be careful of his words, my lord.
Kendalf: (Rather loudly and sarcastically) The courtesy of your hall is somewhat lessened of late, Kevoden King!
Nrima Wormfeces: (In a defensive whisper to the king) My lord! He insults your lessons on courtesy to the guards! He is both rude and dangerous! He is not welcome!
King Kevoden: (In a very slow, feeble voice) Why-should I-welcome you- Kendalf-Scarecrow?
Nrima Wormfeces: (Frowns at this and quickly corrects the master) "Stormcrow", sir.
King Kevoden: (Slowly, very disoriented) Stormcrow.
(We see Kendalf keep walking towards the king, the other three companions behind him. We see Megolas glance to the side, where she sees that Edoras Guards #1, 2, 7, 8, & 9 are following them, each one looking more unpleasant than the next. Megolas softly nudges Jimagorn on the shoulder. When Jimagorn looks at her, Megolas softly nods towards the guards. Jimagorn glares and tries to nudge Brimli on the shoulder-but considering she's so short, he nudges her helmet and causes it to go askew. Cursing, Brimli straightens it out)
Jimagorn: (Embarrassed) Sorry, Brimli.
(We go back to Nrima Wormfeces, who is whispering to his king)
Nrima Wormfeces: (In a slick tone) A just question, my liege. (Stands up to speak to Kendalf, drawing up and showing importance) Late is the hour in which this conjurer chooses to appear! How strange that you come today of all days, Kendalf-when rumors of a wizard allowing Orcs to patrol the Rohan are flying about like flies around a piece of meat. Be assured, Kendalf- (Smiles evilly at the wizard) your presence is not invited-which is really rude, by the way! Just barge into somebody's hall, uninvited and-!
Kendalf: (Bitterly interrupting him) Ah, shut up, Wormfeces! I'm getting sick of your crap! You look like a turd with a rat-nose!
Jimagorn: (Laughing stupidly, forgetting his troubles for a moment) Heh, heh! "Turd with a rat-nose".that's great!
Kendalf: (Ignoring Jimagorn and speaking to Nrima Wormfeces) Do us all a favor, Wormfeces, and keep your forked tongue behind your teeth!
(Kendalf brandishes his staff threateningly towards Nrima Wormfeces, whose eyes go wide in fear at the staff)
Nrima Wormfeces: (Breathlessly, stumbling slightly in fear) The staff! (Towards Edoras Guards #1, 2, 7, 8, & 9) I told you to take the wizard's staff! What the hell do you not get about that!
Edoras Guard#7: (Logically) I think it's the staff part-it's rather confusing if you-
Nrima Wormfeces: (Irritably) Just get them! Seize them, you fools!
(Edoras Guards#1, 2, 7, 8, & 9 move in to apprehend the strangers, but Jimagorn, Megolas, & Brimli begin to fight them off viciously-just because they have no weapons, it doesn't mean they can't fight. They use their fists and their legs to keep the guards at bay. Edoras Guard#4 moves to join the fray, but Edoras Guard#3 stops him)
Edoras Guard#3: (In a quiet tone) Not so fast.
Edoras Guard#4: (Shocked) Sir-Nrima Wormfeces said to-!
Edoras Guard#3: (Keeping the other back) No, no, no-wait for a moment. I want to get fired.
(We go back to the fray developing between the three companions and the guards. The big purpose is identified quickly-Jimagorn, Megolas, & Brimli are keeping the distractions from Kendalf, who is approaching King Kevoden slowly and speaking loudly)
Kendalf: (In a loud voice) Kevoden, too long have you lingered in the shadows.
(We see Nrima Wormfeces growl behind his teeth and make towards the wizard, but Brimli whips off her helmet and throws it right at the other's head. Disoriented, Nrima Wormfeces falls to the ground. After shaking his head, he makes to get up, but Brimli has already gotten there. She places her booted foot upon the other's chest to still him)
Brimli: (In a warning tone) I would stay put, if I were you!
Nrima Wormfeces: (Angrily) You stupid, ground-dwelling Dwarf! Filth of the lands and-!
(Nrima Wormfeces stops as Brimli moves her foot from the chest to the throat of the other. Nrima Wormfeces starts to gag as he chokes; Brimli looks rather pleased. Megolas catches the scene and nods)
Megolas: (Impressed) Not too shabby, Brimli!
Brimli: (In the same impressed tone) Yeah-I knew I'd have a use for these!
(We go back to Kendalf approaching King Kevoden. The king realizes that something is awry with the situation, and he becomes hostile towards the wizard)
King Kevoden: (In a feeble, angry tone) Get out of here, Kendalf! You are making a mockery of my hall!
Kendalf: (Rather shocked) Now, what would make you think such a thing?
(We see Jimagorn, yelling hysterically, and chasing Edoras Guard#8 with a chair, run behind Kendalf. Kendalf chooses to ignore this and keeps moving towards King Kevoden; the wizard is quite close to the king)
Kendalf: (In a loud tone) Hearken to me!
(King Kevoden looks at the wizard, suddenly looking rather bemused and frightened. For a moment, everything goes still as people stop to witness the scene. Kendalf closes his eyes in concentration)
Kendalf: (In a soft voice) I release you.(Waves a hand towards King Kevoden artistically) from your spell.
(There is a moment of silence.then, King Kevoden begins to laugh rather maliciously. Jimagorn, Megolas, & Brimli exchange nervous looks towards each other)
Jimagorn: (Towards Megolas) Uh-help me out here, Megolas-what's so funny about this?
Megolas: There's nothing funny about this-(Looks back at the king and the wizard) nothing funny at all.
(Back at Kendalf & King Kevoden; Kendalf looks rather shocked that his spells hasn't worked, and King Kevoden is laughing still)
King Kevoden: (Evilly, between his laughs) You have no power here, Kendalf the old but extremely attractive!
(Kendalf gives the other a bold stare; then, we see him shed his gray robes to reveal-he's wearing his boxers. King Kevoden cries out in revulsion and shields his eyes. Instantly, Jimagorn, Megolas, & Brimli explode in laughter. Kendalf looks down and gives a shout of surprise as he realizes what has happened)
Kendalf: (Shocked) What the HELL?
King Kevoden: (Shielding his eyes) Aagh! It burns my eyes! Kendalf-this is the third age-I don't float that boat! Dear Lord!
Kendalf: (Sharply turning back to Jimagorn, Megolas, & Brimli) Why didn't anybody TELL ME I wasn't wearing anything under these?
Jimagorn: (Through his laughs) We all thought it was funny!
Kendalf: (Angrily) IT'S NOT FUNNY, DAMN IT! Give me my white robes, you dorks!
(Still laughing, Megolas tosses Kendalf his white robes. Once he catches them, Kendalf puts them on-mumbling grumpily all the while. Once the robes are on, he turns back to King Kevoden, stretches out his arms. King Kevoden draws back into his throne as if possessed-the power of Kendalf's power is overwhelming him. We see Erynwyn enter the Golden hall, take one look towards her uncle, and run over towards the scene. But Jimagorn grasps her about the waist to stop her)
Jimagorn: (In a simple tone to the maiden) Wait for a moment. (Takes a good look at Erynwyn, and smiles) Hey! You're hot! Wanna get a cup of coffee some time?
Megolas: (Incredulously) Jimagorn! Haven't you forgotten something?
Jimagorn: (Bemused) What? (Looks towards his chest, spots the Evenstar pendent upon his chest, and lifts it towards his vision) Oh yeah. (We see King Kevoden look towards Kendalf maliciously-it is not the same king who is speaking)
King Kevoden: (Very evilly) If I go-Kevoden dies!
(Kendalf answers this with a sharp movement of his staff, causing King Kevoden to draw back further in his chair)
Kendalf: (Matter-of-factly) You did not kill me-you will not kill him!
(King Kevoden leans back further-fighting the inner demon within him viciously. Then, he leans forward, glaring at the wizard evilly as he utters his warning)
King Kevoden: (Firmly) Rohan-is mine!
(Kendalf makes a swift movement with his staff, and we suddenly see Andraman in Isengard fly across his room. After a while, Andraman gets up and looks towards the Palantir)
Andraman: (In a weak voice) I-should probably-decrease my-hours with-that thing. (Faints in exhaustion)
(Back at Edoras, King Kevoden is now himself. He leans forward abruptly, threatening to fall off his throne. Erynwyn gives a sigh of dismay and rushes to catch her uncle before he falls)
Erynwyn: (Soothingly) It's all right, uncle! I've got you!
(With a small thump, King Kevoden falls face-first upon the ground. Overlooking this, Erynwyn lifts up her uncle in a sitting position, looking into his face with growing concern-then, her face goes into great surprise. We see King Kevoden's face go from a very haggard and ugly appearance to a middle aged, healthy look; he also looks more alert of his surroundings, taking in the Golden Hall intently. The guards look rather surprised, completely forgetting their previous brawl and gazing upon the new king. King Kevoden looks at Erynwyn's shocked face)
King Kevoden: (In a simple tone) I-know your face.I've seen it often.
(Erynwyn smile fondly-so her uncle indeed remembers her!)
King Kevoden: (Shocked, reaching up to touch his niece's face) Is that you- Billy Holiday?
Erynwyn: (Blinks at her uncle for a moment, and clears her throat awkwardly) Uh-no, uncle. It is I-Erynwyn, your niece.
King Kevoden: (Nodding quickly and acting defensive) I know-I know! I was just going to say that! If you hadn't been so rude, you would have heard me say your name, Erica!
Erynwyn: (Kindly) Erynwyn, my lord.
King Kevoden: (Irritably) Don't you start contradicting me, young lady! I know my own relatives! Erynwyn, don't you start giving me the sass mouth or I'll give you a wallop! (Points to Jimagorn) Whoever the hell you are, go outside and break me a switch! There's gonna be a spankin' goin' on here!
Jimagorn: (Eyes light up in glee and makes to leave) Yes sir!
(Megolas grasps Jimagorn's arm and glares at him; she is giving him that, "Don't even think about it, pal!" kind of look. Jimagorn looks rather disappointed, but he averts his attention back to Erynwyn and King Kevoden)
Erynwyn: (Patting her uncle's hand in recognition) It is you, uncle! (Embraces the king) You do remember your bitterness towards your kin!
(King Kevoden accepts the embrace without complaint; in his heart, he is glad that somebody cares. He looks about the Golden Hall and his eyes finally fall upon Kendalf, who is smiling in satisfaction)
Kendalf: (In a gentle voice) Breathe the free air again, King Kevoden.
Brimli: (Immediately) Uh, wait! (Pulls out an aerosol can of room deodorizer, sprays about the room for a few seconds, puts the cap back on, and places it back in her pocket) Okay, now breathe the free air again, your highness.
(Choosing to ignore this little scene, King Kevoden raises himself from his throne and looks about the hall contently. We see many smiles flash upon the faces of the guards, especially Edoras Guard#3. King Kevoden then looks at his hand, slowly flexing his fingers-he looks like he hasn't used them in a while)
Kendalf: (Proudly) Your fingers would remember their strength if they clasped your old sword.
King Kevoden: (Still looking at his hands) No.no.that's not it. I really need to trim my nails-look how long they've gotten? Where's my manicurist?
Kendalf: (Irritably) Look, will you just grab your sword and reclaim your throne, already? I did not come all the way to Golden Hall and accidentally show you my under garments for nothing, okay?
(Megolas, Jimagorn, & Brimli break out in silent giggles. Kendalf scolds at them) Kendalf: (Angrily to the three) Oh, shut up!
(We see Edoras Guard#4 come towards King Kevoden, clasping the king's sword within it's sheath. Firmly, King Kevoden grasps the hilt of the sword, and slowly draws out the sword. Once it is out of the sheath, King Kevoden studies its magnificence-the brilliantly polished, steel blade; the great size of the blade; the hilt representing the mark of Edoras: two horses joined at the nose-two horse joined at the nose? King Kevoden's eyes fall upon the hilt and he frowns deeply)
King Kevoden: (Angrily) Hey! What is this? Whose idea was it to make this hilt? What am I-the king of "My Little Pony" land?
Edoras Guard#4: (Furrowing his brow) Uh-my lord, that is the mark of Edoras- it has been around for centuries; it was a unanimous vote.
King Kevoden: (Irritably) Well, hoist up a Council meeting-we've gotta talk about this symbol! I never realized how much it bothered me!
Kendalf: (Deciding to press more urgent matters) Er-Kevoden-I think we've got more urgent things to worry about, if you don't mind my saying.
King Kevoden: (Nodding in understanding) Yes, I suppose; I can worry about the hilts later-right now, I've got a kingdom to catch up to. (Gazing about the hall) Strange.for a moment, I had forgotten who I was.
Erynwyn: (In a grave voice) So had we.we almost gave up hope, uncle. (In a desperate voice) Uncle, what happened to you? Who did this?
King Kevoden: (In a confused tone) You know-I don't really recall! One day, I'm going to bed, minding my own business, and the next day, I look like one of those pictures out of a mummy book! I thought it was a mere flub-up in the skin cream I was using and that it would go away, but it didn't! The rest (Shakes his head in vagueness) is all a mystery.
Jimagorn: (Suspiciously) Skin cream? What kind of skin cream?
King Kevoden: (In a simple tone) Well, the one that you can get on the outskirts of Rohan, of course! My beloved servant-uh-what's his name? (Snapping his fingers as he ponders the name) Uh-Worm vomit! That's the name!
Nrima Wormfeces: (Irritably) It's Nrima Wormfeces, my lord!
King Kevoden: (Waving it aside casually) Whatever! Anyways, he got me the skin cream, but the moment it started showin' bad results, Worm Skin went to retrieve an anecdote from the best apothecary in Edoras-
Nrima Wormfeces: (Angrily) It's Wormfeces, my lord! Worm-feces!
King Kevoden: (Angrily) Worm Poop-Worm Vomit-Worm Excrement, I don't really give a damn! I'm trying to tell a story here, Worm Fuzz!
Nrima Wormfeces: (Almost going crazy) It's Wormfeces!
King Kevoden: (Continuing) So anyways, Worm Whatever-the-Heck-He's-Called got me some anecdote and told me to take it.he wouldn't tell me what it was, though.
Jimagorn: (Quickly) How often did he say you should take it?
King Kevoden: (After thinking for a moment) About every five.
Megolas: (Quickly) Hours?
King Kevoden: (Shaking his head) No, minutes.
Jimagorn: (His eyes widening) Dear Lord!
King Kevoden: (Very bewildered) What? What'd I miss?
Erynwyn: (Getting the idea and speaking urgently to her uncle) My lord, didn't you find it odd that you were being ordered to drink the potion so frequently?
King Kevoden: (Very agitated) What's everyone so uptight about? It was no big deal, really! All I did was take some unknown potion I had never even heard of from a sneaky, rat faced servant named Worm Teeth!
Nrima Wormfeces: (Standing up quickly, and shouting angrily) IT'S WORMFECES, YOU FREAKIN' DUMB ASS! YOU NEVER REMEMBERED MY NAME-I'D BEEN WORKIN' FOR YOU FOR TEN YEARS AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T REMEMBERED MY NAME! THAT'S WHY I GAVE YOU THAT BRAINWASHING POTION AND SOLD YOUR SOUL TO ANDRAMAN, THE OLDER BUT MOST GORGEOUS ONE! THAT'S WHY I MADE THE GUARDS BACK OFF FROM THE BORDERS TO LET ORCS COME AND TAKE THE CITY! NOW, PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, CALL ME WORMFECES!
(A great silence fills the Golden Hall, with everybody staring at the heavily breathing form of Nrima Wormfeces, who still looks quite angry. Then, we see King Kevoden's face darken considerably as he realizes the treachery of it all-Erynwyn looks liable to breathe fire. Nrima Wormfeces realizes he let his temper get the better of him and quickly draws back in horror)
Nrima Wormfeces: (In a small voice) Awe, crap!
(We suddenly see Edoras Guards#1&2 throw Nrima Wormfeces out of the Golden Hall, where he tumbles heavily down the stairs, cursing in pain with every step)
Nrima Wormfeces: (Grasping his ribs in agony when he lands) Ouch! My ribs, you jerks!
(Nrima Wormfeces stops talks as he sees King Kevoden step out of the Golden Hall, looking very vengeful and flanked by Kendalf, Megolas, Brimli, Jimagorn, Erynwyn, and a few guards-the looks on their faces present no mercy for the traitor. King Kevoden begins to advance towards the quivering form of Nrima Wormfeces, who draws back quickly, seeking a chance to hold onto his pathetic life. Many of the grim towns people approach the steps to witness the scene)
Nrima Wormfeces: (Frantically, seeking to get away from the angered king) I- only sought to serve you, my lord! I have presented only my loyalties upon you!
King Kevoden: (Bitterly, grinding his teeth) Your loyalties and services would have had me crawling upon all fours like a beast!
Nrima Wormfeces: (Hopefully) And-you didn't like that, my lord?
(King Kevoden answers by giving a firm kick to Nrima Wormfeces' shin. Nrima Wormfeces gives a gasp of pain and stops moving, giving enough time for King Kevoden to approach his form. Knowing he cannot get away, Nrima Wormfeces seeks a way to compromise the situation)
Nrima Wormfeces: (Desperately) Send me not from your sight, my lord! Do not let my loyalties die! Sure-I deceived you! Okay-I may have controlled your mind and your kingdom for a while! All right-I may have called off the guards from the borders allowing many of the Orcs to swarm into the kingdom of Edoras! And okay-I may have betrayed the entire kingdom to the wizard at Isengard, but what does it all matter?
King Kevoden: (Besides himself in anger) Give me one excuse, traitor, just one excuse!
Edoras Guard#3: (In a helping tone) He's responsible for the extra taxation upon batteries, my lord.
(Shouting angrily, King Kevoden raises his sword to strike down the traitor and the deceiver-to end the suffering he has endured; Nrima Wormfeces shields his face with his hand. But before King Kevoden can strike, Jimagorn shouts out and runs to hold back the king's blow)
Jimagorn: (Desperately) NOOOOO! (Grasps the king's hand and explains quietly to the king) Let him go-enough blood has been shed on his account.
(King Kevoden looks incredulously at the other, already beginning to dislike him. Jimagorn extends a hand of friendship and opportunity to Nrima Wormfeces, but the other simply spits upon it)
Jimagorn: (With a great shout of disgust as he shakes off his hand) Agh! Spit! Spit on my beautiful, moisturized hands!
(Nrima Wormfeces uses the chance to jump to his feet and push his way past the town's people-he's escaping the town. Without any thought or consideration towards the other, Nrima Wormfeces snatches the reins of Citizen of Edoras#2's horse)
Citizen of Edoras#2: (Angrily as he realizes somebody's taking his horse) Hey! You can't just take my horse!
Nrima Wormfeces: (Angrily throwing down some slips to the citizen) There's five-hundred dollars! Leave me alone!
(Shocked, Citizen of Edoras#2 nods and bends to pick up the slips; using his time wisely, Nrima Wormfeces rides away from the citizen. We see Citizen of Edoras#2 look at one of the slips and frown)
Citizen of Edoras#2: (Angrily) Hey! This is just in stock, you bastard!
(But Nrima Wormfeces is already riding through the town's gate. We go back to the steps at Golden Hall, where King Kevoden angrily sheathes his sword and shoves Jimagorn roughly)
King Kevoden: (Irritably) You should have let me kill him! We shouldn't have let him get away!
Jimagorn: (Angrily) You would be so cruel as to take his life when he had taken the lives of so many others? His own life is pathetic enough-he doesn't deserve to die.
King Kevoden: (Shouting at the other) Well it'd be more than he'd deserve! (Looks towards the countryside, hoping to see the black-cloaked figure riding away) Now, he's out there and gotten away.
Megolas: (Angrily smacking Jimagorn over the head) Nice going, nim-rod!
Brimli: (Kicking Jimagorn in the shin angrily) Yeah-nice one, genius!
Jimagorn: (Irritably rubbing his shin) Well, excuse me for being merciful! It was the right thing to let him go, right Kendalf?
Kendalf: (Angrily) I never told you to let him go, you stupid fetus! I just said, "Kevoden is performing a fair favor for Wormfeces by killing him"! Jimagorn: (Angrily) Well, I didn't let Kevoden kill him-I deserve your praise!
Kendalf: (Angrily whacking Jimagorn in the stomach with his staff) You idiot! I'm one of the main actors! I have to say something solemn! Do I ever mean what I say-hell no!
Jimagorn: (Rubbing his stomach and getting very agitated) Oh come on! It's not like it's a big loss for us or anything! I mean, the guy doesn't even make it to Isengard!
(Everybody looks at one another in confusion)
Jimagorn: (Angrily) Well-am I right?
Megolas: (Blankly) You idiot, Jimagorn! Nrima Wormfeces does make it to Isengard!
Jimagorn: (Confused) No! That's not him! He dies on the road due to complications with asthma!
Megolas: (Angrily) That's Citizen of Edoras number fifteen, you idiot!
Citizen of Edoras#15: (Piping up angrily from the crowd) Hey! How come I have to die?
Jimagorn: (Looking very awkward) So-Nrima Wormfeces does make it to Isengard?
Megolas: (Nodding angrily) Uh-yeah!
Jimagorn: (Stamping his foot angrily) Damn it, why doesn't anybody ever tell me these things?
Brimli: (Incredulously) It's in your script, you moron!
Jimagorn: (Raising an eyebrow) It is?
Megolas: (Nodding in agitation) Yeah! (Pulls out a folded up portion of her script and tosses it to Jimagorn) It's right there; scene fourteen!
(Jimagorn thumbs through the script and scans the pages of scene fourteen. After a while, his eyes widen and he looks rather surprised)
Jimagorn: (Incredulously) Well, I'll be damned!
(Suddenly, we hear Citizen of Edoras#3 pipe up in the group)
Citizen of Edoras#3: (In a very monotone voice) Hey! Look! It is King Kevoden, back at his old self! Citizen of Edoras#4: (In the same monotone voice) This is the happiest day of my life.
Edoras Guard#3: (Giving a firm order) Make welcome to your king, citizens of Edoras!
(For a moment, none of the citizens move-the wind whips through the town ominously. The members of Golden Hall look at one another awkwardly)
Edoras Guard#3: (In a low voice towards the crowd) Uh-bow to him.
(In a great shout of understanding, the citizens bow low to their king; even Jimagorn bows his head and places his hand on his chest in respects- or, maybe it's not in respects but self-gratification. But anyways, King Kevoden takes a good look around, looking very pleased to be a king again. Then, he averts his attention to those who have come from the Golden Hall; everybody is there-except for one key person.)
King Kevoden: (His brow furrowing as he realizes it) Where is Jaredred? Where is my son?
(The members of the Golden Hall look at one another uncomfortably. Erynwyn turns away to hide the tears of grief billowing from her eyes. Jimagorn decides to break the news easily to the king)
Jimagorn: (Sympathetically, placing his hand upon the king's shoulder) Listen, King Kevoden, there comes a time in everyone's life when-be that as it may that many try to make it otherwise-their time upon this earth- (Shakes his head as he tries another motive) Or, let's put it this way: you plant a flower in the middle of spring. Now, you-or, let's make it a tree! A tree goes through a time where it loses its leaves every fall, right? Well, the leaves may have fallen, but the tree itself isn't necessarily dead.
Megolas: (Practically) Well, actually-the tree does die for a brief period of time-
Jimagorn: (Angrily) Okay, the freakin' tree is dead! Are you happy? (Back to the king) But-the tree may be dead, but it's not necessarily gone, right? So-keeping that in mind, now-Kevoden, I'm regretting to inform you that-well, Jaredred-there comes a time-Er.(Looks to Megolas for guidance in his awkward position) Megolas, help me out here!
Megolas: (Looks blankly at King Kevoden and speaks firmly) Jaredred's dead, Kevoden. His body's in the sick room if you want to go look.
(King Kevoden's eyes widen in horror and grief. Jimagorn is giving Megolas an open-mouthed incredulous stare. Megolas looks as though she has said nothing important)
Jimagorn: (In an angry tone) Megolas! Couldn't you have eased into that a little bit?
Megolas: (Shrugging) Well, I'm sorry! I don't know how one mourns somebody after death! Our kind doesn't die! We're immortal!
Jimagorn: (Angrily) Oh sure! Throw that in my face!
(We go back to see Megolas, Brimli, & Jimagorn riding behind Kendalf and his steed towards Edoras. They stop at the top of a hill overlooking the great city in the distance. For a while, the four companions stare at the city. Kendalf is wearing gray robes. Then, Kendalf speaks in a solemn tone)
Kendalf: There is Edoras, home of Kevoden, King of the Golden Hall.
(We see the horribly aged King Kevoden sitting on his throne in the Golden Hall, Erynwyn at his feet and stroking his hand)
Voice of Kendalf: .whose mind is not his own, during these times.
Erynwyn: (In a very sad tone) My Lord, your son.he is dead. (She looks into her uncle's face, trying to decipher any emotion from him) My Lord, will you not go to him?
(King Kevoden appears to not have heard, even though he is staring right in Erynwyn's face. Erynwyn looks very desperate for reprieve of the situation)
Erynwyn: (In a desperate voice) My Lord? Do you not recognize me? Oh, come on, uncle! It's me, Erynwyn; your niece-sister of the whiny one? My Lord-?
(Erynwyn stops speaking as she sees King Kevoden look upon her. But it is not the usual look of age and confusion-it is a small look of sudden recognition. Erynwyn smiles in joy at this new look)
Erynwyn: (In an encouraging tone) Yes, uncle! You know my name! Speak my name and let my troubles rest for but a moment!
(King Kevoden looks at Erynwyn for a very long time, then flashes a small smile, and then-)
King Kevoden: (In a sickening groan) ERRRRGGGGGGHHHHHAAAAAA!
Erynwyn: (Releasing her uncle's hand and standing up in anger) Oh, damn it!
(Now we see Erynwyn kneeling to the bedside of the dead Jaredred. Erynwyn is in tears, not even bothering to wipe the them from her face, allowing all her emotion to pour out of her in this moment of sorrow-not just for her cousin's death, either. Then, from out of the corner of the entranceway, we see a familiar figure lurk-it is Nrima Wormfeces. Obviously surprised at the maiden's appearance, he masks it over with a façade of grief, slowly walking towards Erynwyn's side as he speaks)
Nrima Wormfeces: (In a forced grieving tone) Oh-he must have died some time in the night. (In a quick tone) Uh-he is dead, right? Erynwyn: (After sniffling, she replies rather coldly) Yes.
(Nrima Wormfeces lets out a quiet sigh of relief, and we see him shove a small bottle clearly marked, "Deadly Poison!" further into his black robes. Placing his saddened look upon his pointed face, he leers nearer to the side of Erynwyn)
Nrima Wormfeces: (In a very icy tone) What a heart break it must be to the king, to loose his only son and heir. (Sitting upon the bed at the deceased's feet and looking delicately at Erynwyn) I understand that his passing is hard to accept. What with your uncle in a very-er-ill state, (Shudders at the revulsion of it all) and with your brother just deserting you.you must feel awful. (Puts a comforting hand upon the maiden's shoulder) You want my card for my therapist?
(Although Nrima Wormfeces is trying his best to be comforting, Erynwyn sees past it immediately. She flinches at the other's touch as if she were being touched with ice, and draws away from him)
Erynwyn: (Standing up and choking on her tears) Leave me alone, snake!
Nrima Wormfeces: (With a menacing smile upon his face) But you are alone. You've been alone for the past few days, Erynwyn.
(Nrima Wormfeces gets up and begins to pace around Erynwyn. Erynwyn does nothing to stop him, but she looks revolted)
Nrima Wormfeces: (In the same menacing tone) Who knows what you cry out in the darkness when your life seems to shrink. Who knows whom you would turn to for council during your dark hours of your small life. (Looks at Erynwyn and stops pacing) So beautiful, yet so cold.(Touches her face and a small smile flicks across his face) like a flower blooming in early spring, still clinging to winter's chill.
(Erynwyn closes her eyes against the other's touch, trying to calm herself, but letting the tears fall. Nrima Wormfeces is staring at her, as if expecting recognition. Finally, Erynwyn realizes that something is awry; she snaps her eyes open and glares at the other)
Erynwyn: (Angrily) Your words-are poison!
(And with that, Erynwyn runs from the room, leaving Nrima Wormfeces standing alone. He swells up in dignity and draws his black robes tighter about his frame)
Nrima Wormfeces: (In a dignified voice, speaking towards the doorframe) I'll have you know that the Poet's Council of Rohan believed my poetry to be quite nice, you little brat! If I had sent in the nine hundred dollar deposit, I would've gotten some of my work published; I'll have you know!
(We see Erynwyn run from the Golden Hall, ignoring the two guards posted at the entrance. Erynwyn goes to the edge and looks into the distance, the wind billowing. She cries no more tears-she is desperately lost at the moment, perhaps finding solace in the fact that her brother may come back. Then, she sees four figures riding towards the town: Kendalf, Megolas, Brimli, & Jimagorn. Erynwyn watches them for a moment, perturbed by this strange predicament. Then, we see the flag of Edoras fly from its pole with a rip. Erynwyn watches it go, as if watching her hopes flying away from her-what has become of her home? We follow the flag's flight towards the other side of the Main Gate leading into Edoras. It falls to the ground, and Jimagorn sees it. His face pulls into a look of dismay, and he makes a cross pattern across his chest, tears of pride building in his eyes)
Jimagorn: (Softly singing in the tune of the Canadian National Anthem, as he holds back the tears) Oh, Edoras-our home inside Rohan! Where Men can grope themselves-and feel more like a Man! (Touches himself fondly on the chest)
(Jimagorn stops singing as he hears Kendalf speaking to them)
Kendalf: (In a warning voice) Choose your words carefully-words of greeting are not so welcome here.
Megolas: (Bemused) But-if words of greeting are not welcome, then how do they greet one another these days?
Kendalf: (Simply) They don't. (Looks at Megolas) Yeah-they're kind of rude. (Looks to the town) I can only hope that I am not too late.
Brimli: (Whispering to Megolas) Maybe we would've been earlier if somebody hadn't stopped to change his robes! (Nods towards Kendalf)
(Kendalf leads the way into the city. Nobody says anything as they dismount and leave their horses to the gatekeepers. Although nobody in the town is saying anything or doing anything, Jimagorn puts a hand upon his sword's hilt-the town presents a strange aura of discomfort as the four strangers make their way through the town. Many of the citizens are staring blankly at the passing company. Nobody is speaking to anyone-no child is playing in the streets. Brimli gives a snort of discomfort)
Brimli: (Grumpily) You'd find more action at my Aunt Tanya's BINGO parties.
(We see Jimagorn look up towards the Golden hall and his eyes widen as he spots Erynwyn standing on the edge looking at him. An abrupt CRASH! causes Jimagorn to look backwards with the rest of the small company. We see Citizen of Edoras#1 standing next to a broken cart; its wheel recently became disconnected from the rest of the wagon and now it's lopsided. He stands next to the cart with a blank expression on his face. Megolas looks uneasy as she speaks to Kendalf)
Megolas: (Nervously) Kendalf, I don't know what you plan to do, but could you do it quickly so that we could just get the hell out of here? This place reminds me of the mental asylum in Rivendell!
(Kendalf nods in understanding, and we see Jimagorn look towards the Golden Hall again. His eyes widen as he sees that Erynwyn is gone. We follow the company approaching the Golden Hall slowly and cautiously. At this time, many of the citizens have stopped in their tracks to watch the scene. No less than thirty seconds after the four have placed their feet upon the landing of the stairs, the great doors to the hall open wide and Edoras Guards#3-5 approach them. Kendalf gives a small shout of recognition and chances a small smile to present a pleasant attitude-though, we see him grip his staff tighter)
Edoras Guard#3: (In a bored, careless voice-almost like he's lost his passion for this thing) We cannot let you enter the Golden Hall so heavily armed, Kendalf, the old but extremely attractive-(With a small shrug of apology) by orders of Nrima Wormfeces.
(Brimli, Megolas, & Jimagorn look rather suspicious and cautious at the prospect of leaving their weapons behind before dealing with the King of Edoras, but Kendalf catches their eyes and gives a very small nod. Jimagorn is the first to hand the guards his broadsword. Megolas & Brimli follow suit. Megolas hands the guards her weapons with a fine twirl-very artistic for distributing weapons)
Edoras Guard#4: (Pointedly to the Elf) You know-you don't have to twirl every weapon you give us.
Megolas: (With a shrug) I know-(Takes out the last two arrows from her quiver, twirls them like batons in her hands, then hands them to the guard with a small smile) but it's better this way.
Brimli: (With a raised eyebrow) Is that what makes Elves feel sexier- twirling their weapons around?
Megolas: (Looking at the Dwarf and laughing) Of course not! The Elves are taught only the best ways to take out their weapons-it is for mere show.
Brimli: (Impatiently) So-what makes Elves feel sexier?
(Megolas opens her mouth to answer, but stops as Edoras Guard#3 speaks to Kendalf)
Edoras Guard#3: (Pointedly) Your staff, Kendalf. (Extends hand to take it)
Kendalf: (Looking rather forlorn and grasping the staff tighter) You wouldn't part an old man from his walking stick, would you?
Edoras Guard#3: (In a rather blank tone) Actually, yes. (With a quick movement, Edoras Guard#3 swipes the staff out of the Kendalf's grip. Kendalf gives a sharp cry as he crumples to the ground, looking totally crippled without the staff. Megolas, Brimli, & Jimagorn give a gasp of shock as they look upon their fallen wizard)
Megolas: (Anxiously) Kendalf! Are you all right?
Jimagorn: (Running to the wizard's side and glaring at the guards) What kind of person do you think you are, sir?
Edoras Guard#3: (Obviously highly embarrassed) I'm-I'm sorry, sir! But I just assumed that he was-I mean, hearing what I have heard-that he was faking it.
Brimli: (Angrily) What the devil would make you think that an old man would fake his own disfigurement?
Jimagorn: (Shouting at the guards) Honestly, what kind of a town is this? Does this happen often? Do the Men of Edoras steal the walking staffs of the old, causing them to crawl on the ground like the worms that will eat at them in death? What else do you do? Steal candy from defenseless children?
(We see the crowd gathered at the foot of the stairs watching the scene with wide eyes. We see Child of Edoras#1 standing among the crowd, mouth open as he stares at the scene-he is unaware that Edoras Guard#6 is sneaking behind him and seeking to take the huge lollipop that the child grasps. At Jimagorn's statement, Edoras Guard#6 looks up towards the Golden Hall and looks about awkwardly to be sure nobody noticed)
Edoras Guard#6: (Shouting, so as not to draw suspicion) Uh-Yeah! Who would do such a thing? (When everybody averts their attention from him, he hunches to take the candy from Child of Edoras#1)
(We go back to the scene at the landing of the Golden Hall. The guards look rather embarrassed, and Megolas, Brimli, & Jimagorn are quite angry at the moment. Kendalf is still upon the ground, looking like he has never walked properly in all his life)
Jimagorn: (Still shouting at Edoras Guard#3) I'm asking you, good sir, when does it end? I don't care who makes the laws in there (Angrily points towards the Golden Hall) but out here, the laws of a good citizen need to be abided-you don't just take somebody's walking stick from 'em!
Kendalf: (In a feeble, helpless tone as he grasps to Jimagorn's pant leg) No! Do not trouble yourself with this, Jimagorn! I'll just-crawl to King Kevoden if I have to. (Makes to do such a thing)
Megolas: (Angrily) Oh-this is stupid! (To the guards) Just give him the damn walking stick! I'm pretty sure he's not going to perform a terrorism act with it any time soon! Edoras Guard#3: (Slowly extending the staff) I'm sorry, old man, I had no idea-I was only acting on orders.
Jimagorn: (Pointedly) Yeah-well your orders suck!
(Megolas helps Kendalf to his feet, who lets a very small smile pass between the two. As Brimli dashes to the wizard's other side, Kendalf also smiles briefly at the Dwarf, who returns it quickly. Jimagorn takes the staff from the guard, and hands it to Kendalf, who also gives the Man a small smile. The guards have no idea that they have been the fools of a very convincing act to get into the Golden Hall with the staff. Well, except for one. As the four move into the hall, we see Edoras Guard#3 give a small, cunning smile to Kendalf, who passes a small-very indistinguishable-wink towards the guard. As Jimagorn follows, he also winks, though it's very obvious-and if the wink didn't betray him, the nudge he presents the guard will. Suddenly, we see Nrima Wormfeces kneeling by the side of the old King Kevoden. Nrima Wormfeces looks at the door with a small glare-he realizes who's coming)
Nrima Wormfeces: (Quickly whispering to the king) Kendalf, the old but extremely attractive, approaches, my lord.
(We see the doors to the throne room open and Kendalf leads Jimagorn, Megolas, & Brimli into the hall; each of them looks cautious and suspicious. Kendalf hides his anger as he approaches the king slowly. We see Edoras Guards#3-5 recede into the shadows obediently. Nrima Wormfeces whispers the king more urgently)
Nrima Wormfeces: Be careful of his words, my lord.
Kendalf: (Rather loudly and sarcastically) The courtesy of your hall is somewhat lessened of late, Kevoden King!
Nrima Wormfeces: (In a defensive whisper to the king) My lord! He insults your lessons on courtesy to the guards! He is both rude and dangerous! He is not welcome!
King Kevoden: (In a very slow, feeble voice) Why-should I-welcome you- Kendalf-Scarecrow?
Nrima Wormfeces: (Frowns at this and quickly corrects the master) "Stormcrow", sir.
King Kevoden: (Slowly, very disoriented) Stormcrow.
(We see Kendalf keep walking towards the king, the other three companions behind him. We see Megolas glance to the side, where she sees that Edoras Guards #1, 2, 7, 8, & 9 are following them, each one looking more unpleasant than the next. Megolas softly nudges Jimagorn on the shoulder. When Jimagorn looks at her, Megolas softly nods towards the guards. Jimagorn glares and tries to nudge Brimli on the shoulder-but considering she's so short, he nudges her helmet and causes it to go askew. Cursing, Brimli straightens it out)
Jimagorn: (Embarrassed) Sorry, Brimli.
(We go back to Nrima Wormfeces, who is whispering to his king)
Nrima Wormfeces: (In a slick tone) A just question, my liege. (Stands up to speak to Kendalf, drawing up and showing importance) Late is the hour in which this conjurer chooses to appear! How strange that you come today of all days, Kendalf-when rumors of a wizard allowing Orcs to patrol the Rohan are flying about like flies around a piece of meat. Be assured, Kendalf- (Smiles evilly at the wizard) your presence is not invited-which is really rude, by the way! Just barge into somebody's hall, uninvited and-!
Kendalf: (Bitterly interrupting him) Ah, shut up, Wormfeces! I'm getting sick of your crap! You look like a turd with a rat-nose!
Jimagorn: (Laughing stupidly, forgetting his troubles for a moment) Heh, heh! "Turd with a rat-nose".that's great!
Kendalf: (Ignoring Jimagorn and speaking to Nrima Wormfeces) Do us all a favor, Wormfeces, and keep your forked tongue behind your teeth!
(Kendalf brandishes his staff threateningly towards Nrima Wormfeces, whose eyes go wide in fear at the staff)
Nrima Wormfeces: (Breathlessly, stumbling slightly in fear) The staff! (Towards Edoras Guards #1, 2, 7, 8, & 9) I told you to take the wizard's staff! What the hell do you not get about that!
Edoras Guard#7: (Logically) I think it's the staff part-it's rather confusing if you-
Nrima Wormfeces: (Irritably) Just get them! Seize them, you fools!
(Edoras Guards#1, 2, 7, 8, & 9 move in to apprehend the strangers, but Jimagorn, Megolas, & Brimli begin to fight them off viciously-just because they have no weapons, it doesn't mean they can't fight. They use their fists and their legs to keep the guards at bay. Edoras Guard#4 moves to join the fray, but Edoras Guard#3 stops him)
Edoras Guard#3: (In a quiet tone) Not so fast.
Edoras Guard#4: (Shocked) Sir-Nrima Wormfeces said to-!
Edoras Guard#3: (Keeping the other back) No, no, no-wait for a moment. I want to get fired.
(We go back to the fray developing between the three companions and the guards. The big purpose is identified quickly-Jimagorn, Megolas, & Brimli are keeping the distractions from Kendalf, who is approaching King Kevoden slowly and speaking loudly)
Kendalf: (In a loud voice) Kevoden, too long have you lingered in the shadows.
(We see Nrima Wormfeces growl behind his teeth and make towards the wizard, but Brimli whips off her helmet and throws it right at the other's head. Disoriented, Nrima Wormfeces falls to the ground. After shaking his head, he makes to get up, but Brimli has already gotten there. She places her booted foot upon the other's chest to still him)
Brimli: (In a warning tone) I would stay put, if I were you!
Nrima Wormfeces: (Angrily) You stupid, ground-dwelling Dwarf! Filth of the lands and-!
(Nrima Wormfeces stops as Brimli moves her foot from the chest to the throat of the other. Nrima Wormfeces starts to gag as he chokes; Brimli looks rather pleased. Megolas catches the scene and nods)
Megolas: (Impressed) Not too shabby, Brimli!
Brimli: (In the same impressed tone) Yeah-I knew I'd have a use for these!
(We go back to Kendalf approaching King Kevoden. The king realizes that something is awry with the situation, and he becomes hostile towards the wizard)
King Kevoden: (In a feeble, angry tone) Get out of here, Kendalf! You are making a mockery of my hall!
Kendalf: (Rather shocked) Now, what would make you think such a thing?
(We see Jimagorn, yelling hysterically, and chasing Edoras Guard#8 with a chair, run behind Kendalf. Kendalf chooses to ignore this and keeps moving towards King Kevoden; the wizard is quite close to the king)
Kendalf: (In a loud tone) Hearken to me!
(King Kevoden looks at the wizard, suddenly looking rather bemused and frightened. For a moment, everything goes still as people stop to witness the scene. Kendalf closes his eyes in concentration)
Kendalf: (In a soft voice) I release you.(Waves a hand towards King Kevoden artistically) from your spell.
(There is a moment of silence.then, King Kevoden begins to laugh rather maliciously. Jimagorn, Megolas, & Brimli exchange nervous looks towards each other)
Jimagorn: (Towards Megolas) Uh-help me out here, Megolas-what's so funny about this?
Megolas: There's nothing funny about this-(Looks back at the king and the wizard) nothing funny at all.
(Back at Kendalf & King Kevoden; Kendalf looks rather shocked that his spells hasn't worked, and King Kevoden is laughing still)
King Kevoden: (Evilly, between his laughs) You have no power here, Kendalf the old but extremely attractive!
(Kendalf gives the other a bold stare; then, we see him shed his gray robes to reveal-he's wearing his boxers. King Kevoden cries out in revulsion and shields his eyes. Instantly, Jimagorn, Megolas, & Brimli explode in laughter. Kendalf looks down and gives a shout of surprise as he realizes what has happened)
Kendalf: (Shocked) What the HELL?
King Kevoden: (Shielding his eyes) Aagh! It burns my eyes! Kendalf-this is the third age-I don't float that boat! Dear Lord!
Kendalf: (Sharply turning back to Jimagorn, Megolas, & Brimli) Why didn't anybody TELL ME I wasn't wearing anything under these?
Jimagorn: (Through his laughs) We all thought it was funny!
Kendalf: (Angrily) IT'S NOT FUNNY, DAMN IT! Give me my white robes, you dorks!
(Still laughing, Megolas tosses Kendalf his white robes. Once he catches them, Kendalf puts them on-mumbling grumpily all the while. Once the robes are on, he turns back to King Kevoden, stretches out his arms. King Kevoden draws back into his throne as if possessed-the power of Kendalf's power is overwhelming him. We see Erynwyn enter the Golden hall, take one look towards her uncle, and run over towards the scene. But Jimagorn grasps her about the waist to stop her)
Jimagorn: (In a simple tone to the maiden) Wait for a moment. (Takes a good look at Erynwyn, and smiles) Hey! You're hot! Wanna get a cup of coffee some time?
Megolas: (Incredulously) Jimagorn! Haven't you forgotten something?
Jimagorn: (Bemused) What? (Looks towards his chest, spots the Evenstar pendent upon his chest, and lifts it towards his vision) Oh yeah. (We see King Kevoden look towards Kendalf maliciously-it is not the same king who is speaking)
King Kevoden: (Very evilly) If I go-Kevoden dies!
(Kendalf answers this with a sharp movement of his staff, causing King Kevoden to draw back further in his chair)
Kendalf: (Matter-of-factly) You did not kill me-you will not kill him!
(King Kevoden leans back further-fighting the inner demon within him viciously. Then, he leans forward, glaring at the wizard evilly as he utters his warning)
King Kevoden: (Firmly) Rohan-is mine!
(Kendalf makes a swift movement with his staff, and we suddenly see Andraman in Isengard fly across his room. After a while, Andraman gets up and looks towards the Palantir)
Andraman: (In a weak voice) I-should probably-decrease my-hours with-that thing. (Faints in exhaustion)
(Back at Edoras, King Kevoden is now himself. He leans forward abruptly, threatening to fall off his throne. Erynwyn gives a sigh of dismay and rushes to catch her uncle before he falls)
Erynwyn: (Soothingly) It's all right, uncle! I've got you!
(With a small thump, King Kevoden falls face-first upon the ground. Overlooking this, Erynwyn lifts up her uncle in a sitting position, looking into his face with growing concern-then, her face goes into great surprise. We see King Kevoden's face go from a very haggard and ugly appearance to a middle aged, healthy look; he also looks more alert of his surroundings, taking in the Golden Hall intently. The guards look rather surprised, completely forgetting their previous brawl and gazing upon the new king. King Kevoden looks at Erynwyn's shocked face)
King Kevoden: (In a simple tone) I-know your face.I've seen it often.
(Erynwyn smile fondly-so her uncle indeed remembers her!)
King Kevoden: (Shocked, reaching up to touch his niece's face) Is that you- Billy Holiday?
Erynwyn: (Blinks at her uncle for a moment, and clears her throat awkwardly) Uh-no, uncle. It is I-Erynwyn, your niece.
King Kevoden: (Nodding quickly and acting defensive) I know-I know! I was just going to say that! If you hadn't been so rude, you would have heard me say your name, Erica!
Erynwyn: (Kindly) Erynwyn, my lord.
King Kevoden: (Irritably) Don't you start contradicting me, young lady! I know my own relatives! Erynwyn, don't you start giving me the sass mouth or I'll give you a wallop! (Points to Jimagorn) Whoever the hell you are, go outside and break me a switch! There's gonna be a spankin' goin' on here!
Jimagorn: (Eyes light up in glee and makes to leave) Yes sir!
(Megolas grasps Jimagorn's arm and glares at him; she is giving him that, "Don't even think about it, pal!" kind of look. Jimagorn looks rather disappointed, but he averts his attention back to Erynwyn and King Kevoden)
Erynwyn: (Patting her uncle's hand in recognition) It is you, uncle! (Embraces the king) You do remember your bitterness towards your kin!
(King Kevoden accepts the embrace without complaint; in his heart, he is glad that somebody cares. He looks about the Golden Hall and his eyes finally fall upon Kendalf, who is smiling in satisfaction)
Kendalf: (In a gentle voice) Breathe the free air again, King Kevoden.
Brimli: (Immediately) Uh, wait! (Pulls out an aerosol can of room deodorizer, sprays about the room for a few seconds, puts the cap back on, and places it back in her pocket) Okay, now breathe the free air again, your highness.
(Choosing to ignore this little scene, King Kevoden raises himself from his throne and looks about the hall contently. We see many smiles flash upon the faces of the guards, especially Edoras Guard#3. King Kevoden then looks at his hand, slowly flexing his fingers-he looks like he hasn't used them in a while)
Kendalf: (Proudly) Your fingers would remember their strength if they clasped your old sword.
King Kevoden: (Still looking at his hands) No.no.that's not it. I really need to trim my nails-look how long they've gotten? Where's my manicurist?
Kendalf: (Irritably) Look, will you just grab your sword and reclaim your throne, already? I did not come all the way to Golden Hall and accidentally show you my under garments for nothing, okay?
(Megolas, Jimagorn, & Brimli break out in silent giggles. Kendalf scolds at them) Kendalf: (Angrily to the three) Oh, shut up!
(We see Edoras Guard#4 come towards King Kevoden, clasping the king's sword within it's sheath. Firmly, King Kevoden grasps the hilt of the sword, and slowly draws out the sword. Once it is out of the sheath, King Kevoden studies its magnificence-the brilliantly polished, steel blade; the great size of the blade; the hilt representing the mark of Edoras: two horses joined at the nose-two horse joined at the nose? King Kevoden's eyes fall upon the hilt and he frowns deeply)
King Kevoden: (Angrily) Hey! What is this? Whose idea was it to make this hilt? What am I-the king of "My Little Pony" land?
Edoras Guard#4: (Furrowing his brow) Uh-my lord, that is the mark of Edoras- it has been around for centuries; it was a unanimous vote.
King Kevoden: (Irritably) Well, hoist up a Council meeting-we've gotta talk about this symbol! I never realized how much it bothered me!
Kendalf: (Deciding to press more urgent matters) Er-Kevoden-I think we've got more urgent things to worry about, if you don't mind my saying.
King Kevoden: (Nodding in understanding) Yes, I suppose; I can worry about the hilts later-right now, I've got a kingdom to catch up to. (Gazing about the hall) Strange.for a moment, I had forgotten who I was.
Erynwyn: (In a grave voice) So had we.we almost gave up hope, uncle. (In a desperate voice) Uncle, what happened to you? Who did this?
King Kevoden: (In a confused tone) You know-I don't really recall! One day, I'm going to bed, minding my own business, and the next day, I look like one of those pictures out of a mummy book! I thought it was a mere flub-up in the skin cream I was using and that it would go away, but it didn't! The rest (Shakes his head in vagueness) is all a mystery.
Jimagorn: (Suspiciously) Skin cream? What kind of skin cream?
King Kevoden: (In a simple tone) Well, the one that you can get on the outskirts of Rohan, of course! My beloved servant-uh-what's his name? (Snapping his fingers as he ponders the name) Uh-Worm vomit! That's the name!
Nrima Wormfeces: (Irritably) It's Nrima Wormfeces, my lord!
King Kevoden: (Waving it aside casually) Whatever! Anyways, he got me the skin cream, but the moment it started showin' bad results, Worm Skin went to retrieve an anecdote from the best apothecary in Edoras-
Nrima Wormfeces: (Angrily) It's Wormfeces, my lord! Worm-feces!
King Kevoden: (Angrily) Worm Poop-Worm Vomit-Worm Excrement, I don't really give a damn! I'm trying to tell a story here, Worm Fuzz!
Nrima Wormfeces: (Almost going crazy) It's Wormfeces!
King Kevoden: (Continuing) So anyways, Worm Whatever-the-Heck-He's-Called got me some anecdote and told me to take it.he wouldn't tell me what it was, though.
Jimagorn: (Quickly) How often did he say you should take it?
King Kevoden: (After thinking for a moment) About every five.
Megolas: (Quickly) Hours?
King Kevoden: (Shaking his head) No, minutes.
Jimagorn: (His eyes widening) Dear Lord!
King Kevoden: (Very bewildered) What? What'd I miss?
Erynwyn: (Getting the idea and speaking urgently to her uncle) My lord, didn't you find it odd that you were being ordered to drink the potion so frequently?
King Kevoden: (Very agitated) What's everyone so uptight about? It was no big deal, really! All I did was take some unknown potion I had never even heard of from a sneaky, rat faced servant named Worm Teeth!
Nrima Wormfeces: (Standing up quickly, and shouting angrily) IT'S WORMFECES, YOU FREAKIN' DUMB ASS! YOU NEVER REMEMBERED MY NAME-I'D BEEN WORKIN' FOR YOU FOR TEN YEARS AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T REMEMBERED MY NAME! THAT'S WHY I GAVE YOU THAT BRAINWASHING POTION AND SOLD YOUR SOUL TO ANDRAMAN, THE OLDER BUT MOST GORGEOUS ONE! THAT'S WHY I MADE THE GUARDS BACK OFF FROM THE BORDERS TO LET ORCS COME AND TAKE THE CITY! NOW, PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, CALL ME WORMFECES!
(A great silence fills the Golden Hall, with everybody staring at the heavily breathing form of Nrima Wormfeces, who still looks quite angry. Then, we see King Kevoden's face darken considerably as he realizes the treachery of it all-Erynwyn looks liable to breathe fire. Nrima Wormfeces realizes he let his temper get the better of him and quickly draws back in horror)
Nrima Wormfeces: (In a small voice) Awe, crap!
(We suddenly see Edoras Guards#1&2 throw Nrima Wormfeces out of the Golden Hall, where he tumbles heavily down the stairs, cursing in pain with every step)
Nrima Wormfeces: (Grasping his ribs in agony when he lands) Ouch! My ribs, you jerks!
(Nrima Wormfeces stops talks as he sees King Kevoden step out of the Golden Hall, looking very vengeful and flanked by Kendalf, Megolas, Brimli, Jimagorn, Erynwyn, and a few guards-the looks on their faces present no mercy for the traitor. King Kevoden begins to advance towards the quivering form of Nrima Wormfeces, who draws back quickly, seeking a chance to hold onto his pathetic life. Many of the grim towns people approach the steps to witness the scene)
Nrima Wormfeces: (Frantically, seeking to get away from the angered king) I- only sought to serve you, my lord! I have presented only my loyalties upon you!
King Kevoden: (Bitterly, grinding his teeth) Your loyalties and services would have had me crawling upon all fours like a beast!
Nrima Wormfeces: (Hopefully) And-you didn't like that, my lord?
(King Kevoden answers by giving a firm kick to Nrima Wormfeces' shin. Nrima Wormfeces gives a gasp of pain and stops moving, giving enough time for King Kevoden to approach his form. Knowing he cannot get away, Nrima Wormfeces seeks a way to compromise the situation)
Nrima Wormfeces: (Desperately) Send me not from your sight, my lord! Do not let my loyalties die! Sure-I deceived you! Okay-I may have controlled your mind and your kingdom for a while! All right-I may have called off the guards from the borders allowing many of the Orcs to swarm into the kingdom of Edoras! And okay-I may have betrayed the entire kingdom to the wizard at Isengard, but what does it all matter?
King Kevoden: (Besides himself in anger) Give me one excuse, traitor, just one excuse!
Edoras Guard#3: (In a helping tone) He's responsible for the extra taxation upon batteries, my lord.
(Shouting angrily, King Kevoden raises his sword to strike down the traitor and the deceiver-to end the suffering he has endured; Nrima Wormfeces shields his face with his hand. But before King Kevoden can strike, Jimagorn shouts out and runs to hold back the king's blow)
Jimagorn: (Desperately) NOOOOO! (Grasps the king's hand and explains quietly to the king) Let him go-enough blood has been shed on his account.
(King Kevoden looks incredulously at the other, already beginning to dislike him. Jimagorn extends a hand of friendship and opportunity to Nrima Wormfeces, but the other simply spits upon it)
Jimagorn: (With a great shout of disgust as he shakes off his hand) Agh! Spit! Spit on my beautiful, moisturized hands!
(Nrima Wormfeces uses the chance to jump to his feet and push his way past the town's people-he's escaping the town. Without any thought or consideration towards the other, Nrima Wormfeces snatches the reins of Citizen of Edoras#2's horse)
Citizen of Edoras#2: (Angrily as he realizes somebody's taking his horse) Hey! You can't just take my horse!
Nrima Wormfeces: (Angrily throwing down some slips to the citizen) There's five-hundred dollars! Leave me alone!
(Shocked, Citizen of Edoras#2 nods and bends to pick up the slips; using his time wisely, Nrima Wormfeces rides away from the citizen. We see Citizen of Edoras#2 look at one of the slips and frown)
Citizen of Edoras#2: (Angrily) Hey! This is just in stock, you bastard!
(But Nrima Wormfeces is already riding through the town's gate. We go back to the steps at Golden Hall, where King Kevoden angrily sheathes his sword and shoves Jimagorn roughly)
King Kevoden: (Irritably) You should have let me kill him! We shouldn't have let him get away!
Jimagorn: (Angrily) You would be so cruel as to take his life when he had taken the lives of so many others? His own life is pathetic enough-he doesn't deserve to die.
King Kevoden: (Shouting at the other) Well it'd be more than he'd deserve! (Looks towards the countryside, hoping to see the black-cloaked figure riding away) Now, he's out there and gotten away.
Megolas: (Angrily smacking Jimagorn over the head) Nice going, nim-rod!
Brimli: (Kicking Jimagorn in the shin angrily) Yeah-nice one, genius!
Jimagorn: (Irritably rubbing his shin) Well, excuse me for being merciful! It was the right thing to let him go, right Kendalf?
Kendalf: (Angrily) I never told you to let him go, you stupid fetus! I just said, "Kevoden is performing a fair favor for Wormfeces by killing him"! Jimagorn: (Angrily) Well, I didn't let Kevoden kill him-I deserve your praise!
Kendalf: (Angrily whacking Jimagorn in the stomach with his staff) You idiot! I'm one of the main actors! I have to say something solemn! Do I ever mean what I say-hell no!
Jimagorn: (Rubbing his stomach and getting very agitated) Oh come on! It's not like it's a big loss for us or anything! I mean, the guy doesn't even make it to Isengard!
(Everybody looks at one another in confusion)
Jimagorn: (Angrily) Well-am I right?
Megolas: (Blankly) You idiot, Jimagorn! Nrima Wormfeces does make it to Isengard!
Jimagorn: (Confused) No! That's not him! He dies on the road due to complications with asthma!
Megolas: (Angrily) That's Citizen of Edoras number fifteen, you idiot!
Citizen of Edoras#15: (Piping up angrily from the crowd) Hey! How come I have to die?
Jimagorn: (Looking very awkward) So-Nrima Wormfeces does make it to Isengard?
Megolas: (Nodding angrily) Uh-yeah!
Jimagorn: (Stamping his foot angrily) Damn it, why doesn't anybody ever tell me these things?
Brimli: (Incredulously) It's in your script, you moron!
Jimagorn: (Raising an eyebrow) It is?
Megolas: (Nodding in agitation) Yeah! (Pulls out a folded up portion of her script and tosses it to Jimagorn) It's right there; scene fourteen!
(Jimagorn thumbs through the script and scans the pages of scene fourteen. After a while, his eyes widen and he looks rather surprised)
Jimagorn: (Incredulously) Well, I'll be damned!
(Suddenly, we hear Citizen of Edoras#3 pipe up in the group)
Citizen of Edoras#3: (In a very monotone voice) Hey! Look! It is King Kevoden, back at his old self! Citizen of Edoras#4: (In the same monotone voice) This is the happiest day of my life.
Edoras Guard#3: (Giving a firm order) Make welcome to your king, citizens of Edoras!
(For a moment, none of the citizens move-the wind whips through the town ominously. The members of Golden Hall look at one another awkwardly)
Edoras Guard#3: (In a low voice towards the crowd) Uh-bow to him.
(In a great shout of understanding, the citizens bow low to their king; even Jimagorn bows his head and places his hand on his chest in respects- or, maybe it's not in respects but self-gratification. But anyways, King Kevoden takes a good look around, looking very pleased to be a king again. Then, he averts his attention to those who have come from the Golden Hall; everybody is there-except for one key person.)
King Kevoden: (His brow furrowing as he realizes it) Where is Jaredred? Where is my son?
(The members of the Golden Hall look at one another uncomfortably. Erynwyn turns away to hide the tears of grief billowing from her eyes. Jimagorn decides to break the news easily to the king)
Jimagorn: (Sympathetically, placing his hand upon the king's shoulder) Listen, King Kevoden, there comes a time in everyone's life when-be that as it may that many try to make it otherwise-their time upon this earth- (Shakes his head as he tries another motive) Or, let's put it this way: you plant a flower in the middle of spring. Now, you-or, let's make it a tree! A tree goes through a time where it loses its leaves every fall, right? Well, the leaves may have fallen, but the tree itself isn't necessarily dead.
Megolas: (Practically) Well, actually-the tree does die for a brief period of time-
Jimagorn: (Angrily) Okay, the freakin' tree is dead! Are you happy? (Back to the king) But-the tree may be dead, but it's not necessarily gone, right? So-keeping that in mind, now-Kevoden, I'm regretting to inform you that-well, Jaredred-there comes a time-Er.(Looks to Megolas for guidance in his awkward position) Megolas, help me out here!
Megolas: (Looks blankly at King Kevoden and speaks firmly) Jaredred's dead, Kevoden. His body's in the sick room if you want to go look.
(King Kevoden's eyes widen in horror and grief. Jimagorn is giving Megolas an open-mouthed incredulous stare. Megolas looks as though she has said nothing important)
Jimagorn: (In an angry tone) Megolas! Couldn't you have eased into that a little bit?
Megolas: (Shrugging) Well, I'm sorry! I don't know how one mourns somebody after death! Our kind doesn't die! We're immortal!
Jimagorn: (Angrily) Oh sure! Throw that in my face!
