He sighed as she left the room. He had managed to dig himself into a rather large hole, so to speak. He shouldn't even be here, in Kalm. The reason he was not in Nibelheim was to stop the people in the township from being placed in danger with his mere existence. After all, the people there didn't need more death and destruction brought to them, not after the supposed burning down of the small village… to this day he still wasn't sure whether or not it had happened, even after seeing visions of it. It couldn't possibly, could it?
Monsters, even ones such as he, had to learn to control their feelings and emotions. Lately, however, it was nigh-on impossible. Chaos had lived up to its name not long ago, going around and hunting down prey. And all I could do was watch out of his eyes, as though it were a mere slideshow, a horrific dream. It couldn't be me doing it. Couldn't possibly.
He tried to block the doubt that he was feeling out. His control was waning, disappearing into thin air, and that scared him. A lot. He wasn't the easiest person to be scared, but the fact that the demons were getting ever closer to their ultimate destination frightened him more then he could ever say to anybody. How had he ended up in Kalm? Drowning his sorrows in liquor? He was going the way of those current infidel Turks, drinking because of sorrow, drinking because of happiness, drinking for something to drink to. Now that was a distasteful thought.
Another sin to add to the ever-growing list, although less important in the scheme of them. Lying to Tifa, even after she had kindly offered him temporary residence at her home. He hadn't been at Nibelheim since they had last seen each other, not continuously, anyway. He couldn't exactly tell her what he had been doing, however. Vincent was a gentleman, a man of honour, as much as he could be, having done some rather dishonourable things in his time, but responding to a lady's question of 'what have you been doing since we saw you last?' with 'not a lot, going mourning after Lucrecia a bit, moping and trying to summon up the courage to end this horrible existence of mine' was not honourable, even to him.
Yes, he did feel grateful at the undeserved kindness that Tifa was showing him. She really was a beautiful person with a kind nature. If he was not one that was allowed no happiness, then he might have allowed himself to get closer to her. Occasionally he felt guilty at his stoic nature, blocking out those few who were concerned about him. But then again, it was for their benefit more. Tifa had tried to get closer to him before.
How had he ended up here, of all places? Couldn't it have been somewhere uninhabited, rather then one of the fastest growing towns in the area? And still, the fever or whatever it was - he didn't know for the life or death of him- was making its presence known. Before had been an agonizing fire, now had dropped to a mere uncomfortable heat. But of course, monsters didn't deserve comfort, so he tried to not let it bother him. Easier said then done, of course.
His control of Chaos and the other residing demons hadn't been the only control to slip. His own legendary control, his shield, his shell was breaking, disintegrating into nothing with each transformation he made. At the time, he had refused to believe that those really were tears falling from his eyes. Monsters didn't cry.
There was only one thing to do. Force the shields up; reinforce them with whatever he could. Because if he didn't, then… gods, he didn't even know what would happen. He would probably die. That was it. Completely shrivel up into nothing. Because that was what he felt like. A shell; that was it. When the outsides were taken away, destroyed, there was nothing inside. That was what he felt like. He wouldn't let it happen, no matter the costs. It was better for everybody, after all.
He would have to leave as soon as possible. He wanted to leave immediately, but realistically he knew that it wouldn't be possible, not for him to travel safely without any threats from the demons.
I was becoming less human… but now I am beginning to doubt whether I ever was.
Hmm, these chapters seem to be a bit short for my liking… but it gets worse… (sorry!) I don't know why, but shorter chapters seem to work better for this story… anyway, tell me what you think and keep smiling! :)
