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The Other Side Of Never

Chapter Eight

Early February 2010

'Let's make some Valentine's day cookies' Marjorie said to Elise and Toby, so they set to the task with great enthusiasm.

'Can we take them home later?' asked Elise

'Sure can' her grandmother replied

'Grandma, d'you think Mom and Carter would like to go on a date on Valentines day, 'cause it's a day for people in love'

'That's a good idea, I'll suggest it later' she replied as they got stuck in with the task of making the cookies.

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Carter and Abby went together to collect the kids from their Grandparents home later that day.

'Hey, come on in' said Marjorie 'We've just finished baking cookies'

She ushered them into the warm kitchen where the children were putting their cookies in a tin to take home.

'Want a cookie?' Toby asked, offering the still open tin to Carter and Abby.

'Wouldn't miss one of these' said Abby biting into one of the cookies.

'Thanks I'll have one....what is this?' Carter asked turning the cookie around in his fingers

'It's a love heart silly' Elsie replied

'Oh yeah, I see that now' he answered and took a bite 'Mmmm, good'

'You should take Mom out; Valentine's day is special for people who kiss' Elise suggested to Carter

Abby and Carter raised their eyebrows and glanced at each other amused.

'Yeah' added Bill joining the conversation 'you two should go on a date'

'When's the last time, you went on a date together?' Marjorie asked

'Six or seven years ago' Carter replied

'I'd say it was about time for the next one' Marjorie told them

'We'll take care of the kids, they can stay here, why don't you go on a date for Valentines?' Bill pushed

Abby looked from Bill to Marjorie to the kids to Carter and back to Marjorie.

'It's not a good day to go on a date and I'm sure you don't want....'

Abby was cut off and Marjorie interrupted 'We wouldn't offer to watch the kids if we didn't want to'

'But Valentine's Day' Abby replied

'It's the perfect day' answered Marjorie, using a tone that wasn't to be argued with.

And so it was settled.

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Abby came into the dining room where Carter was doing some work on his laptop.

'I'm sorry about earlier' she told him as he looked up. 'You know about the kids and Marjorie and Bill pushing for us to go on a date on Valentines, I know you probably don't want to'

He shrugged slightly and said 'Why not?' before returning to the screen.

Abby bit her lip, tipped her head to the side and said 'Mmmm' as she turned and walked out of the room.

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Late Valentines Evening

They had gone into town for a meal after work; it had gone better than Abby thought it would but Carter had been a little withdrawn.

'Coffee?' Abby asked Carter as she put her keys on the rack and took her coat off.

'That'll be great, I'll go get the boiler working' he replied

'Have you still got your shoes on?' she asked

'Yeah, learnt my lesson last time' he shouted as he made his way down to the basement.

A few minutes later he returned and joined Abby in the kitchen.

'It's all working' he stated he took his coffee from Abby's outstretched arm and went into the lounge together, where they sat close but not touching on the sofa.

'Did you have a good time tonight?' Abby asked him, when he didn't reply she continued 'Or would you preferred not to have gone?'

'I try to keep busy on Valentine's' he finally replied 'Takes my mind off things'

'You still think about that night?'

'How could I forget the one night that changed my life and took Lucy's, who I was responsible for'

'I'm sorry Marjorie and Bill pushed for us to go out' then almost inaudibly she added 'surprisingly really'

They sat in silence for a while until Abby asked 'Do you want to talk?'

'I think it's all be said before. I never can get it out of my head that if I had handled things differently it wouldn't have happened, Lucy would still be alive, I never would have gone to Atlanta'

'It wasn't to be though; we can't change our pasts however we may want to. What we've done or failed to do. You don't think there are things I wish I'd done differently?'

He looked at her and then at his mug paying great attention to the drink.

'I hear what you're saying, normally I'm fine it's just this day. I'll never forget what happened as long as I live'

'You don't have to forget, but you have to move on. You need to get through the day without wishing you should had died instead of Lucy'

'That's not what I'm thinking?'

'It's not?' she asked

'No, not at the precise moment'

'Then what are you thinking?'

'That I want to kiss you'

'Oh'

He laid his mug on the floor before sliding his arm around the back of the sofa.

'Well?' he asked her.

'Are you changing the subject?' she answered.

'Not really. I feel better now we've talked about it and maybe next year it won't be so bad, after all today was a decade since that day, a milestone really'

He pulled her towards him and softly began to kiss her, when thing began to get more heated, Abby stilled.

'Stop! I don't know if I can do this' she said pulling away from him

'What?' Carter said confused

Abby sighed 'I mean it's been along time since I slept with anyone and today is just...... ' She took a deep breath 'We discussed why today is hard for you, well it's hard for me too........ Today is the third anniversary of Nick's death, that's why I was surprised Bill and Marjorie wanted to have the kids stay over'

'You never said'

'I never said anything much, you found out he had died from Elise if you remember'

He nodded in response. 'What happened? Tell me?'

'John... I .... um'

He reached and put his hand on her arm to reassure her.

'Start at the beginning, it doesn't matter if it takes all night, this night there's just us. Tonight is for us, just you and me' he said

They sat quietly while she gathered herself together.

'We lived in the city, near Mom and Eric. I had worked during the day; God knows why I was almost eight months pregnant. Nick was a fire fighter and was on nights when he went to work. They had a call to an Indian Restaurant; the kitchen was burning out of control, the apartments upstairs were engulfed in the blaze. Nick went in with a colleague, oh God I think his name was Clive, they found a couple of kids in one of the apartments and on the way down, well the stairs collapsed and some the ceiling fell down from above. Nick and the young boy he was rescuing didn't exit the building. Clive made it though with the little girl, but they died in hospital.'

Carter didn't know what to say he never expected Abby to tell him anything like that. Fortunately for him she continued.

'I always feel guilty I never should have married him really, I didn't love him, fond of him yes but I couldn't love him when I still loved you. Nick was persuasive like his mother and we got married because of Toby. He only ever lived with Jodie and he wanted things to be right this time. I should never of agreed, except there was Elise'

'And you let me go on about Lucy and stuff, when all this happened to you'

She shrugged 'Well I figured you to needed to talk. So. Now you know'

'I never imagined anything like that. What happened after?'

'You know, I mean, Toby was born two weeks later, I was alone Marjorie and Bill had gone home, Maggie was babysat Elise and I went to hospital alone, and it was difficult but then, I was kind of living in a haze, it wasn't until after the stuff with Eric that reality hit me.

I decided after I completed my residency that it would be easier to live near Marjorie and Bill, Maggie and Eric were coping alright without me and I had my own responsibilities. I sold the house and bought this outright, with the profit from the other one and some life insurance that Nick had. I guess I wanted some place safe for the kids and at the time I thought I could use any extra energy I had doing the place up'

'I'll take a while though'

'It's better than when I bought it, I had to have the place rewired and had some structural work carried out. Then I made sure the kids rooms looked good, before we moved in, later I did my room and the kitchen. Sorry about your room'

'I don't know I'm sort of used to it now, the bed's a bit lumpy'

'What are you hinting at?'

'Nothing'

'Umm John Carter I think I know you better than that, besides that bed is an antique, it belong to Sophia Jackson's mother'

Carter looked at her clearly unimpressed with that last piece of information.

'Abby?'

'What?'

'I'm proud of you, of what you have achieved of how you've handled things life has thrown at you, much better than I would've'

'I don't know about that'

'Oh yeah I do' he looked at her intently and traced his index finger down the side of her face. 'You are so special and I'm a jerk for letting the best thing in my life get away'

'I don't think I was the best thing at the time, maybe this it the timing we have been waiting for' she replied 'And you're right maybe it's time you tried out my bed'

She took him by the hand and led him upstairs to her bedroom.

'Are you sure you're ready?'

She bit her lip and nodded and walked back towards the bed pulling him on top or her.

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One Week Later.

Carter came off the phone, picked his holdall up from the hallway and closed the door behind him. He drove into town to the Dirkiss's home.

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'We need to talk' he pulled Elise and Toby on to his lap before he continued 'You remember I told you that if I ever had to leave I'd talk to you first' They nodded. 'Well I have to go away for a while, but I'm going to come back, okay?'

'You have to leave?' Elsie asked solemnly

'Yes'

'And you're going to come back?' she asked again

'Yes'

Elise sighed and shared a sorrowful look with Toby.

'You really can't stay' she stated tears welling in her eyes, he hoped it wouldn't be this hard to say goodbye to Abby.

'I'm sorry. I have to go to New York and Chicago, ask Mom to show you where they are on the map'

'You'll call?' she said

'I'll try; I have to do some grown up things'

She nodded and flung her arms around him, seeing this Toby did the same. Carter bit back the urge to join them and cry, he was surprised by his response to the situation.

After a few minutes he said 'I need to go, I have to talk to your Mom'

'She's working'

Carter nodded 'I know'

After saying goodbye to everyone he left and made his way to the hospital.

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On arriving there he went to the appropriate place to locate Abby.

'Dr Dirkiss?' he asked the clerk

'She's with a patient, she won't be long, John isn't it?'

'Pardon?' he replied

'Sorry, you're Dr John Carter?' she repeated

'Yeah that's right' he answered as he ran his fingers through his hair impatiently.

'I'll see what I can do' she said as she went off.

Minutes ticked slowly by as he waited pacing the hallway, trying to figure out what to tell her. Remembering the last time he had left her, that had not gone well, it was also a very long time ago.

'John, John' she startled him out of his reverie

'Abby'

'What is it? What's wrong?'

'We need to talk'

They went into an empty room and she stood waiting for him to tell her.

'I have to go, for a bit, a few weeks maybe. Foundation problem and as head of the damn thing I have to fly to New York, then Chicago, maybe Boston I don't know. I've booked a flight, umm I really need to leave, to get to the airport'

She looked at him chewing on her bottom lip and he knew it was going to be more difficult than saying goodbye to the kids.

'I'll be back. I promise I'm coming back. It should only take a few weeks. You can call me on my cell or at my mother's flat or at the house. I left some numbers by the phone, just in case. Say something Abby, please'

'Ill miss you, we've only just ....'

'I know and I'll be back and we can continue what we've started again. You just have to trust me on this'

She nodded not trusting herself to speak and moved to hug him as he enfolded her in his embrace.

As Abby watched him leave she said quietly 'I love you' and silently wished that he had heard her.

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