Scene Thirty

(We go to Isengard, where Andraman is sitting upon his black shale throne within his tower, rapping his long nailed fingers upon the armrests, looking very unnerved about something. Finally, he can stand it no longer)

Andraman: (Shouting) WORMFECES! GET IN HERE!

(We see Nrima Wormfeces make his slow and timid appearance into the room, wringing his hands nervously. He approaches Andraman slowly, sensing that his master is slightly ill-tempered at something)

Nrima Wormfeces: (Nervously) Yes, Andraman, my lord?

Andraman: (In a commanding voice) Where are my Orcs? I do not see them anywhere?

Nrima Wormfeces: (Quickly) They are-fulfilling duties for yours truly! (Allowing a nervous smile to play upon his lips)

Andraman: (Folding his hands in content) Excellent. (He smiles at Nrima Wormfeces) You had your doubts about them, didn't you?

Nrima Wormfeces: (In a timid tone) I, my lord?

Andraman: (With a small laugh) It's okay, Wormfeces, they all have their doubts.(In an offhand type of tone) course, they all end up suffering hours of toil and torture, but it's different this time! (He brandishes a fist in the air) These Orcs are well disciplined and powerful! They will not disappoint me! They are quite tough, Wormfeces-(Maliciously) very tough!

(Then, we see many Orcs are outside playing a game of kickball. We see some Orcs are roaming the grounds delicately, as if passing through a park. We go to Orcs#56&58, who are sitting at the base of a huge rock pile)

Orc#56: (In an intellectual type tone) Do you think I should become an environmentalist or an expert of fine wines?

Orc#58: (Logically) Well-I would stay away from the environmentalist goal- all your chopping and burning of trees are not going to please many of the employees. But the expert of fine wines-(Whistles in amazement) pretty classy, my friend!

Orc#56: (Nodding) Yeah-and I've got a lot of experience! My brother's tried almost every wine out there! Once he gets out of rehab, I should be able to get some helpful hints from him!

Orc#58: (In a supporting tone) Finding sources! You, good sir, have got a plan! Orc#56: (Wiping his forehead irritably) Crikey, it's hot!

Orc#58: (With a small laugh) I'll say. Maybe you should use that money to buy an air conditioner in Isengard, eh?

(Both Orcs begin to laugh heartily)

Orc#58: (Still laughing) 'Cause it's so hot in here!

Orc#56: (Laughing) I got that.

Orc#58: (Slapping his knee) And air conditioners make the air cooler!

Orc#56: (Beginning to not laugh so much) Yeah, I got that.

Orc#58: (Laughing) And they're really expensive and-!

Orc#56: (Seriously) Dude, enough, all right?

Orc#58: (Dropping the matter immediately) Sorry.

Orc#56: (Looking towards the distance and furrowing his brow) Hey! What's that?

(Orc#58 turns around to look as well, and we see many Ents making their ominous approach to Isengard. The Orcs are looking at the Ents, but not doing anything about it. In the very front, we see Big Nuts, with Jessie Brandybuck & Rippin Took sitting upon his limbs. Orcs#56&58 look at one another curiously)

Orc#56: (Curiously) What are they?

Orc#58: (Shrugging carelessly) Local Ents from the Fangorn-probably here to ask about the annual potluck.

Orc#56: (Furrowing his brow) But the annual potluck was yesterday! Remember, I made that chicken casserole!

Orc#58: (Remembering) Ah yeah! You gotta give me the recipe for that! That was really tasty!

Orc#56: (Squinting at the Ents) Hey! Aren't those two hobbits on the big Ent in the front?

Orc#58: (Looking as well) By Jove, it is! That can only mean one thing!

(Both Orcs look at one another)

Orc#56: (Cheerfully) Shade?

Orc#58: (In a jovial tone) But of course!

(Both Orcs jump to their feet and run over towards the approaching Ents)

Orc#58: (Shouting cheerfully) Hey, mister Ent! Mister Ent! Over here! Let me bask under your shaded leaves, mister Ent!

(With one movement, Big Nuts steps right on Orc#58, squashing him instantly. Orc#56 blinks at where his friend once stood)

Orc#56: (In a small tone) Well-that's odd.

(Orc#56 screams as Big Willy picks him up roughly)

Big Willy: (Angrily) No-this is odd!

(And with that, Big Willy throws Orc#56 at a fair distance. Many of the Orcs begin to scream as they realize that they are under attack. The Ents begin to stomp on the Orcs, squashing them to death. Or the Ents simply crash anything they can get their hands on, from simple carts to huge wheels. We see Blonde Ent tie up Orcs#72&73 to a large pole over a pool of water)

Blonde Ent: (In her dopey voice) Let's play Salem Witch Trials! (Dunks the Orcs under the water and brings them up again) I love that game!

Orc#72: (Sputtering as he looks at the Ent) Do you play that often with your friends?

Blonde Ent: (Dopily) No! But I play it with my Barbies-and they're always smiling!

(We now see Big Nuts, picking up huge boulders and throwing them at the scurrying Orcs. Rippin Took & Jessie Brandybuck help out by throwing rocks at many Orcs that get away)

Rippin Took: (Excited) Okay! As soon as we get back to the Shire, I'm gonna tackle the dunk tank! (In a very malicious type voice) Teach that Sandyman a lesson or two!

Jessie Brandybuck: (As she throws a rock) YES! WE'RE DOING IT!

(The Ents are reeking absolute mayhem upon Isengard, destroying everything and every Orc that comes into their line of vision or their path. Then, we see Orcs#45, 46, & 47 bearing huge torches alight with fire)

Orc#45: (In a gruff voice) This outta stop them!

Orc#46: (Maliciously) Yeah! Let's get some firewood a goin'!

(The three Orcs jump upon Native American Ent and quickly set him ablaze)

Native American Ent: (Quite hysterically) AGH! I'M ON FIRE! AGH! NOT GOOD FOR MY BARK! NOT AT ALL GOOD FOR MY BARK! AHHHHHHH!

(Native American Ent begins to run around hysterically, beginning to set many of the watchtowers on fire, and stamp on many of the machines upon the ground. Orcs#46&47 look at Orc#45 angrily)

Orc#46: (Angrily) Nice going, genius!

(Suddenly, we go back to the tower, where Andraman steps onto his balcony. His eyes widen in horror and shock as he sees what is happening below)

Andraman: (Angrily) What the hell is going on here?

(Nrima Wormfeces makes his appearance next to Andraman timidly)

Nrima Wormfeces: (Curiously) Is there a problem, my lord?

Andraman: (Angrily) You're damn right there's a problem! Isengard's being destroyed by trees!

Nrima Wormfeces: (Looking at the scene and replying intelligently) Not trees, my lord-Ents.

Andraman: (Angrily) I don't care if they're those creepy, broomstick thingies from Fantasia! Fix this now!

Nrima Wormfeces: (After thinking for a while) Ooh! I've got a good plan! (Shouting down at the scene below) STOP IT! STOP DESTROYING ISENGARD AND GO BACK TO THE FANGORN!

(We go to Big Nuts, who hears the message and stops in his tracks)

Big Nuts: (With a small shrug) Well, in that case.

Jessie Brandybuck: (Practically) Er-Big Nuts, they kind of destroyed a whole bunch of your kind.

Big Nuts: (Angrily) Oh yeah! (Pulls out a huge boulder) DIE ISENGARD! DIE! (Throws the boulder at a huge group of Orcs)

(We go back to Nrima Wormfeces, who is looking back at a livid Andraman) Nrima Wormfeces: (With a shrug) Well, there's nothing else I can do.

Andraman: (Pushing the other aside angrily) You pansy! I'll do it myself! (Knitting his brow in malice) Time for these Ents to experience the wrath and frustration of Andraman, the older and most gorgeous one!

(Andraman puts his hands in the air and brings them down powerfully-but nothing happens. Andraman looks at his hands again in puzzlement, tries it again-this time with a word of Mordor-but nothing happens. Andraman begins to bang his finger upon the balcony in frustration)

Nrima Wormfeces: (In a logical tone) Nothing's happening, my lord.

Andraman: (Angrily) I know nothing's happening, you ninny! I'm not stupid! (Yelling at his finger) You stupid thing! You're supposed to distribute wrath upon my enemies! (Uses his other hand to point at the scene below) WRATH!

(But the finger doesn't do anything but shoot out a small flag, like one you would see out of an old toy gun. After blinking several times at it, Andraman looks at the flag and reads the message)

Andraman: (With growing rage) "You've been swindled by Kendalf, the old but most extremely attractive, who is now in your position!" (Pulling out the flag from his finger) What's that supposed to mean!

Nrima Wormfeces: (After thinking about it for a while) It means that-since Kendalf has taken up your position-you have no power. After all, there cannot be two older and most gorgeous wizards-that's just unheard of!

Andraman: (In an apprehensive tone) But to be rid of all my power at once? It cannot be! If I have no power, that bumps me down to-

(Dramatic music plays in the back round)

Andraman: (In a horrified whisper) .the haggard and senile one!

(There is a high-pitched scream at this)

Andraman: (Pulling at his hair in fear) No! This cannot happen to me! I am so pretty! I was top of my class, next to that cheat, Kendalf! I take care of my nails every two days-TWO DAYS! Why oh why must this happen to me? (Puts his face in his hands in dismay)

Nrima Wormfeces: (Furrowing his brow at the other's state) So, what's the big deal? It's just the grading of society-it doesn't necessarily mean anything!

Andraman: (Glaring at the other venomously) Oh, yes it does! (Angrily) I've had enough of you for one day! Go-lick the floor or something!

Nrima Wormfeces: (Looking very enthused at the thought) Ooh! And it's noon! The janitors have mopped the floor with lemon-scented floor cleaner!

(Nrima Wormfeces makes his disappearance from the balcony, leaving a forlorn and powerless Andraman to watch helplessly as Isengard is destroyed by the Ents. We go back to the scene below, where Big Willy & Blonde Ent have pulled out the holding board to the dam)

Big Nuts: (In a triumphant voice) RELEASE THE RIVER!

Rippin Took: (In a technical tone) Er-actually, it's not really a river, but a mass of water being held inside of a closed area.

Big Nuts: (Irritably) All right! All right! RELEASE THE HUGE MASS OF WATER HELD WITHIN THE CLOSED AREA! (To Rippin Took) Better?

Rippin Took: (With a nod) Much.

(We see Ents move away as the huge wall of water tumbles from the dam and goes cascading all over Isengard. Jessie Brandybuck & Rippin Took grasp onto Big Nuts' limbs tighter, eager not to get thrown off from the force. Big Nuts roots himself into the ground as the water comes crashing into him)

Rippin Took: (Shouting over the roaring waters) Is it wrong that I think this is kind of cool?

Jessie Brandybuck: (With a shrug) Probably.

(The water is seeping over everything, eventually pouring into the dreaded pits where the real evil is brewed. The Orcs below shout out as the water pours down, smothering them entirely. We see Orc#69 talking to a large group of frightened Orcs)

Orc#69: (Shouting over the confusion) Now, don't panic! Don't panic! I've read about this kind of situation before! Okay, first we've gotta build a big ark-!

(But the water washes the Orcs away, totally covering them. Upon the surface, steam is billowing from the deep cuts within the earth, the fires put out. The pits are mere gashes within the earth, the Orcs no more than a piece of floating debris. Isengard-one of the most powerful suppliers of evil-is no more)