Scene Thirty-Two
(We go back to Osgiliath, where Maramir is quickly leading Lizzo Baggins, Kram Gamgee, & Jenolum out of the city. They stop at the entrance to an ancient looking sewer)
Maramir: (In a quiet voice) These are the ancient sewers of the city-they have been inactive for many years. Just follow them and they will take you out of the city through an underground route.
Kram Gamgee: (In a cautious tone) So-you're absolutely certain that they're inactive? I don't want to walk in there and step in a big pile of poo or something.
Maramir: (Confidently) Rest assure, you will find nothing of the sort.just watch out for the dead skunks and dead birds. And if you step on a nail, I strongly advise you to get a tetanus shot.
Lizzo Baggins: (Smiling at Maramir) Thank you, Captain Maramir-you have remained ever loyal to your family name. You truly have proven yourself worthy of your brother.(With an awkward shrug) which isn't that hard to replace, on account that your brother was a real butt-head.
Maramir: (With a small smile at the hobbit) And what route do you plan to take from Osgiliath?
Lizzo Baggins: (Glancing at Jenolum) Our guide knows of a route to Mordor from here-we cross the forests, go up some stairs, and travel down a tunnel. I tried to get something from her that didn't deal with riddles, but everybody seems to be fond of speaking in riddles!
Kram Gamgee: (Irritably) And paths! Enough with the paths already! I understand that it's pretty and poetic to say paths, but good God! "That's not your path!" "Get off the path!" "You stray too far from your path!" Paths, paths, PATHS! They're called roads-or walkways! If I hear one more person say paths, I'm going to explode!
Maramir: (Looking fearful at Lizzo Baggins) You cannot go the route you speak of, Lizzo Baggins!
Kram Gamgee: (In an overjoyed tone) Hoorah! Dangerous quest is finally over! We can finally go home to the Shire! This is so-!
Lizzo Baggins: (Ignoring her friend) Why must we not go the original route, Maramir?
Maramir: (In a desperate tone) There is word of an ancient evil lying within Mordor that will not let you pass-only death lies there!
Kram Gamgee: (In a logical tone) Is it me, or does death seem to lie in Mordor from any standpoint?
Maramir: (Truly afraid for the lives of the hobbits) Is there no other way to go?
Kram Gamgee: (Offering her help) We could always back track and go to the Black Gate, Miss Lizzo.
Lizzo Baggins: (Irritably) But we don't have that much time, Kram! Osgiliath's already fallen-Lord knows what horror Jauron is already planning to unleash! We cannot afford to back track! (To Maramir in a reassuring tone) We will have to go by Jenéagol's route-it's the only way we can get to Mordor in time.
(Maramir stares at Lizzo Baggins for a long time-in his heart, he knows he cannot accompany the two to Mordor, but he cannot let them walk into such a horrible fate. Finally, he glances over at Jenolum, who is crouched off to the side, looking very fidgety and nervous at the moment-as if she's hiding something. Maramir gives her a small glare, but quickly focuses his attention upon Lizzo Baggins. There is a great shout from the city, and Maramir realizes he is running out of time)
Maramir: (Quickly to the hobbit) Go carefully, Lizzo Baggins! May the luck of Osgiliath-
(There is a great shout from the city)
Maramir: (Quickly) Er-let's make it the luck of Men-
(There is another horrible, pain-stricken shout from the city)
Maramir: (With an annoyed sigh) Okay, let's just make it the luck of the fates-go with you.
(Lizzo Baggins quickly nods at Maramir, turns around, and hurries into the sewers, Kram Gamgee quick to follow. Then, Jenolum makes to slink along, but Maramir quickly grabs the creature by the arm, pins her against the wall, and brings his face very closer to hers)
Maramir: (Hissing in severe dislike and looking quite frightening) You listen to me, you fish smelling piece of filth, if any misfortune is to befall those two hobbits, then your life will pay the price! Whether by the horrors of Mordor or by some other way, I will make sure of it!
(And with that, Maramir lets go of Jenolum and makes to join the battle. Hissing, Jenolum makes to give Maramir an obscene gesture, but when he looks back, she quickly turns it into a timid wave. When Maramir is out of plain view, Jenolum slinks into the sewers, quick to catch up to the two hobbits. The three are quiet in their trek, stopping frequently to be sure they are not being followed. Then, Kram Gamgee looks back and sees that Jenolum is acting stranger than usual; the creature looks very terrified and liable to break down any moment. For this one moment, Kram Gamgee seems to take sympathy on her-or perhaps caution)
Kram Gamgee: (In a reassuring tone) You know, Lizzo didn't mean to set those guards upon you-(In a low mumble) though it would've been better if she had; maybe we wouldn't be in this mess! (Back in her reassuring tone) But honestly, she had no idea! There's no need to get upset about it, right?
Jenolum: (After staring at the hobbit for a while) Is it being kind to us?
Kram Gamgee: (With a scowl) Is that so odd?
Jenolum: (With a wide-eyed stare) Yes!
Kram Gamgee: (In her reassuring tone) Well, I'm speaking the truth! It was an awkward moment, but we've all had our laughs. There's no need to brood upon it, right? Forgive and forget, eh?
Jenolum: (Slowly, looking very suspicious) Forgive-and forget, it says?
Kram Gamgee: (With a small smile) No hard feelings; let's have a good laugh; kiss and make up? Write it, seal it, stamp it, and burn it? Right, Jenolum?
Jenolum: (After a while, fixing a fake smile upon her face) Right! No hard feelings for it, precious! No hard feelings!
Kram Gamgee: (With a great sigh of relief) Well, that's nice! It's not good to stew on these things, after all! Nice to clear the air a bit.(Sniffs the air and wrinkles her nose) er-figuratively speaking, that is.
(And with that, Kram Gamgee dashes to keep up with Lizzo Baggins. Jenolum stays behind slightly, glaring after the hobbit)
Jenolum: (In a bitter tone) "No hard feelings", eh? "Forgive and forget", huh? Bah! We'd likes to see it get captured by a bunch of questionable Men and let its see about "forgive and forget"! Fat, stupid hobbit!
(Still muttering, Jenolum dashes to catch up to the two. We now see Kendalf, Megolas, Commander Kilmage, Jimagorn, Brimli, & King Kevoden ride up on a rise in a plain, which has an ominous breeze floating about. We look in the distance and see the glowing of Mount Doom in the distance. Kendalf speaks to the others in an ominous tone)
Kendalf: Gondor is in need of our aid, and our hopes are on a thread! The most complicated, crappy part of our fighting is beginning. (The camera closes in on him) The battle for Helm's Deep is over.the battle for Middle- Earth is about to begin.
Jimagorn: (Taking out his sword and rearing his horse back) YEAH! BATTLE FOR MIDDLE-EARTH! (When everybody stares at him, he sheathes his sword and canters his horse back to position) Well-somebody's gotta be enthused by this! (Begins to stroke himself across the chest) Ninnies.
Kendalf: (Rolling his eyes as he speaks) Our hopes lie now.
(We now see Lizzo Baggins & Kram Gamgee walking through a forest, far away from Osgiliath and back on their original trek, and we hear Kendalf speak)
Voice of Kendalf: (Gently) .with two hobbits, and their destined quest to destroy the one thing that could end this war-or intensify it. (In a very dark tone) Don't hope for too much, my friends. You might find yourself disappointed with the results.
(Kram Gamgee suddenly decides to break the silence)
Kram Gamgee: (Logically) I wonder if there'll be stories about us, after this?
Lizzo Baggins: (With a small laugh) What?
Kram Gamgee: (Talking in an excited tone) Well, yeah! I mean, when all this is over, kids will say, "Say, dad! Let's hear about Lizzo Baggins and the Movie!" And he'll say, "Ah, again? I told it to you yesterday and the day before that and the day before that.!" but the kids will say, "But it's one of our favorite stories! Lizzo sure was brave, wasn't she dad?"
(Lizzo Baggins allows herself a small smile at this)
Kram Gamgee: "Eh, kind of." the dad will say.
(Lizzo Baggins shrugs at this, letting it pass by with a nod)
Kram Gamgee: "She really had to go through some terrible stuff, didn't she, dad?" the kids will say. And the dad will say, "Oh, yes! Terrible things! The Balrog of Moria! The evil daggers of the Phone Solicitors! The horrible gas reflux of Rippin Took!"
(Lizzo Baggins laughs out loud at this)
Kram Gamgee: "But she was able to rush through it, right dad?" the kids will ask, all wild eyed. "Of course!" the dad will assure them. "She ran through it with her eyes closed!"
Lizzo Baggins: (Turning around to face Kram Gamgee) But you forgot one of the main characters!
Kram Gamgee: (Furrowing her brow) I'm not mentioning that self-groper that is Jimagorn!
Lizzo Baggins: (Irritably) No, you twit! (Kindly) Kramwise, the brave!
Kram Gamgee: (In a small, offended tone) You really shouldn't make fun, Miss Lizzo! I was being serious!
Lizzo Baggins: (Nodding) Oh! Well, in that case-!
Kram Gamgee: (Angrily) HEY!
Lizzo Baggins: (Smiling as she says it) So was I.
(Kram Gamgee stares at Lizzo Baggins with amazement, a small smile of pride curling upon her lips)
Lizzo Baggins: (Seriously) Lizzo would not have gotten far without Kram- even if she did eat a lot of the lembas.
(And with that, Lizzo Baggins turns away and walks off softly. Kram Gamgee stays behind, thinking of something with a smile upon her face)
Kram Gamgee: (Straightening the straps on her pack) "Kramwise, the brave." I like it!
(Lizzo Baggins allows herself a small smile at this)
Kram Gamgee: (In a prideful voice) In fact, I think they might want to hear about my story more than yours, Miss Lizzo! Movie of Power? Who needs a Movie of Power? You've got Kramwise, the brave, saving the day with her killer pans and gluttonous eating habits! Yeah-that's gonna be cool!
(Lizzo Baggins remains smiling, still walking about. Then, Lizzo Baggins notices that Jenolum is gone)
Lizzo Baggins: (Shouting) Jenéagol! Jenéagol!
Kram Gamgee: (Irritably) Ah! Don't tell me we've gotta take Stinky along!
Lizzo Baggins: (Seriously) Kram, she is our only guide!
Kram Gamgee: (Rolling her eyes) Whatever! I got it! (Shouting) Jenolum! Where are you, ya big stink? Come on! Don't make this harder on us than it already is! If you don't come out in five seconds, we're going on without you!
Lizzo Baggins: (Shouting again) Jenéagol! Come on out! And take your time! We're not going anywhere without you! (Shoots a dirty glance at Kram Gamgee)
Kram Gamgee: (In a small voice) Ah-it was worth a shot.
(The hobbits resume looking for Jenolum, but we already see her, crawling about the forest floor like a snake. Jenolum is deliberating with herself again, very confused and agitated)
Jenolum: (In her kind voice) Master tricks us! We cannot trust her anymore! (In her evil tone) Dang straight! And they's stolen the precious! They cannot get away with it! (In her kind, lost voice) But we's don't wants to be a part of this anymore! We's just wants to go back to our crappy, fish strewn dwelling in the Misty Mountains and watch All My Children! (In her evil tone) You fool! We cannot return to our home without the precious! We must takes it! We must steal the precious back! (In a very careful, cunning tone as she considers the next factor) But the fat hobbit-the severely bad-tempered one-she's always watching! Her eyes are always open and watching us! Tries to kill her and master of the precious once, and she's not been able to take her eyes off of me! (In a very evil tone, grabbing a nearby tree limb) Then kills them both! Kills them both! (Twisting the limb tightly in her grimy hands) Wring their filthy-little-necks! Evil-wicked-tricksy-false! Then we takes the precious-and we be the masters; and not just because we got the highest score on Mortal Combat three! (In a bit of a weak tone as she leans against a tree) But we cannots! We cannots kill them! We's don't have the strength!
(Jenolum leans against the tree, seriously considering her options. Then, we see in the distance Lizzo Baggins & Kram Gamgee looking for their companion, yelling out her name from time to time. Kram Gamgee is looking under rocks again. Then, Jenolum's face goes into a look of trickery)
Jenolum: (Very slowly and quietly) We could let her-do it. (Her face brightening up at the idea) Yes! Yes! She will kill them-(Maliciously) and we will takes it once they're dead! You're a genius! (Pats herself on the back) I know! I know! I try not to pride myself too much on it.
(Jenolum waits for a few seconds longer before jumping from behind her tree and looking at the hobbits with a great façade of friendliness)
Jenolum: (Sounding quite happy) Come, masters! Come on! Mordor is this way! Follow us! Follow us!
(Jenolum darts off towards the direction of Mordor, and Lizzo Baggins begins to sing a song)
Lizzo Baggins: (In the tune of "Daybreak") Goin' to Mordor, gonna destroy a Movie-there's fire, everywhere! Goin' to Mordor-
Kram Gamgee: (Looking surprised at Lizzo Baggins) Lizzo!
Lizzo Baggins: (Agitated) Hey! Our next stop is the land of fire! I think we need a bit of spirit, eh?
(The camera pans out and we close in on Mordor, which is pretty close. The Eye of Jauron is in his tower, looking just as dark and forbidding as before. Then, when the camera is still rolling, the Eye of Jauron looks around nervously)
Eye of Jauron: (In a small whisper) Er-why are we still rolling?
Voice of the Director: (In a whisper) You need to look more dramatic!
Eye of Jauron: (Angrily) I'm a freakin' eyeball! How dramatic can I get? (Sighs) Fine, how about I turn to right slightly, then look at the camera, and roar maliciously? How's that?
Voice of the Director: (Whispering) Super!
(The Eye of Jauron turns to the right slowly, then quickly averts its attention at the camera and roars loudly. After it does this, the Eye of Jauron gives an annoyed sigh)
Eye of Jauron: (Angrily) I swear! Take five years of acting school, and this is what I get? Getting whispers from a director that I've gotta look more dramatic? Gees!
The End.
(We go back to Osgiliath, where Maramir is quickly leading Lizzo Baggins, Kram Gamgee, & Jenolum out of the city. They stop at the entrance to an ancient looking sewer)
Maramir: (In a quiet voice) These are the ancient sewers of the city-they have been inactive for many years. Just follow them and they will take you out of the city through an underground route.
Kram Gamgee: (In a cautious tone) So-you're absolutely certain that they're inactive? I don't want to walk in there and step in a big pile of poo or something.
Maramir: (Confidently) Rest assure, you will find nothing of the sort.just watch out for the dead skunks and dead birds. And if you step on a nail, I strongly advise you to get a tetanus shot.
Lizzo Baggins: (Smiling at Maramir) Thank you, Captain Maramir-you have remained ever loyal to your family name. You truly have proven yourself worthy of your brother.(With an awkward shrug) which isn't that hard to replace, on account that your brother was a real butt-head.
Maramir: (With a small smile at the hobbit) And what route do you plan to take from Osgiliath?
Lizzo Baggins: (Glancing at Jenolum) Our guide knows of a route to Mordor from here-we cross the forests, go up some stairs, and travel down a tunnel. I tried to get something from her that didn't deal with riddles, but everybody seems to be fond of speaking in riddles!
Kram Gamgee: (Irritably) And paths! Enough with the paths already! I understand that it's pretty and poetic to say paths, but good God! "That's not your path!" "Get off the path!" "You stray too far from your path!" Paths, paths, PATHS! They're called roads-or walkways! If I hear one more person say paths, I'm going to explode!
Maramir: (Looking fearful at Lizzo Baggins) You cannot go the route you speak of, Lizzo Baggins!
Kram Gamgee: (In an overjoyed tone) Hoorah! Dangerous quest is finally over! We can finally go home to the Shire! This is so-!
Lizzo Baggins: (Ignoring her friend) Why must we not go the original route, Maramir?
Maramir: (In a desperate tone) There is word of an ancient evil lying within Mordor that will not let you pass-only death lies there!
Kram Gamgee: (In a logical tone) Is it me, or does death seem to lie in Mordor from any standpoint?
Maramir: (Truly afraid for the lives of the hobbits) Is there no other way to go?
Kram Gamgee: (Offering her help) We could always back track and go to the Black Gate, Miss Lizzo.
Lizzo Baggins: (Irritably) But we don't have that much time, Kram! Osgiliath's already fallen-Lord knows what horror Jauron is already planning to unleash! We cannot afford to back track! (To Maramir in a reassuring tone) We will have to go by Jenéagol's route-it's the only way we can get to Mordor in time.
(Maramir stares at Lizzo Baggins for a long time-in his heart, he knows he cannot accompany the two to Mordor, but he cannot let them walk into such a horrible fate. Finally, he glances over at Jenolum, who is crouched off to the side, looking very fidgety and nervous at the moment-as if she's hiding something. Maramir gives her a small glare, but quickly focuses his attention upon Lizzo Baggins. There is a great shout from the city, and Maramir realizes he is running out of time)
Maramir: (Quickly to the hobbit) Go carefully, Lizzo Baggins! May the luck of Osgiliath-
(There is a great shout from the city)
Maramir: (Quickly) Er-let's make it the luck of Men-
(There is another horrible, pain-stricken shout from the city)
Maramir: (With an annoyed sigh) Okay, let's just make it the luck of the fates-go with you.
(Lizzo Baggins quickly nods at Maramir, turns around, and hurries into the sewers, Kram Gamgee quick to follow. Then, Jenolum makes to slink along, but Maramir quickly grabs the creature by the arm, pins her against the wall, and brings his face very closer to hers)
Maramir: (Hissing in severe dislike and looking quite frightening) You listen to me, you fish smelling piece of filth, if any misfortune is to befall those two hobbits, then your life will pay the price! Whether by the horrors of Mordor or by some other way, I will make sure of it!
(And with that, Maramir lets go of Jenolum and makes to join the battle. Hissing, Jenolum makes to give Maramir an obscene gesture, but when he looks back, she quickly turns it into a timid wave. When Maramir is out of plain view, Jenolum slinks into the sewers, quick to catch up to the two hobbits. The three are quiet in their trek, stopping frequently to be sure they are not being followed. Then, Kram Gamgee looks back and sees that Jenolum is acting stranger than usual; the creature looks very terrified and liable to break down any moment. For this one moment, Kram Gamgee seems to take sympathy on her-or perhaps caution)
Kram Gamgee: (In a reassuring tone) You know, Lizzo didn't mean to set those guards upon you-(In a low mumble) though it would've been better if she had; maybe we wouldn't be in this mess! (Back in her reassuring tone) But honestly, she had no idea! There's no need to get upset about it, right?
Jenolum: (After staring at the hobbit for a while) Is it being kind to us?
Kram Gamgee: (With a scowl) Is that so odd?
Jenolum: (With a wide-eyed stare) Yes!
Kram Gamgee: (In her reassuring tone) Well, I'm speaking the truth! It was an awkward moment, but we've all had our laughs. There's no need to brood upon it, right? Forgive and forget, eh?
Jenolum: (Slowly, looking very suspicious) Forgive-and forget, it says?
Kram Gamgee: (With a small smile) No hard feelings; let's have a good laugh; kiss and make up? Write it, seal it, stamp it, and burn it? Right, Jenolum?
Jenolum: (After a while, fixing a fake smile upon her face) Right! No hard feelings for it, precious! No hard feelings!
Kram Gamgee: (With a great sigh of relief) Well, that's nice! It's not good to stew on these things, after all! Nice to clear the air a bit.(Sniffs the air and wrinkles her nose) er-figuratively speaking, that is.
(And with that, Kram Gamgee dashes to keep up with Lizzo Baggins. Jenolum stays behind slightly, glaring after the hobbit)
Jenolum: (In a bitter tone) "No hard feelings", eh? "Forgive and forget", huh? Bah! We'd likes to see it get captured by a bunch of questionable Men and let its see about "forgive and forget"! Fat, stupid hobbit!
(Still muttering, Jenolum dashes to catch up to the two. We now see Kendalf, Megolas, Commander Kilmage, Jimagorn, Brimli, & King Kevoden ride up on a rise in a plain, which has an ominous breeze floating about. We look in the distance and see the glowing of Mount Doom in the distance. Kendalf speaks to the others in an ominous tone)
Kendalf: Gondor is in need of our aid, and our hopes are on a thread! The most complicated, crappy part of our fighting is beginning. (The camera closes in on him) The battle for Helm's Deep is over.the battle for Middle- Earth is about to begin.
Jimagorn: (Taking out his sword and rearing his horse back) YEAH! BATTLE FOR MIDDLE-EARTH! (When everybody stares at him, he sheathes his sword and canters his horse back to position) Well-somebody's gotta be enthused by this! (Begins to stroke himself across the chest) Ninnies.
Kendalf: (Rolling his eyes as he speaks) Our hopes lie now.
(We now see Lizzo Baggins & Kram Gamgee walking through a forest, far away from Osgiliath and back on their original trek, and we hear Kendalf speak)
Voice of Kendalf: (Gently) .with two hobbits, and their destined quest to destroy the one thing that could end this war-or intensify it. (In a very dark tone) Don't hope for too much, my friends. You might find yourself disappointed with the results.
(Kram Gamgee suddenly decides to break the silence)
Kram Gamgee: (Logically) I wonder if there'll be stories about us, after this?
Lizzo Baggins: (With a small laugh) What?
Kram Gamgee: (Talking in an excited tone) Well, yeah! I mean, when all this is over, kids will say, "Say, dad! Let's hear about Lizzo Baggins and the Movie!" And he'll say, "Ah, again? I told it to you yesterday and the day before that and the day before that.!" but the kids will say, "But it's one of our favorite stories! Lizzo sure was brave, wasn't she dad?"
(Lizzo Baggins allows herself a small smile at this)
Kram Gamgee: "Eh, kind of." the dad will say.
(Lizzo Baggins shrugs at this, letting it pass by with a nod)
Kram Gamgee: "She really had to go through some terrible stuff, didn't she, dad?" the kids will say. And the dad will say, "Oh, yes! Terrible things! The Balrog of Moria! The evil daggers of the Phone Solicitors! The horrible gas reflux of Rippin Took!"
(Lizzo Baggins laughs out loud at this)
Kram Gamgee: "But she was able to rush through it, right dad?" the kids will ask, all wild eyed. "Of course!" the dad will assure them. "She ran through it with her eyes closed!"
Lizzo Baggins: (Turning around to face Kram Gamgee) But you forgot one of the main characters!
Kram Gamgee: (Furrowing her brow) I'm not mentioning that self-groper that is Jimagorn!
Lizzo Baggins: (Irritably) No, you twit! (Kindly) Kramwise, the brave!
Kram Gamgee: (In a small, offended tone) You really shouldn't make fun, Miss Lizzo! I was being serious!
Lizzo Baggins: (Nodding) Oh! Well, in that case-!
Kram Gamgee: (Angrily) HEY!
Lizzo Baggins: (Smiling as she says it) So was I.
(Kram Gamgee stares at Lizzo Baggins with amazement, a small smile of pride curling upon her lips)
Lizzo Baggins: (Seriously) Lizzo would not have gotten far without Kram- even if she did eat a lot of the lembas.
(And with that, Lizzo Baggins turns away and walks off softly. Kram Gamgee stays behind, thinking of something with a smile upon her face)
Kram Gamgee: (Straightening the straps on her pack) "Kramwise, the brave." I like it!
(Lizzo Baggins allows herself a small smile at this)
Kram Gamgee: (In a prideful voice) In fact, I think they might want to hear about my story more than yours, Miss Lizzo! Movie of Power? Who needs a Movie of Power? You've got Kramwise, the brave, saving the day with her killer pans and gluttonous eating habits! Yeah-that's gonna be cool!
(Lizzo Baggins remains smiling, still walking about. Then, Lizzo Baggins notices that Jenolum is gone)
Lizzo Baggins: (Shouting) Jenéagol! Jenéagol!
Kram Gamgee: (Irritably) Ah! Don't tell me we've gotta take Stinky along!
Lizzo Baggins: (Seriously) Kram, she is our only guide!
Kram Gamgee: (Rolling her eyes) Whatever! I got it! (Shouting) Jenolum! Where are you, ya big stink? Come on! Don't make this harder on us than it already is! If you don't come out in five seconds, we're going on without you!
Lizzo Baggins: (Shouting again) Jenéagol! Come on out! And take your time! We're not going anywhere without you! (Shoots a dirty glance at Kram Gamgee)
Kram Gamgee: (In a small voice) Ah-it was worth a shot.
(The hobbits resume looking for Jenolum, but we already see her, crawling about the forest floor like a snake. Jenolum is deliberating with herself again, very confused and agitated)
Jenolum: (In her kind voice) Master tricks us! We cannot trust her anymore! (In her evil tone) Dang straight! And they's stolen the precious! They cannot get away with it! (In her kind, lost voice) But we's don't wants to be a part of this anymore! We's just wants to go back to our crappy, fish strewn dwelling in the Misty Mountains and watch All My Children! (In her evil tone) You fool! We cannot return to our home without the precious! We must takes it! We must steal the precious back! (In a very careful, cunning tone as she considers the next factor) But the fat hobbit-the severely bad-tempered one-she's always watching! Her eyes are always open and watching us! Tries to kill her and master of the precious once, and she's not been able to take her eyes off of me! (In a very evil tone, grabbing a nearby tree limb) Then kills them both! Kills them both! (Twisting the limb tightly in her grimy hands) Wring their filthy-little-necks! Evil-wicked-tricksy-false! Then we takes the precious-and we be the masters; and not just because we got the highest score on Mortal Combat three! (In a bit of a weak tone as she leans against a tree) But we cannots! We cannots kill them! We's don't have the strength!
(Jenolum leans against the tree, seriously considering her options. Then, we see in the distance Lizzo Baggins & Kram Gamgee looking for their companion, yelling out her name from time to time. Kram Gamgee is looking under rocks again. Then, Jenolum's face goes into a look of trickery)
Jenolum: (Very slowly and quietly) We could let her-do it. (Her face brightening up at the idea) Yes! Yes! She will kill them-(Maliciously) and we will takes it once they're dead! You're a genius! (Pats herself on the back) I know! I know! I try not to pride myself too much on it.
(Jenolum waits for a few seconds longer before jumping from behind her tree and looking at the hobbits with a great façade of friendliness)
Jenolum: (Sounding quite happy) Come, masters! Come on! Mordor is this way! Follow us! Follow us!
(Jenolum darts off towards the direction of Mordor, and Lizzo Baggins begins to sing a song)
Lizzo Baggins: (In the tune of "Daybreak") Goin' to Mordor, gonna destroy a Movie-there's fire, everywhere! Goin' to Mordor-
Kram Gamgee: (Looking surprised at Lizzo Baggins) Lizzo!
Lizzo Baggins: (Agitated) Hey! Our next stop is the land of fire! I think we need a bit of spirit, eh?
(The camera pans out and we close in on Mordor, which is pretty close. The Eye of Jauron is in his tower, looking just as dark and forbidding as before. Then, when the camera is still rolling, the Eye of Jauron looks around nervously)
Eye of Jauron: (In a small whisper) Er-why are we still rolling?
Voice of the Director: (In a whisper) You need to look more dramatic!
Eye of Jauron: (Angrily) I'm a freakin' eyeball! How dramatic can I get? (Sighs) Fine, how about I turn to right slightly, then look at the camera, and roar maliciously? How's that?
Voice of the Director: (Whispering) Super!
(The Eye of Jauron turns to the right slowly, then quickly averts its attention at the camera and roars loudly. After it does this, the Eye of Jauron gives an annoyed sigh)
Eye of Jauron: (Angrily) I swear! Take five years of acting school, and this is what I get? Getting whispers from a director that I've gotta look more dramatic? Gees!
The End.
